by Gladys Diaz
You can search throughout the entire universe for someone who is more deserving of your love and affection than you are yourself, and that person is not to be found anywhere. You yourself, as much as anybody in the entire universe, deserve your love and affection.
~ Buddha
If you’ve been reading this blog, you know that one of the things we do is to dispel “Love Myths.” One of the love myths that’s pretty prevalent is that the way to show love is to give, give, give to others. Often, women are so busy juggling a bunch of different roles and taking making sure everyone else is taken care of that they neglect to put themselves first – their needs, desires, and the things that bring them pleasure.
One of the first things we tell the women we work with in our workshops and coaching sessions is that, in order to attract, create, and maintain a happy relationship, you need to practice good self-care. What does “practicing good self-care” mean? It means taking responsibility for your own happiness by doing three things for yourself every day that you enjoy doing and make you feel good!
When we first say this, you would think, from the look on the women’s faces, that we asked them to extract three of their own teeth every day! They begin to explain how they can’t even fathom doing one nice thing for themselves on most days, how taking a 10-minute shower is a “bonus” on a good day, and how they just don’t have the time to focus on themselves between their work, school, and family schedules. Our response: If you’re that busy, that’s even more of a reason to practice good self-care!
Why is self-care so important to having a good relationship?
Well, if your single and you’re constantly looking and feeling frazzled, exhausted, and stressed out, it’s just not very attractive. And, when I say “attractive,” I’m not just referring to the physical aspect of looking and feeling beautiful. I’m talking about being attractive in the sense that you are attracting the man who is right for you. See, someone who is sending out the energy that she is too busy and too stressed is not sending out a very inviting “vibe.” If you feel that you can’t make time for yourself, it’s going to be very difficult to make time to share with someone else. There simply isn’t any space for him to step into. So, when you begin to take time for yourself, and you begin to replenish your mind, body, and spirit, you are also getting in touch with your feminine nature and that is very attractive to men!
What about if you’re in a relationship? Creating and maintaining a loving, intimate relationship takes a lot of peace and energy. Contrary to what fairy tales tell us, great relationships don’t “just happen.” Having a wonderful relationship takes the intention and energy to want to make it work, the willingness to be patient and forgiving, and an awareness of how what we say and do impacts the intimacy in the relationship. If you are always tired, stressed out, and “running on fumes,” it’s going to be almost impossible for you to think before you say something hurtful or disrespectful, be able to forgive your boyfriend or spouse when something goes wrong, or have the energy and desire to connect sexually. Taking time to do some of the things that make you feel peaceful, happy, and feminine will go a long way toward refilling your emotional tank so that you are able to give and receive love freely in the relationship.
One of the best things about self-care is that, it doesn’t have to involve spending a lot of money or investing a lot of time. There are things you can do every day at work, at home, or wherever you choose that you can make part of your every day routine.
Some of my favorite self-care practices include:
- Reading for fun
- Taking a nap
- Sleeping in
- Knitting
- Taking a bubble bath
- Spend quiet time praying or meditating
- Wearing different shades of lip gloss every day
- Going for a walk in the morning
- Dancing
- Going out with my friends
- Doing nothing
- Slathering myself in yummy-scented lotions and body sprays
- Watching one of my favorite shows while I’m lying in bed
- Snuggling with my kids in the mornings or at bedtime (I need to take advantage of this one while they still want to!)
But what if you really feel like you’re too busy and just can’t fit any of this into your day? We recommend that you actually schedule your self-care – at least in the beginning, while you’re getting used to it. Schedule the activity in your phone or on your computer’s calendar so that it pops up and gives you that visual reminder. Schedule it just as you would a doctor’s appointment, because that’s how important it is to your emotional health! We also recommend that you start with the activities you really enjoy. This will make it more fun and give you something to look forward to, which will make it easier to begin making self-care a habit!
And if you begin to feel “guilty” about focusing on yourself, because you feel you’re being “selfish,” or that you could be spending your self-care time with your family, I invite you to just give that up! What’s selfish is thinking that you don’t need to feel special and pampered, and relaxed! When you begin to make self-care a priority, not only are you showing others that you hold yourself in high regard, but you are letting people (especially the men in your life) know what you like, enjoy, and desire (great information for them to have!). In addition, the new-found peace, happiness, and energy you will begin to experience is not only a gift for you, it’s a gift to those who are around you and get to benefit from it, as well! You will become a better girlfriend, wife, mother, and employee when you take the time to replenish your mind, body, and spirit.
Remember, in order to attract, create, and maintain a good relationship, the key is to take care of yourself first!
What are some of the things you do to practice good self-care? Please share them in the comments below so that we can “borrow” one another’s ideas! Click on the box to receive notification of responses so that you can check in again and get some new self-care ideas to practice yourself!
Photo credit: dMap Travel Guide via photopin.com cc
Hey girls! I was choking to death when I was “running on fumes”. And then I was “out of gas” completely. Don’t do it to yourself. I was unable to give myself the love and attention I needed and luckily found a great naturopath and osteopath who gave me so much caring and support that I saw huge benefits from taking a little time for me. If you can’t figure out what you need seek a health practitioner, coach, support group etc. Because once you figure it out you will LOVE yourself forever. (and so will everyone else 🙂 )
Thanks for sharing, Cheryl! I often warn women — especially those who complain that they “don’t have time for self-care” — that it can become “addictive”! 🙂 Would love to hear some of your self-care ideas!
Hey girls! I was choking to death when I was “running on fumes”. And then I was “out of gas” completely. Don’t do it to yourself. I was unable to give myself the love and attention I needed and luckily found a great naturopath and osteopath who gave me so much caring and support that I saw huge benefits from taking a little time for me. If you can’t figure out what you need seek a health practitioner, coach, support group etc. Because once you figure it out you will LOVE yourself forever. (and so will everyone else 🙂 )
Thanks for sharing, Cheryl! I often warn women — especially those who complain that they “don’t have time for self-care” — that it can become “addictive”! 🙂 Would love to hear some of your self-care ideas!
Love this post! It is so true both for those who are single and those in a relationship! I recently hit rock bottom shortly after I got married (I think it was the stress and everything leading up to it)… it took me a few weeks of being in a haze before I was able to start from the bottom up. I went out and chopped all my hair off (which I love) and gave myself a little makeover that made me feel more confident and better about myself. Other things I do on a regular basis is allow myself to sleep until I am ready to wake up, paint my toe nails, and take a nice long shower with seasonal body wash (right now it’s cinnamon in honor of Fall!)
Isn’t the effect of a makeover magical! 🙂 I love the idea of shopping for seasonal body wash! I usually stick to vanilla (my favorite scent), but I think I’m going to try this! Thanks, Julei! 🙂
Love this post! It is so true both for those who are single and those in a relationship! I recently hit rock bottom shortly after I got married (I think it was the stress and everything leading up to it)… it took me a few weeks of being in a haze before I was able to start from the bottom up. I went out and chopped all my hair off (which I love) and gave myself a little makeover that made me feel more confident and better about myself. Other things I do on a regular basis is allow myself to sleep until I am ready to wake up, paint my toe nails, and take a nice long shower with seasonal body wash (right now it’s cinnamon in honor of Fall!)
Isn’t the effect of a makeover magical! 🙂 I love the idea of shopping for seasonal body wash! I usually stick to vanilla (my favorite scent), but I think I’m going to try this! Thanks, Julei! 🙂
Don’t know what happened to my earlier comment. Just came back to read some of this again since I enjoyed it so much the first time. Exercise time and spa time are my favorites
Not sure what happened to the first comment, Krystal, but I’m so glad you enjoyed the post and that you came back re read it again! 🙂 Spa time sounds divine! I think I see a massage in my very near future! 🙂 Thanks for sharing with us!
Don’t know what happened to my earlier comment. Just came back to read some of this again since I enjoyed it so much the first time. Exercise time and spa time are my favorites
Time with a book that fills my Spirit, GOD time, and exercise really gives me strength and energy. Thanks for a great post!
Maria xx
Love your self-care ideas, Maria! Thank you for sharing and you’re welcome!
Time with a book that fills my Spirit, GOD time, and exercise really gives me strength and energy. Thanks for a great post!
Maria xx
Love your self-care ideas, Maria! Thank you for sharing and you’re welcome!
Great post. Exercise is my best – Me time.
Nothing like getting those endorphins going with a good workout! Thanks for sharing, Jeanmarie! 🙂
Great post. Exercise is my best – Me time.
Nothing like getting those endorphins going with a good workout! Thanks for sharing, Jeanmarie! 🙂
Awe, I wish I had this information when I was raising my kids as a single mom. I was stressed out and never felt like I had any time to myself. Now I indulge myself in self-love. My morning walks are sacred as well as my meditation time and my pedicures. I love to have someone else do my feet!
It’s so true, Diane. Once we have kids, so many of us forget that, if we put ourselves first, we are able to give so much more! I’m glad you found the magic of self-care! 🙂
Awe, I wish I had this information when I was raising my kids as a single mom. I was stressed out and never felt like I had any time to myself. Now I indulge myself in self-love. My morning walks are sacred as well as my meditation time and my pedicures. I love to have someone else do my feet!
It’s so true, Diane. Once we have kids, so many of us forget that, if we put ourselves first, we are able to give so much more! I’m glad you found the magic of self-care! 🙂