by heartsdesireintl | Aug 2, 2013 | Dating, Heart's Desire International, Intimacy, Love, Marriage, Relationship Advice
by Gladys Diaz
The beginning of this week was tough for me. I had a busy weekend and kept going, and going, and going, adding more things on my plate. On Saturday, after a long morning of not-so-successful fishing with the family, I curled up on the couch with my favorite Disney flannel blanket, ready to take a nap to the sound of the falling rain (one of my favorite things to do!). A few minutes later, however, my husband reminded me that we’d told the boys we’d take them to go see a movie. I rested for a bit, but I wasn’t able to take the yummy nap I’d settled in to take.
On Sunday, I I spend most of the day cleaning the house. Usually, the boys and my husband will help me, but, for some unknown reason, I didn’t ask for help. So, what could have taken me two hours, ended up taking four hours. I was exhausted. Then I had to run over to my mom’s house and do groceries for her. By the time I got home, it was about 9:00 p.m., and, after I folded and put the clothes away and finally sitting down, I began to notice that I was feeling a little “off” — not really sick, per se, but not quite like myself.
I chalked it up to just being tired, but, by the time I woke up on Monday, my head and body felt heavy. I felt as if I could not overcome the desire to close my eyes. At first, I thought I had the flu, but I had none of the symptoms. All I knew was that it was as if my body was screaming at me to give it some rest. So I laid down on the day bed in my husband’s home office to talk to him for a little bit… And I fell asleep for four hours! That night, I let my husband take care of dinner for the boys and I went to bed early (for me) and slept another ten hours!
Tuesday morning, I still did not feel like myself, and since I didn’t have any early appointments, I stayed in bed for as long as I could before going to my desk. I worked in my pajamas, in case I got the chance to lie down again. I’d promised my kids I’d finish work early so that we could do something fun together. When I asked my son if he wanted to go bowling, he said, “Mama, you’re not feeling well. You should really rest.” (Out of the mouth of babes…)
When he said that, I realized how easy it is for me to put everything and everyone before myself. I clearly still did not feel 100% like myself, but I was going to put that aside so that I could do something with my kids, which probably would not have been fun, given the way I was feeling. I saw how my little one was more in touch with how I was feeling than I was, and I was filled with gratitude for the love I felt coming from him! Now, why wasn’t I giving that same type of love to myself?
Do you do the same thing? Do you tend to put aside your needs and your heart’s desires to take care of other people and “more important things”?
For example, do say you want to be in a loving, fulfilling relationship, but tend to put all of your time, energy, and attention into your work and career? Do you put off going out on dates and possibly meeting the man of your dreams because you’re simply “too busy”?
Do you do everything for everyone else in your home — cook, clean, take care of the bills and make all of the decisions, but deny yourself the time to just relax with a good book, call up or spend some time with a girlfriend, or take a nap?
Do you tend to avoid dealing the issues that you and your husband or partner are experiencing by diving into projects at work or in the community? Is it easier to pretend those problems are not there or that they will somehow, magically, work themselves out?
It can be easy to lose sight of what we really want. We can create excuses, reasons, and justifications for why something else is more urgent or more important. But when we do that, we are also denying ourselves the things we desire most, and, with that, will come a corresponding drop in vitality, in our sense of joy and fulfillment, and in our sense of worth.
So, are you with me? Will you go ahead and put yourself at the top of your list of priorities? Will you make a choice right now to do something that you enjoy, that brings you pleasure, and that allows you to feel like you are at the top of your list?
If so, please tell me what you are going to do for yourself in the comment box below! I want to celebrate with you!
And, for those of you who are single and are ready to stop putting your love life, your happiness, and your heart’s desires on hold, I want to invite you to learn about my new “Create Your Love Story” coaching and mentoring program. This program will allow you and me to work together so that you can learn the skills that will have you attract the love that you want, create the love story you dream of and pray about, and have that love last for a lifetime.
Put yourself at the top of your list and sign up to work with me now!
===>>Click here to learn more!<<===
P.S. If you missed the “Creating the Relationship of Your Dreams” 90-Minute Training Call and you want to do the exercises that will help you create the relationship of your dreams now, there will be an encore call Friday, August 2nd, at 3:00 p.m. Eastern. The link will remain live until midnight on Saturday, but you must sign up for the call in order to get the call-in details.
Join this life-changing call and begin living the life and love of your dreams!
Comments? Questions? Let us know below! We love hearing from you!
by heartsdesireintl | Jul 30, 2013 | breakups, Dating, Forgiveness, Heart's Desire International, heartache, Intimacy, Love, Marriage, Relationship Advice, Romance
by Gladys Diaz
A resounding theme keeps popping up in my Inbox, conversations with clients, and even on TV shows. The theme is courage.
Any time we want to create something new in our lives – whether it’s transitioning to a new career, moving to a new home, or taking on a new goal or lifestyle – there will be fears that come up. And the thought of starting a new relationship or restoring the intimacy in an existing relationship is no exception. In fact, contemplating the possibility of letting love into our lives and hearts can be one of the most terrifying experiences we can have.
Why?
Well, because of our past. Most of us have experienced some type of disappointment and heartache as a result of having allowed ourselves to love someone. Sometimes the pain is a result of a betrayal, of poor timing, having fallen for someone who simply wasn’t right for us, or not having had the knowledge or awareness of how to make things work.
One of the first things we do when we begin working with clients is to help them see how their fears are actually causing them to reject and block the possibility of experiencing love. We do a series of exercises where we help the person identify the fears, resentments, and regrets, and guide her through letting releasing and letting go of them so that she is able to create a space where love is able to flow freely to, through, and from her. If you were on the “Creating the Relationship of Your Dreams” Teleclass, you experienced the power of this exercise for yourself!
It’s only when we release the heaviness of all of disempowering thoughts and negative beliefs from the past that we can feel free to let love in, here and now.
Are you ready to let love in? If so, ask yourself:
- Am I willing to let go of resentment? Is there a person (or persons) in your life who hurt, disappointed and/or betrayed you toward whom you’ve been holding onto the anger, pain, and resentment? Are you willing to let that go?
- Am I willing to face my fears and not allow them to choose for me? Too often, we’re allowing the fear of getting hurt again choose whether or not we’re willing to open up our hearts. Unless we identify the fear as just a thought and not what’s actually happening right now, we will cheat ourselves out of the experience of loving and being loved.
- Am I willing to let go of regrets? Perhaps one of the hardest people to forgive is ourselves. We blame ourselves and make ourselves wrong for having said or done the wrong thing – or for not having said or done the right thing. We punish ourselves by replaying our mistakes over and over again. We create a story that we “deserve” to be alone or unhappy. And we do this to protect ourselves, because as uncomfortable and lonely as it may be, at least we’re not risking our hearts again.
Maybe we did make some mistakes along the way. Perhaps we could have said or done something differently. However, it’s also possible that lessons were learned and that we simply didn’t have the knowledge, skills, and awareness necessary to make different choices.
One of the best ways to gain new knowledge and skills and heighten your level of awareness is to work with a coach. Every time I’ve invested in working with a coach, I have been able to completely transform different areas of my life. Whether it’s been learning how to create a healthier lifestyle, causing breakthroughs in my personal and spiritual life, or creating growth in my business, I can trace the changes and results to my working directly with a coach to help make that happen.
This is why I believe so strongly in the power of coaching and why I’ve opened the doors to a new coaching and mentoring program that is going to provide you with the skills, insights, and practices that are going to help you create the type of relationship your heart desires. I’m not talking about a program where you learn a bunch of cute and fun “dating tips” and strategies for getting a man to fall in love with you.
I’m talking about a partnership where you and I work together to break down the walls that have been stopping you from attracting the love that you want and being to put into practice the skills that will help you create a meaningful, fulfilling, loving, and intimate relationship with a man that lasts for a lifetime.
If you are ready to make a commitment to yourself and do the work that it takes to create new love or restore the love and intimacy that has been lost in your relationship, the Create Your Love Story program will provide you with the support, mentorship, and results you have been searching for.
Don’t allow your fears to stop you from actually living in the relationship you wish, pray and dream of. That dream is in your heart for a reason. You were created to love and be loved.
Now it’s time to get out of your own way and begin to completely transform your life and your experience of dating and relationships.
If you’re ready to begin, I’m ready to work with you! Click here to begin creating your love story today!
Comments? Questions? Let us know below! We love hearing from you!
Photo courtesy of FreeDigitalPhotos.net
by heartsdesireintl | Jul 26, 2013 | Dating, Heart's Desire International, Love, Marriage, Relationship
by Gladys Diaz
We have such exciting news to share with you!
As you know, we’ve been sharing a lot about how you can create your own love story and make your dreams come true! (If you weren’t able to join us for the very special call we had on Wednesday, check out the information below regarding this Sunday’s encore call!)
Whether you are single, in a relationship, or married, the fact is that you get to be the author of the love story that is your life! The first, and most important step, however is believing that you can experience the relationship of your dreams.
That’s why we’re so excited about a new project that we’ve been invited to participate in by a very talented photographer and visionary who has experienced the power of the Law of Attraction in her own life!
During a course she took earlier this year, Melisa Caprio learned how powerful Positive Affirmations can be in making goals and dreams a reality.
She wrote her dreams as Affirmations…
…and they started coming true!
Being the generous person she is, she didn’t want to be the only one experiencing these miracles in her life, so she began thinking of a way to help others manifest their own dreams. She came up with the idea of using her love of photography to help people visualize what they wanted to manifest in their lives by creating Postcards that they could then “send” to the Universe!
And this is where YOU come in!
A friend and client of ours shared with Melisa the work Heart’s Desire does and how it helped her to manifest her relationship. Melisa was inspired and has invited us (that means you, too!) to create Postcards from the Universe that affirm what you want to experience in the relationship of your dreams!
If you participated in one of the “Creating the Relationship of Your Dreams” teleclasses, you created some powerful affirmations about the relationship you would like to experience. What better way to declare your intention for having the relationship you’ve always dreamed of than to shout it out to the Universe?!?
Melisa is going to collect your postcards and create an original piece she will be showcasing at an upcoming art gallery opening! The piece will be titled “Heart’s Desires” and will be made up of all of our Postcards to the Universe! Your postcard may even be selected to be included in her upcoming book!
Isn’t this a creative and inspiring idea? Just imagine…all of our affirmations and dreams coming together to create a beautiful and original masterpiece that is all about LOVE!
All you need to do is head over to Melisa’s website and either select an image from her Postcard Gallery or make your own original Postcard using a photograph, drawing, painting (be creative) that depicts your dream relationship! Then, on the back, write a Positive Affirmation that really captures what you want to experience in your relationship, like:
“We are loving, passionate, and generous with one another.”
“We communicate openly and honestly, and trust one another completely.
“We share our lives, our bodies, and our spirits with one another.”
“We celebrate one another’s victories and encourage one another during difficult times.”
These are examples of Gladys’ Positive Affirmations for continuing creating the relationship of her dreams with her husband! Now you want to search within your heart to discover what it is that you want to experience in your dream relationship and put that on the back of your Postcard!
If you were on Wednesday’s “Creating the Relationship of Your Dreams” Teleclass and created a statement affirming what you want to experience in the relationship of your dreams, go to the Postcards to the Universe page and create your postcard now!
If you weren’t on the teleclass, make sure you listen to the encore calls that are being offered this weekend, do the exercises, and write a beautiful Postcard to the Universe.
The directions and additional information about this project can be found on Melisa’s website.
Now, here’s the deal, if you want your Postcard to the Universe to be considered as part of the Heart’s Desire masterpiece, you must submit your Postcard via post mail by Thursday, August 7th! So, don’t wait!
Create the relationship of your dreams, send your Postcard to the Universe…Then, simply enjoy the process of watching it manifest in your life!
Join this life-changing call and begin living the life and love of your dreams!
Questions? Comments? Let us know below! We love hearing from you!
Photo courtesy of Melisa Caprio, Postcards to the Universe
by heartsdesireintl | Jul 9, 2013 | Dating, HDI Blog, Heart's Desire International, heartache, Love, Marriage, Relationship Advice, Romance
by Gladys Diaz
14 years ago, I got stood up. Why would I want to remember that event of my life? Because it was also the day my life changed forever! And there was no way I could have ever imagined or predicted the turn my life was about to take. And it probably wouldn’t have, had I chosen to stay stuck in the pain and sadness of having a guy I really liked stand me up.
I had been talking to a guy on the phone for a short time, and we’d gone out on one date. Back then, I used to think that going on a date meant you were in a relationship, so I began calling him every day – multiple times a day, leaving him voice messages, and basically asking him out on other dates. I think back now, and I’m a little embarrassed about just how much I was chasing him and trying to get him to like me. I also see now where he was sending me really clear messages that he wasn’t interested in being in a relationship. But, you know what they say about hindsight being 20/20!
He wasn’t a bad guy. He was actually very nice. And while some women would say he wasn’t man enough or courageous enough to tell me that he didn’t want to go out with me, I think he was too nice to want to hurt my feelings, and, since I hadn’t paid attention to the thousands of hints he’d been giving me, he gave me one I couldn’t ignore.
I was heartbroken. I felt so vulnerable. This was the first guy I had dated since I’d lost my first husband, and I felt so hurt and afraid that I’d just end up being alone for the rest of my life. Perhaps that was a bit dramatic, but it’s how I felt.
Thankfully, my best friend loved me too much to see me moping around, and she said we were going dancing that night. Now, I was 28 and had never been to a club, and I was not about to go to a bar to meet men! But I love dancing (and she knew that), so we made plans to go out that night.
We got lost on the way there, and I kept thinking, “Maybe this is a sign… We should just go home.” I was so afraid to be this far out of my comfort zone! But, eventually we did find the place. As soon as I walked in and sat at the bar, I noticed a really cute guy standing by the DJ booth. He was moving his head to the music and looked so relaxed. I remember thinking, “I hope he asks me to dance.”
Well, he didn’t. But a bunch of other guys did, so I had a great time, dancing, smiling, flirting, and just being me! I wasn’t trying to meet anyone. I really didn’t want to meet anyone. I just wanted to have fun… And I wanted that cute guy to ask me to dance. But he didn’t!
When we were about to leave, I saw him standing diagonally across the dance floor from me. I told my friend, “I wish that guy had asked me to dance!”
Just then, he looked right at me. I didn’t know what else to do, so I smiled. He smiled back and gestured with his head that I should come on over to him.
What???
I gestured with my head that he should come on over to me. Then I turned around. It was 2:00 a.m., my feet hurt, and I was not in the mood to play games!
As we got ready to go, my friend’s eyes started getting really big.
“Oh, my goodness! Is he standing behind me?”
She nodded yes.
I turned around and smiled, and he introduced himself to me. We talked for a bit, and, when he told me he was only 24, I walked over to my friend and said, “Forget it. He’s a kid.”
Again, my beautiful friend saved me from myself when she said, “Get back over there right now. I haven’t seen you smiling and laughing like that in at least a year!”
So, I walked back over to him and we talked and danced for another 2 hours before my friend said we needed to go. I gave him my number and fell asleep with a smile on my face, thinking about how much I hoped he’d really call.
He did!
We spoke for 7 hours on the phone the next night. Went on our first date the following night, and saw each other almost every day after that. Six months later he asked me to marry him. Almost a year to the day we met, we joined our lives forever. And it’s been the most wonderful 14 years of my life!
So, what lessons did I learn that night?
- Many times, something that seems painful and undesirable can be a wonderfully sweet blessing in disguise.
- Surround yourself with friends who love and want you to be happy and who will stand for you when you don’t feel strong enough to stand for yourself.
- Just because you haven’t met him yet, doesn’t mean you won’t. And you may meet him when and where you least expect it!
- Believe that true love is possible and that it is possible for YOU!
If you want to hear more of the lessons I’ve learned about how to create the relationship of your dreams, then you’ll want to join me on Wednesday, July 17th, for a free 90-minute “Creating the Relationship of Your Dreams” Training Call where I’ll share how you can begin creating the relationship you’ve always dreamed of! Just send me an email (gladys@heartsdesireintl.com) and I’ll send you the information regarding how you can join the call!
Questions? Comments? Let us know below! We love hearing from you!
Image courtesy of FreeDigitalPhotos.net
by heartsdesireintl | Jul 3, 2013 | Communication, Dating, Heart's Desire International, Intimacy, Love, Relationship Advice
by Gladys Diaz
What are some effective ways to communicate with my partner?
Ask almost anyone what the key to having an effective relationship is and they’ll say: “Good communication.” The issues in relationships come up when people’s definitions of what “good communication” is differ!
So, what are some ineffective ways of communicating and how can we turn them around so that both people in the relationship have the experience of being heard?
Ineffective Communication: Talking too much
For most women, talking comes easily. Studies have shown that women communicate more than men. Depending on which study results you read, women can sometimes speak anywhere from twice to as many as three times the number of words men say. Studies also show that most women also find it easier to communicate what they are feeling than men. This is why we tend to “over-talk” when it comes to issues in the relationships and then we’re upset when we see the glazed look on his face once he’s tuned us out.
Solution: Say it clearly, purely, and briefly.
Many times, when we begin talking about an issue in our relationships, we haven’t done the pre-work of actually getting clear about what it is we want to say. This is why we’ll begin saying too much – giving reasons, details, and explanations to try to clarify the message we’re trying to convey. Instead, get clear about what you’d like to say. Sort through your thoughts and ideas with a friend or family member you trust so that you can weed out any of the information that is not relevant to this particular situation or issue. In other words, ladies, remember this:
Men want to hear headlines and bullet points.
Ineffective Communication: Bringing up the past
You’ve probably experienced it at least in your relationship. You begin “discussing” an issue with your partner and, before you know it, one or both of you is bringing up things that happened last week, last year, or years ago. Now, the discussion (a.k.a. argument) is about ten things other than the original topic of conversation and the main objective has become trying “blame and shame” the other person into being the bad guy. This type of argument leads nowhere and creates a dynamic where it’s not safe to make mistakes and it’s difficult to trust one another when you say that you forgive your partner.
Solution: Leave the past in the past, where it belongs.
Holding onto and bringing up things that have happened in the past is an easy way to build resentment in the relationship. Instead, make it a point to leave the past behind you, where it belongs, and be intentional about focusing on the issue you’d like to resolve. If your partner is the one who brings up the past, resist taking the bait and respectfully let him know that you’d like to resolve this issue first. If done effectively, and you resist that argument, it’s likely that you won’t end up going back to that topic after this one has been discussed.
Ineffective Communication Style: Having to be “right”
Perhaps nothing is more damaging to a relationship than when one or both of the people involved is more committed to being right than to maintaining the intimacy in the relationship. The need to be right – to prove your point, convince or try to change the other person’s mind, and make the other person “wrong” – is one of the biggest intimacy killers! While it’s okay to have your opinion, it’s also important to remember that the person you’re in a relationship with has one, too! Doing everything in your power to try to make someone agree with you and what you’re saying without honoring what they are saying is disrespectful and exhausting!
Solution:
Saying how you think, feel and want are important. However, before you share any of those things, consider what your intention for communicating is. Is your intention to simply share your thoughts, or are you trying to convince or get agreement from the other person. Is your intention to simply share how you feel, or is it to make the other person feel badly? Is your intention to create intimacy in the relationship, or to be right? I often invite my clients to ask themselves the same two questions I ask myself before saying something to my husband:
1) Is what I’m about to say worth the intimacy it is going to cost me? If the answer is “yes,” then I’ll share what I want to say and be willing to accept that it may impact the intimacy in our relationship. If the answer is “no,” then I choose to let it go!
2) Am I more committed to being right or being happy?
The answer to these questions helps me determine whether I still feel the need to prove my point, or whether I am willing to allow for the possibility that maybe – just maybe – there’s another valid point of view and that I can simply to choose to accept and respect, even if I don’t agree with it.
Contrary to what most people believe, communication is not mainly about what you say. It’s also about how you choose to express yourself, and, even more importantly, being willing to listen to the other person. Arguing, disrespecting one another’s thoughts and opinions, and dominating a conversation are simply ineffective ways of creating intimacy, love, and respect in a relationship. Instead, seek ways to express your thoughts and feelings in a way that leaves both of you feeling, honored, appreciated, and heard!
Comments? Questions? Let us know below! We love hearing from you!
Image courtesy of FreeDigitalPhotos.net
by heartsdesireintl | Jul 2, 2013 | breakups, Dating, Forgiveness, HDI Blog, Heart's Desire International, heartache, Infidelity, Intimacy, Love, Relationship Advice
by Gladys Diaz
I recently split from my man after a three year relationship. It has been very difficult for me to move on, even though he was cheating on line with a woman from his past. Over twenty years ago he had relations with this woman and a child that passed away. He had told me that she was responsible for the death and he would gain her trust to avenge the death of his daughter. I was amazed that he would tell me this and then pursue a legitimate relationship with this woman, even though she lives across the country from him.
I know this was an unhealthy relationship for me and I need to move on, but I’m guessing, that because of the rejection, I feel the need for a different ending for closure. Please give me advice on how to move on for me. No man should be the motivation for a brighter future.
I know that ending a long-term relationship is never something that is easy to do, even when all of the signs are clear that this was not a healthy relationship. I can hear that you are hurt by the betrayal, which is completely understandable. I’m also concerned that you stayed in a relationship with him, even after he mentioned that he was planning to gain this woman’s trust so that he could avenge his daughter’s death. The first thing I thought when I read that sentence was that that type of comment would have set off red flags, whistles and sirens for me regarding whether or not he was someone I could trust. He was practically letting you know that he’s someone who couldn’t be trusted.
Now, perhaps he said that in a moment of pain or distress over the loss of his daughter. I don’t know, nor do I want to begin trying to analyze the authenticity of his statement. My main concern lies with you and helping you move past this so that you can experience the healthy, happy relationship you deserve!
There is a really powerful statement you made that is at the heart of the pain you are experiencing. You wrote:
I feel the need for a different ending for closure.
The problem with this is that you want something different from what actually happened to happen, which is impossible. The fact is he was communicating with the woman he told you he was angry and blamed for the death of his daughter. Unless they were seeing each other, there wasn’t an actual affair taking place. That being said, I can still see where it would hurt you to find out that he may have been emotionally connecting with someone else. For all you know, this was part of his plan to gain her trust (based on what he said to you earlier). But the fact is that you found out about their communication and this is why the relationship ended.
Most of the time, when we are upset about something, it’s not so much that we’re upset about what happened or what is happening. The upset comes from wanting the situation to be different from what it is. And, because that is impossible – things are the way they are and they are not the way they’re not – we cause ourselves unnecessary worry, anxiety, and frustration. We keep replaying all the other ways it could have been or should have been. However, the situation remains what it is, and no amount of wanting or wishing that it were different is going to change that.
Another thing that causes us to feel pain and regret is that, while it seems that we are angry and upset at the other person for what he or she did, we’re actually upset with ourselves. We’re upset that we didn’t see or chose not to see the signs. We regret having invested so much time in a relationship that didn’t turn out the way we’d hoped. And we hold on to that upset and regret so that we don’t have to be responsible for moving forward, because there’s a risk that we might get hurt again.
So, what can you do move past this relationship so that you can open your heart to one that fulfills and honors you?
- Accept what’s happened. The first step to moving forward is going to need to be to accept that what happened, happened. Accepting what’s happened does not mean that you agree with, condone, or celebrate it. It simply means that you acknowledge that it is what happened and that wanting and wishing it to be any other way does not change what actually happened, nor does is serve you.
- Let go of regret. Are there things that you have been replaying in your mind? Things you should or shouldn’t have said or done? Mistakes or decisions you wish you’d made or hadn’t made? Actions you wish you’d said or not said? Are you regretting having spent 3 years with someone, only to have things not work out? Let go of anything that has been keeping you stuck in the wishing that things were different than the way they are.
- Forgive. While your ex may be someone you want to consider forgiving, just so that you can experience peace from anger, upset and regret, I invite you to begin by forgiving yourself. Forgive yourself for anything for which you have been blaming or making yourself wrong. If there are any regrets you didn’t let go of in the second step, or if some anger or resentment happens to come up again, accept, let go, and forgive yourself (or him) for it. Bringing love and compassion to yourself will make it much easier for you to begin to open your heart so that you can receive it from another.
And you’re right. No man should be a motivation for a brighter future. The only thing that truly results in transforming ourselves and our lives is actually inspiration, because it’s motivation that comes from within. Bring acceptance to this situation; let go of all of the pain and suffering you’ve been holding on to; and bring love and compassion to yourself. Once you’ve done that, you’ll be on the path to having the love and the life that your heart truly desires!
Comments? Questions? Let us know below! We love hearing from you!
Image courtesy of FreeDigitalPhotos.net
