by heartsdesireintl | Nov 3, 2012 | Dating, Gratitude, HDI Blog, Intimacy, Love, Marriage, Relationship, Romance
Happiness is something that comes from within. If we spend our time looking for it outside of ourselves – in things, places, accomplishments, or in another person – we will always be searching. We’ll never reach that place of contentment and fulfillment.
So, how do we create happiness, and how does being in a relationship affect that sense of joy? I strongly believe that happiness – true happiness – begins with gratitude. It begins by seeing all that you already have, the blessings that fill your life, and allowing yourself to really experience the feeling of gratitude. Does that mean that you just have to “settle” for what you currently have? Does living in gratitude mean that you don’t continue to dream, to reach, and to grow? No! It just means that you acknowledge what already is, express gratitude for it, and, in doing so, attract and allow more of what is good to come to you, playing your part by taking actions consistent with what it is you want.
And, now, what about relationships? Most people want a happy, loving, intimate relationship. So, of course, that means that you would have someone there with you, experiencing and creating the happiness with you, right? Perhaps the best way to explain it is thinking of your partner’s role in your happiness as “the bonus.” He adds, contributes to, and enhances the happiness that is already yours. When we are happy, we attract more happiness. So it stands to reason that, when you already are experiencing joy in your life, you naturally attract someone who (1) recognizes the joy in you, (2) is attracted to that spirit of joy, (3) and sees himself as capable of adding to that joy! See, the joy you radiate is what has him notice you in the first place!
So, take some time today to experience joy. Even if there is some sadness in your heart… Even if, right now, you know your life is not exactly where you’d like it to be. Just take a few moments, and notice the blessings and miracles that already surround you. Then just sit with them for a bit and allow yourself to experience gratitude and just feel the happiness filling your heart. As you go about your day, hold onto that feeling and radiate it in your speaking and way of being and allow joy to seize you!
Share your moments of happiness with us! We love to hear from you!
Photo credit: Franchesca Rullan of FCPR Studios
by heartsdesireintl | Nov 2, 2012 | Dating, HDI Blog, Intimacy, Love, Marriage, Relationship, Relationship Advice, Romance
by Gladys Diaz
“Once you choose hope, anything is possible.”
~ Christopher Reeve
In speaking to singles – both men and women – I’ve noticed that they have so many of the same concerns. There’s the fear of dating, period – some are paralyzed by the thought of putting their profile on an online dating site, or even going out in order to meet people. Others are not “too afraid” of dating. They are more scared by the thought that they will date and date and not find the person who’s right for them. And, even those who are dating someone regularly are afraid that he/she may not be “the one,” and that they’ll end up “stuck” with or settling for someone, or even that there may be someone else out there – someone better… (What if “the right one” is out there and I’m with this person, instead?”)
The first thing I do is let them know that their fears and doubts are a normal part of the human nature. We’re always going to be afraid when we face the unknown. It’s what drives many of us to become “control freaks” and block many opportunities for getting to know someone, prevent a relationship to flow at its own pace, and judging and assessing everything the other person does or says to make sure he/she’s not “playing” us. But, while these are “normal” fears and doubts, we do get a say in how we respond and react to them. We can allow the fear to present itself, and then still take an action that would move us in the direction of what we say we want: a loving, passionate, intimate relationship!
And, how do we do this? By focusing on three things: Faith, Hope, and Love.
- Faith: If you’re like most people you probably believe that true love is possible. However, when you get down to it, do you believe that it’s possible for you? Or are you honoring a limiting belief that you are the one human being in all of the history of human kind who was created for the sole purpose of living life alone? If you are entertaining that belief, I invite you to let it go! You are human, and, as such, were created to belong, be loved, and be part of something bigger than yourself. Your birthright is to be loved! So, whenever those limiting thoughts pop into your head, bring faith to your fears and know that love is possible, and it IS possible for YOU!
- Hope: While it can seem like faith and hope mean the same thing, they are actually different. See faith is believing in what is yet unseen – what has still not come to pass. Hope is the expectation that it is already on its way! It’s knowing what you want to experience in the relationship, and not trying to “force” or make it happen. It’s about meeting someone knew, and, rather than fast-forwarding to the wedding date and what that will be like, staying in the present moment and listening – to the other person, to your intuition, and to how you feel when you’re with him and relishing in the here and now. It’s about allowing things to unfold naturally, and believing that it is all unfolding perfectly for you! And it’s about happily and graciously welcoming the good that comes to you, rather than having a list of expectations or criteria for determining whether or not he or “this” is it!
- Love: And, as I always say, you need to BE the love you want to see. And, while, of course, what we are focusing on is attracting and experiencing romantic love, this doesn’t only apply to romantic relationships. Bring love into everything you do. Bring love to every thought, word, action, and reaction. Have love be the air you breathe. Allow love, in all of its forms, to flow to and from you. Being loving is the way to attract more and more love into your life. So live a life of love!
Being single doesn’t have to be “hard” or a burden. Approaching your life with the faith that love is possible for you; hope that everything that has happened and is happening right now is already working together to make your dreams come true; and living a life of love can make this part of your Love Journey peaceful, exciting, rewarding, and fun!
How will you bring faith, hope, and love into your life? Please share your comments! We love to hear from you!
Photo credit: pchow98 via photopin.com cc
by heartsdesireintl | Nov 1, 2012 | Dating, Gratitude, HDI Blog, Intimacy, Love, Marriage, Relationship, Relationship Advice, Romance
by Gladys Diaz
There are days when I realize that I’m not being very loving to myself. Sometimes that can mean I’m not taking time to practice self-care, and, more often, it’s in the form of negative self-talk. For someone who has committed her life to bringing love into the hearts and lives of women, I can be pretty brutal in the way that I speak to myself. I’ve been doing some personal development sessions with a friend of mine, and the last session we did had to do with how unforgiving we can be to ourselves. And I see how, although I am usually a very compassionate, forgiving, and accepting person with others, I hold myself to almost unreachable standards, and I can be really hard on myself when I don’t meet those standards.
So, rather than giving myself a further “lashing” by making myself “bad and wrong” for not being more loving with myself, I decided to take a few moments and just write down a few affirmations that I can post on the wall right behind my computer screen (I call it my “Inspiration Wall,” because I have positive quotes, sayings, and the pictures of the people I love most on the wall (of course, my amazing husband’s picture is right in the center of the wall!).
Here are a few of the affirmations I wrote:
I am beautiful, inside and out, and deserving of love, especially my own.
I am intelligent, creative, and inspiring.
I am divine, blessed, and anointed by God.
I am generous, patient, compassionate, and forgiving.
I attract love, joy, peace, and abundance simply because of who I am.
I deserve rest, fun, and pleasure.
I am receptive, gracious, and grateful.
The love I give flows from me, because I am a source of love in this world.
I am the embodiment of love, grace, wisdom, and power.
I am growing, becoming, and evolving into the best version of myself.
A couple of things happened as I wrote down the statements. At times, I hesitated and wanted to revise what I wrote, because it felt like “too much.” I don’t want to come across as vain or full of myself. And then I thought, “Wait! I am full of my Self! And this is who I am!” So, I let go of the inner-critic and just allowed the thoughts to flow. And, as I read them aloud to myself, I was moved. Because, even when I’m procrastinating, even when I don’t honor my word, even when I allow unloving words to escape my lips, the essence of who I am is love, grace, and compassion. And this is only true because I say so.
I’m making a promise to myself to read these affirmations to myself at least once a day. I know that the love I want to see in the world begins with me, and that comes from how I speak to myself. I can’t draw from an empty well!
What about you? What are you telling yourself? Are there affirmations you say or want to begin saying to yourself? If so, please share them below and click the box to be notified of comments on this post so that you can read other women’s affirmations and we can encourage one another on this self-love journey!
Photo credit: jessamyn via photopin.com cc
by heartsdesireintl | Oct 31, 2012 | Dating, HDI Blog, Intimacy, Love, Marriage, Relationship, Relationship Advice, Romance
by Gladys Diaz
“The greatest gift that you can give to others is the gift of unconditional love and acceptance.”
~ Brian Tracy
When we ask women what they are looking for in a relationship, many times, they will say that they want to find someone who will love and accept them exactly the way they are. Putting aside that this is more about “who” they are looking to attract, rather than the experience they want to create (see our blog post on giving up “the checklist” and what to do once you’ve given up the checklist), what I hear in their responses is that they just want someone to love them. They want to be in a relationship with someone who will not try to “fix” or “change” them, someone with whom they can be themselves.
In the end, I think that’s what we all want – both women and men!
Here’s the thing. As we’ve shared in previous posts, we need to BE what we want to see in our relationships. Many times, although we want to be loved and accepted for who we are, we forget that, in order to attract someone with whom we can create a loving and accepting relationship – where both of us can be who we are, free of fear of judgment – then we need to BE loving and accepting ourselves. We need to see someone – with all of their quirks, and habits, ideas, and ways of being – and offer the same selfless acceptance we want to receive. And this is where many times I see a “disconnect” between what women say they want and who they are willing to be.
I read a lot of dating and relationship blogs as part of my own personal development. As much as I don’t always like the content, I also watch a few reality shows, as a way to study the dynamics between the men and women on the shows. So many times, I am just floored by how quickly women interpret a guy’s mistake as a sign that he’s “a loser,” he’s “playing games,” or he’s “not marriage material.” The fear of “wasting her time” and/or getting hurt, has the woman discount, disregard, and totally tear apart the poor guy in her blog post.
Or I’ll see women telling their husbands, boyfriends, or dates how they should dress, speak, act, and react on national TV in a totally disrespectful, “parental,” and, quite frankly, unattractive way. And I usually rewind back to the moment when this happened and just watch how the men’s facial expressions and body language change. I can physically see them look down, slump a little, sometimes look shocked, and other times see them completely shut down.
The act of unconditional love – they type of love we all want to create and experience – includes accepting all of who that person is. It means embracing the parts of the person we love and the parts we don’t. It means extending understanding and forgiveness in the same measure we hope to receive it. It means keeping in mind that our guy is not “fixer-upper project.” He is who he is. And he may choose to change, but the choice to change is his and, if you’ve promised to love him, then you promised to love him – the good, the not-so-good, and everything in between.
We can only receive unconditional love to the extent that we are willing to give it. We can only attract to ourselves that which we are being. And the “bonus” in all of this – what makes it a win-win – is that, since we’re not expecting “perfection,” then we don’t have to be perfect. Since we are being generous and gracious in our understanding and forgiving, then we can experience what it’s like to receive that, too. And that, since we are being the best version of ourselves, we can experience the type of happiness, intimacy, and tenderness our hearts truly desire and deserve!
How will you bring love and acceptance to your relationships?
Photo credit: samcaplat via photopin.com cc
by heartsdesireintl | Oct 30, 2012 | Dating, HDI Blog, Intimacy, Love, Marriage, Relationship, Relationship Advice, Romance
by Gladys Diaz
“In every marriage more than a week old, there are grounds for divorce. The trick is to find, and continue to find, grounds for marriage.”
– Robert Anderson
One of the first things we tell the women who we coach or who attend our workshops is that, if you’re going to play, play to win. What does that mean? Sometimes, when things in a relationship are not going as well as the woman would like them to, particularly if the couple has been struggling for a while, although they are attending a workshop or receiving coaching in an effort to turn things around, their actions and words point to the fact that they are trying to “get out.” They’re listening to the coaching, but from a context that things are not going to change anyway.
(more…)
by heartsdesireintl | Oct 29, 2012 | Dating, Gratitude, HDI Blog, Intimacy, Love, Marriage, Relationship, Relationship Advice, Romance
by Gladys Diaz
Last week, a “cyber-friend” of mine lost her husband. Although it was a virtual friendship that started when she heard me speak at a business woman’s networking event, we did create a connection by commenting on one another’s Facebook posts. Soon after we became FB friends, I learned that her husband had been battling cancer for over 3 years. Immediately, our connection grew stronger, with me having experienced my late husband’s battle with cancer over 14 years ago.
Whenever she would write about some good news they received, I felt like I was celebrating right along with her. When they encountered a roadblock or received bad news, I was saddened along with her and tried to send words of hope and encouragement. A few weeks ago, they were given the news no one wants to hear, that there was nothing else modern medicine could do to treat her husband’s cancer. I was frightened for her. I remember hearing those words and being so unwilling to accept them. I remember praying harder than ever and begging God to keep my late husband alive. Although I continued to pray for a miracle, I was afraid for her.
(more…)
