Wow! We received some great questions and ideas for video blogs about dating and relationships! If you have a question you’d like us to answer, just write it in the comments below and let us know what it is!
As you know, in “How to Start Dating Again, Part 1,” I gave 2 steps to take before you begin dating again. The first one – honoring your desire to be in a loving relationship – is true for both singles and single moms alike!
In this video, Michelle shares two additional tips! The first one is a “must” for all single women who are on a date, and the second tip is specific to single moms who are wondering how and when to introduce someone to their children!
Remember, if you’re not single, but you know a single mom who wants to get ready to date and love again, make sure you share the LOVE with her by sending he the link to the video
Just click the image below to view and share these tips!
You truly do deserve to have the love and happiness your heart desires, and we want to do everything we can to help you make your dreams come true!
Watch the video and, if you have a question you’d like us to answer, justpost it in the comments below, and we’ll be happy to answer it for you!!
Here’s our response to another great question we received after our amazing Transformational Tuesday interview with Deborah Deras! This one was sent to us by a single mother who wanted to know what she could do to start dating again.
Single, but not a single mother? There are some tips in here that will help you on your journey, as well!
Not single or a single mother, but know someone who is? Show her how much you care about and want her to have extraordinary love in her life by sharing this video with her!
Being a single mother can be lonely and scary. Those of us who have children know how challenging it can be at times to remember that you’re a woman, aside from being a mother, and that you have the desire to love and be loved beyond the love you give and receive from your children. You want that romantic, passionate love that you’ve always dreamed of.
It can be scary and difficult to open yourself up to the idea of loving again, even without children. However, being a single mother means also managing childcare, having time for yourself, and learning to date again!
In this video, I share the first steps a single mother must take to get ready to date and love again! In Part 2, Michelle will share the steps to take once you actually begin dating again!
Click the image below to view and share these tips!
We believe you deserve to have all of the love and happiness your heart desires!
Watch the video and let us know if there is anything we can do to support you in creating that in your life by sharing your comments and questions below!
This week, I’ve been dealing with a really bad cold, but, as “luck” would have it, the cold provided me with more evidence of the 3 P’s to share with you, because my husband has gone above and beyond this week to do everything in his power to Provide for, Protect, and (wait for it…) Please me!
That’s right! The third “P” most important to a man is that he feels like he is able to Pleaseyou.
Now, this may be difficult for you to believe if you’re either not in a great relationship, or it’s been a while since you’ve felt like a man has gone out of his way to make you happy. But trust me, this one is right up there with the other two P’s as something that is essential to a man.
Why is pleasing you so important to him?
Well, no good man ever wakes up in the morning saying, “I wonder what I can do today to make her absolutely miserable!”
First of all, if you’re miserable, chances are you are making him miserable, too!
Secondly, it really does make a man feel fulfilled and complete to know that he is capable of making you feel happy.
You’ll often here me say:
A man doesn’t just want to see you smiling. He also wants to know that he had something to do with the smile on your face!(Tweet, Tweet that one!)
When a man has the consistent experience that nothing he does is good enough, or that “there’s just no pleasing you,” it makes him want to withdraw and stop trying. He doesn’t want to know that he’s doing anything that is causing you to feel disappointed or unhappy. It simply doesn’t feel “good” or “right” to him to know that he’s contributing to your unhappiness.
So, what are some ways that you can help a man contribute to your happiness?
Stop making what makes you happy a secret!
Let him know what makes you happy. If there are things that you enjoy, like, or prefer, make let him know. If there is something you’d like to eat, an item you’d like to purchase, or a place you’d like to visit, tell him. Now, don’t tell him what to do or how to do it. Just let him know that it’s something that would make you happy. Let him figure out how to make it happen if he chooses to. Don’t make him try to guess or figure out what you want. Instead, set him up to win, because when he wins, you win!
If something he does pleases you, inform your face! In other words: SMILE! Don’t keep your happiness a secret because you feel like you’ll owe him something or you feel like he’ll stop trying. In fact, the very opposite is true. The positive feeling of knowing that he did something to make you smile is like a drug to man. He’s going to want to repeat that feeling – for you and himself – again, so you’ve just increased the chances that he’ll look for other ways to please you.
Show your appreciation. Don’t withhold your appreciation in an effort to seem like what he did is “no big deal.” You know how great it feels when you do something nice for someone and they let you know how much it meant to them. He’s no different. Letting him know that you are both happy and grateful for what he did will go a long way toward creating a wonderful cycle of giving, receiving, and appreciation in your relationship!
A good man will always do what he cans to please you.
If you feel like the man in your life has stopped doing the little things to make you happy, rather than looking outward at what he’s doing (or not doing; or not doing “well enough”) –
Look within and see if you’ve stopped telling him what makes you happy out of fear that you won’t get it.
See if you’ve been acting as if you don’t notice what he’s doing, or if you’ve been complaining that it’s not enough.
Ask yourself if you’ve stopped demonstrating your appreciation for the little things, the big things, and everything in between.
If you’ve been doing any of the above, don’t beat yourself up about it. Instead, make today the day you begin to turn things around by starting to look for and notice the things he is doing – even if it’s something you think he should be doing.
Then smile and let him know that, not only are you happy, but that he had something to do with the smile on your face!
Comments? Questions? Let us know below! We love hearing from you!
This week is a special one in the Heart’s Desire family! Michelle & Arnie celebrated their 4th Wedding Anniversary!
If you see Michelle and Arnie together today, what you’ll witness is true and pure love. They have one of those relationships that just take your breath away and make you believe that dreams really can come true.
What you wouldn’t be able to see at first glance is that their story was very much like many of yours! See, there was a time when Michelle had given up on the idea that she would ever find the man who would help make her dreams come true.
After almost 13 years of a very difficult marriage, she found herself a young, single mother of two pre-teen boys. She had tried “the dating thing” and found that she kept having the same failed relationship – or pseudo-relationship, because they were only relationships in her mind – over and over again.
“I kept dating the same guy, with a different face, and in a different body, but the results were always the same: They were either unavailable, ‘getting separated,’ or had some type of drug or alcohol problem.”
It seems like, no matter what she tried to do, she just couldn’t get it “right.”
She began to lose hope on finding true love and wanted to give up.
Then something shifted.
Michelle’s coach told her something that would change her life forever.
He asked her, “What do all of those guys have in common?”
“They’re men!” she said.
“Besides, biology,” he said, “what’s the one thing they all have in common?”
She paused, not wanting to say it. “Me.”
The only thing every single one of those men and relationships and in common was her.
This is what started Michelle on the inner journey that has led to her experiencing the love of her dreams!
She began doing the inner work to distinguish, dismantle, and replace the fears, doubts and limiting beliefs that had been causing her to repeat dysfunctional and painful patterns so that she could open her heart to experiencing true love.
And, it was thanks to being courageous enough to be willing to do that work that on a Valentine’s Day 9 years ago Michelle went on her first date with Arnie, and began creating her own Lifetime Love Story!
Was it “easy” work? Not always?
Was it always “fun”? No.
But it was the willingness to stop complaining about how unhappy and frustrated she was and to begin transforming herself and her life that lead to her living her dream-come-true!
And allof the steps that she took, the changes that she made, and the inner work that she did are what we’ve included in our Ready to Love Againprogram!
See, as happy as Michelle is in her marriage and I am in mine, we believe with every bit of our hearts that it is every woman’s birthright to have the experience of loving and being lovedbeyond her wildest dreams every single day of her life.
This is why we’ve used our own experiences – our own Love Journeys of heartache, loss, and finding love again – to help women around the world create the life and the love of their dreams!
To celebrate Michelle and Arnie’s fourth anniversary as well as making this the last Valentine’s Day you spend without the love of your dreams, we are giving you a very special opportunity to purchase the Ready to Love Again Home Study Course for almost 50% off the regular price!
That’s how committed we are to you finally breaking through the behaviors, beliefs, and patterns that are keeping you stuck in heartache and loneliness!
Women around the world are experiencing breakthroughs in their lives they never anticipated!
They are attracting great men into their lives!
They are no longer settling for less than they deserve!
And some are planning their weddings!
There is absolutely no reason for you to spend one more Valentine’s Day wishing you finally had the love your heart desires.
Take a step today toward making your dreams come true by allowing us to guide you on your Love Journey.
Are you tired of attracting the wrong man into your life?
Does it feel as if you keep dating the same man with a different face, name, and body?
If it seems as if you keep repeating the same patterns and having the same experiences in dating and relationships, you’ll want to tune in and watch this video where I answer the question, “How do I stop attracting the wrong man?” which was submitted by one of the viewers who saw our Transformational Tuesday interview, “Getting Ready to Love Again,” with Deborah Deras!*
In this video, I explain what may be causing you to create the same experience over and over again in dating and relationships– even if it’s something you don’t want!
I also walk you through an exercise we do with our clients that helps them to distinguish what some of their Dysfunctional Patterns are so that they can begin to dismantle and deal with them powerfully!
If this video isn’t for you, but you have women in your life who you feel could benefit from the information, please share it with them. There’s nothing more loving you can do than to help another woman break a cycle that is causing her so much frustration and heartache!
After you watch the video, please leave your comments in the Comments section of the blog so that we can continue the conversation!
*P.S. The Transformational Tuesday interview with Deborah Deras received such a great response that we are doing an Encore Presentation tomorrow night, Tuesday, February 10th, at 10:00pm ET. There will be a simultaneous live Twitter Chat where we will answer your questions LIVE as they come in! It’s going to be transformational, informative, fun and FREE!
Today I’d like to focus on the second “P”: Protecting the woman he loves.
It may seem a little old-fashioned to think that a man feels that he needs to “protect” the woman he loves. After all, we women have become very independent and self-sufficient, and we can take care of ourselves – physically, emotionally, and financially.
However, when you think back to the beginning of time, men were the providers and protectors. If they didn’t protect the tribe, people died. It was just that simple.
That need to feel like he’s capable of protecting you from harm is inherent in a man. When he has the experience that he’s not able to prevent something bad from happening to you, he may very well react with what appears to be anger. And, in the moment, it may seem like that anger is directed at you.
I remember one day I was sharing with my husband about a business deal. I had shared an idea and made a verbal agreement with someone about a program that we were going to partner together to create and launch. Eventually, it turned out that the person went ahead with the idea without me and offered me a role in the project, but not a full partnership. I, of course, was disappointed and hurt, and shared these feelings with my husband. I shared that I still wanted to be part of the project, because I believed in it, but I was very hurt that I had been informed about the change in plans after the fact.
All of a sudden, I felt like I was being “attacked.” Instead of comforting and encouraging me, he began yelling and telling me that I would be a fool to continue working with this person who obviously took an idea we had brainstormed together and ran with it on her own, without discussing anything with me. He kept getting louder and angrier, and I was completely confused and felt as if he was rubbing salt in my wounds.
Rather than say something I would regret, I went upstairs and laid in my chaise lounge chair, crying. On top of being hurt, I was angry! Why was he taking this out on me?
Then I asked myself a question that has helped me to move from anger to understanding in the past.
What would have him say something like that to me?
See, my husband loves me, and I know that he wants to protect me from harm, not cause me harm. As soon as I asked myself that question (What would have him say something like that to me?”), I was able to see it as clear as day: He was trying to protect me!
See, in my husband’s eyes, someone had let me down, hurt me, cost me what could have been a great financial opportunity, and left me out of a partnership I had been so excited about being a part of.
However, worse than all of that, there was nothing he could do to prevent or “fix” it for me.
He felt helpless because he didn’t and couldn’t protect me!
After I moved from anger to compassion, I then moved into a space of gratitude!
I was so grateful that my husband was so loving and protective – even if he didn’t express it the way I would express it.
I walked downstairs, stood behind the couch he was sitting on, leaned down, and whispered in his ear, “I get it. You’re upset because you want to protect me from being hurt or taken advantage of. Thank you for your love.”
He turned around and looked me in the eye. I don’t know if it was shock and awe at the fact that I’d figured it out, or just plain and simple relief that I got what he’d been trying to express, but I’ll never forget the look in his eyes. He just said, “I am upset. I love you and don’t like seeing you sad or hurt.”
I walked around the couch, sat next to him, and nuzzled my nose into the crook of his neck and cried a little bit more.
Nothing had been resolved, but I felt loved, protected and at peace, no matter what ended up happening with the business project! I had my hero next to me, and, right then and there, that was all that really mattered!
Think about it:
Has there been a time when you felt like your husband or boyfriend wasn’t being supportive of your dream or idea?
Consider that he wants more than anything to see you realize your dream and be happy, and is afraid you’ll be disappointed if your idea fails. And, because there’s nothing he can do to stop that from happening, he tries to discourage you from getting your hopes too high.
Has there been a time when he’s gotten angry at you for being friends with or associating with someone who has hurt or disappointed you in the past?
Consider that he hates seeing you sad and upset, so he gets angry, and directs that anger at you, because he’s afraid you’ll get hurt and disappointed again. And, because there isn’t much he can do to prevent that from happening, he tries pointing out how foolish it is to trust someone who was capable of hurting or lying to you in the first place.
Regardless of what your specific situation is, if you can try to listen for the love behind the words of anger, it’s very possible that you will also hear his his desire to keep you safe.
While you may not understand his approach, if you can listen for and hear his love and concern and his desire to protect you, you, too, will be able to move from upset, to compassion, to gratitude that you have a man at your side who wants nothing more than to be your hero!
Questions? Comments? Let us know below! We love hearing from you!
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