by heartsdesireintl | Aug 13, 2013 | Communication, Dating, Forgiveness, Heart's Desire International, Intimacy, Love, Marriage, Relationship Advice, Romance
by Gladys Diaz
“Forget past mistakes. Forget failures. Forget everything except what you’re going to do now and do it.”
~ William Durant
I posted this quote on our Facebook page over the weekend, and it really stuck with me. How many times in our lives do we use the mistakes and failures of the past to keep us stuck where we are? We’ll replay past conversations (or arguments), choices we made, things that we did (or didn’t do) over and over in our heads, continuously making ourselves wrong for what we did back then. However, we’re also using this as an excuse to not move ahead and make a different choice now.
The truth is that if you’re human, you’ve made at least one mistake in the past 24 hours. So, when it comes to love, what would have us believe that we need to be infallible, incapable of making a mistake now and again? And what would make us believe that we are incapable of making different choices, knowing what we know now?
Part of it may be that we’ve seen patterns repeated in our lives. Perhaps there’s been a pattern of choosing men who were not faithful or ready to commit to us. Maybe we’ve made and broken promises to be more respectful and less harsh in our actions and words toward the men we love. Or maybe the promises we’ve broken have been those we’ve made to ourselves – about finally making a commitment to doing whatever it takes to have the relationship of our dreams, or about giving up the fear that has kept us feeling stuck and alone and having the courage to go out there and date or walk up to our beloved and ask for forgiveness.
Whatever it is that has been keeping you stuck in the past – whatever failures, mistakes, or regrets you’ve been holding onto – it’s time to let them go. It’s time to forgive yourself, him, them, and everything else you’ve been making wrong, and just make a choice now to create a brand new start!
So what will you do to create a new start in your love life?
Will you finally let go of resentment and forgive yourself or others?
Will you give up the pride that’s been keeping you stuck and ask for forgiveness?
Will you put your profile up on dating site and just open up to the possibility of attracting new love?
Will you recommit yourself to the relationship you’re in and begin making the changes that will reignite the love that’s begun to fade?
Will you begin working with a relationship coach who can help you identify the fears and patterns holding you back so that you can break free from them and finally start living the life and the love your heart desires? If you’re ready, you’ll want to check out the Create Your Love Story coaching program that is helping women transform their love lives!
Whatever it is that you’re ready to do to breathe life into your love life and relationships, choose one thing you are going to do and do it now!
And let me know what that is in the comments below, because I’d love to hear what it is and support you in any way I can!
Image courtesy of FreeDigitalPhotos.net
by heartsdesireintl | Aug 9, 2013 | Dating, HDI Blog, Heart's Desire International, Intimacy, Love, Marriage, Relationship Advice, Romance, Sex
by Gladys Diaz
As women, we don’t always realize the incredible power we have to create the types of relationships we long to experience. It’s easy to look outside of ourselves – perhaps to the history in our families around relationships, to what the world and media outlets are saying is possible, to other people (mainly men) that we can blame – to explain or justify why we are not experiencing what we want in our love lives and relationships.
What takes courage and vulnerability is the willingness to turn the mirror around and look within. It takes courage because, acknowledging that I am the one who can create a change in my life – that I have the power to do that – means that I have to take responsibility for why my relationship and my life don’t look the way I want them to. It means acknowledging where I might need to make some changes, let go of trying to control things, and create space in my life for the love, laughter, peace, and miracles I want to see, feel, and live!
As I shared with someone earlier this week, when I am willing to be responsible for the role I’ve played in my life and my relationship looking the way they do, then I can also take the credit for having made the changes necessary to turn them around! Now, that’s empowering!
As empowering as it is, it’s not always “easy” to take on being responsible and making the changes that will make a difference. And it also doesn’t make it any less scary. There will be a part of us that will wonder or doubt whether the changes will really make a difference. And it can be tempting to have that fear and doubt talk us out of taking action.
For example, a single woman may wonder if giving up her checklist of necessary requirements a man “must” meet in order to date her will mean that she’ll have to settle for someone she’s not interested in or attracted to. Unless her belief that she can have the relationship of her dreams with a man who is interesting, to whom she’s attracted, and who treats her like the goddess she is becomes bigger than her fear, she’ll make the fear and doubt the reasons why she can’t give up the checklist. And she may be cheating herself out of experiencing the very relationship she says she wants.
If a married woman feels that her marriage has lost the romance, that there’s no more friendship or passion, and all that’s left is an amicable roommate-type of relationship, she may wonder whether being more appreciative, more vulnerable, and inviting some romance back into the relationship and the bedroom will work. After all… it’s been years since she felt butterflies in her stomach and gotten goosebumps when he touches or looks at her that way. Allowing herself to be vulnerable also means taking a risk, not knowing how he’ll respond or whether he’ll be interested in having things change. So, unless her belief that she can experience love, passion, and romance again with the man she promised to love forever is bigger than her fear of possibly having her efforts rejected, the fears and doubts will have her cheat herself out of experiencing the very intimacy she longs for.
So, to begin choosing your heart’s desires over your fears:
- Acknowledge what your heart desires. Write it down. Describe how your dream relationship feels. What is the experience of being in that relationship like?
- Notice the fears and doubts that come up as you are describing your dream relationship. What types of thoughts creep into your mind?
- Choose to honor your heart’s desires over your fears. Acknowledge the fears and doubts, and choose to take an action that’s aligned with the type of relationship you want to have, anyway!
It simply comes down to choice. You can choose your fears and doubts, or you can choose to honor your heart’s desires. You can choose to avoid taking a risk, or you can choose to put your heart on the line and allow yourself the opportunity to be pleasantly surprised. You can choose to talk about wanting a happy, loving, intimate relationship, or you can create one. You can choose to allow things to stay the way they are and pretend like you don’t have the power to change them, or you can begin taking the steps to transform them.
The choice, as with anything else, is always up to you.
The real question is: Will you choose to step into your power to create the relationship and the life your heart desires?
If you’re ready to choose your happiness, your dreams, and your heart desires and you’d like support in making them come true, then take a few moments to learn more about how you can begin putting that choice into action today!
Click here to learn more!
This is your life and your happiness we’re talking about! It’s time to choose YOU!
Questions? Comments? Let us know below! We love hearing from you!
Image courtesy of FreeDigitalPhotos.net
by heartsdesireintl | Aug 2, 2013 | Dating, Heart's Desire International, Intimacy, Love, Marriage, Relationship Advice
by Gladys Diaz
The beginning of this week was tough for me. I had a busy weekend and kept going, and going, and going, adding more things on my plate. On Saturday, after a long morning of not-so-successful fishing with the family, I curled up on the couch with my favorite Disney flannel blanket, ready to take a nap to the sound of the falling rain (one of my favorite things to do!). A few minutes later, however, my husband reminded me that we’d told the boys we’d take them to go see a movie. I rested for a bit, but I wasn’t able to take the yummy nap I’d settled in to take.
On Sunday, I I spend most of the day cleaning the house. Usually, the boys and my husband will help me, but, for some unknown reason, I didn’t ask for help. So, what could have taken me two hours, ended up taking four hours. I was exhausted. Then I had to run over to my mom’s house and do groceries for her. By the time I got home, it was about 9:00 p.m., and, after I folded and put the clothes away and finally sitting down, I began to notice that I was feeling a little “off” — not really sick, per se, but not quite like myself.
I chalked it up to just being tired, but, by the time I woke up on Monday, my head and body felt heavy. I felt as if I could not overcome the desire to close my eyes. At first, I thought I had the flu, but I had none of the symptoms. All I knew was that it was as if my body was screaming at me to give it some rest. So I laid down on the day bed in my husband’s home office to talk to him for a little bit… And I fell asleep for four hours! That night, I let my husband take care of dinner for the boys and I went to bed early (for me) and slept another ten hours!
Tuesday morning, I still did not feel like myself, and since I didn’t have any early appointments, I stayed in bed for as long as I could before going to my desk. I worked in my pajamas, in case I got the chance to lie down again. I’d promised my kids I’d finish work early so that we could do something fun together. When I asked my son if he wanted to go bowling, he said, “Mama, you’re not feeling well. You should really rest.” (Out of the mouth of babes…)
When he said that, I realized how easy it is for me to put everything and everyone before myself. I clearly still did not feel 100% like myself, but I was going to put that aside so that I could do something with my kids, which probably would not have been fun, given the way I was feeling. I saw how my little one was more in touch with how I was feeling than I was, and I was filled with gratitude for the love I felt coming from him! Now, why wasn’t I giving that same type of love to myself?
Do you do the same thing? Do you tend to put aside your needs and your heart’s desires to take care of other people and “more important things”?
For example, do say you want to be in a loving, fulfilling relationship, but tend to put all of your time, energy, and attention into your work and career? Do you put off going out on dates and possibly meeting the man of your dreams because you’re simply “too busy”?
Do you do everything for everyone else in your home — cook, clean, take care of the bills and make all of the decisions, but deny yourself the time to just relax with a good book, call up or spend some time with a girlfriend, or take a nap?
Do you tend to avoid dealing the issues that you and your husband or partner are experiencing by diving into projects at work or in the community? Is it easier to pretend those problems are not there or that they will somehow, magically, work themselves out?
It can be easy to lose sight of what we really want. We can create excuses, reasons, and justifications for why something else is more urgent or more important. But when we do that, we are also denying ourselves the things we desire most, and, with that, will come a corresponding drop in vitality, in our sense of joy and fulfillment, and in our sense of worth.
So, are you with me? Will you go ahead and put yourself at the top of your list of priorities? Will you make a choice right now to do something that you enjoy, that brings you pleasure, and that allows you to feel like you are at the top of your list?
If so, please tell me what you are going to do for yourself in the comment box below! I want to celebrate with you!
And, for those of you who are single and are ready to stop putting your love life, your happiness, and your heart’s desires on hold, I want to invite you to learn about my new “Create Your Love Story” coaching and mentoring program. This program will allow you and me to work together so that you can learn the skills that will have you attract the love that you want, create the love story you dream of and pray about, and have that love last for a lifetime.
Put yourself at the top of your list and sign up to work with me now!
===>>Click here to learn more!<<===
P.S. If you missed the “Creating the Relationship of Your Dreams” 90-Minute Training Call and you want to do the exercises that will help you create the relationship of your dreams now, there will be an encore call Friday, August 2nd, at 3:00 p.m. Eastern. The link will remain live until midnight on Saturday, but you must sign up for the call in order to get the call-in details.
Join this life-changing call and begin living the life and love of your dreams!
Comments? Questions? Let us know below! We love hearing from you!
by heartsdesireintl | Jul 30, 2013 | breakups, Dating, Forgiveness, Heart's Desire International, heartache, Intimacy, Love, Marriage, Relationship Advice, Romance
by Gladys Diaz
A resounding theme keeps popping up in my Inbox, conversations with clients, and even on TV shows. The theme is courage.
Any time we want to create something new in our lives – whether it’s transitioning to a new career, moving to a new home, or taking on a new goal or lifestyle – there will be fears that come up. And the thought of starting a new relationship or restoring the intimacy in an existing relationship is no exception. In fact, contemplating the possibility of letting love into our lives and hearts can be one of the most terrifying experiences we can have.
Why?
Well, because of our past. Most of us have experienced some type of disappointment and heartache as a result of having allowed ourselves to love someone. Sometimes the pain is a result of a betrayal, of poor timing, having fallen for someone who simply wasn’t right for us, or not having had the knowledge or awareness of how to make things work.
One of the first things we do when we begin working with clients is to help them see how their fears are actually causing them to reject and block the possibility of experiencing love. We do a series of exercises where we help the person identify the fears, resentments, and regrets, and guide her through letting releasing and letting go of them so that she is able to create a space where love is able to flow freely to, through, and from her. If you were on the “Creating the Relationship of Your Dreams” Teleclass, you experienced the power of this exercise for yourself!
It’s only when we release the heaviness of all of disempowering thoughts and negative beliefs from the past that we can feel free to let love in, here and now.
Are you ready to let love in? If so, ask yourself:
- Am I willing to let go of resentment? Is there a person (or persons) in your life who hurt, disappointed and/or betrayed you toward whom you’ve been holding onto the anger, pain, and resentment? Are you willing to let that go?
- Am I willing to face my fears and not allow them to choose for me? Too often, we’re allowing the fear of getting hurt again choose whether or not we’re willing to open up our hearts. Unless we identify the fear as just a thought and not what’s actually happening right now, we will cheat ourselves out of the experience of loving and being loved.
- Am I willing to let go of regrets? Perhaps one of the hardest people to forgive is ourselves. We blame ourselves and make ourselves wrong for having said or done the wrong thing – or for not having said or done the right thing. We punish ourselves by replaying our mistakes over and over again. We create a story that we “deserve” to be alone or unhappy. And we do this to protect ourselves, because as uncomfortable and lonely as it may be, at least we’re not risking our hearts again.
Maybe we did make some mistakes along the way. Perhaps we could have said or done something differently. However, it’s also possible that lessons were learned and that we simply didn’t have the knowledge, skills, and awareness necessary to make different choices.
One of the best ways to gain new knowledge and skills and heighten your level of awareness is to work with a coach. Every time I’ve invested in working with a coach, I have been able to completely transform different areas of my life. Whether it’s been learning how to create a healthier lifestyle, causing breakthroughs in my personal and spiritual life, or creating growth in my business, I can trace the changes and results to my working directly with a coach to help make that happen.
This is why I believe so strongly in the power of coaching and why I’ve opened the doors to a new coaching and mentoring program that is going to provide you with the skills, insights, and practices that are going to help you create the type of relationship your heart desires. I’m not talking about a program where you learn a bunch of cute and fun “dating tips” and strategies for getting a man to fall in love with you.
I’m talking about a partnership where you and I work together to break down the walls that have been stopping you from attracting the love that you want and being to put into practice the skills that will help you create a meaningful, fulfilling, loving, and intimate relationship with a man that lasts for a lifetime.
If you are ready to make a commitment to yourself and do the work that it takes to create new love or restore the love and intimacy that has been lost in your relationship, the Create Your Love Story program will provide you with the support, mentorship, and results you have been searching for.
Don’t allow your fears to stop you from actually living in the relationship you wish, pray and dream of. That dream is in your heart for a reason. You were created to love and be loved.
Now it’s time to get out of your own way and begin to completely transform your life and your experience of dating and relationships.
If you’re ready to begin, I’m ready to work with you! Click here to begin creating your love story today!
Comments? Questions? Let us know below! We love hearing from you!
Photo courtesy of FreeDigitalPhotos.net
by heartsdesireintl | Jul 19, 2013 | Communication, HDI Blog, Heart's Desire International, Intimacy, Love, Marriage, Parenting, Relationship Advice, Romance, Sex
by Gladys Diaz
Last Sunday, my husband and I celebrated our 13th Wedding Anniversary! To celebrate, he whisked me away for a long weekend at the beach. I have to say that I was like an expectant bride all week long. The idea of having four whole days away, just the two of us, was so exciting! I had butterflies in my stomach, could barely concentrate, and kept imagining what four days of no schedules and interruptions would look like!
Now, don’t get me wrong. I love our boys, I love being a mom, and I love the time we spend together as a family. I also love seeing my husband with the boys, because he’s such a great dad. But, I also want to have time to spend with my husband. I like the idea of being a couple.
Having those days together, walking on the boardwalk, sitting on the shore and listening to the sound of the waves, sharing a romantic meal, making out and making love whenever we wanted – it was like we used to be in the beginning, where everything was new and it was like we were the only 2 people in the world! I learned things about my husband that I never knew in our 14 years together. It was exciting to know that there is still so much to discover about one another!
As mothers, we have a responsibility to our kids, but we’re also women who are wives and lovers. And, while we may not be able to go away with our husbands every weekend, there are ways that we can continue making “we time” a priority.
1. Have regular date nights. Whether it’s once a week or twice a month, make time to spend time alone together, free of distractions and interruptions. Actually designate and schedule the days or nights when you’ll make time to have a date. To make it fun, take turns planning the dates. Some couples even make a game of trying to out-do one another. But, if doing that becomes stressful and not fun, forget about it and read the next tip! The idea is to enjoy the time you’re spending with each other.
2. Keep it simple. If budget is an issue and you can’t afford to get baby sitters and go out often, have a date night in. After putting the kids to bed, make or order in a nice dinner, or share a special desert. Turn off the TV and smart phones, and just be with one another. Play a board game (be creative about how to make it romantic!), build a puzzle together, or do something else that allows you time to talk and connect. And remember to smile and flirt with him! He still likes that!
3. Make it about the two of you. We all live busy lives, so it may be tempting to start talking about bills, the kids, and household decisions that need to be made when we finally get some uninterrupted time together. However, this is also a great time to really connect with one another. Talk about your goals and dreams. Take time to express how grateful you are to have him in your life and give yourself permission to be mushy!
4. Let go of expectations. You may have a certain picture in your mind about what a “perfect romantic date” should be. If you husband plans something that’s not as exciting or romantic as you would have liked, don’t allow your unmet expectations to cheat you out of enjoying your time together. Just receive his time and attention and appreciate the time you have together. You can always plan something different when it’s your turn to plan the date.
5. Stay present. It’s easy to let our minds wander off when we’re not focused on being present. If you find your mind wandering off, take a nice deep breath, allow yourself to see, hear, and feel where you are and what is around you, and bring yourself back to the present. Sometimes, I actually tell myself, “Where am I? I’m in a restaurant. I’m having a great glass of wine. I hear the soft music in the background. I’m sitting across from the man I love!” This helps me to bring myself back to where I really want to be!
6. Get physical. Whether it’s holding hands, making out, or making one of those board games interesting by coming up with your own sexy rules (wink, wink), make time physical touch. Hugging, touching, kissing, and making love are an important part of marriage. It’s what makes a romantic relationship different from a friendship. So definitely make physical touch a part of your “we time” experience.
If the physical side of your relationship has begun to fizzle or one of you is struggling with making physical intimacy part of the relationship again, keep it fun and light. There are card and board games, coupons, and rolling die that include playful activities that are fun and don’t necessarily involve having intercourse. Focus on other types of touch that may feel more comfortable at first, like hand-holding or a back rub. The important thing is to not have the expectation of having sex seem like an obligation for either one of you. The more you begin to connect, the more likely it is that the other types of intimacy will begin to resurface.
Being parents is part of our relationship as husband and wife, but, before there were kids, there was a couple that loved and couldn’t wait to spend time with one another. Being intentional about having “we time” can help us keep the love, laughter, and romance alive in our relationships, which will make us happier parents, too!
Comments? Questions? Let us know below! We love hearing from you!
Image courtesy of FreeDigitalPhotos.net
by heartsdesireintl | Jul 3, 2013 | Communication, Dating, Heart's Desire International, Intimacy, Love, Relationship Advice
by Gladys Diaz
What are some effective ways to communicate with my partner?
Ask almost anyone what the key to having an effective relationship is and they’ll say: “Good communication.” The issues in relationships come up when people’s definitions of what “good communication” is differ!
So, what are some ineffective ways of communicating and how can we turn them around so that both people in the relationship have the experience of being heard?
Ineffective Communication: Talking too much
For most women, talking comes easily. Studies have shown that women communicate more than men. Depending on which study results you read, women can sometimes speak anywhere from twice to as many as three times the number of words men say. Studies also show that most women also find it easier to communicate what they are feeling than men. This is why we tend to “over-talk” when it comes to issues in the relationships and then we’re upset when we see the glazed look on his face once he’s tuned us out.
Solution: Say it clearly, purely, and briefly.
Many times, when we begin talking about an issue in our relationships, we haven’t done the pre-work of actually getting clear about what it is we want to say. This is why we’ll begin saying too much – giving reasons, details, and explanations to try to clarify the message we’re trying to convey. Instead, get clear about what you’d like to say. Sort through your thoughts and ideas with a friend or family member you trust so that you can weed out any of the information that is not relevant to this particular situation or issue. In other words, ladies, remember this:
Men want to hear headlines and bullet points.
Ineffective Communication: Bringing up the past
You’ve probably experienced it at least in your relationship. You begin “discussing” an issue with your partner and, before you know it, one or both of you is bringing up things that happened last week, last year, or years ago. Now, the discussion (a.k.a. argument) is about ten things other than the original topic of conversation and the main objective has become trying “blame and shame” the other person into being the bad guy. This type of argument leads nowhere and creates a dynamic where it’s not safe to make mistakes and it’s difficult to trust one another when you say that you forgive your partner.
Solution: Leave the past in the past, where it belongs.
Holding onto and bringing up things that have happened in the past is an easy way to build resentment in the relationship. Instead, make it a point to leave the past behind you, where it belongs, and be intentional about focusing on the issue you’d like to resolve. If your partner is the one who brings up the past, resist taking the bait and respectfully let him know that you’d like to resolve this issue first. If done effectively, and you resist that argument, it’s likely that you won’t end up going back to that topic after this one has been discussed.
Ineffective Communication Style: Having to be “right”
Perhaps nothing is more damaging to a relationship than when one or both of the people involved is more committed to being right than to maintaining the intimacy in the relationship. The need to be right – to prove your point, convince or try to change the other person’s mind, and make the other person “wrong” – is one of the biggest intimacy killers! While it’s okay to have your opinion, it’s also important to remember that the person you’re in a relationship with has one, too! Doing everything in your power to try to make someone agree with you and what you’re saying without honoring what they are saying is disrespectful and exhausting!
Solution:
Saying how you think, feel and want are important. However, before you share any of those things, consider what your intention for communicating is. Is your intention to simply share your thoughts, or are you trying to convince or get agreement from the other person. Is your intention to simply share how you feel, or is it to make the other person feel badly? Is your intention to create intimacy in the relationship, or to be right? I often invite my clients to ask themselves the same two questions I ask myself before saying something to my husband:
1) Is what I’m about to say worth the intimacy it is going to cost me? If the answer is “yes,” then I’ll share what I want to say and be willing to accept that it may impact the intimacy in our relationship. If the answer is “no,” then I choose to let it go!
2) Am I more committed to being right or being happy?
The answer to these questions helps me determine whether I still feel the need to prove my point, or whether I am willing to allow for the possibility that maybe – just maybe – there’s another valid point of view and that I can simply to choose to accept and respect, even if I don’t agree with it.
Contrary to what most people believe, communication is not mainly about what you say. It’s also about how you choose to express yourself, and, even more importantly, being willing to listen to the other person. Arguing, disrespecting one another’s thoughts and opinions, and dominating a conversation are simply ineffective ways of creating intimacy, love, and respect in a relationship. Instead, seek ways to express your thoughts and feelings in a way that leaves both of you feeling, honored, appreciated, and heard!
Comments? Questions? Let us know below! We love hearing from you!
Image courtesy of FreeDigitalPhotos.net
