by Gladys Diaz
Today’s post is short and sweet, but powerful. Before you can freely love and be loved, you must love and accept yourself exactly the way you are and exactly the way you are not. You are the doorway through which love flows!
Is there something you’ve been resisting, rejecting, or resenting about yourself? Bring acceptance to it and see what begins to open up for you!
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by Gladys Diaz
Being heard is so close to being loved that for the average person they are almost indistinguishable.
~ David Augsburger
When people think about “good communication,” they usually think about how effectively they can say or deliver their message. As we saw in a blog posted earlier this week, when we discussed the power of your words, it is important to say what you want to say with love and respect. Listening, however, can be an even more important aspect of communication. The way we listen can actually communicate love more loudly than anything we can say.
If we listen with the intention of figuring out what we are going to say in response to what the other person is saying, we are not being present in the conversation. If we are listening through a preconceived “filter” of how we already see and hear the person who is speaking – filled with judgment, lack of belief, etc. – then we may miss what the person is trying to tell us. And, if we allow ourselves to get “triggered” during the conversation, we can totally miss the “heart message” behind the words being spoken.
Contrarily, if we choose to listen – to truly hear the person, the message, and the possibilities behind what is being shared – even if it’s uncomfortable to hear… even if there’s something we’d like to say about it… even if we’re not sure where the conversation will lead… If we can commit to just listening, we give the person speaking the gift of feeling like he/she is being heard, “gotten,” and loved. And, in this act of listening, we give ourselves a gift, too, because, as we listen, we may discover something new about the person and ourselves, we may finally hear the message we’ve been waiting and hoping to hear, and may just experience the love, intimacy, and connection our hearts desire.
To whom will you give the gift of listening today?
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by Gladys Diaz
“Become loving. When you are in the embrace, become the embrace. Become the kiss. Forget yourself so totally that you can say, “I am no more. Only love exists.” Then the heart is not beating, but love is beating. Then the blood is not circulating, but love is circulating. Then eyes are not seeing, love is seeing. Then hands are not moving to touch, love is moving to touch. Become love and enter everlasting life. Love suddenly changes your dimension. You are thrown out of time and you are facing eternity. Love can become a deep meditation, the deepest possible. Lovers have known sometimes what saints have not known.”
~ OSHO
If there is one thing that every person on the planet shares in common, it is that we all want to know what it feels like to love and be loved. Being loved is an intrinsic need, a desire, that is at the core of each and every one of us.
Many times, when things are not going well in a relationship, there can be a tendency to look outside of ourselves – usually at the other person – to explain why things are not working. We see what the other person is doing or not doing, saying or not saying, that is impacting the relationship. And, when we do this, we take ourselves off the hook. We don’t have to take responsibility for the role that we’ve played in things getting to the point that they have. We can hide behind anger and resentment and use that as the excuse for not trying to make things better, and we stop ourselves from being loving because we fear not being loved in return.
In order to experience love, we must choose to BE loving. Rather than looking outside of ourselves for reasons, excuses, and justifications, we can look within to see what we can do to bring love to the relationship. Rather than hoping, wishing and waiting for things to change on their own, we can BE the change in the relationship, and create a space where love is able to show up, be present, fill us and touch those around us.
So, today, in your thoughts, words, actions, and reactions, remember to choose to BE loving.
How will you choose to BE loving today?
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Gladys Diaz
Language does have the power to change reality. Therefore, treat your words as the mighty instruments they are – to heal, to bring into being, to remove, as if by magic, the terrible violations of childhood, to nurture, to cherish, to bless, to forgive – to create from the whole cloth of your soul, true love.
~ Daphne Rose Kingma
One of the most powerful tools we have at our disposal– second only to our thoughts – are our words. Many of us don’t realize the incredible power our words have to create our reality.
Perhaps the most difficult time to harness the power of our words is when we are upset or disappointed. In moments of anger, when we are not being conscious or aware of what we are doing and saying, we can say some of the most damaging things to the person we profess to love the most. We will slice them up and tear them down with accusations, disrespect, and words that have every intention of causing pain.
Unfortunately, many times, it’s not until after the damage has been done that we realize what has already been said. We may feel and even express remorse. But the words were said, and there is no taking them back.
We can also use our words to build up, edify, and honor the ones we love. Affirming who they are for us, declaring the belief we have in them, expressing the gratitude we feel at having the opportunity to love and be loved by them. We can use our words to create what we want to see in the relationship, how we want the experience to be. We can create “spouse-fulfilling prophesies” that communicate: “I choose you. I trust you. I believe in you. I am standing by you,” even when things are not 100% where you would like them to be. Words of encouragement go a much longer way toward inspiring change in ourselves and those we love than do words of criticism and complaint.
I know things are not always “rosy.” Each relationship has its own ups and downs, victories and challenges. I also know that words are powerful, they can create or destroy, build up or tear down, bring hope or cynicism. And, because I believe in my own power to create the life, relationship, and world I want to experience, I will continue choosing to write, speak, share, and listen to words that manifest love, hope, peace, and empowerment!
How do you use your words to create your reality?
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by Gladys Diaz
Making a commitment to change and do whatever it takes to create the type of relationship you have always wanted – whether your are single and ready to attract the man who is right for you, or you are already married or in a committed relationship where some of the intimacy has been lost – takes a huge amount of courage. Below is a message I sent the women who receive our newsletter last year about the steps you can take when you feel ready to make a change.
How am I going to live today in order to create the tomorrow I’m committed to?
~ Anthony Robbins
Have you ever come to the realization that you want different results, but you’re just not sure how or where to begin or how to make a change? Almost any time we choose to make a change in our lives – whether it has to do with our health, our careers, or our personal relationships – there is a factor that seems to rear its ugly little head, making us doubt that change is truly possible: Fear.
So many times, when I am coaching women around creating or recreating their romantic relationships, some concerns that come up include:
· Can I really change after all this time?
· What if I make all of these personal changes and it doesn’t make a difference?
· What if I change, but he doesn’t?
All of these concerns are understandable. When we’ve consistently been doing something – a certain behavior or habit; a way of acting or reacting; a pattern of thinking – as uncomfortable or undesirable as the results we are getting may be, we still resist changing out of fear. What we may not realize is that this fear has nothing to do with what is possible now or in the future. This fear of what may happen or not happen is coming from our past. And, unless we distinguish it for what it truly is – fear, NOT reality – we will use this as the excuse to remain in the same pattern of destructive – or, at the very least, unfulfilling – beliefs and actions, rather than muster up the courage to begin to transform those areas by taking new, more empowering steps toward the future we really desire.
So, how do we being to change those patterns? By taking actions! Here are a few things we help the women we work with do:
Breaking free of the past is much easier when you have your sights clearly set on the future you are committed to creating and living in to. When that clarity is there, and when you believe in your heart that you are deserving and capable enough to create that future, there is very little that can stand in your way!
by Gladys Diaz
This past weekend, Michelle and I celebrated our 42nd Birthday (for those of you who didn’t know, we are twins!). When it comes to birthdays, I love to make a big deal. When my husband or one of my boys has a birthday, I make that whole week Birthday Week,” and that person gets to feel special all week through small surprises, getting away with a little more than usual, and being served Birthday Pancakes on the big day (one for each year). It’s my way of making the guys I love feel special. And I get that it’s my way – the way I like to express my love through small gifts and acts of kindness.
My husband is not really into details like that. He always shows me that he loves me, but expresses his love through physical touch and spending time together. In the past, I have to admit that I would build up this “birthday surprise” in my head and then go about planning things to make it happen, because I didn’t want to be disappointed if he hadn’t planned something special for me. On a few occasions, I was upset that he was asking me on the day of my birthday what it was I wanted to do. And, back in my pouty, bratty, controlling days, we ended up not doing much of anything, because I was more concerned with being right than being happy… even on my birthday!
Well, this Birthday Week I was too sick to really plan anything… And the most amazing thing happened! First, my husband planned a night of dinner and dancing with my sister and her husband. That plan fell through, due to my illness, but it was soooo awesome that he came up with what would have been my perfect idea for a birthday celebration with my best friends! When he saw how sad I was about not being able to go out with them, he said, “We can still do something fun, just the two of us.” He asked me what I wanted to do, and we ended up going to a dine-in theater where we had a spectacular dinner while watching a movie in reclining sofa-style seats, with an ottoman on which to prop up our feet! I loved it!
Before I left to go pick up my mom so that she could watch the boys, I noticed my little one was dressed, and not in his pajamas. When I asked him, he said, “Well, I thought we were going with Dada to the ssss—.” Busted! Poor thing, he was trying to keep the secret that my husband had planned to take them out to the store to get me a present while I picked up my mom! Another surprise! The boys ended up picking out some beautiful bangle bracelets in my favorite color (purple), and my husband picked out the sweetest birthday card, in which he wrote me a message, thanking me for being the best mom, wife, and best friend. They also bought me some yummy cookies-and-cream chocolate mousse cupcakes (can’t wait to have my left-over one tonight!).
On my actual birthday, I went thrift store shopping (one of my favorite things to do), and I scored a beautiful new BCBG dress that will be my favorite for a long time, as well as some other great finds (mostly purple!). Not once did my husband call to tell me we were going to be late for the movies (his pet peeve) if I didn’t hurry up. He just sent me one text about ½ an hour before we had to leave to ask me my status. So, I got to shop in peace (another surprise!). We took the boys to see a really funny movie, then went to order some crabs to be steamed (my birthday, my choice!) and he bought me some cute purple-and-black sneakers that we just happened to walk by at the store (yet another surprise). We had our yummy crab dinner and then snuggled on the couch until late, watching some of our favorite shows.
As I lay down last night, I thanked God for all of the sweet surprises I had received on this Birthday Weekend. And it wasn’t really about the gifts. It was the fact that my hubby had gone out of his way to make sure that I felt special on my Birthday. He did all of the little things that make me smile, jump up and down with delight, and make me feel loved. I didn’t ask him to. I didn’t expect it. Instead, I gave myself the gift of allowing myself to be pleasantly surprised. And it was so much sweeter that way!
I must have thanked my husband at least a hundred times this weekend… But, you know what… When I finish typing this blog post, I’m going to send him a thank-you text, just because I’m still smiling!
Do you and your husband or boyfriend have different ways of expressing your love? Do you resent or try to get him to change his ways to match, or do you allow yourself to be pleasantly surprised?