by Gladys Diaz
Is his breathing starting to drive you crazy?
Do you feel like you’re not getting any alone time?
Are you arguing about every little thing?
We ask these questions a little lightheartedly because we know feeling these things right now doesn’t mean you don’t love your partner. It’s simply that the stress in your relationship may be rising as you’re being forced to spend more time together than usual in what is probably starting to feel like a very confined space.
Also, with extra time and less distractions, the things you’ve been too busy or too distracted to address in your relationship are coming up.
The pressure may be starting to rise, and you may be feeling like you’re about to burst! (Remember those old pressure-cookers? The way they would whistle louder and louder meaning it was getting closer to the exploding point? Are you beginning to feel like that?!?)
You know, just the other day Arnie and I were having a conversation and I was starting to feel frustrated. It just didn’t feel like he was understanding my point of view and I was beginning to feel the pressure rising!
The conversation was starting to get a little heated, but then I remembered… “What if he just sees it differently?”
Remembering that people process information differently (especially men and women!) has the power to change everything. In those heated moments, it can be difficult to remember that , but it is so important!
So, what can you do to bring the stress level down a notch?
The different circumstances that we are all currently experiencing are magnifying the need to have good communication skills in place in your relationship, because, when you don’t have the skills you’ll either 1) withdraw from your partner, or 2) explode and word-vomit all over him!
Neither of these things will lead to the loving, connected, supportive relationship you want to have with your partner.
When it comes to communication there are three very important things to remember.
- What you say.
- How you say it.
- The energy behind what you’re saying.
Let’s focus on that third one.
A large part of communicating effectively is thinking about how the message is going to be received. Now, you can’t control how the other person is going to hear what you’re saying, but you can be responsible for the intention and energy behind your words.
Before you speak, ask yourself, “What do I want to create in the space between us?”
Setting the intention of creating love, connection, and understanding before a heated conversation begins changes what happens during the conversation and the outcome drastically.
The second thing you can do if you’ve found yourself having a stressful conversation with your partner is take a step back and talk about what isn’t working from a neutral state by using nouns and verbs.
What does that look like?
Saying “When you did ____________ it made me ___________” doesn’t work, because it immediately sets your partner up to defend himself..
Instead, when you say, “What doesn’t work is yelling” or “What doesn’t work is blaming,” it changes the conversation. Instead of getting defensive, you are both able to identify what isn’t working and shift it.
And lastly, if things are getting heated and you’re not seeing a loving and productive way out of an impending blow-up, then call a time-out.
Take a 5-10 minute break to think about what the other person is saying and feeling. Stay awake in your relationship and allow time to process your own thoughts and feelings before continuing the conversation, if needed.
It’s also important to allow for disagreements.
Like I shared in the example above, sometimes we are just going to see things differently. You are two completely different human beings with your own thoughts, opinions, and beliefs. Remember that many of those differences are the things that attracted you to one another, so allow for the disagreements, making respect a top priority in your communication, even when you don’t see eye-to-eye on something.
All of these communication skills work really well in romantic relationships, and you can also practice them with everyone in your life.
It is not enough just to know what to do. As Tony Robbins says: Knowledge is only potential power., you get to do it.
Knowledge only has the power to transform and make a difference when it is used effectively. So, use these skills with your partner, with your kids, with your co-workers.
We are all under pressure right now, and that doesn’t mean our relationships have to break down.
If you have a specific issue you’d like to discuss with your partner, and you’re not sure how to do it in a way that leads to more love and partnership, we’re opening up extra spots on our calendar to help you prepare for and have the conversation in a way that will lead to more love, connection, and partnership with the man you love.
Simply click below and schedule a Love Breakthrough Session, and we’ll walk you through exactly what to say and do so that you can communicate and connect with your partner now.
We are going to get through this, and we’re going to get through it together.
Lots of love,
Gladys & Michelle
The Love Twins