by heartsdesireintl | Dec 26, 2012 | Dating, HDI Blog, Intimacy, Love, Marriage, Parenting, Relationship Advice, Romance
For those of us who are wives, mothers, and professionals, it can seem as if we have to choose between having a wonderful relationship and family or following our dreams and building our careers and our businesses. I call this living in “an either-or world.” And I don’t believe it’s necessary.
When we think that we have to sacrifice one aspect of our lives in order to experience happiness in another, that is evidence of having a “scarcity” conversation. Some people use this term to refer to the area of finances – to describe the experience of people living under the false perception that there isn’t already enough of what they have or want. The truth, however, is that this applies to other areas of our lives. When we live under the perception that we must sacrifice or give up what we want in order to have something else we want, we sell out on our happiness and cheat ourselves out of the experience of having it ALL!
I have been a professional since before I was married and had children. Succeeding in everything I do has always been important to me, and it was no different when it came to my career. Once I was in a relationship, succeeding in my career was still important. And so was having a wonderful relationship and, later, marriage. When I had kids things got a little “blurry” for me.
There was a lot of guilt associated with working late hours and traveling for work. I missed some of my children’s milestones because I was on a business trip. And I’d be lying if I said that I didn’t experience some guilt around that. A lot of the guilt was self-imposed, but some also came from other moms – especially those who had chosen to stay home with their kids. I always felt like they were judging me for not having been there for my kids if they were hitting a milestone, sick, or just wanting Mommy to be there.
It wasn’t until I began doing my own personal development work that I was able to shake myself free from (1) caring about what other people thought and (2) making myself feel badly for having something else I that was important to me in my life – not “more important” to me, but important, nonetheless.
The truth is that people weren’t thinking about me quite as much as I thought they were! A lot of that judgment I felt they had about me was pretty much coming from within. I thought that I wasn’t being a “good mom” when I was doing something for work and like I wasn’t being a “good professional” when I was spending time with my kids, rather than working an extra hour or two. Thankfully, I was able to see that I get to choose what I focus on, what I make a priority today, and that my priorities can change the following day, if I need or want them to! That was very empowering for me!
I’ve also had to teach my kids that, if I am working, it’s not because I don’t want to be with them. It’s that I have a responsibility I need to fulfill on or a job that needs to be completed, and that it’s important to honor your words, keep your agreements, and do your very best in all you do. All of these are great lessons for my kids. And, rather than just telling or lecturing them, I am teaching them by example.
And then there are times when I will work late into the night or cut short a work day so that I can go on a field trip the next day, volunteer at school, or go on a camping trip. I’m still doing what I can to fulfill on my responsibilities, but it may be that this week, when these activities come up, my priorities shift a little. Both my work and my family is important – neither one more important than the other. It’s just how I choose to prioritize my time and attention that day or that week. And it can change from day to day and week to week.
My friend and mentor, Luly Balepolgi of LulyB.com, an amazing business woman who empowers mom entrepreneurs to have it all, often says that “Balance is bull—-!” It’s not about trying to balance everything. It’s about prioritizing and building your life around your priorities!
This is why Heart’s Desire International is honored to partner with Luly B. tonight, December 26th at 9:00 p.m. for a fun, powerful, and live Twitter Chat about how tom make our families are “the reason” why we do what we do, rather than “the excuse” for not following our dreams! Join us and other professional moms for a time of learning and growing together while having a great time! To get all the details and join in on the chat, click here!
Remember, we live in a world of abundance, and you can and deserve to have it ALL! Join Luly B. and me tonight and let’s make 2013 about making our families the reason for doing whatever we can to make our dreams come true!
Image courtesy of Stuart Miles via FreeDigitalPhotos.net
by heartsdesireintl | Nov 30, 2012 | Dating, Intimacy, Love, Marriage, Relationship, Relationship Advice, Romance
by Gladys Diaz
Working with women from around the world of all ages and in all stages of relationships – single, dating, and married – it’s always interesting to see some of the things we all share in common. One of the things that we’ve found is how quickly we women tend to “sell-out” on ourselves and on what we really want.
We tend to think that it’s “humble” or “generous” to put other people’s needs above our own. We tend to put aside what we want, thinking that it will somehow make us appear more loving. We’ll even deny that we want something – like being in a loving, happy, fulfilling, and passionate relationships — and then wonder why we’re not in one!
One of the first things we do when we work with single women is to get them focused on what they want in a relationship. And, please, note that I said what they want, not who they want. It’s not about the guy. It really isn’t! It’s about YOU and what you want to experience in a relationship. It’s about getting really real with yourself and stop pretending that you don’t want to be in the type of relationship where you feel loved and protected and simply adored!
Because here’s the truth, ladies:
If you don’t know what you want, you’ll settle for what you think you can get!
There’s nothing “wrong” with wanting to be in a great relationship – one that is filled with love, intimacy, honesty, open communication, and passion! Thinking that wanting to love and be loved by someone somehow makes you “weaker” or less powerful is not only total BS, but it’s more damaging than you think! Anytime we deny ourselves something that our heart truly desires, we are being completely inauthentic with ourselves and others, impacting our sense of vitality (the feeling of being alive), and causing resentment to grow. On the surface, it may seem like we resent men, saying that they “don’t know what they want,” or “can’t commit,” but the truth is that the resentment filling our hearts – making them hard and cold – is really resentment toward ourselves. We may be able to pretend and lie to others, but we know our own heart’s desires.
We know that, if we could put our fears aside – just for a bit – and get real with ourselves about what we want and what would make us truly happy, a loving, fulfilling relationship would be right at the top of that list! And, make no mistake about it, it’s fear that makes us want to pretend that we’re “fine” without being in a relationship.
So, what is it that we’re so afraid of?
- We’re afraid that admitting wanting to be in a relationship makes us “weak” and threatens our independence. Wanting to be in a great relationship doesn’t mean you’re unable to take care of yourself. It just means you don’t have to – not all the time, anyway! You will still be able to take care of your needs, provide for yourself, and be a capable, strong, and powerful woman. The difference is that, there’s someone there who is willing to contribute to your life and who, during the times when you’re not feeling completely “invincible,” is there to provide you with a shoulder to lean on, encouragement, and place to call home.
- We’re afraid that we’ll “lose” our identity. Many women are so used to turning themselves inside out and all the way around to try to fit into the image of what they think the guy they are with wants in a woman that they feel like they “lose” themselves every time they are in a relationship. Some are afraid that they’ll have to somehow sacrifice their professional success and all the things they’ve worked so hard to achieve to be in a relationship. The man who will step in and fulfill your dreams is going to fall in-love with YOU – ALL of you! You don’t need to pretend or “perform” or try to do anything to impress him. He’s going to be attracted to the irresistible woman you are.
- We’re afraid we won’t get what we want. One of the main reasons we deny what we want is because, on some level, we think we won’t get it. We’re so afraid of being disappointed or heartbroken that we’ll actually choose to go at it alone, to hide the fact that we long to be loved and accepted for who we are, and we’ll put on an air of invincibility to hide from and protect our vulnerability. Many of us also believe that in order to have this wonderful relationship, we’ll have to “sacrifice” the happiness we have in another. This is why so many women will deny tht they want a relationship and throw themselves, into succeeding in their careers. This at least makes them feel financially secure and gives them the sense that they can at least have some control over their “happiness. This fear that we’ll have to choose between professional success and having a fulfilling romantic life perpetuates our belief that we’re not able to have everything what desire for our lives. So we create a self-fulfilling prophecy and gather evidence to support our belief that we’ll never get what we want, anyway, so why bother?
Moving past these fears can be difficult, because they are hidden. They are so hidden, in fact, that we’re not even aware that they exist! Rather than being able to see that our fear of being hurt, taken advantage of, or unloved is simply a thought we have, we believe that our fears are real and we will say that we’re perfectly happy being alone, even though we know in our hearts that we really do want to share our lives with someone who loves us as much as we love them! So we live our lives allowing the fears to take over, and instead of creating and living in the life of our dreams, we sell out and settle for what we think we can get.
AND it doesn’t have to be this way!
Helping women to see and remove the fears that are stopping them is only part of the amazing work we’ll be doing in our new course “Being ‘The Invincible Woman’ at Work and ‘The Irresistible Woman’ in Your Love Life!” In this course, women will begin to uncover the fears that have been stopping them from attracting the love their hearts desire. Once uncovered, we will begin to dismantle the fear, clear it out of the way, and create a new opening through which love can enter! We’ll also be discussing how to transition from being “invincible” in the workplace (which really works at work, since it helps us soar to the top of our industry or profession and achieve professional success) to becoming the irresistible woman in your love life. You’ll learn about the “business skills” that propel us in the workplace but intimacy in a relationship. And we’ll show you how to step into becoming the woman you were created to be – a loving, empowered, woman who embraces her feminine energy and is absolutely irresistible to men so that you can attract the man who is perfect for you!
So, register now to secure your spot and take a step toward making 2013 the year that your every dream and heart’s desires become realities!
P.S. If you missed the free Teleclass we held on Wednesday on “Having it ALL!: Being ‘The Invincible Woman’ in the Workplace and ‘The Irresistible Woman’ in Your Love Life!” not to worry, you can listen to the recording by clicking here!
Comments? Questions? Let us know! We love hearing from you! 🙂
by heartsdesireintl | Nov 27, 2012 | Dating, HDI Blog, Intimacy, Love, Marriage, Relationship, Relationship Advice, Romance, Uncategorized
by Gladys Diaz
Many women don’t realize that they are living in an “either/or world.” For some reason, they believe that they can either have a great career or business, where they experience success, fulfillment, and satisfaction… or they can be in a loving, passionate relationship, where they experience the joy of loving and being loved beyond their wildest dreams… But not both.
In this short video, I have you ask yourself some questions and help you get real with yourself about whether or not you’ve been living life from an “either/or” frame of mind!
Sign up here: http://heartsdesireintl.wordpress.com/events-workshops/
Join us Wednesday, November 28th at 9:oo p.m. to uncover some of the hidden fears, limiting beliefs, and self-sabotaging behaviors that may be stopping you from having the love your heart desires! Just sign up here to receive call-in details!
Comments? Questions? Let us know! We love hearing from you!
by heartsdesireintl | Nov 26, 2012 | Dating, HDI Blog, Intimacy, Love, Marriage, Relationship, Relationship Advice, Romance
by Gladys Diaz
One of the hidden fears stopping women – particularly successful women – from having the love we want in our lives is thinking we live in an “either-or world.” Without even being aware of it, some of us fear that we can either have a fulfilling professional life or a fulfilling relationship – but not both. We hold the belief that one of these areas needs to be “sacrificed” in order to experience joy and fulfillment in the other. And this fear goes with us on dates, in our relationships, and even in our marriages without us even knowing it.
It’s this limiting belief – this “either-or mentality”- that has many of us declare that we “don’t need to be in a relationship to be happy,” and throw ourselves into succeeding in our careers, instead, since that’s something we can control. We experience achievement and satisfaction in the workplace, and use that to substitute or replace the desire to be in a fulfilling intimate relationship. Whether we are single, dating or married, we begin to rely on the skills that have helped us rise in our professions and try to bring them into our relationships.
The problem is that the skills that propel us in business can actually repel intimacy. And, the more we rely on the skills that help us meet the bottom line, get others to do what we expect them to do, and rise to higher levels when we’re in our relationships, becoming seemingly “invincible” in the workplace, the less vulnerable we are willing to be, the more distance we create between ourselves and the men we are with, and more confused we feel when we ask ourselves, “Why am I able to succeed in every area of my life, except this one?”
While it’s true that we don’t need to be in a relationship to be happy – because happiness is something that can only come from within ourselves – the fact of the matter is that if being in a loving relationship is something that we want, then denying this desire will practically guarantee that we won’t ever have it.
So, if these fears and beliefs are something we’re unaware of, what can we do to turn it around and have the love we deserve and desire? How can we begin to create new skills and ways of being in our relationship that actually have us attract the love that we want?
The first step is to uncover the hidden fears and limiting beliefs that are in our way. Once these hidden barriers are revealed, they can be dealt with, and they no longer have the power to stop us from attracting what we want.
The next step is to identify the skills and habits that make us “invincible” in the workplace, but stop us from having an intimate, passionate love life and remove them.
Once we’ve moved these barriers out of the way, we create the space to discover the skills, habits and ways of being that actually have us attract the love we want by allowing us become enticing, alluring, and completely irresistible!
If you’re tired of living in the falsehood of an either-or reality… Of feeling like you have to sacrifice happiness in one area of your life in order to experience it in another… If you’re ready to begin attracting and experiencing the love, intimacy, and happiness your heart desires, then register now for our course “Being ‘The Invincible Woman’ in the Workplace and ‘The Irresistible Woman’ in Your Love Life!”
In this 4-part seminar, you will learn the skills and habits that will empower you to experience fulfillment and satisfaction in both your professional and love life! See, there is no “either-or.” You were created to experience love, happiness, and success in every area of your life. You were created to have it ALL!
If you register now and take advantage of our Cyber Monday Special, you’ll save $50 off the price of the course!
What are you waiting for? Why put off your happiness for even one more minute?
Put yourself and your happiness at the top of your holiday wish list and register now!
and your happiness at the top of your holiday wish list and register now!
by heartsdesireintl | Nov 20, 2012 | Dating, HDI Blog, Intimacy, Love, Marriage, Relationship, Relationship Advice, Romance
by Gladys Diaz
Are You Willing to Risk it All to Have it ALL?
I had the most amazing breakthrough on the way to the Women’s Success Summit on Tuesday morning. I was rehearsing in my head what I was going to say to the ladies who attended the Mini-Mastermind I was conducting that is based on our upcoming Webinar Seminar for professional women and entrepreneurs: Having it ALL: Being “The Invincible Woman at Work and “The Irresistible Woman in Your Love Life!
I was thinking about some of the reasons why many beautiful, successful, passionate women either do not enjoy dating, have not attracted the man with whom they want to share their lives, or, if they are in relationships, feel like there is something “missing.”
Why is it that these amazing women feel more fulfilled in their careers than they do in their romantic relationships?
We go over a lot of reasons for this in the seminar, but one of the main reasons is the need to take a risk. Yes, we take risks in business: We risk our time and money. But the risk is different when it comes to relationships. In love, we have to be willing to take emotional risks. And, for some of us, risking a broken heart is scarier than making an investment of thousands of dollars in our businesses! It’s why many of us throw ourselves into our careers, say we don’t have time to date or be in a relationship, and feel that men are “intimidated” by our success.
This fear of taking an emotional risk is really about the fear of being vulnerable. And it’s why we spend a lot of time in the seminar focusing on distinguishing the fears and doubts that are stopping us from attracting the man who’s right for us and on identifying the skills that serve us really well in business, but can kill the intimacy in our relationships!
As I was thinking of the risks I’ve taken in my life, to give as examples, for some reason, getting laid off from my job last year popped into my head. I was confused! For over a year, I’ve been working on getting “complete” with having lost my job. I forgave, got to a place of gratitude, and am so happy to be doing what I feel I was born to do –empowering women to have the relationships of their dreams – full-time, instead of “on-the-side,” like I used to! And yet… there were still times when I’d feel sad or upset about it. So I kept asking myself: What did getting laid off (something I didn’t want) have anything to do with taking a risk?
And that’s when I felt like my world shifted and I saw what I hadn’t been able to see before!
What I finally saw was that, when HR called to let me know they were eliminating my position, they didn’t call to let me go! They actually offered me another position so that I would stay… making the same incredible salary… and they offered it to me three times over the course of a month!
And each time, I said, “No!”
Why? Because the position would require 80% travel… 80% of the time away from my husband and family… 80% of the time away from working with women, writing, speaking, and doing the things that I am passionate and excited about doing. 80% of the time hating what I was doing because I did not want to travel and be away from the people and the things that I love!
I said, “No!”
I took a HUGE risk! I risked a very comfortable salary and lifestyle because something was more important to me: My marriage, my family, and my freedom. I chose to risk the comfort of a job and the sense of security for the uncertainty of owning my own business. And, emotionally, I took a huge risk when I chose to trust that my husband was capable enough to handle stepping into the role of primary bread-winner, and to allow myself to be taken care of – something I’d been doing for myself since I was 17!
I chose to risk it all so that I could have it ALL!
When I got that – When I got that I chose to say “No!” – All of the discomfort, upset, and “victimization” I’d been carrying around over having been “let go” completely disappeared! I started laughing and crying at the same time (not the safest thing to do while driving, but I was overcome with joy!) In fact, I was so moved, I had to call my mentor, Luly B. (who empowers mom entrepreneurs to get over our guilt and our fears and step into our lives) and tell her that I finally got that I had taken a risk and chosen ME so that I could have it all in life, family and business!
The same is true when it comes to relationships. When we are willing to step outside of our comfort zones… When we put aside our limiting beliefs about ourselves, men, and relationships… And when we feel the fear and uncertainty of taking an emotional risk, and we do it anyway… We get to choose our lives and what our hearts truly desire! We get to experience the love, peace, joy, and wonder of loving and knowing that we are loved every day for the rest of our lives!
And that, ladies, is worth all the risk!
So my question is… Are you ready to take a risk in order to have it ALL in life and love? Leave your comments and questions below! We love hearing from you!
To learn more about the Webinar Seminar, just visit our Events page.
Photo credit: dixonphotography2011 via photopin.com cc
