by heartsdesireintl | Jan 11, 2013 | Dating, Gratitude, HDI Blog, Intimacy, Love, Marriage, Relationship Advice, Romance
by Gladys Diaz
One of the scariest parts of dating and being in a relationship is the uncertainty of it all. Opening your heart to someone and letting them in to see who you truly are can be terrifying. Not knowing whether the person you are falling in love or already in love with will reciprocate the feelings you have for him or her is unsettling. This fear and discomfort keeps us from allowing ourselves to be truly vulnerable and authentic with someone else. Because, what if I give all of me – my heart, body, and spirit to this other person, and I only end up getting hurt?
It’s what keeps people from getting out and dating.
It’ what stops people from moving to the next step in a relationship.
It’s what has people stay in a relationship with someone that is not right for them.
It’s what has people look for everything that’s “wrong” or not going to work with the other person, and has them run in the other direction.
And, in a relationship, it’s what keeps someone from acknowledging that the relationship is not working and reaching out for help.
Fear is paralyzing in any area of our lives, but particularly when it comes to love. Why? Because love is an act of faith!
The fact is that there are no guarantees when it comes to love. There is no way to tell whether the person you’re on a first date with is going to be the one with whom you’ll walk down the aisle. There is no way of knowing whether the person you walk down the aisle with is the one with whom you will grow old. And there’s no way of knowing what the years in between will be like ahead of time.
So how does one muster up the courage to put her heart on the line? If love is so uncertain, is it worth it – worth taking the risk of getting hurt?
My answer? Absolutely!
The truth is that if everything was laid out for us and we knew exactly how it would turn out, we’d probably be bored out of our minds. While predictability can give us a sense of security, it also means we don’t have the opportunity to be in a space of wonder or pleasantly surprised and delighted by the one we love. And, if everything were already laid out and predestined, then we’d feel like we had no choice, no ability to choose and create what it is we want to for ourselves and our lives, and no power to turn things around when they aren’t going the way we’d like.
It’s the unpredictable nature of love and being in a romantic relationship that gives us something to hope for, look forward to, and dream about. It’s the fact that we have the power within us to attract, create, and experience the love our hearts desire that makes us feel like we have a say in how things will go when we focus on ourselves and what’s within our realm of control. And it’s all of the moments – the good and the not-so-good, combined – that allows us learn more about ourselves and the person we’re choosing to love so that together we can create our own unique love story – our very own masterpiece!
So, yes, I’d like to tell you that it’s all going to be easy, that everything is going to turn out exactly the way you want it to, and that you won’t ever have to experience another heartbreak or disappointment. I’d like to, but I can’t.
What I can tell you is that every moment of your love journey is a creation, a choice, and a manifestation of what you want and are willing to bring to the relationship. And, that, while scary at times, when you step out in faith and are finally writing your love story and creating your masterpiece with the person you love and are loved by, it’s worth every bump, every heartache, and every tear. The reward is so much bigger than the risk!
Question? Comments? Let us know! We love hearing from you!
Photo credit: Arianda Bruna via photopin.com cc
by heartsdesireintl | Dec 26, 2012 | Dating, HDI Blog, Intimacy, Love, Marriage, Parenting, Relationship Advice, Romance
For those of us who are wives, mothers, and professionals, it can seem as if we have to choose between having a wonderful relationship and family or following our dreams and building our careers and our businesses. I call this living in “an either-or world.” And I don’t believe it’s necessary.
When we think that we have to sacrifice one aspect of our lives in order to experience happiness in another, that is evidence of having a “scarcity” conversation. Some people use this term to refer to the area of finances – to describe the experience of people living under the false perception that there isn’t already enough of what they have or want. The truth, however, is that this applies to other areas of our lives. When we live under the perception that we must sacrifice or give up what we want in order to have something else we want, we sell out on our happiness and cheat ourselves out of the experience of having it ALL!
I have been a professional since before I was married and had children. Succeeding in everything I do has always been important to me, and it was no different when it came to my career. Once I was in a relationship, succeeding in my career was still important. And so was having a wonderful relationship and, later, marriage. When I had kids things got a little “blurry” for me.
There was a lot of guilt associated with working late hours and traveling for work. I missed some of my children’s milestones because I was on a business trip. And I’d be lying if I said that I didn’t experience some guilt around that. A lot of the guilt was self-imposed, but some also came from other moms – especially those who had chosen to stay home with their kids. I always felt like they were judging me for not having been there for my kids if they were hitting a milestone, sick, or just wanting Mommy to be there.
It wasn’t until I began doing my own personal development work that I was able to shake myself free from (1) caring about what other people thought and (2) making myself feel badly for having something else I that was important to me in my life – not “more important” to me, but important, nonetheless.
The truth is that people weren’t thinking about me quite as much as I thought they were! A lot of that judgment I felt they had about me was pretty much coming from within. I thought that I wasn’t being a “good mom” when I was doing something for work and like I wasn’t being a “good professional” when I was spending time with my kids, rather than working an extra hour or two. Thankfully, I was able to see that I get to choose what I focus on, what I make a priority today, and that my priorities can change the following day, if I need or want them to! That was very empowering for me!
I’ve also had to teach my kids that, if I am working, it’s not because I don’t want to be with them. It’s that I have a responsibility I need to fulfill on or a job that needs to be completed, and that it’s important to honor your words, keep your agreements, and do your very best in all you do. All of these are great lessons for my kids. And, rather than just telling or lecturing them, I am teaching them by example.
And then there are times when I will work late into the night or cut short a work day so that I can go on a field trip the next day, volunteer at school, or go on a camping trip. I’m still doing what I can to fulfill on my responsibilities, but it may be that this week, when these activities come up, my priorities shift a little. Both my work and my family is important – neither one more important than the other. It’s just how I choose to prioritize my time and attention that day or that week. And it can change from day to day and week to week.
My friend and mentor, Luly Balepolgi of LulyB.com, an amazing business woman who empowers mom entrepreneurs to have it all, often says that “Balance is bull—-!” It’s not about trying to balance everything. It’s about prioritizing and building your life around your priorities!
This is why Heart’s Desire International is honored to partner with Luly B. tonight, December 26th at 9:00 p.m. for a fun, powerful, and live Twitter Chat about how tom make our families are “the reason” why we do what we do, rather than “the excuse” for not following our dreams! Join us and other professional moms for a time of learning and growing together while having a great time! To get all the details and join in on the chat, click here!
Remember, we live in a world of abundance, and you can and deserve to have it ALL! Join Luly B. and me tonight and let’s make 2013 about making our families the reason for doing whatever we can to make our dreams come true!
Image courtesy of Stuart Miles via FreeDigitalPhotos.net
by heartsdesireintl | Dec 11, 2012 | Dating, Gratitude, HDI Blog, Intimacy, Love, Marriage, Relationship, Relationship Advice, Romance
by Gladys Diaz
The other night, we held our monthly Intimacy Skills Training Webinar. The topic of the webinar was “How to Get More Help, Gifts, and Compliments: The Magic of Gratitude. Being on the call was – in a word – magical! In just a few minutes of doing two exercises, all of us on the call were able to experience a “shift” in the energy around us – and this was a virtual meeting with women from all over the world.
In the first exercise, we walked through a few “less-than-desirable” scenarios and looked to see what it was that we could be thankful for. It was amazing how we were able to find things to be grateful for, even when a guy arrives late for a date without calling to say he’s going to be late; when our man chooses to invite a friend who just broke up with his fiancé to what was supposed to be a romantic dinner; and when our guy changes a light bulb 3 weeks after he said he would, and after we tripped on the stairs (true story!). It was wonderful to see all of the things that the women were typing into the chat box as reasons for which to be grateful in situations where we could just as easily choose to be upset, make sure he felt guilty about doing something “wrong,” and potentially end up in a bitter argument.
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by heartsdesireintl | Nov 26, 2012 | Dating, HDI Blog, Intimacy, Love, Marriage, Relationship, Relationship Advice, Romance
by Gladys Diaz
One of the hidden fears stopping women – particularly successful women – from having the love we want in our lives is thinking we live in an “either-or world.” Without even being aware of it, some of us fear that we can either have a fulfilling professional life or a fulfilling relationship – but not both. We hold the belief that one of these areas needs to be “sacrificed” in order to experience joy and fulfillment in the other. And this fear goes with us on dates, in our relationships, and even in our marriages without us even knowing it.
It’s this limiting belief – this “either-or mentality”- that has many of us declare that we “don’t need to be in a relationship to be happy,” and throw ourselves into succeeding in our careers, instead, since that’s something we can control. We experience achievement and satisfaction in the workplace, and use that to substitute or replace the desire to be in a fulfilling intimate relationship. Whether we are single, dating or married, we begin to rely on the skills that have helped us rise in our professions and try to bring them into our relationships.
The problem is that the skills that propel us in business can actually repel intimacy. And, the more we rely on the skills that help us meet the bottom line, get others to do what we expect them to do, and rise to higher levels when we’re in our relationships, becoming seemingly “invincible” in the workplace, the less vulnerable we are willing to be, the more distance we create between ourselves and the men we are with, and more confused we feel when we ask ourselves, “Why am I able to succeed in every area of my life, except this one?”
While it’s true that we don’t need to be in a relationship to be happy – because happiness is something that can only come from within ourselves – the fact of the matter is that if being in a loving relationship is something that we want, then denying this desire will practically guarantee that we won’t ever have it.
So, if these fears and beliefs are something we’re unaware of, what can we do to turn it around and have the love we deserve and desire? How can we begin to create new skills and ways of being in our relationship that actually have us attract the love that we want?
The first step is to uncover the hidden fears and limiting beliefs that are in our way. Once these hidden barriers are revealed, they can be dealt with, and they no longer have the power to stop us from attracting what we want.
The next step is to identify the skills and habits that make us “invincible” in the workplace, but stop us from having an intimate, passionate love life and remove them.
Once we’ve moved these barriers out of the way, we create the space to discover the skills, habits and ways of being that actually have us attract the love we want by allowing us become enticing, alluring, and completely irresistible!
If you’re tired of living in the falsehood of an either-or reality… Of feeling like you have to sacrifice happiness in one area of your life in order to experience it in another… If you’re ready to begin attracting and experiencing the love, intimacy, and happiness your heart desires, then register now for our course “Being ‘The Invincible Woman’ in the Workplace and ‘The Irresistible Woman’ in Your Love Life!”
In this 4-part seminar, you will learn the skills and habits that will empower you to experience fulfillment and satisfaction in both your professional and love life! See, there is no “either-or.” You were created to experience love, happiness, and success in every area of your life. You were created to have it ALL!
If you register now and take advantage of our Cyber Monday Special, you’ll save $50 off the price of the course!
What are you waiting for? Why put off your happiness for even one more minute?
Put yourself and your happiness at the top of your holiday wish list and register now!
and your happiness at the top of your holiday wish list and register now!
by heartsdesireintl | Nov 3, 2012 | Dating, Gratitude, HDI Blog, Intimacy, Love, Marriage, Relationship, Romance
Happiness is something that comes from within. If we spend our time looking for it outside of ourselves – in things, places, accomplishments, or in another person – we will always be searching. We’ll never reach that place of contentment and fulfillment.
So, how do we create happiness, and how does being in a relationship affect that sense of joy? I strongly believe that happiness – true happiness – begins with gratitude. It begins by seeing all that you already have, the blessings that fill your life, and allowing yourself to really experience the feeling of gratitude. Does that mean that you just have to “settle” for what you currently have? Does living in gratitude mean that you don’t continue to dream, to reach, and to grow? No! It just means that you acknowledge what already is, express gratitude for it, and, in doing so, attract and allow more of what is good to come to you, playing your part by taking actions consistent with what it is you want.
And, now, what about relationships? Most people want a happy, loving, intimate relationship. So, of course, that means that you would have someone there with you, experiencing and creating the happiness with you, right? Perhaps the best way to explain it is thinking of your partner’s role in your happiness as “the bonus.” He adds, contributes to, and enhances the happiness that is already yours. When we are happy, we attract more happiness. So it stands to reason that, when you already are experiencing joy in your life, you naturally attract someone who (1) recognizes the joy in you, (2) is attracted to that spirit of joy, (3) and sees himself as capable of adding to that joy! See, the joy you radiate is what has him notice you in the first place!
So, take some time today to experience joy. Even if there is some sadness in your heart… Even if, right now, you know your life is not exactly where you’d like it to be. Just take a few moments, and notice the blessings and miracles that already surround you. Then just sit with them for a bit and allow yourself to experience gratitude and just feel the happiness filling your heart. As you go about your day, hold onto that feeling and radiate it in your speaking and way of being and allow joy to seize you!
Share your moments of happiness with us! We love to hear from you!
Photo credit: Franchesca Rullan of FCPR Studios
