by Gladys Diaz

“In a true partnership, the kind worth striving for, the kind worth insisting on… both people try to give as much or even a little more than they get. ‘Deserves’ is not the point. And ‘owes’ is certainly not the point. The point is to make the other person as happy as we can, because their happiness adds to ours. The point is – in the right hands, everything that you give, you get.”

 ~ Amy Bloom

This week has been an “interesting one” in our home, to say the least.  It began last Thursday evening, when, close to midnight, I discovered that my little one had gotten sick all over his bed (and the wall, and the carpet). Before I knew it, my husband had him in the tub, bathing him, while I rinsed off the bed sheets and clothes and got them in the laundry.  Then, while I scrubbed the walls, he scrubbed the carpet.  And, all of this, without me having to ask him for help… He just jumped in to help.

We’d had a lunch date planned for the following day, but that was scratched, due to the little one staying home from school, so we just ordered in and had lunch together at home.  It was okay, because we’d planned a whole “Date Day” for Monday, while the kids were at school, since he had the day off… Well, that plan was also scratched, when, not only did our older son get sick at school, so we had to go get him, but we both ended up getting sick as well! Ugh!

So, Monday was a “dance” between whoever felt less sick at any given moment, making lunch, picking up the little one from school, or giving the older one his medicine.  I made something quick for dinner and he did the dishes.  I helped the kids get bathed, and he got lunch ready for the next day. I kept noticing how we just knew when the other one needed help and just stepped in.

Then, on Thursday, out of nowhere, whatever this bug is hit me hard. I could not move! I was nauseous and weak, and burning up in fever.  I sent him a text asking him if he thought he could come home early.  He called me right back and, as soon as he heard my voice, he was in the car and on his way home.  He put me to bed, checked on me several times, and took care of everything: dinner, baths, preparing lunches, and bedtime routines.  And this morning, he took them to school while I slept.

This partnership, this beautiful dance of giving and receiving, wasn’t always present in our marriage. For many years, I was “the martyr” in our relationship – doing everything myself and then complaining that he never offered to help. I just felt I shouldn’t have to ask for help.  And I resented him for not “jumping in.” It wasn’t until I began being vulnerable, asking for help, and stopped trying to be “Super Human,” that he began stepping in, helping out, and making me feel like I wasn’t in this alone… because I’m not!

I’m so thankful for my husband… for his love, his strength, and his willingness to take care of me.  And I’m so thankful I was finally willing to let down my guard, and create a space in our marriage that allowed him to step in and be my partner!

What about you?  Are you struggling with doing everything on your own?  If not, what do you do to create partnership in your relationship?

Photo credit: Eternal ☼ Sunshine via photpin.com cc