by Gladys Diaz
How do you keep the love growing?
How do you keep the relationship from going stale?
How do you keep your marriage from getting complacent, too comfortable, or boring?
There is something we hear a lot from women. A very common concern is “Things are great now, but what happens when _________ (you fill in the blank).”
How do you not just create a relationship, but a long-lasting relationship that gets better and better with time?
We find that women who have this concern are waiting for the other shoe to drop — even when things are going well. They have a fear – whether it’s that they’re afraid he’s not trustworthy, that they’ll eventually fall into old habits and ruin things, or they’re sure there’s something wrong with him that they just haven’t seen yet – and it’s causing them to sabotage their relationships over and over again.
The problem when you are in this cycle of waiting for something to go wrong is that your focus is on what isn’t going to work, versus what’s right and going well in the present .
See if this sounds familiar…
One of our past clients found herself in this pattern. After years and years of dating, she finally found herself in the relationship of her dreams. She had met a wonderful man, and they had an incredible time together. He would fly to see her and pay to fly her out to visit him. Things were going wonderfully, and he was starting to initiate conversations about where they wanted to take the relationship next. EEEEE – exciting!
One weekend, he flew out to see her and she found herself acting strange. She could feel herself pulling away and trying to withdraw, and when he would ask what was wrong, she would respond like most women do by saying, “Nothing!”
Well, he was persistent with asking her what was going on, and eventually she told him that she could feel herself pulling away because she was waiting for something to go wrong. – How could things actually be this good?
Instead of being overjoyed and in the moment about how wonderful things were for her then, she was worried about what might happen to ruin things in the future.
Have you ever experienced yourself doing something similar?
This pattern of behavior is so detrimental and destructive to relationships, because when men are having to constantly defend themselves against things they aren’t doing, or feel like they’re paying the price for men who came before them, they get exhausted by it, and the love and intimacy starts to chip away.
When you have a history of bad relationships or trauma from your childhood, you often spend time and energy in your current relationship looking for that same history to repeat itself as a way to prepare yourself for what may happen.
The thing is, if you go into a relationship, even with the perfect man, doing this, you will sabotage it.
So, how does this show up for you?
Does it show up like it did for this client, where you pull away when things are going well?
Do you always feel like you have to do something to either “fix” the situation or the person you’re dating?
Do you create drama in your relationship so that you can feel the dips of things going badly in order to feel the high that comes with things being good again?
Here’s how you can recognize when you’re in the pattern of drama or looking for things to go wrong in our relationship:
You’re telling someone about something that isn’t working in your life and they give you a solution, and you respond with a “Yeah, but…!”
Someone presents a solution to you, and you follow-up with yet another problem that needs to be solved..
No matter how well things are going, you don’t allow yourself to enjoy the good times because you are preparing yourself for the impending doom that is on its way.
Recognizing this pattern is one of the first steps in the Heartwork that we teach, so that you can start training yourself to experience happiness and joy. Getting to a place where you understand that “peace” does not equal “boring” is a great place to begin.
Here’s the truth: Life comes with enough challenges that you don’t want or need to u create more of them.
We often hear the phrase, “Hard times are part of being in a relationship,,” and that makes us cringe! Yes, hard times come sometimes. That’s part of life. But hard times are not a requirement in a relationship.
Our goal is for every one of our clients to experience joy, love, and excitement in a relationship and to know that those can come on an ordinary day simply because you’re together.
If you’re looking for more ways to break this pattern of drama and expecting bad things to happen in your relationship, please join us tomorrow for our Reignite the Spark Masterclass !
This 3-hour event is for every woman who is looking to make her relationship, partnership, or marriage the best that it’s ever been. We want to help you take things to the next level to experience even more love, excitement and joy in your life and relationship than ever before.
Marriage doesn’t have to be hard or get boring., Feeling peaceful and comfortable with your partner is a good thing. And just because you’ve been together a long time doesn’t mean the passion has to fade.
When I’m sitting on my couch and I look over at Ric and my boys, I think “This is it! This is what joy feels like! This is what I was waiting for!”
That’s what we want for you, too, NAME!!