by heartsdesireintl | Dec 5, 2012 | Dating, HDI Blog, Intimacy, Love, Marriage, Relationship, Relationship Advice, Romance
by Gladys Diaz
I’m almost embarrassed to admit this, but, yes, from time to time, I watch reality TV. Usually, it’s something inspirational, like Oprah’s Lifeclass, Iyanla, Fix My Life, or Extreme Makeover Weightloss Edition. I prefer to watch reality shows that inspire the audience who is watching to make similar changes in their own lives. And, there are shows I watch as a dating and relationship coach for “research” on what to say to my clients (and, more often, with some of the matchmaking and dating shows, what not to say to them).
There is one show that I watch that, while not it’s “inspirational,” nor does it “technically” have to do with dating and relationships, is providing more research than I expected when I began watching it: The Real Housewives of Miami. As someone who truly believes in the empowerment of women and in helping women become the best versions of themselves, I tend to stay away from drama-driven shows that depict women – or have women depict themselves – in an unfavorable light. But when I learned that someone I knew and have worked with before was going to be on the show, I was intrigued to watch!
So, what love lessons have I gleaned from watching The Real Housewives of Miami that I can share with you?
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You have to be crystal clear about what you want to experience in a relationship.
Several of the cast members, including Karent Sierra, have learned the hard way that, if you’re not 100% clear about what you want to experience in a relationship, you will “settle” for what you get. When your heart’s desire is to be married and have children, it doesn’t mean that you would never date someone who, at the beginning is not sure this is something that he wants. However, once you’ve been together a while and shared how important this is to you, if he’s still showing signs that this is not what he wants and where he is headed, don’t fool yourself by thinking that if you “love him enough,” “prove” that you’ll be a great wife and mother, or try to guilt or manipulate him into seeing how much it is hurting you to not have what you want, that you’ll somehow, eventually, change his mind. The truth is that you need to stand for what’s important to you. Giving ultimatums, making demands, and wishing and hoping that he will change his mind make it seem like it’s his choice to give you what you want to be happy, when the choice is actually yours. See, only you know how long you are willing to wait to have the life your heart desires, and, eventually, you may need to make the courageous decision, as Karent did, to move on, knowing that there is someone out there (who, by the way, is already looking for you) who will not only love and cherish you for the amazing woman you are, but who is also willing to step into your life and make the relationship of your dreams a reality for both of you!
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When it’s over, it’s time to move on – Really move on.
As strong and powerful a woman as Ana Quincoces is, it’s hasn’t been easy watching her pain as she comes to terms with her marriage coming to an end – a real end. She and her husband, Robert, have been separated and even dating other people for a while, but it wasn’t until the episode a few weeks ago, when Ana moved out of the law office they had been sharing for years, that we were able to see just how painful it was for her to really come to terms with the end of the marriage, the business partnership, and all of the hopes and dreams they shared when they first began their life together. It was nice to see her vulnerable side – not because I was glad she was experiencing pain – but because it was refreshing to see that the divorce was a big deal to her, and that she was finally beginning to let go and really begin to move forward with her new life. See, fear keeps us holding onto the past – whether it’s holding on to an unhealthy relationship, because, as uncomfortable as is, it’s what familiar and what we’ve grown accustomed to; holding on to the memories of what used to be, because we are afraid to stake a step into the unknown future; or holding on to a person, because we’re afraid that either he will find the love of his life with another, or we’re afraid that we won’t. Fear keeps us stuck and doesn’t allow us to experience the joy and love that are our birthright! Only when we are willing to let go – really let go – of the past, can we create space in our lives to experience something new… Something that is completely free of the constraints of the past and launches us into a new life – and a new love – that has just been waiting for us to be ready to step into it!
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Don’t allow your fears to cheat you out of experiencing the love you desire and deserve!
Moving on and learning to love again is scary, and Adriana De Moura would probably use the word “terrifying”! It wasn’t until the episode where she threw a 50th Anniversary party for her fiancé, Fredric’s, parents, that we could hear her longing to have a loving, passionate relationship that last for a lifetime. Adriana was so vulnerable when she shared how afraid she is of really committing to Fredric and marrying him. Her fear is understandable. One of the scariest aspects of being in a relationship is that there are no guarantees. Loving requires taking an emotional risk. When we choose to open our hearts again – particularly after having been hurt by infidelity, or because the person we fell in-love with simply is not the one willing to step in and helps us make our dreams come true – it takes an incredible amount of courage to allow ourselves to be vulnerable again. We tend to put on this “take-it-or-leave-it” air about how we feel about love and relationships, and we deny ourselves – and the man that we are with – the gift of giving 100% of ourselves to him and the relationship. We hold back, distance ourselves from our desires, and use the pain from the past to stop us from experiencing the love that is waiting for us here and now, in the present. We cheat ourselves from experiencing what love can be because of the fear that we will get hurt again. We need to be willing to take that step. Yes, we might experience heartache again… But you know what? We already know we can survive it, because we already have! So, all there is to do is take a courageous step, open our hearts, and open ourselves up to the possibility of experiencing a love that surpasses even our wildest dreams!
There are many more love lessons I’ve learned from watching this show, and I’ll share more on the next blog post.
For now, if you have comments or questions you’d like to share, please feel free to do so below! We love hearing from you!
Image courtesy of imagerymajestic via FreeDigitalPhotos.net
by heartsdesireintl | Nov 30, 2012 | Dating, Intimacy, Love, Marriage, Relationship, Relationship Advice, Romance
by Gladys Diaz
Working with women from around the world of all ages and in all stages of relationships – single, dating, and married – it’s always interesting to see some of the things we all share in common. One of the things that we’ve found is how quickly we women tend to “sell-out” on ourselves and on what we really want.
We tend to think that it’s “humble” or “generous” to put other people’s needs above our own. We tend to put aside what we want, thinking that it will somehow make us appear more loving. We’ll even deny that we want something – like being in a loving, happy, fulfilling, and passionate relationships — and then wonder why we’re not in one!
One of the first things we do when we work with single women is to get them focused on what they want in a relationship. And, please, note that I said what they want, not who they want. It’s not about the guy. It really isn’t! It’s about YOU and what you want to experience in a relationship. It’s about getting really real with yourself and stop pretending that you don’t want to be in the type of relationship where you feel loved and protected and simply adored!
Because here’s the truth, ladies:
If you don’t know what you want, you’ll settle for what you think you can get!
There’s nothing “wrong” with wanting to be in a great relationship – one that is filled with love, intimacy, honesty, open communication, and passion! Thinking that wanting to love and be loved by someone somehow makes you “weaker” or less powerful is not only total BS, but it’s more damaging than you think! Anytime we deny ourselves something that our heart truly desires, we are being completely inauthentic with ourselves and others, impacting our sense of vitality (the feeling of being alive), and causing resentment to grow. On the surface, it may seem like we resent men, saying that they “don’t know what they want,” or “can’t commit,” but the truth is that the resentment filling our hearts – making them hard and cold – is really resentment toward ourselves. We may be able to pretend and lie to others, but we know our own heart’s desires.
We know that, if we could put our fears aside – just for a bit – and get real with ourselves about what we want and what would make us truly happy, a loving, fulfilling relationship would be right at the top of that list! And, make no mistake about it, it’s fear that makes us want to pretend that we’re “fine” without being in a relationship.
So, what is it that we’re so afraid of?
- We’re afraid that admitting wanting to be in a relationship makes us “weak” and threatens our independence. Wanting to be in a great relationship doesn’t mean you’re unable to take care of yourself. It just means you don’t have to – not all the time, anyway! You will still be able to take care of your needs, provide for yourself, and be a capable, strong, and powerful woman. The difference is that, there’s someone there who is willing to contribute to your life and who, during the times when you’re not feeling completely “invincible,” is there to provide you with a shoulder to lean on, encouragement, and place to call home.
- We’re afraid that we’ll “lose” our identity. Many women are so used to turning themselves inside out and all the way around to try to fit into the image of what they think the guy they are with wants in a woman that they feel like they “lose” themselves every time they are in a relationship. Some are afraid that they’ll have to somehow sacrifice their professional success and all the things they’ve worked so hard to achieve to be in a relationship. The man who will step in and fulfill your dreams is going to fall in-love with YOU – ALL of you! You don’t need to pretend or “perform” or try to do anything to impress him. He’s going to be attracted to the irresistible woman you are.
- We’re afraid we won’t get what we want. One of the main reasons we deny what we want is because, on some level, we think we won’t get it. We’re so afraid of being disappointed or heartbroken that we’ll actually choose to go at it alone, to hide the fact that we long to be loved and accepted for who we are, and we’ll put on an air of invincibility to hide from and protect our vulnerability. Many of us also believe that in order to have this wonderful relationship, we’ll have to “sacrifice” the happiness we have in another. This is why so many women will deny tht they want a relationship and throw themselves, into succeeding in their careers. This at least makes them feel financially secure and gives them the sense that they can at least have some control over their “happiness. This fear that we’ll have to choose between professional success and having a fulfilling romantic life perpetuates our belief that we’re not able to have everything what desire for our lives. So we create a self-fulfilling prophecy and gather evidence to support our belief that we’ll never get what we want, anyway, so why bother?
Moving past these fears can be difficult, because they are hidden. They are so hidden, in fact, that we’re not even aware that they exist! Rather than being able to see that our fear of being hurt, taken advantage of, or unloved is simply a thought we have, we believe that our fears are real and we will say that we’re perfectly happy being alone, even though we know in our hearts that we really do want to share our lives with someone who loves us as much as we love them! So we live our lives allowing the fears to take over, and instead of creating and living in the life of our dreams, we sell out and settle for what we think we can get.
AND it doesn’t have to be this way!
Helping women to see and remove the fears that are stopping them is only part of the amazing work we’ll be doing in our new course “Being ‘The Invincible Woman’ at Work and ‘The Irresistible Woman’ in Your Love Life!” In this course, women will begin to uncover the fears that have been stopping them from attracting the love their hearts desire. Once uncovered, we will begin to dismantle the fear, clear it out of the way, and create a new opening through which love can enter! We’ll also be discussing how to transition from being “invincible” in the workplace (which really works at work, since it helps us soar to the top of our industry or profession and achieve professional success) to becoming the irresistible woman in your love life. You’ll learn about the “business skills” that propel us in the workplace but intimacy in a relationship. And we’ll show you how to step into becoming the woman you were created to be – a loving, empowered, woman who embraces her feminine energy and is absolutely irresistible to men so that you can attract the man who is perfect for you!
So, register now to secure your spot and take a step toward making 2013 the year that your every dream and heart’s desires become realities!
P.S. If you missed the free Teleclass we held on Wednesday on “Having it ALL!: Being ‘The Invincible Woman’ in the Workplace and ‘The Irresistible Woman’ in Your Love Life!” not to worry, you can listen to the recording by clicking here!
Comments? Questions? Let us know! We love hearing from you! 🙂
by heartsdesireintl | Nov 27, 2012 | Dating, HDI Blog, Intimacy, Love, Marriage, Relationship, Relationship Advice, Romance, Uncategorized
by Gladys Diaz
Many women don’t realize that they are living in an “either/or world.” For some reason, they believe that they can either have a great career or business, where they experience success, fulfillment, and satisfaction… or they can be in a loving, passionate relationship, where they experience the joy of loving and being loved beyond their wildest dreams… But not both.
In this short video, I have you ask yourself some questions and help you get real with yourself about whether or not you’ve been living life from an “either/or” frame of mind!
Sign up here: http://heartsdesireintl.wordpress.com/events-workshops/
Join us Wednesday, November 28th at 9:oo p.m. to uncover some of the hidden fears, limiting beliefs, and self-sabotaging behaviors that may be stopping you from having the love your heart desires! Just sign up here to receive call-in details!
Comments? Questions? Let us know! We love hearing from you!
by heartsdesireintl | Nov 26, 2012 | Dating, HDI Blog, Intimacy, Love, Marriage, Relationship, Relationship Advice, Romance
by Gladys Diaz
One of the hidden fears stopping women – particularly successful women – from having the love we want in our lives is thinking we live in an “either-or world.” Without even being aware of it, some of us fear that we can either have a fulfilling professional life or a fulfilling relationship – but not both. We hold the belief that one of these areas needs to be “sacrificed” in order to experience joy and fulfillment in the other. And this fear goes with us on dates, in our relationships, and even in our marriages without us even knowing it.
It’s this limiting belief – this “either-or mentality”- that has many of us declare that we “don’t need to be in a relationship to be happy,” and throw ourselves into succeeding in our careers, instead, since that’s something we can control. We experience achievement and satisfaction in the workplace, and use that to substitute or replace the desire to be in a fulfilling intimate relationship. Whether we are single, dating or married, we begin to rely on the skills that have helped us rise in our professions and try to bring them into our relationships.
The problem is that the skills that propel us in business can actually repel intimacy. And, the more we rely on the skills that help us meet the bottom line, get others to do what we expect them to do, and rise to higher levels when we’re in our relationships, becoming seemingly “invincible” in the workplace, the less vulnerable we are willing to be, the more distance we create between ourselves and the men we are with, and more confused we feel when we ask ourselves, “Why am I able to succeed in every area of my life, except this one?”
While it’s true that we don’t need to be in a relationship to be happy – because happiness is something that can only come from within ourselves – the fact of the matter is that if being in a loving relationship is something that we want, then denying this desire will practically guarantee that we won’t ever have it.
So, if these fears and beliefs are something we’re unaware of, what can we do to turn it around and have the love we deserve and desire? How can we begin to create new skills and ways of being in our relationship that actually have us attract the love that we want?
The first step is to uncover the hidden fears and limiting beliefs that are in our way. Once these hidden barriers are revealed, they can be dealt with, and they no longer have the power to stop us from attracting what we want.
The next step is to identify the skills and habits that make us “invincible” in the workplace, but stop us from having an intimate, passionate love life and remove them.
Once we’ve moved these barriers out of the way, we create the space to discover the skills, habits and ways of being that actually have us attract the love we want by allowing us become enticing, alluring, and completely irresistible!
If you’re tired of living in the falsehood of an either-or reality… Of feeling like you have to sacrifice happiness in one area of your life in order to experience it in another… If you’re ready to begin attracting and experiencing the love, intimacy, and happiness your heart desires, then register now for our course “Being ‘The Invincible Woman’ in the Workplace and ‘The Irresistible Woman’ in Your Love Life!”
In this 4-part seminar, you will learn the skills and habits that will empower you to experience fulfillment and satisfaction in both your professional and love life! See, there is no “either-or.” You were created to experience love, happiness, and success in every area of your life. You were created to have it ALL!
If you register now and take advantage of our Cyber Monday Special, you’ll save $50 off the price of the course!
What are you waiting for? Why put off your happiness for even one more minute?
Put yourself and your happiness at the top of your holiday wish list and register now!
and your happiness at the top of your holiday wish list and register now!
by heartsdesireintl | Nov 20, 2012 | Dating, HDI Blog, Intimacy, Love, Marriage, Relationship, Relationship Advice, Romance
by Gladys Diaz
Are You Willing to Risk it All to Have it ALL?
I had the most amazing breakthrough on the way to the Women’s Success Summit on Tuesday morning. I was rehearsing in my head what I was going to say to the ladies who attended the Mini-Mastermind I was conducting that is based on our upcoming Webinar Seminar for professional women and entrepreneurs: Having it ALL: Being “The Invincible Woman at Work and “The Irresistible Woman in Your Love Life!
I was thinking about some of the reasons why many beautiful, successful, passionate women either do not enjoy dating, have not attracted the man with whom they want to share their lives, or, if they are in relationships, feel like there is something “missing.”
Why is it that these amazing women feel more fulfilled in their careers than they do in their romantic relationships?
We go over a lot of reasons for this in the seminar, but one of the main reasons is the need to take a risk. Yes, we take risks in business: We risk our time and money. But the risk is different when it comes to relationships. In love, we have to be willing to take emotional risks. And, for some of us, risking a broken heart is scarier than making an investment of thousands of dollars in our businesses! It’s why many of us throw ourselves into our careers, say we don’t have time to date or be in a relationship, and feel that men are “intimidated” by our success.
This fear of taking an emotional risk is really about the fear of being vulnerable. And it’s why we spend a lot of time in the seminar focusing on distinguishing the fears and doubts that are stopping us from attracting the man who’s right for us and on identifying the skills that serve us really well in business, but can kill the intimacy in our relationships!
As I was thinking of the risks I’ve taken in my life, to give as examples, for some reason, getting laid off from my job last year popped into my head. I was confused! For over a year, I’ve been working on getting “complete” with having lost my job. I forgave, got to a place of gratitude, and am so happy to be doing what I feel I was born to do –empowering women to have the relationships of their dreams – full-time, instead of “on-the-side,” like I used to! And yet… there were still times when I’d feel sad or upset about it. So I kept asking myself: What did getting laid off (something I didn’t want) have anything to do with taking a risk?
And that’s when I felt like my world shifted and I saw what I hadn’t been able to see before!
What I finally saw was that, when HR called to let me know they were eliminating my position, they didn’t call to let me go! They actually offered me another position so that I would stay… making the same incredible salary… and they offered it to me three times over the course of a month!
And each time, I said, “No!”
Why? Because the position would require 80% travel… 80% of the time away from my husband and family… 80% of the time away from working with women, writing, speaking, and doing the things that I am passionate and excited about doing. 80% of the time hating what I was doing because I did not want to travel and be away from the people and the things that I love!
I said, “No!”
I took a HUGE risk! I risked a very comfortable salary and lifestyle because something was more important to me: My marriage, my family, and my freedom. I chose to risk the comfort of a job and the sense of security for the uncertainty of owning my own business. And, emotionally, I took a huge risk when I chose to trust that my husband was capable enough to handle stepping into the role of primary bread-winner, and to allow myself to be taken care of – something I’d been doing for myself since I was 17!
I chose to risk it all so that I could have it ALL!
When I got that – When I got that I chose to say “No!” – All of the discomfort, upset, and “victimization” I’d been carrying around over having been “let go” completely disappeared! I started laughing and crying at the same time (not the safest thing to do while driving, but I was overcome with joy!) In fact, I was so moved, I had to call my mentor, Luly B. (who empowers mom entrepreneurs to get over our guilt and our fears and step into our lives) and tell her that I finally got that I had taken a risk and chosen ME so that I could have it all in life, family and business!
The same is true when it comes to relationships. When we are willing to step outside of our comfort zones… When we put aside our limiting beliefs about ourselves, men, and relationships… And when we feel the fear and uncertainty of taking an emotional risk, and we do it anyway… We get to choose our lives and what our hearts truly desire! We get to experience the love, peace, joy, and wonder of loving and knowing that we are loved every day for the rest of our lives!
And that, ladies, is worth all the risk!
So my question is… Are you ready to take a risk in order to have it ALL in life and love? Leave your comments and questions below! We love hearing from you!
To learn more about the Webinar Seminar, just visit our Events page.
Photo credit: dixonphotography2011 via photopin.com cc
by heartsdesireintl | Nov 9, 2012 | Dating, HDI Blog, Intimacy, Love, Marriage, Relationship, Relationship Advice, Romance
by Gladys Diaz
If someone was to ask me what I feel the saddest thing in the world is, my immediate answer would be: Hopelessness. To me, living a life without hope, a life where you’ve resigned yourself to living in unhappiness, a lack of fulfillment, and cynicism is one of the saddest states in which to exist. Even in our darkest moments, when things seem like there is no immediate solution, and where we are left wondering whether we will ever see the proverbial light at the end of the tunnel, there is always hope.
I often work with women who feel like their relationships or marriages are over. The love, the excitement, and the passion that was once present in their relationships is gone, the arguments are constant, or, even worse, there is that uncomfortable deafening silence that fills their home. It’s heartbreaking to hear someone share how she really thought “this was it” – she had found “the one” – and, now, all she can see is bitterness, indifference, and heartache. And they believe that there are only two options:
(1) Stay in a lifeless, loveless relationship.
(2) Get a divorce or break up.
As a relationship coach, it’s not always easy to sit and listen to the woman without my heart breaking a little bit. But what I love about what I do is giving women a third, more empowering and transformational option! I love working with a woman, helping her to see the role she’s played in things getting to where the relationship is, and what she can begin doing immediately to begin to turn things around. And, as she begins putting the skills into practice, and she begins to see how the changes she is making in herself are making a huge difference in her relationship and the rest of her life, I get to witness how that overwhelming sadness and hopelessness is replaced by a spark of hope! And as we continue working together, that spark gets stronger, the relationship begins to transform, and that hope turns into faith that things can and will get better – that, in fact, they already are better!
Great relationships don’t ever “just happen.” The same holds true for relationships in crisis. Rarely do things suddenly “just fall apart.”
Wherever you are in your relationship – whether you’re in the place where you’re beginning to lose hope, or, maybe you are pretty happy in your relationship, but you want to learn the skills and habits that will help you not only “maintain,” but really elevate the level of intimacy, passion, and romance in your relationship, there is always some work to do. And the work begins with and within you.
This is why I want to invite you to join me on a very special call this coming Monday, November 12, at 9:00 p.m. Eastern. On this call, I’ll be partnering with NY Times best-selling author and relationship expert, Laura Doyle, to teach you some real-life, practical, and mind-blowing relationship skills that you can begin using immediately to take your relationship to a completely new level!
Mind-blowing Relationship Tools that Work Immediately!
You’ll learn:
- The indispensable first step to achieving a passionate relationship.
- What makes you totally irresistible to your man (and it’s not about the way you look!).
- 3 phrases that guarantee intimacy to get the connection you crave.
- Why he’ll want to do more for you when you start doing less for him.
The call is open to all women, whether you are single, dating, or married, but there is a limited number of spots, so I encourage you to register now. Just click on the link below and register to hold your spot! Over 200 women have registered so far, so don’t wait! Oh! And feel free to share the information with the women in your life who want to inject some love, life, and passion into their relationships and their lives!
Mind-blowing Relationship Tools that Work Immediately!
Listen, you can have the relationship you dream of. It’s your birthright to be happy and experience the joy of loving and being loved! And, besides all of that, I’d love to connect with you! Go ahead, click and register NOW!
Have any questions or comments about the call or your relationship in general, go ahead and leave them below! We love hearing from you!
Photo credit: seyed mostafa zamani via photopin.com cc
