by heartsdesireintl | Nov 10, 2013 | Dating, Heart's Desire International, Love, Marriage, Relationship Advice, Success
by Gladys Diaz
“Survey says…”
Now this you may find surprising! According to a Citi/LinkedIn survey that was published earlier this week:
When it comes to defining success, men place more emphasis on marriage and children: 79% of men equate “having it all” with being in a “strong, loving marriage” vs. only 66% of women who feel the same. And when it comes to kids, 86% of men factor children into their definition of success vs. 73% of women.
I have to say I was a bit surprised when I read those statistics! But not really…
I’ve spoken to women from all over the world and time and time again, I hear how they are not ready to start dating because they’re building their businesses, moving up in their careers, and, many times, afraid that men will feel too “intimidated” by their success to want to be in a relationship with them.
That’s where I have to stop them!
Of course, it’s your choice to focus on whatever you want to focus! It’s your life and you get to create it any which way you’d like. However, I want to make something crystal clear:
You do not have to choose between having an amazing, profitable career or an extraordinary lifelong romance. You can have it all!
An empowered choice is one in which you choose what you want, simply because you choose it. Not because you think it’s the way it has to be. Not because you are afraid that you can’t have everything your heart desires. And certainly not because you think you’d have to settle for anything less than what you want and deserve!
If one of the desires of your heart is to be in a happy, loving, fulfilling relationship that leads to marriage and perhaps a family, do not pretend that that’s not what you really want.
Don’t put it off. Don’t be “reasonable” or practical about it. But don’t be naïve and think it’s “just going to happen,” either!
Just as you are willing to do what it takes to move up in your career, build your business and live the lifestyle you want to live, know that it’s going to take some effort on your part to attract and meet a man who is going to love and accept you and who wants to share your life – not because your life is not already complete – but because he wants to enhance and make it even better with you!
So, if you want to improve your career or business, then join me this Wednesday and Thursday, November 13th and 14th at the Women’s Success Summit VIII, where the theme is “Show Me the Money,” and we will! (You can use the code HeartsDesire at checkout to save 20% and you’ll be helping me get a 5-minute on-stage commercial!).
And, if your definition of success also includes being in a loving, passionate relationship, them make sure you connect with us so that we can talk about how you can begin to attract and create the love of your dreams!
Already in a relationship? Then let’s talk about how to take both your career and your marriage to the next level of amazing!
Here’s the deal, you were created to love, to succeed, and to be happy. Don’t settle for anything less!
Create and live a life you absolutely love!
Comments? Questions? Let us know below! We love hearing from you!
Click here to read more about the Citi/LinkedIn survey.
Image courtesy of FreeDigitalPhotos.net
by heartsdesireintl | Nov 8, 2013 | Dating, Forgiveness, Heart's Desire International, Love, Marriage, Relationship Advice, Self-Love
by Gladys Diaz
Be happy with being you. Love your flaws. Own your quirks. And know that you are just as perfect as anyone else, exactly as you are.
~ Ariana Grande
I remember there was a time in my life where I wasn’t really happy being me. During my teenage years, my mom was married to a man who was physically abusive. There was a lot of violence and alcoholism in our home, and I was terrified of anyone – family or friends – finding out what we were going through.
So, for many years I pretended that everything was fine. I always had a smile on my face, was perky and positive. No one would have ever guessed that several nights a week the police had to be called, that there were times when we had to ask neighbors for food so that my sisters and I would have something to eat, or that I often wished I could disappear and become someone else – anyone else but who I was.
Those years took a toll on my self-esteem. Even after my sisters and I were removed from that living situation, I was still afraid that people would know why we lived with our uncle and aunt and why our little sister had to live with her dad. So, I kept pretending. I never let anyone see me cry. I pretended to be strong and have it all together. I fell for the wrong type of guy and believed him when he said that no one else would ever love me. I sincerely believed that if someone knew how “messed up” I was, what all my flaws were, that they would reject and leave me.
It wasn’t until I began to accept myself, to forgive – yes, my mom, stepfather, and ex-boyfriend, but also myself, for all of the mistakes and poor choices I’d made – that I began to see that there was nothing “wrong” with me. I am just as wonderful anyone else! I don’t have to do or be anyone or anything other than who I am. Who I am is more than enough! And who I am is already lovable!
I am just as wonderful anyone else! I don’t have to do or be anyone or anything other than who I am. Who I am is more than enough! And who I am is already lovable!
I don’t know if you can relate to the feeling of wondering whether or not who you are – with all of your assets, flaws, and quirks – is enough. Enough to be loved. Enough to be accepted. Wondering whether if the man who you’re dating or in love with were to discover “that thing” – whatever “that thing” is for you that you keep hidden, covered, and protected – would still choose to love you.
If that’s a thought floating around in your head, I want you really take in what you are about to read.
You are already whole, perfect, compete, and absolutely lovable, just the way you are!
You don’t have to pretend to be someone you’re not.
You don’t have to hide the things about you that you don’t want others to see or know.
The ability to unconditionally love and accept another and to receive unconditional love and acceptance truly begins with being willing to unconditionally love and accept yourself, first!
And I want you to know that the man who chooses to love you is going to love you – all of you. He’s going to love the silly quirks, like the fact that you cry during commercials; wish on a star, just in case it’s true that that works, and never leave an egg by itself in the carton so it won’t be lonely! (Yes, those are my quirks and Ric loves them!) He’s going to love the parts of you that you feel are not pretty or “perfect” enough. And his love will help you heal those parts of your heart that have been broken, dented, and bruised.
Yes, you can choose to change and grow and improve – but not in order to “fix” yourself or be deserving of love – just because you want to become an even more amazing version of you!
P.S. If this is something you struggle with really believing, we invite you to read the e-book we created with 30 other Heart Messengers titled 30 Days and 30 Ways to Fall In Love With YOU!: A Daily Journey to Discovering Self-Love!
Comments? Questions? Let us know below! We love hearing from you!
by heartsdesireintl | Nov 5, 2013 | Communication, Dating, Heart's Desire International, Intimacy, Marriage, Relationship Advice
by Gladys Diaz
“If you change the way you look at things, the things you look at change.” ~ Dr. Wayne Dyer
One of the most beautiful parts about autumn is how the leaves begin to change. Although I live in Florida and the changes here aren’t as intense as in other parts of the country (palm trees don’t really lose their leaves!), there are a few non-native trees in the area, and I love to pick up and admire the different-colored leaves as I go for walks. It’s just fascinating to me how the leaves know when it’s time to begin to change, fall off the branches, and make way for something new to appear in the spring.
As often happens, when I’m thinking about things that take place in my life or the world around me, I try to see how I can relate it to relationships.
One of the main reasons people reach out to work with Michelle and me is because they want to experience change. They either want to change their current relationship status from “single” to “in a committed relationship,” or they want to change and improve the experience they’re having in their current relationship. In both of these situations, like the leaves on the tree, there is a moment where the woman realizes that it’s time to change, let go of the past and any of the things she’s been holding on to that are keeping her “stuck” where she is, in order to make room for something new to show up !
Recently, I was coaching a client who was struggling between absolutely loving her husband who is kind, loving, and generous with her, while also realizing that there were things about him that she didn’t really like or agree with. As I was coaching her, I saw myself and who I used to be in her.
I’ll never forget the moment when I realized that, for a really long time I had been completely unaware of the fact that I saw myself as “superior” to my husband. I was more positive, more spiritual, more even-tempered than he. I was more social, able to get along with people, and I didn’t hold grudges. As horrible as it sounds to me know, I really did have this better-than-thou perception of my husband.
Unfortunately, as unaware as I was of this perception, my husband was completely tuned into it! He could sense that I was making judgments about him and his choices. Whether or not I was aware of it, this underlying belief and view that I had of him was coloring how I saw, spoke to and of him, and how I treated and responded to him. I didn’t have to come out and say it. All he needed to do was looks into my eyes and he could probably see it.
For a long time, I thought it was my responsibility to let my husband know all of the ways he could improve and strive to be better than he was. I would tell him to calm down, to forgive and let go, and how he should approach people and situations. And for a long time, my husband resisted every suggestion, piece of advice, recommended book or video, and comment I made — which only made me want to “help” him even more.
It was a vicious cycle and I was left wondering why he couldn’t just listen to me and change.
It wasn’t until I took the spotlight off of him and everything I felt he needed to do, say, and think differently and flashed it on myself that things really began to change. And things only changed because I began to change myself and the way I was choosing to see him.
I began to look at all of the ways I was sending the message that I didn’t love and accept him, where I felt I was superior to him.
Then I began to look for evidence that supported what a great man he was – a man of integrity who was smart, strong, loyal and loving.
I began to recognize just how capable he was at work and in the things he enjoyed doing.
And something amazing began to happen.
Because I began to change the way I chose to see and relate to him, my husband began to change! But not really.
I began to see what had been in front of me all along, but I couldn’t see because I had been too busy looking for what was “wrong” and needed to be “fixed.”
I’ve learned that, since you cannot make your date, boyfriend, or husband be more or less of anything he does not choose to be, the only thing you can do is to begin to believe that he can be those things.
You can affirm the good qualities you see evidence of in him and in your relationship.
You can shed light on the things you want to experience and see more of, and create a space of unconditional love and acceptance that may very well inspire him to become the man he was created to be.
And, in the meantime, you can focus on becoming the woman you were created to be — the very best version of yourself!
I ended the email to my client by sharing my version of Gandhi’s famous quote, where he called on us to “Be the change you wish to see in the world.”
For those of us looking to create and experience extraordinary love, the message is:
BE the love you want to see in your relationship!
Questions? Comments? Let us know below! We love hearing from you!
Image courtesy of FreeDigitalPhotos.net
by heartsdesireintl | Nov 1, 2013 | Dating, Heart's Desire International, Love, Marriage, Relationship Advice
by Gladys Diaz
Yesterday was Halloween, which is probably one of the more fun holidays, because, for one day, you actually have permission to pretend to be someone other than who you really are!
While dressing up and pretending to be someone you’re not can make Halloween fun, it’s not such a great thing when it comes to dating and relationships. In fact, pretending can be exhausting, and it doesn’t give you or the other person the opportunity to discover whether he’d choose to be with you if you were actually being yourself.
If you want him to fall in love with you, be authentic.
If your online profile or the way you portray yourself to others – especially men – is not an authentic reflection of who you really are, it’s very unlikely that you’re going to attract the type of person who is going to want to create the type of relationship you really desire.
If, while on a date, you’re focusing on what you should say or do to “get him” to like you, instead of listening, responding, and letting him get to know a little bit about the real you, then it’s possible that he may get the feeling that you are holding back or that you don’t want to be there with him.
And, if you’re not being authentic about wanting to be in a committed relationship that leads to marriage; or you’re pretending to be okay with sleeping with him before there’s a real commitment or with living together before you’re engaged or married – or you are in any way, shape or form being untrue to yourself out of the fear that he won’t want to be with you if you share how you really feel, then on how solid a foundation are you building your relationship? And…
For how much longer are you willing to pretend to be someone you’re not?
Not only is pretending inauthentic and exhausting, but it’s likely that you’ll eventually begin to feel resentment. And that resentment will probably be displaced, where you’ll begin to feel resentment toward him for not accepting you the way you are, while what’s really happening is that you’re upset with yourself for not being confident enough to trust that the man who you’re choosing to be with will choose to want to be with and love you just the way you are.
The truth is that he can’t fall in love with you if you are not there.
So, rather than pretending to be someone you’re not or hiding how you feel and what is true for you, trust in the beauty of who you really are and know that Mr. Right-for-You is going to find you –with all the good, the bad, and the not-so-perfect parts– to be simply irresistible!
Questions? Comments? Let us know below! We love hearing from you!
Image courtesy of FreeDigitalPhotos.net
by heartsdesireintl | Oct 25, 2013 | breakups, Communication, Forgiveness, Heart's Desire International, Love, Marriage, Relationship Advice, Success
by Gladys Diaz
Yesterday was a real exercise for me in being willing to step outside of my comfort zone.
On Wednesday night, I worked into the wee hours of the morning on a big project, and quite frankly did not feel very perky or pretty on Thursday! I was tired and knew I had a long day ahead of me of phone calls, research, and a webinar I was presenting that night.
At about 3:30 in the afternoon I received a call from someone who works at a local TV station saying he needed to speak with me ASAP. I called him back and he wanted to know if I could come to the studio for a segment they were doing about the benefits of online dating. Immediately I said, “Yes, of course.” That’s when he told me I needed to be there in four hours! I thought it was an upcoming interview… Not one happening that night!
I tried to get out of it. I told him I was tired and that I could pack clothes in the bags under my eyes. I also told him I had to lead a webinar at 9:00 and the segment was not airing until 8:30, and that I was sorry, but I couldn’t see how it was going to work.
That’s when he said he’d send a car to pick me up and drop me off so that I would not have drive, that he’d have a makeup artist ready to greet me when I got there, and that he’d arrange for me to have a private conference room with Internet connection so that I could go upstairs after the interview and conduct my webinar.
I thought about cancelling my webinar, but I didn’t want to do that. If this was going to work for me, I needed to be able to have it all!
At that moment, I chose to do what wasn’t comfortable.
I hurried up and finished my work; got ready, dressed and out the door, and let the ladies who’d be attending the webinar know that we might start a few minutes late.
After the webinar, I rushed upstairs, sat in an office that wasn’t my comfy home office, battled with technology to get connected to the Internet, and started the webinar 20 minutes late. Not what I like or what I’m used to.
The webinar, however, went great. The ladies waited patiently for me to get set up and were so understanding about all of the glitches that took place. Everyone participated actively, and the insights they shared at the end of the night reminded me that everything I’d done that day was worth it!
When I got up to put my things away, I looked up and saw the frame that you see as the image on this page. It read:
“Life begins at the end of your comfort zone.”
~ Neal Diamond Walsh
So, what about you? Have you been willing to step out of your comfort zone?
Have you set up that online dating profile you’ve been putting off because you feel that online dating is “unnatural” or not your cup of tea, even though it might actually be fun and you might end up meeting the man of your dreams?
Have you started smiling and flirting whenever you’re out, even though it feels “weird” or you’re afraid of being rejected?
Have you chosen to forgive your husband or boyfriend? To let go of any resentments or judgments regarding what he “should” do to make things right between you?
Have you been willing to be open, vulnerable, and allow love to flow in, to, and through you?
If you have, great! I’m excited for you and would love to hear about how you’ve been able to break out of your comfort zone and create some amazing results!
If you haven’t, would you consider stepping out in faith?
Life happens right outside of our comfort zone, and there are miracles just waiting to be manifested and experienced by you!
So, go ahead! I dare you to be happy!
Questions? Comments? Let us know below! We love hearing from you!
