by heartsdesireintl | Sep 26, 2014 | Coaching, Communication, Dating, Heart's Desire International, Marriage, Relationship Advice
by Gladys Diaz
I’m writing to this post right after going for a run… A real run!
What I mean is that, lately, I’ve been sort-of-kind-of-running, which means I’ve been walking a lot more than running during my 5K runs (and that’s on the days that I actually get out there). This past Monday, however, I finally got real with myself about how I’ve been playing with regard to my fitness and health, and I made a commitment to myself that I was going to have the best run I’ve ever had!
I started out strong and felt really good when I saw that I was going at a faster pace than I had ever run! Half-way through the run, however, I began feeling a really bad pain in my knee. I slowed down a bit, but kept running. Toward the end of my run, the pain was pretty intense, so I chose to start walking a little earlier than I normally would to cool down, just so that I could make it home.
I realize some might say that I should have “listened to my body” a little earlier. I did. I heard my body loud and clear, and it was saying: This is why you need to be consistent!
See, when I first started running, I dealt with knee pain almost every time I ran. After a few months of consistent training, however, I was running pain-free! My body had adjusted to the movements I was having it make, and I was able to run longer and faster without having to ice my knees after each run.
If I had continued training the way I was a few months ago, running several times a week and working out in between runs, it’s highly unlikely that I would have been in the pain I found myself in on Monday.
So… What does any of this have to do with you and your love life? A lot!
See, the same thing holds true when it comes to practicing new relationship skills.
When you first begin practicing a new way of communicating with and reacting and responding to the man you are dating or in a relationship, things feel a little (or more than a little) uncomfortable.
It takes some mental effort to remember not to snap back, criticize him or complain, rather than simply say how you are feeling and what you would like.
It doesn’t feel natural to be vulnerable, rather than “on guard,” protecting yourself against “the enemy.”
It feels a little painful to realize that many of the things you’d been saying and doing before you chose to change were actually hurting the intimacy in your relationship, rather than making it stronger.
That’s why there are 3 things you can to do ensure that the new skills and practices stick and become natural for you:
- Get Real with YOURSELF about Yourself. The first step in making any type of real change is to get real with yourself about what’s not working. And, while it’s always easier to look at what someone else (meaning him) could or should be doing differently, the truth is that you (1) you can’t control anyone other than yourself, and (2) by looking outside of yourself, you’re actually saying that someone or something other than you has the power to create your happiness. In order for a change to become permanent, you need to want to make it yourself and for yourself. Yes, the positive changes you make will impact and benefit your man, too, but commit to making these changes for yourself – because you want to be able to experience happiness, love, and peace and you know the power to create this lies in your hands.
- Practice the Skills Consistently and Over Time. The more consistently you practice new relationship skills, the more likely they are to become habits, and the faster those habits will become new ways of being in your life and relationship. When practiced over an extended period of time, you “train your brain” to begin listening, thinking, and responding in these new ways. This allows your ability to communicate effectively and create and experience what you want in a relationship will flow naturally, with grace and ease!
- Work with Someone Who Will Hold You Accountable. Trying to make changes on your own, without support or accountability, is pretty much setting yourself up to either fail or have the changes take a lot longer than they need to. That need to do things on your own, to not allow someone to stand and be there for you is all part of your need to be in control, and comes from a fear of intimacy. The truth is that while you are capable of making changes on your own, resisting help or encouragement from someone else may be one of the reasons you are struggling to create intimacy in your relationships. Having someone who believes in and wants you to succeed hold you accountable is not a sign of weakness or that you aren’t capable of doing it on your own. Instead, it’s a sign of strength and the commitment you are making to yourself.
In my business, I have a coach and a group of colleagues who are my accountability partners. We only listen for one another’s greatness and don’t allow each other to sell out on ourselves and the goals we’ve set. In my fitness, I’ve asked my husband to be my accountability partner. He has completely transformed his lifestyle and has an unwavering commitment to working out and training over the past several years, so I want to make sure that I have someone like that on my side – someone who already has already achieved the results I want to achieve and who can help support and guide me on my way (plus, he won’t let me off the hook at all!).
If you’re ready to begin working with someone to help you reach your relationship goals, then I encourage you to set up a time to speak with me. The women who are my clients will tell you that I don’t let them sell out on themselves, that I sometimes stand for and believe in them more strongly than they do for themselves, and that I encourage them to move past the excuses, “reasons,” and barriers that are standing in the way of them achieving and experiencing the love they want to have in their lives.
That’s my commitment to you.
Now it’s up to you to commit making the changes you want to make.
The hard facts are that there are only 3 months left to make this year really count and I only have one spot opening up in my private coaching practice next month. So, stop putting it off, making excuses as to why you “can’t change” or why your situation is different, and just click here to let me know you want to talk. I’ve blocked off 3 slots in my calendar this week so that I can make sure that no one takes them unless it’s someone who is ready to get started NOW.
So, if you’re ready to get real with yourself and get consistent, I’m happy to talk about working with and holding you accountable and looking to see if the coaching program is a good fit for you!
I believe in you and I know that the love and happiness you dream of are possible for you! Let’s get started, get consistent, and make dreams happen!
By the way, that run I was telling you about? I did run my best time yet (shaved off 10 minutes!), even with having to walk at the end, and I’ve been consistent all week long! There is something to be said about making a commitment and honoring it!
Questions? Comments? Let us know below! We love hearing from you!
by heartsdesireintl | Sep 9, 2014 | Coaching, Dating, Heart's Desire International, heartache, Intimacy, Love, Marriage, Relationship Advice, Romance, Success
by Gladys Diaz
Have you ever felt like something is just too hard and it’s time to give up – even when it’s something you really want or believe in, like a dream or a goal you’ve been working on for some time?
Many times, when I’m on my runs, I tell myself I’m not going to stop until I reach a certain distance. There are times when my legs are aching, sweat is dripping into my eyes, and I feel like my chest will explode, and I just want to stop. And, sometimes, I do. But the moment I do, I check the app I use while running, and if I haven’t reached that preset distance, I will literally say to myself aloud, “Don’t you dare stop now!”
Pretty tough, right?
Well, I’ve found that sometimes I need to get real with myself, or else I’ll quit before it’s time to stop. If I don’t remind myself of what my goals are, the milestone I set, and why I’m doing something, left to my own devices, I’ll quit when things get a little too uncomfortable for me – whether it’s in running, a goal I’ve set for myself in business, my well-being, and, yes, my relationship.
What about you? Are you getting ready to give up on something?
I speak to a lot of women – women of all ages, cultures, and relationship statuses – and there’s common question that comes up:
“Do you think there’s hope for me?”
Maybe you’re a single woman who’s become frustrated with dating unavailable men or men you’re not really attracted to, or the fact you haven’t gone on a date for months (or years) and you’re wondering whether you’re just meant to be alone.
Maybe you’ve been in an on-again-off-again relationship for several years, or one in which you’ve been waiting for him to commit or proposed to you, or things just seem to be unraveling at the seams, and you wonder whether it’s time to call it quits.
Maybe you’re in a marriage where things have been on a downward spiral for a while, or you feel like you’re just housemates or co-parents, and you wonder whether it’s even worth possible to bring the love and romance you once shared together.
And maybe you’re like many of my clients and you’ve taken several courses, read many books, and done a ton of spiritual and inner work and you’re asking yourself why these thing seem to lead everyone else in the directions of their dreams, but not yours, and you’re wondering whether there’s simply something “broken” inside of you.
I don’t know where you are, but I do know this:
The only surefire way to not reach your goals and for your dreams not to come true is for you to decide to give up!
That’s the only thing that will guarantee that you won’t get what your heart desires.
So, I’m going to say this with all of my love:
Don’t you dare stop now!
What if there’s something you didn’t know you could do to turn your love life around?
What if there’s just a little more work to do to finally get the things that have been blocking love from coming to you out of your way?
What if the next guy you meet in person or online is the one who’s been looking for you all along?
What if the man you love is just waiting for a sign that you’re not ready to give up on your relationship?
What if there is still hope?
Are you seriously willing to give up without doing everything you can to make your dreams come true?
If you’re not ready to give up yet, then take out a piece of paper and answer these questions:
- What is it that my heart truly desires?
- What is making me want to stop and is in the way of me having this be realized in my life?
- Is there someone who or something that can help me discover how to get past this?
- Am I courageous enough to reach out for help and do what it takes and not give up?
- What’s the next action step I will take, rather than stop and give up?
I know you’re tired. I know you’re afraid. But I also know that you can be courageous and unstoppable. I know you can take that next action step. And I know that you don’t have to do it alone!
If you’d like support (and a nice, hard push) in taking that next step, then you can always reach out to me and step up a time to talk!
I’m not giving up on you, so don’t you dare give up on you, either!
by heartsdesireintl | Sep 3, 2014 | Coaching, Dating, Heart's Desire International, Intimacy, Love, Marriage, Relationship Advice, Romance, Success
by Gladys Diaz
This week marks the official end of summer and start of the new school year for kids around the country. Each fall I’m reminded of how much I used to love this time of year when I was a teacher.
See, as teachers and students, we get the opportunity to start fresh and set new goals for ourselves 3 quarters into the “new year”!
Isn’t that great?
You know what’s even better?!?
You don’t have to be a parent, teacher or student to celebrate a Happy New Year today!
Think back to January of this year.
Did you create a Love Resolution for yourself?
Many of you joined us for our Love Resolution Call and created some truly amazing resolutions describing who you were resolving to be this year to attract and create the loving relationship your heart desires.
So… Did you do it?
What I mean is, did you write out your Love Resolution and read it aloud to yourself twice a day, every day?
And, if so, did you reach your goal? Are you now in a happy, loving, intimate relationship? The relationship of your dreams?
If you did, please, contact us and let us know. Send us a picture! Let us celebrate your love with you and the rest of the world! (Make sure you read Patricia’s testimonial, below!)
If you didn’t…
First, stop making yourself “wrong” about it! You didn’t do what you didn’t do. That’s true.
What’s also true is that you can start your new year TODAY!
There are still 4 months left in this calendar year and so much can happen in four months if you commit to taking the steps right now to transform yourself and your love life!
I’ve had clients meet the man of their dreams in less than four months.
I’ve had clients turn their marriages – the ones they were ready to give up on – in less than four months.
I’ve had women who had been waiting to hear that magical question for years get proposed to in less than four months!
Miracles can happen in less than four months, and some of those miracles can be YOURS!
But you have to be willing to do what you’ve been unwilling to do until now.
You have to be willing to stop resisting, putting off, and excusing away the thing you say is important to you!
If you’re like most people, too many times you pretend that the things that are most important to you – like being in a loving, passionate, intimate, and fun relationship – don’t really matter.
You minimize just how much your heart desires it.
You let yourself off the hook and make excuses for not taking the steps you know will lead you in the direction of making that dream come true.
You start focusing on other things – work, school, hobbies – to ignore the pain and disappointment of having another year go by where you find yourself either alone or lonely inside of a relationship.
Why do you do that?
Well, if you’ve been on our list for even a little while, you know the answer: Fear.
You’re afraid you want what you really want.
Most of all, you’re so afraid you won’t have what you really want that you’ll self-sabotage your way out of having and experiencing it.
So, here’s my invitation.
Take a good look at yourself and your life – especially your love life.
Is it everything you want and hope for it to be?
Are you experiencing and living the life and love your heart desires?
If you are, as I said before, please share with us!
If you’re not, then it’s time for you to get real with yourself and choose whether or not you are willing to start making your goals and dreams come true.
Today is the day you can choose to begin taking committed and inspired action that is aligned with your goals and dreams of being in the type of relationship your heart desires with an absolutely amazing man!
Today can be the beginning of your very own Happy New Year!
I have only 2 more spots left in my private coaching program for the remainder of this year. That’s it. After that, you’ll have to wait until 2015 to begin working with me, which means putting your dreams offeven longer. That’s not what I want for you.
So, don’t keep waiting for something to somehow, magically change or happen on its own. This is up toyou!
You have the power to create and make that relationship a reality, and I can teach you the skills and tools you need to start making it happen now!
Just click the link below and reserve a time to speak with me now!
<<<Click here to schedule your Ready for Love Session now!>>>
Again, I have only 2 spots left.
Time’s not stopping.
The clock’s still ticking.
This is your time to make your relationship dreams come true!
Here’s a message my client, Patricia, just sent me:
I created my Love Resolution for myself in January and happy to say I reached my goal! I am now living a happy, loving, intimate relationship, the relationship of my dreams with my fiancee, Ruvin! We were engaged after 4 months!
<<<Click here to schedule time to talk now!>>>
Right now really is the time. Think about where you were four months ago.
Is where you are now where you hoped you would be? If not, then stop wasting precious time!
Reach out and set up a time to talk with me so that I can help you get started on making your dreams come true before 2015 gets here!
by heartsdesireintl | Aug 12, 2014 | Coaching, Gratitude, Heart's Desire International, Intimacy, Relationship Advice, Success
by Gladys Diaz
In June I had the opportunity to be interviewed by friend and colleague, Gina Hussar. She was hosting The “IT” Factor Master Class I invited you to attend. The other day, as I was listening to the recording of the interview, I thought, “Everyone in our community needs to hear this! I need to share this with them!”
Gina has been generous enough to allow me to share this short interview with you so that you can eavesdrop on our conversation! I invite you grab something with which to take notes and soak up some of the tips and secrets that have lead me to having the life, business, and relationship my heart desires!
In this interview, I share:
- My story – which was not always “pretty” or easy – of how I came to be where I am today, which is where I believe heart, body, and soul is where I was created to be!
- How our book 30 Days and 30 Ways to Fall In Love with YOU! was created
- Universal Values for Success in life, business, and love
- One of my favorite rituals, which has gotten and still gets me through some of the scariest moments of my life!
I hope you enjoy this interview and that you’ll share with me the what you feel were you biggest take-aways you will use in your own life!
Click below to listen to this life-changing interview
Questions? Comments? Let us know below! We love hearing from you!
You can learn more about Gina and the amazing work she does by visiting her website: 30secondstopeace.com
by heartsdesireintl | Jul 25, 2014 | Coaching, Communication, Dating, Forgiveness, Gratitude, HDI Blog, Heart's Desire International, heartache, Infidelity, Intimacy, Loss of a Spouse, Love, Marriage, Parenting, Relationship, Relationship Advice, Romance, Self-Love, Sex, Uncategorized
by Gladys Diaz
The other day, I was watching one of my favorite TV shows with my family and they were featuring a mother in her 40s who was almost 200 pounds overweight. She was beside herself with sadness and self-loathing because she said she had given up her dreams and could not believe how much she had let herself go after having been an athlete and gymnast in her youth.
Her reason for having gotten to this point?
Being a mom.
She shared how she had gotten pregnant in college and thrown herself into being “the perfect mom” and pastor’s wife. She described how she had put so much focus on being there for her kids that she’s lost herself and forgotten who she was.
I’d like to say this is an isolated incident, but it’s not.
One of the most common fears women share with us is that they are afraid of losing themselves in a relationship.
I work with women all over the world who are trying to prove that they are Superwoman or Supermom, doing everything, working themselves to the point of exhaustion, and ignoring their own needs so that they can please and impress others.
And this isn’t an issue that only affects mothers and wives. I also see women who are single and are throwing themselves into and losing themselves in their careers, giving all of themselves, their time and attention to their bosses and companies and leaving very little time or attention for having fun, dating, and just taking care of themselves.
Unfortunately, all of these women have forgotten that the MOST important relationship you will ever have is the one you have with yourself!
If you don’t take the time to care for yourself by making time to relax, laugh, play, nurture your mind, body, and spirit, you literally have nothing left to give – to yourself or anyone else!
Giving to the point of feeling depleted, mentally and physically exhausted –and many times resentful, because you feel you’re giving, giving, and giving without getting very much in return – not only leaves you unable to have the energy, patience, and enthusiasm to date or create a loving relationship, but also teaches people how to treat you. So it’s unfair to resent the boss who keeps adding things on your plate with no recognition or additional compensation, the PTA President who knows she can call you the night before to do a task that would take anyone else weeks, or your husband who is not helping you around the house or with the kids.
When you don’t take time to make time for yourself, don’t expect others to go out of their way to do that for you, either!
It’s essential that you do something for yourself daily. Whether it’s read a book, talk on the phone with a girlfriend, take that class you’ve been saying you want to take forever, or just sit and do nothing (one of my favorites!).
When you make your needs, dreams, and self-care a priority, you are letting yourself – and the rest of the world know – that you value yourself, believe in your dreams, and know that there isn’t a need to “sacrifice” what you love and makes you happy in order to be a great woman, partner, or mother.
You’ll also find that when you make yourself a priority, all of those people who you love and are trying to make happy will rally around you, be your biggest supporters, and help make sure you have time for yourself and to make your dreams come true!
As we were watching the show, my older son said, “Wow… She had to give up her dreams so she could take care of her kids? “
I responded, “No, she didn’t have to give up her dreams. She chose to. We get to create our lives and make our dreams come true. A woman can be a great mother, have a happy relationship, and still follow her dreams.”
His response?
“Oh, yeah, Mama. Like how you take care of us and you’re also helping your clients and building your dreams for Heart’s Desire!”
My response?
“Exactly!”
Comments? Questions? Let us know below! We love hearing from you!
by heartsdesireintl | Jul 22, 2014 | Coaching, Communication, Dating, Forgiveness, Gratitude, HDI Blog, Heart's Desire International, heartache, Infidelity, Intimacy, Loss of a Spouse, Love, Marriage, Parenting, Relationship, Relationship Advice, Romance, Self-Love, Sex, Uncategorized
by Gladys Diaz
Yesterday was my husband’s birthday, and, at our house, I love making a big deal when it’s someone’s birthday by celebrating “Birthday Week.” During this week, the person gets to choose what we watch on TV, what we eat for dinner, and, basically is made to feel special all week long by everyone else in the house!
Well, Sunday night, I almost ruined Birthday Sunday for my husband. The boys had misplaced the remote control for the TV (again) and were arguing about it in the playroom. It was already late and past their bedtime, so my honey and I were ready for our “alone time,” so we could watch our shows and relax together.
When I saw that my husband was getting upset at the boys for arguing, I jumped in to “help.”
(Mistake #1 – Offering Unsolicited Help: Stepping in “to help” without there being a need or a request for it. This sends the message that you feel he is incapable of resolving the issue on his own. Instead, trust in your partner’s capability to resolve the situation himself. If he needs help, he’ll ask for it. By the way.. he probably won’t.).
The truth is that there really wasn’t any reason for me to jump in to “help.” My husband had the situation handled. I jumped in because didn’t want him to be upset with the boys (especially on Birthday Weekend) and I just wanted the arguing to stop. Now, even though these might be “good reasons” for stepping in, had I stayed on the couch and allowed him to handle things, it probably would have been resolved right away.
Instead, I jumped in and noticed that, the more I tried to “help,” the more angry he was getting. At first I thought he was angry with the kids, but, in retrospect, I can see that he must have felt like I didn’t trust him to handle the situation.
I did an exercise I do with the kids that helps them to remember where they last saw and held something, and, the remote was found!
(Victory #1 – Resolving the problem. This was short-lived, however, because of Mistake #2!)
Now, if I’d just left it at that, everyone would have felt happy, relieved, and the situation may have been over. However, for some reason, I simply had to make sure that I emphasized (rather loudly) that this is what you should do when you can’t find something.
(Mistake #2 – Proving I’m Right and You’re Wrong: This is an ego-driven need to prove the other person wrong. While there may be a sense of “victory” in having been “right,” essentially, there is no “winner” in this situation because your partner is left feeling as if he’s wrong or in some way “lesser than” you.)
Then, to prove my point further, as my husband was talking to the boys about them being responsible so that they don’t lose things, I butted in again to mentioned that things in the house don’t get “lost”; they simply get “misplaced.”
(Mistake #3 – Wanting to be “Right” AGAIN: This adds salt to the already-tender wound. By correcting or contradicting your partner, you once again disrespect him by pointing out how “right” you are. There is no demonstration of support or encouragement for your partner, which can leave him feeling upset and alone).
Well, that did it.
My husband yelled, “Okay, things in the house don’t get ‘lost,’ they are ‘misplaced! Is that better?’”
Now he was in an official funk…and so was I.
I was upset at myself for getting involved, sending the message that he couldn’t handle a simple situation, and that I was the one with the “right” solution. I saw how disrespectful and condescending I’d been. I was ashamed and angry with myself, especially since that’s not the way I am committed to treating my husband.
I wish I could say that I immediately apologized and that we were soon in a snuggly, blissful space, but that wouldn’t be true. It took me a while to get to the point that I could forgive myself enough to apologize to him. I made a first attempt to apologize, but I have to admit that it wasn’t very sincere. It came from a place of trying to “fix” things. I think he could tell, because he remained cold.
A little while later, I noticed it was past midnight (we always try to be the first to wish the other a Happy Birthday). I moved closer to him on the couch, looked him in the eye, and said, “I’m sorry I disrespected you, and I know you’re upset. I just want to say ‘Happy Birthday.’”
He leaned forward, we kissed, and I snuggled up next to him and said a prayer of thanks. (smile)
In the past, I wouldn’t have apologized. I would have made it seem like it was not such a big deal and then made him wrong (again) for not forgiving me right away. Now, even when it’s hard, I choose to apologize – because that’s something I can be responsible for – and give him space to work through his own feelings.
(Victory #2: Sincerely Apologizing. It’s not always easy to admit when you’re wrong. However, if you can put aside your pride and realize that what’s more important than being right, staying angry, or pretending like nothing happened is restoring the intimacy in the relationship, then you also recognize that it’s really a small price to pay. And now you’ve got a win-win situation going!)
Having a loving and intimate relationship isn’t about perfection. You may not always say or do the right things.
So what can you when you’ve made a mistake that impacts the closeness and connection in your relationship?
You can continue to focus on becoming your best self.
You can forgive yourself and ask for forgiveness along the way for those times when you don’t reflect the best side of yourself.
And you can recommit to restoring intimacy in your relationship.
In doing all of these things you can be confident that you are on the path to creating the happy, loving, intimate relationships your heart truly desires.
Questions? Comments? Let us know below! We love hearing from you!
Image courtesy of FreeDigitalPhotos.net
