by heartsdesireintl | Mar 21, 2013 | Dating, HDI Blog, Intimacy, Love, Marriage, Relationship Advice, Romance
by Gladys Diaz
How to Be a More “Datable Me”
On my previous blog post, I shared how you can become more datable – whether you are single or already married or in a relationship – by being present, open, and light-hearted. Today, I’m sharing 3 more ways you can make dating a more fun and fulfilling experience that can lead to having the loving relationship your heart truly desires.
1. Be gracious and grateful. No matter how confident a man may seem, it takes courage to go up to or call a woman and ask her out on a date, plan an experience that will make her consider going out with you again, and risk rejection by asking her out on another date. When a man takes you out on a date, you don’t “owe him” anything. However, it’s easy to think that we do, because he’s spending money on us. Rather than worry about what he may want in return (because, usually, any strings that are attached are attached by us, not them), just receive his time, attention, gifts and compliments with grace and gratitude. Thank him – not just at the end of the date, but any time during the date that you notice something that is pleasing to you. This sends him the message that he’s doing a good job, that you’re pleased, and that it’s probably safe to ask you out again!
2. Be yourself. Another thing that can make dating seem difficult and exhausting is the amount of time and energy we spend trying to impress the man we’re with. It’s almost as if we’re auditioning or interviewing for a job. So much energy is going into trying to get him to like us that we don’t give him a chance to see who we truly are. Just be your authentic self – that’s who you want him to fall in love with anyway, right?
3. Be willing to reach out for support. I don’t know why people feel weird about asking for help when it comes to dating and relationships. People are willing to go to read books, take courses, and speak to experts in the fields they’ve selected for their careers and businesses, but think there is something wrong about reaching out to someone who is knowledgeable in the area of dating to get support and learn the skills that will lead to having the life and love their hearts yearn for. Anything we consider a priority in life is worth investing time and money into. It all comes down to how great our desire is and how committed we are to making it a reality.
If you’d like to learn even more ways to become a more datable you and to begin experiencing the life and love your heart desires, you’ll want to join us for our Free Orientation Meeting about the “Attract and Marry the Man Who’s Right for You” 1-Day Workshop this Saturday, March 23rd, at PAX Miami. The event, as I mentioned is FREE, and you will be able to experience some of the exercises and conversations we’ll be doing during the 1-Day Workshop we’re having on April 6th. We’re also going to be offering an incredible discount to the people who attend the Orientation Meeting. To learn more and register for this FREE event, click here.
Dating is the access to meeting the man who will have the honor of loving you in return. It’s up to you to make that process as fun, fulfilling, and empowering as possible for YOU! Don’t delay your happiness one minute longer! Your life is a result of the choices you make! Choose to make being in a loving, intimate, happy relationship a priority NOW!
Questions? Comments? Let us know below. We love hearing from you!
Image courtesy of FreeDigitalPhotos.net
by heartsdesireintl | Mar 18, 2013 | Dating, HDI Blog, Intimacy, Love, Marriage, Relationship Advice, Romance
by Gladys Diaz
I was honored when I was invited to speak at the Jazz in the Gardens Women’s Impact Conference and Luncheon on March 15, 2013. Just the name “Women’s Impact Conference” was enough to make me want to be part of the event. Add to that the name of my topic – “Datable Me” – and I was hooked!
During the session, I chose to focus on, not so much dating tips (although I did include some of those), but on who we are as women, and how we can step into our feminine power and make every date a fun and new opportunity to discover something about the man we are on a date with and ourselves. I talked about how, by simply choosing to shift our perspective, from viewing dating (and relationships) as “hard,” “difficult,” and “exhausting,” to fun and exciting, we can create each date as an opportunity to experience new possibilities and be pleasantly surprised each and every time.
By the way, this is a topic of interest for women who are married and in committed relationships, too. One of the most common questions I get is: What can I do to keep the love alive, even after we’ve been together or married a while?”
The answer: Plan on dating him for the rest of your life!
So, what are some of the ways that we can be more “datable” and have dating become something we experience as fun and new?
1. Be open. Be open to the endless possibilities that are available to you. Rather than going on a date already knowing that the guy is not right for you, that you’re probably not going to have a good time, or that you’ll probably be disappointed, choose to open your mind – and heart – up to the possibilities that are waiting for you. Be open to the idea that the man who will help create and share the relationship you dream of may not look like you think he will, may not drive the type of car you think he should, and may not have the type of job you’d like him to have. And be open to learning and experiencing new things, considering new ideas, and the possibility that you might actually have a great time on the date!
2. Be present. One of the things that can make dating (and relationships) so exhausting, is that many of us are rarely ever on the actual date. We’re either rewinding to the past, making sure we avoid something that happened or trying recreate something we liked, or we’re fast-forwarding into the future, thinking about what we should wear when we go out again, whether or not he’s going to introduce us to his friends, and if he’ll take us with him on that vacation he’s planning this summer (never mind that he hasn’t even asked us out on another date!). Add to that the temptation to fill the space with nervous chatter, rarely giving him a chance to think or speak if there’s anything longer than a two-second pause, and yes, after a couple of hours, we’re going to be exhausted! The key to knowing whether or not you even want to go out on another date with him is to be present – actually be on the date – and check in with yourself to see whether or not he’s someone you’d like to go out with again and get to know better.
3. Be light-hearted. Most great romances started out with a really fun first date. Try not to take dating – or yourself – so seriously. One of the things that has dating occur as hard or exhausting is that we come into it so seriously and making everything he says or does mean that he might hurt us, is not ready to commit, or is wasting our time. Instead of being so heavy and significant, when you’re having a good time on a date, inform your face! Let him know you’re enjoying his company, the meal, his sense of humor, or the activity you’re doing together. If a guy isn’t sure about whether or not you had a good time, he’s probably not going to risk rejection by asking you out on another date.
These are just some of the ways we can become more datable. I’ll share some in my next blog post.
If you’d like to learn even more and you live in the South Florida Area, you’ll want to join us for our Free Orientation Meeting about the “Attract and Marry the Man Who’s Right for You” 1-Day Workshop. The event, as I mentioned is FREE, and you will be able to experience some of the exercises and conversations we’ll be doing during the 1-Day Workshop. We’re also going to be offering an incredible discount to the people who attend and register for the workshop at the Orientation Meeting. To learn more and register for this FREE event, click here.
You deserve to experience the joy of loving and being loved for the rest of your life – as a woman, it’s your birthright! Dating is the access to meeting the man who will have the honor of loving you in return. It’s up to you to make that process as fun, fulfilling, and empowering as possible for YOU!
Questions? Comments? Let us know below. We love hearing from you!
Image courtesy of FreeDigitalPhotos.net
by heartsdesireintl | Mar 11, 2013 | Dating, HDI Blog, Intimacy, Love, Marriage, Relationship Advice, Romance
“If he was the right guy for me, he would know…”
“If we were meant to be, I wouldn’t have to say…”
“We’ve been together long enough that he should know…”
These are some of the more common comments I hear from both single women and those in who are married or in relationships. For some reason, many woman associate being with the right man with his physic powers to just know what it is that she wants, is feeling, or prefers. Perhaps it comes from the fairy-tale belief that when things are meant to be, great things just happen, people just know, and there is very little that has to be said or done to make a relationship work.
The problem is that fairy tales are make believe! There isn’t a single great relationship on the planet that has “just happened,” without some type of effort, commitment, and the willingness to let the other person know what it is one likes, wants, feels and prefers!
In fact, not letting a man know what you desire is an almost sure-fire recipe for creating a lose-lose pattern in a relationship!
Setting Up a Win-Win Relationship
Whether you are just getting to know a man or you are already in a committed relationship with him, one of the ways to set up a win-win relationship is to share with him the things that you desire. Many of us shy away from this because we’ve been taught that saying what we want has us come across as selfish or “high-maintenance.” So, we go through life not having the things we want, which leads us to feeling unfulfilled, unhappy, and with a rather lackluster life! Another thing it can lead to is resentment when we begin to blame others, including the man in our life, for not having the things we want – even though there is no way they could nave know — unless we told them!
I have seen this happen many times, even before the first date takes place. A man will ask a woman out and then ask her what she’d like to do. Her response, “Oh, I don’t know. Whatever you choose is fine.” That is simply crazy! There are millions of possibilities for where a couple can go and what they can do on a first date. This man doesn’t know you yet and has no way of knowing whether you’d prefer seafood, dancing, skydiving, or going to a jazz concert. Even if your online dating profile indicates some of the things you like to do, he still would not know which of these would make a great first date with you, until you tell him what you would like! So, not being clear about some of the things you’d enjoy doing doesn’t really set him up to win on the first date and could lead to you mistakenly thinking he isn’t right for you if he doesn’t happen to guess correctly!
As the relationship progresses and you get to know one another better, it’s easy to fall into the trap that he should know what you want and like. However, it’s still important to let a man know what you like and prefer. Why? First of all, there is always something new to be discovered about the person you are with, even if you’ve been together for years. More importantly, however, the more a man cares for you, the more essential it is for to him to know that he is able to please you and that he has something to do with the smile on your face! That’s why it’s important that you let him know what you like, what you want, what you don’t want, and what would make you happy.
Telling Him What You Want is NOT Telling Him What to Do
Now, this doesn’t mean you are telling him what to do. That’s a completely different conversation, and one that won’t likely end happily, because men don’t want to be told what to do anymore than we do. Telling a man what you want and prefer is simply giving him information that sets him up to win. He still gets to choose whether he wants to buy you the red dress you saw in the store window, take you to have sushi instead of Italian food, or move to a bigger house that is closer to your family. And, while he has that choice and it’s important to respect and honor it, the great thing about men is that pleasing us is so important to them that, if they are good guys and there is a way for them to do it, they will usually go out of their way to please us.
That’s why letting him know what we want sets us both up to win in dating and relationships!
If you’d like to learn more about how to express your desires in a way that inspires a man, join us for our Relationship Coaching calls and webinars! We offer bi-weekly calls for ladies who are single, married, or in relationships, as well as a monthly relationship skill-building webinar. Click here to check out the different packages we offer!
Questions? Comments? Let us know! We love hearing from you!
Image courtesy of FreeDigitalPhotos.net
by heartsdesireintl | Mar 8, 2013 | Dating, HDI Blog, Intimacy, Love, Marriage, Relationship Advice, Romance
by Gladys Diaz
Men and women are different. I know. It seems like I’m stating the obvious. But think of how many times you’ve gotten upset, been disappointed, or complained that the guy you’re dating or in a relationship with doesn’t “get you,” doesn’t know how to communicate, or doesn’t react or respond the way you think he should?
Many times, we expect our guys to listen and respond to us like a girlfriend would. We want him to say and do just the right things; be able to listen for hours, if necessary, to every detail of the argument we had with a co-worker without jumping in and trying to fix it or tell us what we should do; know exactly what we’re thinking and how we feel; and we want him to do all of this within our timeline and according to our standards – Stat!
The problem is that most men won’t listen, act, or speak to us like our girlfriends. Why?
Because men are NOT bigger, more muscular, hairier women!
They are men!
So, what are some of the differences between men and women and what are some things we can do to help us date, communicate, and relate better with men?
1. Remember that “different” does not mean “wrong.”
We all have a way we prefer things to go. When it comes to men, women, and relationships, it’s important to remember that it’s our differences that played a factor in attracting us to one another. Just because he communicates or does things a little differently than you would, doesn’t mean he’s wrong. Being open to accepting and embracing your differences and considering alternate ideas and points of view can help make your relationship even better.
2. Remember that there’s another person on the other side of this relationship.
When we’re dating or in a relationship, we can spend a lot of time analyzing and judging what the other person is saying or doing to see if it fits with our idea of what an ideal partner should be. Too often, however, we forget that there is another human being on the other side of the relationship who has ideas, opinions, and feelings of his own. This doesn’t mean you have to agree with everything he says or does, just that you are willing to honor and respect those words, thoughts, and actions as his words, thoughts, and actions.
3. Remember that “unconditional love” is just that: Love without conditions.
It’s easy to think, “If he was the right guy for me, he would…” or “If he really loved me, he would…” In a relationship, those ultimatums or expectations can be a recipe for disaster. Consider that it’s quite possible that he is the right guy for you, even if he doesn’t dress, think, or speak the way you think he should. Consider that his love for you doesn’t need conditions or requirements to exist (it’s called “unconditional love” for a reason!). Be open to the idea that he’s an imperfect man who is absolutely perfect for you and be willing to let go of the expectations and conditions that limit how much love you are willing to give and receive!
There are many more ways that men and women differ and that we can deal with those differences in a way that doesn’t limit or restrict the way we date, communicate, and relation to the opposite sex. If you live in South Florida and want to be part of a fun and enlightening conversation about this topic, join us Saturday, March 9th for the Decoding the Opposite Sex Relationship Expert Panel and Mixer at PAX Miami. We’ll be answering questions submitted by singles and couples in our live audience and via Twitter (@HeartsDesireInt #sexesdecoded)! After the panel, two amazing bands playing: ARAKA and Spam Allstars! So, come on out, learn, dance, mingle and have fun! See you there!
Questions? Comments? Let us know below! We love hearing from you!
Image courtesy of FreeDigitalPhotos.net
by heartsdesireintl | Feb 24, 2013 | Dating, HDI Blog, Intimacy, Love, Marriage, Relationship Advice, Romance
by Gladys Diaz
“I think I’m just not made out to be in a relationship.”
“I’ve decided that I’m okay not being in a relationship.”
“Maybe there really isn’t someone out there for me.”
“I don’t know. Maybe I’m just meant to be alone.”
Last week, I had no less than 4 single women tell me statements like the ones above. With that many women expressing the same thing to me in one week, I have to believe that there are more out there with the same thoughts. And, if you’re one of them, I feel it’s my responsibility to set you straight and let you know that you were created for love!
Now, I realize that there are many different types of love – love among family members and friends, love for humanity, and love for our pets. But I am referring specifically to romantic love. Yes, there are people in the world who choose to live a life devoid of romantic love – priest, nuns, and others who have chosen to dedicate their life to their ministry, for instance. But if you want to be in a romantic relationship and dream of being loved, cherished, and adored for a lifetime, trust that that the dream and desire were placed there from the moment you were created and that it is your birthright to experience the joy of loving and being loved every day of your life.
Perhaps you’ve had some bad experiences with love. Maybe you’ve had your heart broken a few too many times. Or it could be that you end up attracting really great guys, but then “something happens,” and what used to be a happy, romantic, and fulfilling relationship turns into constant fighting and bickering, and, suddenly, all you can see the guy who once took your breath away are all of the little things that you don’t like, the habits that get on your nerves, and the faults you swore you’d never put up with in a relationship.
If any of this is resonating, it could be that, while you desire to be in a loving, fulfilling relationship, you’re also self-sabotaging yourself out of one. Don’t beat yourself up about it. Almost every single woman has experienced the consequences of self-sabotage at least once in her life.
We say that we want to date and find the man who is our every dream come true, but, rather than go to the party or singles mixer, we choose to stay home, watch TV, and live romance vicariously through someone else’s pretend life.
We say we want open and honest communication with a man who is trusting and trustworthy, but we keep being attracted to men who lie, cheat, or seem emotionally unavailable.
We say we want to be in a relationship with a great guy who makes time for us, wants to make us happy and wants a commitment, and then, when we find him, he begins to seem “too nice,” not exciting enough, or too clingy.
Why is it that we sabotage ourselves out of the very thing we say we want most?
1. Fear. Some of us are so afraid that we won’t get the love we want that we close ourselves off, shut men out, and prevent love from finding its way to us. Or, when we finally find ourselves in a great relationship, we think it’s either too good to be true or it won’t last, so we keep looking for evidence of everything that’s not right, won’t work or won’t last, and we end the relationship before it even begins. Rather than letting your fears get the best of you and choose for you, step out in faith. While it’s true that there is always an element of risk when it comes to love, opening your heart up and allowing love to find its way to you could lead to experiencing the love your heart desires. Believe that not only is finding love possible, but that it’s possible for you! Let your faith be bigger than your fear!
2. Feelings of Unworthiness. Maybe, along with your fear there is a belief that you don’t really deserve the happiness and love you desire. Perhaps you’ve never truly loved and accepted yourself – every part of you – even the parts you don’t really like. Or maybe you’ve done something for which you haven’t forgiven yourself. Or perhaps you feel like you messed up the relationship with the guy who was “The One.” No matter what you’ve done, what has happened, or what mistakes may have been made, we live in a world that is overflowing with love, and you were created to give, receiving, and experience love. Believe that you are worthy of love. If you want to take a 30-day journey to discovering self love, read our book 30 Days and 30 Ways to Fall In Love with YOU! On each day of the journey, you will be taken through a reflection or activity and be given a new affirmation that will bring you closer to falling in love with yourself, which is the access to attracting love into your life.
3. Negative and Limiting Beliefs. If you have negative or limiting beliefs about men or relationships, it’s possible that you are blocking the love you say you want. Thinking that there aren’t any good men left, that men are dishonest or incapable of committing, or believing that relationships are hard or not worth the effort or that they never last doesn’t serve you. Why would anyone want to experience heartache, disappointment, and lack of fulfillment on purpose? It’s time to turn those negative beliefs into positive affirmations. Instead of thinking about all of the things you don’t want to experience in a relationship, begin thinking writing, and speaking about the things you do want. Soon, you will begin to attract those very things into your life and enjoy the love and happiness that are your birthright!
Some of these things may sound easier said than done. And it’s true that sometimes the hardest thing is getting out of our own way. However, you don’t have to do this alone. Working with a relationship coach is one of the best ways to get clear about what you want, what’s been stopping you from having it, and the actions you need to take to get the results that you want. If you are ready to begin attracting the love that you deserve and desire into your life contact us. Helping women experience the love their hearts desire is our mission and purpose and we’d love to work with and empower you with the skills to live the life and love you want!
Questions? Comments? Let us know. We love hearing from you!
Image courtesy of FreeDigitalPhotos.net
by heartsdesireintl | Feb 22, 2013 | Dating, HDI Blog, Intimacy, Love, Marriage, Relationship Advice, Romance
by Gladys Diaz
Why is it that some of the most successful, powerful women struggle when it comes to relationships? Whether it’s the CEO who can’t seem to make time to date or the entrepreneur who is a pro at networking and getting new clients, but can’t seem to connect with her husband, there are certain characteristics and behaviors that successful women bring into relationships that just don’t work.
Now, let me be clear (because I’m sure some of you just got triggered by that last sentence!), I’m not saying that in order to have a successful relationship you can’t be successful in your career or business. What I am saying is that some of the actions we take in the workplace that propel us to higher levels of success simply do not work when it comes to building an intimate, passionate romantic relationship.
Why? Because the goals we have in business and the goals for romance are completely different!
At work, we are focused on making the sale, finishing the project, meeting the bottom line, and getting others to help us do that by letting them know what needs to be done, by when, and how it must be done. If not, there are consequences to pay, including demotions, getting written up, or getting fired.
Now take that same attitude of mind into a relationship, and now you’re telling your date, husband or boyfriend, when he needs to do, by when, and how… And, by the way, there will be hell to pay if it’s not done your way and by the time you expected it!
So, what can a woman do so that she can experience success in both her work life and her love life? Watch this video of an interview between Dawn Maslar of LearnHowtoFindLove.com and me, where we discuss the challenges that successful women face and what we can do to transition from being “The Invincible Woman” at work and “The Irresistible Woman” in our love lives!
Image courtesy of FreeDigitalPhotos.net
