Last week in the U.S., as you probably know, we celebrated one of my favorite holidays: Thanksgiving. For a few days, there was a collective focus on the act of taking stock of our blessings and giving thanks for them. Whether or not Thanksgiving is a holiday you celebrate, I hope you took time to think, write about, and/or verbally express thanks for the people, things, and experiences with which you are blessed.
And, while the holiday is officially over, the act of giving thanks is something you can do every day! In giving thanks regularly, you have the power to shift your state of being from one of feeling upset, sad, and disappointed to that feeling happy, fulfilled, and blessed.
It may difficult to believe that something that simple could have the power to transform the way you experience your life, health, wealth, and relationships, but it’s absolutely true!
Last week, I wrote an article about The Transformational Power of Gratitude. Earlier that day, I had the privilege of doing an interview with Michelle Richards-Phillips of GeTVisioned TV to talk about how gratitude can help create more love and peace in our lives and relationships. Of course, I threw in some other dating and relationship tips, as well! This was probably one of my favorite interviews, as I felt such a connection with Michelle as we spoke!
Several of the people who have viewed the episode have let us know that they took on the Gratitude Challenge we gave at the end of the interview and what a difference it is making for them! People are not only experiencing a feeling of gratitude in their lives, but relationships with spouses and family members are being restored!
I hope you’ll take the challenge, too, and experience the transformational power of gratitude in your own life! Click below to watch the episode, and let us know if you’re going to take the Gratitude Challenge, too!
Questions? Comments? Let us know below! We love hearing from you!
There are few practices in life that are as transformational as that of giving thanks. There is something miraculous that happens when you make the choice to take your focus off of everything you don’t have, don’t have enough of, or that seems to be “wrong” in your life and shift to making the conscious choice to feel and express gratitude for what you do have. This is especially true when it comes to love and relationships.
There is a quote by Taneo Sands Kumalae that says,
“Energy flows where attention goes.”
There is nothing that can kill love and intimacy more quickly than criticism and sending the message to the other person that he is not doing “enough” to please you. Telling a man he doesn’t call often enough, that he “never” takes you out anymore, or that he’s “always” thinking about himself does not inspire him to want to call, spend time with, or think of you more often. In fact, you’ll probably find that this type of communication will backfire, having him pull away even more.
On the other hand, when you choose to shed light on the things that you like, enjoy, and appreciate – the little things, the big things, and everything in between – chances are very high that the man you are with is going to want to give you even more of that? Why?
Well, it’s pretty simple. If you’re with a good man, one thing is certain: He wants to please you. And letting him know what he’s done to please you will make him want to do that more often!
See, not only does he love seeing that smile on your face, but he absolutely loves knowing that he had something to do with it!
So, the more you often you let him know that you noticed what he did and that you appreciate it, the more often he will want to create that feeling for both of you again, which means you both win!
Now, I’m not talking about simply expressing thanks in order to “get him” to do things for you. That is manipulative and controlling and totally goes against what we teach about how to create a loving, intimate relationship. This is about really allowing yourself to notice what he’s done, feel the gratitude, and then express it to him.
As with most of the things we teach, this takes some level of vulnerability, because you’re letting him know he made a difference for you. This practice can be easy when things are going well in a relationship, but can be a little more difficult when you’re experiencing difficult times. However, it’s impossible to feel both resentment and gratitude at the same time. So, when you make the choice to express gratitude, it’s also likely that the resentment you’ve been holding onto will begin to disappear, which is a gift you give yourself!
I can promise you that if you really take on expressing gratitude to your husband or boyfriend for the week, something magical will happen.
Not only will you begin to experience more peace within, but you will also begin to sense a shift in the dynamic of your relationship.
Why?
Because, now, rather than focusing on (and complaining about) all of the things he’s not doing (or not doing well enough), you will begin noticing just how much you have to be grateful for! Instead of noticing that he left the socks on the floor, or left the toilet seat up, or forgot to pay the phone bill on time, you’ll begin to notice how he made sure he left you enough coffee in the coffee pot, how he always brings in the mail, how he’s working those long hours you complain about because he wants to take care of you, and how he begins to respond to your increased level gratitude! I’m warning you now – Don’t be surprised if he starts surprising you more often!
Will you take “The Gratitude Challenge”?
I’d like to present you with a little challenge.
For the next 7 days, look for three opportunities per day to express thanks to your man. I know, I know, some of you are thinking it will be hard to find one opportunity. Again, I promise you, if you will look for the opportunities, you will see them!
If you’re not in a relationship yet, then I challenge you to express your gratitude to men three times per day. You can choose to thank the same man three times, or thank three different men. Yes, you can choose a family member, but if you really want to stretch yourself, I invite you thank three co-workers, three men you see while running errands, or the cute guy who always holds the door open for you at the gym!
If you play this game full-out, you are going to begin to notice just how much the men in your life want to please and make you happy! See, while you may be benefiting from their compliments, help, or gifts, you are giving them a gift in return: The gift of appreciation. And, if you continue to play the game well after the 7 days have come and gone, you will see just how big a difference a little gratitude can make in all of the areas of your life!
So, will you do it? Will you take the gratitude challenge?
If, so, make sure you let us know below! We can’t wait to hear all about the miraculous changes you’ll begin to see in your life and your relationship!
Last week, I shared about having gone to a conference for two days full days and how, in the past I would have felt guilty about doing something like that. Based on some of your responses, many of you relate to feeling guilty about putting yourselves first.
One of the things I didn’t mention is that, after having prepared all of the meals for my family, I completely left everything else in my husband’s hands for 2 full days.
What does that mean? Well, it means that he made the kids’ lunches, took them and picked them up from school, helped them do and check their homework, fed them, did the dishes, got them ready for bath and bedtime, and let them stay up a few minutes late so that I could kiss them goodnight when I got home!
And what did I do? Did I call to check up on him to make sure he knew what to do? Or remind him that my son had to be picked up at 3:15 from kickball practice? Or in any other way, shape or form try to “help” him handle things?
Nope!
And this doesn’t mean I’m not “a good mother” or “a caring wife.” In fact, it makes me an even better wife!
Why?
Because I trust him.
And, I must admit that this wasn’t always true for me.
One of the most common questions I get from women is how they can “get” their husbands or boyfriends to help them more often. My answer? Let him know you need help and then let him help you!
Sound too simple to be true? Well, it is!
The truth is that many of us don’t ask for help when we need it. It makes us feel vulnerable, we don’t want to have to ask, and then, if he does offer to help, we want to tell him how to do it the “right way” (a.k.a. “my way”).
Why is it so hard to ask for help? Because you then have to admit that you can’t do itall. And, what’s worse, you can’t do it allperfectly.
There’s probably nothing more debilitating than feeling like you have to do everything yourself so that it will turn out just right.
That self-imposed standard of perfection will have you work yourself to the point of exhaustion, all in the effort to look good and avoid looking bad in the eyes of others. Whereas, if you were simply to admit that you need or would like help, you’d be done in less time and have a lot less stress to deal with!
The truth is that people don’t notice, talk about, or give us nearly as much attention as we think they do!
What can be even more challenging than asking for help is actually receiving it. Allowing someone else to step in and take on some of the load can be helpful, but it can also be stressful for a perfectionist and can lead to wanting to tell the person how something should be done “correctly.”
Last week, I shared about having gone to a conference for two days full days and how, in the past I would have felt guilty about doing something like that. Based on some of your responses, many of you relate to feeling guilty about putting yourselves first.
One of the things I didn’t mention is that, after having prepared all of the meals for my family, I completely left everything else in my husband’s hands for 2 full days.
What does that mean? Well, it means that he made the kids’ lunches, took them and picked them up from school, helped them do and check their homework, fed them, did the dishes, got them ready for bath and bedtime, and let them stay up a few minutes late so that I could kiss them goodnight when I got home!
And what did I do? Did I call to check up on him to make sure he knew what to do? Or remind him that my son had to be picked up at 3:15 from kickball practice? Or in any other way, shape or form try to “help” him handle things?
Nope!
And it’s not because I’m not “a good mother” or “a caring wife.” It’s simply because I trust him. And, I must admit that this wasn’t always true for me.
One of the most common questions I get from women is how they can “get” their husbands or boyfriends to help them more often. My answer? Let him know you need help and then let him help you!
Sound too simple to be true? Well, it is!
The truth is that many of us don’t ask for help when we need it. It makes us feel vulnerable, we don’t want to have to ask, and then, if he does offer to help, we want to tell him how to do it the “right way” (a.k.a. “my way”).
Why is it so hard to ask for help? Because you then have to admit that you can’t do itall. And, what’s worse, you can’t do it allperfectly.
There’s probably nothing more debilitating than feeling like you have to do everything yourself so that it will turn out just right.
That self-imposed standard of perfection will have you work yourself to the point of exhaustion, all in the effort to look good and avoid looking bad in the eyes of others. Whereas, if you were simply to admit that you need or would like help, you’d be done in less time and have a lot less stress to deal with!
The truth is that people don’t notice, talk about, or give us nearly as much attention as we think they do!
What can be even more challenging than asking for help is actually receiving it. Allowing someone else to step in and take on some of the load can be helpful, but it can also be stressful for a perfectionist and can lead to wanting to tell the person how something should be done “correctly.”
What happens, however, is that by stepping in, reminding, correcting, and telling the other person how to do what they’re doing can make them feel as if you don’t trust them and that you’re not grateful for the help. It’s also what often leads to men not volunteering to help. Who in the world wants to be told what to do and how to do it every step of the way?
So, what can you do to begin getting more help?
Ask for help. Simply acknowledge that you could use some assistance, and say “I need help.” You don’t have to back it up with all of the reasons, justifications, and complaints about why you need help. Just let him know you could use some help.
Tell him what you need help with, but don’t tell him how to do it. Let him know what it is you would like help with and then let it go – meaning, don’t offer any unsolicited advice, directions, or “helpful hints.” If he indicates that he’s got it, then he’s got it.
Trust him. Letting go is going to require that you trust him. Trust in his capabilities to do what he said he’d do. Trust that if he needs your help, he’ll ask for it, just like you did (but realize that he probably won’t). Not only does letting go communicate trust, but it also communicates respect.
Be thankful. Leaving a task, project, or errand in his hands brings with it the possibility that the end result may not look exactly likewhat you had imagined. Regardless of how the help is given, it’s important to appreciate his effort. Letting him know you’re thankful not only makes him feel good about having eased your load, but that “feel-good-feeling” is something he’ll probably want to experience again, which means you may be getting even more help in the future!
Letting go of having control over everything can be scary. But trust is an essential ingredient in creating intimacy in a relationship. So, if you want to experience true intimacy in your relationship…
Take a deep breath…
Remember you chose a great guy…
And…let…go…
Comments? Questions? Let us know below! We love hearing from you!
This week I had the privilege of attending the Women’s Success Summit, one of my favorite professional events, because I get to learn great information for my business while having fun and being surrounded by good friends, other female entrepreneurs, and some amazing speakers! I also loved spending time with some of you, too!
Before leaving for the conference, I left all of the meals for the week prepared for my husband and the boys so that they’d have ready-to-go healthy meals and I wouldn’t have to plan or cook meals for the rest of the week (Yay! Cooking is something I do not enjoy at all!). Since my hubby was going to be flying solo for two full days, it was my way of saying, “Thank you, honey, for supporting and helping make my dreams come true by helping women around the world make their relationship dreams come true!”
In the past, I can honestly say that I would have never left for even one day without feeling guilty about it. I don’t know why it is, but, for some reason, as women, we tend to feel guilty about doing the things for ourselves that we enjoy, inspire and lift us up, as if by doing that we are somehow hurting or neglecting our families. And, by the way, this is also true for women who don’t have children. Somewhere along the road putting ourselves, our needs and desires first became “selfish” and unloving.
However, it’s virtually impossible to give and receive love freely if you don’t choose to take care of yourself first –guilt-free! As we always hear on the airplane, we can’t help anyone else until after we’ve put our own oxygen masks on. You simply won’t have the patience, energy, or desire to want to be with or care for anyone else if you feel frazzled, exhausted, and overwhelmed all the time. That’s why it’s important to do the things that you enjoy and help replenish your mind, body, and spirit!
So, what can you do to begin refueling your love and energy tank?
Make a list of the things you really enjoy doing.
Are there things that bring you joy and make you laugh aloud, help you feel peaceful and relaxed, or strengthen and empower you physically, emotionally, or spiritually? Put those things on your list! See if you can create a list of 20 things that you really enjoy. If it’s been so long since you’ve done anything for yourself that you can’t even think of 1, much less 20 things, think back a few years to when you were younger, or single, or first married. What are the things you used to do back then! Oh, and keep most of the items on the list simple and easy for you to do, because you’re going to want to do some of these every day!
Do 2-3 of the things on your list every day.
That’s right! There’s no typo! To have the patience, energy, and willingness to get out there and date or to have peace and intimacy in your home, you need to refuel your love and energy tank daily. It’s not enough to have one day each week or once a month when you go get your hair or nails done, have lunch with a friend, or sit down to read a book. You are living every day, which means you’re giving every day – usually to other people – so it’s important that you put yourself on your list of things to take care of every single day! It may feel difficult or uncomfortable when you first begin, especially if you’re not used to doing anything for yourself, but trust me, once you get used to it, you will see what a difference it makes for you and for the people around you when you are feeling happy, rested, and cared for!
Ditch the guilt!
The guilt you feel when you do something for yourself is self-imposed. And if you are allowing others around you to make you feel guilty, then just know it’s only because you’ve probably trained them to do so, because you haven’t made yourself and your happiness one of your priorities. We teach people how to treat us, and, once your friends, family, and/or begin to see that you are making your happiness and well-being a priority, don’t be surprised if they start to treat you with more Tender Loving Care, too!
Chances are very high that every woman reading this has someone or something for whom she is mainly responsible. And, just to be clear, I’m in no way saying that you should only focus on yourself to the detriment of those around you. What I am saying is that, loving, giving, and caring for others takes time, energy, and patience – none of which are available to us when we’re constantly on “empty” and running on fumes. Denying yourself pleasure and fun doesn’t make you more loving, and it certainly doesn’t make you more lovable. So, to experience the joy of loving and being loved freely and abundantly do yourself and those around you a huge favor, and do what you can every day to make sure your love and energy meter is always on “full”!
Comments? Questions? Let us know below! We love hearing from you!
Now this you may find surprising! According to a Citi/LinkedIn survey that was published earlier this week:
When it comes to defining success, men place more emphasis on marriage and children: 79% of men equate “having it all” with being in a “strong, loving marriage” vs. only 66% of women who feel the same. And when it comes to kids, 86% of men factor children into their definition of success vs. 73% of women.
I have to say I was a bit surprised when I read those statistics! But not really…
I’ve spoken to women from all over the world and time and time again, I hear how they are not ready to start dating because they’re building their businesses, moving up in their careers, and, many times, afraid that men will feel too “intimidated” by their success to want to be in a relationship with them.
That’s where I have to stop them!
Of course, it’s your choice to focus on whatever you want to focus! It’s your life and you get to create it any which way you’d like. However, I want to make something crystal clear:
You do not have to choose between having an amazing, profitable career or an extraordinary lifelong romance. You can have it all!
An empowered choice is one in which you choose what you want, simply because you choose it. Not because you think it’s the way it has to be. Not because you are afraid that you can’t have everything your heart desires. And certainly not because you think you’d have to settle for anything less than what you want and deserve!
If one of the desires of your heart is to be in a happy, loving, fulfilling relationship that leads to marriage and perhaps a family, do not pretend that that’s not what you really want.
Don’t put it off. Don’t be “reasonable” or practical about it. But don’t be naïve and think it’s “just going to happen,” either!
Just as you are willing to do what it takes to move up in your career, build your business and live the lifestyle you want to live, know that it’s going to take some effort on your part to attract and meet a man who is going to love and accept you and who wants to share your life – not because your life is not already complete – but because he wants to enhance and make it even better with you!
So, if you want to improve your career or business, then join me this Wednesday and Thursday, November 13th and 14th at the Women’s Success Summit VIII, where the theme is “Show Me the Money,” and we will! (You can use the code HeartsDesire at checkout to save 20% and you’ll be helping me get a 5-minute on-stage commercial!).
And, if your definition of success alsoincludes being in a loving, passionate relationship, them make sure you connect with us so that we can talk about how you can begin to attract and create the love of your dreams!
Already in a relationship? Then let’s talk about how to take both your career and your marriage to the next level of amazing!
Here’s the deal, you were created to love, to succeed, and to be happy. Don’t settle for anything less!
Create and live a life you absolutely love!
Comments? Questions? Let us know below! We love hearing from you!
Be happy with being you. Love your flaws. Own your quirks. And know that you are just as perfect as anyone else, exactly as you are.
~ Ariana Grande
I remember there was a time in my life where I wasn’t really happy being me. During my teenage years, my mom was married to a man who was physically abusive. There was a lot of violence and alcoholism in our home, and I was terrified of anyone – family or friends – finding out what we were going through.
So, for many years I pretended that everything was fine. I always had a smile on my face, was perky and positive. No one would have ever guessed that several nights a week the police had to be called, that there were times when we had to ask neighbors for food so that my sisters and I would have something to eat, or that I often wished I could disappear and become someone else – anyone else but who I was.
Those years took a toll on my self-esteem. Even after my sisters and I were removed from that living situation, I was still afraid that people would know why we lived with our uncle and aunt and why our little sister had to live with her dad. So, I kept pretending. I never let anyone see me cry. I pretended to be strong and have it all together. I fell for the wrong type of guy and believed him when he said that no one else would ever love me. I sincerely believed that if someone knew how “messed up” I was, what all my flaws were, that they would reject and leave me.
It wasn’t until I began to accept myself, to forgive – yes, my mom, stepfather, and ex-boyfriend, but also myself, for all of the mistakes and poor choices I’d made – that I began to see that there was nothing “wrong” with me. I am just as wonderful anyone else! I don’t have to do or be anyone or anything other than who I am. Who I am is more than enough! And who I am is already lovable!
I am just as wonderful anyone else! I don’t have to do or be anyone or anything other than who I am. Who I am is more than enough! And who I am is already lovable!
I don’t know if you can relate to the feeling of wondering whether or not who you are – with all of your assets, flaws, and quirks – is enough. Enough to be loved. Enough to be accepted. Wondering whether if the man who you’re dating or in love with were to discover “that thing” – whatever “that thing” is for you that you keep hidden, covered, and protected – would still choose to love you.
If that’s a thought floating around in your head, I want you really take in what you are about to read.
You are already whole, perfect, compete, and absolutely lovable, just the way you are!
You don’t have to pretend to be someone you’re not.
You don’t have to hide the things about you that you don’t want others to see or know.
The ability to unconditionally love and accept another and to receive unconditional love and acceptance truly begins with being willing to unconditionally love and accept yourself, first!
And I want you to know that the man who chooses to love you is going to love you – all of you. He’s going to love the silly quirks, like the fact that you cry during commercials; wish on a star, just in case it’s true that that works, and never leave an egg by itself in the carton so it won’t be lonely! (Yes, those are my quirks and Ric loves them!) He’s going to love the parts of you that you feel are not pretty or “perfect” enough. And his love will help you heal those parts of your heart that have been broken, dented, and bruised.
Yes, you can choose to change and grow and improve – but not in order to “fix” yourself or be deserving of love – just because you want to become an even more amazing version of you!
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