by heartsdesireintl | Nov 15, 2013 | Dating, Heart's Desire International, Love, Relationship Advice, Self-Love
by Gladys Diaz
This week I had the privilege of attending the Women’s Success Summit, one of my favorite professional events, because I get to learn great information for my business while having fun and being surrounded by good friends, other female entrepreneurs, and some amazing speakers! I also loved spending time with some of you, too!
Before leaving for the conference, I left all of the meals for the week prepared for my husband and the boys so that they’d have ready-to-go healthy meals and I wouldn’t have to plan or cook meals for the rest of the week (Yay! Cooking is something I do not enjoy at all!). Since my hubby was going to be flying solo for two full days, it was my way of saying, “Thank you, honey, for supporting and helping make my dreams come true by helping women around the world make their relationship dreams come true!”
In the past, I can honestly say that I would have never left for even one day without feeling guilty about it. I don’t know why it is, but, for some reason, as women, we tend to feel guilty about doing the things for ourselves that we enjoy, inspire and lift us up, as if by doing that we are somehow hurting or neglecting our families. And, by the way, this is also true for women who don’t have children. Somewhere along the road putting ourselves, our needs and desires first became “selfish” and unloving.
However, it’s virtually impossible to give and receive love freely if you don’t choose to take care of yourself first – guilt-free! As we always hear on the airplane, we can’t help anyone else until after we’ve put our own oxygen masks on. You simply won’t have the patience, energy, or desire to want to be with or care for anyone else if you feel frazzled, exhausted, and overwhelmed all the time. That’s why it’s important to do the things that you enjoy and help replenish your mind, body, and spirit!
So, what can you do to begin refueling your love and energy tank?
Make a list of the things you really enjoy doing.
Are there things that bring you joy and make you laugh aloud, help you feel peaceful and relaxed, or strengthen and empower you physically, emotionally, or spiritually? Put those things on your list! See if you can create a list of 20 things that you really enjoy. If it’s been so long since you’ve done anything for yourself that you can’t even think of 1, much less 20 things, think back a few years to when you were younger, or single, or first married. What are the things you used to do back then! Oh, and keep most of the items on the list simple and easy for you to do, because you’re going to want to do some of these every day!
Do 2-3 of the things on your list every day.
That’s right! There’s no typo! To have the patience, energy, and willingness to get out there and date or to have peace and intimacy in your home, you need to refuel your love and energy tank daily. It’s not enough to have one day each week or once a month when you go get your hair or nails done, have lunch with a friend, or sit down to read a book. You are living every day, which means you’re giving every day – usually to other people – so it’s important that you put yourself on your list of things to take care of every single day! It may feel difficult or uncomfortable when you first begin, especially if you’re not used to doing anything for yourself, but trust me, once you get used to it, you will see what a difference it makes for you and for the people around you when you are feeling happy, rested, and cared for!
Ditch the guilt!
The guilt you feel when you do something for yourself is self-imposed. And if you are allowing others around you to make you feel guilty, then just know it’s only because you’ve probably trained them to do so, because you haven’t made yourself and your happiness one of your priorities. We teach people how to treat us, and, once your friends, family, and/or begin to see that you are making your happiness and well-being a priority, don’t be surprised if they start to treat you with more Tender Loving Care, too!
Chances are very high that every woman reading this has someone or something for whom she is mainly responsible. And, just to be clear, I’m in no way saying that you should only focus on yourself to the detriment of those around you. What I am saying is that, loving, giving, and caring for others takes time, energy, and patience – none of which are available to us when we’re constantly on “empty” and running on fumes. Denying yourself pleasure and fun doesn’t make you more loving, and it certainly doesn’t make you more lovable. So, to experience the joy of loving and being loved freely and abundantly do yourself and those around you a huge favor, and do what you can every day to make sure your love and energy meter is always on “full”!
Comments? Questions? Let us know below! We love hearing from you!
by heartsdesireintl | Nov 10, 2013 | Dating, Heart's Desire International, Love, Marriage, Relationship Advice, Success
by Gladys Diaz
“Survey says…”
Now this you may find surprising! According to a Citi/LinkedIn survey that was published earlier this week:
When it comes to defining success, men place more emphasis on marriage and children: 79% of men equate “having it all” with being in a “strong, loving marriage” vs. only 66% of women who feel the same. And when it comes to kids, 86% of men factor children into their definition of success vs. 73% of women.
I have to say I was a bit surprised when I read those statistics! But not really…
I’ve spoken to women from all over the world and time and time again, I hear how they are not ready to start dating because they’re building their businesses, moving up in their careers, and, many times, afraid that men will feel too “intimidated” by their success to want to be in a relationship with them.
That’s where I have to stop them!
Of course, it’s your choice to focus on whatever you want to focus! It’s your life and you get to create it any which way you’d like. However, I want to make something crystal clear:
You do not have to choose between having an amazing, profitable career or an extraordinary lifelong romance. You can have it all!
An empowered choice is one in which you choose what you want, simply because you choose it. Not because you think it’s the way it has to be. Not because you are afraid that you can’t have everything your heart desires. And certainly not because you think you’d have to settle for anything less than what you want and deserve!
If one of the desires of your heart is to be in a happy, loving, fulfilling relationship that leads to marriage and perhaps a family, do not pretend that that’s not what you really want.
Don’t put it off. Don’t be “reasonable” or practical about it. But don’t be naïve and think it’s “just going to happen,” either!
Just as you are willing to do what it takes to move up in your career, build your business and live the lifestyle you want to live, know that it’s going to take some effort on your part to attract and meet a man who is going to love and accept you and who wants to share your life – not because your life is not already complete – but because he wants to enhance and make it even better with you!
So, if you want to improve your career or business, then join me this Wednesday and Thursday, November 13th and 14th at the Women’s Success Summit VIII, where the theme is “Show Me the Money,” and we will! (You can use the code HeartsDesire at checkout to save 20% and you’ll be helping me get a 5-minute on-stage commercial!).
And, if your definition of success also includes being in a loving, passionate relationship, them make sure you connect with us so that we can talk about how you can begin to attract and create the love of your dreams!
Already in a relationship? Then let’s talk about how to take both your career and your marriage to the next level of amazing!
Here’s the deal, you were created to love, to succeed, and to be happy. Don’t settle for anything less!
Create and live a life you absolutely love!
Comments? Questions? Let us know below! We love hearing from you!
Click here to read more about the Citi/LinkedIn survey.
Image courtesy of FreeDigitalPhotos.net
by heartsdesireintl | Nov 8, 2013 | Dating, Forgiveness, Heart's Desire International, Love, Marriage, Relationship Advice, Self-Love
by Gladys Diaz
Be happy with being you. Love your flaws. Own your quirks. And know that you are just as perfect as anyone else, exactly as you are.
~ Ariana Grande
I remember there was a time in my life where I wasn’t really happy being me. During my teenage years, my mom was married to a man who was physically abusive. There was a lot of violence and alcoholism in our home, and I was terrified of anyone – family or friends – finding out what we were going through.
So, for many years I pretended that everything was fine. I always had a smile on my face, was perky and positive. No one would have ever guessed that several nights a week the police had to be called, that there were times when we had to ask neighbors for food so that my sisters and I would have something to eat, or that I often wished I could disappear and become someone else – anyone else but who I was.
Those years took a toll on my self-esteem. Even after my sisters and I were removed from that living situation, I was still afraid that people would know why we lived with our uncle and aunt and why our little sister had to live with her dad. So, I kept pretending. I never let anyone see me cry. I pretended to be strong and have it all together. I fell for the wrong type of guy and believed him when he said that no one else would ever love me. I sincerely believed that if someone knew how “messed up” I was, what all my flaws were, that they would reject and leave me.
It wasn’t until I began to accept myself, to forgive – yes, my mom, stepfather, and ex-boyfriend, but also myself, for all of the mistakes and poor choices I’d made – that I began to see that there was nothing “wrong” with me. I am just as wonderful anyone else! I don’t have to do or be anyone or anything other than who I am. Who I am is more than enough! And who I am is already lovable!
I am just as wonderful anyone else! I don’t have to do or be anyone or anything other than who I am. Who I am is more than enough! And who I am is already lovable!
I don’t know if you can relate to the feeling of wondering whether or not who you are – with all of your assets, flaws, and quirks – is enough. Enough to be loved. Enough to be accepted. Wondering whether if the man who you’re dating or in love with were to discover “that thing” – whatever “that thing” is for you that you keep hidden, covered, and protected – would still choose to love you.
If that’s a thought floating around in your head, I want you really take in what you are about to read.
You are already whole, perfect, compete, and absolutely lovable, just the way you are!
You don’t have to pretend to be someone you’re not.
You don’t have to hide the things about you that you don’t want others to see or know.
The ability to unconditionally love and accept another and to receive unconditional love and acceptance truly begins with being willing to unconditionally love and accept yourself, first!
And I want you to know that the man who chooses to love you is going to love you – all of you. He’s going to love the silly quirks, like the fact that you cry during commercials; wish on a star, just in case it’s true that that works, and never leave an egg by itself in the carton so it won’t be lonely! (Yes, those are my quirks and Ric loves them!) He’s going to love the parts of you that you feel are not pretty or “perfect” enough. And his love will help you heal those parts of your heart that have been broken, dented, and bruised.
Yes, you can choose to change and grow and improve – but not in order to “fix” yourself or be deserving of love – just because you want to become an even more amazing version of you!
P.S. If this is something you struggle with really believing, we invite you to read the e-book we created with 30 other Heart Messengers titled 30 Days and 30 Ways to Fall In Love With YOU!: A Daily Journey to Discovering Self-Love!
Comments? Questions? Let us know below! We love hearing from you!
by heartsdesireintl | Nov 1, 2013 | Dating, Heart's Desire International, Love, Marriage, Relationship Advice
by Gladys Diaz
Yesterday was Halloween, which is probably one of the more fun holidays, because, for one day, you actually have permission to pretend to be someone other than who you really are!
While dressing up and pretending to be someone you’re not can make Halloween fun, it’s not such a great thing when it comes to dating and relationships. In fact, pretending can be exhausting, and it doesn’t give you or the other person the opportunity to discover whether he’d choose to be with you if you were actually being yourself.
If you want him to fall in love with you, be authentic.
If your online profile or the way you portray yourself to others – especially men – is not an authentic reflection of who you really are, it’s very unlikely that you’re going to attract the type of person who is going to want to create the type of relationship you really desire.
If, while on a date, you’re focusing on what you should say or do to “get him” to like you, instead of listening, responding, and letting him get to know a little bit about the real you, then it’s possible that he may get the feeling that you are holding back or that you don’t want to be there with him.
And, if you’re not being authentic about wanting to be in a committed relationship that leads to marriage; or you’re pretending to be okay with sleeping with him before there’s a real commitment or with living together before you’re engaged or married – or you are in any way, shape or form being untrue to yourself out of the fear that he won’t want to be with you if you share how you really feel, then on how solid a foundation are you building your relationship? And…
For how much longer are you willing to pretend to be someone you’re not?
Not only is pretending inauthentic and exhausting, but it’s likely that you’ll eventually begin to feel resentment. And that resentment will probably be displaced, where you’ll begin to feel resentment toward him for not accepting you the way you are, while what’s really happening is that you’re upset with yourself for not being confident enough to trust that the man who you’re choosing to be with will choose to want to be with and love you just the way you are.
The truth is that he can’t fall in love with you if you are not there.
So, rather than pretending to be someone you’re not or hiding how you feel and what is true for you, trust in the beauty of who you really are and know that Mr. Right-for-You is going to find you –with all the good, the bad, and the not-so-perfect parts– to be simply irresistible!
Questions? Comments? Let us know below! We love hearing from you!
Image courtesy of FreeDigitalPhotos.net
by heartsdesireintl | Oct 30, 2013 | Dating, Heart's Desire International, Intimacy, Love, Relationship Advice
by Gladys Diaz
Courage is like love; it must have hope for nourishment.
~ Napoleon Bonaparte
This past weekend, Michelle and I spoke at the 28th Singles’ Expo in Boca Raton, FL. We had a great time meeting some wonderful single women and seeing some of our clients at the event! We closed out the Seminars portion of the event with one of our favorite talks: “Dating FUN-damentals,” where we give both men and women tips for how to make dating exciting, fulfilling, and FUN!
At some point during tour talk, there was a magical moment where the connection between us and the men and women in the room was palpable. It’s one of those moments Michelle and I will never forget!
As we were driving back home, Michelle said to me, “Something magical happened in that room. I don’t know what it was or when it happened, but I felt it!”
I agreed with her, and we began trying to pinpoint when it was that the energy of the room shifted.
All of a sudden, I remembered!
“It was the moment when you acknowledged their courage!”
“Yes! That’s it!”
One of the things we like to do when we speak, is to invite members of the audience to ask questions. It gives us an opportunity to really connect with the people in the room, provide some coaching, and to answer some of their burning questions. During the Q&A session, one of the women who had not dated for a several years began to talk about how she felt she was ready to begin dating again. She shared some of her fears with us, and gave us the gift of being able to contribute to and make a difference for her and the other people in the room.
Before we moved on to the next question, Michelle did something beautiful. She began acknowledging, not just this woman, but every person in the room for their courage.
The courage to attend and event in the hopes of learning more about dating and relationships.
The courage to participate in the speed dating sessions and in the dance that would complete the night.
The courage to honor their desire to share their lives with someone else.
It was at that moment that the room was filled with so much love that I could actually feel it.
I noticed people looking at each other and smiling at one another in admiration. And Michelle and I both struggled to hold back our tears. It was one of those moments that you can’t plan for, you can’t “fake. It was one of those moments that “just happen.”
A moment of connection. A moment of shared intimacy.
And it’s those moments that make us so grateful for the privilege of doing what we do!
So, today, we honor you for your courage! For having the courage to hope and believe, and for the courage to take the steps and make the changes that will allow love to enter your life and heart!
Questions? Comments? Let us know below! We love hearing from you!
by heartsdesireintl | Oct 25, 2013 | breakups, Communication, Forgiveness, Heart's Desire International, Love, Marriage, Relationship Advice, Success
by Gladys Diaz
Yesterday was a real exercise for me in being willing to step outside of my comfort zone.
On Wednesday night, I worked into the wee hours of the morning on a big project, and quite frankly did not feel very perky or pretty on Thursday! I was tired and knew I had a long day ahead of me of phone calls, research, and a webinar I was presenting that night.
At about 3:30 in the afternoon I received a call from someone who works at a local TV station saying he needed to speak with me ASAP. I called him back and he wanted to know if I could come to the studio for a segment they were doing about the benefits of online dating. Immediately I said, “Yes, of course.” That’s when he told me I needed to be there in four hours! I thought it was an upcoming interview… Not one happening that night!
I tried to get out of it. I told him I was tired and that I could pack clothes in the bags under my eyes. I also told him I had to lead a webinar at 9:00 and the segment was not airing until 8:30, and that I was sorry, but I couldn’t see how it was going to work.
That’s when he said he’d send a car to pick me up and drop me off so that I would not have drive, that he’d have a makeup artist ready to greet me when I got there, and that he’d arrange for me to have a private conference room with Internet connection so that I could go upstairs after the interview and conduct my webinar.
I thought about cancelling my webinar, but I didn’t want to do that. If this was going to work for me, I needed to be able to have it all!
At that moment, I chose to do what wasn’t comfortable.
I hurried up and finished my work; got ready, dressed and out the door, and let the ladies who’d be attending the webinar know that we might start a few minutes late.
After the webinar, I rushed upstairs, sat in an office that wasn’t my comfy home office, battled with technology to get connected to the Internet, and started the webinar 20 minutes late. Not what I like or what I’m used to.
The webinar, however, went great. The ladies waited patiently for me to get set up and were so understanding about all of the glitches that took place. Everyone participated actively, and the insights they shared at the end of the night reminded me that everything I’d done that day was worth it!
When I got up to put my things away, I looked up and saw the frame that you see as the image on this page. It read:
“Life begins at the end of your comfort zone.”
~ Neal Diamond Walsh
So, what about you? Have you been willing to step out of your comfort zone?
Have you set up that online dating profile you’ve been putting off because you feel that online dating is “unnatural” or not your cup of tea, even though it might actually be fun and you might end up meeting the man of your dreams?
Have you started smiling and flirting whenever you’re out, even though it feels “weird” or you’re afraid of being rejected?
Have you chosen to forgive your husband or boyfriend? To let go of any resentments or judgments regarding what he “should” do to make things right between you?
Have you been willing to be open, vulnerable, and allow love to flow in, to, and through you?
If you have, great! I’m excited for you and would love to hear about how you’ve been able to break out of your comfort zone and create some amazing results!
If you haven’t, would you consider stepping out in faith?
Life happens right outside of our comfort zone, and there are miracles just waiting to be manifested and experienced by you!
So, go ahead! I dare you to be happy!
Questions? Comments? Let us know below! We love hearing from you!
