by heartsdesireintl | Feb 10, 2014 | breakups, Dating, Forgiveness, Heart's Desire International, heartache, Intimacy, Love, Marriage, Relationship Advice, Romance
by Gladys Diaz
Valentine’s Day is just days away, and, while this week can be fun and exciting for those who are in happy, healthy relationships or having a great time dating, it’s generally not the case for people who are feeling lonely.
Valentine’s Day can be a painful reminder of a relationship that has ended, a love that’s been lost, or of how much a relationship has changed. If you are feeling lonely this Valentine’s Day, there are a few things you can do to help transform this time from one of pain to one of hope and new beginnings.
If you’re single, and you’ve experienced a breakup or some other type of heartache, it can be difficult to work through all of the feelings of loss and pain. In fact, at times, you may feel paralyzed by fear and sadness, terrified to move forward and risk allowing anyone to get that close to you again.
Being stuck in the past only robs you of your ability to experience peace, happiness, and love. Staying stuck is a choice.
If you’re ready to leave the pain and heartache from a previous relationship in the past, join Michelle and me for the “Ready to Love Again” webinar we will be hosting on Thursday, February 13th* . On this free webinar, we will be looking at why it can be difficult to move past a heartbreaking experience and what you can do now to leave the past and the pain behind so that you can begin stepping into a new future filled with the love and happiness your heart desires and you deserve.
What if you’re feeling lonely and stuck inside of a relationship? Being in a relationship where you feel that you and your partner have begun to drift apart – or worse, that you’re at the point where you’re afraid there is no way to restore the love and intimacy in your relationship – can be frightening and extremely painful. Knowing that there is someone there with whom you used to share love, joy, and intimacy, but who now feels like he’s miles away, even when he’s in the same room, can be heart wrenching.
It’s easy to slip into anger and resentment, blaming him for everything that has gone and continues to go wrong. It can also be tempting to wonder whether it would be easier to just end the relationship once and for all. Of course, that is an option, but, if you love your husband or boyfriend, and you would like to know that you’ve done everything you could to make the relationship work, there are some steps you can take to begin shifting the dynamic in the relationship and restoring the intimacy you once had.
Remember why you fell in love with him in the first place.
Regardless of what has happened, there was a time where you knew in your heart this was the man with whom you wanted to share your life. Write a list of the things you loved and admired about him. Allow yourself to remember those qualities that made you smile, feel safe, and want to spend every moment you could with him. Then begin to look for evidence of those qualities. Chances are that if you choose to look at him through the eyes of admiration, rather than resentment, you’re likely to find that the man you fell in love with has been there all along.
Express your appreciation for him.
As you begin to gather evidence of those qualities that made you fall in love with him, let him know you notice them. If he does something kind, thoughtful, or chivalrous, thank him. If he goes out of his way to do something for you, thank him. Even if he does something differently than you would have, or if there is the slightest attempt made at pleasing you, thank him. The more gratitude and appreciation you begin to express, the more you let him know that you notice the little things, the more he’ll want to do for you and and the more of a change you’ll begin to experience in your relationship.
Forgive and release resentment.
Holding on to anger and resentment shuts out love and intimacy. It’s simply impossible to feel resentment and love at the same time. While he may have hurt or disappointed you in some way, if you are choosing to stay, you’re going to need to choose to forgive. Otherwise, all you are doing is punishing yourself right along with him. Remember that forgiveness does not mean you are condoning or agreeing with what happened. You’re simply choosing to let go of the pain, anger, and resentment that has been filling the space where love and intimacy used to live.
It can feel difficult taking these first steps, because you feel so vulnerable. However, vulnerability is the key to intimacy, and it’s going to take that and courage to make a real shift in your relationship. If you need support or encouragement to begin, reach out to us and let us know. We’d be happy to help you on the path of restoring the love and intimacy you once shared this Valentine’s Day and beyond!
And, if you’re single, remember to register now for the free “Ready to Love Again” webinar we’ll be hosting this Thursday, February 13th!
No matter where you are right now in your love life, you can take the steps now to make this Valentine’s Day the last one you spend alone and feeling lonely!
Comments? Questions? Let us know below! We love hearing from you!
Image courtesy of FreeDigitalPhotos.net
by heartsdesireintl | Feb 5, 2014 | breakups, Dating, Heart's Desire International, heartache, Love, Marriage, Relationship Advice
by Gladys Diaz
Saturday was a big day for my older son. He crossed over from being a Cub Scout to being a Boy Scout. Not only that, but he was recognized for two high achievements, The Arrow of Light, which is the highest achievement a Cub Scout can earn, and Super Achiever, which means he earned all 20 activity pins before his Arrow of Light ceremony. You can imagine the tears of pride and joy that were streaming down my face – not just because of the achievements, but because, as I sat there, I reminisced about all of the challenges he went through to get there.
See, those of you who know a little bit about me know that my son has a mild form of Autism called Asperger’s Syndrome, which impacts primarily his social skills. Being in large groups, dealing with changes in schedules, and even knowing how to start/end a conversation do not come easily for him. As I sat there, I remembered the times he walked up to strangers and asked them if they wanted to buy popcorn, and dealing with hearing “No” over and over again. I remembered him facing his fears and completing difficult challenges. I remembered him sleeping alone in a tent for the first time, and how, while I was only a few feet away, I could barely sleep, thinking of him being in there all by himself.
As my son began to cross the tight rope bridge that symbolized him having faced and overcome yet another hurdle, he slipped and fell…
My heart stopped and broke at the same time. I heard a few snickers. I felt my heart break a little more. I tried to smile and act as if it wasn’t a big deal, but all I wanted to do was run over there, pick him up, and get him off that bridge and into my arms, where he would be safe.
Instead, I stood there and watched him get back up with the help of the leaders around him. I watched him take one careful step after another, working through the fear and embarrassment he was feeling, until he made it all the way to the other side.
When he got off the ropes, he came straight into my arms and he broke down. I whispered how proud of him I was. I asked him why he was crying (I knew why I was crying), and he said he was embarrassed and proud of himself at the same time. And he said he didn’t want to talk about it, so I didn’t. I just let him be.
This wasn’t the memory I wanted him to have of his big crossover day. I wished I had a “rewind” button to have him start over again and get across the bridge without falling. But that fall was symbolic of everything he went through. It was part of his journey. And, despite the pain he was in, he was strong and courageous enough to get back up in front of all of those people and walk across to the other side.
I think I was more proud of that of all the other achievements.
So, what about you?
Where have you fallen along the way on your own love journey?
Did you choose to love someone who you thought was perfect for you, only to have your heart broken?
Did you stay in a relationship much longer than you should have, in hopes that he would change and things would get better?
Did you leave a relationship before reaching out for help to see if there was something you could have done to transform the relationship?
Are you still at the other side of your own tight rope bridge, stuck and about to give up on yourself and the possibility of you having the type of loving relationship you dream of?
If this is you, and you’re ready to reach your hand out for help and allow us to help you walk across the bridge to the other side, we’re opening 4 spots in our schedule next week to speak with you. The first 4 people to respond to this post will get one of these spots.
So, go ahead! Take a stand for yourself and respond to this post if you’re ready to get started!
by heartsdesireintl | Jan 31, 2014 | Communication, Dating, Heart's Desire International, Marriage, Relationship Advice, Self-Love
by Gladys Diaz
Recently, I was working with a client who was frustrated about the fact that her long-term boyfriend had not proposed. Who can blame her? When you invest a lot of time – months, years, sometimes decades – to a relationship and it doesn’t seem to be moving forward or to be working out, it’s not unusual to begin to feel angry and resentful toward the other person. And it’s tempting to begin to blame him for the choice you made to stay in the relationship.
While it’s possible that promises were made that had you continue to stay in the relationship – such as him promising that he would propose, and it never happened – the choice to stay inside of a dead-end relationship is completely yours. You get to decide just how long you are willing to wait. And you also are the one who decides how long you are willing to put your dreams, your happiness, and your life on hold, waiting for him to pop the question.
I’m not saying that it’s “easy” to walk away from a relationship, especially if you really love the person. It’s going to take courage to stand for yourself and your dreams. But if you won’t stand for your dreams, who will?
One mistake women make is to begin to dish out ultimatums, such as:
“If you want to be with me, then you need to propose and give me a ring.”
“If you want us to be together, then we have to go to counseling.”
“If you want us to get back together, then _____.”
The problem with issuing ultimatums is that they suck the love, romance, and joy right out of the proposal. Think about it this way: Do you want him to propose because he feels he has to, or because he can’t imagine living his life without you in it?
Issuing ultimatums backs the other person into a corner, and, even if you do get the proposal you want, you will never truly know for sure whether he is marrying you because he really wants to.
And, by the way, this holds true for situations other than proposals. If you’re trying to get your husband to help you around the house, take you on a vacation, or start a family, and you’re doing that by threatening to leave him, giving him the silent treatment, or withholding sex, you may get what you want, but I promise it won’t be as fulfilling as if you knew that he was doing these things because he wants nothing more than to see you happy.
So, what are the alternatives to issuing ultimatums?
- Be clear about what you want. Once you know what it is you want, it’s easy to communicate that to you partner. Let your partner know that you love him and that, for you to be truly happy, you need to be married. Let him know that while you would love to spend your life with him, you know that may not be what he wants, but that it is what you want. Then stop talking. If you don’t, it highly likely that you will slip “convincing mode,” and there will be a temptation to start getting emotional and angry, and issue an ultimatum.
- Realize that he may not want what you want. Just because you want to be married doesn’t mean that he wants that, too. If you’re with a man who loves and wants to take care of you, there’s a high probability that he’ll want to do what he can to please you and that he wants to spend his life with you. But there’s also a chance that he may want something different, and that doesn’t mean that either one of you is right or wrong. You simply want something different.
- Know when it’s time for you to let go. Before you have this conversation, know how much longer you’re willing to stay in the relationship before moving on. However, don’t share this time frame with him, because then you’ve created a deadline, which means you just issued an ultimatum. This is your timeline for yourself.
Once you’ve expressed that you would like to be married without issuing an ultimatum, if there’s still no movement toward marriage after the amount of time that feels right for you, you’re going to have to be courageous enough to let go. This means it’s time stop putting your life and your happiness on hold, time to move on, and make space for the man who is going to want to commit to spending the rest of his life with you. This does not diminish or lessen any of the love that the two of you shared. You are simply choosing to stand for your happiness and create space for what you want to come into your life.
In case you’re wondering whether or not this really works. Remember the client I mentioned at the beginning of the post?
After a few coaching sessions, she had the conversation I described above with her boyfriend. She waited the amount of time she’d decided she was willing to wait making sure not to keep bringing it up, hinting, or reminding him. What happened? Right before her time frame was up, she got the proposal she had been waiting on for years!
They were married last week and she gets to live the rest of her life knowing that he asked her to marry him because he wanted to, and not because she forced him to!
Here’s to you living the life and love your heart desires!
Questions? Comments? Let us know below. We love hearing from you!
by heartsdesireintl | Jan 1, 2014 | Dating, Heart's Desire International, Intimacy, Love, Relationship Advice, Success
As 2013 comes to an end and we ring in 2014, Michelle and I want to wish you a very Happy New Year!
We know that the end of the year can fill you with a mixture of disappointment at not having accomplished everything you wanted to experience this year, along with excitement about what may be possible in the upcoming one.
No matter where you are in terms of your 2013 love and relationship goals, we want you to start 2014 open to a a whole new world of possibilities and the fresh start you need to make your dreams come true. This is why we will be hosting a FREE Love and Intimacy Resolutions teleconference call on Thursday, January 9th at 9:00pm ET.
On this call, you will:
- identify and bring closure to the fears, resentments and regrets that have kept you from achieving your love and intimacy goals
- create and declare what the relationship of your dreams will look like in 2014
- identify the steps you need to take to make those dreams come true!
We’re excited about 2014 and all of the magic and miracles that we’re going to create, and we want the same for you!
Imagine what it will feel like on December 31, 2014, when you look back on the Love and Intimacy resolutions you set in January and the happiness you will feel at knowing that not only did keep them, but that the the life and love you’re experiencing are beyond your wildest dreams!
Join us on Thursday, January 9th, and begin making 2014 The Year of Love and Intimacy for YOU!
Date: Thursday, January 9, 2014
Time: 9:00pm ET
Cost: FREE
Call-in Details will be sent shortly after you submit your information here.
by heartsdesireintl | Dec 20, 2013 | Dating, Heart's Desire International, Love, Marriage, Relationship Advice, Self-Love
by Gladys Diaz
As the end of the year fast-approaches, it’s easy to feel either really excited or upset. If this year has been one where you have realized a lot of the goals you set out to accomplish at the beginning of the year, it can be exciting to look back and see how far you’ve come and look forward to setting new goals that take you even further in the upcoming year.
If you haven’t done many (or any) of the things you committed to doing at the beginning of the year, then it can be a depressing, and you may think that there’s nothing you can do in just two short weeks. This thought process can stop you from wanting to set goals – or dream new dreams – in the upcoming year.
That’s where you’d be wrong!
Think about it. How many times in your life have you stopped yourself just short of reaching a goal or making a dream come true because you were afraid that it’s too late? That you blew it? That nothing is going change, anyway?
All of these thoughts are just your brain’s way of doing its job to protect you. What is it protecting you from? From your fear of being hurt and disappointed. And nowhere does this fear show up more than when it comes to the area of love and relationships!
The fear stems from the deep-rooted belief that, while true love may exist, it doesn’t really exist for you.
I don’t often use the word “wrong,” but I have to use it for a second time in this message, especially when it comes to this point!
The truth is that you were created to love and be loved.
You were not created, not to spend your life alone or feeling unhappy inside of a relationship.
You were created with the primary purpose of living, giving, and experiencing love!
It’s your birthright.
You are not the one person on the planet who was created without that intention.
So, why is it so difficult for you to believe that?
Probably because somewhere in your past – whether it was recently or very long ago – you had the experience of feeling unloved.
So you made a decision.
You decided that you didn’t deserve love. And you may have even decided that you did deserve the pain you were experiencing.
Inside of that decision, it becomes difficult – almost impossible – for you to ever allow another person to get that close and risk allowing someone else to have that much ability to ever hurt you ever again.
It also becomes very easy to associate love with pain, disappointment, and “suffering,” which could lead to you attracting one heartache after another into your life.
Either way, the result is the same: You block love.
You resist love. Even when the possibility of having a healthy, happy, intimate relationship presents itself, you won’t see it. You won’t allow yourself to see it.
So, what can you do to begin letting love into your heart?
- Accept that you deserve love. This isn’t about “fooling yourself” or telling yourself something to make yourself feel better. It’s about really embracing and accepting the idea that you are love-able: able to love and be loved.
- Release the past so that you can create a new future. The stronger you hold on to that pain and disappointment from the past, the thicker the wall between you and experiencing the love you deserve becomes. It can be scary to let go of the past, simply because you’d have to acknowledge that whatever happened already happened and is no longer happening. And you’d have to have the courage to accept that something new – something different – is possible for you!
- If either (or both) of the two points above feel almost impossible for you, then reach out for help. You are not in this alone and you don’t have to do it alone. Being vulnerable enough to reach out for help is not a sign of weakness.
Reaching out for help is a sign of strength – the type of strength that it takes to transform yourself and your life so that you can finally begin to experience the love and dreams you’ve been longing for.
I think that it goes without saying that we’re here to help you, if you are ready to shed the layers of pain, fear and doubt, and begin working with someone who has not only been where you are, but who has made it to the other side!
Michelle and I have overcome so much throughout our lives – neglect, poverty, infidelity, divorce, and the loss of a spouse. And, yet, in spite of those odds, we’ve figured out how to create the type of relationships that once existed only in our dreams! That’s because we don’t just talk or coach about how to attract and create a great relationship “in theory.” We live what we teach in our lives and our relationships each and every day! And we’d love for you to have that same type of experience in your own life!
So, whether you are single or already in a relationship, if you’re ready to begin working with a coach who can help you create your dream relationship, set up a time to speak with one of us. We have a few appointment times available around the holidays, and we’d love to save one for you!
Comments? Questions? Let us know below! We love hearing from you!
Image courtesy of FreeDigitalPhotos.net
