Loneliness can be a difficult feeling to be with, especially during the holidays.
There’s a difference, however, between spending time alone and feeling lonely. It can be nice when you have time and space to yourself (Those of us with kids know what a rare luxury that can be!). Alone time can feel comforting. It can be relaxing to focus on yourself; do what you want when you want to do it; reflect, plan and dream.
But loneliness is another feeling altogether.
Loneliness can feel empty, painful, and depressing. During times of loneliness, we can mistakenly feel as if there is no one out there who thinks about, cares for, and loves us – even if we are completely surrounded by people who continuously let us know that we are, indeed, not alone.
Loneliness when you’re single can be difficult, particularly during the holidays. There are parties and gatherings to attend, there’s a feeling of wanting to share these moments with someone else – someone other than family and platonic friends. And then there’s the thought of the upcoming New Year (not to mention that midnight kiss on New Year’s Eve).
Loneliness when you are in a relationship can feel just has empty and painful. Knowing that there is someone with whom you could be sharing those moments, but, because of distance – whether that’s physical or emotional – you’re unable (or he’s unwilling) to, can be heartbreaking.
So, what can you do when you’re feeling lonely?
Focus on the people in your life who love you.
I’m not talking about “kidding yourself,” just to make yourself feel better. I’m talking about really taking stock of the people who truly love you and are there for you. Even though it’s not the romantic type of love that your heart desires, it’s important to acknowledge, accept, and appreciate the love that is already surrounding you so that you can be ready to welcome more in!
One of the keys to receiving more of what you want is to be grateful for what you already have, so take the time to notice the love that is already there, and let the people in your life know that you love them, too!
If you’re feeling lonely inside of a relationship, take some time to think about what you can do to shift the tide. It’s going to take some vulnerability to make the first move and let down your guard, but if you really want things to change, you’ve got to be willing to take the risk. And, many times, the other person has been doing the same thing you have – waiting for you to make the first move – and all they need is a signal to know it’s safe to start growing closer again.
Forgive.
Sometimes, the reason certain people are not in our lives has less to do with physical distance and more to do with emotional distance caused by resentment and the unwillingness to forgive.
Forgiveness does not mean that you are condone or approve of whatever the person did to hurt you. It just means you’re no longer willing to allow that situation to cause you anger and pain or to keep you from the ones you love.
If what happened is too painful for you to allow the person back into your life, you don’t have to. But, at the very least, forgive them in your heart and make room for love to fill the space the resentment has been taking up. If you were the one responsible for the transgression, consider gathering the courage to apologize. It’s no guarantee that the other person will allow you back into his/her life, but at least you will have cleared the space for that possibility.
Make plans with the people with whom you’d like to spend time.
Waiting for people to invite you to go out or attend an event may result in you spending more time than you would like to alone. It may also be a matter of pride and not being willing to be vulnerable enough to let people know that you’d like to spend time with them. If you know there are people in your life with whom you’d like to spend some time, call them up, invite them out or to a party you’re hosting or would like to attend, or just to have a cup of coffee and catch up with them. You’re the one responsible for your happiness, so avoid staying home alone to prove just how lonely you are!
Reach out, connect with, and let the people in your life know that you love them, too!
And, if the people you reach out already have other plans, remember not to take it personally. Instead, schedule time together after the holidays. It will give you something to look forward to!
Spend time taking care of others.
One of the most fulfilling ways to release feelings of sadness and loneliness is to care for others. Whether you volunteer to serve meals, collect or hand out presents, or visit people in the hospital or a nursing home, you will come away recognizing just how blessed you already are.
Giving love is another wonderful way to attract love – since like attracts like – so look for ways to give the gift of love to someone who may need it now more than ever!
Fill your alone time doing things you love.
Even if you begin connecting and reconnecting with the people in your life, it’s likely that there are times when you are alone. Remember that alone time can be good for you, allowing you to pamper yourself and replenish your mind, body and spirit. So, make sure you’re doing at least one or two things a day that are just for you. Make a list of the things you enjoy doing, that relax you, and that make you feel loved and alive!
Giving love to others is one way to attract love, but so is loving ourselves!
For those of you who live in South Florida, a great way to connect with other amazing women is happening this Thursday, December 12th, at the South Florida Women’s Expo! Michelle and I will be talking about how to have it ALL in life AND love. And, not only will there be lots of great food, drinks, and shopping opportunities, but there will also be several women’s organizations and activities represented, and you may find one you’d in which you’d like to participate!
Loneliness can be difficult, especially during the holidays, but if you make this season a reason to reach out to and connect with others, you will come away feeling more love – and more loved – than you if you choose to spend it alone.
And, remember, the more love you give and receive, the more you will attract into your life!
If you have an idea for overcoming loneliness, especially during the holidays, please leave it below! We’d love to hear and share it!
Now this you may find surprising! According to a Citi/LinkedIn survey that was published earlier this week:
When it comes to defining success, men place more emphasis on marriage and children: 79% of men equate “having it all” with being in a “strong, loving marriage” vs. only 66% of women who feel the same. And when it comes to kids, 86% of men factor children into their definition of success vs. 73% of women.
I have to say I was a bit surprised when I read those statistics! But not really…
I’ve spoken to women from all over the world and time and time again, I hear how they are not ready to start dating because they’re building their businesses, moving up in their careers, and, many times, afraid that men will feel too “intimidated” by their success to want to be in a relationship with them.
That’s where I have to stop them!
Of course, it’s your choice to focus on whatever you want to focus! It’s your life and you get to create it any which way you’d like. However, I want to make something crystal clear:
You do not have to choose between having an amazing, profitable career or an extraordinary lifelong romance. You can have it all!
An empowered choice is one in which you choose what you want, simply because you choose it. Not because you think it’s the way it has to be. Not because you are afraid that you can’t have everything your heart desires. And certainly not because you think you’d have to settle for anything less than what you want and deserve!
If one of the desires of your heart is to be in a happy, loving, fulfilling relationship that leads to marriage and perhaps a family, do not pretend that that’s not what you really want.
Don’t put it off. Don’t be “reasonable” or practical about it. But don’t be naïve and think it’s “just going to happen,” either!
Just as you are willing to do what it takes to move up in your career, build your business and live the lifestyle you want to live, know that it’s going to take some effort on your part to attract and meet a man who is going to love and accept you and who wants to share your life – not because your life is not already complete – but because he wants to enhance and make it even better with you!
So, if you want to improve your career or business, then join me this Wednesday and Thursday, November 13th and 14th at the Women’s Success Summit VIII, where the theme is “Show Me the Money,” and we will! (You can use the code HeartsDesire at checkout to save 20% and you’ll be helping me get a 5-minute on-stage commercial!).
And, if your definition of success alsoincludes being in a loving, passionate relationship, them make sure you connect with us so that we can talk about how you can begin to attract and create the love of your dreams!
Already in a relationship? Then let’s talk about how to take both your career and your marriage to the next level of amazing!
Here’s the deal, you were created to love, to succeed, and to be happy. Don’t settle for anything less!
Create and live a life you absolutely love!
Comments? Questions? Let us know below! We love hearing from you!
Be happy with being you. Love your flaws. Own your quirks. And know that you are just as perfect as anyone else, exactly as you are.
~ Ariana Grande
I remember there was a time in my life where I wasn’t really happy being me. During my teenage years, my mom was married to a man who was physically abusive. There was a lot of violence and alcoholism in our home, and I was terrified of anyone – family or friends – finding out what we were going through.
So, for many years I pretended that everything was fine. I always had a smile on my face, was perky and positive. No one would have ever guessed that several nights a week the police had to be called, that there were times when we had to ask neighbors for food so that my sisters and I would have something to eat, or that I often wished I could disappear and become someone else – anyone else but who I was.
Those years took a toll on my self-esteem. Even after my sisters and I were removed from that living situation, I was still afraid that people would know why we lived with our uncle and aunt and why our little sister had to live with her dad. So, I kept pretending. I never let anyone see me cry. I pretended to be strong and have it all together. I fell for the wrong type of guy and believed him when he said that no one else would ever love me. I sincerely believed that if someone knew how “messed up” I was, what all my flaws were, that they would reject and leave me.
It wasn’t until I began to accept myself, to forgive – yes, my mom, stepfather, and ex-boyfriend, but also myself, for all of the mistakes and poor choices I’d made – that I began to see that there was nothing “wrong” with me. I am just as wonderful anyone else! I don’t have to do or be anyone or anything other than who I am. Who I am is more than enough! And who I am is already lovable!
I am just as wonderful anyone else! I don’t have to do or be anyone or anything other than who I am. Who I am is more than enough! And who I am is already lovable!
I don’t know if you can relate to the feeling of wondering whether or not who you are – with all of your assets, flaws, and quirks – is enough. Enough to be loved. Enough to be accepted. Wondering whether if the man who you’re dating or in love with were to discover “that thing” – whatever “that thing” is for you that you keep hidden, covered, and protected – would still choose to love you.
If that’s a thought floating around in your head, I want you really take in what you are about to read.
You are already whole, perfect, compete, and absolutely lovable, just the way you are!
You don’t have to pretend to be someone you’re not.
You don’t have to hide the things about you that you don’t want others to see or know.
The ability to unconditionally love and accept another and to receive unconditional love and acceptance truly begins with being willing to unconditionally love and accept yourself, first!
And I want you to know that the man who chooses to love you is going to love you – all of you. He’s going to love the silly quirks, like the fact that you cry during commercials; wish on a star, just in case it’s true that that works, and never leave an egg by itself in the carton so it won’t be lonely! (Yes, those are my quirks and Ric loves them!) He’s going to love the parts of you that you feel are not pretty or “perfect” enough. And his love will help you heal those parts of your heart that have been broken, dented, and bruised.
Yes, you can choose to change and grow and improve – but not in order to “fix” yourself or be deserving of love – just because you want to become an even more amazing version of you!
As I mentioned in my previous post, this past week I attended a Mastermind meeting that was led by my business coach with over 80 other entrepreneurs. One of the assignments we were given prior to the meeting was to be ready to present a 2-minute talk on stage. To say that I was terrified is quite the understatement!
As soon as I read those instructions – and the sentence stating that we couldn’t ask any questions regarding the assignment – I went into full-out panic mode. In an instant, all of my fears, doubts and insecurities came bubbling up to the surface. I was even angry that we were not only being told what we needed to do, but that we weren’t being given any directions except to “breathe” and do our best!
I put off working on my talk all week long. I got really “busy” doing a bunch of other stuff. It wasn’t until I landed in California and someone mentioned the assignment that I decided it would probably be a good idea to at least write something down. But nothing came. I couldn’t think of anything to write, or say on stage. And I was certain that my coach was going to call me on stage, I was going to bomb big time, and she was going to tear me apart in front of everyone!
My plan: To avoid eye contact with her and refuse to go up if she called on me!
Pretty wimpy, huh? Especially for someone who talks to women about facing and overcoming their fears!
So, as usually happens during moments like this in my life, I thought of you.
I thought about what I would ask you to help you to see what it was you are really afraid of.
Are you afraid of not ever having what you really want?
Or are you afraid that you might actually get what you really want? (Sometimes, this can be just as scary as the fear of not getting what we want!)
I realized that I was afraid of “looking bad” and that, if I didn’t do it perfectly, it meant that I wouldn’t be able to succeed – ever. I was terrified that I’d been wasting my time and that my dreams were never really going to come true.
And then, for a split second, I thought about how scary it would be if having what I want was really possible! That would mean that having the life and business that I want is completely up to me! That I would have to be responsible and be willing to do the work that it takes to make those dreams come true.
That’s what I was really afraid of!
I thought about how I’d encourage you to face your fear and do it anyway.
I thought about how I’d say to you:
That fear? It’s just a thought. It’s not even “the truth”!
It’s just a reminder of something that happened in the past – something that is not happening now. It’s not real.
I thought about how many times I’ve allowed my fears to stop me. How the fear of repeating a mistake from the past has kept me from stepping out into a new future. And how, I’ve always ended up regretting not having stepped up.
It was then that I began to sense something stirring inside of me. What was it?
Was it the determination not to have that happen again? Was it the unwillingness to remain stagnant? Was that courage bubbling up inside of me?
I thought about how courageous you are when you are willing to take a risk and be vulnerable.
I thought about how you inspire me when are courageous enough to step outside of your comfort zone and have a breakthrough that completely transforms your life.
I thought about the joy that I feel when you tell me how amazing you feel now that you have everything you’ve dreamed of and how you really didn’t believe it could happen sometimes, but you trusted me and yourself, and you did it anyway!
I thought about you…
And then, instead of waiting to be called on…
I raised my hand!
And I kept raising it… until my coach pointed at me… and I made my way to the stage!
I’d love to say that I wasn’t nervous. That when I stepped on the stage I felt confident and everything came out exactly the way that I’d planned.
The truth is that I was shaking so hard I thought the people in the front row could see it! I was so nervous that I felt as if I couldn’t take a complete breath. But the longer I stood on the stage, the stronger I felt and the words began to flow! And the feedback I was terrified of getting from my coach? It was constructive – meant to build me up, not tear me down – and I used it, right then and there, on the stage! It was amazing! I felt so empowered!
So, thank you!
Thank you for the difference you allow me to make in your life and for the incredible difference you make in mine. I’m so grateful our paths have crossed and that we’re part of one another’s journey.
And the next time you’re afraid – of admitting that you want to be in a loving, intimate relationship; of going out on a date with someone new; of apologizing to your boyfriend or husband for having said or done something you wish you hadn’t; of allowing yourself to love and be loved – I hope you’ll think of meand that you’ll be inspired to move past your fear so that you can experience the life and love your heart desires!
Question? Comments? Let us know below! We love hearing from you!
This weekend, I had the privilege of being invited to speak on a panel at the 2013 Niche Parent Conference. While I was very honored by the invitation, I was also terrified! See, the topic on which I was asked to speak was not dating or relationships – well, at least not the romantic relationships I’m used to speaking about. I was invited to talk about how we’ve used Heart’s Desire International’s Facebook page to connect with our community, establish relationships with our readers and clients, and build our business and our brand.
To say that I felt like I was stepping outside of my comfort zone is a huge understatement! First of all, I’m not a Facebook expert, we don’t have thousands of followers on our page, and I was speaking to an audience of experienced bloggers who may have already known some of the things I was going to share. I was so terrified that two days before the conference I was ready to let the person who invited me know that I just couldn’t do it.
Thankfully, a good friend of mine got me to see (ironically, via a Facebook chat) that I wasn’t invited to speak as a Facebook expert or because of the number of “Likes” on my page. She helped me realize that, while we may not have a ton of “Likes” on our page, we use our page to touch Lives, and that lives are heck of a lot more important than “Likes”!
It was at that moment that I saw clearly how I’d been letting my fear keep me from stepping out and doing something that felt uncomfortable for me. So, what did I do? I thought of YOU! I thought of my readers and my clients and how I’m constantly inviting you to step outside of your comfort zone and not allow your fears to stop you from having the loving, intimate relationship your heart desires. I thought about how I invite and challenge you to take steps that are aligned with your goals and dreams, because it’s what you deserve! And I thought about the types of results you have when you choose to trust me and yourselves and take those risks! So… I chose to follow my own advice!
Here’s a quick video message I shot for you on the terrace of the hotel, sharing what I did to move past my fears, step outside of my own comfort zone, and take a risk that was aligned with my goals!
Thanks again for the inspiration and for being a part of my journey!
P.S. If you haven’t done so yet, please stop by and “Like” our Facebook page! We share inspirational quotes and messages daily, as well as articles, resources, and advice about love, hope and relationships!
Questions? Comments? Let us know below! We love hearing from you!
A very special thanks to Nadia Jones (TheNicheMommy.com) and Parker Lake (Certatim) for the invitation to speak on the panel, Caroline Murphy (SmartyPantsMama.com) for her session on v-logging, which inspired me to get out of another comfort zone and make this on-the-spot video, and all of the mommy bloggers and speakers who inspired me during this amazing conference!
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