by heartsdesireintl | Aug 30, 2013 | breakups, Communication, Dating, Heart's Desire International, Intimacy, Love, Marriage, Relationship Advice
by Gladys Diaz
“If don’t ask me to marry you, then we need to break up.”
“If we don’t go to counseling, it’s over.”
“If you really loved me, you would…”
Ultimatums.
They give the person extending them a false sense of power. Why is it a false sense of power? Well, think about it. When you tell someone what he needs to do or say in order for you to be happy and have what you want, are you really the one with the power?
No.
You’ve basically handed over the power to have what you want to another person. You’ve made your happiness contingent upon the other person’s choice.
Think of it this way. Let’s say you’ve been dating someone for a long time and, while it’s all nice, the relationship clearly not going anywhere. If you know that in order for you to be happy, you want to be in a committed relationship that ultimately leads to marriage, then you are the one with a choice to make. Not him. Now, you can definitely let him know that you would like to be married, but you wouldn’t tell him that if he wants to stay with you, he needs to want the same thing.
You’d simply say something like, “I’d really like to be married” – not “I’d really like to marry you” or “If you want to stay together, then I need to know that our relationship is leading to marriage.”
The last two statements make your choice hinge upon what he wants. Plus, if he did propose to you because you threatened to leave him, you’d never really know whether he would have chosen to ask you himself. Not because he was afraid of losing you, but because he couldn’t imagine spending the rest of his life without you!
In saying, “I’d like to be married,” you are owning your choice and your happiness. The word “you” (meaning him) is not even in that statement, because this is your desire.
The same holds true if you’re in a relationship or marriage. Telling your boyfriend or husband what he needs to do in order for you to be happy is manipulative and inauthentic. It’s a way to separate yourself from your own desires so that you don’t have to be vulnerable and share what you want for yourself.
Saying “We need to go to counseling, or it’s over” rather than “I’d like to go to counseling” is more about instilling fear in the other person. It also sends the message that, unless the other person does something to “fix” or change himself, the relationship simply won’t work. This message of “you need to change or be ‘fixed’” is what has most men resist the idea in the first place. Who the heck wants to go sit in an office with a stranger for an hour and listen to all of the things they’re doing wrong?
Saying “We need to go to counseling” also keeps you from committing to make the changes you can make that would make a difference in the relationship, because you’re hinging your willingness to change on his.
So, rather than throwing around ultimatums and giving away your power, own you power.
Look within and ask yourself what it is that you want. What is it that would make you happy? What have you been settling for and not willing to stand for? Where have you been making another person responsible for your own happiness?
Once you’ve identified those things, then create a simple statement that expresses what you want. Begin it with “I want…,” and make sure the words “you,” “we,” and “us” are nowhere in your statement.
Simply own your desire and embrace the power you have to create what you want in your life and in love!
If you’re ready to own your power and begin working with me to transform your dating life or relationship, simply fill out the new message form that popped up on this page and let’s set up some time time to talk!
Questions? Comments? Let us know below! We love hearing from you!
Image courtesy of FreeDigitalPhotos.net
by heartsdesireintl | Aug 9, 2013 | Dating, HDI Blog, Heart's Desire International, Intimacy, Love, Marriage, Relationship Advice, Romance, Sex
by Gladys Diaz
As women, we don’t always realize the incredible power we have to create the types of relationships we long to experience. It’s easy to look outside of ourselves – perhaps to the history in our families around relationships, to what the world and media outlets are saying is possible, to other people (mainly men) that we can blame – to explain or justify why we are not experiencing what we want in our love lives and relationships.
What takes courage and vulnerability is the willingness to turn the mirror around and look within. It takes courage because, acknowledging that I am the one who can create a change in my life – that I have the power to do that – means that I have to take responsibility for why my relationship and my life don’t look the way I want them to. It means acknowledging where I might need to make some changes, let go of trying to control things, and create space in my life for the love, laughter, peace, and miracles I want to see, feel, and live!
As I shared with someone earlier this week, when I am willing to be responsible for the role I’ve played in my life and my relationship looking the way they do, then I can also take the credit for having made the changes necessary to turn them around! Now, that’s empowering!
As empowering as it is, it’s not always “easy” to take on being responsible and making the changes that will make a difference. And it also doesn’t make it any less scary. There will be a part of us that will wonder or doubt whether the changes will really make a difference. And it can be tempting to have that fear and doubt talk us out of taking action.
For example, a single woman may wonder if giving up her checklist of necessary requirements a man “must” meet in order to date her will mean that she’ll have to settle for someone she’s not interested in or attracted to. Unless her belief that she can have the relationship of her dreams with a man who is interesting, to whom she’s attracted, and who treats her like the goddess she is becomes bigger than her fear, she’ll make the fear and doubt the reasons why she can’t give up the checklist. And she may be cheating herself out of experiencing the very relationship she says she wants.
If a married woman feels that her marriage has lost the romance, that there’s no more friendship or passion, and all that’s left is an amicable roommate-type of relationship, she may wonder whether being more appreciative, more vulnerable, and inviting some romance back into the relationship and the bedroom will work. After all… it’s been years since she felt butterflies in her stomach and gotten goosebumps when he touches or looks at her that way. Allowing herself to be vulnerable also means taking a risk, not knowing how he’ll respond or whether he’ll be interested in having things change. So, unless her belief that she can experience love, passion, and romance again with the man she promised to love forever is bigger than her fear of possibly having her efforts rejected, the fears and doubts will have her cheat herself out of experiencing the very intimacy she longs for.
So, to begin choosing your heart’s desires over your fears:
- Acknowledge what your heart desires. Write it down. Describe how your dream relationship feels. What is the experience of being in that relationship like?
- Notice the fears and doubts that come up as you are describing your dream relationship. What types of thoughts creep into your mind?
- Choose to honor your heart’s desires over your fears. Acknowledge the fears and doubts, and choose to take an action that’s aligned with the type of relationship you want to have, anyway!
It simply comes down to choice. You can choose your fears and doubts, or you can choose to honor your heart’s desires. You can choose to avoid taking a risk, or you can choose to put your heart on the line and allow yourself the opportunity to be pleasantly surprised. You can choose to talk about wanting a happy, loving, intimate relationship, or you can create one. You can choose to allow things to stay the way they are and pretend like you don’t have the power to change them, or you can begin taking the steps to transform them.
The choice, as with anything else, is always up to you.
The real question is: Will you choose to step into your power to create the relationship and the life your heart desires?
If you’re ready to choose your happiness, your dreams, and your heart desires and you’d like support in making them come true, then take a few moments to learn more about how you can begin putting that choice into action today!
Click here to learn more!
This is your life and your happiness we’re talking about! It’s time to choose YOU!
Questions? Comments? Let us know below! We love hearing from you!
Image courtesy of FreeDigitalPhotos.net
by heartsdesireintl | Aug 2, 2013 | Dating, Heart's Desire International, Intimacy, Love, Marriage, Relationship Advice
by Gladys Diaz
The beginning of this week was tough for me. I had a busy weekend and kept going, and going, and going, adding more things on my plate. On Saturday, after a long morning of not-so-successful fishing with the family, I curled up on the couch with my favorite Disney flannel blanket, ready to take a nap to the sound of the falling rain (one of my favorite things to do!). A few minutes later, however, my husband reminded me that we’d told the boys we’d take them to go see a movie. I rested for a bit, but I wasn’t able to take the yummy nap I’d settled in to take.
On Sunday, I I spend most of the day cleaning the house. Usually, the boys and my husband will help me, but, for some unknown reason, I didn’t ask for help. So, what could have taken me two hours, ended up taking four hours. I was exhausted. Then I had to run over to my mom’s house and do groceries for her. By the time I got home, it was about 9:00 p.m., and, after I folded and put the clothes away and finally sitting down, I began to notice that I was feeling a little “off” — not really sick, per se, but not quite like myself.
I chalked it up to just being tired, but, by the time I woke up on Monday, my head and body felt heavy. I felt as if I could not overcome the desire to close my eyes. At first, I thought I had the flu, but I had none of the symptoms. All I knew was that it was as if my body was screaming at me to give it some rest. So I laid down on the day bed in my husband’s home office to talk to him for a little bit… And I fell asleep for four hours! That night, I let my husband take care of dinner for the boys and I went to bed early (for me) and slept another ten hours!
Tuesday morning, I still did not feel like myself, and since I didn’t have any early appointments, I stayed in bed for as long as I could before going to my desk. I worked in my pajamas, in case I got the chance to lie down again. I’d promised my kids I’d finish work early so that we could do something fun together. When I asked my son if he wanted to go bowling, he said, “Mama, you’re not feeling well. You should really rest.” (Out of the mouth of babes…)
When he said that, I realized how easy it is for me to put everything and everyone before myself. I clearly still did not feel 100% like myself, but I was going to put that aside so that I could do something with my kids, which probably would not have been fun, given the way I was feeling. I saw how my little one was more in touch with how I was feeling than I was, and I was filled with gratitude for the love I felt coming from him! Now, why wasn’t I giving that same type of love to myself?
Do you do the same thing? Do you tend to put aside your needs and your heart’s desires to take care of other people and “more important things”?
For example, do say you want to be in a loving, fulfilling relationship, but tend to put all of your time, energy, and attention into your work and career? Do you put off going out on dates and possibly meeting the man of your dreams because you’re simply “too busy”?
Do you do everything for everyone else in your home — cook, clean, take care of the bills and make all of the decisions, but deny yourself the time to just relax with a good book, call up or spend some time with a girlfriend, or take a nap?
Do you tend to avoid dealing the issues that you and your husband or partner are experiencing by diving into projects at work or in the community? Is it easier to pretend those problems are not there or that they will somehow, magically, work themselves out?
It can be easy to lose sight of what we really want. We can create excuses, reasons, and justifications for why something else is more urgent or more important. But when we do that, we are also denying ourselves the things we desire most, and, with that, will come a corresponding drop in vitality, in our sense of joy and fulfillment, and in our sense of worth.
So, are you with me? Will you go ahead and put yourself at the top of your list of priorities? Will you make a choice right now to do something that you enjoy, that brings you pleasure, and that allows you to feel like you are at the top of your list?
If so, please tell me what you are going to do for yourself in the comment box below! I want to celebrate with you!
And, for those of you who are single and are ready to stop putting your love life, your happiness, and your heart’s desires on hold, I want to invite you to learn about my new “Create Your Love Story” coaching and mentoring program. This program will allow you and me to work together so that you can learn the skills that will have you attract the love that you want, create the love story you dream of and pray about, and have that love last for a lifetime.
Put yourself at the top of your list and sign up to work with me now!
===>>Click here to learn more!<<===
P.S. If you missed the “Creating the Relationship of Your Dreams” 90-Minute Training Call and you want to do the exercises that will help you create the relationship of your dreams now, there will be an encore call Friday, August 2nd, at 3:00 p.m. Eastern. The link will remain live until midnight on Saturday, but you must sign up for the call in order to get the call-in details.
Join this life-changing call and begin living the life and love of your dreams!
Comments? Questions? Let us know below! We love hearing from you!
by heartsdesireintl | Jul 30, 2013 | breakups, Dating, Forgiveness, Heart's Desire International, heartache, Intimacy, Love, Marriage, Relationship Advice, Romance
by Gladys Diaz
A resounding theme keeps popping up in my Inbox, conversations with clients, and even on TV shows. The theme is courage.
Any time we want to create something new in our lives – whether it’s transitioning to a new career, moving to a new home, or taking on a new goal or lifestyle – there will be fears that come up. And the thought of starting a new relationship or restoring the intimacy in an existing relationship is no exception. In fact, contemplating the possibility of letting love into our lives and hearts can be one of the most terrifying experiences we can have.
Why?
Well, because of our past. Most of us have experienced some type of disappointment and heartache as a result of having allowed ourselves to love someone. Sometimes the pain is a result of a betrayal, of poor timing, having fallen for someone who simply wasn’t right for us, or not having had the knowledge or awareness of how to make things work.
One of the first things we do when we begin working with clients is to help them see how their fears are actually causing them to reject and block the possibility of experiencing love. We do a series of exercises where we help the person identify the fears, resentments, and regrets, and guide her through letting releasing and letting go of them so that she is able to create a space where love is able to flow freely to, through, and from her. If you were on the “Creating the Relationship of Your Dreams” Teleclass, you experienced the power of this exercise for yourself!
It’s only when we release the heaviness of all of disempowering thoughts and negative beliefs from the past that we can feel free to let love in, here and now.
Are you ready to let love in? If so, ask yourself:
- Am I willing to let go of resentment? Is there a person (or persons) in your life who hurt, disappointed and/or betrayed you toward whom you’ve been holding onto the anger, pain, and resentment? Are you willing to let that go?
- Am I willing to face my fears and not allow them to choose for me? Too often, we’re allowing the fear of getting hurt again choose whether or not we’re willing to open up our hearts. Unless we identify the fear as just a thought and not what’s actually happening right now, we will cheat ourselves out of the experience of loving and being loved.
- Am I willing to let go of regrets? Perhaps one of the hardest people to forgive is ourselves. We blame ourselves and make ourselves wrong for having said or done the wrong thing – or for not having said or done the right thing. We punish ourselves by replaying our mistakes over and over again. We create a story that we “deserve” to be alone or unhappy. And we do this to protect ourselves, because as uncomfortable and lonely as it may be, at least we’re not risking our hearts again.
Maybe we did make some mistakes along the way. Perhaps we could have said or done something differently. However, it’s also possible that lessons were learned and that we simply didn’t have the knowledge, skills, and awareness necessary to make different choices.
One of the best ways to gain new knowledge and skills and heighten your level of awareness is to work with a coach. Every time I’ve invested in working with a coach, I have been able to completely transform different areas of my life. Whether it’s been learning how to create a healthier lifestyle, causing breakthroughs in my personal and spiritual life, or creating growth in my business, I can trace the changes and results to my working directly with a coach to help make that happen.
This is why I believe so strongly in the power of coaching and why I’ve opened the doors to a new coaching and mentoring program that is going to provide you with the skills, insights, and practices that are going to help you create the type of relationship your heart desires. I’m not talking about a program where you learn a bunch of cute and fun “dating tips” and strategies for getting a man to fall in love with you.
I’m talking about a partnership where you and I work together to break down the walls that have been stopping you from attracting the love that you want and being to put into practice the skills that will help you create a meaningful, fulfilling, loving, and intimate relationship with a man that lasts for a lifetime.
If you are ready to make a commitment to yourself and do the work that it takes to create new love or restore the love and intimacy that has been lost in your relationship, the Create Your Love Story program will provide you with the support, mentorship, and results you have been searching for.
Don’t allow your fears to stop you from actually living in the relationship you wish, pray and dream of. That dream is in your heart for a reason. You were created to love and be loved.
Now it’s time to get out of your own way and begin to completely transform your life and your experience of dating and relationships.
If you’re ready to begin, I’m ready to work with you! Click here to begin creating your love story today!
Comments? Questions? Let us know below! We love hearing from you!
Photo courtesy of FreeDigitalPhotos.net
by heartsdesireintl | Jul 26, 2013 | Dating, Heart's Desire International, Love, Marriage, Relationship
by Gladys Diaz
We have such exciting news to share with you!
As you know, we’ve been sharing a lot about how you can create your own love story and make your dreams come true! (If you weren’t able to join us for the very special call we had on Wednesday, check out the information below regarding this Sunday’s encore call!)
Whether you are single, in a relationship, or married, the fact is that you get to be the author of the love story that is your life! The first, and most important step, however is believing that you can experience the relationship of your dreams.
That’s why we’re so excited about a new project that we’ve been invited to participate in by a very talented photographer and visionary who has experienced the power of the Law of Attraction in her own life!
During a course she took earlier this year, Melisa Caprio learned how powerful Positive Affirmations can be in making goals and dreams a reality.
She wrote her dreams as Affirmations…
…and they started coming true!
Being the generous person she is, she didn’t want to be the only one experiencing these miracles in her life, so she began thinking of a way to help others manifest their own dreams. She came up with the idea of using her love of photography to help people visualize what they wanted to manifest in their lives by creating Postcards that they could then “send” to the Universe!
And this is where YOU come in!
A friend and client of ours shared with Melisa the work Heart’s Desire does and how it helped her to manifest her relationship. Melisa was inspired and has invited us (that means you, too!) to create Postcards from the Universe that affirm what you want to experience in the relationship of your dreams!
If you participated in one of the “Creating the Relationship of Your Dreams” teleclasses, you created some powerful affirmations about the relationship you would like to experience. What better way to declare your intention for having the relationship you’ve always dreamed of than to shout it out to the Universe?!?
Melisa is going to collect your postcards and create an original piece she will be showcasing at an upcoming art gallery opening! The piece will be titled “Heart’s Desires” and will be made up of all of our Postcards to the Universe! Your postcard may even be selected to be included in her upcoming book!
Isn’t this a creative and inspiring idea? Just imagine…all of our affirmations and dreams coming together to create a beautiful and original masterpiece that is all about LOVE!
All you need to do is head over to Melisa’s website and either select an image from her Postcard Gallery or make your own original Postcard using a photograph, drawing, painting (be creative) that depicts your dream relationship! Then, on the back, write a Positive Affirmation that really captures what you want to experience in your relationship, like:
“We are loving, passionate, and generous with one another.”
“We communicate openly and honestly, and trust one another completely.
“We share our lives, our bodies, and our spirits with one another.”
“We celebrate one another’s victories and encourage one another during difficult times.”
These are examples of Gladys’ Positive Affirmations for continuing creating the relationship of her dreams with her husband! Now you want to search within your heart to discover what it is that you want to experience in your dream relationship and put that on the back of your Postcard!
If you were on Wednesday’s “Creating the Relationship of Your Dreams” Teleclass and created a statement affirming what you want to experience in the relationship of your dreams, go to the Postcards to the Universe page and create your postcard now!
If you weren’t on the teleclass, make sure you listen to the encore calls that are being offered this weekend, do the exercises, and write a beautiful Postcard to the Universe.
The directions and additional information about this project can be found on Melisa’s website.
Now, here’s the deal, if you want your Postcard to the Universe to be considered as part of the Heart’s Desire masterpiece, you must submit your Postcard via post mail by Thursday, August 7th! So, don’t wait!
Create the relationship of your dreams, send your Postcard to the Universe…Then, simply enjoy the process of watching it manifest in your life!
Join this life-changing call and begin living the life and love of your dreams!
Questions? Comments? Let us know below! We love hearing from you!
Photo courtesy of Melisa Caprio, Postcards to the Universe
