by heartsdesireintl | Nov 5, 2013 | Communication, Dating, Heart's Desire International, Intimacy, Marriage, Relationship Advice
by Gladys Diaz
“If you change the way you look at things, the things you look at change.” ~ Dr. Wayne Dyer
One of the most beautiful parts about autumn is how the leaves begin to change. Although I live in Florida and the changes here aren’t as intense as in other parts of the country (palm trees don’t really lose their leaves!), there are a few non-native trees in the area, and I love to pick up and admire the different-colored leaves as I go for walks. It’s just fascinating to me how the leaves know when it’s time to begin to change, fall off the branches, and make way for something new to appear in the spring.
As often happens, when I’m thinking about things that take place in my life or the world around me, I try to see how I can relate it to relationships.
One of the main reasons people reach out to work with Michelle and me is because they want to experience change. They either want to change their current relationship status from “single” to “in a committed relationship,” or they want to change and improve the experience they’re having in their current relationship. In both of these situations, like the leaves on the tree, there is a moment where the woman realizes that it’s time to change, let go of the past and any of the things she’s been holding on to that are keeping her “stuck” where she is, in order to make room for something new to show up !
Recently, I was coaching a client who was struggling between absolutely loving her husband who is kind, loving, and generous with her, while also realizing that there were things about him that she didn’t really like or agree with. As I was coaching her, I saw myself and who I used to be in her.
I’ll never forget the moment when I realized that, for a really long time I had been completely unaware of the fact that I saw myself as “superior” to my husband. I was more positive, more spiritual, more even-tempered than he. I was more social, able to get along with people, and I didn’t hold grudges. As horrible as it sounds to me know, I really did have this better-than-thou perception of my husband.
Unfortunately, as unaware as I was of this perception, my husband was completely tuned into it! He could sense that I was making judgments about him and his choices. Whether or not I was aware of it, this underlying belief and view that I had of him was coloring how I saw, spoke to and of him, and how I treated and responded to him. I didn’t have to come out and say it. All he needed to do was looks into my eyes and he could probably see it.
For a long time, I thought it was my responsibility to let my husband know all of the ways he could improve and strive to be better than he was. I would tell him to calm down, to forgive and let go, and how he should approach people and situations. And for a long time, my husband resisted every suggestion, piece of advice, recommended book or video, and comment I made — which only made me want to “help” him even more.
It was a vicious cycle and I was left wondering why he couldn’t just listen to me and change.
It wasn’t until I took the spotlight off of him and everything I felt he needed to do, say, and think differently and flashed it on myself that things really began to change. And things only changed because I began to change myself and the way I was choosing to see him.
I began to look at all of the ways I was sending the message that I didn’t love and accept him, where I felt I was superior to him.
Then I began to look for evidence that supported what a great man he was – a man of integrity who was smart, strong, loyal and loving.
I began to recognize just how capable he was at work and in the things he enjoyed doing.
And something amazing began to happen.
Because I began to change the way I chose to see and relate to him, my husband began to change! But not really.
I began to see what had been in front of me all along, but I couldn’t see because I had been too busy looking for what was “wrong” and needed to be “fixed.”
I’ve learned that, since you cannot make your date, boyfriend, or husband be more or less of anything he does not choose to be, the only thing you can do is to begin to believe that he can be those things.
You can affirm the good qualities you see evidence of in him and in your relationship.
You can shed light on the things you want to experience and see more of, and create a space of unconditional love and acceptance that may very well inspire him to become the man he was created to be.
And, in the meantime, you can focus on becoming the woman you were created to be — the very best version of yourself!
I ended the email to my client by sharing my version of Gandhi’s famous quote, where he called on us to “Be the change you wish to see in the world.”
For those of us looking to create and experience extraordinary love, the message is:
BE the love you want to see in your relationship!
Questions? Comments? Let us know below! We love hearing from you!
Image courtesy of FreeDigitalPhotos.net
by heartsdesireintl | Oct 25, 2013 | breakups, Communication, Forgiveness, Heart's Desire International, Love, Marriage, Relationship Advice, Success
by Gladys Diaz
Yesterday was a real exercise for me in being willing to step outside of my comfort zone.
On Wednesday night, I worked into the wee hours of the morning on a big project, and quite frankly did not feel very perky or pretty on Thursday! I was tired and knew I had a long day ahead of me of phone calls, research, and a webinar I was presenting that night.
At about 3:30 in the afternoon I received a call from someone who works at a local TV station saying he needed to speak with me ASAP. I called him back and he wanted to know if I could come to the studio for a segment they were doing about the benefits of online dating. Immediately I said, “Yes, of course.” That’s when he told me I needed to be there in four hours! I thought it was an upcoming interview… Not one happening that night!
I tried to get out of it. I told him I was tired and that I could pack clothes in the bags under my eyes. I also told him I had to lead a webinar at 9:00 and the segment was not airing until 8:30, and that I was sorry, but I couldn’t see how it was going to work.
That’s when he said he’d send a car to pick me up and drop me off so that I would not have drive, that he’d have a makeup artist ready to greet me when I got there, and that he’d arrange for me to have a private conference room with Internet connection so that I could go upstairs after the interview and conduct my webinar.
I thought about cancelling my webinar, but I didn’t want to do that. If this was going to work for me, I needed to be able to have it all!
At that moment, I chose to do what wasn’t comfortable.
I hurried up and finished my work; got ready, dressed and out the door, and let the ladies who’d be attending the webinar know that we might start a few minutes late.
After the webinar, I rushed upstairs, sat in an office that wasn’t my comfy home office, battled with technology to get connected to the Internet, and started the webinar 20 minutes late. Not what I like or what I’m used to.
The webinar, however, went great. The ladies waited patiently for me to get set up and were so understanding about all of the glitches that took place. Everyone participated actively, and the insights they shared at the end of the night reminded me that everything I’d done that day was worth it!
When I got up to put my things away, I looked up and saw the frame that you see as the image on this page. It read:
“Life begins at the end of your comfort zone.”
~ Neal Diamond Walsh
So, what about you? Have you been willing to step out of your comfort zone?
Have you set up that online dating profile you’ve been putting off because you feel that online dating is “unnatural” or not your cup of tea, even though it might actually be fun and you might end up meeting the man of your dreams?
Have you started smiling and flirting whenever you’re out, even though it feels “weird” or you’re afraid of being rejected?
Have you chosen to forgive your husband or boyfriend? To let go of any resentments or judgments regarding what he “should” do to make things right between you?
Have you been willing to be open, vulnerable, and allow love to flow in, to, and through you?
If you have, great! I’m excited for you and would love to hear about how you’ve been able to break out of your comfort zone and create some amazing results!
If you haven’t, would you consider stepping out in faith?
Life happens right outside of our comfort zone, and there are miracles just waiting to be manifested and experienced by you!
So, go ahead! I dare you to be happy!
Questions? Comments? Let us know below! We love hearing from you!
by heartsdesireintl | Oct 11, 2013 | Dating, Heart's Desire International, Intimacy, Love, Marriage, Relationship Advice
by Gladys Diaz
As I mentioned in my previous post, this past week I attended a Mastermind meeting that was led by my business coach with over 80 other entrepreneurs. One of the assignments we were given prior to the meeting was to be ready to present a 2-minute talk on stage. To say that I was terrified is quite the understatement!
As soon as I read those instructions – and the sentence stating that we couldn’t ask any questions regarding the assignment – I went into full-out panic mode. In an instant, all of my fears, doubts and insecurities came bubbling up to the surface. I was even angry that we were not only being told what we needed to do, but that we weren’t being given any directions except to “breathe” and do our best!
I put off working on my talk all week long. I got really “busy” doing a bunch of other stuff. It wasn’t until I landed in California and someone mentioned the assignment that I decided it would probably be a good idea to at least write something down. But nothing came. I couldn’t think of anything to write, or say on stage. And I was certain that my coach was going to call me on stage, I was going to bomb big time, and she was going to tear me apart in front of everyone!
My plan: To avoid eye contact with her and refuse to go up if she called on me!
Pretty wimpy, huh? Especially for someone who talks to women about facing and overcoming their fears!
So, as usually happens during moments like this in my life, I thought of you.
I thought about what I would ask you to help you to see what it was you are really afraid of.
Are you afraid of not ever having what you really want?
Or are you afraid that you might actually get what you really want? (Sometimes, this can be just as scary as the fear of not getting what we want!)
I realized that I was afraid of “looking bad” and that, if I didn’t do it perfectly, it meant that I wouldn’t be able to succeed – ever. I was terrified that I’d been wasting my time and that my dreams were never really going to come true.
And then, for a split second, I thought about how scary it would be if having what I want was really possible! That would mean that having the life and business that I want is completely up to me! That I would have to be responsible and be willing to do the work that it takes to make those dreams come true.
That’s what I was really afraid of!
I thought about how I’d encourage you to face your fear and do it anyway.
I thought about how I’d say to you:
That fear? It’s just a thought. It’s not even “the truth”!
It’s just a reminder of something that happened in the past – something that is not happening now. It’s not real.
I thought about how many times I’ve allowed my fears to stop me. How the fear of repeating a mistake from the past has kept me from stepping out into a new future. And how, I’ve always ended up regretting not having stepped up.
It was then that I began to sense something stirring inside of me. What was it?
Was it the determination not to have that happen again? Was it the unwillingness to remain stagnant? Was that courage bubbling up inside of me?
I thought about how courageous you are when you are willing to take a risk and be vulnerable.
I thought about how you inspire me when are courageous enough to step outside of your comfort zone and have a breakthrough that completely transforms your life.
I thought about the joy that I feel when you tell me how amazing you feel now that you have everything you’ve dreamed of and how you really didn’t believe it could happen sometimes, but you trusted me and yourself, and you did it anyway!
I thought about you…
And then, instead of waiting to be called on…
I raised my hand!
And I kept raising it… until my coach pointed at me… and I made my way to the stage!
I’d love to say that I wasn’t nervous. That when I stepped on the stage I felt confident and everything came out exactly the way that I’d planned.
The truth is that I was shaking so hard I thought the people in the front row could see it! I was so nervous that I felt as if I couldn’t take a complete breath. But the longer I stood on the stage, the stronger I felt and the words began to flow! And the feedback I was terrified of getting from my coach? It was constructive – meant to build me up, not tear me down – and I used it, right then and there, on the stage! It was amazing! I felt so empowered!
So, thank you!
Thank you for the difference you allow me to make in your life and for the incredible difference you make in mine. I’m so grateful our paths have crossed and that we’re part of one another’s journey.
And the next time you’re afraid – of admitting that you want to be in a loving, intimate relationship; of going out on a date with someone new; of apologizing to your boyfriend or husband for having said or done something you wish you hadn’t; of allowing yourself to love and be loved – I hope you’ll think of me and that you’ll be inspired to move past your fear so that you can experience the life and love your heart desires!
Question? Comments? Let us know below! We love hearing from you!
Image courtesy of FreeDigitalPhotos.net
by heartsdesireintl | Oct 4, 2013 | breakups, Dating, Forgiveness, Heart's Desire International, heartache, Intimacy, Love, Marriage, Relationship Advice
by Gladys Diaz
I remember when I used to play on the monkey bars as a little girl. I’m afraid of heights, and the idea of hanging way up high terrified me, but not as much as knowing that, in order to move to the next bar, I had to completely open up one hand, let go of the bar, and move it to the next bar! But I knew that if I didn’t, let go, I’d either be stuck in the same place, or my arms would eventually get too tired, and I’d end up falling off!
The same is true when it comes to relationships. In order to move toward the type of life and love you want to experience, you may need to let go of all of the things that aren’t working until you get to the other side!
“Moving on” from a past relationship or from something that is not working in your life can be much easier said than done. When you love a person and have opened your heart to him, the thought of letting go moving on can be so scary it’s paralyzing! When you’ve been hurt in the past, it can be difficult to open your heart and let love back in, or to do what it takes to turn a relationship into the kind of loving union you dream of. This is what has many women holding on to a man, relationship, or limiting beliefs and behaviors that are clearly not giving them the experience they want for much longer than they need to. It’s also what keeps them stuck, alone, and lonely.
Having the type of love you want – the kind where you know that you know that he loves you, where it feels safe and secure, and where you get to experience love, peace, and joy – the kind of relationship that works means you need to be willing to let go of what doesn’t!
So, what are some of the things you may need to let go of in order to get to the other side — the side where all of your dreams about what life and love can be are waiting for you?
- Pain and resentment from the past: Holding on will keep you angry, bitter, upset, and either alone or lonely inside of a relationship. When you bring forgiveness to yourself and others, you create a space for something new to show up in your life!
- Your checklist of criteria or expectations: Consider that if you’re experiencing that one guy after another (or the man who you’re with) just isn’t “enough,” you may be holding on to a list of insurmountable criteria and expectations that are set up to help protect and keep you from being vulnerable, which is also keeping you from connecting and experiencing intimacy.
- The need to be right: Insisting on your way being the right way; being unwilling to accept, respect, or understand another’s ideas or point of view will keep you stuck in your own righteousness and does not allow for the possibility of intimacy.
- A dead-end relationship: If you’ve been in a long-term relationship, just waiting (and waiting, and waiting) for him to commit or propose to you, you may want to consider that either you’re not clear about what you really want, or you’re holding him responsible for you having what it is you want for your life. It may be time to let go of that relationship and make room for the man who is ready to share and spend his life with you.
If you’re feeling frustrated with the way things are showing up in your love life, perhaps it’s time to take inventory of your life and your relationships and be really honest with yourself.
Is there something that clearly is not working for you that you’re holding on to? Are you ready to finally let go and reach forward—toward the life and love you desire and deserve?
If so…
Take a deep breath and know that you are strong enough, you are worthy enough, and you will survive this. More than anything, know that the life and love your heart desires are already waiting for you!
And if you need support with letting go, know that we are only an email away! We’ll be right there beside you, cheering, encouraging, and holding you up until you get to the other side: The relationship you’ve always dreamed of!
Click here and let’s talk! We’re here for you!
Questions? Comments? Let us know below! We love hearing from you!
Image courtesy of FreeDigitalPhotos.net
by heartsdesireintl | Sep 17, 2013 | Communication, Heart's Desire International, Intimacy, Love, Marriage, Relationship, Relationship Advice, Romance
by Gladys Diaz
Being a relationship coach is one of the most rewarding experiences of my life. There is absolutely nothing better than helping a woman who has given up on love begin to break through the fears, doubts, and limiting beliefs that have been stopping her from allowing love to find her. It’s so fulfilling to watch someone meet the man she’s been waiting for all of her life and see them building a life of dreams together. Perhaps my favorite part is that inevitable moment when she calls to tell me they’re getting married and how she really thought this would never happen for her! It’s one of the few times I love being “right”!
As with anything else, even being a relationship coach has its down side sometimes. Many of the calls I get are from women who are giving up on love, not because they are single, but because they can’t seem to figure out what went wrong and what they need to do to make their marriage work. It’s heartbreaking to hear them talk about how great things between them and their husbands used to be and how difficult things are now – constant bickering; very little, if any, intimacy; and feeling lonely, even though they are in a relationship.
The worst part is that this is a pretty common conversation. I receive these types of phone calls and emails all the time from women asking, “What happened?” “Where did the love go?” “Is there any way to get it back?”
Thankfully, when a woman reaches out to me, it’s usually because she’s ready to begin turning things around. Even if she’s still at the point where she’s blaming him for the state of their marriage, if she’s reaching out, I know in my heart that there is a very good chance that, if she’s willing to do the work, she’ll be amazed at how quickly her experience of being married is going to change!
But why is it that a happy, loving, peaceful romance can sometimes turn into a war zone? How is it that the same two people who at one point could not imagine living the rest of their lives without one another can get to the point where they can’t be in the same room without insulting and tearing each other down? And, more importantly, is there any way to prevent this from happening or turn things around?
Let’s take a look at some of the reasons why some marriages don’t last and what can be done to prevent this and Keep the Love Alive in your relationship so that it can last for a lifetime.
Thinking that great marriages “just happen.”
I don’t know if we should sue Disney or the authors of every fairy tale and romance novel ever written, but this idea that happily ever after just happens, is an illusion! Nothing that lasts or that is of importance – one’s health, wealth, or success in any area of one’s life – lasts without putting time, effort, and, at times, money into it. Take shows like Extreme Weightloss or The Biggest Loser, for example. Even after those people go through 6 months to a year of intense training, changing their eating habits, and living an entirely new lifestyle, and lose hundreds of pounds, there is absolutely no way for them to maintain that new body if they do not continue exercising, eating healthy, and making the right choices for their bodies.
So, why is it that we think relationships are any different? Even if you have the most romantic, loving, and intimate relationship, unless you make it a point every single day to nurture the love and respect in that relationship, there is absolutely no way that it will be able to sustain the curveballs that life throws your way: illness, loss of a job, death of a loved one, or everyday stress. It’s only when we make our relationships a priority in our lives and give them the time and attention they deserve that we can begin solidifying the foundation and continue building on the love that we have in the beginning of the relationship.
Getting too comfortable.
I’m not going to lie, I’m glad I no longer have to worry about if I’ll ever be married or have the family I always dreamed of. There is a sense of peace in knowing that you’ve attracted the man who has promised to love you for the rest of his life. But I have to be conscious about not taking this blessing for granted. However, I see way too many people who have gotten comfortable in their relationships and are no longer trying to make them fun and romantic. They settle into being busy, being parents, and – if they can tolerate one another – becoming friendly housemates. But the passion, romance, and fun that used to be in their relationships are nowhere to be found. They begin to feel bored and grow apart.
Again, if you want to have a relationship where love, fun, and romance are present, rather than waiting for your partner to bring fun, love, and romance into the relationship, it’s going to be up to you. In other words, you need to choose to be the love you want to see and experience in your life.
Not believing that things will change.
Another reason many marriages do not last is because, when things begin to change, or it begins to seem as if the romance is beginning to fade, people get scared. They get scared that they won’t be able to turn things around and that things will continue to get worse. They’re afraid that their partner doesn’t want the relationship to work. And the fear has them not even try – it actually paralyzes them, and they will pretend everything is fine, ignore the situation, and not take the steps they can take to recommit, reconnect, and restore the intimacy in their relationships.
It can be scary to think that the relationship you promised to be in for the rest of your life is coming apart. But, if you remember nothing else from this article, remember this: You have the power to create the relationship your heart desires. It is entirely up to you. And, while you may not know exactly what you can do right now, know that help and support are available, and it is absolutely possible to have the love, intimacy and romance you want.
Michelle and I are passionate about helping women restore the romance in their relationships. This is why we are hosting the “Keeping the Love Alive” Workshop on September 21, 2013. In this half-day workshop, women will discover:
- How to continue becoming the best version of yourself
- The keys to communicating in a way that has him hear what you are saying
- The practical things you can do each day to keep the romance alive in your relationship
- How to give your husband what he wants more than anything else (and it’s probably not what you’re thinking!)
This workshop is for you if you are:
- In a committed relationship that you are hoping will lead to a happy marriage
- A bride-to-be who is ready to learn how to make your marriage a romance that lasts for a lifetime
- A happily married woman who is interested in taking your marriage to new levels of love, passion, and intimacy
- A married woman who wants to discover how to bring the passion and romance back into your marriage
So, if you’re ready to begin infusing your relationship with more love, passion, intimacy, and fun that you can stand, join us on Saturday, September 21, 2013 from 10:00am – 1:00pm!
Location:
Italy Today
6743 Main Street
Miami Lakes, FL 33014
Cost:
$45 pre-sale / $50 at the door
BOGO with a friend! Buy 1 ticket and get the second one for 50% off! $67 Pre-sale / $75 at the door
Click here to register now!
**Be one of the first 10 women to register after reading this post, and we’ll enter your name in a raffle to win a great date night gift!**
If you live outside of Florida, and you’d like support, contact us so that we can work with you to help you create the relationship you deserve and your heart desires!
Questions? Comments? Let us know below! We love hearing from you!
Image courtesy of FreeDigitalPhotos.net
