by heartsdesireintl | Sep 20, 2013 | Communication, Dating, Heart's Desire International, heartache, Intimacy, Love, Marriage, Romance
by Gladys Diaz
This week I found myself dealing with many disappointments. I’m usually a pretty positive person, but I have to admit that I had more than a few moments of frustration, sadness, and crying sessions. Working myself through the disappointment took a willingness to just be with the feelings, rather than resisting them; be responsible for the role I’d played in having things turn out the way they did; and courage to dust myself off and pick myself up again! I also discovered that, as disappointing as a situation may be, the lessons learned are part of the journey and that, if I can be open to seeing what those lessons are, I am one step closer to achieving my goals and dreams.
It’s no different when it comes to dating in relationships. Whether you’re disappointed that you’re not attracting the kind of man you’d like to share your life with, or you’re disappointed about the way a conversation with your husband or boyfriend went, it’s how you choose to deal with the disappointment can affect how beneficial the learning experience can be.
So, what are some ways that you can effectively deal with disappointments in relationships?
- Allow yourself to feel whatever it is you are feeling. Trying to resist feeling sad, upset, or disillusioned is futile. As the saying goes: “What your resists persists,” so give yourself permission to feel what you’re feeling. The key to getting to the other side of the disappointment, however, is to avoid wrapping yourself in the feeling and staying “stuck” there. Instead, acknowledge what you’re feeling, allow yourself to feel it, and, then let it go. The other day, my sister and I gave each other permission to vent about an issue we were having for 10 minutes. Once those 10 minutes were over, we moved on to seeking solutions! It was great because we didn’t have to go through making one another wrong for feeling how we were feeling or pretending that we weren’t feeling that way, which deepened the intimacy we share.
In a romantic relationship, you may want to give yourself a “time out” before sharing how you are feeling. Why? Because at times, our emotions are super-charged at the moment of disappointment, and we may end up saying or doing something we’re later going to regret, thus adding to the disappointment. So, it’s much better to sort through what it is that you are feeling – perhaps by venting with someone who is not a part of the situation – before choosing to share those feelings with our partner.
- Take responsibility for the role you played in the situation. Whether a mistake was made, something could have been done differently, you said or did something that contributed to the situation, or you fueled the flames by defending your point of view or making the other person wrong, own the role you played in how things turned out. Taking responsibility is not about assigning fault or blame. It’s simply about being willing to acknowledge what you did or said that contributed to the situation. This is important, because, once you take responsibility for the role you played in the situation, you can also take the credit for helping to turn things around! So, rather than defend yourself or assign blame to others, just take responsibility for the part you played so that you can move forward. Which brings us to the next point:
- Avoid staying stuck in the muck. I don’t know about you, but I really don’t enjoy failing, making mistakes, or having things turn out differently than I imagined. I prefer success a whole lot more! However, sometimes, after having experienced a disappointment, it can be difficult to want to try again. We fear having to experience the sting of disappointment again, and this can cause us to want to want to quit and stop trying. The problem, however, is that, until we’re willing to step out of the muck and try again, we’ll never truly know what we’re capable of creating.
So, if you’re disappointed with regard to your experience with dating, revise your online profile, look for another online site that may be more to your liking, and trying out new places and activities where you might meet potential suitors. If you’re disappointed with the level of love and romance in your relationship, do something fun and romantic with or for your partner. And if you feel as if you’re struggling to make your relationship work, reach out a relationship coach or someone you know who can help you see what you may be able to do turn things around. There is always help and there’s always hope!
And throughout all of this, remember that, as painful and uncomfortable as the disappointment may seem, there are life and love lessons to be learned at every moment – each one another stepping stone in your journey. And every time you choose to have the courage to identify what those lessons are and apply them in your life and relationships, you are one step closertoward achieving your dreams and fulfilling your heart’s desires!
Comments? Questions? Let us know below! We love hearing from you!
Image courtesy of FreeDigitalPhotos.net
by heartsdesireintl | Apr 17, 2013 | Love, Relationship, Success
by Gladys Diaz
If you ask people to define “success,” you’ll probably hear a lot of different definitions, examples of it, and feelings about what success really means. One of our core beliefs at Heart’s Desire International is that women deserve to have it ALL! That means that we believe that success is about feeling happy, fulfilled, and empowered in every area of your life — business/career, physical and spiritual health and well-being, AND your love life!
This is why for the past several years, Heart’s Desire has partnered to help make the Women’s Success Summit a success! This year, I have the honor of serving on the Board of Advisors, and, since I have the inside scoop, I can honestly tell you that this is going to be the BEST summit to date!
Over the years, many of our clients have either met us through or attended the Women’s Success Summit with us! Why? Because “success” isn’t just measured by your career achievements, the size of the business you own, or the salary you make. True Success comes from having everything your heart desires — in life, business, and your romantic relationships!
So, if you are ready to spend 2 days surrounded by some of the most successful and amazing women in Miami, learning about how to take our lives and businesses to new levels of success, then join us at the Women’s Success Summit VII!
Use the code HeartsDesire when you register and save 20%!
Image courtesy of FreeDigitalPhotos.net
by heartsdesireintl | Dec 11, 2012 | Dating, Gratitude, HDI Blog, Intimacy, Love, Marriage, Relationship, Relationship Advice, Romance
by Gladys Diaz
The other night, we held our monthly Intimacy Skills Training Webinar. The topic of the webinar was “How to Get More Help, Gifts, and Compliments: The Magic of Gratitude. Being on the call was – in a word – magical! In just a few minutes of doing two exercises, all of us on the call were able to experience a “shift” in the energy around us – and this was a virtual meeting with women from all over the world.
In the first exercise, we walked through a few “less-than-desirable” scenarios and looked to see what it was that we could be thankful for. It was amazing how we were able to find things to be grateful for, even when a guy arrives late for a date without calling to say he’s going to be late; when our man chooses to invite a friend who just broke up with his fiancé to what was supposed to be a romantic dinner; and when our guy changes a light bulb 3 weeks after he said he would, and after we tripped on the stairs (true story!). It was wonderful to see all of the things that the women were typing into the chat box as reasons for which to be grateful in situations where we could just as easily choose to be upset, make sure he felt guilty about doing something “wrong,” and potentially end up in a bitter argument.
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by heartsdesireintl | Dec 7, 2012 | Dating, HDI Blog, Intimacy, Love, Marriage, Relationship, Relationship Advice, Romance
by Gladys Diaz
To say that last night’s episode of The Real Housewives of Miami was difficult to watch would be an incredible understatement. I don’t know what was worse: Knowing that Karent’s heart was about to be broken on national TV, that some of the women might enjoy seeing this happen, or that Lea and Lisa were advising her to give Rodolfo an ultimatum and give him a time limit on how long she was going to wait for him to decide whether or not he wanted to marry and have kids with her.
As I mentioned in the previous “’Reality’ Check” blog post, giving ultimatums, making demands, or trying to somehow guilt or manipulate a man into doing something is a waste of time, energy, and puts all of the power regarding the relationship “over there,” with him.
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by heartsdesireintl | Dec 5, 2012 | Dating, HDI Blog, Intimacy, Love, Marriage, Relationship, Relationship Advice, Romance
by Gladys Diaz
I’m almost embarrassed to admit this, but, yes, from time to time, I watch reality TV. Usually, it’s something inspirational, like Oprah’s Lifeclass, Iyanla, Fix My Life, or Extreme Makeover Weightloss Edition. I prefer to watch reality shows that inspire the audience who is watching to make similar changes in their own lives. And, there are shows I watch as a dating and relationship coach for “research” on what to say to my clients (and, more often, with some of the matchmaking and dating shows, what not to say to them).
There is one show that I watch that, while not it’s “inspirational,” nor does it “technically” have to do with dating and relationships, is providing more research than I expected when I began watching it: The Real Housewives of Miami. As someone who truly believes in the empowerment of women and in helping women become the best versions of themselves, I tend to stay away from drama-driven shows that depict women – or have women depict themselves – in an unfavorable light. But when I learned that someone I knew and have worked with before was going to be on the show, I was intrigued to watch!
So, what love lessons have I gleaned from watching The Real Housewives of Miami that I can share with you?
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You have to be crystal clear about what you want to experience in a relationship.
Several of the cast members, including Karent Sierra, have learned the hard way that, if you’re not 100% clear about what you want to experience in a relationship, you will “settle” for what you get. When your heart’s desire is to be married and have children, it doesn’t mean that you would never date someone who, at the beginning is not sure this is something that he wants. However, once you’ve been together a while and shared how important this is to you, if he’s still showing signs that this is not what he wants and where he is headed, don’t fool yourself by thinking that if you “love him enough,” “prove” that you’ll be a great wife and mother, or try to guilt or manipulate him into seeing how much it is hurting you to not have what you want, that you’ll somehow, eventually, change his mind. The truth is that you need to stand for what’s important to you. Giving ultimatums, making demands, and wishing and hoping that he will change his mind make it seem like it’s his choice to give you what you want to be happy, when the choice is actually yours. See, only you know how long you are willing to wait to have the life your heart desires, and, eventually, you may need to make the courageous decision, as Karent did, to move on, knowing that there is someone out there (who, by the way, is already looking for you) who will not only love and cherish you for the amazing woman you are, but who is also willing to step into your life and make the relationship of your dreams a reality for both of you!
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When it’s over, it’s time to move on – Really move on.
As strong and powerful a woman as Ana Quincoces is, it’s hasn’t been easy watching her pain as she comes to terms with her marriage coming to an end – a real end. She and her husband, Robert, have been separated and even dating other people for a while, but it wasn’t until the episode a few weeks ago, when Ana moved out of the law office they had been sharing for years, that we were able to see just how painful it was for her to really come to terms with the end of the marriage, the business partnership, and all of the hopes and dreams they shared when they first began their life together. It was nice to see her vulnerable side – not because I was glad she was experiencing pain – but because it was refreshing to see that the divorce was a big deal to her, and that she was finally beginning to let go and really begin to move forward with her new life. See, fear keeps us holding onto the past – whether it’s holding on to an unhealthy relationship, because, as uncomfortable as is, it’s what familiar and what we’ve grown accustomed to; holding on to the memories of what used to be, because we are afraid to stake a step into the unknown future; or holding on to a person, because we’re afraid that either he will find the love of his life with another, or we’re afraid that we won’t. Fear keeps us stuck and doesn’t allow us to experience the joy and love that are our birthright! Only when we are willing to let go – really let go – of the past, can we create space in our lives to experience something new… Something that is completely free of the constraints of the past and launches us into a new life – and a new love – that has just been waiting for us to be ready to step into it!
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Don’t allow your fears to cheat you out of experiencing the love you desire and deserve!
Moving on and learning to love again is scary, and Adriana De Moura would probably use the word “terrifying”! It wasn’t until the episode where she threw a 50th Anniversary party for her fiancé, Fredric’s, parents, that we could hear her longing to have a loving, passionate relationship that last for a lifetime. Adriana was so vulnerable when she shared how afraid she is of really committing to Fredric and marrying him. Her fear is understandable. One of the scariest aspects of being in a relationship is that there are no guarantees. Loving requires taking an emotional risk. When we choose to open our hearts again – particularly after having been hurt by infidelity, or because the person we fell in-love with simply is not the one willing to step in and helps us make our dreams come true – it takes an incredible amount of courage to allow ourselves to be vulnerable again. We tend to put on this “take-it-or-leave-it” air about how we feel about love and relationships, and we deny ourselves – and the man that we are with – the gift of giving 100% of ourselves to him and the relationship. We hold back, distance ourselves from our desires, and use the pain from the past to stop us from experiencing the love that is waiting for us here and now, in the present. We cheat ourselves from experiencing what love can be because of the fear that we will get hurt again. We need to be willing to take that step. Yes, we might experience heartache again… But you know what? We already know we can survive it, because we already have! So, all there is to do is take a courageous step, open our hearts, and open ourselves up to the possibility of experiencing a love that surpasses even our wildest dreams!
There are many more love lessons I’ve learned from watching this show, and I’ll share more on the next blog post.
For now, if you have comments or questions you’d like to share, please feel free to do so below! We love hearing from you!
Image courtesy of imagerymajestic via FreeDigitalPhotos.net
