When we begin a new relationship, we are so happy, hopeful, and excited about sharing our love and life with a wonderful man. I honestly don’t know of anyone who gets into a relationship with the intention of causing themselves or the other person heartache. We usually begin with the intention of making the relationship work.
That’s why there’s probably nothing more frightening than being in a relationship and noticing how the love, passion, and intimacy are beginning to fade away. At first, it may not be very obvious. It can seem like your lives have just gotten busier with work, kids, and other responsibilities. Maybe you’re not kissing, hugging or having as much sex as you used to, you’re not talking or connecting as often with one another; when you are talking, it seems like you usually end up in an argument.
I speak with women almost every day who are in this situation and who are wondering if there is any hope for their relationships. The women usually fall into one of these categories.
In Denial.
If you’re in denial, then you’re ignoring the changes that are taking place. You may be rationalizing and telling yourself that this type of thing is “normal” in a relationship, that all relationships go through slumps, and that this is just a phase you and your guy are going through.
The problem with denial is that, in ignoring the fact that there may be a problem, you also avoid doing anything to fix or change what is happening. The likelihood that things are going to “just get better on their own” is slim to none. Instead, the intimacy and romance will continue to deteriorate until nothing is left and you’ll find yourself asking yourself, “What happened? How did we get here?”
In Blame Mode.
If you’re in “blame mode,” then you’ve begun looking at all of the things the man you love is doing wrong to ruin the relationship. Not only do you see everything he is doing and saying wrong, but you make sure you point it out to him every chance you get. You see where he’s not being loving or romantic, where he’s not making an effort to connect, where he’s not initiating sex. It’s blatantly obvious to you that if he would just change, then the relationship would be fine.
The problem with being in blame mode is that you are making your man responsible for everything that is not going right in the relationship, and avoiding owning up to the role you have been playing in allowing things to get to this point. Inside of blaming him, you don’t have to be responsible for what you are doing (or not doing) to impact the love and intimacy in the relationship. Regardless of whether or not he is making some mistakes, the truth is that you can’t control or change him or what he’s doing. The only person you can truly control is yourself. So, until you begin owning the part you are playing in having your relationship unravel, you can’t do anything to turn things around.
Unsure of What to Do.
If you’re a woman in this category, it’s likely that you realize that your relationship is in trouble, you are willing to acknowledge that there are things you can do to change the dynamic of the relationship, but you don’t know what those things are or how to begin making the changes. You may have tried some things on your own that either backfired or didn’t produce the results you hoped for. You may be afraid to do anything because you are scared to mess things up even further. Or you may really be afraid of trying to make changes, only to find that nothing changes.
This is the category of hope! Where there is a willingness to change, change is possible! Your uncertainty comes from not knowing where to begin. So it stands to reason that with the right information, tools, and support, you will be able to make the changes that will help shift the dynamic in your relationship!
If you fall into either of the first two categories – denial or blame mode – pay close attention, because the truth is that if you continue ignoring the changes in your relationship, pretending they are not happening, waiting for him to be the one to make the first move, and/or thinking that things are going to get better on their own, you have to know that your relationship will continue to deteriorate and will probably end.
If, however, you are willing to admit that things are not going to get better on their own, acknowledge that there are changes that need to take place, and you’re ready to do the work it will take to turn things around and reignite the love, peace, and romance in your relationship, then reach out to me so that we can talk about where your relationship is, where you would like it to be, and what you can begin doing right away to create that shift!
I’ve reserved a few slots in my schedule next week to speak specifically to women who are ready to begin transforming their relationships.
Just click here to set up a time for a Love Clarity call!
You deserve to have the happy, fulfilling relationship your heart truly desires with the man you love! Let’s connect and talk about how you can make your dreams come true!
Questions? Comments? Let us know below! We love hearing from you!
A few weeks ago, Michelle and I hosted a Live Group Coaching Call, where we had the opportunity to coach some of the women in our community on what has been stopping them from attracting love into their lives.
Each woman had a unique story and each demonstrated courage and vulnerability as she opened up her heart and allowed Michelle and I to guide her through taking a look within to identify something that was hidden in her blind spot that was causing her to repeat patterns that were blocking love from entering into her life.
In today’s Coaching Clip we’d like to share one of those coaching sessions with you, so that you can experience what it’s like to have a real breakthrough.
As you listen to the coaching session, we invite you to take the coaching in and make it apply to what you are experiencing in your own life.
What are you hiding from in relationships?
Who are you pretending to be in your relationships?
What is it you don’t want your date, lover, or husband to see?
What are you afraid will happen if he discovers who you really are – behind the mask?
What patterns have you been repeating in your relationships?
And what do you think is standing in the way of you breaking free from past fears, patterns, and beliefs so that you can experience the love you dream of?
Click below to listen to our coaching session with Vivi and how she was about to clearly see what had been standing in the way of her experiencing the kind of relationships her heart desires.
There will be a Group Coaching Call at the end of each training session so that we can help guide you through your own inner journey and identify the fears, doubts, and limiting beliefs that are stopping you from experiencing the love you desire.
It’s really heartbreaking to us when we meet women who seem to be okay with putting their happiness to the side, especially when it comes to being in a happy, loving relationship. We don’t know if you are one of them, but, in case you are, we hope you’ll understand that we are taking a stand for you right now!
And you may not like what I’m about to say, but that’s okay!
http://www.heartsdesireintl.com/ReadytoLoveAgain
If you have been complaining about your love life, crying to your friends and family about how unfair it is that you’re still not married, that your ex is moving on with his life, and that you can’t seem to meet someone to whom you feel attracted and connected, and you still haven’t signed up for the “Ready to Love Again” 6-Week Course, only one question remains:
How much longer will you put off love?
Here’s the thing:
We know you didn’t want your heart broken. We know that you didn’t plan on having things turn out the way they did. We know that if you would have known better, you would have avoided the heartache from the start.
We also know that if you knew how to make changes on your own, you would. We know that you simply would not continue making the same mistakes that have kept you feeling sad, lonely, and like maybe there really isn’t any hope for you when it comes to being happy and loved inside of a relationship if you could help it.
This is why we have created this program.
The “Ready to Love Again” 6-Week Course was designed specifically to help you identify what has been stopping you from moving forward in your love life. In this program, you will identify and dismantle the fears, limiting beliefs, and patterns that you have been repeating over and over again so that you can create new and empowering thoughts and behaviors that will lead you to experiencing the love you want.
But you have to be willing to get out of your own way.
You have to be prepared to stop the self-sabotaging behaviors.
You have to be ready to allow love into your heart.
We’re here to help.
There is still time to register so that you can join us tomorrow< Wednesday, March 12th at 9:00pm ET for the first session.
There’s still time to get your questions answered and to move beyond the reasons, the excuses, and all of the limiting and disempowering thoughts that keep making you believe that this course won’t work for you. It WILL work for youif you allow it to, if you’re willing to do the work, and if you let us guide you through the process of preparing yourself to welcome love – real, reciprocated, and extraordinary love – into your life.
If you have questions, stop hiding out, blending into the background, and pretending like what you want isn’t important, because it is! Just email us and let us know what questions you need answered so that we can get you registered into the course and into our online community right away!
Be bold. Be courageous. And be there tomorrow for Session 1!
We love you and can’t wait to begin this journey with you!
If you’re tired of attracting unavailable, unfaithful, and non-committing men into your life, then you’ll want to click below and listen to today’s Coaching Clip!
One of the common complaints Michelle and I hear from women is that they keep seeing a pattern emerging in their love life and relationships. For some women, it’s that they keep attracting unavailable or unfaithful men. For others, it’s that men often disappear after they have been physically intimate with them. And others complain that they just can’t seem to find someone with whom they feel any real attraction or connection.
At times it can seem as if these things just “keep happening” to you. The truth, however, is that, this pattern is something that you are creating in your life.
Now, I know what you’re thinking:
“Why in the world would I continue to create something I don’t want?”
I understand. It seems crazy to think that you would do something that would have you continue experiencing pain, frustration and sadness. However, the truth is that most of the time, you are doing this subconsciously. You’re not even aware that you’re doing it!
So, why does this happen?
Many times, the harmful patterns you create in your life are triggered by a fear, doubt, or limiting belief that you are subconsciously trying to prove correct and keep alive. There was something that happened in your past, and you made a decision that it would never happen again. In trying to avoid having that pattern reappear, you continue creating and gathering evidence to support the beliefs you made up (“I’m not good enough,” “I don’t deserve to be happy,””I’m just not good at relationships.”).
In today’s Coaching Clip, you’ll hear how Michelle guides Melisa to discover a truth she had been unable to see for herself before that has led to her attract unavailable and unfaithful men. The truth she discovers in this clip is something many people had told her about in the past. While she wasn’t ready to hear it then, she was ready during the Live Group Coaching Call we hosted a few weeks ago.
Listen in and see how Michelle guides Melisa and helps her identify the belief about herself that has had her repeatedly attract unavailable men into her life. Notice Melisa’s courage and her unwillingness to stay stuck anymore! It’s truly inspiring!
One of the powerful aspects of group coaching is that, even if you’re not the person being coached, you get to listen to, receive the coaching, and apply it in your own life.
As you listen to this Coaching Clip, I invite you to put yourself in Melisa’s place.
What is the limiting belief you keep proving over and over again in your life and relationships?
What is the pattern that keeps showing up because of this?
And, most importantly, are you ready to finally put an end to it?
If you are, after you listen to the coaching clip, reply to this send us an email letting us know what the pattern you want to stop is, and Michelle and I will be happy to help you break through it once and for all!
Click Below to Listen to Today’s Coaching Clip!
P.S. Melisa was courageous enough to be willing to look within, listen to the coaching she was getting , and then make the decision to sign up for the “Ready to Love Again” 6-Week Course. If you’re ready to change your life, get unstuck, and have the love you want, sign up for now!
Questions? Comments? Let us know below! We love hearing from you!
Those of you who know us, know that we lovesurprises! Well, Michelle and I are in beautiful and sunny San Diego, and we have a really special message for you! But you need to act NOW and watch this video, before our plane lands in Florida! (You’ll see what we mean when you watch the video!)
We’re excited to give you this awesome gift, but you need to act now, so that you don’t miss out!
P.S. If you’ve been stuck, worried about what to do next, or wondering what your next step in getting your love life back on track is, stop waiting and get into action NOW! We’ll see you when our plane lands!
There’s probably nothing more frustrating, depressing, and debilitating than the idea that you can’t change your circumstances – particularly when it comes to your love life.
When things aren’t going the way you hoped they would – whether it’s due to a break-up, a “dry spell” in your dating life, or a relationship that has slowly (or rapidly) been losing its spark – this can leave you feeling hopeless and like there’s nothing you can really do to change what is happening. This feeling of hopelessness then leads to you standing still and feeling “stuck” as you watch your life, hopes, and dreams unravel, while you silently wait for someone or something to magically appear to rescue you from your situation.
The bad news is: There is no cavalry coming to rescue you.
The great news is: You don’t need a cavalry! You have the power to turn things around!
So what are some signs that you’re stuck in your love life and what can you do to get unstuck and start living and loving again?
1. You keep hoping and wishing things will change on their own.
If it’s been a while since your last break up and you’re still holding on, waiting and hoping that he’ll change his mind and reconsider coming back to you; or you’re avoiding going out and meeting new people while you’re also complaining that you don’t want to be alone, you’re stuck! Wishing, hoping, waiting, and complaining are not going to change a single thing about your situation. The only way to create a change is to make a change! And that means letting go of a man who does not see what he’s missing and is not trying to create a loving relationship with you, and going out so that you can attract one who will!
If you’re in a relationship and you’ve been ignoring the signs that he’s been distant and withdrawn, while silently wondering where the romantic, loving guy you used to know is going to return, you’re stuck! Ignoring the signs that your relationship is changing is not going to make that romance reappear. This doesn’t mean you begin hounding him about it, issuing threats and ultimatums, or suggesting counseling. What it means is looking to see where you haven’t been being the woman he fell in love with and focus your attention there (See #2 for more about this).
2. You blame people and circumstances outside of yourself for the reason why you’re stuck.
Blaming the past, your parents, your ex, your circumstances, or anything outside of yourself for not being able to move forward is a sure way of staying stuck! Now, this doesn’t mean you blame yourself, either. However, if you can take responsibility for the role you have played up to this point in having things turn out the way they are, you also get to take the credit for turning things around.
So, what are some of the things you haven’t been willing to do to make a change in your love life? Where have you been pointing the mirror outside of yourself to avoid being responsible for taking a step toward having the life and love you say you want? And, most importantly, what will your first step toward that life and love be?
3. You believe you “deserve” to be going through what you’re going through.
One of the “traps” that can keep you stuck is the idea that you somehow “deserve” to be sad and alone, rather than happy and fulfilled. This has to do with how you see yourself. And, the truth is that no one else is going to love and put you first until you love and put yourself first.
You were not placed on this earth to suffer, be alone, or feel unloved. You are worthy, deserving, and were created to love and be loved! If there is something you need to forgive yourself for, then be gentle with yourself, forgive yourself, and move on. Grant yourself the permission to feel happy and allow the love deserve and desire to make its way into your life and heart!
4.You tell everyone who will listen about your heartache.
Perhaps the greatest trap of all comes from getting other people’s agreement about how right you are in feeling so sad and alone. The people in your life love you, but they don’t always give you the advice you need to stop feeling sorry for yourself and move on. They’ll listen to you complain (over and over again), they’ll nod as you “villanize” the person whose hurt you, and agree with you that he was a jerk, that you’ve had it rough, and that you are so right to feel the way you are feeling. While talking about your feelings is helpful, repeating the story over and over again to gain sympathy and agreement moves nothing forward. It keeps you replaying the same song about how you’ll never be happy or loved the way you want to be. Truth be told, most of the time, your friends and family are going to tell you what you want to hear. They will also advise you from their own fears and insecurities, which may not be the objective, life-changing type of counsel you need in order to make a real change in your life (See #5, below!).
5. You’d rather stay stuck than reach out for help.
Everything in life comes down to a choice. You choose to be happy, or you choose to remain sad. You choose to cast blame and shame, or you choose to forgive. You choose to give up, or you choose to stand for yourself and make the changes that are going to lead to you having everything your heart desires.
One real step you can take toward getting unstuck in your love life is to reach out for help from coach who can guide you toward releasing yourself from the fears, doubts, and limiting beliefs of the past so that you can have a breakthrough in your love life and begin to experience the love, happiness, and romance you desire and deserve.
It’s difficult to see the ways you may be standing in your own way and blocking love from coming into your life. It takes courage to change old beliefs, stop harmful patterns, and begin taking new, unfamiliar steps toward the love you’ve always wanted.
Michelle and I are committed that you get to experience every bit of love, happiness, and romance your heart desires. We’re here to guide, encourage, and show you how you can transform your life. But you have to be willing to take the first step by reaching out to us!
The only thing in this world we have the power to truly change is ourselves.
If you’re single and ready to love again, then your first step can choosing to join us for the “Ready to Love Again” 6-Week Course that begins on March 12th. If you were unable to join us live for the “Ready to Love Again” Webinarwe created to tell you a little more about the course, clickhereto request the recording.
If you’re in a relationship or marriage, and you’re ready to begin doing what’s in your control to turn things around so that you can create a happy, fulfilling relationship with the man you love, contact us now to set up a time to talk!
If you’re tired of being sad and alone, feeling helpless and hopeless, and wondering when the fear and anxiety will change into happiness and peace, then gather your courage and reach out your hand. We’ve held the hands of hundreds of women around the world and we’d love to take yours and help guide you toward experiencing the life and love your heart desires!
Comments? Questions? Let us know below! We love hearing from you!
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