by heartsdesireintl | Jun 12, 2013 | breakups, Dating, Forgiveness, HDI Blog, Heart's Desire International, heartache, Infidelity, Intimacy, Love, Relationship Advice, Romance
by Gladys Diaz
I recently was the victim of a relationship, that ended after 3 years of me paying all the bills, buying all the food and anything else needed in our home, only to find out the man who I was basically babysitting was Facebooking with a woman from his past and hadn’t seen in over 20 years, on his phone, which I had turned back on for him, and he was telling this other woman they were soulmates! I was crushed, threw him out, and, of course, he owes me money that he promised to pay back! Now I am scared to even think of another relationship! How do I mend me and go on?
Thanks for reaching out with your question. I can hear how hurt and afraid you feel. It sounds like you were giving a lot and not getting much in return over the course of several years. However, I think that seeing yourself as a “victim” is giving him a lot more power than he deserves. You made some choices that you probably won’t choose to make again, but that doesn’t make you his “victim.”
I can understand you being a little weary about getting involved with someone else. You might feel like your intuition is “broken.” But if you’re willing to accept that a lot of what happened in your last relationship was a choice, then you’ll probably see where there were signs all along that he wasn’t the right guy for you. Maybe part of you thought you could help him so he’d be able to put his life together. Maybe part of you thought you could “save” him, or love him enough that he’d change. Whatever the reason, you chose to stay with him, and he ended up hurting you
One of the biggest steps we can take when healing and getting ready to move forward is being willing to look within and see where we played a role in the relationship, what lessons were learned, and then get really clear about what we want to experience in our next relationship.
I always tell my clients that, when we’re willing to take responsibility for the role we’ve played up to this point, we also get to take credit for turning our lives around! So, are you willing to accept that, for whatever reason, you chose to take care of and “babysit” him, even though you weren’t receiving what you wanted out of the relationship? And, if you’ve been beating yourself up about it, can you forgive yourself and just accept that it’s what you chose then, and you probably won’t choose to do that again?
So, I invite you to stop seeing yourself as a victim. Instead, gain power from this experience and trust yourself to make a better choice next time – one that leads you to having the love and happiness you deserve. And, as you do begin to meet new people, check in with yourself and see if you feel you are getting as much attention and affection as you are giving. If you’re not, ask yourself why you are choosing to settle for less than what you want and deserve to experience. And if you are, then open your heart and allow yourself to receive his time, love, and attention freely, knowing that you are getting the you deserve and that your heart desires!
Comments? Questions? Let us know. We love hearing from you!
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by heartsdesireintl | Jun 9, 2013 | breakups, Dating, Heart's Desire International, heartache, Infidelity, Love, Marriage, Relationship Advice
by Gladys Diaz
I have been dating with my boyfriend for 3years and recently I found out that he had some affairs with other girls. When I confronted him, he told me nothing but that he was feeling he needed validation from other people. Then some days later he called me up and ended the relationship saying that he is not ready yet, that I was too good for him now, and that I should give him time to better himself. I felt so bad, so much so, that this situation affected my academics, and now I have been asked to withdraw from my course because I was not able to pass a certain number of papers. I feel so depressed and confused.
I really want to get out of this situation. I have taken sometime to forgive myself and forgive him. I have cut all contacts with him. I just want to be able to focus on what makes me happy right now. Right now I am in a dilemma because I am still not able to figure out what is next. I really need your help because I always find myself hoping things will get better with him someday. I really am myself when I am with him and he is a nice person.
I think that one of the most painful things a person can go through is being betrayed by someone they love. Creating a relationship involves so much vulnerability and the willingness to open our heart to someone, all the while knowing that there are no guarantees and that we might get hurt. Knowing this, however, doesn’t make the pain any less severe when we find that the person has betrayed our trust.
I know you refer to your ex-boyfriend as “a nice person,” and it’s possible that he’s very kind. However, it sounds from your email that there was more than one case of infidelity. So, as nice or kind as he may be, if he’s incapable of being faithful to you, then he simply is not the right guy for you. The truth is that you deserve to be with someone who chooses to be with you and only you.
If your ex had chosen to take responsibility for the infidelity, apologized and promised to be faithful and commit to making the relationship work, I’d tell you that, while it makes the journey a little more difficult once the trust has been broken in the relationship, with support, it is possible to truly forgive, recommit, and make things work.
The fact that he said he needs time to work on bettering himself, that he doesn’t feel you deserve him, and he’s not ready to commit to you right now, while painful to hear, is probably the kindest and most loving thing he could have done. Rather than continue to lie or pretend that he’s in this relationship 100%, he’s choosing to let you go, stop hurting you and, hopefully, focus on himself. This is actually something for which you can be grateful.
I hear you saying that you want to do the same and focus on what makes you happy right now, and that’s exactly what I’d recommend. This is the time to really focus on what you want for yourself and your life. If being in school is something that is important to you and having that career is something you really want, then I’d recommend speaking to whoever you need to speak to regarding what you can do to get back on track. If you haven’t been pampering yourself, taking time to just relax and replenish your heart, body, and spirit, now is the time to begin scheduling those things into your day. If you have girlfriends or family members who will support you in moving forward with your dreams, then surround yourself and spend time with them.
This is the time for you to take responsibility for your own happiness and to really focus on becoming the woman you were created to be. This is what is going to help you feel more confidence, joy, fulfillment, and peace of mind and heart. And it’s also what is going to make you very attractive to the man who is right for you. He will see your joy, confidence, and peace, and will be attracted to you and to the idea of adding to that happiness.
As for your ex and holding onto hope that things will get better, I know it’s difficult, but, if what you want is to experience a relationship where you are loved, honored, and respected, then you’re probably going to need to let go and close this chapter of your life so that you can begin to create the next one.
Trust that everything is happening just as it should. Trust that you found out for a reason and that the relationship ended for a reason. And trust that you can and will have a relationship where the man chooses to love, to commit, and to be with you and only you, because that is what you deserve!
Comments? Questions? Let us know. We love hearing from you!
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by heartsdesireintl | Jun 7, 2013 | breakups, Dating, Forgiveness, Gratitude, Heart's Desire International, heartache, Intimacy, Love, Relationship Advice, Romance
by Gladys Diaz
I had this long distance “relationship”(?) with a man for the past year. We spoke over the phone, having marathon sessions nightly or every other night. 2 hours, 3 hours, it seemed like time disappeared.
I developed a crazy crush (not attractive for a woman over 49) and my heart raced and fluttered when speaking or being with him after about the first 3 weeks. That crush made me speak incessantly (or maybe that’s just me), be giddy and flirty and funny and basically filled with the joy of love.
On two instances he just disappeared and then after a few weeks would come back. At the start of this year, we went 3 months without speaking. No closure, no communication about it. He just disappeared and went silent; no return of voice mails, phone calls, texts…nothing.
Two weeks ago he left me this eloquent (or so I thought?) voice mail that he still loves and cares about me and to call him back if I want. Well, I called him back and he called me back two weeks later and the call went awful. I started off great and then out of my mouth I started rambling, babbling about what I was thinking, how I felt. I believe I told him his actions don’t match his words. How would I know he cares about me? That would be hard to tell…
I haven’t heard from him since.
I really want to reconnect with him. Sometimes I really miss him. I really felt I had a soul connection with this man, yet the heightened crush (which wasn’t even physical) caught me by surprise. I would love to at least to get some closure like two adults instead of beating myself up, feeling like something I did pushed him away, making myself wrong and blaming myself for knowing better than to allow my heightened crush to take my brain away and have me be giddy like a school girl and God knows what else?
Do you recommend I call him? Just leave it? Learn the lesson to be grounded next time? This has caused me such pain and feeling so thrown aside, disregarded, disrespected, and this man does not seem like that kind of man. My self-esteem has taken a nose dive.
It can be really frustrating when we’re getting to know someone and, all of a sudden, he disappears. It’s not that uncommon when dating, because, many times, people are seeing different people at the same time, so it may be that the person starts getting to know someone else with whom he’s exploring the possibility of being in a relationship with, and begin spending more time with her. It’s not “wrong.” Before there’s an actual commitment, it’s perfectly okay to be seeing several people at the same time (Note: I said it’s okay to date several people at the same time, not sleep with a bunch of people at the same time… BIG difference!).
Another theory is that some men, when they begin to feel really close to a woman, tend to pull away for a bit to get clear on what it is that they want. Relationship expert John Gray refers to this as “the rubber band effect,” and he says that, if a man is ready to commit, he’ll snap back stronger and more committed than ever.
From your email, it sounds like he would disappeared on and off throughout your friendship (notice how I did not call it “a relationship,” because, as my sister and business partner, Michelle always says: It isn’t a relationship… until it is).
Even after he reappeared this time, however, he disappeared again after your response and didn’t contact you for another two weeks. Since he’s not the one reaching out for advice or coaching, there’s nothing you can do to control whether or not he calls you or not, and I have no way of knowing why he’s choosing to do what he’s doing, I’m not going to focus on him. Instead, I invite you to take a look at yourself and ask yourself whether this is the kind of pattern you’re interested in continuing to allow and experience?
While I can’t be 100% sure from your email, it sounds as if this was the only guy you were getting to know, which means that you weren’t dating other people during the time that the two of you were speaking on the phone. I can tell you really liked him, and that you hoped it would to turn into something more “permanent,” but, when we stop seeing other people before a commitment is made, we cheat ourselves out of possibly allowing someone else – someone equally or even more wonderful – to enter our lives and give us the experience we do want to have in a relationship. That has us get attached to the person and it’s tempting to keep holding on, hoping that he will change, even when we’re unhappy.
You asked whether you should call him, just leave it, or learn the lesson to be grounded next time. My answers: No, yes, and yes.
I wouldn’t recommend calling him. I get that the last conversation you had didn’t go well. It sounds as if it the call was focused on making him “wrong” for not having called you. Granted, anyone would be tempted to find out why someone had just dropped out existence. However, when a guy reaches out again after some time, it’s usually because he’s been procrastinating having that “first call.” Why? Because most guys know it’s probably not going to go well, and they’d rather avoid the situation altogether!
Does that mean you shouldn’t have expressed how you were feeling? Not at all! If you think back and focus on what you were really feeling, chances are that 3 words would have communicated your feelings purely, without making him wrong. They are: I miss you. That’s it. Everything after that would be trying to get him to feel badly about what he did or didn’t do and telling him what he should or shouldn’t have done. All of that can be captured in three other words: nagging and complaining. And, ladies, men do not like, nor are they inspired to change by nagging!
So, my advice is that you let this go. That’s how you’ll get closure for yourself. Holding onto this situation and to him, beating yourself up, hoping that each time the phone rings or an email or text comes in it’s from him is not serving you.
Let it go.
Focus, not only on “the lesson” learned, but on all of the things for which you are grateful as a result of this friendship – all of the things you learned about yourself and what you want to experience in a relationship.
And then, open your heart again to allow the love of someone who is going to treat you with love and tenderness and give you all of the attention that you desire and deserve to come in!
Hope this helps! Let me know!
Questions? Comments? Let us know below! We love hearing from you!
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by heartsdesireintl | Jun 5, 2013 | breakups, Dating, Forgiveness, Gratitude, HDI Blog, Heart's Desire International, heartache, Intimacy, Love, Marriage, Parenting, Relationship Advice, Romance
by Gladys Diaz
One of my favorite parts about the work that I do is being able to connect with and make a real difference for the people with whom I work. There really is nothing more rewarding to me than guiding a woman through her biggest fears, greatest blocks, and limiting beliefs, and having her come through more empowered and confident than ever, with the promise of her heart’s desires being fulfilled on the other side!
I don’t always get an opportunity to connect with everyone in our community on a personal level, but lately I’ve been trying to think of ways to create opportunities for more personal connections, where I can hear from and share with you on a more consistent basis.
Well, those of you who know me know that I don’t believe in coincidences, and that I do believe that everything that happens does so at the perfect time and for a specific reason. That’s why yesterday, when I read about a 30-Day Challenge yesterday, I got excited!
And the best part is YOU get to be part of it, too!
One of the groups I’m very proud to be part of is the Social Media Club of South Florida. The members are participating in a 30-Day Blogging Challenge during the month of June.
So, why is this exciting and how can you be part of it?
The 30-Day Blogging Challenge I participated in last year is what helped me to start blogging on a more consistent basis. I joined the group right before the last challenge began and it motivated me to create “Your Heart’s Desire Thought of the Day,” where, for 30 days, I blogged about a different dating and relationship topic each day. People enjoyed it, I loved reading and responding to the comments, and, when the challenge ended, I had several requests to continue with the daily messages (If you were one of those people, consider this your request being granted!).
Another reason I’m so excited is because I’ll be doing things a little differently this time. Instead of me coming up with the 30 topics I’ll be blogging about, this time, I will be answering your questions about love, dating, and relationships! That’s right! All you have to do is ask me a question via email or our Facebook page, and I will answer your question in one of the blog posts during the month of June! Your name will be kept confidential on the blog post, and you’ll have the opportunity to have some of your burning questions answered!
Here’s all you need to do:
- Type the words “Burning Question” in the subject line of your email or in your Facebook comment.
- Send your question via email to gladys@heartsdesireintl.com or post your question on our Facebook page at www.facebook.com/heartsdesireintl.
- Once the question gets answered, I’ll send you an email or Facebook message letting you know that your question’s been answered on Heart’s Desire’s blog.
That’s it!
Now, I really need your help, because today is June 5th, and the challenge began on June 1st! Believing that it’s never too late for anything wonderful to happen (in life or relationships!), I want to get started right away – as in tomorrow, June 6th! So, if you have a question (or 2… or 3) that you’d like answered, just send me an email or go to our Facebook page and ask it NOW! And, please don’t wait to see if someone else asks first. I need to answer 30 questions in 30 days and I want yours to be one of them.
Just send me any questions you have about:
- dating
- love
- sex
- relationships
- parenting
- romance
- marriage
- breakups
- avoiding divorce
- intimacy
- any other burning questions you have
So, go ahead! Make my day and partner with me to make this next 30 days ones that make a huge difference for you and the thousands of others people who are going to benefit from reading the answer to your question!
Questions? Comments? Let us know! We love hearing from you!
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by heartsdesireintl | May 23, 2013 | breakups, Dating, Forgiveness, Gratitude, heartache, Intimacy, Love, Marriage, Relationship Advice
by Gladys Diaz
“I am a little pencil in the hand of a writing God who is sending a love letter to the world.”
~ Mother Teresa of Calcutta
Every once in a while, you create something that not only inspires you, but you hope will inspire others. When I was invited to write an Inspiration for the Inspire Me Today website, I was asked to think about what I would say if I had to leave a message to the world in 500 words or less! I thought to myself, “I can do this! I have so much to share!” Well, I must have written at least 5 different drafts and several revisions of each one! Okay… Maybe this wasn’t as easy a writing task as I’d thought.
After all, this was going to go down in history (or at least in an online archive, somewhere) as my message to the world.
Just how was I supposed to select one message that captured my biggest lesson, my deepest beliefs, and the difference I want to make for people in 500 words or less? What could I say?
Well, after writing and revising several drafts, I finally hit “Submit” and sent in my Inspiration. The article was accepted and published on May 2nd, and I received wonderful feedback about it. Then, yesterday, I received a wonderful surprise! They liked my article so much, they chose to share it on the Care2.com, which has over 22,000,000 subscribers! Over 22,000,000 lives may be touched my message!
Are there other messages I’d like to leave behind – about the power of love, the freedom of forgiveness, the transformational practice of gratitude, the gift of hope, the joy that it is to live a life where we have the power to create our own miracles, and so many more messages I have bubbling inside of me just waiting to be shared with the world? Absolutely!
But, for now, this is my message – my Inspiration – and I share it with all of my love, from my heart to yours.
Click here to read “Are You Choosing Fear Over Love?”
I’d really like to express my heartfelt thanks to Gail Lynne Goodwin and her team – especially Kristan Sartor – for, not only allowing me to share my Inspiration with the world, but for also helping me to promote the From Heartache to Your Heart’s Desires telesummit so that more people can join the thousands already participating and allowing the messages of love, healing, forgiveness, hope, and transformation to help them go from heartache to experiencing the life and loved their hearts desire!
If you’d like to experience the messages of 27 of the leading experts in dating, relationships, healing, and transformation, you can sign up here.
Questions? Comments? Let us know! We love hearing from you!
Image courtesy of FreeDigitalPhotos.net
by heartsdesireintl | May 20, 2013 | breakups, Dating, Forgiveness, HDI Blog, heartache, Intimacy, Love, Marriage, Relationship Advice, Romance
by Gladys Diaz
When I began working on the From Heartache to Your Heart’s Desires Telesummit, I didn’t know exactly what it would look like, who the experts would be, or who, if anyone would register to participate. I only knew that, if I was going to put that much time and effort into something, I wanted it to make a real difference! So I made myself and all of the future participants a promise that I would do everything in my power to make sure that the telesummit was something of value – something that would cause hearts to open and lives to change. I made a promise that, at the end of this telesummit, people would feel empowered to break through the pain and fear of the past and the heartache they had experienced and feel ready to step out boldly and courageously into a new future filled with the possibility of loving and being loved again.
Well, based on the testimonials I’ve been getting from participants, I can confidently say that the promise is being fulfilled! But don’t take my word for it. See for yourself the difference that this telesummit is making in people’s lives!
“I am ready to find love again. I actually believe!”
Gladys,
I just wanted to let you know that your telesummit is the BEST love telesummit I have yet to participate in!
What is so incredible about yours is that the entire hour or less, even 50 or 55 minutes is filled with 50 minutes of deep valuable context, tips, tools, questions, techniques that the listener can use RIGHT AWAY in our lives. I mean, we can get off the phone and live from that context or use those tips or questions or that process immediately.
AND to boot! There really is SOMETHING for every single person on the call whether you are single or married in every single interview. I don’t have to miss an interview about partnerships or incredible sex as you always bring what there is for single people listening or someone not quite ready to date and getting over heartache! Hello…this one is me, not quite ready to let the last dream go!
What is incredible is that from participating in your telesummit – and this never happened to me in other telesummit – I am ready to find love again. I actually believe! I really believe he is out there and the love I will bring will be better than ever, healthier than ever, all because of the soul nurturing, spirit expanding and honoring context I have gained from listening to your telesummit. I never believed it was possible after 50, and now I do! And I can learn to do the deep work within and not make it about anyone or him out there or about something lacking in me. But I can learn with self love and forgiveness and compassion and bring that out into the world. I feel expansive and larger in some way. Like my spirit has opened again and so has my heart.
In short (ha ha ha), I am just so grateful and appreciative of you, this telesummit you have put together and your hostess abilities. Thank-you, from the bottom of my unclosed heart that is ready to love again and believe in love again. I really didn’t expect that to come out of this summit. I really thought I would grieve for another few years about my husband who got away because I blew it and should know better at the age of 50! Thank-you is not enough to say but thank-you for healing my broken heart and opening me up to the possibility of love again, even better, even healthier!
I feel like I am having a spiritual awakening in the area of self love, self care and how I am thinking about and who I am being in relationship. From a telesummit! I never would have thought that was possible. On some level, it’s like the context that each speaker brings is resonating and touching my soul. I am willing to do the deep work. ~ L
So, there you have it! The power of a promise fulfilled! And this is just one of the many testimonials I receive daily via emails and our Facebook page! It’s simply inspiring!
The promise is there for you, too!
If you are ready to break through the pain, fear, and resignation that have been holding you back, keeping you stuck, and not allowing you to let love flow to, through, and from you so that you can begin to experience the love of your dreams, then I invite you to join the telesummit. It’s not too late! (It never is!) There are several interviews posted and there will be a few All-Access Replay Days this week, where you can listen to ALL of the interviews that have been featured throughout the interview.
Just do it! Take a leap of faith and up, make sure you confirm your email address (or you won’t receive follow-up emails), and begin listening to the interviews that most call out to you.
You deserve happiness. You deserve freedom from the past. And you deserve to experience the life and love your heart desires!
See you on the other side!
P.S. If you missed the interviews featured during Weeks 1 or 2, there is no need to worry! If you’d really prefer to not have to wait to listen to recordings until they air or replay, after signing up you can upgrade your subscription to VIP Membership, where you’ll receive MP3 recordings of all of the interviews and links to all of the free gifts! But, first, you need to register, so go to: http://www.heartachetoheartsdesires.com NOW!
To read more testimonials, just visit Heart’s Desire International’s Facebook page and look at the pinned post at the top of the page!
Comments? Questions? Let us know! We love hearing from you!
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