When we begin a new relationship, we are so happy, hopeful, and excited about sharing our love and life with a wonderful man. I honestly don’t know of anyone who gets into a relationship with the intention of causing themselves or the other person heartache. We usually begin with the intention of making the relationship work.
That’s why there’s probably nothing more frightening than being in a relationship and noticing how the love, passion, and intimacy are beginning to fade away. At first, it may not be very obvious. It can seem like your lives have just gotten busier with work, kids, and other responsibilities. Maybe you’re not kissing, hugging or having as much sex as you used to, you’re not talking or connecting as often with one another; when you are talking, it seems like you usually end up in an argument.
I speak with women almost every day who are in this situation and who are wondering if there is any hope for their relationships. The women usually fall into one of these categories.
In Denial.
If you’re in denial, then you’re ignoring the changes that are taking place. You may be rationalizing and telling yourself that this type of thing is “normal” in a relationship, that all relationships go through slumps, and that this is just a phase you and your guy are going through.
The problem with denial is that, in ignoring the fact that there may be a problem, you also avoid doing anything to fix or change what is happening. The likelihood that things are going to “just get better on their own” is slim to none. Instead, the intimacy and romance will continue to deteriorate until nothing is left and you’ll find yourself asking yourself, “What happened? How did we get here?”
In Blame Mode.
If you’re in “blame mode,” then you’ve begun looking at all of the things the man you love is doing wrong to ruin the relationship. Not only do you see everything he is doing and saying wrong, but you make sure you point it out to him every chance you get. You see where he’s not being loving or romantic, where he’s not making an effort to connect, where he’s not initiating sex. It’s blatantly obvious to you that if he would just change, then the relationship would be fine.
The problem with being in blame mode is that you are making your man responsible for everything that is not going right in the relationship, and avoiding owning up to the role you have been playing in allowing things to get to this point. Inside of blaming him, you don’t have to be responsible for what you are doing (or not doing) to impact the love and intimacy in the relationship. Regardless of whether or not he is making some mistakes, the truth is that you can’t control or change him or what he’s doing. The only person you can truly control is yourself. So, until you begin owning the part you are playing in having your relationship unravel, you can’t do anything to turn things around.
Unsure of What to Do.
If you’re a woman in this category, it’s likely that you realize that your relationship is in trouble, you are willing to acknowledge that there are things you can do to change the dynamic of the relationship, but you don’t know what those things are or how to begin making the changes. You may have tried some things on your own that either backfired or didn’t produce the results you hoped for. You may be afraid to do anything because you are scared to mess things up even further. Or you may really be afraid of trying to make changes, only to find that nothing changes.
This is the category of hope! Where there is a willingness to change, change is possible! Your uncertainty comes from not knowing where to begin. So it stands to reason that with the right information, tools, and support, you will be able to make the changes that will help shift the dynamic in your relationship!
If you fall into either of the first two categories – denial or blame mode – pay close attention, because the truth is that if you continue ignoring the changes in your relationship, pretending they are not happening, waiting for him to be the one to make the first move, and/or thinking that things are going to get better on their own, you have to know that your relationship will continue to deteriorate and will probably end.
If, however, you are willing to admit that things are not going to get better on their own, acknowledge that there are changes that need to take place, and you’re ready to do the work it will take to turn things around and reignite the love, peace, and romance in your relationship, then reach out to me so that we can talk about where your relationship is, where you would like it to be, and what you can begin doing right away to create that shift!
I’ve reserved a few slots in my schedule next week to speak specifically to women who are ready to begin transforming their relationships.
Just click here to set up a time for a Love Clarity call!
You deserve to have the happy, fulfilling relationship your heart truly desires with the man you love! Let’s connect and talk about how you can make your dreams come true!
Questions? Comments? Let us know below! We love hearing from you!
This week is Autism Awareness Week. When we first learned of my son’s diagnosis, I was terrified. I didn’t know what it would mean for him or us, and I was afraid that there were things he wouldn’t be able to experience because it. We’ve spent the last four years doing everything we can to teach, help, and empower him to do everything he can to reach his highest potential. Time and time again, he’s managed to surprise and amaze us by overcoming challenges the books and “experts” say would be difficult for him.
This weekend, Nico will be achieving another huge milestone. He’s going on his first camping trip without me!
I’m not going to pretend that I’m perfectly “okay” with this. I’m afraid. He’ll be sleeping alone in a tent, outdoors, hours away, and I won’t be there to help him, speak up for him, or take care of any challenges that might come up.
I’ve had moments when I’ve broken down, I’ve been praying up a storm, and, this morning I ran two miles in his honor, just so that I could work some of the anxiety out of my body!
I’ve also been doing a lot of the fear exercises we teach our clients! (I practice what I teach!)
But Nico says he that wants to do this, and he wants to do it alone.
He looked me straight in the eye (a challenge for people with Asperger’s) and said, “Mama, I can handle this.”
So I’m standing in faith!
I’m trusting that God will watch over him and that the adult and Boy Scout leaders will watch out for and be there for him.
I’m trusting that he will be able to work through his challenges and ask for help, if he needs it.
And I’m trusting that, even when my fears come up this weekend, I will be able to work through them and get to the other side of fear: freedom!
How will I work through my fears? I’ll follow the same steps we teach our clients!
You can use these steps whenever you are facing a fear related to dating, your relationship, career, health, or any other area of your life!
Realize that fears are only imagined thoughts.
Although the fear and anxiety you experience when you’re afraid feels real at the time, the truth is that whatever you’re thinking about is not actually happening. It’s only the thought of what might happen that is causing you to worry.
If you can remind yourself that what you are afraid of is not actually happening in reality – right here and now – you can immediately suck some of the power out of that fear!
Remind yourself of what is actually happening.
Once you are able to see your fears as imagined thoughts, then you want to bring yourself to the present moment and to what is actually happening. Where are you sitting, who are you with, what is taking place around you?
Redirect your mind to focus on what is actually happening so that you can reinforce the thought that what you fear is just a thought and it’s not really happening.
Create an empowering thought to replace the fearful one.
Regardless of whether or not you believe it to be true, your thoughts are what create your reality. Rather than tormenting yourself with fearful thoughts that you are allowing to rob you of your peace and power, redirect your mind to more empowering thoughts.
Remind yourself of how strong, beautiful, and powerful you are. Remind yourself that you are capable, courageous, and confident.
You may be asking,“But how can I believe this if it’s not true?”
Well, consider that your imagined fear isn’t true, either, but you chose to believe that thought, so you can choose to believe your empowering thought instead!
The only reason our fears and doubts seem so real and powerful is because of all of the time and energy we have spent thinking them. If you want to have a different experience of yourself and your life, begin thinking different thoughts.
It make take some time and lots of repetition until these new empowering thoughts take root, but the more your practice saying them to yourself, the easier it will become to believe them. And, before you know it, they will begin to kick in the moment you begin to experience a fearful thought!
Now,that’s power!
So, when you read this article, if you have a moment, please send a positive thought or prayer Nico’s and my way! If you want to post it below, in the comments, I’ll make sure I show it to him before he leaves or when he gets back on Sunday!
And, the next time you begin to experience fear, remember Nico’s words, “I can handle this,” and work through the steps to move your thoughts from fear to faith to freedom!
Questions? Comments? Let us know below! We love hearing from you!
This afternoon, Michelle and I had an opportunity to join our friend and host of Social Chats, Tonya Scholz and her co-host, Dean Bairaktaris to discuss why and how men and women communicate differently and how understanding these differences can make or break a relationship.
It was an interesting topic, to say the least!
The truth is that good communication is at the heart of making a relationship work. But “good communication” isn’t just about you saying what you want the other person to hear. It involves understanding how to say what it is you want to say so that the other person can understand what is being said. It’s also about understanding and accepting that there are differences in the way that men and women speak, hear, process, and use the information being delivered and received.
If we can begin to understand these differences, and accept them as not as “right” or “wrong,” “better” or “worse,” but simply as different, we are on our way to improving and bring peace to all of our relationships – our romantic relationships, the relationship we have with our family and friends, those with our co-workers, and, yes, even the relationship between countries!
Below are some of the main differences we spoke about on the show.
Women tend to speak a lot more than men do,
The fact is that most women tend to speak more – a lot more – than men do. For example, research shows that, while most women tend to speak about 20,000 words a day, most men speak about 10,000 words in a day. That means that there is a 50% difference between the amount of talking that is being done between men and women.
This is why, while women tend to want to include what we feel are “important details” when telling a story or relaying information, men tend to want us to just “get to the point.” It’s also why you’ll begin to see that “glazed” look come across a man’s face when there are simply too many words being said. It’s not that he doesn’t care or doesn’t want to listen. It’s just that there’s so much coming at him at once, it’s difficult to figure out what it is you are really trying to say.
If, as women, we can understand this, then we can begin to get clear about what it is we want to say so that he can actually hear it!
Women’s and men’s brains process emotional information differently.
While men’s brains tend to process better in the left hemisphere – which is more logical and factual, women tend to process equally between both hemispheres. There are actually more areas of the woman’s brains that connect their ability to feel, process, and speak about their feelings, then in the man’s brain. This is why, if a woman is communicating very emotionally, she may have the experience that the man “doesn’t care,” because he isn’t saying anything right away. It possible that what he’s doing is processing the information coming at him. He’s actually having to “sift” through all of the emotions coming at him, coupled with the tone of voice, volume level, tears (if there are any), the intensity with which the actual words are being delivered.
If, as women, we can understand this, then we can begin to be responsible forthe manner in which we are communicating, and choose to wait until we can do so in a calm and rationale manner so that (1) he can actually hear what we’re saying, and (2) so that the processing time can be shorter.
Women tend to want to talk about several things at once, while men are more single-focused
There are two difference that fall under this category.
Men are single-focused individuals. While a woman can talk about what happened during the day, the fact that she’s worried about her friend’s surgery, and the argument that she had with a co-worker, men tend to be single-minded. That means that they will communicate better if there is one topic being addressed at a time.
By the way, ladies, this is also why he’s not listening when you’re talking to him during the game! It’s not that he doesn’t care, it’s that he’s focused on something else. It’s not personal, so don’t take it personally!
Men prefer transition time. If a man has been dealing with something at work, working on a project, or doing something that takes a lot of his attention and energy and you want to have a conversation with him, it’s probably a good idea to give him some transition time, or, what I refer to as “time to decompress.”
Allowing some time for his attention and energy to transition from one activity or topic to the other means that, when you do finally get to communicate with him, the conversation is probably going to go a lot better than if you approach him with a machine gun of questions, topics, and decisions that need to be made right away.
If, as women, we can understand and accept this difference, then we can allow time to pass so that when we finally do have the conversation we’d like to have with him, he can be present, attentive, and responsive to what we are saying.
The most important thing to keep in mind is that the communication styles between men and women are “different,” does not mean that one is better or worse than the other.
If we can bring both understanding and acceptance to these differences, we’ll not only be able to improve the level and type of communication we have in our relationships, but we’ll also experience more peace, happiness, and intimacy as a result!
Feel free to contact usif you’d like more information on how you can learn learn how to communicate more effectively with members of the opposite sex!
We’ll be sharing the actual interview in our next article!
For more information on Social Chats, visit: http://socialchats.net/
Questions? Comments? Let us know below! We love hearing from you!
A few weeks ago, Michelle and I hosted a Live Group Coaching Call, where we had the opportunity to coach some of the women in our community on what has been stopping them from attracting love into their lives.
Each woman had a unique story and each demonstrated courage and vulnerability as she opened up her heart and allowed Michelle and I to guide her through taking a look within to identify something that was hidden in her blind spot that was causing her to repeat patterns that were blocking love from entering into her life.
In today’s Coaching Clip we’d like to share one of those coaching sessions with you, so that you can experience what it’s like to have a real breakthrough.
As you listen to the coaching session, we invite you to take the coaching in and make it apply to what you are experiencing in your own life.
What are you hiding from in relationships?
Who are you pretending to be in your relationships?
What is it you don’t want your date, lover, or husband to see?
What are you afraid will happen if he discovers who you really are – behind the mask?
What patterns have you been repeating in your relationships?
And what do you think is standing in the way of you breaking free from past fears, patterns, and beliefs so that you can experience the love you dream of?
Click below to listen to our coaching session with Vivi and how she was about to clearly see what had been standing in the way of her experiencing the kind of relationships her heart desires.
There will be a Group Coaching Call at the end of each training session so that we can help guide you through your own inner journey and identify the fears, doubts, and limiting beliefs that are stopping you from experiencing the love you desire.
Last week, I had the honor of sitting on a panel at The Zone Event, which was hosted by my business coach, Shanda Sumpter. She invited me to share my story of how my relationship coaching practice has allowed me to work with and help women all over globe to attract, create, and nurture the relationship of their dreams!
For me, this moment itself was a dream come true!
As I prepared to share my story, I remembered all of the times when I questioned myself, when I wondered if I was on the right path, and whether I could really make the difference I feel I am called to make on this earth.
I remembered not knowing what to do, where to begin, and how to deal with mistakes I made.
I remembered all of the times that my coach was there to help me see what was stopping me from moving forward, push me past my comfort zone, and encourage me to keep moving forward, reminding me that my dream of helping women make their dreams come true was bigger than any fear, obstacle, or disappointment I might be facing.
And I thought about you.
What is it that you wonder about?
Do you question your ability to attract and create the relationship you’ve always dreamed of?
Do you wonder whether there is something “wrong” with you, because you keep having the same results in your relationships?
Are you afraid that there’s no hope for you or your relationship?
What’s important for you to know is that you are not alone in having these fears. You are like every other woman has ever wondered about whether she will ever really have the love and happiness her heart longs for.
So, what can you do to overcome your fears so that you can go after the desires of your heart?
Get clear about what you want.
It’s important that you be crystal-clear about what it is you want to experience in your relationship. Otherwise, you’ll find yourself settling for something less than that. Ask yourself:
How do I want my relationship to be?
What is the experience I want to have as I am in that relationship?
How will I know that I know that I am in the relationship of my dreams?
Identify what is stopping you from having what you want.
Behind the fears and doubts are some deep-seeded beliefs you have about yourself, men, and relationships. Until you identify what those beliefs are what it is that has been having you repeat patterns in dating and/or your relationship, it really won’t matter who you are with. The same thoughts and behaviors will come up, even when you are with the right man. Until they are uncovered, they remain hidden, and they will continue to impact what you do and who you choose to be when you are in a relationship with a man.
Be committed to moving past your blocks and toward your dreams.
It takes courage to admit what your heart desires and to move past your fears and doubts. It may be that right now you’re not sure about what to do or where to begin. So much of what stops us is in our blind spot, making it difficult to even know what is creating the block.
If you can be 100% honest with yourself and recognize that what you have been doing up to this point has not worked and you’re tired of having the same heart-breaking experiences, then perhaps you’re ready for a change!
If you’re reading this post, and you’re ready to begin working with someone who will help you create the results you want in your love life, trust that you are exactly where you need to be!
If you’re single, you still have a few more days before we close registration for the Ready to Love Again 6-Week Course. Let’s schedule time to get on the phone, talk about any questions you may have about the program, and get you registered right away so that we can send you the recording of Session 1 and you can join us for Saturday’s group coaching call!
If you’re in a relationship and you’re wondering how to restore the happiness, romance, and intimacy you once shared with the man you love, then let’s schedule time on the phone and get you started on the path toward transforming your relationship to one that exceeds your wildest dreams!
You can have everything your heart desires. It just takes courage, faith, inspired action, and the guidance of someone who is standing for you to do what it takes to make your dreams come true!
Contact us and let’s talk about how we can be that “someone” for you!
Questions? Comments? We’d love hearing from you! Let us know below!
It’s really heartbreaking to us when we meet women who seem to be okay with putting their happiness to the side, especially when it comes to being in a happy, loving relationship. We don’t know if you are one of them, but, in case you are, we hope you’ll understand that we are taking a stand for you right now!
And you may not like what I’m about to say, but that’s okay!
http://www.heartsdesireintl.com/ReadytoLoveAgain
If you have been complaining about your love life, crying to your friends and family about how unfair it is that you’re still not married, that your ex is moving on with his life, and that you can’t seem to meet someone to whom you feel attracted and connected, and you still haven’t signed up for the “Ready to Love Again” 6-Week Course, only one question remains:
How much longer will you put off love?
Here’s the thing:
We know you didn’t want your heart broken. We know that you didn’t plan on having things turn out the way they did. We know that if you would have known better, you would have avoided the heartache from the start.
We also know that if you knew how to make changes on your own, you would. We know that you simply would not continue making the same mistakes that have kept you feeling sad, lonely, and like maybe there really isn’t any hope for you when it comes to being happy and loved inside of a relationship if you could help it.
This is why we have created this program.
The “Ready to Love Again” 6-Week Course was designed specifically to help you identify what has been stopping you from moving forward in your love life. In this program, you will identify and dismantle the fears, limiting beliefs, and patterns that you have been repeating over and over again so that you can create new and empowering thoughts and behaviors that will lead you to experiencing the love you want.
But you have to be willing to get out of your own way.
You have to be prepared to stop the self-sabotaging behaviors.
You have to be ready to allow love into your heart.
We’re here to help.
There is still time to register so that you can join us tomorrow< Wednesday, March 12th at 9:00pm ET for the first session.
There’s still time to get your questions answered and to move beyond the reasons, the excuses, and all of the limiting and disempowering thoughts that keep making you believe that this course won’t work for you. It WILL work for youif you allow it to, if you’re willing to do the work, and if you let us guide you through the process of preparing yourself to welcome love – real, reciprocated, and extraordinary love – into your life.
If you have questions, stop hiding out, blending into the background, and pretending like what you want isn’t important, because it is! Just email us and let us know what questions you need answered so that we can get you registered into the course and into our online community right away!
Be bold. Be courageous. And be there tomorrow for Session 1!
We love you and can’t wait to begin this journey with you!
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