by heartsdesireintl | Nov 5, 2013 | Communication, Dating, Heart's Desire International, Intimacy, Marriage, Relationship Advice
by Gladys Diaz
“If you change the way you look at things, the things you look at change.” ~ Dr. Wayne Dyer
One of the most beautiful parts about autumn is how the leaves begin to change. Although I live in Florida and the changes here aren’t as intense as in other parts of the country (palm trees don’t really lose their leaves!), there are a few non-native trees in the area, and I love to pick up and admire the different-colored leaves as I go for walks. It’s just fascinating to me how the leaves know when it’s time to begin to change, fall off the branches, and make way for something new to appear in the spring.
As often happens, when I’m thinking about things that take place in my life or the world around me, I try to see how I can relate it to relationships.
One of the main reasons people reach out to work with Michelle and me is because they want to experience change. They either want to change their current relationship status from “single” to “in a committed relationship,” or they want to change and improve the experience they’re having in their current relationship. In both of these situations, like the leaves on the tree, there is a moment where the woman realizes that it’s time to change, let go of the past and any of the things she’s been holding on to that are keeping her “stuck” where she is, in order to make room for something new to show up !
Recently, I was coaching a client who was struggling between absolutely loving her husband who is kind, loving, and generous with her, while also realizing that there were things about him that she didn’t really like or agree with. As I was coaching her, I saw myself and who I used to be in her.
I’ll never forget the moment when I realized that, for a really long time I had been completely unaware of the fact that I saw myself as “superior” to my husband. I was more positive, more spiritual, more even-tempered than he. I was more social, able to get along with people, and I didn’t hold grudges. As horrible as it sounds to me know, I really did have this better-than-thou perception of my husband.
Unfortunately, as unaware as I was of this perception, my husband was completely tuned into it! He could sense that I was making judgments about him and his choices. Whether or not I was aware of it, this underlying belief and view that I had of him was coloring how I saw, spoke to and of him, and how I treated and responded to him. I didn’t have to come out and say it. All he needed to do was looks into my eyes and he could probably see it.
For a long time, I thought it was my responsibility to let my husband know all of the ways he could improve and strive to be better than he was. I would tell him to calm down, to forgive and let go, and how he should approach people and situations. And for a long time, my husband resisted every suggestion, piece of advice, recommended book or video, and comment I made — which only made me want to “help” him even more.
It was a vicious cycle and I was left wondering why he couldn’t just listen to me and change.
It wasn’t until I took the spotlight off of him and everything I felt he needed to do, say, and think differently and flashed it on myself that things really began to change. And things only changed because I began to change myself and the way I was choosing to see him.
I began to look at all of the ways I was sending the message that I didn’t love and accept him, where I felt I was superior to him.
Then I began to look for evidence that supported what a great man he was – a man of integrity who was smart, strong, loyal and loving.
I began to recognize just how capable he was at work and in the things he enjoyed doing.
And something amazing began to happen.
Because I began to change the way I chose to see and relate to him, my husband began to change! But not really.
I began to see what had been in front of me all along, but I couldn’t see because I had been too busy looking for what was “wrong” and needed to be “fixed.”
I’ve learned that, since you cannot make your date, boyfriend, or husband be more or less of anything he does not choose to be, the only thing you can do is to begin to believe that he can be those things.
You can affirm the good qualities you see evidence of in him and in your relationship.
You can shed light on the things you want to experience and see more of, and create a space of unconditional love and acceptance that may very well inspire him to become the man he was created to be.
And, in the meantime, you can focus on becoming the woman you were created to be — the very best version of yourself!
I ended the email to my client by sharing my version of Gandhi’s famous quote, where he called on us to “Be the change you wish to see in the world.”
For those of us looking to create and experience extraordinary love, the message is:
BE the love you want to see in your relationship!
Questions? Comments? Let us know below! We love hearing from you!
Image courtesy of FreeDigitalPhotos.net
by heartsdesireintl | Nov 1, 2013 | Dating, Heart's Desire International, Love, Marriage, Relationship Advice
by Gladys Diaz
Yesterday was Halloween, which is probably one of the more fun holidays, because, for one day, you actually have permission to pretend to be someone other than who you really are!
While dressing up and pretending to be someone you’re not can make Halloween fun, it’s not such a great thing when it comes to dating and relationships. In fact, pretending can be exhausting, and it doesn’t give you or the other person the opportunity to discover whether he’d choose to be with you if you were actually being yourself.
If you want him to fall in love with you, be authentic.
If your online profile or the way you portray yourself to others – especially men – is not an authentic reflection of who you really are, it’s very unlikely that you’re going to attract the type of person who is going to want to create the type of relationship you really desire.
If, while on a date, you’re focusing on what you should say or do to “get him” to like you, instead of listening, responding, and letting him get to know a little bit about the real you, then it’s possible that he may get the feeling that you are holding back or that you don’t want to be there with him.
And, if you’re not being authentic about wanting to be in a committed relationship that leads to marriage; or you’re pretending to be okay with sleeping with him before there’s a real commitment or with living together before you’re engaged or married – or you are in any way, shape or form being untrue to yourself out of the fear that he won’t want to be with you if you share how you really feel, then on how solid a foundation are you building your relationship? And…
For how much longer are you willing to pretend to be someone you’re not?
Not only is pretending inauthentic and exhausting, but it’s likely that you’ll eventually begin to feel resentment. And that resentment will probably be displaced, where you’ll begin to feel resentment toward him for not accepting you the way you are, while what’s really happening is that you’re upset with yourself for not being confident enough to trust that the man who you’re choosing to be with will choose to want to be with and love you just the way you are.
The truth is that he can’t fall in love with you if you are not there.
So, rather than pretending to be someone you’re not or hiding how you feel and what is true for you, trust in the beauty of who you really are and know that Mr. Right-for-You is going to find you –with all the good, the bad, and the not-so-perfect parts– to be simply irresistible!
Questions? Comments? Let us know below! We love hearing from you!
Image courtesy of FreeDigitalPhotos.net
by heartsdesireintl | Oct 30, 2013 | Dating, Heart's Desire International, Intimacy, Love, Relationship Advice
by Gladys Diaz
Courage is like love; it must have hope for nourishment.
~ Napoleon Bonaparte
This past weekend, Michelle and I spoke at the 28th Singles’ Expo in Boca Raton, FL. We had a great time meeting some wonderful single women and seeing some of our clients at the event! We closed out the Seminars portion of the event with one of our favorite talks: “Dating FUN-damentals,” where we give both men and women tips for how to make dating exciting, fulfilling, and FUN!
At some point during tour talk, there was a magical moment where the connection between us and the men and women in the room was palpable. It’s one of those moments Michelle and I will never forget!
As we were driving back home, Michelle said to me, “Something magical happened in that room. I don’t know what it was or when it happened, but I felt it!”
I agreed with her, and we began trying to pinpoint when it was that the energy of the room shifted.
All of a sudden, I remembered!
“It was the moment when you acknowledged their courage!”
“Yes! That’s it!”
One of the things we like to do when we speak, is to invite members of the audience to ask questions. It gives us an opportunity to really connect with the people in the room, provide some coaching, and to answer some of their burning questions. During the Q&A session, one of the women who had not dated for a several years began to talk about how she felt she was ready to begin dating again. She shared some of her fears with us, and gave us the gift of being able to contribute to and make a difference for her and the other people in the room.
Before we moved on to the next question, Michelle did something beautiful. She began acknowledging, not just this woman, but every person in the room for their courage.
The courage to attend and event in the hopes of learning more about dating and relationships.
The courage to participate in the speed dating sessions and in the dance that would complete the night.
The courage to honor their desire to share their lives with someone else.
It was at that moment that the room was filled with so much love that I could actually feel it.
I noticed people looking at each other and smiling at one another in admiration. And Michelle and I both struggled to hold back our tears. It was one of those moments that you can’t plan for, you can’t “fake. It was one of those moments that “just happen.”
A moment of connection. A moment of shared intimacy.
And it’s those moments that make us so grateful for the privilege of doing what we do!
So, today, we honor you for your courage! For having the courage to hope and believe, and for the courage to take the steps and make the changes that will allow love to enter your life and heart!
Questions? Comments? Let us know below! We love hearing from you!
by heartsdesireintl | Oct 13, 2013 | breakups, Dating, Forgiveness, Heart's Desire International, heartache, Loss of a Spouse, Love, Relationship Advice
by Gladys Diaz
Today is our birthday!!!
And because we’re so grateful for the gift of another year of life, Michelle and I are feeling really generous and want to give you a gift!
So, in honor of Birthday Week, we are slashing the price of the “From Heartache to Your Heart’s Desires” Telesummit Interview Series Library by 20%! This means that you can get mp3 recordings of all 27 of the interviews with some of the leading experts in dating, relationships, healing, and transformation for the telesummit price of $77!
If you’ve experienced a heartache of any kind — a breakup, divorce, loss of a loved one, having fallen in love with who just wasn’t right for you, or you’re wondering how to heal a present relationship — these interviews will help you break through the the pain and fear of moving forward and begin to experience the life and the love your heart truly desires!
Here is what some of the women who have listened to the interview series are saying:
What an incredible interview with Julie-Anne Shapiro! I loved the part where she encouraged us to visualize our inner child and “provide her with what her heart desires”! That was a huge AHA for me! I was actually able to see the inner child in me…now I think I have an idea of what she desires Thank you again you Gladys Diaz for the incredible messages during the telesummit!!! I am so excited!!! ~ D
Hi Gladys, I just want to thank you for the love, support and wealth of inner personal growth and healing you’ve provided with those priceless presentations on your telesummit. Phenomenal is all I can say. Thank you. ~ G
Gladys, this telesummit has been informative, inspiring and very eye and heart-opening! Thank you for putting it together!!! One of my “ah-ha moments” was learning about how our negative relationship patterns get created during Stefan Gonick’s interview! ~ M
So far, these are all great! You’ve created something really wonderful :)…Thank you! ~ E
Thanks so much for putting all of these tele-interviews together, keep up the good work.
I just felt I wanted to let you know that I really enjoyed the talk with Marcy Neumann – wow! Everything she said just echoed so deeply within me, it all made so much sense, I kept taking notes and re-listening to some of the parts. She has so much wisdom to share.
Thank you again.~ L
Click here to purchase the “From Heartache to Your Heart’s Desires” Telesummit Library, for 20% off the regular price now!
Lots of Love,
Michelle & Gladys
“The Twin Love Coaches”
Image courtesy of FreeDigitalPhotos.net
by heartsdesireintl | Oct 11, 2013 | Dating, Heart's Desire International, Intimacy, Love, Marriage, Relationship Advice
by Gladys Diaz
As I mentioned in my previous post, this past week I attended a Mastermind meeting that was led by my business coach with over 80 other entrepreneurs. One of the assignments we were given prior to the meeting was to be ready to present a 2-minute talk on stage. To say that I was terrified is quite the understatement!
As soon as I read those instructions – and the sentence stating that we couldn’t ask any questions regarding the assignment – I went into full-out panic mode. In an instant, all of my fears, doubts and insecurities came bubbling up to the surface. I was even angry that we were not only being told what we needed to do, but that we weren’t being given any directions except to “breathe” and do our best!
I put off working on my talk all week long. I got really “busy” doing a bunch of other stuff. It wasn’t until I landed in California and someone mentioned the assignment that I decided it would probably be a good idea to at least write something down. But nothing came. I couldn’t think of anything to write, or say on stage. And I was certain that my coach was going to call me on stage, I was going to bomb big time, and she was going to tear me apart in front of everyone!
My plan: To avoid eye contact with her and refuse to go up if she called on me!
Pretty wimpy, huh? Especially for someone who talks to women about facing and overcoming their fears!
So, as usually happens during moments like this in my life, I thought of you.
I thought about what I would ask you to help you to see what it was you are really afraid of.
Are you afraid of not ever having what you really want?
Or are you afraid that you might actually get what you really want? (Sometimes, this can be just as scary as the fear of not getting what we want!)
I realized that I was afraid of “looking bad” and that, if I didn’t do it perfectly, it meant that I wouldn’t be able to succeed – ever. I was terrified that I’d been wasting my time and that my dreams were never really going to come true.
And then, for a split second, I thought about how scary it would be if having what I want was really possible! That would mean that having the life and business that I want is completely up to me! That I would have to be responsible and be willing to do the work that it takes to make those dreams come true.
That’s what I was really afraid of!
I thought about how I’d encourage you to face your fear and do it anyway.
I thought about how I’d say to you:
That fear? It’s just a thought. It’s not even “the truth”!
It’s just a reminder of something that happened in the past – something that is not happening now. It’s not real.
I thought about how many times I’ve allowed my fears to stop me. How the fear of repeating a mistake from the past has kept me from stepping out into a new future. And how, I’ve always ended up regretting not having stepped up.
It was then that I began to sense something stirring inside of me. What was it?
Was it the determination not to have that happen again? Was it the unwillingness to remain stagnant? Was that courage bubbling up inside of me?
I thought about how courageous you are when you are willing to take a risk and be vulnerable.
I thought about how you inspire me when are courageous enough to step outside of your comfort zone and have a breakthrough that completely transforms your life.
I thought about the joy that I feel when you tell me how amazing you feel now that you have everything you’ve dreamed of and how you really didn’t believe it could happen sometimes, but you trusted me and yourself, and you did it anyway!
I thought about you…
And then, instead of waiting to be called on…
I raised my hand!
And I kept raising it… until my coach pointed at me… and I made my way to the stage!
I’d love to say that I wasn’t nervous. That when I stepped on the stage I felt confident and everything came out exactly the way that I’d planned.
The truth is that I was shaking so hard I thought the people in the front row could see it! I was so nervous that I felt as if I couldn’t take a complete breath. But the longer I stood on the stage, the stronger I felt and the words began to flow! And the feedback I was terrified of getting from my coach? It was constructive – meant to build me up, not tear me down – and I used it, right then and there, on the stage! It was amazing! I felt so empowered!
So, thank you!
Thank you for the difference you allow me to make in your life and for the incredible difference you make in mine. I’m so grateful our paths have crossed and that we’re part of one another’s journey.
And the next time you’re afraid – of admitting that you want to be in a loving, intimate relationship; of going out on a date with someone new; of apologizing to your boyfriend or husband for having said or done something you wish you hadn’t; of allowing yourself to love and be loved – I hope you’ll think of me and that you’ll be inspired to move past your fear so that you can experience the life and love your heart desires!
Question? Comments? Let us know below! We love hearing from you!
Image courtesy of FreeDigitalPhotos.net
by heartsdesireintl | Oct 4, 2013 | breakups, Dating, Forgiveness, Heart's Desire International, heartache, Intimacy, Love, Marriage, Relationship Advice
by Gladys Diaz
I remember when I used to play on the monkey bars as a little girl. I’m afraid of heights, and the idea of hanging way up high terrified me, but not as much as knowing that, in order to move to the next bar, I had to completely open up one hand, let go of the bar, and move it to the next bar! But I knew that if I didn’t, let go, I’d either be stuck in the same place, or my arms would eventually get too tired, and I’d end up falling off!
The same is true when it comes to relationships. In order to move toward the type of life and love you want to experience, you may need to let go of all of the things that aren’t working until you get to the other side!
“Moving on” from a past relationship or from something that is not working in your life can be much easier said than done. When you love a person and have opened your heart to him, the thought of letting go moving on can be so scary it’s paralyzing! When you’ve been hurt in the past, it can be difficult to open your heart and let love back in, or to do what it takes to turn a relationship into the kind of loving union you dream of. This is what has many women holding on to a man, relationship, or limiting beliefs and behaviors that are clearly not giving them the experience they want for much longer than they need to. It’s also what keeps them stuck, alone, and lonely.
Having the type of love you want – the kind where you know that you know that he loves you, where it feels safe and secure, and where you get to experience love, peace, and joy – the kind of relationship that works means you need to be willing to let go of what doesn’t!
So, what are some of the things you may need to let go of in order to get to the other side — the side where all of your dreams about what life and love can be are waiting for you?
- Pain and resentment from the past: Holding on will keep you angry, bitter, upset, and either alone or lonely inside of a relationship. When you bring forgiveness to yourself and others, you create a space for something new to show up in your life!
- Your checklist of criteria or expectations: Consider that if you’re experiencing that one guy after another (or the man who you’re with) just isn’t “enough,” you may be holding on to a list of insurmountable criteria and expectations that are set up to help protect and keep you from being vulnerable, which is also keeping you from connecting and experiencing intimacy.
- The need to be right: Insisting on your way being the right way; being unwilling to accept, respect, or understand another’s ideas or point of view will keep you stuck in your own righteousness and does not allow for the possibility of intimacy.
- A dead-end relationship: If you’ve been in a long-term relationship, just waiting (and waiting, and waiting) for him to commit or propose to you, you may want to consider that either you’re not clear about what you really want, or you’re holding him responsible for you having what it is you want for your life. It may be time to let go of that relationship and make room for the man who is ready to share and spend his life with you.
If you’re feeling frustrated with the way things are showing up in your love life, perhaps it’s time to take inventory of your life and your relationships and be really honest with yourself.
Is there something that clearly is not working for you that you’re holding on to? Are you ready to finally let go and reach forward—toward the life and love you desire and deserve?
If so…
Take a deep breath and know that you are strong enough, you are worthy enough, and you will survive this. More than anything, know that the life and love your heart desires are already waiting for you!
And if you need support with letting go, know that we are only an email away! We’ll be right there beside you, cheering, encouraging, and holding you up until you get to the other side: The relationship you’ve always dreamed of!
Click here and let’s talk! We’re here for you!
Questions? Comments? Let us know below! We love hearing from you!
Image courtesy of FreeDigitalPhotos.net
