by heartsdesireintl | Jun 6, 2013 | Dating, Gratitude, HDI Blog, Heart's Desire International, Intimacy, Love, Relationship Advice, Romance
by Gladys Diaz
I have been dating someone for a month and a half. We spend a lot of time when we are together, but do not communicate often when we are apart, which makes me feel a bit sad! How do I communicate to him that talking on the phone, checking in throughout the week is important to me, so that he can reach out to me more often, without driving him away?
I really like the way you are focusing on how you can communicate what you would like, rather than on what he needs to or “should” do. This is a great start, because, too many times, whether it’s at the beginning of dating or even further into the relationship, we begin to set expectations and make demands of the guy that can, as you mention, drive him away.
The first thing to keep in mind is that the two of you are just dating right now, which means you’re just getting to know one another (you’re not “in a relationship”). It sounds like you are enjoying the time you get to spend with him, which tells me that he’s treating you well and you are having fun (two very important aspects of dating!).
I hear that it makes you sad when you don’t hear from him throughout the week, and, given that you enjoy spending time with him, it’s completely understandable that you’d want to continue speaking with and getting to know him, even when you’re apart. I noticed that you said that you don’t communicate “often” when you’re apart, which leads me to believe that there is some communication, just not as much as you’d like.
When we express what we want or prefer, I always like to encourage women to present it as “an invitation,” rather than “an obligation.” An invitation lets him know, “I love it when you call me,” I enjoy talking to you, even when we’re apart,” and “Thanks for calling me! I have another reason to smile today!”
Contrarily, an obligation says, “You should be calling me during the week,” “I don’t get why you just can’t pick up the phone for a few seconds, just to say ‘hi,’ or “Why can’t you call or check in with me during the week?” The problem with the obligation is that it’s nothing short of a complaint and the underlying message is: “You did something wrong,” or “You messed up…again!”
So, can we express what we want or prefer without making him wrong for not doing it as often as we’d like?
- Focus on what he is doing to please you and receive his time and attention graciously. Thank him when he does something that pleases you. Let him know he made you smile. Guys like to know that they have something to do with the smile on your face!
- Say what you like or prefer without making demands or ultimatums. Saying something like, “I like hearing from you when we’re apart,” or even more simply, “I love hearing your voice,” sends the message that it pleases you when he calls you. Again, you’re presenting him with an invitation to call you more often.
- Let go of expectations. Too often, we have an idea in our mind of what things “should” look like and what the other person should be doing or saying. However, this is just our opinion, or our way of thinking about and seeing things. Of course, you always want to make sure that you feel safe and treated well when you’re dating or in a relationship with someone. However, be open to the idea that his way of communicating or expressing his feelings may be different from yours, and remind yourself that “different” does not mean it’s bad or wrong. It’s simply different.
Hope this helps, and let me know how it goes!
Questions? Comments? Let us know! We love hearing from you!
Image courtesy of FreeDigitalPhotos.net
by heartsdesireintl | Jun 5, 2013 | breakups, Dating, Forgiveness, Gratitude, HDI Blog, Heart's Desire International, heartache, Intimacy, Love, Marriage, Parenting, Relationship Advice, Romance
by Gladys Diaz
One of my favorite parts about the work that I do is being able to connect with and make a real difference for the people with whom I work. There really is nothing more rewarding to me than guiding a woman through her biggest fears, greatest blocks, and limiting beliefs, and having her come through more empowered and confident than ever, with the promise of her heart’s desires being fulfilled on the other side!
I don’t always get an opportunity to connect with everyone in our community on a personal level, but lately I’ve been trying to think of ways to create opportunities for more personal connections, where I can hear from and share with you on a more consistent basis.
Well, those of you who know me know that I don’t believe in coincidences, and that I do believe that everything that happens does so at the perfect time and for a specific reason. That’s why yesterday, when I read about a 30-Day Challenge yesterday, I got excited!
And the best part is YOU get to be part of it, too!
One of the groups I’m very proud to be part of is the Social Media Club of South Florida. The members are participating in a 30-Day Blogging Challenge during the month of June.
So, why is this exciting and how can you be part of it?
The 30-Day Blogging Challenge I participated in last year is what helped me to start blogging on a more consistent basis. I joined the group right before the last challenge began and it motivated me to create “Your Heart’s Desire Thought of the Day,” where, for 30 days, I blogged about a different dating and relationship topic each day. People enjoyed it, I loved reading and responding to the comments, and, when the challenge ended, I had several requests to continue with the daily messages (If you were one of those people, consider this your request being granted!).
Another reason I’m so excited is because I’ll be doing things a little differently this time. Instead of me coming up with the 30 topics I’ll be blogging about, this time, I will be answering your questions about love, dating, and relationships! That’s right! All you have to do is ask me a question via email or our Facebook page, and I will answer your question in one of the blog posts during the month of June! Your name will be kept confidential on the blog post, and you’ll have the opportunity to have some of your burning questions answered!
Here’s all you need to do:
- Type the words “Burning Question” in the subject line of your email or in your Facebook comment.
- Send your question via email to gladys@heartsdesireintl.com or post your question on our Facebook page at www.facebook.com/heartsdesireintl.
- Once the question gets answered, I’ll send you an email or Facebook message letting you know that your question’s been answered on Heart’s Desire’s blog.
That’s it!
Now, I really need your help, because today is June 5th, and the challenge began on June 1st! Believing that it’s never too late for anything wonderful to happen (in life or relationships!), I want to get started right away – as in tomorrow, June 6th! So, if you have a question (or 2… or 3) that you’d like answered, just send me an email or go to our Facebook page and ask it NOW! And, please don’t wait to see if someone else asks first. I need to answer 30 questions in 30 days and I want yours to be one of them.
Just send me any questions you have about:
- dating
- love
- sex
- relationships
- parenting
- romance
- marriage
- breakups
- avoiding divorce
- intimacy
- any other burning questions you have
So, go ahead! Make my day and partner with me to make this next 30 days ones that make a huge difference for you and the thousands of others people who are going to benefit from reading the answer to your question!
Questions? Comments? Let us know! We love hearing from you!
Image courtesy of FreeDigitalPhotos.net
by heartsdesireintl | May 30, 2013 | Dating, Heart's Desire International, Intimacy, Love, Marriage, Relationship Advice, Romance, Success
by Gladys Diaz
Last week, I had the privilege of attending the seventh Women’s Success Summit in Miami, FL. Heart’s Desire has been a Partner since the first Summit for several reasons. One is because its founder, Michelle Villalobos, is not only a trusted mentor and friend, but she’s one of our happiest clients, having met her wonderful boyfriend after attending our workshops! Aside from our love and admiration of Michelle, the networking opportunities, connections we’ve made (both personally and professionally), and the incredible content we’ve received over the years has helped us to grow our business both locally and abroad.
I’m a people person, so the opportunity to see and spend time with my friends, colleagues, and some of my clients is something I always look forward to. I have to say, however, that there’s something special about being introduced to someone by having the person say something like,“This is my dating coaching. She’s the one who’s teaching me how to love dating again,” or “This is Gladys, the one who helped me attract my amazing boyfriend into my life.” Perhaps my favorite moment was when a woman came up to me and said, “You probably don’t remember me, but I took your workshop last year, and I just wanted to thank you, because, thanks to giving up the checklist, I met a wonderful man and we’re getting married!” The next day, I had the pleasure of meeting her fiancé who is moving across the country to marry and spend his life with her! How does it get any better than that?
I had a great conversation with group of ladies about how something magical happens when women come together for a common purpose. Everyone who attends the Women’s Success Summit is there for a different reason, but we do all share something in common: We have a dream and that dream includes having a great business or career where we can do what we love and make a real difference in the world at the same time! And that’s why we choose to attend an event where we know we’re going to be inspired, informed, and connected with other women who are on a similar path. During the event, and as we create new business opportunities and refer one another to potential partners and clients, we also support, encourage, and celebrate one another’s successes!
So, what does all of this have to do with you, your dating life and romantic relationships?
It all goes back to a saying I used to hear a lot when growing up:
“Tell me who your friends are and I’ll tell you who you are.”
The people with whom you associate, to whom you listen, and who you emulate have a direct impact on you and the results you create in your relationships. Surrounding yourself with other women who are as committed as you are to creating loving and fulfilling relationships is crucial to helping you create new beliefs and habits that will lead to you having the type of relationship you want to experience.
When I began practicing the principles I now teach, I would meet with a small group of women who were all practicing the same principles in their lives and relationships. We’d meet in person and on the phone and listen to one another vent, remind each other what it was we were committed to creating and having in our lives, and celebrate our victories and breakthroughs. Now, years later, we are still there for one another, sharing in our lives and encouraging each other to have the loving, passionate relationships we have always dreamed of.
Think about the women with whom you are surrounding yourself. Are they committed to creating healthy, loving, lasting relationships or are do you all participate in male-bashing and discussing how there aren’t any good men out there? Do they encourage you to step beyond your comfort zone and practice new habits in order to experience new results, or do they criticize your attempts to have a new experience in dating and in your relationships? Do you feel uplifted and inspired after speaking with them, or do you feel like you’ve just spent time with an energy and hope vampire? Is there a woman in your life who is happily married to whom you can turn for advice and encouragement? And are you working with a coach or mentor who is not only giving you “good advice,” but whose life and relationship reflects the results of the practices he or she is teaching?
If it’s true that you are a reflection of the five people with whom you spend the most time, can you say that you are surrounding yourself with people who are up to creating and living in the types of relationships that you admire and wish to have. If not, it’s okay. You don’t have to get rid of all of your friends, but think about bringing some new people into your life who will set you on the path of actually experiencing the life and love your heart desires!
And, of course, it goes without saying, you can always reach out to me!
Questions? Comments? Let us know! We love hearing from you!
Image courtesy of FreeDigitalPhotos.net.
