by heartsdesireintl | Jul 9, 2013 | Dating, HDI Blog, Heart's Desire International, heartache, Love, Marriage, Relationship Advice, Romance
by Gladys Diaz
14 years ago, I got stood up. Why would I want to remember that event of my life? Because it was also the day my life changed forever! And there was no way I could have ever imagined or predicted the turn my life was about to take. And it probably wouldn’t have, had I chosen to stay stuck in the pain and sadness of having a guy I really liked stand me up.
I had been talking to a guy on the phone for a short time, and we’d gone out on one date. Back then, I used to think that going on a date meant you were in a relationship, so I began calling him every day – multiple times a day, leaving him voice messages, and basically asking him out on other dates. I think back now, and I’m a little embarrassed about just how much I was chasing him and trying to get him to like me. I also see now where he was sending me really clear messages that he wasn’t interested in being in a relationship. But, you know what they say about hindsight being 20/20!
He wasn’t a bad guy. He was actually very nice. And while some women would say he wasn’t man enough or courageous enough to tell me that he didn’t want to go out with me, I think he was too nice to want to hurt my feelings, and, since I hadn’t paid attention to the thousands of hints he’d been giving me, he gave me one I couldn’t ignore.
I was heartbroken. I felt so vulnerable. This was the first guy I had dated since I’d lost my first husband, and I felt so hurt and afraid that I’d just end up being alone for the rest of my life. Perhaps that was a bit dramatic, but it’s how I felt.
Thankfully, my best friend loved me too much to see me moping around, and she said we were going dancing that night. Now, I was 28 and had never been to a club, and I was not about to go to a bar to meet men! But I love dancing (and she knew that), so we made plans to go out that night.
We got lost on the way there, and I kept thinking, “Maybe this is a sign… We should just go home.” I was so afraid to be this far out of my comfort zone! But, eventually we did find the place. As soon as I walked in and sat at the bar, I noticed a really cute guy standing by the DJ booth. He was moving his head to the music and looked so relaxed. I remember thinking, “I hope he asks me to dance.”
Well, he didn’t. But a bunch of other guys did, so I had a great time, dancing, smiling, flirting, and just being me! I wasn’t trying to meet anyone. I really didn’t want to meet anyone. I just wanted to have fun… And I wanted that cute guy to ask me to dance. But he didn’t!
When we were about to leave, I saw him standing diagonally across the dance floor from me. I told my friend, “I wish that guy had asked me to dance!”
Just then, he looked right at me. I didn’t know what else to do, so I smiled. He smiled back and gestured with his head that I should come on over to him.
What???
I gestured with my head that he should come on over to me. Then I turned around. It was 2:00 a.m., my feet hurt, and I was not in the mood to play games!
As we got ready to go, my friend’s eyes started getting really big.
“Oh, my goodness! Is he standing behind me?”
She nodded yes.
I turned around and smiled, and he introduced himself to me. We talked for a bit, and, when he told me he was only 24, I walked over to my friend and said, “Forget it. He’s a kid.”
Again, my beautiful friend saved me from myself when she said, “Get back over there right now. I haven’t seen you smiling and laughing like that in at least a year!”
So, I walked back over to him and we talked and danced for another 2 hours before my friend said we needed to go. I gave him my number and fell asleep with a smile on my face, thinking about how much I hoped he’d really call.
He did!
We spoke for 7 hours on the phone the next night. Went on our first date the following night, and saw each other almost every day after that. Six months later he asked me to marry him. Almost a year to the day we met, we joined our lives forever. And it’s been the most wonderful 14 years of my life!
So, what lessons did I learn that night?
- Many times, something that seems painful and undesirable can be a wonderfully sweet blessing in disguise.
- Surround yourself with friends who love and want you to be happy and who will stand for you when you don’t feel strong enough to stand for yourself.
- Just because you haven’t met him yet, doesn’t mean you won’t. And you may meet him when and where you least expect it!
- Believe that true love is possible and that it is possible for YOU!
If you want to hear more of the lessons I’ve learned about how to create the relationship of your dreams, then you’ll want to join me on Wednesday, July 17th, for a free 90-minute “Creating the Relationship of Your Dreams” Training Call where I’ll share how you can begin creating the relationship you’ve always dreamed of! Just send me an email (gladys@heartsdesireintl.com) and I’ll send you the information regarding how you can join the call!
Questions? Comments? Let us know below! We love hearing from you!
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by heartsdesireintl | Jun 24, 2013 | Dating, HDI Blog, Heart's Desire International, heartache, Loss of a Spouse, Love, Marriage, Relationship Advice, Romance
by Gladys Diaz
My wonderful, sexy, amazingly funny, husband died last year from heart complications following open heart surgery. He was in the hospital for the last three months of his life. When do you know to give your heart to that someone, especially if you have been grieving for almost a year? If, he says “I love you,” how do you tell him not to say that to you for a while, and how to say it without hurting his feelings?
First, I am so sorry for your loss. Having been widowed myself, I know that there are so many mixed feelings that come with having lost the man you loved and considering when it’s time to begin moving forward again.
I remember feeling like part of me died with my late husband. All of the dreams and plans we’d made for our future were no longer possible once he was gone. I felt lost, afraid, and seriously wondered whether I would ever find that kind of happiness again with another person. Part of me wanted to move forward and allow myself to feel happiness again. Part of me was angry and upset, wondering why this had happened to me at such a young age. And another part of me wondered if I’d have to just settle for someone who made me feel “kind of happy,” “sort of loved,” and “somewhat ready” to move forward.
I’ll be honest and say that I didn’t feel 100% ready to fall in-love with someone new when I met Ric. I was still grieving. There were more better days than when my husband first passed away, but there were also still some days where the sadness and loneliness overwhelmed me. I wasn’t looking to find someone new, but I was willing to open up to the idea of at least feeling some happiness again.
When I did meet and started going out with my husband, I felt a little guilty about feeling so happy again, and I was also terrified that I’d have my heart broken. I wanted to know how things were going to turn out before I invested my heart. I also wasn’t sure how to respond to the love that he was so openly sending my way.
I decided one day that I could be scared and uncertain and still allow myself the permission to be happy and see where things would go with him.
He shared his love for me first, and I remember thinking, “I really thought I’d never hear those words again, and here they are!” And when I shared my love for him, I remember thinking, “I never thought I’d feel this way or speak those words again, and here I am!” It was a wonderful, amazing feeling to know that it was actually possible for me to receive and give love and to feel happiness again.
You ask when you should give your heart to someone new. The truth is that only you will know when you are willing to do that. You may not feel “ready,” but if you feel willing to do it – to take a chance and give yourself to permission to feel joy and love again – then it’s going to take some courage, but you can do it. You just have to let yourself open up and let that love in.
You also ask how to tell him not to say that he loves you for a while without hurting his feelings. I don’t think it’s fair to him to tell him what he should or shouldn’t do. You can, however, tell him what you’d prefer. Let him know how it makes you feel when he says that he loves you, thank him for his love and how it makes you feel to be loved, and let him know that you need a little more time before you feel ready to respond. That way, you’re acknowledging his feelings for you and letting him know that this is about you not feeling ready to respond in kind, rather than telling him how he should feel or what he should or shouldn’t say.
And I invite you to just spend a little time with you, asking yourself how you feel about him. Acknowledge any fears that may be standing in your way and blocking you from allowing yourself to give or receive love from this man. Are you willing to give yourself permission to live and love again?
Remind yourself that giving yourself permission to laugh, love, and live again do not in any way diminish or discredit the love you and your husband shared. It’s just a new season in your life. And, if the man you are seeing now is a good man who gives you the experience of feeling loved, cherished, and cared for, then why would you deny yourself those feelings?
You have an opportunity to experience love more than once in a lifetime! I invite you to allow for the possibility that your happiness honors the love you and your husband shared as well as honoring your own desires to live life having the experience of loving and being loved!
Comments? Questions? Let us know below! We love hearing from you!
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by heartsdesireintl | Jun 21, 2013 | Dating, Heart's Desire International, heartache, Love, Relationship Advice, Romance, Sex
by Gladys Diaz
Gladys – How can I raise my self-esteem and so my future relationships are healthier and my standards are higher? I tend to start relationships and fall in love/care/get attached so quickly (although I hate to admit that) and it doesn’t matter whether the man is an appropriate mate or not. Most times I even know that he isn’t right or appropriate and think it’s ok because it’s just a “fling.” But, I always end up feeling very empty and rejected because it doesn’t pan out.
I would like to be brave enough to have high standards and also raise my self-esteem so all my relationships in life are improved upon. People don’t understand why I am single (I’m good looking, smart, nice, etc.), but I am weak when it comes to men and can let people take advantage because I am a pleaser. Any suggestions?
Becoming too attached to a man is not very uncommon when it comes to dating, particularly if we feel very attracted to him. Many times, that initial attraction or “chemistry” can lead us to want to make something that is just “a fling” or just “a date” into a relationship. Trying to force something to be what it is not can be exhausting and disappointing in the end.
There are several things that you can do to help raise your self-esteem and begin to create more healthy and fulfilling relationships:
- Be clear about what you want to experience in a relationship. Too often, women are so focused on simply being in a relationship that they forget about what they really want to experience in one. They focus on who or what the man needs to be like – the criteria he must meet physically, financially, and educationally – that, when they find a man who meets that checklist, they’ll do everything they can to try to make him “The One.” Rather than focusing on him and what he needs to do or be, focus on what you want to experience – how you want to feel when you’re in a relationship. When you focus on making the experience your priority, it will be crystal-clear to you when it’s time to walk away from a man that is not helping you create that experience.
- Avoid getting physically intimate before there is a commitment. This is especially important if what you desire is something more than just a fling. When you rush into sleeping with someone before you’re sure that he’s someone with whom you’d like to have that type of emotional and physical bond, you always risk getting hurt. Once those hormones kick in before, during, and after having sex, a bond is created and it’s almost impossible to see things clearly and as they actually are, rather than how we wish they would or could be. This bond will have you stay with a man much longer than you would if you had waited to see if he was someone in whom you felt safe and comfortable making that type of physical and emotional investment.
- Put your happiness first. No one is going to love you more than you love yourself. It’s important that you make yourself a priority even once you are in a relationship. This means that you take responsibility for your own happiness, rather than expecting a man to make you happy. It means that you are clear about what you want and deserve – which is to love and be loved fully and completely – so that you don’t settle for less. Stop referring to yourself as “weak” when it comes to men and remind yourself that you are fully at choice regarding what happens when it comes to men and relationship. You get to choose who to go out with. You get to choose how you allow yourself to be treated. And you get to make choices that honor what you want to experience in a relationship. No one can take advantage of you without you allowing it. So, remember that it’s okay to say that something doesn’t work for you and to move on if the other person isn’t willing to honor that.
We have a lot more power than we give ourselves credit for when it comes to dating and relationships. Take some time to look within yourself and see what it is that you want to experience in a relationship, what you are willing or not willing to compromise on regarding that experience, and begin putting yourself and your happiness first. That will boost your confidence and you will begin to attract men to you who are willing and ready to honor and create that experience with you!
Questions? Comments? Let us know below! We love hearing from you!
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by heartsdesireintl | Jun 20, 2013 | Dating, Forgiveness, Heart's Desire International, heartache, Love, Relationship Advice, Romance
by Gladys Diaz
As a health coach myself, I don’t seem to be able to break the fear of never being truly cherished, like all women want to be. I can effectively coach others in health and spiritual issues, but I have a difficult time trusting myself in the romantic love area. This has especially been the case since a relationship that was going strong fizzled within a couple days. I thought I was practicing the surrendered single philosophy with this man, to no avail.
Thanks for being so vulnerable in asking your question. The fact that you are a coach and able to get people to being taking steps to create healthier lives probably makes it easier for you to understand that a lot of what stops us from having what we really want in our lives is fear. And, 99 percent of the time, the things we fear are not real. Many times, they are based on our past and on what we have already experienced, and we tend to project those experiences into our future.
The truth is that you are already love-able – able to love and be loved. If you can distinguish what it is that you are actually afraid of, then you can see it for what it is – nothing but a thought – and you can choose to either honor it or not honor it.
So, what is it that you are afraid of? You mention that you’re afraid of never truly being cherished. The first question I’d like you to ask yourself is whether there is something about yourself that you have not yet brought love, forgiveness and acceptance to. You know, as a health coach, that not bringing love, forgiveness, or acceptance to parts of our bodies can cause us to make choices that actually harm our bodies, even if we say that we want to be healthy. So, is there something about yourself – physically or emotionally – that you’ve not yet embraced or accepted? Is it something you’re afraid that the man you are with will see or discover and not accept? If so, are you willing to bring love and acceptance to that part of you now so that you can begin to invite love into your life?
You also mention that you don’t trust yourself when it comes to love and romance. The first thing this made me think of is whether you made a choice in the past that you now regret. Many times, when we think that we haven’t made very good choices when it comes to relationships, it’s because we weren’t willing to listen to and trust our intuition in a previous relationship. Perhaps we ignored the red flags that were letting us know that the guy wasn’t someone who we could trust. Perhaps we didn’t want to listen if he said that he wasn’t interested in being in a committed relationship, and we kept holding on, in hopes that he would change his mind. Or perhaps we continue to attract men who are not available or unwilling to commit or be faithful.
Regardless of the choices you made in the past, it’s important that you, again, forgive yourself and not make yourself wrong or beat yourself up for having made those choices. Forgive yourself, take the lessons that you learned from those experiences, and remember them as you move toward inviting new love into your life.
You mentioned a relationship that fizzled after a few days. I’m wondering whether this was someone with whom you were in an actual committed relationship, or someone who you were just dating. Regardless of the answer, if it fizzled that quickly, chances are that he wasn’t the right guy for you, so it’s better that you learned that early on. I know it doesn’t minimize the pain you may feel now, but it’s better than having invested months, or even years, in a relationship that was not going to result in a lifetime love. So, again, take the lessons you learned, be grateful for them, and be courageous enough to open your heart to the possibility of inviting someone new into your life. And continue practicing the surrendered singles principles to attract to yourself the man who is right for you!
Bottom line: You were created to love and be loved. Don’t buy into the story that you’re not meant to experience that. If there is a fear or doubt in the way, you know the power of coaching, so work with a coach to get those fears distinguished, dismantled, and out of the way so that you can begin to enjoy the experience of being in the relationship your heart desires!
Questions? Comment? Let us know below! We love hearing from you!
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by heartsdesireintl | Jun 19, 2013 | Dating, Heart's Desire International, Love, Relationship Advice, Romance
by Gladys Diaz
To see the Part 1 of this question and my response, go to yesterday’s post, “Your Thoughts Affect How You Experience Relationships.”
Dear Gladys,
Thanks for answering my question. I should have been clearer on what I meant by Masculine and Feminine. I don’t even think they are the right terms to use, but they do seem more like the negative, unhealthy sides of masculine and feminine energies, without the positive sides.
The “Feminine” men are the ones who are weak and indecisive, but also manipulative. They tend to have emotional problems, talk about their feelings endlessly (and I really mean endlessly, to the point where I dread seeing them because I know that’s all we’ll talk about, and if I ask if we can talk about something else, I’ll be accused of being cold and uncaring) but refuse professional help and want me to take care of them instead. They are very needy and clingy. They usually try to guilt and pressure me into a relationship with them and if that doesn’t work, they’ll recruit other people to pile on the pressure. They have very strong victim mentalities and are convinced that no-one understands them, everyone is mean to them and they usually identify “mean” as anyone who didn’t want to take responsibility for them. I find myself walking on eggshells around them, in case anything I say leads them to having some kind of freak out (I once had to pull over the car I was driving because the guy suddenly started freaking out about how he should never have to feel uncomfortable in any situation, and so what if everyone has to deal with this, f*ck them, why should he be constrained by their limitations) They seem like bottomless pits of need, no matter what anyone does for them, it’s never enough, and they turn pretty nasty when they don’t get their own way. Rather than a woman, they seem to want a mother or an unpaid therapist.
With the more Masculine men, when I say they seem controlling, I don’t mean in the sense that they take the lead or make decisions. I love that, and really appreciate when a man does it. I mean in the sense that, for example, they might have traveled a lot themselves, but really don’t like the fact that I have. They’re rude and short with waiters if the food isn’t EXACTLY how they want it, and get angry about it. They boast about how people in their work jump to their commands as soon as they click their fingers. They talk about how women should never put on weight and should always look and dress a certain way. I even had one guy tell me if he was married, he’d have limits on how often his wife’s family and friends could visit.
I used to get pulled in by the first type of guy’s story and would believe that he’d been hard done by. I don’t anymore and I leave when I see the signs of that behavior. The second kind of guy seems to be what I’m attracting now, so I seem to have over-corrected. Neither type of guy is very kind or loving.
Thanks for sending more clarification regarding your question and what you meant by “masculine” and “feminine.” I agree that those probably weren’t the best terms to describe what you were referring to, but I still invite you to explore this, because it could give you some insight into how you see yourself and men, since you refer to the men you see as being “feminine” as being needy and clingy. I’m not saying that this is how you see yourself as a woman, or women, in general, but it’s just something to look at and explore.
It appears that you’ve identified the pattern the first type of man you were attracting as men who were looking for someone to take care of or “rescue” them. As you described very well, that type of pattern can be exhausting, because you become an emotional “crutch” for the man and are constantly in giving mode, rather than receiving mode. While you may not be attracting that type of man anymore, I invite you to explore what it was that had you attracting men who you felt “needed” you to protect or save them. I’m not saying that you made them needy or that you even intended to attract that type of man. However, when there is a recurring pattern presenting itself in our lives, as I mentioned in the previous post, it’s not a coincidence. There is something that would have that type of man be drawn to you.
What I’ve seen with some of my clients is that they were unconsciously attracting men to whom they felt a little superior. Due to their own insecurities about themselves, they were seeking out someone who perhaps would not mind that they had something that they had not yet fully embraced or accepted within themselves.
Some women tend to draw in people who need them because they associate love with “giving” or “nurturing.” While, of course, in a relationship there will be times when we will be giving and sharing our love with the other person, the imbalance comes in when we are the only ones giving, which is what it sounds like you were experiencing. In this case, there comes a point where you feel depleted because you have been giving and giving and not receiving much love from yourself (in the form of self-care) or the other person in the relationship.
The other thing I noticed was that you mentioned the pattern of the men trying to “guilt you” into being in a relationship with them and then recruiting others to do the same. I’ve found that when we send a clear message about what we want and don’t want, even if the other person doesn’t really like or want to hear what we’re saying, there’s no need to feel pressured in any way, because we’re crystal-clear about what we want. It’s when we’re sending mixed messages, trying to be subtle about what we want, or even suggesting that we “stay friends,” when we have no interest whatsoever in doing that, that the other person interprets this as there still being some type of room or hope for there to eventually be a relationship.
From your response it seems like you are now attracting the type of man who (from your description) seems to be very demanding, critical, and overbearing. Again, I invite you to explore why you might be attracting this type of man? Think about whether there is anything happening on the date that might have a man feel that he needs to “prove” that he’s smarter, more worldly, powerful, and that he commands respect from others.
Again, you’re not responsible for anyone else’s behavior, but you are the magnet that is attracting these men. By looking within, you may be able to identify what it is that would have this pattern emerging, because this is no more “a coincidence” than it is for the woman who keeps attracting men who are addicted to substances, men who are incapable of being faithful, or men who can’t keep a job. We, as women, are natural magnets, so I invite you to do the inner work to see if you can identify what it is that could be causing this pattern to show up in your life, when it clearly sounds like it’s not what you want to experience when you’re on a date or in a relationship.
Perhaps there’s a fear of being controlled, losing yourself, or not having a man accept and love you exactly the way you are. If a fear is strong enough and you focus on it enough, you may actually be attracting to yourself what you don’t want.
Some steps you can take are to ask yourself the questions I included in yesterday’s post, as well as a few others:
- What are my limiting beliefs about men?
- What is are my limiting beliefs about men and how they relate to me?
- What am I afraid will happen once I’m in a relationship with a man?
- What I am I afraid will not happen once I’m in a relationship with a man?
Once you have the answers to those questions, ask yourself:
- How do each of my limiting beliefs or fears show up when I’m on a date or in a relationship?
- With which new thoughts and affirmations am I willing to replace these limiting beliefs and fears?
Some examples of new thoughts and affirmations might be:
- I attract men who are interesting, loving, and kind.
- I attract men who are as attracted to me as I am to them.
- I attract men with whom I have fun and feel comfortable.
It’s important to keep in mind that you’ll want to do the inner work first, so that you can clear the doubts and fears out of the way and be able to really embrace and believe the affirmations!
While it can feel frightening or uncomfortable to look within and do the inner work, the only way to remove whatever it is that’s blocking or standing in your way of attracting the kind of man with whom you can create the relationship of your dreams is to identify the fear and limiting belief, see it for what it is, and then choose to remove and replace it with new thoughts, actions, and ways of being that have you attract what you do want to experience in dating and relationships!
Questions? Comments? Let us know below! We love hearing from you!
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by heartsdesireintl | Jun 17, 2013 | HDI Blog, Heart's Desire International, Intimacy, Love, Marriage, Relationship Advice, Romance, Sex
by Gladys Diaz
I’ve been married for 4 years and have known my husband for 7 years. When we first met, everything seemed to click into place. One thing he talked about was sensuality and sexuality and said he had an extremely high libido. Well, that never showed itself and I figured since we had so many different challenges over the years, once “one thing” is taken care of, then we’d have this blissful sex he used to talk about. Seven years later and I’ve given up hope.
I’ve been wanting sex, but he never does and never did. I’ve tried to look pretty myself in so many ways, be the perfect loving wife, tried to be patient as he sorted through life’s challenges. We average the sex act 3 or 4 times a year. It’s never pleasurable for me, but it’s something. He doesn’t know how to please me, though I’ve gently tried to encourage him. We’ve been to couples counseling and basically they feel he’s lazy and didn’t have any upbringing on lovemaking and relationships. Though he talked the talk, that was it.
We went to his primary care doctor to see if he had any medical issues to attribute to this. Nothing. He does have restless leg syndrome and Attention Deficit Disorder. He recently was diagnosed with depression and is on medication. The meds made him a new person for the better, except, the lack of sex and intimacy is the same.
He spoke so sweet to me at first, as if I was his world 7 yrs ago but shortly after, became part of the furniture or his roommate or UFC buddy. I get judged by people saying why am I with him. Well, he said he loves me and he doesn’t know why he’s like that. I tell myself and others who judge me that if I was that person who had the issue, I wouldn’t want someone to give up on me. Then, I’m regarded as a fool, my friends and family disappear and treat me as if I’m a clown.
I can hear your frustration and can imagine there is some sadness mixed in with the hopelessness you’re feeling. Sexual intimacy is such an important part of marriage, and, when it’s missing, it can lead to frustration and resentment.
While you say you’ve given up hope, I also hear that you are not ready to give up on him or your relationship. This is a testament to the love you feel for him and makes me think that there are other things about your husband that you love. Those are probably the same qualities that had you fall in love with and choose to marry him.
I’m wondering whether you and your husband practice other forms of intimacy besides intercourse. Is there any hand-holding, kissing, or hugging? Do you stimulate and please one another in other ways? Are you open to using toys and other stimulants in the bedroom? Sometimes, when the focus is not on the act of intercourse and there is play involved, it can make it easier for both partners to relax, explore, and discover new ways to please each other.
The fact that your husband has been willing to go to medical doctors and couples’ counseling is a testament to the fact that he knows you’re unhappy and he wants to try to make things better. Listening to counselors tell him that he’s lazy and doesn’t know how to make love or be in a relationship can’t be easy to hear. If he also hears from you how unhappy you are, how he’s not meeting your expectations and how he needs to figure out what is wrong, it could be adding to his inability to initiate or perform.
I’m wondering if you’d be willing to not mention the fact that he never wants to have sex for a while. The pressure of knowing that this is an aspect of your relationship that you are not happy about and in which he seems to be unable to please you could make it even more difficult for him to initiate. If some of the pressure was off, it’s possible that he might feel more relaxed, confident, and willing to initiate. I know it’s probably easier said than done, but, given how much our men want to please and see us happy, I believe that, if given some space without sex feeling like an obligation he’s not meeting may make it easier for him to make the first move.
In the meantime, I recommend that you take good care of yourself. This means making sure that you are doing things for yourself that make you feel good. It’s important that you are caring for your emotional, physical, and spiritual, as well as your sexual needs by doing something every day for the pure and simple pleasure of it.
Self-care doesn’t have to be expensive or time-consuming. It can be anything that you enjoy doing – reading, exercising, going for a walk, spending time with your girlfriends (the ones who are supportive of you trying to save your marriage, not the ones who you mention are judging you and your husband). It can be lighting a candle while you take a long bath, listening to your favorite music, engaging in a hobby – basically anything that you enjoy and brings you pleasure. And, yes, it can mean pleasuring yourself sexually, if that is what you feel you need.
Practicing self-care not only helps us take responsibility for our own happiness, but it also helps us have more peace and patience than when we’re feeling exhausted, anxious, and depleted of energy and joy. We are much better able to be loving, understanding, and patient with our spouses when we’ve replenished ourselves and are not depending on them to make us happy. And a woman who is peaceful, smiling, and appreciative is also very attractive! You’ll be feeling and looking good, both inside and out!
I’m not saying that this will solve all of your issues, or that your husband will all of a sudden begin initiating sex. However, focusing on other forms of intimacy, refraining from complaining about or bringing up the lack of sex, and practicing good self-care can help create a space where the opportunity to have sex doesn’t feel like an obligation for either one of you, and where you will feel better able to deal with the situation, while, at the same time, creating opportunities to connect with your husband in different ways.
Questions? Comments? Let us know below! We love hearing from you!
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So, what lessons did I learn that night?
