by heartsdesireintl | May 3, 2013 | Gratitude, heartache, Love, Relationship Advice
Life is a Matter of Choice
by Gladys Diaz
I’m so excited to share some
great news with you!!! Today, May 3rd, 2013, I am the featured Inspirational Luminary on
InspireMeToday.com, sharing my message with the world! This FREE website is one to bookmark!
Here’s a little excerpt of the Inspiration I shared… A message from my heart to yours:
If I could share 500 words to inspire, this is the important wisdom I’d want to pass along to others…
Life is a matter of choice. Every single moment we live presents us with an opportunity to choose.
For a large part of my life, I didn’t see life as a choice. Instead, I saw life as something that was happening to me. I felt like a victim, and I had evidence to support it! My father died when I was three. My mother left me and my sisters when I was fifteen. My first husband died in my arms when I was twenty-seven. To me, it seemed that everyone I loved left me – either by death or by choice.
One day, someone asked me what my biggest fear was, and I responded that what most terrified me was the thought of losing either my kids or my husband because I could not imagine having to experience that type of pain again. Her response?
“You’ll survive it. How do I know? Because you already have. Now, you can either choose to live your life fearing that the people you love are going to die, or you can live your life loving them.”
In that moment, I saw myself as stronger than I’d known myself to be. I had survived my greatest fear, experienced the greatest loss and pain of my life and it didn’t kill me. It didn’t stop me from falling in love again! I really got the power of choice and began choosing to live my life in love![…]
To help you stay inspired, you can sign up to receive this 3 minute pick-me-up each day by email, by RSS feed or in an iPhone app. You can even subscribe to it on Google Currents!
Please
visit the site on May 3rd, 2013 and help me inspire the world. If my traffic and comments break records,
InspireMeToday.com will share my message with millions of additional people, too! I hope you’ll check it out, leave a comment, and share it with your friends.
From the folks at Inspire Me Today and from me, thank you in advance for your kind support. I know you’re going to love
InspireMeToday.com! Together we really can inspire the world.
Be inspired,
P.S. I’m on a mission to end heartache and to let women know that they can have the love they deserve and that their hearts desire. I’d love for you to join me in this mission. Together we can change the world one woman, one heart at a time!
Click
here to learn more and sign up to participate in the “From Heartache to Your Heart’s Desires” Telesummit, and to
share it with the women in your life!
Did I mention we’re on a mission?
Questions? Comments? Let us know below! We love hearing from you!
by heartsdesireintl | Apr 17, 2013 | Love, Relationship, Success
by Gladys Diaz
If you ask people to define “success,” you’ll probably hear a lot of different definitions, examples of it, and feelings about what success really means. One of our core beliefs at Heart’s Desire International is that women deserve to have it ALL! That means that we believe that success is about feeling happy, fulfilled, and empowered in every area of your life — business/career, physical and spiritual health and well-being, AND your love life!
This is why for the past several years, Heart’s Desire has partnered to help make the Women’s Success Summit a success! This year, I have the honor of serving on the Board of Advisors, and, since I have the inside scoop, I can honestly tell you that this is going to be the BEST summit to date!
Over the years, many of our clients have either met us through or attended the Women’s Success Summit with us! Why? Because “success” isn’t just measured by your career achievements, the size of the business you own, or the salary you make. True Success comes from having everything your heart desires — in life, business, and your romantic relationships!
So, if you are ready to spend 2 days surrounded by some of the most successful and amazing women in Miami, learning about how to take our lives and businesses to new levels of success, then join us at the Women’s Success Summit VII!
Use the code HeartsDesire when you register and save 20%!
Image courtesy of FreeDigitalPhotos.net
by heartsdesireintl | Feb 14, 2013 | Dating, Forgiveness, Gratitude, HDI Blog, Intimacy, Love, Marriage, Relationship Advice
by Gladys Diaz
I know that today is a day that most people associate with being in a relationship. I’m not going to lie. I smiled from ear to ear when my husband said, “Happy Valentine’s Day” first right as the clock struck midnight last night! I love loving and being loved by him!
I also know this isn’t the easiest day in the world for women who aren’t in their dream relationship yet or who are going through a rough patch with the man they love. We’ve commercialized a holiday (like we tend to do with all the others), and have lost sight of what today really signifies – A day to celebrate LOVE!
Love comes in as many shapes, sizes, and flavors as the chocolates contained in the heart-shaped boxes that millions of people are giving and receiving today! There is family love; the love shared between friends; the love we extend to humanity, simply because we are all one; and, yes, romantic love. But there’s another type of love that we sometimes forget to recognize, which may be the most important love of all: Self-Love!
Whitney Houston said it best when she said, “Learning to love yourself, it is the greatest love of all!”
Being able to see ourselves just as we are and just as we are not – with all of our quirks, imperfections, and scars (the ones you see and the deeper ones you can’t) – and bring love, acceptance, and forgiveness to even those parts of us we wish weren’t there, is the access to discovering and experiencing true love. Not a single one of us is perfect. And many of us believe that there are things about ourselves that are unlovable. We worry that if the person we love were to discover “that thing” that we keep hidden and locked away about ourselves, he will almost certainly leave and stop loving us. But the truth is, that it isn’t really the other person who wouldn’t love and accept that part of us. We’re the ones who push others away, too afraid to open up and let love in.
I don’t have to know you personally to know that some of this is probably resonating with you. And, if it is, I invite you to make this Valentine’s Day all about YOU! Make it about loving, accepting, and forgiving yourself. Look within yourself, and make today the day that you experience the beauty and wonder of loving yourself completely!
So, how can you do that? It’s simple. Not always “easy,” but simple.
1. Forgive yourself. All of us have done at least one thing in our lives that we wish we hadn’t. Rather than continuing to rehash and punish yourself for those things, grant yourself forgiveness. You’ve probably already experienced whatever consequence there was to experience. So just think of the situation, let go of the regrets and resentment, and say the words, “I forgive myself for…” Say it aloud, so that you can hear yourself and allow the forgiveness to penetrate your heart.
2. Give yourself permission to be happy. Some of us are so addicted to drama, worry, and suffering that we’ll create situations to stress, argue, and suffer over. Know that you are worthy of happiness. You were created to live in peace and joy. Give yourself permission to laugh and live and love! If you did Step 1 and forgave yourself, you’ll probably find this step a lot easier!
3. Treat yourself. Are there hobbies and activities you enjoy doing, but never make the time? Are there ways you’d like to pamper yourself? Are there treats and gifts you’d love to get and wish someone else would give them to you? Why not make today a day that you treat yourself to life’s pleasures? Get that massage; have the chocolates (the whole box, if you want to!); take a nice, long bath; take yourself out on a date! Do whatever it is that brings you joy, peace, and pleasure. And enjoy every minute of it. You really do deserve it!
For more ideas on how to remove the barriers that are blocking love from your life and experience the magic and wonder of falling in love with YOU, read the book 30 Days and 30 Ways to Fall In Love with You, and begin a 30-day journey that will completely transform the way you experience yourself and your life!
The more you bring love and acceptance to yourself, the easier it becomes to allow love to enter your heart. The more you give yourself permission to experience joy and gratitude, the greater the chances that you will attract more of that into your life. And the better you treat yourself, the more you send the message to yourself and the world: “I am love-able – Able to both love and be loved!”
We wish you a day overflowing with all of the love, happiness, and peace your heart desires!
Remember: You are LOVE-ABLE!
Image courtesy of FreeDigitalPhotos.net
by heartsdesireintl | Jan 8, 2013 | Dating, HDI Blog, Intimacy, Love, Marriage, Relationship Advice, Romance
by Gladys Diaz
Every couple argues. It’s inevitable. You have two completely different human beings – with all of their past, fears, ideas, and opinions – coming together to try to form one life. Because we don’t stop being who we are when we become part of a couple, it just stands to reason that from time to time you and your honey will not being seeing eye-to-eye. Creating a wonderful relationship is NOT about perfection. It’s about learning how to deal with both your own and his imperfections in a way that honors and respects who you both are – for yourselves and one another.
If arguments are inevitable, does that mean it’s okay to have full-blown fights? Well, I suppose some might say it’s “okay,” but I will also say that nothing can chip away at the intimacy in a relationship more than constant fighting.
Aside from the fact that there is usually a lot of disrespect involved, it’s also true that constantly bickering and arguing with someone is exhausting – even for those who are addicted to drama. It just takes so much out of you when you constantly feel like you need to be on your guard, defending yourself and your point of view from the person who supposedly loves you.
One time, at one of our workshops, my husband was speaking to the ladies, answering their questions about men, love, and relationships, and someone asked him what men want most. His answers surprised all of us (myself included). He said that what men want more than anything is peace. He went on to explain how, before I started practicing the skills I now teach, all he wanted was peace. This is why he would either shut down and give me the silent treatment, or blow up and yell at me when I simply would not stop nagging and yelling at him, because he knew that I would end up crying, leaving the room, and then he would finally have the peace he’d been asking for the twenty times he had told me, “I don’t want to talk about this right now!”
This is why I tell my clients that it’s not that men don’t know how to deal with women’s emotions. It’s simply that they don’t like the drama. Even if they love a woman, if there is constant nagging, bickering, and drama, they will tend to withdraw – either physically, emotionally, or both.
So, if disagreeing is a normal part of being in a relationship, but constant arguing chips away at the intimacy, how can we disagree without letting things get out of hand? Well, one thing we can do is to stop the fight before it even begins. There are basic ways we can do that:
- Disengage: Rather than jumping into the knee-jerk reaction you have when he says or does something that “triggers” you, choose not to engage in the argument or conversation. Basically, you want to RSVP “No” to the invitation to engage in a familiar argument or a conversation that usually leads to one. The easiest way to do this is by leaving the room and going to do something that makes you feel peaceful and relaxed.
- Remain quiet… for now: Usually, when we are triggered is not the best time to try to have a calm, logical conversation that is going to lead to a solution. So, until you can calmly say what you are thinking and feeling, it’s best to not say anything at all.
- Deal with the real issue: Sometimes, it can feel as if everything our guy is doing is getting on our last nerve. Things that we can usually ignore or let slide set us off, and we end up criticizing or lecturing him. Many times, this happens when we’re upset or worried about something else, because it’s easier to see someone else’s faults and “fix” their problems than it is to deal with our own. So, before you start complaining, make sure you are clear about what you are really upset about.
Now, does all of this mean that you just ignore your feelings, keep everything bottled in, and pretend that you’re not upset when you are? Absolutely not! It’s important to be able to express how you are feeling, what you want and what you don’t want. However, there are ways of expressing your feelings and desires in a way that is clear and allows you to have the experience of being heard.
- Sort yourself out with someone other than him. Share and vent your feelings with a friend – someone you trust and who is standing for the success of your relationship. It helps if this person is happily married, as she will probably give you some good advice.
- Focus on what you are actually feeling. Rather than complaining about what he’s doing/not doing or saying/not saying, focus on how you are feeling. These words are usually used to name emotions. For example, saying “I’m disappointed that I won’t be able to visit my family for the holidays” is much more effective than saying, “If you would have done a better job of saving money, rather than spending it all on fixing up your car, we could have been able to afford the tickets to go visit my family.” See the difference?
- Share your feelings in a manner that is calm and clear. The more calmly and clearly you express what you are feeling, the easier it will be for him to actually hear what you are saying. Doing the first two steps – talking things through with someone else and focusing on what you are feeling (rather than on what he did) will help you do this. The more calm and clear you are, the less he is going to feel like he needs to defend himself. This also comes across as more vulnerable, which usually sparks the man’s natural desire to protect and try to please you.
Comments? Questions? Let us know below! We love hearing from you!
Image courtesy of photstock via FreeDigitalPhotos.net
by heartsdesireintl | Dec 29, 2012 | Dating, HDI Blog, Intimacy, Love, Marriage, Parenting, Relationship, Relationship Advice, Romance
The other night something happened that caused me to really put my “work” to work. A virtual friend of several years reached out to me on my Facebook Wall about something she was going through, and I responded with some advice I thought would encourage her.
Unfortunately, something that I said must have been misinterpreted, and, what was originally a conversation between me and her on my Wall was taken public on Facebook, where she tagged me in a post that was about “losing friends” as a result of a choice she made. When I first saw my name on the post, I was confused, as our conversation had nothing to do with ending our friendship. In fact, I had told her that I loved her and how I had always seen her as a loving person.
Confused, I reiterated my love and support for her, only to have her son post a very crude and foul response questioning my sincerity, as well as calling my work as a relationship coach into question. I don’t know her son and had no idea where the anger was coming from. I chose to excuse myself from the thread, as this is not the type of conversation or interaction in which I choose to participate. In spite of this, I saw that there were still nasty things being said in my absence.
I reached out to my friend privately and suggested we speak so that we could clarify any misunderstandings, as I know that what is written can sometimes be misinterpreted. No response. I told her I had deleted the post that she had put on my Wall (in case something I had said had hurt or offended her) and waited to hear from her. Again, no response.
I did, however, get another nasty private message from her son. I explained that she and I had been having a private conversation that it was misinterpreted and taken public. And, again, apologized if I had said something to hurt his mom. No response.
I won’t pretend that I wasn’t angry. I was. And I was hurt, too. I’m human.
I tried to shake it off, reminding myself that what they were thinking and feeling probably had more to do with what my friend is going through than it had to do with me, and that the feelings I had expressed were authentic. Still, it hurt that someone would think that I was being anything but loving with them. And having my integrity called into question bothered me.
As a coach, I sometimes have to say things people don’t want to hear. I do it with no other intention than to share what I feel will make a difference for them. And I always remind my clients and friends that I am coming from a place of love and standing in my commitment to them and their happiness. While I may not agree with someone’s choices, disagreement does not equal judgment. I believe that we are each free to choose what we feel is the right choice for ourselves. So, while I may not agree with you, I will not judge you.
After about an hour of feeling bothered, I realized that a lot of what I was feeling had to do with my own ego – wanting to be liked; not wanting to be questioned or seen in a negative light. So I began to let that go.
I spoke to my husband about what was going on, and, as I spoke, the hurt turned to anger. My husband, who has much thicker skin and is a lot less emotional than I am, told me to de-friend her and call it a day. I, on the other hand, wanted to mend the relationship, if possible. He got a bit frustrated and told me I had no need for negative people and people who clearly don’t know me enough to know that I always try to come from a space of love.
In the past, this conversation would have turned into an argument between him and me about how he was being judgmental and unreasonable and just trying to step in and “fix it,” rather than just letting me vent. However, I’ve learned to listen to the message behind his words – his “heart message” – and what I heard loud and clear was: “I love you and I don’t want anyone to hurt you.” In his way, he was standing up and defending me. And I love him for it.
As soon as I got how much my husband loved and wanted to defend me, a space of compassion opened up for me regarding my friend’s son! For whatever reason, something I said had been misinterpreted and my friend was hurt. Perhaps she felt I was judging her. I hope not, but she mentioned feeling that she had to explain her choice in her post. So, perhaps she shared her hurt feelings with her son, and, because he loves her, he felt the need to defend and protect her, too. As much as I disagree with the way he went about doing so, by bringing compassion to the situation and to him, I was able to let go of the “residue” of resentment that was growing in my heart and hear his heart message for his mom.
I don’t know whether my friend and I will ever speak again. I hope we do. I pray that she is able to get through this part of her journey surrounded by those who love her. I’ve apologized. There’s nothing more I can do, except send love and light her way.
No matter what happens, I am so thankful for this lesson learned, this work, the skills and principles we teach, and that I was able to use them both within and outside the relationship with my husband to let go of pain and resentment and bring peace and love back into my heart.
Because, in the end, peace and love are what this work – our work – is all about!
Questions? Comments? Please share them below. We love hearing from you!
Photo credit: Susan von Struensee via photopin.com cc
I’m so excited to share some great news with you!!! Today, May 3rd, 2013, I am the featured Inspirational Luminary on InspireMeToday.com, sharing my message with the world! This FREE website is one to bookmark!
