by heartsdesireintl | Mar 5, 2018 | Communication, Dating, Intimacy, Love, Marriage, Relationship, Relationship Advice, Romance
by Gladys Diaz
Quick question:
Do you find yourself thinking about how your man isn’t giving you the time and attention you want – whether it’s someone you’re dating, your boyfriend, or your husband?
Even worse… Do you allow those thoughts to pop out of your mouth in the form of statements like:
“We never spend any quality time together?”
“You have time for everyone and everything else, except me!”
“Why don’t you want to spend time with me anymore?”
While it may seem as if you are simply “being honest” or “sharing your feelings,” the truth is that there are a few words that describe those kinds of statements: nagging, complaining, and criticizing.
Now, before you scroll down to write a comment to tell me off or give me all the reasons why this IS how you feel, hear me out.
I get that you want to spend more time with him. Chances are that, when you see him spending less time with you, it triggers some fears and doubts in you about how he really feels about you. In fact, you may even have asked him how he feels about you (something I’ll cover in another post!).
I really do hear you.
However, consider that those statements, while they may be said with underlying valid feelings and desires, they don’t communicate the real feelings and thoughts underneath the complaints. Instead, they communicate:
“You’re wrong.”
“I’m needy.”
“It’s your responsibility to make me happy.”
So, how can you say what you feel WITHOUT nagging, complaining, or pushing your guy away?
Say some simple and clear messages such as:
“I miss you.”
“I feel lonely.”
“I love spending time with you.”
I know… Those are pretty vulnerable statements and it’s scary to be vulnerable, especially if you’re questioning how he feels about you.
However, if you close your eyes, take a deep breath, and breathe deep into your heart for just a minute, you’ll see the truth in them: This is how you really feel.
What’s even better, if you share your feelings with him this way, he’ll actually be able to hear you!
And that’s what you really want, right?
See, the truth is that there isn’t a man on this planet who has EVER been inspired by nagging, criticism, or complaining.
These statements are simply not inspiring or motivating. In fact, you’ve probably noticed that they have the opposite effect, making him pull further away from you, and they don’t really do much to change the situations… Which has you bring it up again, and again, and again, with NO different results.
If this has been your experience, we’d like to invite you to try something different!
The next time you’re feeling as if your guy isn’t spending enough time with you, and you’re tempted to complain about it, I invite you to say something like:
“I miss you.”
“I’d love to spend time together.”
“I can’t wait to have some time alone.”
These statements are A LOT more inspiring, they let him know how you are feeling, and they will allow him to hear you.
Oh! And don’t be surprised if he begins spending more time with you!
If you’re feeling like you’re not getting the time and attention you want from your man and you’d like support and guidance on how to turn things around, we’ve opened up some time in our calendars for you to schedule a Love Breakthrough Session with one of us.
On this call, we’ll help you see what is getting in the way of you having the kind of experience you want to have in dating or your relationship, and we’ll create a step-by-step plan for you to follow so that you being to experience the love and happiness your heart desires!
CLICK HERE to schedule your Love Breakthrough Session!
Love, dating, and relationships do NOT have to be hard. They are easy when you know exactly what to do and say to get the results you want without having to force, nag, or “get him” to do what you want! Let us help you!
Schedule a Love Breakthrough Session and get the love you want!
by heartsdesireintl | Aug 4, 2017 | Dating, Heart's Desire International, heartache, Love, Marriage, Ready to Love Again, Relationship, Relationship Advice
by Gladys Diaz
I wonder…
Do you ever ask yourself, “Is there any hope for me? Will I ever really have the love and happiness I long for?”
If you have, you’re not alone.
I have been there. I have been in that dark and lonely place where I wondered whether I would ever truly be loved and whether the deep sadness that filled my heart would be filled with joy again.
It wasn’t until I looked inside my own heart to find why it was that I believed that I couldn’t and wouldn’t be loved and then took the steps to break through those disempowering thoughts that were causing the very loneliness and sadness I was feeling that I called in the love of my life!
Now, to see me today, you might never imagine that I had those kinds of thoughts. In fact, you might be under the impression that I’ve always been “lucky” and had a pretty easy life and healthy relationships.
Unfortunately, that wasn’t always true. There was a time in my life when I questioned whether I would ever truly love and be loved.
This is why I chose to share my story on Wednesday night’s teleclass: “The Self-Love Secrets Revealed.”
Truthfully, I hadn’t planned on going that deeply into my story, but I’m glad I did, because the feedback has been amazing!
Women created real shifts in their lives as a result of both the story and the exercise I led them through, so, while I also hadn’t planned on sending out the replay, given the feedback I’ve received, decided to go ahead and make the recording available to you.
Why?
Because most women keep wishing, hoping, and praying year after year for something to change in their lives, but they don’t take the steps they need to break through the heartache and create their heart’s desires.
And I know how empty and painful it can be when you desire to love and be loved, but you doubt whether you will experience that joy in your life. I also know the exact steps you can take to get to break through to the other side and have the love you want, because I took those same steps myself, so I KNOW they work!
If you are ready to finally have the love you want, carve out the time for yourself this weekend to listen to the replay.
So, grab a cup of something yummy, your notebook or journal, you colored pens, highlighters, and sticky notes, and give yourself the gift of this teleclass.
<<Click here to access the replay of “Self-Love Secrets Revealed” and have a love breakthrough!>>
Once you’ve listened, if you’re truly inspired and ready to learn what your next steps should be, take me up on the invitation I make at the end of the call. I only have a few left, so don’t hesitate if you know that this is YOUR TIME.
If you are ready and willing to listen and take the steps, I promise that I will make sure you have the guidance you need to have a real breakthrough in your love life!
Imagine for a moment what it will be like when you are finally in the arms of the man who loves, adores, and wants nothing more than to make you happy and see you smile. THAT’S what’s waiting for you on the other side. And that’s what Michelle and I are committed to helping you attract and create into your life. So make the time, listen to the recording, respond to the invitation, and let’s break through this together!
<<Click here to listen to the replay and transform your love life!>>
by heartsdesireintl | Jul 28, 2017 | breakups, Dating, Heart's Desire International, heartache, Love, Marriage, Ready to Love Again, Relationship Advice, Uncategorized
by Gladys Diaz
Have you ever really wanted to break a habit or pattern you see happening over and over again in your life, but, no matter how hard you try to stop doing it on your own, no matter how many books you read, videos you watch or teleclasses you attend, you still find yourself doing the same things you promised yourself you would not do?
The same thing was true for one of my clients when it came to dating and relationships. I’ll call her Sophia, to protect her privacy.
Sophia didn’t necessarily have trouble attracting men. She would get asked out on dates and, sometimes, on multiple dates by the same guy.
The problem was that it seemed like the men she was attracting weren’t really interested in having committed relationships. They wanted to go out, have fun, and be sexually intimate, but they were not looking to have a committed relationship with her.
While it felt good to be asked out by men, this pattern of attracting men who did not want to have a long-lasting relationship with her made Sophia feel confused, frustrated, and used – especially if the man had said up front that he was looking for someone to be in a relationship, and even more so if she had been sexually intimate with him.
What Sophia discovered while we worked together was that the reason she was continuously finding herself in the same situation was not necessarily because every single man she was dating was not interested in a having a committed relationship.
It was because she had a hidden belief that, if she slept with a man who was showing interest in her, that having that physical connection would somehow ensure that he would want to have more of an emotional connection with her.
What would happen, however, is that she would feel overly attached to the man, begin acting as if they were in a relationship, and subconsciously begin demanding more time, attention, and affection from the man.
What was even more surprising to her was that she also had a hidden belief that the man would eventually disappoint and leave her.
So, subconsciously, she was attracting men who would confirm for her the hidden belief that she would not find a man who would love and accept her without her having to sleep with him, and that, even when she did, he would still leave her.
Now, it’s important to understand that Sophia did not want to continue repeating the same patterns.
In fact, if you asked her, she would tell you the exact opposite of that.
However, because these beliefs were in her subconscious, they were hidden from her – in her blind spot – and she was continuing to attract the same kind of man, take the same actions, and experience the same heartache time and time again.
As we worked together, Sophia began to uncover more of the Love Barriers that were blocking her from attracting and receiving the kind of love she really wanted. As we did the HeartWork to remove those barriers, she began experiencing more success in dating – having more fun, attracting really great men who were interested in possibly having a relationship with her, and finally meeting a wonderful man with whom she is living out the love and life of her dreams.
If you’re like Sophia, and you are tired of trying to stop repeating the same patterns, or, worse, you’ve pretty much given up on finding the kind of love you want, then I want to encourage you and let you know that you, too, can have the kind of loving relationship you want with a man who is going to truly and deeply love you for the rest of his life!
But here’s the deal: You have to be willing to take the steps to uncover the hidden barriers that are in your blind spot, blocking you from attracting and having the relationship of your dreams. Otherwise, the self-sabotage will continue.
Trust me, if you knew what they were and how to stop allowing them to keep you repeating the same painful patterns, you would have already done it.
Sometimes it takes working with someone who can lovingly guide you to see what you haven’t been able to see on your own. Then, once the barriers have been uncovered, we can get to the work of breaking and replacing them with new thought and behavior patterns that will allow you to easily and effortlessly attract the love you desire into your life!
If you’re ready to stop “trying” and you want to really get past this once and for all, I’ve opened up a few spots on my calendar next week, and I’d be happy to help you have your love breakthrough!
Simply click here to schedule time for a Love Breakthrough Session, and we’ll do this together!
Remember: You deserve to finally be happy and in love with a man who deserves and desires you! Isn’t that worth doing what it takes to removing whatever’s in the way?
No matter what’s happened in the past, you can break the patterns that have kept you stuck in heartache. Let’s talk and breakthrough those patterns together!
Click here to schedule your Love Breakthrough Session.
by heartsdesireintl | Jul 1, 2017 | Dating, Heart's Desire International, heartache, Intimacy, Love, Marriage, Ready to Love Again, Relationship Advice
by Gladys Diaz
Last week something happened to me that was really scary. I can honestly say that I hadn’t felt that scared in a long time.
I went back and forth about whether or not to share this publicly, but I think it’s important to be real and not give the impression that I’m invincible or that I don’t every have my share of “curve balls” thrown at me.
About 3 or 4 weeks ago, I started noticing a tingling sensation in my left arm, primarily from my elbow to my wrist, and, sometimes my fingertips. I spend a lot of time on my computer, and I’ve had Carpal Tunnel Syndrome a few times, so, when I looked up the symptoms and saw that Carpal Tunnel was a common cause of tingling in the arm, I assumed it was that.
I began to notice that I also felt tingling in my left leg, and then my right leg, in the outer shin area, and didn’t know what to make of that. However, it would come and go, so, while I was a bit concerned, I didn’t make a big deal about it.
Last Tuesday, however, I felt tingling and numbness on my face, neck, down my left arm and leg. After a few hours, I began to get concerned, so I went to Urgent Care. They recommended I go to the ER, and they proceeded to do various tests, scans, and MRIs, and recommended I stay overnight.
As I was laying down for them to conduct the CAT Scan, I began to worry.
What if this is something serious?
Why do they keep talking about “a stroke”?
Will I be able to take care of my children?
How will this impact my marriage?
What about my clients?
These thoughts were running through my head all at once, and I really had to do the work that we teach our clients to separate facts from fears, because the truth is that our mind will usually envision and play out the worst possible scenarios, and my mind, left to its own devices, is no exception!
So, I was being intentional, moment by moment, to not allow my fears to take over or take me down the slippery mental slope of imagining the very worst.
As I was going through all of this, I got really present to the fact that I truly want to LIVE!
I don’t just want to exist or survive.
I want to LIVE.
I want to LOVE.
I want to GIVE myself fully to my family and to this world and do the work that I know I was born to do as a woman, wife, mother, and coach.
And, naturally, I started thinking about you.
I literally said to God,
“Lord, there is still so much I feel I need to do.
What about all of the women who still haven’t met the love of their lives?
What about the women who are feeling sad and lonely in their relationships?
Please, allow me the opportunity to do the work You’ve called me to do.”
And, once I prayed that prayer, there was a peace that came over me. I can’t explain it. In that moment, I just KNEW with every fiber of my being that everything was going to be okay.
I still don’t know what caused the episode or why I still have some tingling in my arms and legs. However, I am working with a doctor to find out exactly what is going on and what to do to turn it around.
Why? Because I don’t want to pretend to the know the answers when I don’t, and I’m also not going to wait and see if things “fix” themselves on their own. I’m willing to do whatever it takes to heal anything that is out of alignment in my body so that I can continue living, loving, carrying out my mission, and making my dreams and other women’s dreams come true!
What about you?
I don’t know what curve balls life has thrown at you.
I don’t know what heartache or pain or fear you are experiencing right now.
But here is what I do know:
If you have a dream in your heart of living in a happy, loving, intimate relationship where you are loved and desired by a man who wants nothing more than to help make your dreams come true and you are not in that relationship yet, then part of my life’s mission is helping you create that relationship.
I know it can be scary when you’re not sure why things are going the way they are going and you don’t have all the answers you need to begin turning your love life around.
My invitation is that you not allow those fears to paralyze and take you out of the game. Don’t allow them to make you wonder if your dream is possible. IT IS!
And, if you don’t have the answers, then it’s time to begin working with someone who does – someone who can help you see what’s been getting in the way of attracting and having the love you want and who can help give you the exact steps you can take to begin transforming yourself and your love life so that you can finally experience the loving relationship your heart desires.
You deserve all the happiness and love your heart longs for. You truly do.
Believe it!
And if I can help you create it, then write to me or leave me a comment and let me know how I can serve and support you, because you, your dreams, and your happiness matter to me!
by heartsdesireintl | Jun 21, 2017 | Communication, Dating, Heart's Desire International, Love, Marriage, Relationship Advice, Uncategorized
by Gladys Diaz
I don’t know if you’re anything like me, but, when I feel there is a problem, I like to do anything I can to resolve it as quickly as possible.
This problem-solving skill serves me well when it comes to helping my clients get through difficult situations in their love lives and relationships. It’s also served me well as a businesswoman.
It doesn’t, however, always serve me well when it comes to my relationship with my husband.
See, what many women don’t realize is that while women’s brains are wired to almost instantaneously think, feel, and say what we are thinking and feeling, men’s brains are not. In fact, the female brain has 7 areas that connect feelings, emotions and words, while the male brain has 2 areas that are wired in this manner.
Now, that doesn’t mean that woman are any better or smarter than men. Our brains are wired differently for a reason.
Think about it… Men, at their origin, were hunters. If they did not kill the prey, the entire tribe would go hungry and die. They had to have laser-like focus. Feelings and emotions could not cloud their judgment. They had to think about one thing and one thing alone: getting food for the tribe.
The reason it’s important to know and understand this is because, if you’re like many women, when there is an issue concerning your relationship, you want to “talk” about it, and you want him to want to talk about them NOW!
Your man, on the other hand, may not want or be able to talk about it right at this moment, and, again, if you’re like many women, you may find yourself making this mean something about him and how he feels about the relationship.
For example, you may think to yourself:
If he really cared about me or us, he’d want to resolve this as soon as possible.
He obviously cares more about his work (or whatever he is doing) than me.
This relationship is clearly not a priority for him. Otherwise he would drop what he was doing and deal with this NOW.
Sound familiar?
I know it does to me!
In the past, when there was a problem in our relationship, I would want to discuss it, right here, right now, and then be shocked when my husband would say, “I don’t want to talk about this right now.”
Then things would go something like this:
Me: (In my head) What? Doesn’t he see how important this is? Clearly he doesn’t see how important this is!
Me: (Out of my mouth) But we need to discuss this. It’s important.
Him: I get that it’s important, but I don’t want to talk about it right now.
Me: (In my head) I can’t believe he doesn’t care about us!
Then I would proceed to keep emphasizing how important this was and how we needed to talk and how it couldn’t wait, and (you get the picture)… until, finally, he would blow up at me and storm out of the room, and then I’d really feel as if he didn’t care!
And that would lead to hours (and, sometimes, days) of stone-cold silence, anger, and unnecessary pain – for both of us.
The truth is that he did care. He does care. (And so does your guy!)
What happens, is that men need a little more time to process the information, especially when a slew of emotionally-charged information is being thrown at them.
What’s happening when your guy is not ready to talk about something is that he is processing the information he’s been given, or he is focused on something else that is important (not necessarily “more important” than you, which is what you may be making it mean), and he needs some time to process and get his thoughts together so that he can focus on the issue at hand before he can talk about it.
So, what do you do when there is something you want to discuss and your guy isn’t ready to talk right now?
1. Respect his preference.
I know it’s hard. This one can still be hard for me. Even this past weekend, my husband had to repeat to me that he didn’t want to talk about something before I could hear him. In the past, I would get upset because I felt ignored and uncared for. Now, I get that when he’s saying he doesn’t want to talk and I keep pressuring him to talk, he’s also feeling ignored and unheard, and this means that any conversation that takes place right then and there is probably not going to lead to a resolution.
2. Remind yourself that “not now” does not mean “never.”
One of the reasons I would panic and keep insisting on getting my husband to talk was because I feared that we would “never” discuss it, and that worried me. That fear and anxiety triggered my need to try to control the conversation (and him), which just led to him resisting the conversation (and me) even more. Now I remind myself that “not now” actually means “later,” not never, which helps me to calm down, step back, and allow both of us space to calm down and gather our thoughts so that, when we do talk, it leads to a win-win for us.
I will also say something like, “I understand that you don’t want to talk right now, and I respect that. Please know that I’m here when you’re ready to talk.” Sometimes we’ll even set a time to talk (after the kids go to bed, for example) so that we know that the conversation will, indeed happen.
3. Focus on something else.
I’ve found that focusing on something else – like going for a run, reading a book, playing a “mind-numbing” game on my phone, listening to something inspirational, or drawing – help me busy my mind so that I’m not hyper-focused on when the conversation will happen or what it will be like. By taking care of myself and my needs, I can control the only side of things that is ever mine to control: me. This allows me to relax, feel empowered, and not come from an emotionally-charged place when we finally do have the conversation.
4. Talk to someone else.
Talking to someone else – a girlfriend, sister, or your relationship coach – is also a great way to sort and work through your thoughts and feelings before speaking with your guy. Now, I will add a caveat here. It’s important that you be very selective when you choose who you are going to talk to about your relationship. Make sure that it is someone who is standing for your relationship to work, not someone who is going to bash your guy, take your side, or give you relationship or communication advice that is not for your highest good. If your friend is not in a happy, loving relationship, she may not be the best person to turn to. You want to share with someone who is going to love and support you and have you show up in your best light. This is where having a good relationship coach can make all the difference.
Otherwise, you’ll just be getting “advice,” and advice is usually shared from the other person’s own fears and doubts, as well as her patterns. Coaching, on the other hand provides you with the exact steps you can take to speak with love, be fully in your power, and seeking a win-win solution.That way, when you finally do have the conversation, you are not just talking about something that happened or needs to be resolved, but you are talking for something (resolution, peace, and the highest good for both of you in the relationship).
I know it’s not always easy to hit the “pause” button and not resolve something that is on your heart and mind.Uncertainty can trigger fear and sometimes fear gets the best of us and begin trying to push to try to get something to happen, rather than stepping back and allowing things to come together peacefully and naturally.
However, I promise you that if you follow these 4 steps, not only will that eventual conversation be a lot more peaceful, but you will also feel so much more empowered and connected to your guy when you know that you are coming together at the right time as partners seeking the best outcome, versus “enemies” seeking to prove their own point or get their own “win.” Because, by default, when only one person “wins” in a conversation or argument, the other person must “lose.” And, where there is true partnership, a win-win is always the best outcome.
So…
- Take a deep breath…
- Take a step back…
- Follow these steps…
- And reach out to me if you have any questions or want some support regarding having more loving, peaceful, and connected communication with your partner. You can either send me an email or click here to schedule time to talk.
