by heartsdesireintl | Mar 21, 2014 | Communication, Dating, Heart's Desire International, Love, Marriage, Relationship, Relationship Advice
by Gladys Diaz
This afternoon, Michelle and I had an opportunity to join our friend and host of Social Chats, Tonya Scholz and her co-host, Dean Bairaktaris to discuss why and how men and women communicate differently and how understanding these differences can make or break a relationship.
It was an interesting topic, to say the least!
The truth is that good communication is at the heart of making a relationship work. But “good communication” isn’t just about you saying what you want the other person to hear. It involves understanding how to say what it is you want to say so that the other person can understand what is being said. It’s also about understanding and accepting that there are differences in the way that men and women speak, hear, process, and use the information being delivered and received.
If we can begin to understand these differences, and accept them as not as “right” or “wrong,” “better” or “worse,” but simply as different, we are on our way to improving and bring peace to all of our relationships – our romantic relationships, the relationship we have with our family and friends, those with our co-workers, and, yes, even the relationship between countries!
Below are some of the main differences we spoke about on the show.
Women tend to speak a lot more than men do,
The fact is that most women tend to speak more – a lot more – than men do. For example, research shows that, while most women tend to speak about 20,000 words a day, most men speak about 10,000 words in a day. That means that there is a 50% difference between the amount of talking that is being done between men and women.
This is why, while women tend to want to include what we feel are “important details” when telling a story or relaying information, men tend to want us to just “get to the point.” It’s also why you’ll begin to see that “glazed” look come across a man’s face when there are simply too many words being said. It’s not that he doesn’t care or doesn’t want to listen. It’s just that there’s so much coming at him at once, it’s difficult to figure out what it is you are really trying to say.
If, as women, we can understand this, then we can begin to get clear about what it is we want to say so that he can actually hear it!
Women’s and men’s brains process emotional information differently.
While men’s brains tend to process better in the left hemisphere – which is more logical and factual, women tend to process equally between both hemispheres. There are actually more areas of the woman’s brains that connect their ability to feel, process, and speak about their feelings, then in the man’s brain. This is why, if a woman is communicating very emotionally, she may have the experience that the man “doesn’t care,” because he isn’t saying anything right away. It possible that what he’s doing is processing the information coming at him. He’s actually having to “sift” through all of the emotions coming at him, coupled with the tone of voice, volume level, tears (if there are any), the intensity with which the actual words are being delivered.
If, as women, we can understand this, then we can begin to be responsible for the manner in which we are communicating, and choose to wait until we can do so in a calm and rationale manner so that (1) he can actually hear what we’re saying, and (2) so that the processing time can be shorter.
Women tend to want to talk about several things at once, while men are more single-focused
There are two difference that fall under this category.
Men are single-focused individuals. While a woman can talk about what happened during the day, the fact that she’s worried about her friend’s surgery, and the argument that she had with a co-worker, men tend to be single-minded. That means that they will communicate better if there is one topic being addressed at a time.
By the way, ladies, this is also why he’s not listening when you’re talking to him during the game! It’s not that he doesn’t care, it’s that he’s focused on something else. It’s not personal, so don’t take it personally!
Men prefer transition time. If a man has been dealing with something at work, working on a project, or doing something that takes a lot of his attention and energy and you want to have a conversation with him, it’s probably a good idea to give him some transition time, or, what I refer to as “time to decompress.”
Allowing some time for his attention and energy to transition from one activity or topic to the other means that, when you do finally get to communicate with him, the conversation is probably going to go a lot better than if you approach him with a machine gun of questions, topics, and decisions that need to be made right away.
If, as women, we can understand and accept this difference, then we can allow time to pass so that when we finally do have the conversation we’d like to have with him, he can be present, attentive, and responsive to what we are saying.
The most important thing to keep in mind is that the communication styles between men and women are “different,” does not mean that one is better or worse than the other.
If we can bring both understanding and acceptance to these differences, we’ll not only be able to improve the level and type of communication we have in our relationships, but we’ll also experience more peace, happiness, and intimacy as a result!
Feel free to contact us if you’d like more information on how you can learn learn how to communicate more effectively with members of the opposite sex!
We’ll be sharing the actual interview in our next article!
For more information on Social Chats, visit: http://socialchats.net/
Questions? Comments? Let us know below! We love hearing from you!
by heartsdesireintl | Mar 22, 2013 | Dating, HDI Blog, Intimacy, Love, Relationship Advice
by Gladys Diaz
Why is it that many of us postpone our own happiness? We put our work and other responsibilities ahead of our happiness. We keep putting off doing the things that will lead to us having the things we say we want and are important to us.
I do it, too. I talk about how I want to stay slim and healthy, but I’ll make sleeping in more important than getting up to work out, or I’ll put meeting a work deadline ahead of my work out time.
However, dreaming about wearing any bathing suit I’d like this summer is not going to have me burn calories. Complaining about my weight is not going to make the pounds shed or the muscles get firm. Wishing I had a better metabolism is not going to magically transform my body into a slim and toned masterpiece. The only thing that is going to make a difference is me making the time to work out, making healthy food choices, and finally choosing to make my health and well-being a priority.
The same holds true when it comes to having the relationship of our dreams. Many of us put our happiness on hold. We use excuses like there not being any good guys out there, complaining that dating is “hard,” and wishing that our love life would somehow magically change to keep us stuck where we are: frustrated, dissatisfied, and disappointed.
Dreaming about being in a great relationship is not going to have you getting out there and meeting someone new.
Complaining about how there aren’t any good men and how the good ones are all taken is not going to make a great guy call you, out of the blue.
And wishing that he’d just show up on your doorstep so that you don’t have to go out on another date is not going to have the man who is right for you just magically appear.
What’s going to make a difference in your love life is learning about ways to make dating a fun and fulfilling experience that actually leads to you attracting the man who’s right for you into your life. What will make a difference is focusing on yourself and on the things that you can do to actually create the life and love your heart desires!
And tomorrow is the day you can take the first step on the path toward making the relationship of your dreams a reality!
Join us for a FREE Orientation Meeting about the “Attract and Marry the Man Who’s Right for You” 1-Day Workshop.
During this FREE orientation meeting, my twin sister Michelle Roza and I, Gladys Diaz, (a.k.a. “The Love Twins”) will deliver compassionate, practical, and transformational advice that has empowered many single women to attract the romance, intimacy and marriages their hearts desired!
Experience some of the exercises and conversations you’ll be engaged in during the upcoming Surrendered Singles 1-Day Workshop, including how to:
- Stop hunting and start attracting the right man
- Ask men to ask you out so that you’re never without a date
- Become your best self and attract men at your level
- Enjoy the pleasure of being pursued
- Make every date fun
DATE: Saturday, March 23, 2013
TIME: 11:00 a.m. – 1:30 p.m. (Check-in: 10:30 a.m.)
COST: FREE
LOCATION:
PAX: Performing Arts Exchange
337 S.W. 8 St.
Miami, Fl. 33130
(directly under the 95 overpass on your left)
Click here to register!
The bottom line is that you deserve the life and love your heart desires, and it’s up to you to take the first step. Join us and make tomorrow the day that your happily ever after begins! Don’t postpone your dreams a minute longer!
Questions? Comments? Let us know below! We love hearing from you!
Image courtesy of FreeDigitalPhotos.net
by heartsdesireintl | Dec 19, 2012 | Dating, HDI Blog, Intimacy, Love, Marriage, Parenting, Relationship, Relationship Advice, Romance
Being Lovers, Parents, and Partners in the Face of a Tragic Event
by Gladys Diaz
TRAGEDY
This past weekend was a difficult one for everyone in our country, and perhaps even more so for those of us who have children. I found out about the tragedy in Connecticut late in the day, and it threw me for a swirl of emotions. I simply couldn’t believe it and could not even begin to understand it. My mind kept going between the poor babies whose lives were taken, those whose innocence was stolen by what they experienced and saw, the educators who risked it all to protect the children, and trying to imagine what the parents of the children who were killed were going through.
When my husband came home, he could see that I was upset and I told him what had happened. Immediately, we were both overcome with emotion – me in my way: tears, and he in his: silence. Our next thought was how we were going to deal with this regarding our children. How in the world were we supposed to explain something neither one of us could fathom or make sense of? And, how were we supposed to relay something so heinous to child, while, at the same time, not trying to frighten or worry them? And how were we to deal with the questions… I know my kids – especially my older son. There would be questions, and lots of them.
We decided that we would not tell them about it and we would refrain from watching the news while they were awake. In a way, we felt like we were protecting them – preserving their innocence – at least for a little while longer. At that point there were so many unverified accounts of what happened that it was best to just wait, anyway. And maybe wouldn’t say anything at all. We didn’t know. What is “the right thing to do” with something that is so wrong?
We were able to avoid discussing the topic with them all weekend and limited our own discussions about the topic. It wasn’t easy. Every time I saw a picture of a child who passed away and the family photos capturing moments of pure love and joy, or read the stories of the teachers who risked their lives to save the little ones entrusted to them, I simply lost it. And as much as I like to consider myself someone who is a positive thinker and believes in the inherent goodness of people, I struggled with anger and found it hard not to want to blame somebody – anybody – for what was happening. A lot of that was going around on the social media networks – finger-pointing, blame, hate — and I just chose not to get involved in the political aspects of the tragedy. I wanted to send my love and healing thoughts with each picture, tear, and story I read, so I chose to focus on that instead.
On Sunday morning, it occurred to me that, while my younger son is in Kindergarten (and, yes, I had to shake the terror I felt each time I realized that the babies who were killed were his age), and that perhaps many of their parents had also shielded his classmates from the news, my older son is in fourth grade, and some of the kids in his class might have more access to the television and Internet than my kids do. I asked my husband whether he thought we should tell the kids what happened, sans all the details. We agreed to think about it and we’d decide that evening. The truth is that neither one of us wanted to be the one to start the discussion.
When evening finally came, I asked my husband again what he thought. He said he was worried, especially about our older son, who also has a mild form of autism and can get very upset and perseverate on a topic for days. He asked me how I felt about it. I told him I didn’t want to tell them everything, but that I also didn’t want them to hear something from another kid who might not have all of the details correct.
TEARS
So we chose to speak to our kids about what happened. They both had questions – about where Connecticut was, what happened to the bad guy, whether some of the kids were able to escape – and we answered them as best we could. We kept the answers simple, and, when we didn’t know the answers, we said so.
Our older son’s first question was, “Are the kids okay?”
(My husband and I looked at each other. He nodded.) “No, honey. They’re not.”
Our younger son (5) was sad and got very quiet. Our older son (9.5) was angry and very outspoken.
“What kind of madman would hurt little, innocent kids, right before Christmas?!?” (I couldn’t agree more.)
Our older son was glad to hear the bad guy couldn’t hurt anyone else (telling him that the gunman “hurt himself” was another topic I wish I didn’t have to talk about), and he had a few ideas about what should have been done to stop him (security-wise) and done to him (throwing him in a volcano full of lava kept coming up).
At prayer time, we always thank God first and then ask Him to help the poor, people at war, our sponsored child, and people on our prayer list. Our older son was still angry and began thanking God that the killer was dead. I explained that we are all angry and hurt and confused, and that it’s okay to feel that way, but that, if we want a world full of love and peace, we also need to pray loving and peaceful prayers and be loving and peaceful ourselves. So, he closed his eyes, took a breath, and thanked Jesus for his toys, that Christmas is around the corner, that some of the kids were saved, and for being able to spend Christmas with his family (his eyes began to water and he hugged me). Then he asked that God please give the mommies and daddies of the little kids a second chance to be happy. His eyes teared up and he hugged me again. He said he wants to write a letter to the parents and the school and send them $10 (a lot of money in his world). I said we would do that.
I wiped his tears and said, “Thank you for loving other people. You’re a good heart. A beautifully good heart. “ He smiled.
I kissed the area of his chest over his heart and said my own prayer of thanks that he was in my arms and I could do that. I was very aware of the fact that at least 20 other parents were longing to do the same with their children that night.
“Good night, my baby. Have sweet dreams”
“Good night, Mama.”
And, as I walked out of his room the tears of sadness, fear, love, and gratitude began to fall all at once!
TEAMWORK
This was not an easy conversation to have with our children, and I hope we never have to worry about having one like it again. I am, however, happy with the way my husband and I handled it. It felt like, even though our initial reactions were different (sadness vs. anger), we were on the same page.
That’s not always the case in our marriage, as in virtually every other relationship. Sometimes he had an idea for how we should explain something or discipline the kids that is different from mine. Sometimes we differ in how we want to approach a decision, make a purchase, or what we want to do with the kids on the weekend. In the past, when this would happen, I would “argue” my point, give my “opinion,” and, I’m embarrassed to say, I would do whatever I thought was best, completely disregarding my husband’s ideas. I was the teacher, I knew kids better than he, and I was always “right.” And it cost me with regard to the intimacy in my marriage. Big time.
Now I know that, while I still have a right to my own thoughts and opinions, I’m not always right. My husband is another human being in this relationship, and he’s entitled to his own ideas, even if I don’t always agree with them. I have learned that the man I chose to marry would lay down his life for my kids and me, and that I can trust him to make good choices and put our needs first. I don’t have to “defend” or prove that my ideas are valid. I can state them and then we can come to an agreement together, or agree to disagree. By respecting and honoring his thoughts and decisions, our parenting has become much more about teamwork and partnership, and our kids benefit from seeing that, not only do their parents love them, but they also respect and love each other.
And, in a world where it seems like things are out of control, and where it doesn’t always feel safe, I’m glad and grateful that we are able to give them the reassurance that comes with living in a peaceful loving home where they know that we are here, we are a team, that they are safe, and so is their family!
Our heartfelt condolences go to the families of everyone who has been touched by this terrible tragedy. Words cannot begin to provide comfort in such tragic situations, but I hope they will somehow feel the love we are sending their way.
Comments? Questions? Please share them below! We love hearing from you!
Photo credit: PhotgraTree via photopin.com cc
by heartsdesireintl | Dec 18, 2012 | Dating, HDI Blog, Intimacy, Love, Marriage, Relationship, Relationship Advice, Romance
by Gladys Diaz
TONIGHT at 9:00pm Eastern/6:00pm Pacific
Make YOUR 2013 New Year’s Resolutions
for the Love, Relationship and Marriage You Want!
We will spend one magical hour devoted to helping you clarify your love and relationship desires, shaping them into intentions and resolutions, and defining the simple steps to create the relationship you’ve always wanted.
Here’s How it Works:
Come to the call with your homework ready. Just answer this question:
What do you want your love life to be like in 2013?
Don’t worry if you’re not sure what you really want. By the end of the call you’ll be inspired, your intentions will be crystal clear and you’ll know exactly what action to take to make your desire a reality.
To come to this one-time event, sign up for Intimacy Skills Training here!
Your $10 registration fee includes an entire month of Intimacy Skills Training, but space is limited to the first 30 women. We’re keeping the party intimate.
Join now and have a truly happy, love-filled and joyous 2013!
The difference between a “good love life” and a “great love life” is having the relationship your heart desires!
Sign up now!
Photo credit: Sprengben via photopin.com cc
by heartsdesireintl | Nov 7, 2012 | Dating, Gratitude, HDI Blog, Intimacy, Love, Marriage, Relationship, Relationship Advice, Romance
by Gladys Diaz
You know the saying: Once a teacher, always a teacher!
Over 20 years ago, I started my career as an educator. All of my life, I have loved the process of learning, growing, and teaching! Call me a “geek,” but I love coming across new information – particularly when it comes to inspirational and transformational information! If there is something that will help me in my personal and spiritual growth and development, I’m all over it!
This is one of the reasons I’m so passionate about what I do. In my heart, I will always be a a teacher – whether I have a group of students, teachers and administrators in front of me, or a group of amazing women who are interested in learning the skills and habits that lead to life-long romance – I was born to teach! And there is nothing I love more than working with women who are committed to having extraordinary, passionate, loving relationships and teaching them the skills and habits that lead them creating that in their lives!
That’s why I am thrilled to be co-hosting two calls next week with NY Times best-selling author of The Surrendered Single and The Surrendered Wife, Laura Doyle. Heart’s Desire and Laura have worked closely over the past few years to empower women in all stages of relationships with the skills and habits that lead to attracting, creating, and nurturing a passionate, intimate, loving relationship that lasts for a lifetime!
Real-Life Skills for Real-Love Breakthroughs!
These calls will be chalk-full of real-life, practical information that you can start implementing right away and begin attracting and living in the relationship your heart truly desires. And, to make sure you get the information you want, we’re offering separate calls for women who are single and those who are married or in relationships. All of the details, as well as the link you can use to register right away is included below.
I know you want the type of relationship where you feel loved, cherished, and adored every single day… The type of relationship where you know that you are becoming the best version of yourself and sharing your life with a man who is absolutely right for you… The type of relationship you were born to share in! And I know that these calls will help you create and experience that every day for the rest of your life!
So, go ahead! Click on the call that’s right for you, and join us next week! And, yes! Feel free to share the links with the women in your life who are also committed to experiencing the life and love their hearts desire!
Call for Single Ladies Who are READY to Attract & Marry the Man Who is Right for You!:
You’ll learn:
- What to do on a first date to set the tone for the rest of your relationship
- What makes you the most irresistible to men (hint: it’s not about appearances)
- What to do when a guy you’re interested in doesn’t call you
- The one most important thing to do to attract the right guy
Date: Thursday, November 15, 2012
Time: 9:00 PM Eastern
(that’s 8 PM Central, 7 PM Mountain, 6 PM Pacific)
Register: How to Attract and Marry the Man Who’s Right for You
Call for Ladies Who are READY to Learn Mind-Blowing Relationship Tools that Work Immediately!:
You’ll learn:
- The indispensable first step to achieving a passionate relationship
- What makes you totally irresistible to your man (and it’s not about the way you look!)
- 3 phrases that guarantee intimacy to get the connection you crave
- Why he’ll want to do more for you when you start doing less for him
Date: Monday, November 12th 2012
Time: 9:00 PM Eastern
(that’s 8 PM Central, 7 PM Mountain, 6 PM Pacific)
Register: Mind-blowing Relationship Tools That Work Immediately
Teaching and working with women, and empowering them to live the love they deserve and desire is my passion! I look forward to connecting with you on the call and being part of your Love Journey!
Have questions or comments? Leave them below! We love hearing from you!
Photo credit: rearechelon via photopin.com cc
