by heartsdesireintl | May 9, 2014 | Communication, Forgiveness, Gratitude, Heart's Desire International, Intimacy, Love, Relationship Advice
by Gladys Diaz
This Sunday is Mother’s Day. For many years, this holiday was very painful for me, because I did not have a good relationship with my mother. For several years, I did not speak to or want to have anything to do with her. However, this weekend, she’ll be spending this weekend surrounded by her daughters and grandchildren.
But getting to this place took a lot of love, forgiveness, and the willingness to let go.
As a young girl, I remember thinking my mom was pretty cool. All the kids in the neighborhood wanted to come over to our house. It wasn’t strange to see our lawn and front porch covered in bikes, roller skates, and jump ropes. While my father died when I was three, and mother’s second marriage was rocky and ultimately ended in divorce, I can honestly say that the first ten years or so of my life were happy ones.
After my mom’s divorce, things in my life took a turn for the worst. She fell in love with a man who, at first, seemed very fun and kind. She seems so happy. It wasn’t until a few months later that we began to realize that he was hitting my mom. The fights were getting louder, and more people were beginning to notice. We ended up being kicked out of the home we had lived in for years, and moved right across the street, to a smaller apartment.
The move didn’t change things very much, except that the fights were getting worse and I began noticing that my mother was changing. Not only because she was constantly afraid of her or me and my sisters doing something “wrong” to upset him, but she began drinking a lot more than I’d ever remembered. With the drinking, she became someone else, and that cool, fun mom I used to know seemed to be disappearing before my eyes – both physically and figuratively.
After another move, things really began to get bad, and it seemed like the police were being called to our house at least two or three times a week. They knew us on a first-name basis and tried on several occasions to convince my mother to leave him.
She tried. I remember staying in hotels, staying at friends’ houses, trying to hide from him. He always found us. She always went back to him. And things always got worse.
Pretty soon my mother was disappearing for days on end. We didn’t know where she was, if she was okay, or even alive. I remember going to our neighbors’ houses asking for food or making my sisters a dinner of corn flakes covered in sugar, because there wasn’t any food in the house. Eventually, we got an eviction notice, and we had to let our extended family know what was happening, because we were afraid of being separated and put into foster care.
Thankfully, we had family who were willing to take us in, even though, painfully, it meant that Michelle and I were separated from our little sister, who went to live with our first stepfather. My mom had moved to another state, followed by her husband, and I could not believe that she had abandoned us.
The fact that we were out of that violent environment was good, but the anger and resentment that lived inside of me grew over the years.
I was angry at my mother for not choosing to leave earlier, for putting us in such an unsafe situation, and for caring more about drinking and going out than she did us. As a 15-year-old, all I could see what was in front of me. I never stopped to consider that he had threatened to kill us if she left him, that she was now an alcoholic and needed help, or that the trauma of what she had been living over those years had been affecting her in ways I would never comprehend.
It took several years for me to be able to forgive my mother. I leaned on my faith and on the fact that I loved her and wanted her in my life, even if it was from a distance. After several years of her being sober, when I found out I was pregnant, I asked my mom if she would consider moving back to Florida so that she could help me with my son. The fact that, not only had I forgiven her, but that I was willing to trust her with my own child was overwhelming to her, and she left all she knew to come help me.
Having her in my life again on a daily basis put a strain on our relationship, because it had been much easier to get along from afar. However, through it all, even the times when I wasn’t kind or respectful, my mother was there for me, there for my son, and, later my second son, and she loved and forgave me through my temper tantrums.
We’ve had some dips in the roller coaster ride of our relationship over the years, and I’ve had to learn how to forgive, let go, trust, and open my heart in order to have my mom back in my life. Sometimes I still slip and let my ego get in the way of loving her the way I want to. Sometimes I hold back, afraid of being hurt again.
But mostly, I’m just grateful.
Grateful that God gave us another chance to be together.
Grateful that my kids get to have their grandmother –who they adore – in their lives.
And grateful that, in a world that says that when you grow up in the type of environment in which I grew up, it’s likely that you’ll repeat the same patterns and that you’ll be “broken” or “traumatized” forever, not only am I able to forgive so that have a relationship with my mom, but I also have become the type of mother I hope my children think is pretty loving, pretty special, and pretty cool!
This weekend, Michelle and I will be running in the “Super Mom 5K Challenge,” and the proceeds go toward Women in Distress, an organization that helps women who are escaping domestic violence. If you’d like make a donation and help us make a difference for these women who are being courageous enough to leave everything behind so that they can protect themselves and their children, please visit our Team Page.
Is there someone in your life who could use your forgiveness?
If so, use this weekend as an opportunity to forgive, let go, and allow more love into your life!
Comments? Questions? Let us know below! We love hearing from you!
by heartsdesireintl | Mar 3, 2014 | breakups, Coaching, Dating, Forgiveness, Heart's Desire International, Intimacy, Love, Marriage, Relationship Advice, Romance
by Gladys Diaz
There’s probably nothing more frustrating, depressing, and debilitating than the idea that you can’t change your circumstances – particularly when it comes to your love life.
When things aren’t going the way you hoped they would – whether it’s due to a break-up, a “dry spell” in your dating life, or a relationship that has slowly (or rapidly) been losing its spark – this can leave you feeling hopeless and like there’s nothing you can really do to change what is happening. This feeling of hopelessness then leads to you standing still and feeling “stuck” as you watch your life, hopes, and dreams unravel, while you silently wait for someone or something to magically appear to rescue you from your situation.
The bad news is: There is no cavalry coming to rescue you.
The great news is: You don’t need a cavalry! You have the power to turn things around!
So what are some signs that you’re stuck in your love life and what can you do to get unstuck and start living and loving again?
1. You keep hoping and wishing things will change on their own.
If it’s been a while since your last break up and you’re still holding on, waiting and hoping that he’ll change his mind and reconsider coming back to you; or you’re avoiding going out and meeting new people while you’re also complaining that you don’t want to be alone, you’re stuck! Wishing, hoping, waiting, and complaining are not going to change a single thing about your situation. The only way to create a change is to make a change! And that means letting go of a man who does not see what he’s missing and is not trying to create a loving relationship with you, and going out so that you can attract one who will!
If you’re in a relationship and you’ve been ignoring the signs that he’s been distant and withdrawn, while silently wondering where the romantic, loving guy you used to know is going to return, you’re stuck! Ignoring the signs that your relationship is changing is not going to make that romance reappear. This doesn’t mean you begin hounding him about it, issuing threats and ultimatums, or suggesting counseling. What it means is looking to see where you haven’t been being the woman he fell in love with and focus your attention there (See #2 for more about this).
2. You blame people and circumstances outside of yourself for the reason why you’re stuck.
Blaming the past, your parents, your ex, your circumstances, or anything outside of yourself for not being able to move forward is a sure way of staying stuck! Now, this doesn’t mean you blame yourself, either. However, if you can take responsibility for the role you have played up to this point in having things turn out the way they are, you also get to take the credit for turning things around.
So, what are some of the things you haven’t been willing to do to make a change in your love life? Where have you been pointing the mirror outside of yourself to avoid being responsible for taking a step toward having the life and love you say you want? And, most importantly, what will your first step toward that life and love be?
3. You believe you “deserve” to be going through what you’re going through.
One of the “traps” that can keep you stuck is the idea that you somehow “deserve” to be sad and alone, rather than happy and fulfilled. This has to do with how you see yourself. And, the truth is that no one else is going to love and put you first until you love and put yourself first.
You were not placed on this earth to suffer, be alone, or feel unloved. You are worthy, deserving, and were created to love and be loved! If there is something you need to forgive yourself for, then be gentle with yourself, forgive yourself, and move on. Grant yourself the permission to feel happy and allow the love deserve and desire to make its way into your life and heart!
4. You tell everyone who will listen about your heartache.
Perhaps the greatest trap of all comes from getting other people’s agreement about how right you are in feeling so sad and alone. The people in your life love you, but they don’t always give you the advice you need to stop feeling sorry for yourself and move on. They’ll listen to you complain (over and over again), they’ll nod as you “villanize” the person whose hurt you, and agree with you that he was a jerk, that you’ve had it rough, and that you are so right to feel the way you are feeling. While talking about your feelings is helpful, repeating the story over and over again to gain sympathy and agreement moves nothing forward. It keeps you replaying the same song about how you’ll never be happy or loved the way you want to be. Truth be told, most of the time, your friends and family are going to tell you what you want to hear. They will also advise you from their own fears and insecurities, which may not be the objective, life-changing type of counsel you need in order to make a real change in your life (See #5, below!).
5. You’d rather stay stuck than reach out for help.
Everything in life comes down to a choice. You choose to be happy, or you choose to remain sad. You choose to cast blame and shame, or you choose to forgive. You choose to give up, or you choose to stand for yourself and make the changes that are going to lead to you having everything your heart desires.
One real step you can take toward getting unstuck in your love life is to reach out for help from coach who can guide you toward releasing yourself from the fears, doubts, and limiting beliefs of the past so that you can have a breakthrough in your love life and begin to experience the love, happiness, and romance you desire and deserve.
It’s difficult to see the ways you may be standing in your own way and blocking love from coming into your life. It takes courage to change old beliefs, stop harmful patterns, and begin taking new, unfamiliar steps toward the love you’ve always wanted.
Michelle and I are committed that you get to experience every bit of love, happiness, and romance your heart desires. We’re here to guide, encourage, and show you how you can transform your life. But you have to be willing to take the first step by reaching out to us!
The only thing in this world we have the power to truly change is ourselves.
If you’re single and ready to love again, then your first step can choosing to join us for the “Ready to Love Again” 6-Week Course that begins on March 12th. If you were unable to join us live for the “Ready to Love Again” Webinar we created to tell you a little more about the course, click here to request the recording.
If you’re in a relationship or marriage, and you’re ready to begin doing what’s in your control to turn things around so that you can create a happy, fulfilling relationship with the man you love, contact us now to set up a time to talk!
If you’re tired of being sad and alone, feeling helpless and hopeless, and wondering when the fear and anxiety will change into happiness and peace, then gather your courage and reach out your hand. We’ve held the hands of hundreds of women around the world and we’d love to take yours and help guide you toward experiencing the life and love your heart desires!
Comments? Questions? Let us know below! We love hearing from you!
by heartsdesireintl | Feb 14, 2014 | breakups, Dating, Forgiveness, Heart's Desire International, heartache, Intimacy, Loss of a Spouse, Love, Marriage, Relationship Advice, Romance, Self-Love
by Gladys Diaz
We’re sure that by this time today, your Inbox, Facebook, and Twitter feeds are overflowing with “Happy Valentine’s Day” messages! Well, here’s one more!
For those of us in happy, loving relationships, today is a special day! We get to celebrate the love we share with the man we’ve chosen to share our lives and hearts with!
For those who are not in a loving relationship, however, it can be a pretty rotten day. All weekend long (and, here in the U.S., it’s a long weekend), you’re sure to be surrounded by hearts, balloons, proposal announcements, and reminders of everyone else’s love and happiness.
If you were on last night’s “Ready to Love Again” webinar (make sure you check out the replay below!), you heard Michelle and me share our personal stories of heartache. Spending any holiday alone can be painful, but this one’s especially difficult.
I remember the first Valentine’s Day after my husband died. All I wanted to do was crawl under a rock and just block out all of the reminders of love and joy that were around me. Everything I saw was a reminder of the love I’d lost and how broken my heart felt. I felt a little guilty about it, but I couldn’t help it. I was alone. I was devastated. And it sucked!
So, if you are feeling angry, sad, or resentful today, we want you to know that it’s understandable. This doesn’t make you a “bad” person. It just means you’re feeling sad and lonely. It’s okay.
Now, this doesn’t mean we want you wrap yourself up in a bitter, depressed Snuggy blanket! The feelings you’re feeling are real and valid. But we also want you to know that you don’t have to stay in that space. You don’t have to stay alone. You can choose to heal your heart and invite love back into your life!
On last night’s webinar, women from all over the world learned why heartache feels real, why it can be difficult to let go of it, and what they could do to begin to move on. There was healing, love, and transformation present on that call, and we are so excited for the women who accepted the invitation we gave at the end of the presentation and are now on their path to healing and freedom from the past! We’re excited because we know about the miracles they are about to experience. We know, because we’ve experienced them first-hand in our own lives and in the lives of the women who we’ve coached and worked with over the years.
All we can say is this: Expect miracles, ladies! Your life, as you know it, will never be the same!
For those of you who were unable to join us on the call, we want you to have an opportunity to experience the same type of healing as these ladies, so we’re giving you access to the webinar replay and a chance at receiving the special “Valentine’s Days” prize we offered last night.
Now, here’s the deal:
If you want something to change, then something has to change. And right now, that something is YOU!
Too many times we allow opportunities to slip right through our hands because we’re too proud, too scared, or too committed to staying stuck in the muck of our lives to draw a line in the sand and say, “This is it! The pain, sadness and loneliness end here and now!”
We’re giving you that opportunity to do that today – to listen to the webinar and make this Valentine’s Day the LAST ONE you spend single and alone!
If you’re not single, but you still feel alone inside of your marriage or relationship, contact us now! I’m not kidding. What in the world are you waiting for?
It’s not going to get better on its own. Things didn’t “just happen” to get bad in your relationship. It happened over time. The love, passion, and romance you once shared were slowly replaced by resentment, regret, and resignation.
But you can turn your relationship around!
And, yes, it is going to take some time, commitment, and the willingness to make changes if you want to transform your relationship back into a loving, peaceful, intimate romance!
This is your life. It’s your choice. And we’re here to offer you the support, tools, and encouragement you need to finally be happy and have the love your heart desires! And while we know we can help, we can’t want it more than you do. You’ve got to want it more!
So, if you’re single, click below to listen to the “Ready to Love Again” webinar and take the first step toward inviting love back into your life.
And if you’re not single, but you are feeling lonely inside of your relationship, contact us and take the first step toward restoring the love and intimacy in your relationship TODAY!
Together, we can make take the first step and make this Valentine’s Day the one where all of your dreams begin to come true!
Comments? Questions? Let us know below! We love hearing from you!
by heartsdesireintl | Feb 10, 2014 | breakups, Dating, Forgiveness, Heart's Desire International, heartache, Intimacy, Love, Marriage, Relationship Advice, Romance
by Gladys Diaz
Valentine’s Day is just days away, and, while this week can be fun and exciting for those who are in happy, healthy relationships or having a great time dating, it’s generally not the case for people who are feeling lonely.
Valentine’s Day can be a painful reminder of a relationship that has ended, a love that’s been lost, or of how much a relationship has changed. If you are feeling lonely this Valentine’s Day, there are a few things you can do to help transform this time from one of pain to one of hope and new beginnings.
If you’re single, and you’ve experienced a breakup or some other type of heartache, it can be difficult to work through all of the feelings of loss and pain. In fact, at times, you may feel paralyzed by fear and sadness, terrified to move forward and risk allowing anyone to get that close to you again.
Being stuck in the past only robs you of your ability to experience peace, happiness, and love. Staying stuck is a choice.
If you’re ready to leave the pain and heartache from a previous relationship in the past, join Michelle and me for the “Ready to Love Again” webinar we will be hosting on Thursday, February 13th* . On this free webinar, we will be looking at why it can be difficult to move past a heartbreaking experience and what you can do now to leave the past and the pain behind so that you can begin stepping into a new future filled with the love and happiness your heart desires and you deserve.
What if you’re feeling lonely and stuck inside of a relationship? Being in a relationship where you feel that you and your partner have begun to drift apart – or worse, that you’re at the point where you’re afraid there is no way to restore the love and intimacy in your relationship – can be frightening and extremely painful. Knowing that there is someone there with whom you used to share love, joy, and intimacy, but who now feels like he’s miles away, even when he’s in the same room, can be heart wrenching.
It’s easy to slip into anger and resentment, blaming him for everything that has gone and continues to go wrong. It can also be tempting to wonder whether it would be easier to just end the relationship once and for all. Of course, that is an option, but, if you love your husband or boyfriend, and you would like to know that you’ve done everything you could to make the relationship work, there are some steps you can take to begin shifting the dynamic in the relationship and restoring the intimacy you once had.
Remember why you fell in love with him in the first place.
Regardless of what has happened, there was a time where you knew in your heart this was the man with whom you wanted to share your life. Write a list of the things you loved and admired about him. Allow yourself to remember those qualities that made you smile, feel safe, and want to spend every moment you could with him. Then begin to look for evidence of those qualities. Chances are that if you choose to look at him through the eyes of admiration, rather than resentment, you’re likely to find that the man you fell in love with has been there all along.
Express your appreciation for him.
As you begin to gather evidence of those qualities that made you fall in love with him, let him know you notice them. If he does something kind, thoughtful, or chivalrous, thank him. If he goes out of his way to do something for you, thank him. Even if he does something differently than you would have, or if there is the slightest attempt made at pleasing you, thank him. The more gratitude and appreciation you begin to express, the more you let him know that you notice the little things, the more he’ll want to do for you and and the more of a change you’ll begin to experience in your relationship.
Forgive and release resentment.
Holding on to anger and resentment shuts out love and intimacy. It’s simply impossible to feel resentment and love at the same time. While he may have hurt or disappointed you in some way, if you are choosing to stay, you’re going to need to choose to forgive. Otherwise, all you are doing is punishing yourself right along with him. Remember that forgiveness does not mean you are condoning or agreeing with what happened. You’re simply choosing to let go of the pain, anger, and resentment that has been filling the space where love and intimacy used to live.
It can feel difficult taking these first steps, because you feel so vulnerable. However, vulnerability is the key to intimacy, and it’s going to take that and courage to make a real shift in your relationship. If you need support or encouragement to begin, reach out to us and let us know. We’d be happy to help you on the path of restoring the love and intimacy you once shared this Valentine’s Day and beyond!
And, if you’re single, remember to register now for the free “Ready to Love Again” webinar we’ll be hosting this Thursday, February 13th!
No matter where you are right now in your love life, you can take the steps now to make this Valentine’s Day the last one you spend alone and feeling lonely!
Comments? Questions? Let us know below! We love hearing from you!
Image courtesy of FreeDigitalPhotos.net
by heartsdesireintl | Feb 7, 2014 | breakups, Dating, Forgiveness, Heart's Desire International, heartache, Intimacy, Love, Marriage, Relationship Advice
by Gladys Diaz
Over the past several weeks, Michelle and I have been communicating with many of you through email, surveys, and the phone. The other day, during our business meeting, we discussed the information we’ve been receiving, and one thing was very clear:
Some of you are feeling stuck in patterns and you want to learn how to break free!
Here is some of the information we’ve collected from the “Are You Ready for Love?” Survey we sent a couple of weeks ago and the questions we received last week:
- Almost 60% of you are struggling with moving on after your last relationship
- For the majority of you, it’s been more than 1 year since the break
- More than 40% of have not gone out on a date in at least 6 months
- 71% of you feel they are not attracting men with whom they are compatible
- More than 50% of you tend to attract men who are unavailable (married, separated or “getting divorced,” in a relationship with someone else)
- 60% of you feel that you are successful in almost every area of your life, except relationships
- More than 50% of you are sleeping with a man before a commitment has been established
- Several of you feel that you’re “stuck” in an on-again-off-again relationship
And the most heart-wrenching statistic for us was learning that –
- Almost 70% of you do not believe that you will ever find the love your heart desires!
These statistics are helpful for us, because they let us know what you are dealing with, what you need, and what we can do to support you. And, just to be clear, we can help you and provide you with the support you need. We’ve worked with women all around the world who have broken free of the past and created a brand new future – the one they always dreamed of! If it happened for them, then it CAN happen for you, too!
But here’s the deal, we can’t help you if you don’t reach out. A few of you have taken the initiative to reach out to us and schedule an appointment to follow up on your survey results, to request coaching, and to get a clear picture of how to begin breaking free and creating a shift in your life.
Many of you haven’t.
But you can.
All you need to do is reach out your hand.
Listen, it’s almost Valentine’s Day and, whether you are single or in a relationship, you can make this the best one yet! Because the moment you break free from whatever it is that is making you feel like you’re stuck in dating or in your relationships, your experience of life completely transforms!
So, if you are ready to create a real breakthrough in your life, and you’re interested in having one of us help you break free from whatever is stopping you from attracting the love that you want, we want to invite you to attend the “Ready to Love Again” webinar we are hosting on Thursday, February 13th, at 9:00pm ET.
In this webinar we will discuss:
- What makes it difficult to move beyond the heartache of a breakup
- The steps you can take to move beyond your heartache and toward a new future
- How to begin attracting new love into your life NOW!
To participate, simply click here to register and we’ll send you an email with the log-in information.
If you’re tired of feeling stuck and you’re ready to break free from the past, then make sure you attend the “Ready to Love Again” webinar on Thursday the 13th!
Comments? Questions? Let us know below! We love hearing from you!
Image courtesy of FreeDigitalPhotos.net
by heartsdesireintl | Jan 12, 2014 | Dating, Forgiveness, Intimacy, Love, Relationship Advice, Romance
by Gladys Diaz
Michelle and I are still smiling after Thursday night’s Love & Intimacy Resolutions teleconference! What an extraordinary call! There were times during the call that we could actually FEEL the energy shifting — fears, doubts, and regrets being let to, and peace, hope, and loving moving in!
My favorite part of the call was when women began volunteering to share their Love & Intimacy Resolutions with everyone. It takes so much courage and vulnerability to share your heart with one person, and even more to share it in a group!
The emails we’ve been receiving, letting us know how your lives were changed by the call and what is opening up for you inside of this new path you have started have been so moving and inspiring! And thanks to those who have posted your Love & Intimacy Resolutions on our Facebook page!
If you haven’t posted yours yet, please go to our page and post your Love & Intimacy Resolution. Whether you were on the call or not, we’d love to hear what you are creating for yourself and your love life in 2014, so go ahead and post yours, too.
Here what you need to do. Just…
1. Go to our Facebook page.
2. Click on the pinned post at the top of the page.
3. Copy the statements below:
“2014 is the year of Love & Intimacy for me! As i am creating the relationship of my dreams, I am being…”
4. Paste the statement into the Comments area of the pinned post and complete it with words that describe the type of relationship you want to experience!
For example, do you want a loving, passionate, fun relationship, where there is trust and compassion? Then you might write something like:
“2014 is the year of Love & Intimacy for me! As i am creating the relationship of my dreams, I am being loving, passionate, intimate, fun, trusting, and compassionate!”
Why? Because, in order to attract that type of relationship, you first need to BE the type of person who will attract someone who is also interested in having that type of relationship!
So, go ahead! Visualize your dream relationship, create it, post your Love & Intimacy Resolution on our Facebook page and begin living it!
If you find that you’re struggling with even being able to visualize what your dream relationship would look like because some of your past is still in the way, then contact us. We’d be happy to help you put the past in the past, where it belongs, so that you can have and begin experiencing the life and love your heart desires!
We look forward to reading your Love & Intimacy Resolution!
P.S. Please remember to “Like” our Facebook page while you are there so that we can be connected!
P.S.S. If you prefer to have your Love & Intimacy Resolution posted anonymously, just email (gladys@heartsdesireintl.com) and I’ll post it for you!
Image courtesy of FreeDigitalPhotos.net
