by heartsdesireintl | Jan 31, 2014 | Communication, Dating, Heart's Desire International, Marriage, Relationship Advice, Self-Love
by Gladys Diaz
Recently, I was working with a client who was frustrated about the fact that her long-term boyfriend had not proposed. Who can blame her? When you invest a lot of time – months, years, sometimes decades – to a relationship and it doesn’t seem to be moving forward or to be working out, it’s not unusual to begin to feel angry and resentful toward the other person. And it’s tempting to begin to blame him for the choice you made to stay in the relationship.
While it’s possible that promises were made that had you continue to stay in the relationship – such as him promising that he would propose, and it never happened – the choice to stay inside of a dead-end relationship is completely yours. You get to decide just how long you are willing to wait. And you also are the one who decides how long you are willing to put your dreams, your happiness, and your life on hold, waiting for him to pop the question.
I’m not saying that it’s “easy” to walk away from a relationship, especially if you really love the person. It’s going to take courage to stand for yourself and your dreams. But if you won’t stand for your dreams, who will?
One mistake women make is to begin to dish out ultimatums, such as:
“If you want to be with me, then you need to propose and give me a ring.”
“If you want us to be together, then we have to go to counseling.”
“If you want us to get back together, then _____.”
The problem with issuing ultimatums is that they suck the love, romance, and joy right out of the proposal. Think about it this way: Do you want him to propose because he feels he has to, or because he can’t imagine living his life without you in it?
Issuing ultimatums backs the other person into a corner, and, even if you do get the proposal you want, you will never truly know for sure whether he is marrying you because he really wants to.
And, by the way, this holds true for situations other than proposals. If you’re trying to get your husband to help you around the house, take you on a vacation, or start a family, and you’re doing that by threatening to leave him, giving him the silent treatment, or withholding sex, you may get what you want, but I promise it won’t be as fulfilling as if you knew that he was doing these things because he wants nothing more than to see you happy.
So, what are the alternatives to issuing ultimatums?
- Be clear about what you want. Once you know what it is you want, it’s easy to communicate that to you partner. Let your partner know that you love him and that, for you to be truly happy, you need to be married. Let him know that while you would love to spend your life with him, you know that may not be what he wants, but that it is what you want. Then stop talking. If you don’t, it highly likely that you will slip “convincing mode,” and there will be a temptation to start getting emotional and angry, and issue an ultimatum.
- Realize that he may not want what you want. Just because you want to be married doesn’t mean that he wants that, too. If you’re with a man who loves and wants to take care of you, there’s a high probability that he’ll want to do what he can to please you and that he wants to spend his life with you. But there’s also a chance that he may want something different, and that doesn’t mean that either one of you is right or wrong. You simply want something different.
- Know when it’s time for you to let go. Before you have this conversation, know how much longer you’re willing to stay in the relationship before moving on. However, don’t share this time frame with him, because then you’ve created a deadline, which means you just issued an ultimatum. This is your timeline for yourself.
Once you’ve expressed that you would like to be married without issuing an ultimatum, if there’s still no movement toward marriage after the amount of time that feels right for you, you’re going to have to be courageous enough to let go. This means it’s time stop putting your life and your happiness on hold, time to move on, and make space for the man who is going to want to commit to spending the rest of his life with you. This does not diminish or lessen any of the love that the two of you shared. You are simply choosing to stand for your happiness and create space for what you want to come into your life.
In case you’re wondering whether or not this really works. Remember the client I mentioned at the beginning of the post?
After a few coaching sessions, she had the conversation I described above with her boyfriend. She waited the amount of time she’d decided she was willing to wait making sure not to keep bringing it up, hinting, or reminding him. What happened? Right before her time frame was up, she got the proposal she had been waiting on for years!
They were married last week and she gets to live the rest of her life knowing that he asked her to marry him because he wanted to, and not because she forced him to!
Here’s to you living the life and love your heart desires!
Questions? Comments? Let us know below. We love hearing from you!
by heartsdesireintl | Jan 27, 2014 | breakups, Dating, Heart's Desire International, heartache, Love, Marriage, Relationship Advice, Romance, Self-Love
by Gladys Diaz
Have you ever felt like you are “stuck” in a particular pattern in dating and relationships?
Perhaps you feel like you keep attracting the same type of man into your life. Perhaps you feel like, no matter who you are in relationship with, the same types of issues and arguments seem to come up. Maybe you’re in a dead-end relationship that is going nowhere. Or maybe you feel like you and your partner have pulled so far away from one another there’s just no turning back to the way things used to be when you first fell in love.
Regardless of your particular situation, you probably agree that feeling “stuck” can feel be exhausting and depressing. Being inside of that type of dynamic can feel like it’s no use to try to improve or change things – that what you are experiencing is probably as good as it’s going to get.
The problem with this type of thinking is that it is precisely what is keeping you stuck! The thought that there is nothing you can do to create a shift in yourself that would lead to create a different result is simply born out of fear. Fear of being disappointed.
Let’s say, for example, you continue attracting men who are unavailable. Perhaps the men you tend to attract are either married, in a relationship with someone else, or they’ve been “getting divorced” for some while now. If this happens often enough, you might begin to believe that you’re destined to be alone, that there are no good men out there who are capable of being faithful, and that you will never be able to attract a man with whom you can create a loving, intimate relationship.
Or maybe you are in a long-term relationship where your partner will not take the steps to move the relationship to a more committed level or will not propose. To stay in that relationship, despite the fact that you know how much you want to be married and then blame or make him responsible for not having that in your life that is not only unfair to him (because you are making him responsible for your happiness), but it is unfair to you, because you are cheating yourself out of the opportunity to meet a man who is ready to commit to you forever.
Until you identify and let go of the fears that are creating this situation situation and making you feel like you are stuck there, you will continue to either repeat the same patterns and heartaches over and over again.
While it can feel terrifying sometimes to make a change, you need to ask yourself just how much longer you are willing to suffer the same consequences before you are ready to stand up for yourself and what you want.
The truth is that no one else is going to stand for you until you choose to stand for yourself. You teach people how to treat you. So, when you accept disrespectful or dishonoring behaviors, or settle for less than what you want or deserve, and you don’t put your own happiness and well-being first, then you cannot expect someone else to make you or your happiness a priority. The love you long to experience begins with loving yourself first.
This is why Michelle and I are hosting a 60-minute Q&A session this Wednesday at 9:00pm ET. On this call we will be answering your questions about how you can begin letting go of the patterns and behaviors that are keeping you stuck in your very “uncomfortable comfort zone” so that you can begin to attract the type of love you desire and deserve NOW!
To participate in the call, fill in the registration form on our Events page and we’ll send you an email with the call-in details. If you would like your question answered on the call, simply type in your question in the box provided on the form.
We will be reading and answering your questions LIVE on the call! Please note that you must be on the line in order for us to answer your question during the call. If you’d like to remain anonymous, just let us know what you’d like to be called on the call when you submit your question.
Keep in mind that we are probably going to get a lot of questions, so make sure to send yours in right away!
This is a great opportunity for you to receive coaching from us and to finally break free of the fears, doubts, and limiting beliefs that have been holding you back and blocking you from attracting the love you want! You’ll also be able to benefit from listening to the coaching other women receive!
Again, the call will be on Wednesday, January 29th, at 9:00pm ET.
Remember to register and send us your question right away!
We look forward to speaking with you on Wednesday night!
Image courtesy of FreeDigitalPhotos.net
by heartsdesireintl | Jan 17, 2014 | Communication, Dating, Heart's Desire International, Relationship Advice, Uncategorized
by Gladys Diaz
I admire my husband for thousands of reasons, but one of them is his level of commitment. When he commits to doing something – whether it has to do with work, a project, or working out– he follows through until he’s done. Even when he doesn’t feel like it. It’s what has him get the results that he gets at work, life, and with his health.
Many times, what has relationships not work is that we tend to let ourselves be guided by our feelings and emotions. Now, I know that love has a lot to do with feelings and emotions, but if just feelings were enough to make relationships work, there would be no breakups and no divorces. Having a relationship that really works and stands the test of time requires something else: a high level of commitment – even when you don’t feel like it.
See, you may not feel like responding in a respectful manner when your husband or boyfriend snaps at you. However, if you strike back with sarcasm or a venomous response, you can guarantee that the conversation is not going anywhere, except south. On the other hand, if you choose to respond respectfully, or not at all (to avoid saying that nasty thing that is sitting on the tip of your tongue, just dying to pop out of your mouth), then there’s a good chance you’ll nip that potential argument in the bud so that you can have a conversation later that actually leads to a resolution.
You may not feel like saying “Thank you,” when he does something nice for you, especially if you’re upset with him, or if you think it’s something he should have done, anyway. If you choose not to say “Thank you,” you forfeit an opportunity to point out something to him that you’d like to see happen more often. However, if you do express your thanks, you send him the message that, even though you’re upset or it was something small or that he’d already said he’d do, you care enough about him to notice when he’s done something you like and let him know you appreciate it.
You also may not feel like saying, “I’m sorry” after an argument. Maybe you’re not sorry for thinking and feeling the way you do. That’s okay. You don’t have to apologize for having your own thoughts and feelings. However, consider that apologizing for how you said what you said to him sends the message that respect him and value the intimacy in your relationship more than you do being “right.”
Having a happy, fulfilling relationship takes work. It takes the willingness to go beyond our feelings and stand inside of a commitment to have the kind of relationship we really desire: a relationship that is built on respect, gratitude, appreciation, and love, and nothing less!
Questions? Comments? Let us know below! We love hearing from you!
by heartsdesireintl | Jan 6, 2014 | Heart's Desire International, Love, Relationship Advice
by Gladys Diaz
Every year, I try to pick a theme which I will live throughout the year. In past years, some of my theme have been “Faith,” “Hope,” “Power,” and “Abundance.” God used me in a special way on January 1st and gave me confirmation that wherever I am is where I’m meant to be. The experience also helped me discover what my theme for 2014 is.
While we were waiting to be seated at a restaurant, I saw a young man roll a woman in a wheelchair into the ladies’ room. I decided to wait so that they could have some privacy.
A few minutes later, we were still waiting, so I decided to go in. An older (different) gentleman stopped me at the door and said, “There’s a woman in a wheelchair in there. Can you please see if she’s okay? Her name is Helen*.”
I went in and the restroom seemed empty. I called out her name and asked if she was okay. A soft voice said, “Yes.” Then, after a short pause, she said, “Actually, I’m not. I fell and I don’t think I can get up.”
I asked her if I could go into the stall, and when I walked in, she was lying on the floor, with her pants pulled down, trying to reach the handrail. My heart broke and I was immediately filled with love for her. Not pity, but a surge of love! The courage she demonstrated in having wanted to do it alone, her vulnerability in allowing a stranger to come in and help her… all of it hit me with a wave of love.
I didn’t know if I could lift her, but I tried. It took me a couple of tries to get her only half-way up and I asked God to please help me help her. It was then that I heard another woman’s voice ask if we needed help. I said yes, and a large woman came in and helped me lift her onto the toilet seat. The other woman left the stall and I saw that Helen was still unsteady. I asked her if she wanted me to move her further back on the seat, and she said, yes, so I lifted her again. Then I stepped out of the stall to give her privacy, but told her to let me know when she was done so I could help her.
As I waited for her to finish, I used the restroom myself, and I was fully aware of every movement I was able to make on my own, unassisted. I thanked God with every move I made for all of the millions of things that go unnoticed and that I take for granted because I am healthy.
When she was done, she called my name and I helped her onto her wheelchair and rolled her to the sink. I became very conscious of the fact that I really didn’t know how to maneuver the chair, and asked her to forgive me if I did something wrong. She smiled at me sweetly said, “You’re doing a great job! Thank you.”
I rolled her out the door, where the older gentleman was waiting. Soon, the younger gentleman came and asked her if she was okay, and I knew that Helen would continue being surrounded by love in my absence.
I thought about how she kept thanking me and how all I wanted to do was hug her and thank her for allowing me to help her and for helping me realize how blessed I am to be healthy and able to help others. I also wanted to thank her for being so gracious in the way she received my help. She wasn’t embarrassed or uncomfortable, which made it easier for me to give my help easily and freely.
I don’t know how long she had been laying there or how much longer she would have been there if I hadn’t come in and called out her name. I just know that I’m so grateful I went in when I did and that, on the very first day of 2014 I discovered my theme for the year: “In Loving Service.” That is how I resolve to live my life this year – a life that’s been forever changed by a sweet, woman named Helen who allowed me into hers for a few moments.
So, what will your life’s theme be in 2014? Let us know below!
P.S. If you haven’t discovered your theme or set your 2014 Love Resolutions, please make sure you join us for the free Love and Intimacy Resolutions teleconference call on Thursday, January 9th at 9:00pm ET.
Join us on Thursday and begin making 2014 The Year of Love and Intimacy for YOU!
*The person’s name has been changed to maintain privacy.
Image courtesy of FreeDigitalPhotos.net
by heartsdesireintl | Jan 1, 2014 | Dating, Heart's Desire International, Intimacy, Love, Relationship Advice, Success
As 2013 comes to an end and we ring in 2014, Michelle and I want to wish you a very Happy New Year!
We know that the end of the year can fill you with a mixture of disappointment at not having accomplished everything you wanted to experience this year, along with excitement about what may be possible in the upcoming one.
No matter where you are in terms of your 2013 love and relationship goals, we want you to start 2014 open to a a whole new world of possibilities and the fresh start you need to make your dreams come true. This is why we will be hosting a FREE Love and Intimacy Resolutions teleconference call on Thursday, January 9th at 9:00pm ET.
On this call, you will:
- identify and bring closure to the fears, resentments and regrets that have kept you from achieving your love and intimacy goals
- create and declare what the relationship of your dreams will look like in 2014
- identify the steps you need to take to make those dreams come true!
We’re excited about 2014 and all of the magic and miracles that we’re going to create, and we want the same for you!
Imagine what it will feel like on December 31, 2014, when you look back on the Love and Intimacy resolutions you set in January and the happiness you will feel at knowing that not only did keep them, but that the the life and love you’re experiencing are beyond your wildest dreams!
Join us on Thursday, January 9th, and begin making 2014 The Year of Love and Intimacy for YOU!
Date: Thursday, January 9, 2014
Time: 9:00pm ET
Cost: FREE
Call-in Details will be sent shortly after you submit your information here.
by heartsdesireintl | Dec 20, 2013 | Dating, Heart's Desire International, Love, Marriage, Relationship Advice, Self-Love
by Gladys Diaz
As the end of the year fast-approaches, it’s easy to feel either really excited or upset. If this year has been one where you have realized a lot of the goals you set out to accomplish at the beginning of the year, it can be exciting to look back and see how far you’ve come and look forward to setting new goals that take you even further in the upcoming year.
If you haven’t done many (or any) of the things you committed to doing at the beginning of the year, then it can be a depressing, and you may think that there’s nothing you can do in just two short weeks. This thought process can stop you from wanting to set goals – or dream new dreams – in the upcoming year.
That’s where you’d be wrong!
Think about it. How many times in your life have you stopped yourself just short of reaching a goal or making a dream come true because you were afraid that it’s too late? That you blew it? That nothing is going change, anyway?
All of these thoughts are just your brain’s way of doing its job to protect you. What is it protecting you from? From your fear of being hurt and disappointed. And nowhere does this fear show up more than when it comes to the area of love and relationships!
The fear stems from the deep-rooted belief that, while true love may exist, it doesn’t really exist for you.
I don’t often use the word “wrong,” but I have to use it for a second time in this message, especially when it comes to this point!
The truth is that you were created to love and be loved.
You were not created, not to spend your life alone or feeling unhappy inside of a relationship.
You were created with the primary purpose of living, giving, and experiencing love!
It’s your birthright.
You are not the one person on the planet who was created without that intention.
So, why is it so difficult for you to believe that?
Probably because somewhere in your past – whether it was recently or very long ago – you had the experience of feeling unloved.
So you made a decision.
You decided that you didn’t deserve love. And you may have even decided that you did deserve the pain you were experiencing.
Inside of that decision, it becomes difficult – almost impossible – for you to ever allow another person to get that close and risk allowing someone else to have that much ability to ever hurt you ever again.
It also becomes very easy to associate love with pain, disappointment, and “suffering,” which could lead to you attracting one heartache after another into your life.
Either way, the result is the same: You block love.
You resist love. Even when the possibility of having a healthy, happy, intimate relationship presents itself, you won’t see it. You won’t allow yourself to see it.
So, what can you do to begin letting love into your heart?
- Accept that you deserve love. This isn’t about “fooling yourself” or telling yourself something to make yourself feel better. It’s about really embracing and accepting the idea that you are love-able: able to love and be loved.
- Release the past so that you can create a new future. The stronger you hold on to that pain and disappointment from the past, the thicker the wall between you and experiencing the love you deserve becomes. It can be scary to let go of the past, simply because you’d have to acknowledge that whatever happened already happened and is no longer happening. And you’d have to have the courage to accept that something new – something different – is possible for you!
- If either (or both) of the two points above feel almost impossible for you, then reach out for help. You are not in this alone and you don’t have to do it alone. Being vulnerable enough to reach out for help is not a sign of weakness.
Reaching out for help is a sign of strength – the type of strength that it takes to transform yourself and your life so that you can finally begin to experience the love and dreams you’ve been longing for.
I think that it goes without saying that we’re here to help you, if you are ready to shed the layers of pain, fear and doubt, and begin working with someone who has not only been where you are, but who has made it to the other side!
Michelle and I have overcome so much throughout our lives – neglect, poverty, infidelity, divorce, and the loss of a spouse. And, yet, in spite of those odds, we’ve figured out how to create the type of relationships that once existed only in our dreams! That’s because we don’t just talk or coach about how to attract and create a great relationship “in theory.” We live what we teach in our lives and our relationships each and every day! And we’d love for you to have that same type of experience in your own life!
So, whether you are single or already in a relationship, if you’re ready to begin working with a coach who can help you create your dream relationship, set up a time to speak with one of us. We have a few appointment times available around the holidays, and we’d love to save one for you!
Comments? Questions? Let us know below! We love hearing from you!
Image courtesy of FreeDigitalPhotos.net
