Everything seems to be going perfectly, and then, all of a sudden, it happens!
He says or does something that catches you completely off-guard, sends you in a tailspin, hits all of your triggers, and you have no idea how to respond!
You know you can’t say the first thing that comes to your mind, because that would be way too disrespectful and you don’t want to push him away.
You don’t want not say something because you don’t want to send the message that what he said/did is okay.
So, you sit there – staring back aimlessly – every second seeming like an hour – wondering what the heck to say or do!
What if you knew exactly how to respond to even the most uncomfortable questions, comments or situations?
What if you had all of the answers right at your fingertips?
What if you never had to deal with sticking your foot in your mouth again?
Well, we’ve got good news for you!
We are putting together an easy-to-read, easy-to-use book that is going to give you the words and actions you need to respond to practically any situation that may come up in a relationship!
Whether you are single and dating, in a committed relationship, or married, you will have real-life scripts and steps you can use to help you respond in a way that is empowering, dignified, and feminine to even the most awkward situations!
But to make sure that we are answering YOUR questions, we need your help!
Today is Halloween and I’m getting ready to decorate our front yard and start putting together my costume so that I can take my little one out trick-or-treating tonight. I love seeing all the little kids in their costumes, getting a chance to pretend that they are their favorite heroes and characters. I remember how exciting it used to be as a kid, myself (almost as exciting as looking forward to eating all of the candy once I got home!)
Coincidentally, this week I participated in a course on relationships, and one of the things we discussed was how people in relationships hide behind their masks. The instructor explained how in life, we are usually wearing either one of two masks:
When you are wearing your first mask, you show the world only who you want them to see. This is the mask that says:
“I’ve got it all together!”
I’m smart, capable, and just fine on my own! Thank you!”
The other mask is the one that hides what you don’t want others to see. It’s the one that says:
“I’m afraid.”
“I don’t know…”
“I don’t want to face this on my own.”
Wearing the first mask gives you a false sense of confidence. It’s the mask you use to seek approval, to look good and avoid looking bad. And, while it probably helps you accomplish many of your goals, it can also be the one that has you pretending to be pretty much perfect. And people – including men – simply can’t connect with perfection. It doesn’t allow others to get close to you and possibly contribute to you because, well, you’ve already got it all together!
Wearing the second mask can feel scary. It’s the one you try avoiding wearing at all costs. It keeps you from being vulnerable, has you praying no one sees your insecurities or imperfections. So, again, this mask can also push people away. When you’re that afraid of being seen, it’s difficult for the other person to get to know you – thereal you.
And, as Michelle and I always say:
He can’t fall in love with YOU, if YOU are not there.
So, for today, I invite you to ask yourself:
Where in my relationships am I wearing a mask?
What am I pretending?
What am I hiding?
What is it that you’re afraid others will see?
Remember, being authentic and vulnerable are essential to creating love and intimacy in a relationship.
Consider removing your masks and looking at who the real you is. Who you are is enough. You are already loveable. There’s no need to pretend, shut out, or push away the people who can and want to give you the love you deserve – including the man who wants nothing more than to let you know that he loves and accepts you just as you are!
Questions? Comments? Let us know below! We love hearing from you!
I was talking to a client the other day and she was sharing with me how she has a trouble trusting men. When you hear her story, you can understand why she feels that way. A failed marriage, due to infidelity, a failed relationship due to him not fully being over his ex when they got together, and a few other unsuccessful relationships in between. All of this helped reinforce her belief that it was difficult for her to trust men.
As we began to dig deeper into what the patterns in all of these relationships were, we began to uncover the truth about why she was finding it difficult to trust and open her heart to a new man.
Yes, the men she loved gave her reason to not trust them, but the truth was deeper than that.
There was actually a reason she was attracting these men into her life in the first place.
In fact, the real reason she was attracting men who made it difficult for her to trust had very little to do with the men.
It had to do with her.
The person she is really having trouble trusting is herself.
Trusting yourself means that you listen to heart, instead of your head.
I know, I know. You feel that listening to your heart is what’s gotten you burned in the past.
I want to invite you to open your heart and mind and consider something different.
When you don’t trust yourself to make the right choices – the choices that are aligned with your values, your truth, and what you really want – then you will likely allow something else to choose for you: Your fears.
When you allow your fears to make your choices, you always end up disappointed.
Your fear of being alone will have you choose to be with someone who isn’t really right for you.
Your fear of not finding someone else who will love you will have you hold on to a relationship that is toxic and unfulfilling.
Your fear that your partner or husband won’t love you the way he used to will have you pretend that nothing is wrong, even though all of the signs are there that the relationship is slowly (or quickly) falling apart.
On the other hand, when you trust and honor yourself and your truth:
You choose from a place of power.
You make choices that honor who you are and what you value to be true.
You’re not afraid to make these choices and you don’t feel like you have to force or impose those truths on the other person. You realize that the right man will choose to honor what’s true for you because he values who you are.
Allowing your fears to run the show leads to nothing but one disappointing heartache after another.
Learning how to start choosing from a place of power leads to you experiencing the happiness, love, and intimacy your heart truly desires.
If you’re finding it difficult to trust when it comes to relationships, I want you to ask yourself the following questions:
Do I trust myself to make the choices that are best for me when it comes to relationships?
If not, what is it that has me doubt my ability to make the right choices for myself?
How is this lack of trust impacting my relationships?
How might learning to trust myself give me different results in my relationships?
Being real with yourself and looking at what is standing in your way is the only way to transform and do something about it. It’s like any roadblock: Unless you’re clear about what is standing in your way, there is no way to avoid it and you’ll just keep slamming into it… over and over again!
If you’re ready to shift this dynamic in your life, answer the questions truthfully and then let me know what begins to open up for you. I’d love to support you in creating a real breakthrough in your love life that leads to you having the love you want and deserve!
And, by the way, as you do all of this, be gentle with yourself. Blaming, faulting, and or beating yourself up about the decisions you’ve made in the past doesn’t serve you unless you are committed to making different choices! And when you’re ready for that, get ready for your life to transform!
That’s probably of the most heartbreaking things to hear from my clients. This usually comes after a bad date, a break-up, or after not having the kind of success they want in dating and relationships.
The sad part is that they don’t say they are giving up on dating or on meeting the right guy… They say,“I’m giving up on having the love I want.”
If you’ve been in that place, you know just how painful it can be.
The disappointment and disillusion become just too much to bear and the thought of being alone for the rest of your life begins to seem less painful than believing that you can have the love you want and not seeing it happen yet.
This is why, when a client makes a comment like and still trusts us to help her do the work to get to the other side of her pain and resignation, and then reaches out to let us know she just got engaged, we just have to share it with the rest of the world!
So, today, we get to celebrate Kristin’s engagement!
Kristin worked with us as both private client and the Ready to Love Again program. She experienced the pain of heartache and the empowerment that came with removing the love barriers that were standing in her way so that she could welcome new and extraordinary love into her life!
She met a great guy who loves her as much as she loves him and who wants to spend the rest of his life showing her just that!
When I received the picture of her beautiful ring, all I could do was cry! There I was, in the middle of my son’s Boy Scouts Car Wash, laughing and crying at the same time! And I didn’t care!
I remembered just how hurt she had been and how she truly believed that she would not meet the man who would make her dreams come true! But, thankfully, Kristin was courageous enough to trust her coaches who believed in her and in her dream and weren’t ready to let her give up! She trusted us, did the work, and attracted the man of her dreams!
In her own words:
During the program, I was able to make a list of what I wanted to experience during courtship with a man. I will tell you this: I have seen every one of those things I listed with this man!”
I don’t know what comes up for you when you read and hear me say over and over again that you CAN have the love your heart desires.
I don’t know if that makes you shrug your shoulders and roll your eyes in resignation or if it inspires you to believe and step forward in faith.
Here’s what I do know. It IS absolutely true and it IS possible for YOU. It really is.
You just have to be willing to break through your fears, doubts, and resignation and begin learning and practicing the skills that are going to have you attract and create the relationship your heart truly desires.
And the best part is: You don’t have to do it alone.
As we announced last week, the Ready to Love Again Program is sold out and the doors are closed. It doesn’t matter why you didn’t choose to join us then. Whatever fears and doubts got in the way are just the ones that are used to winning out over your faith.
Today is a new day, and today you get to choose your dreams over your fears!
If you want to learn more about the Ready to Love Again Program and/or private coaching, just click the link below and set up a time to talk. During our conversation we’ll listen to what your individual goals are and let you know what we feel is the best next step for you to go in the direction of making your dream a reality!
No matter what, promise me and yourself that you won’t give up on your dream of having the loving, passionate, intimate relationship your heart desires.
There’s a reason that dream and desire is in your heart, and there is a way to make it come true!
It came true for Kristin. It came true for Michelle and me. And it CAN come true for you, too!
I know you’re hurt and unsure. I know you wonder if this is really possible for you. It is. Kristin is just one of the hundreds of women we have helped to create the loving relationships of their dreams. We didn’t let them give up on themselves or their dreams and we won’t give up on you or your dreams either!
I’ve been fighting off a bad cold this week, but I wanted to shoot a follow-up video to the one I sent you last week, because we got such great responses from it!
This week, we’re taking a look at how the thoughts that are stopping you from creating the amazing loving relationships you want are the same thoughts that are stopping you from moving forward in the other areas of your life, particularly your career!
Why is that? Watch the video and see!
The truth is that you have an amazing ability to create what it is you want in your life and, once you get to the work of transforming the doubts and limiting beliefs standing in your way, you CAN experience all of the love, happiness, and success your heart desires!
Watch the video and let me know what opens up for you!
I recently got back from a week-long vacation with my family, and I learned a lot of interesting things about myself while on this trip.
During the trip, I made a commitment to let go of control. I’ve been working pretty hard since last November, and I just wanted to relax. I didn’t want to have to be the one making decisions, doing some of the driving, or having to handle much of anything. My primary focus was to have as much fun as possible with my family!
In giving up control, one of the things I got to do a lot of was receiving.
Now, I teach women how one of the most powerful ways to embrace our femininity is to receive.
Knowing that two of a man’s primary needs are to know that he can provide for and please the woman he loves, in receiving a man’s gifts, time, help, and affection, I am clear that I give my husband the gift of fulfilling on his purpose and myself the gift of feeling cherished and taken care of! It truly is a win-win situation!
So, receiving in and of itself is not difficult for me…
…Until it comes to really expensive or extravagant gifts.
Then I seem to get a bit uncomfortable.
While on the trip, my husband and I were presented with an opportunity to make one of my dreams come true. It’s a big dream, so, consequently, it comes with a big price tag. Nevertheless, I have had this dream for a long time and I am the kind of person who, when I want something, I find a way to make it happen!
This time, however, my husband was the one making it happen for me!
I noticed how I got a little nervous and uncomfortable at the thought of this.
As happy as I was that my dream was coming true, I also felt a little guilty. I had all types of thoughts running through my head.
This is too much…
He’s only doing this for me.
Maybe we should wait a while.
When it came time to make the final decision, my husband asked me, “So, what do you think?”
I could have honored and shared with him all of the feelings, fears and concerns running through my head.
I could have given him some ideas about what to do or how to handle the negotiations.
I could have told him that it was okay. Knowing that he wanted to make this happen for me was enough. I could wait.
In other words, I could have stepped in, taken over, taken charge, and not gotten what I really wanted.
But I didn’t want to. I just wanted to bask in the warmth of seeing how excited he was to be figuring out a way to make this dream happen for me!
So, instead of stepping in and giving into my limiting thoughts and beliefs, I chose to step back and trust. I chose to receive.
I simply said, “I’m so excited! I’ve wanted this for a long time. I don’t know if we ‘should’ do it, but I want this, and I know you. You always make the best decisions for us. And if you’re thinking of doing this, then I know you’ve thought it through, and I trust you. Thank you!”
I wish I’d had my phone ready to take a picture of my husband’s face. (smile)
He looked so happy and confident.
In that moment, I realized just how much making me happy means to him. I mean, I knew it before, but I got really present and I could seeit in that moment!
And it was awesome!
Was I still a little scared? Yes.
Was I going to cheat him out of the pleasure of knowing he is making one of my dreams come true? Heck, no!
One of the blessings of being in a relationship with a man who truly loves you is being able to openly receive his love – even when it makes you a little uncomfortable.
Receiving is a gift you give yourself and the person who is giving to you.
In allowing my husband to provide me with something he knew I wanted, I gave him the gift of seeing my happiness and gratitude.
In allowing myself to receive the gift, I was able to experience seeing the joy that he experiences when he’s able to make me happy.
It’s not the type or size of the gift that makes the difference, either.
Yes, this happened to be something big, but I also have the pleasure of receiving compliments; “I love you’s”; “for-no-reason-roses” (those roses he shows up with for absolutely no reason!); as well as offers to help me do the dishes, make dinner, and watch the boys so I can go get my hair done. All of these things make me feel happy and loved
So, what about you? How open are you to receiving?
Are you dismissing or joking away compliments?
Are you refusing to allow people – especially men – to open doors, carry objects, or help you with a task that needs to get done?
Are you refusing gifts – both big and small – such as offers to pay for your coffee or meal, tickets to an event, or something you’ve been wanting for a long time?
Given that men thrive on feeling like they can provide for and please the woman they care about, when you receive, you are stepping into one of the highest states of your Feminine Essence! It creates a win-win experience for both of you, as he gets to feel great about making you happy and you get to experience feeling cherished!
If you aren’t having that kind of experience in your relationship – either because you are single or because the romance, tenderness, and intimacy in your relationship have been slowly (or quickly) deteriorating, know that you CANhave it!
This isn’t something special reserved for a few “lucky” women, and you aren’t the one woman in the world destined to not have this experience.
If you want to know what it’s like to love and be loved, to be cared for and taken care of (even though you are capable of taking care of yourself), and to have the feeling that your partner’s top priority is making you happy, then let’s set up time to talk.
During a Love Breakthrough Session you will see what has been standing in the way of you having the kind of love and relationship you dream of. Then we give you a plan for removing that love barrier and making a way for love to flow freely into your life.
You can either keep feeling sorry for yourself, blaming the man you are with for not having this kind of experience, or you can learn the steps you can take to turn your love life and your situation around.
It’s up to you!
There is nothing like the feeling that comes with knowing that the man you are with wants nothing more than to know that hehad something to do with the smile on your face! It’s time to make that smile permanent!
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