by heartsdesireintl | Jun 10, 2013 | Dating, Heart's Desire International, Love, Marriage, Relationship Advice, Romance
by Gladys Diaz
If my boyfriend of 4 1/2 years says he bought me a custom made ring two years ago but hasn’t proposed, yet still talks in terms of ” we ” about the future and says he is so grateful to finally get “free” of his son late at night when we are both available that he forgets to bring the ring because he considers it a mere formality, should I be kicking his proverbial rear to the curb? This is a beta male who has ADHD. Any thoughts?
There are a few points in this question that I’d like to address. The first is that your boyfriend announced that he bought you a ring and is then explaining why he’s forgetting to bring it when he comes to see you late at night. I’m wondering if you’re the one who brought up the ring in the first place. The reason I ask is that men rarely announce that they’ve bought a ring before they actually propose. The “surprise factor” of the proposal is part of its sweetness. So I’m wondering if you were bringing up marriage a couple of years ago and he said he got a ring to deal with the pressure.
If he did, in fact, get the ring of his own accord and shared with you that he bought it, the fact that he keeps explaining why he’s forgetting to bring it makes me think that you’re bringing up the fact that he hasn’t given you the ring yet. This, again, could occur as pressure and could actually be causing him not to want to give you the ring until it’s his idea. If this is the case you have been bringing up the ring (or lack, thereof) to him, my advice would be to let it go. Don’t mention it for a month or two and just allow him the space to choose when to give it to you. When/If he does ask you to marry him, you want to know that it’s because he wants to be with and can’t imagine living his life without you, not because he feels like he has to give it or propose to you.
The other thing that stood out was when you said that he comes over when he’s “free” from his son, late at night. Is this the only time you two see each other? Who is staying with his son when he comes over at night? Are you 100% certain he is not married? I don’t want to instill any fear, but given the limited amount of facts in the email, it’s hard for me to understand why he’s explaining why he didn’t bring the ring with him late at night, once he’s free from his son. I’d be happy to set up a time to talk with you privately, if there’s something I’m missing. And, again, I apologize if I’m making any incorrect assumptions.
The most important part of this situation is how you feel – about both him and the relationship.
You refer to him as “a beta male who has ADHD.” For me, the bigger question than whether or not you should kick him to the curb because he hasn’t proposed is whether this is a man with whom you’d like to spend the rest of your life.
In my experience, when women refer to men as “betas,” there is a level of disrespect for who the man is – as if he is somewhat “inferior” to a man who is more assertive. It’s also been my experience that women who refer to their men as “betas” see themselves as “alphas,” which usually means that they are very controlling and tend to be the ones making all of the decisions in the relationship. The more “alpha” the woman acts, the more beta the man appears, and the less likely he will be to step up, make decisions, and take the lead, as a way to avoid having their ideas criticized, contradicted, or dismissed.
The comment about him having ADHD also comes up a lot. Whether he’s been diagnosed officially by a medical practitioner or not (many of the women I work with self-diagnose their men), there are things about him and the way he acts, makes decisions, etc. that you may not agree with. While you may not agree with every decision he makes or how he goes about making them, for this relationship to work, it’s going to be important that you respect his ideas, thoughts, and decisions. In other words, it’s critical that you respect him and who he is as a man.
My clients have found that the moment they begin treating their man with respect and trusting in his capabilities to think, solve problems, and make wise decisions, the same man who once seemed passive, indecisive, or incapable begins to show up as a strong, determined, and confident (dare I say “alpha”) man!
So, my advice to you is to let go of the attachment to having the ring presented to you, and focus on whether this is a man with whom you can envision yourself with for the rest of your life. Is he the man who you can trust with your heart, who trust will be there to care for you, and who you will be proud to respect and honor until death do you part. If the answer to all of these questions is “Yes,” then step back from mentioning the ring and focus on being the woman he fell in love with and for whom he chose to design a custom-made ring. If after a month or two there is no mention of marriage, then you can let him know that you love him and that, for you to be happy, you need to be married. That for you, it’s more than just a formality – it’s what will make you happy.
If the answer to these questions is “No,” “I’m not sure,” or “Not yet,” then, again, let go of the idea of the ring and get clear about what you want. If it’s not him (exactly the way he is and exactly the way he’s not), then gently let him go and make room for the man who is perfect for you to find you!
I’m actually leading a group coaching call this Tuesday, June 11th on “How to Honor Your Desire to be Married Without Making Ultimatums.” If you’d like to learn more about how you can participate on the call, you can do so by clicking here.
Comments? Questions? Let us know! We love hearing from you!
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by heartsdesireintl | Jun 9, 2013 | breakups, Dating, Heart's Desire International, heartache, Infidelity, Love, Marriage, Relationship Advice
by Gladys Diaz
I have been dating with my boyfriend for 3years and recently I found out that he had some affairs with other girls. When I confronted him, he told me nothing but that he was feeling he needed validation from other people. Then some days later he called me up and ended the relationship saying that he is not ready yet, that I was too good for him now, and that I should give him time to better himself. I felt so bad, so much so, that this situation affected my academics, and now I have been asked to withdraw from my course because I was not able to pass a certain number of papers. I feel so depressed and confused.
I really want to get out of this situation. I have taken sometime to forgive myself and forgive him. I have cut all contacts with him. I just want to be able to focus on what makes me happy right now. Right now I am in a dilemma because I am still not able to figure out what is next. I really need your help because I always find myself hoping things will get better with him someday. I really am myself when I am with him and he is a nice person.
I think that one of the most painful things a person can go through is being betrayed by someone they love. Creating a relationship involves so much vulnerability and the willingness to open our heart to someone, all the while knowing that there are no guarantees and that we might get hurt. Knowing this, however, doesn’t make the pain any less severe when we find that the person has betrayed our trust.
I know you refer to your ex-boyfriend as “a nice person,” and it’s possible that he’s very kind. However, it sounds from your email that there was more than one case of infidelity. So, as nice or kind as he may be, if he’s incapable of being faithful to you, then he simply is not the right guy for you. The truth is that you deserve to be with someone who chooses to be with you and only you.
If your ex had chosen to take responsibility for the infidelity, apologized and promised to be faithful and commit to making the relationship work, I’d tell you that, while it makes the journey a little more difficult once the trust has been broken in the relationship, with support, it is possible to truly forgive, recommit, and make things work.
The fact that he said he needs time to work on bettering himself, that he doesn’t feel you deserve him, and he’s not ready to commit to you right now, while painful to hear, is probably the kindest and most loving thing he could have done. Rather than continue to lie or pretend that he’s in this relationship 100%, he’s choosing to let you go, stop hurting you and, hopefully, focus on himself. This is actually something for which you can be grateful.
I hear you saying that you want to do the same and focus on what makes you happy right now, and that’s exactly what I’d recommend. This is the time to really focus on what you want for yourself and your life. If being in school is something that is important to you and having that career is something you really want, then I’d recommend speaking to whoever you need to speak to regarding what you can do to get back on track. If you haven’t been pampering yourself, taking time to just relax and replenish your heart, body, and spirit, now is the time to begin scheduling those things into your day. If you have girlfriends or family members who will support you in moving forward with your dreams, then surround yourself and spend time with them.
This is the time for you to take responsibility for your own happiness and to really focus on becoming the woman you were created to be. This is what is going to help you feel more confidence, joy, fulfillment, and peace of mind and heart. And it’s also what is going to make you very attractive to the man who is right for you. He will see your joy, confidence, and peace, and will be attracted to you and to the idea of adding to that happiness.
As for your ex and holding onto hope that things will get better, I know it’s difficult, but, if what you want is to experience a relationship where you are loved, honored, and respected, then you’re probably going to need to let go and close this chapter of your life so that you can begin to create the next one.
Trust that everything is happening just as it should. Trust that you found out for a reason and that the relationship ended for a reason. And trust that you can and will have a relationship where the man chooses to love, to commit, and to be with you and only you, because that is what you deserve!
Comments? Questions? Let us know. We love hearing from you!
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by heartsdesireintl | Jun 5, 2013 | breakups, Dating, Forgiveness, Gratitude, HDI Blog, Heart's Desire International, heartache, Intimacy, Love, Marriage, Parenting, Relationship Advice, Romance
by Gladys Diaz
One of my favorite parts about the work that I do is being able to connect with and make a real difference for the people with whom I work. There really is nothing more rewarding to me than guiding a woman through her biggest fears, greatest blocks, and limiting beliefs, and having her come through more empowered and confident than ever, with the promise of her heart’s desires being fulfilled on the other side!
I don’t always get an opportunity to connect with everyone in our community on a personal level, but lately I’ve been trying to think of ways to create opportunities for more personal connections, where I can hear from and share with you on a more consistent basis.
Well, those of you who know me know that I don’t believe in coincidences, and that I do believe that everything that happens does so at the perfect time and for a specific reason. That’s why yesterday, when I read about a 30-Day Challenge yesterday, I got excited!
And the best part is YOU get to be part of it, too!
One of the groups I’m very proud to be part of is the Social Media Club of South Florida. The members are participating in a 30-Day Blogging Challenge during the month of June.
So, why is this exciting and how can you be part of it?
The 30-Day Blogging Challenge I participated in last year is what helped me to start blogging on a more consistent basis. I joined the group right before the last challenge began and it motivated me to create “Your Heart’s Desire Thought of the Day,” where, for 30 days, I blogged about a different dating and relationship topic each day. People enjoyed it, I loved reading and responding to the comments, and, when the challenge ended, I had several requests to continue with the daily messages (If you were one of those people, consider this your request being granted!).
Another reason I’m so excited is because I’ll be doing things a little differently this time. Instead of me coming up with the 30 topics I’ll be blogging about, this time, I will be answering your questions about love, dating, and relationships! That’s right! All you have to do is ask me a question via email or our Facebook page, and I will answer your question in one of the blog posts during the month of June! Your name will be kept confidential on the blog post, and you’ll have the opportunity to have some of your burning questions answered!
Here’s all you need to do:
- Type the words “Burning Question” in the subject line of your email or in your Facebook comment.
- Send your question via email to gladys@heartsdesireintl.com or post your question on our Facebook page at www.facebook.com/heartsdesireintl.
- Once the question gets answered, I’ll send you an email or Facebook message letting you know that your question’s been answered on Heart’s Desire’s blog.
That’s it!
Now, I really need your help, because today is June 5th, and the challenge began on June 1st! Believing that it’s never too late for anything wonderful to happen (in life or relationships!), I want to get started right away – as in tomorrow, June 6th! So, if you have a question (or 2… or 3) that you’d like answered, just send me an email or go to our Facebook page and ask it NOW! And, please don’t wait to see if someone else asks first. I need to answer 30 questions in 30 days and I want yours to be one of them.
Just send me any questions you have about:
- dating
- love
- sex
- relationships
- parenting
- romance
- marriage
- breakups
- avoiding divorce
- intimacy
- any other burning questions you have
So, go ahead! Make my day and partner with me to make this next 30 days ones that make a huge difference for you and the thousands of others people who are going to benefit from reading the answer to your question!
Questions? Comments? Let us know! We love hearing from you!
Image courtesy of FreeDigitalPhotos.net
by heartsdesireintl | May 30, 2013 | Dating, Heart's Desire International, Intimacy, Love, Marriage, Relationship Advice, Romance, Success
by Gladys Diaz
Last week, I had the privilege of attending the seventh Women’s Success Summit in Miami, FL. Heart’s Desire has been a Partner since the first Summit for several reasons. One is because its founder, Michelle Villalobos, is not only a trusted mentor and friend, but she’s one of our happiest clients, having met her wonderful boyfriend after attending our workshops! Aside from our love and admiration of Michelle, the networking opportunities, connections we’ve made (both personally and professionally), and the incredible content we’ve received over the years has helped us to grow our business both locally and abroad.
I’m a people person, so the opportunity to see and spend time with my friends, colleagues, and some of my clients is something I always look forward to. I have to say, however, that there’s something special about being introduced to someone by having the person say something like,“This is my dating coaching. She’s the one who’s teaching me how to love dating again,” or “This is Gladys, the one who helped me attract my amazing boyfriend into my life.” Perhaps my favorite moment was when a woman came up to me and said, “You probably don’t remember me, but I took your workshop last year, and I just wanted to thank you, because, thanks to giving up the checklist, I met a wonderful man and we’re getting married!” The next day, I had the pleasure of meeting her fiancé who is moving across the country to marry and spend his life with her! How does it get any better than that?
I had a great conversation with group of ladies about how something magical happens when women come together for a common purpose. Everyone who attends the Women’s Success Summit is there for a different reason, but we do all share something in common: We have a dream and that dream includes having a great business or career where we can do what we love and make a real difference in the world at the same time! And that’s why we choose to attend an event where we know we’re going to be inspired, informed, and connected with other women who are on a similar path. During the event, and as we create new business opportunities and refer one another to potential partners and clients, we also support, encourage, and celebrate one another’s successes!
So, what does all of this have to do with you, your dating life and romantic relationships?
It all goes back to a saying I used to hear a lot when growing up:
“Tell me who your friends are and I’ll tell you who you are.”
The people with whom you associate, to whom you listen, and who you emulate have a direct impact on you and the results you create in your relationships. Surrounding yourself with other women who are as committed as you are to creating loving and fulfilling relationships is crucial to helping you create new beliefs and habits that will lead to you having the type of relationship you want to experience.
When I began practicing the principles I now teach, I would meet with a small group of women who were all practicing the same principles in their lives and relationships. We’d meet in person and on the phone and listen to one another vent, remind each other what it was we were committed to creating and having in our lives, and celebrate our victories and breakthroughs. Now, years later, we are still there for one another, sharing in our lives and encouraging each other to have the loving, passionate relationships we have always dreamed of.
Think about the women with whom you are surrounding yourself. Are they committed to creating healthy, loving, lasting relationships or are do you all participate in male-bashing and discussing how there aren’t any good men out there? Do they encourage you to step beyond your comfort zone and practice new habits in order to experience new results, or do they criticize your attempts to have a new experience in dating and in your relationships? Do you feel uplifted and inspired after speaking with them, or do you feel like you’ve just spent time with an energy and hope vampire? Is there a woman in your life who is happily married to whom you can turn for advice and encouragement? And are you working with a coach or mentor who is not only giving you “good advice,” but whose life and relationship reflects the results of the practices he or she is teaching?
If it’s true that you are a reflection of the five people with whom you spend the most time, can you say that you are surrounding yourself with people who are up to creating and living in the types of relationships that you admire and wish to have. If not, it’s okay. You don’t have to get rid of all of your friends, but think about bringing some new people into your life who will set you on the path of actually experiencing the life and love your heart desires!
And, of course, it goes without saying, you can always reach out to me!
Questions? Comments? Let us know! We love hearing from you!
Image courtesy of FreeDigitalPhotos.net.
by heartsdesireintl | May 23, 2013 | breakups, Dating, Forgiveness, Gratitude, heartache, Intimacy, Love, Marriage, Relationship Advice
by Gladys Diaz
“I am a little pencil in the hand of a writing God who is sending a love letter to the world.”
~ Mother Teresa of Calcutta
Every once in a while, you create something that not only inspires you, but you hope will inspire others. When I was invited to write an Inspiration for the Inspire Me Today website, I was asked to think about what I would say if I had to leave a message to the world in 500 words or less! I thought to myself, “I can do this! I have so much to share!” Well, I must have written at least 5 different drafts and several revisions of each one! Okay… Maybe this wasn’t as easy a writing task as I’d thought.
After all, this was going to go down in history (or at least in an online archive, somewhere) as my message to the world.
Just how was I supposed to select one message that captured my biggest lesson, my deepest beliefs, and the difference I want to make for people in 500 words or less? What could I say?
Well, after writing and revising several drafts, I finally hit “Submit” and sent in my Inspiration. The article was accepted and published on May 2nd, and I received wonderful feedback about it. Then, yesterday, I received a wonderful surprise! They liked my article so much, they chose to share it on the Care2.com, which has over 22,000,000 subscribers! Over 22,000,000 lives may be touched my message!
Are there other messages I’d like to leave behind – about the power of love, the freedom of forgiveness, the transformational practice of gratitude, the gift of hope, the joy that it is to live a life where we have the power to create our own miracles, and so many more messages I have bubbling inside of me just waiting to be shared with the world? Absolutely!
But, for now, this is my message – my Inspiration – and I share it with all of my love, from my heart to yours.
Click here to read “Are You Choosing Fear Over Love?”
I’d really like to express my heartfelt thanks to Gail Lynne Goodwin and her team – especially Kristan Sartor – for, not only allowing me to share my Inspiration with the world, but for also helping me to promote the From Heartache to Your Heart’s Desires telesummit so that more people can join the thousands already participating and allowing the messages of love, healing, forgiveness, hope, and transformation to help them go from heartache to experiencing the life and loved their hearts desire!
If you’d like to experience the messages of 27 of the leading experts in dating, relationships, healing, and transformation, you can sign up here.
Questions? Comments? Let us know! We love hearing from you!
Image courtesy of FreeDigitalPhotos.net
by heartsdesireintl | May 20, 2013 | breakups, Dating, Forgiveness, HDI Blog, heartache, Intimacy, Love, Marriage, Relationship Advice, Romance
by Gladys Diaz
When I began working on the From Heartache to Your Heart’s Desires Telesummit, I didn’t know exactly what it would look like, who the experts would be, or who, if anyone would register to participate. I only knew that, if I was going to put that much time and effort into something, I wanted it to make a real difference! So I made myself and all of the future participants a promise that I would do everything in my power to make sure that the telesummit was something of value – something that would cause hearts to open and lives to change. I made a promise that, at the end of this telesummit, people would feel empowered to break through the pain and fear of the past and the heartache they had experienced and feel ready to step out boldly and courageously into a new future filled with the possibility of loving and being loved again.
Well, based on the testimonials I’ve been getting from participants, I can confidently say that the promise is being fulfilled! But don’t take my word for it. See for yourself the difference that this telesummit is making in people’s lives!
“I am ready to find love again. I actually believe!”
Gladys,
I just wanted to let you know that your telesummit is the BEST love telesummit I have yet to participate in!
What is so incredible about yours is that the entire hour or less, even 50 or 55 minutes is filled with 50 minutes of deep valuable context, tips, tools, questions, techniques that the listener can use RIGHT AWAY in our lives. I mean, we can get off the phone and live from that context or use those tips or questions or that process immediately.
AND to boot! There really is SOMETHING for every single person on the call whether you are single or married in every single interview. I don’t have to miss an interview about partnerships or incredible sex as you always bring what there is for single people listening or someone not quite ready to date and getting over heartache! Hello…this one is me, not quite ready to let the last dream go!
What is incredible is that from participating in your telesummit – and this never happened to me in other telesummit – I am ready to find love again. I actually believe! I really believe he is out there and the love I will bring will be better than ever, healthier than ever, all because of the soul nurturing, spirit expanding and honoring context I have gained from listening to your telesummit. I never believed it was possible after 50, and now I do! And I can learn to do the deep work within and not make it about anyone or him out there or about something lacking in me. But I can learn with self love and forgiveness and compassion and bring that out into the world. I feel expansive and larger in some way. Like my spirit has opened again and so has my heart.
In short (ha ha ha), I am just so grateful and appreciative of you, this telesummit you have put together and your hostess abilities. Thank-you, from the bottom of my unclosed heart that is ready to love again and believe in love again. I really didn’t expect that to come out of this summit. I really thought I would grieve for another few years about my husband who got away because I blew it and should know better at the age of 50! Thank-you is not enough to say but thank-you for healing my broken heart and opening me up to the possibility of love again, even better, even healthier!
I feel like I am having a spiritual awakening in the area of self love, self care and how I am thinking about and who I am being in relationship. From a telesummit! I never would have thought that was possible. On some level, it’s like the context that each speaker brings is resonating and touching my soul. I am willing to do the deep work. ~ L
So, there you have it! The power of a promise fulfilled! And this is just one of the many testimonials I receive daily via emails and our Facebook page! It’s simply inspiring!
The promise is there for you, too!
If you are ready to break through the pain, fear, and resignation that have been holding you back, keeping you stuck, and not allowing you to let love flow to, through, and from you so that you can begin to experience the love of your dreams, then I invite you to join the telesummit. It’s not too late! (It never is!) There are several interviews posted and there will be a few All-Access Replay Days this week, where you can listen to ALL of the interviews that have been featured throughout the interview.
Just do it! Take a leap of faith and up, make sure you confirm your email address (or you won’t receive follow-up emails), and begin listening to the interviews that most call out to you.
You deserve happiness. You deserve freedom from the past. And you deserve to experience the life and love your heart desires!
See you on the other side!
P.S. If you missed the interviews featured during Weeks 1 or 2, there is no need to worry! If you’d really prefer to not have to wait to listen to recordings until they air or replay, after signing up you can upgrade your subscription to VIP Membership, where you’ll receive MP3 recordings of all of the interviews and links to all of the free gifts! But, first, you need to register, so go to: http://www.heartachetoheartsdesires.com NOW!
To read more testimonials, just visit Heart’s Desire International’s Facebook page and look at the pinned post at the top of the page!
Comments? Questions? Let us know! We love hearing from you!
Image courtesy of FreeDigitalPhotos.net
