The other day, I received a beautiful gift from one of my clients, Katie. She is a talented artist and jewelry designer with a wonderful sense of humor, and, in her beautifully creative way, she drew an illustration to go along with her testimonial about how she went from being a 40-something, cat-loving, divorcee who had lost hope in finally finding her true love to a now blissfully happy bride-to-be!
I was so moved by the gift that I knew I had to share it! So, here it is — Katie’s testimonial on why she didn’t end up marrying her cat!
“Why Gladys is the Reason I Didn’t Marry My Cat”
Your married friends, your parents, your grandparents are all telling you to stop being so picky and settle down and get married.
God knows your parents didn’t face the dating challenges you are: the swiping, the ghosting, the cute guy/girl who turns out to not look at all like his/her picture, the “u r hot. what r u doing?” messages…
They tell you to “stop being so picky,” but what does that mean? Does it mean “settling”?
No, not at all! It means expanding your horizons and letting go of limiting beliefs.
Here’s an example of what that meant for me.
So, there I was in 2015, a 40-year old woman, and the ink was just drying on my divorce paperwork. “Doomed to a life of cat lady spinsterhood” was the expression I saw on other people’s faces when I told them my age and marital status.
But I wasn’t giving up.
After all, now that I was divorced, I finally knew what wanted and DIDN’T want, right?
I hired Gladys to help me, because she had what I wanted: a happy, stable, long term marriage. I knew I could learn from her.
Gladys told me to make a list of primary qualities I wanted in my future husband: My list included:
3) financially stable
4) leads a healthy lifestyle
5) no children living with him
Tall order, you say, for a 40-year old divorcé?
The thing is, these were non-negotiable for me.
1) I had to be attracted to him.
2) Since I am Muslim I wanted to meet someone who would fast Ramadan with me, go on the hajj pilgrimage with me and do our prayers together. It was a matter of sharing the same values and being on the same page and I couldn’t get that with a non-Muslim.
3) My ex-husband was dependent on me financially and this caused a lot of problems in the marriage. I knew I didn’t want to go through that again.
4) What this meant to me is that I couldn’t live with a couch potato or someone who smoke or drank. I’m active and healthy and I wanted someone who shared these values.
5) I did not want to live with someone else’s kids or to be put in a step-mother role Not that there is anything wrong with that. It just wasn’t for me.
These things, weren’t “checklist items” for me. They reflected the values and character traits that I wanted to attract in the man of my dreams – a man who was spiritual, trustworthy, responsible, and ambitious. I wanted to share my life with a man I could trust and who inspired me.
Oh! I also had a list of secondary qualities, one of which, in my head, was a primary quality:
6) He has to have been born or at least raised in the US.
You see, my ex-husband was not born and raised in the US and I believed that one of the primary reasons for our divorce was a clash of cultures. (In reality, that wasn’t it, it was that he didn’t fit with some of my primary values.) I was dead set on never considering anyone who hadn’t been in the US for at least their teenage years. And no Saudis. Definitely no Saudis. I have a girlfriend who was married to a Saudi and the horror stories she told… Wow! Can’t have any guy telling me I have to cover my hair or that I can’t drive a car, right?
By the time 2016 rolled around, I had met and chatted with quite a few men over various Muslim and non-Muslim apps and sites. No one was a good fit; I was wracking up quite a collection of my own horror stories.
And then on Twitter, of all places, a cute guy DM’d me after I posted a photo from a café in Portland I had been to that day. He said he had also been there that day, but we had not seen each other. We chatted a little and then he asked me out for coffee. I looked at his profile and it said he lived in Al Qatif and Portland. I didn’t know where Al Qatif was, but I took a guess it was in Saudi Arabia and, sure enough, it was.
Oh no, not a Saudi! Too bad, cuz he was cute!
And it seemed we had a lot of shared interests, judging by his Twitter timeline. That’s the thing with Twitter, you can actually get a pretty good idea of what the person is actually into. He was into hiking, and nature, Bernie Sanders, cats, and women’s rights, just like me!
Hmm, not exactly my stereotype of a Saudi… I wonder….
I cautiously agreed to go out to coffee and told Gladys I was concerned that he wasn’t born in the US and what would we truly have in common. I wanted to be able to sing the 80’s pop songs I grew up with in the car with my future husband. I thought this was a non-negotiable quality. In reality, it was an ego-based quality, not a values-based quality.
The funny thing is, one day we were in the car and he was singing something over and over.. “It’s a croo, croo, croo summer, leading me hero…” Eventually, I figured out that this was his interpretation of Bananarama’s “Cruel Summer,” a song he heard constantly growing up because there was an American radio station in Saudi Arabia.
“It’s a cruel, cruel summer Leaving me here on my own”
We had a good laugh about that.
He does know all the 80’s songs I grew up with! Hmmmm… I wonder…
Fast forward a year and a half, and we are planning our wedding! He is everything on my primary list and more. Oh, and he really loves my cat too!
If I had nixed him because he didn’t grow up in the US or because of my prejudices about Saudis, (I’d only ever met one Saudi before him, by the way!), I would have nixed the love of my life.
When I hear women saying, “Well, he has to be a Pakistani, like me” or “He must be my exact religious sect”, or “He has to make a certain amount of money per year”, or “He has to be at least 6 feet tall,” I wonder what kind of amazing guys they might be missing out on. What if the man of your dreams makes $5000/year less than your requirement, or he is 5’11”?
Are you willing to miss out on the love of your life based on some numbers?
These are ego-based desires, not values-based desires. Just like my desire to meet and marry a man who was raised in the US.
Gladys helped me figure out what my desires were that were values-based so that I didn’t get caught up in ego-based desires and decline that date with my future husband.
The month before I met my fiancé, I asked Gladys what the one quality her clients who met the man of their dreams all shared. She said it was the belief that they would meet him.
That really stuck with me and I committed to believing I would meet my future man, and I did!
Good luck to all the single ladies out there. I know how hard it can be.
If you truly believe you will find your match and you’e willing to let go of limiting beliefs about what that person has to be, you will.
And, if you need help, like I did, talk to Gladys!
If you’re tired of letting your fears and doubts stop you from experiencing the love that you truly desire, we invite you to schedule time to speak with Michelle or me so that we can help you break through your fears and break through to love!
This past Monday we celebrated one of my FAVORITE love stories of all time!
Seven years ago, I stood, with tears of joy streaming down my face, as my twin sister, Michelle, and Arnie promise to love one another for a lifetime.
As I watched her walking down the aisle with her two sons, I just couldn’t stop the tears, remembering the painful
road full of heartache and disappointment that Michelle had walked down before finally attracting Arnie into her life.
Michelle had felt the pain of being in a marriage that had been falling apart for many years, followed by a string of non-relationships to men who were unavailable, non-commital, and who did not treat her with the love and tenderness she so longed for and deserved.
She came very close to giving up on love.
Thankfully, with the guidance of a coach, Michelle was able to see that there were Love Barriers — fears, doubts, and limiting beliefs that were stopping her from attracting the loving relationship she truly desired, and she was willing to do her HeartWork to remove and replace them. And, once she did, she began attracting amazing men, including the one who was looking into her eyes, promising to spend the rest of his life loving, adoring, and helping to make her dreams come true!
In doing her HeartWork, Michelle discovered what had been missing in her life that had led her to stay in an unhappy marriage for so long; attract, date, and hold onto dead-end relationships with men who were unwilling or unable to love her the way she longed to be loved; and what had her wondering whether there was something wrong with her and if she would ever experience happiness of being in a truly loving relationship.
She explains her journey this way in our ebook, 30 Days and 30 Ways to Fall In Love with YOU!:
I decided to take a deeper look into my relationship patterns so that I could begin to uncover what was at the source of the results I was producing.
I discovered that in the 5 years I had been dating, there was something fundamental missing in all of my dating and relationship experiences…ME! I had been trying to be the “perfect woman” to hide who I really was, because I was terrified that if a man discovered who I really was, he could never fall in love with me. I had convinced myself that the real me was unlovable.
I began to write down all the things about myself that I felt were unlovable…it was a long list! Then one by one, I began to forgive myself. I realized there was nothing I could do to change the past. All I could do now was learn the lessons and forget the details.
I gave myself permission to let it all go for good. As I let each one go, something beautiful began to happen – I began to fall in love with me! I discovered that the only love that was missing was my own. I was now free to love and to be loved!
See, what Michelle discovered is that what stops you from creating a happy and loving relationship you want is not online dating; it’s not what happened in your past; and it’s not your current partner, your ex, or the guy who didn’t love you back.
The #1 difference between the woman who is not experiencing love and happiness in her relationships and the one who IS comes down to one thing:
The relationship you have with yourself.
Think about it…
If you do not love, accept, honor, and prioritize yourself, it is impossible for you to attract someone into your life who will love, accept, honor, and make you a priority in his life!
In fact, it’s unfair to expect a man to love you and give to you the soul-level kind of love that you are not giving yourself.
And what happens when you don’t have a deep level of self-love is that you continue repeating the same dysfunctional patterns and having the same painful experiences over and over again.
We know it’s not easy to break free from long-lasting limiting beliefs and patterns on your own.
So we created a fun, transformative, and interactive program where we will take you on a 21-day journey to falling in love with YOU!
The best thing about The Self-Love Secret Mission is that, not only is it FREE – our Valentine’s Day Gift to you – but you also get to spend Valentine’s Day and several weeks afterwards with us! You’ll be having fun AND you’re going to experience what it’s like to feel truly loved by the person with whom you’ll have the longest lasting loving relationship of your life: YOU!
As we ring in this new year, Michelle and I want to wish you all the love, happiness, health and wealth your heart desires! We are so grateful to have you in our community and look forward to a year of love, magic, and miracles!
This is why we are excited about you joining us for the New Love in the New Year 7-Day Challenge!
In just a few short days, you will take the steps to release the old, call NEW LOVE into your life, and begin living in the relationship of your dreams in 2018!
Imagine for just a few minutes what it will be when it’s December 31,2018, just minutes before midnight and your standing next to the man of your dreams. As you look into his eyes, anticipating the BEST New Year’s kiss of your life, you look back over this year and know that you are living in the loving, passionate, intimate relationship you have been praying for and dreaming of because you took one simple step and joined us for this challenge!
Michelle and I are are committed to making 2018 an extraordinary year, and that includes helping you to get the love your heart desires! Join us now and completely transform your love life in the new year!
Michelle and I are usually pretty level-headed and open-minded, but there are some things that set us OFF, especially when it comes to the LIES that are being told to women who are looking to attract and keep a great man.
We started talking about this yesterday, particularly to how it relates to some of the best-known reality TV shows, and, as we started talking about the lies and misinformation being “taught” to women by supposed “experts” and “gurus,” we got a little heated.
See, we know what works when it comes to helping successful, professional women find the kind of lasting love they want with a wonderful man. And it doesn’t have ANYTHING to do with ANY of the garbage that is being taught out there, especially when it comes to one show in particular.
Well, rather than go on another rant, I think I’ll just share the one Michelle and I recorded in a Facebook Live session.
Watch our rant below!
Warning:It’s a bit controversial. Not everyone may like it. And, frankly, we don’t care, because the work we do is way too important to let stuff like this go unaddressed!
P.S. Feel free to comment, whether you agree with us or not. We’re open to having a conversation with you about this. And make sure you SHARE it. We’ve got to get the word out!
Have you ever really wanted to break a habit or pattern you see happening over and over again in your life, but, no matter how hard you try to stop doing it on your own, no matter how many books you read, videos you watch or teleclasses you attend, you still find yourself doing the same things you promised yourself you would not do?
The same thing was true for one of my clients when it came to dating and relationships. I’ll call her Sophia, to protect her privacy.
Sophia didn’t necessarily have trouble attracting men. She would get asked out on dates and, sometimes, on multiple dates by the same guy.
The problem was that it seemed like the men she was attracting weren’t really interested in having committed relationships. They wanted to go out, have fun, and be sexually intimate, but they were not looking to have a committed relationship with her.
While it felt good to be asked out by men, this pattern of attracting men who did not want to have a long-lasting relationship with her made Sophia feel confused, frustrated, and used – especially if the man had said up front that he was looking for someone to be in a relationship, and even more so if she had been sexually intimate with him.
What Sophia discovered while we worked together was that the reason she was continuously finding herself in the same situation was not necessarily because every single man she was dating was not interested in a having a committed relationship.
It was becauseshe had a hidden belief that, if she slept with a man who was showing interest in her, that having that physical connection would somehow ensure that he would want to have more of an emotional connection with her.
What would happen, however, is that she would feel overly attached to the man, begin acting as if they were in a relationship, and subconsciously begin demanding more time, attention, and affection from the man.
What was even more surprising to her was that she also had a hidden belief that the man would eventually disappoint and leave her.
So, subconsciously, she was attracting men who would confirm for her the hidden belief that she would not find a man who would love and accept her without her having to sleep with him, and that, even when she did, he would still leave her.
Now, it’s important to understand that Sophia did not want to continue repeating the same patterns.
In fact, if you asked her, she would tell you the exact opposite of that.
However, because these beliefs were in her subconscious, they were hidden from her – in her blind spot – and she was continuing to attract the same kind of man, take the same actions, and experience the same heartache time and time again.
As we worked together, Sophia began to uncover more of the Love Barriers that were blocking her from attracting and receiving the kind of love she really wanted. As we did the HeartWork to remove those barriers, she began experiencing more success in dating – having more fun, attracting really great men who were interested in possibly having a relationship with her, and finally meeting a wonderful man with whom she is living out the love and life of her dreams.
If you’re like Sophia, and you are tired of trying to stop repeating the same patterns, or, worse, you’ve pretty much given up on finding the kind of love you want, then I want to encourage you and let you know that you, too, can have the kind of loving relationship you want with a man who is going to truly and deeply love you for the rest of his life!
But here’s the deal: You have to be willing to take the steps to uncover the hidden barriers that are in your blind spot, blocking you from attracting and having the relationship of your dreams. Otherwise, the self-sabotage will continue.
Trust me, if you knew what they were and how to stop allowing them to keep you repeating the same painful patterns, you would have already done it.
Sometimes it takes working with someone who can lovingly guide you to see what you haven’t been able to see on your own. Then, once the barriers have been uncovered, we can get to the work of breaking and replacing them with new thought and behavior patterns that will allow you to easily and effortlessly attract the love you desire into your life!
If you’re ready to stop “trying” and you want to really get past this once and for all, I’ve opened up a few spots on my calendar next week, and I’d be happy to help you have your love breakthrough!
I don’t know if you’re anything like me, but, when I feel there is a problem, I like to do anything I can to resolve it as quickly as possible.
This problem-solving skill serves me well when it comes to helping my clients get through difficult situations in their love lives and relationships. It’s also served me well as a businesswoman.
It doesn’t, however, always serve me well when it comes to my relationship with my husband.
See, what many women don’t realize is that while women’s brains are wired to almost instantaneously think, feel, and say what we are thinking and feeling, men’s brains are not. In fact, the female brain has 7 areas that connect feelings, emotions and words, while the male brain has 2 areas that are wired in this manner.
Now, that doesn’t mean that woman are any better or smarter than men. Our brains are wired differently for a reason.
Think about it… Men, at their origin, were hunters. If they did not kill the prey, the entire tribe would go hungry and die. They had to have laser-like focus. Feelings and emotions could not cloud their judgment. They had to think about one thing and one thing alone: getting food for the tribe.
The reason it’s important to know and understand this is because, if you’re like many women, when there is an issue concerning your relationship, you want to “talk” about it, and you want him to want to talk about them NOW!
Your man, on the other hand, may not want or be able to talk about it right at this moment, and, again, if you’re like many women, you may find yourself making this mean something about him and how he feels about the relationship.
For example, you may think to yourself:
If he really cared about me or us, he’d want to resolve this as soon as possible.
He obviously cares more about his work (or whatever he is doing) than me.
This relationship is clearly not a priority for him. Otherwise he would drop what he was doing and deal with this NOW.
I know it does to me!
In the past, when there was a problem in our relationship, I would want to discuss it, right here, right now, and then be shocked when my husband would say, “I don’t want to talk about this right now.”
Then things would go something like this:
Me: (In my head) What? Doesn’t he see how important this is? Clearly he doesn’t see how important this is!
Me: (Out of my mouth) But we need to discuss this. It’s important.
Him: I get that it’s important, but I don’t want to talk about it right now.
Me: (In my head) I can’t believe he doesn’t care about us!
Then I would proceed to keep emphasizing how important this was and how we needed to talk and how it couldn’t wait, and (you get the picture)… until, finally, he would blow up at me and storm out of the room, and then I’d really feel as if he didn’t care!
And that would lead to hours (and, sometimes, days) of stone-cold silence, anger, and unnecessary pain – for both of us.
The truth is that he did care. He does care. (And so does your guy!)
What happens, is that men need a little more time to process the information, especially when a slew of emotionally-charged information is being thrown at them.
What’s happening when your guy is not ready to talk about something is that he is processing the information he’s been given, or he is focused on something else that is important (not necessarily “more important” than you, which is what you may be making it mean), and he needs some time to process and get his thoughts together so that he can focus on the issue at hand before he can talk about it.
So, what do you do when there is something you want to discuss and your guy isn’t ready to talk right now?
1. Respect his preference.
I know it’s hard. This one can still be hard for me. Even this past weekend, my husband had to repeat to me that he didn’t want to talk about something before I could hear him. In the past, I would get upset because I felt ignored and uncared for. Now, I get that when he’s saying he doesn’t want to talk and I keep pressuring him to talk, he’s also feeling ignored and unheard, and this means that any conversation that takes place right then and there is probably not going to lead to a resolution.
2. Remind yourself that “not now” does not mean “never.”
One of the reasons I would panic and keep insisting on getting my husband to talk was because I feared that we would “never” discuss it, and that worried me. That fear and anxiety triggered my need to try to control the conversation (and him), which just led to him resisting the conversation (and me) even more. Now I remind myself that “not now” actually means “later,” not never, which helps me to calm down, step back, and allow both of us space to calm down and gather our thoughts so that, when we do talk, it leads to a win-win for us.
I will also say something like, “I understand that you don’t want to talk right now, and I respect that. Please know that I’m here when you’re ready to talk.” Sometimes we’ll even set a time to talk (after the kids go to bed, for example) so that we know that the conversation will, indeed happen.
3. Focus on something else.
I’ve found that focusing on something else – like going for a run, reading a book, playing a “mind-numbing” game on my phone, listening to something inspirational, or drawing – help me busy my mind so that I’m not hyper-focused on when the conversation will happen or what it will be like. By taking care of myself and my needs, I can control the only side of things that is ever mine to control: me. This allows me to relax, feel empowered, and not come from an emotionally-charged place when we finally do have the conversation.
4. Talk to someoneelse.
Talking to someone else – a girlfriend, sister, or your relationship coach – is also a great way to sort and work through your thoughts and feelings before speaking with your guy. Now, I will add a caveat here. It’s important that you be very selective when you choose who you are going to talk to about your relationship. Make sure that it is someone who is standing for your relationship to work, not someone who is going to bash your guy, take your side, or give you relationship or communication advice that is not for your highest good. If your friend is not in a happy, loving relationship, she may not be the best person to turn to. You want to share with someone who is going to love and support you and have you show up in your best light. This is where having a good relationship coach can make all the difference.
Otherwise, you’ll just be getting “advice,” and advice is usually shared from the other person’s own fears and doubts, as well as her patterns. Coaching, on the other hand provides you with the exact steps you can take to speak with love, be fully in your power, and seeking a win-win solution.That way, when you finally do have the conversation, you are not just talking about something that happened or needs to be resolved, but you are talking for something (resolution, peace, and the highest good for both of you in the relationship).
I know it’s not always easy to hit the “pause” button and not resolve something that is on your heart and mind.Uncertainty can trigger fear and sometimes fear gets the best of us and begin trying to push to try to get something to happen, rather than stepping back and allowing things to come together peacefully and naturally.
However, I promise you that if you follow these 4 steps, not only will that eventual conversation be a lot more peaceful, but you will also feel so much more empowered and connected to your guy when you know that you are coming together at the right time as partners seeking the best outcome, versus “enemies” seeking to prove their own point or get their own “win.” Because, by default, when only one person “wins” in a conversation or argument, the other person must “lose.” And, where there is true partnership, a win-win is always the best outcome.
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