Monday was my first day back after a week off for vacation, and I’m excited!
It wasn’t always this way for me. I used to dread having to go back to work after being on vacation. I would think of reasons/excuses to give my boss for not having to go in that first day. I’d dread looking at my inbox and having to deal with everything that didn’t get done while I was away.
That was then…
Now, however, I absolutely love what I do and I love the women I work with, and, since it doesn’t seem like “work,” I have to be really aware of how I manage my time when I’m on vacation so that I can really take time off to relax, replenish, and renew my mind, body, and spirit before heading back to the office.
One of the concerns I get from professional women is that they fear their partner won’t understand and feel comfortable with their drive and determination when it comes to their careers. They worry that their partners will somehow feel “threatened” or intimidated by their success.
That’s why one of the ways I create harmony between my work and personal life is by making agreements – both with myself and my husband.
See, my husband knows how much my clients mean to me. He knows that, if they are in the middle of a crisis in their relationships, it wouldn’t sit right with me to just ignore them because I’m on vacation. He also knows that I’m in the middle of planning two huge projects, and, if something came up around them, I’d need to at least be aware of it in order to delegate the issue to someone else.
What my husband also knows beyond a shadow of a doubt is that he and the boysmean more to me than anything else, and that I consider the time I spend with them precious.
So, before going on vacation, we agreed on what our days would look like and what I would do to manage anything that might come up regarding work. This way, rather than being on the phone checking email all day long, I had had certain times designated when I would check in, look to see what I needed to respond to, and the rest of the time was 100% family fun time!
By creating and honoring an agreement about what I would do/not do while on vacation, I took 100% responsibility for my happiness and for the work that would/would not get done that week. I also sent the message to my husband and kids that they are my priority and that, after those few minutes when I did work during the day, they had my undivided attention.
Because of this agreement, I didn’t have to feel “guilty” about answering or not answering an email. I kept to my schedule and did everything I could to be present with and enjoy the time I spent with my in-loves (my term for “in-laws).
The even better part was that, because my intention was to be fully present with my family and I was willing to work a little harder and longer the 2 weeks prior to vacation, I actually had very little I had to attend to work-wise during the week! (It’s just like it says in one of the books I finished reading while on vacation, The Alchemist: “…when you want something, all the universe conspires in helping you to achieve it”!)
In this case, the universe, my family, my team, and I conspired to make sure that I had a fun a restful vacation! But it didn’t “just happen.” Like everything else in life that it is important, it took setting a clear intention and planning!
A relationship is a partnership.
Creating agreements with your partner is one of the essential keys to making that partnership work. When making agreements, keep these things in mind:
Only promise what you fully intend to fulfill. It’s important that you determine what you are willing to do and that you fully intend to honor the agreement.
Keep the agreement. Even more important than making an agreement is keeping the agreement. In honoring the agreement, you send the message to your partner that he can trust you to honor your word (in this case, as well as in the rest of the relationship).
The truth is that the majority of the problems in relationships can be traced back to one or both of the partners not having kept a promise or agreement that was made.
Does this mean you’ll never break a promise or that you’ll keep every single agreement you ever make?
No.
The goal, of course, is to strive for that. But, if you fail to keep an agreement, follow these steps.
Acknowledge that the agreement wasn’t kept. Don’t ignore the broken agreement or pretend as if nothing happened. Honor yourself and your partner by acknowledging how the agreement was broken.
Apologize for whatever you did on your end to break the agreement.
Make a new agreement (keeping in mind that you fully intend to honor it this time).
Do everything in your power to honor the agreement.
Your relationship is the most important partnership you’ll ever have.
While this doesn’t mean you won’t have other partnerships or projects that are important to you, it does mean that striving to make that partnership work needs to be a daily priority. Making and keeping agreements is one way to make sure your partnership works!
Questions? Comments? Let us know below! We love hearing from you!
You may have noticed that I’ve been a little “quieter” than usual over the past couple of weeks. There is a very GOOD reason for that!
See, Michelle and I are working on some really great and yummy things for you, all while I was also planning a week-long vacation with my family and family-in-love (my hubby’s brother, sister-in-love, and my mother-in-love)!
As a wife, mother, and entrepreneur, it’s important to me that I build my business around my family.
Do I want to succeed? YES!
Do I want to make a difference in the world? YES!
Do I want to be the best wife and mother I can be? YES!
Now, some people might say that it’s “humanly impossible” to do and succeed in all of these areas at the same time.
I call BS on that!
It IS possible to have BOTH a thriving and successful business/career and a loving, passionate relationship, if that’s your true intention.
Now, is it always “easy” to have it all? NO.
To take this week off and spend as much time playing, laughing, and relaxing with my family, it took some pre-planning, putting things in motion, and being willing to work a little longer than I usually do.
It took reaching out to my coaches and mastermind sisters to get the support and encouragement I needed to believe that I COULD complete my projects AND have time to play with my family.
It took letting my family know that I would be putting in longer hours and be more focused on my work for one week so that I could have fun with them for another.
It took asking for help and support from my team – both Team Diaz and Team Heart’s Desire – and letting go of the things I could not control.
And you know what? It worked!
Everything that needed to get done prior to leaving on vacation got completed, Michelle and I had a WONDERFUL time speaking at the Jazz in the Gardens Women’s Impact Conference and Luncheon, where many women registered to attend The Irresistible Woman Seminar, and our virtual assistant handled all of the behind-the-scenes work for our upcoming virtual event!
When your intention is to have everything your heart desires and you’re willing to do the work to have it be so, you really CAN have it ALL!
Whether you are single and trying to figure out how to continue having a thriving career while also finding time to attract and date the man with whom you will spend your life, or you’re a woman who is married or in a relationship and you want to continue growing your business or career while also growing closer to the man you love, there are steps you can take to ensure that you are experiencing all of the love, success, and happiness you desire.
Set a clear intention. Saying, “I want to be successful,” or “I want to be in a relationship” is not clear enough. You need to clearly define what “successful” and “a relationship” looks and feels like for you.
Career intention: Does “successful” mean having a certain title or income level? Does it mean having an organization of a certain size? How many hours do you want to work? What type of lifestyle (home, vacation time and places, location) do you want to have?
Relationship Intention: What does a successful relationship look like to you? When you close your eyes and envision yourself in the relationship of your dreams, how do you feel? What is the experience of loving and being loved that you want to have every day, for the rest of your life?
Create a plan of action. A dream without a plan is nothing more than a wish. Once you have your clear intention begin planning from the end and work your way back.
Career Plan: If you want to achieve a certain title at work in a year, what where would you need to be 2 months prior? To reach that level, at which level would you need to be 2 months prior to that, and so on. What are the steps you would need to take at each level to reach the next level? Who would you need to help support you? Have your action plan steps be as clear as the intention you set and as closely aligned to your intention as possible.
Relationship Plan for Singles: If you want to be married in a year, and you’re not out there dating, consider that, a year from now you will probably find yourself in the same exact place you find yourself in now. So, if you want to be married in a year, where would you need to be in your relationship 2 months prior to getting engaged? How well would you need to know each other before you’d be willing to commit your life to someone? How long would you like to date him? How often would you like to see and spend time with him? Make your plan clear, allowing for joy of being pleasantly surprised, but get into action, or don’t be surprised if there’s no guy, no relationship, and no proposal a year from now!
Relationship Plan for Girlfriends and Wives: If you’re in a relationship and you’d like to experience more support for your career goals and dreams, as well as more romance and passion in your relationship, what are the things standing in the way of experiencing that now? Are you holding onto resentment, or are you ready to forgive? Are you communicating openly and authentically with your husband or boyfriend? Are you complaining about him not being supportive or inviting him to be part of your dreams? Whatever it is you want to experience in your relationship, be honest with yourself and be willing to take the action steps that will lead you in the direction of your dream!
Get committed. One of the most critical aspects of having it ALL is your level of committed. Saying you want something and being willing to do the work it takes to have it are two completely different things! Remind yourself that this is YOUR life, YOUR dream, and WHY this is important to you.
Career Commitment: Keep in mind that there are probably at least 10 other people in your company or line of work who want to achieve a high level of success. The only thing that separates the people who achieve their goals from the ones who don’t is their level of commitment, which includes persistence and resolve. Anticipate that not everything will go according to your plan, but use each setback as an opportunity to learn and catapult you in the right direction. The only reason you will have for not reaching your goal is if you quit!
Relationship Commitment: Having a loving, passionate, intimate relationship doesn’t have to be hard work, but it does take work. Joining two separate individuals – with all of their past, history, and habits – to create one solid and successful partnership takes patience, understanding, and commitment. Everything won’t always run smoothly. You won’t always see eye-to-eye. There may be times when you wonder whether leaving is a more viable option than staying and doing the work to make your relationship work. However, the only thing that distinguishes relationships that last from those that don’t is the willingness to commit to finding a way to make things work. Assuming the man you are with is good and right for you, don’t be afraid of investing your time and heart in building a solid foundation for a love that will stand the test of time!
Having the time to relax and play with my family without worrying about having to work, check email, and wonder if my projects would get completed in time was a big enough “WHY” for me to set a clear intention about what I wanted to accomplish the past two weeks, to create a plan and put in the extra hours I needed to in order to ensure the work got done, and to commit to following the plan, even when I was tired, even when I thought I was crazy for thinking I could really make this work!
The results?
Having a blast with my husband and kids, romantic moments with my husband, getting to hold my baby nephew for the first time and smother him with love and kisses, and having fun time with my family-in-love!
Yeah… I’d say it was all well-worth being able to have it ALL!
P.S. If you’re a successful, professional woman who wants to create a life where you can experience success in your career AND a loving, passionate relationship, make sure you join us for The Irresistible Woman Seminar while Early Bird prices and the 2-payment option is still available!
One of the most common complaints we get from women is that they feel like they don’t know how to communicate with men. This is true for single women, as well as those who are married and in relationships. There is simply a feeling that they are not being heard.
The main problem is usually that the opposite is true.
If you’re like most women, the truth is that you’re probably talking way too much!
Stay with me, here!
As a woman, you use about three times as many words as most men in a single day. You have the unique ability to be able to have a thought, connect a feeling to it, and connect that thought and feelings with words. And then you have the uncanny ability to speak those words – sometimes over, and over, and over again.
Usually, the over-talking comes from fear.
Fear that you won’t get what we want.
Fear that you’ll upset the other person.
Fear that you have to somehow justify why you want you want.
When those fears get in the way during conversations, over-talking is used as a way to try to convince the other person to agree with you, to pacify the other person, or to make a case for why what you want is important or necessary.
The problem is that, when you begin to talk too much, a man simply can’t hear what you are saying.
The desire, feeling, or need gets buried under a mountain of words, reasons, excuses, and justifications.
In order for him to get the point of what you are saying, your man needs to dig himself out from under all of that, which can feel overwhelming. Hence, the “glazed-over stare”!
If he feels like he is being pressured or manipulated into agreeing with something, he will resist, which will have him automatically get on the defensive. Now, you’ve become “the enemy.”
If he feels as if he’s being disrespected in any way, he’ll withdraw or completely shut down. Welcome to the cold shoulder or silent treatment.
In any of these cases, no matter how much you talk, he won’t hear you.
In fact, the more you talk, the less likely he is to hear you, because he’ll either be overwhelmed and unable to hear you, on-guard and only interested in defending himself, or shut down and disconnected from you.
Either way, you’re not getting what you want in that conversation: Connection
So, how can you speak in way where you can say what you want to say and have him hear you?
Get Clear. If you know that you tend to get wordy or long-winded you speak, make sure you’re clear about what you want to say. Talk it out with a friend before you bring it to him. If you have no one to talk to at the moment, speak it into your phone and record yourself, then listen to the recording. This way, you can hear what it’s like to be on the receiving end of what you are planning to say. (This can be such an eye-opener!)
Keep it Simple. Once you’re clear about what you want to say, see if you can get it down to a 3-5 word sentence. If you can’t, consider you’re trying to say too much. Also, avoid adding reasons and justifications to what you are sharing. Keeping the message simple not only helps you feel clear about what you’re saying, but allows him to hear you more clearly.
Take a Breath. Once you’ve clearly and succinctly said what you want to say, take a breath and stop talking. If you know that’s hard for you to do, take a breath and drink some water or put some food in your mouth! I know it sounds funny, but you’re going to have to train yourself to trust that once you’ve said what you want to say clearly, he’s heard you.
Listen. If he chooses to respond, listen to what he says without interrupting, contradicting, or defending your position. Give him an opportunity to respond and say what he thinks. Remember, he may not agree. That doesn’t mean he didn’t hear you. It just means he has a different opinion or feeling about it. Just listen to what he’s saying.
Allow there to be spaces of silence. There may be times when he doesn’t immediately respond to what you’ve said. Respect the silence and don’t make it mean that something is “wrong.” Men don’t have the same ability we have to almost immediately connect thoughts to feelings and words. Their brains work differently and, many times, they need more time to process what’s been said. And, as I tell my clients: He can’t hear his thoughts if he’s only hearing yours!
Communication in any relationship is critical, but this doesn’t only refer to the “talking” part of the equation.
So, the next time you’re going to speak with a man, remember to get clear about what you want to say, say it simply and clearly, then take a breath and listen. I promise it will feel like a whole new experience that will lead to a lot more closeness and connection!
Questions? Comments? Let us know below! We love hearing from you!
Wow! We received some great questions and ideas for video blogs about dating and relationships! If you have a question you’d like us to answer, just write it in the comments below and let us know what it is!
As you know, in “How to Start Dating Again, Part 1,” I gave 2 steps to take before you begin dating again. The first one – honoring your desire to be in a loving relationship – is true for both singles and single moms alike!
In this video, Michelle shares two additional tips! The first one is a “must” for all single women who are on a date, and the second tip is specific to single moms who are wondering how and when to introduce someone to their children!
Remember, if you’re not single, but you know a single mom who wants to get ready to date and love again, make sure you share the LOVE with her by sending he the link to the video
Just click the image below to view and share these tips!
You truly do deserve to have the love and happiness your heart desires, and we want to do everything we can to help you make your dreams come true!
Watch the video and, if you have a question you’d like us to answer, justpost it in the comments below, and we’ll be happy to answer it for you!!
Today I’d like to focus on the second “P”: Protecting the woman he loves.
It may seem a little old-fashioned to think that a man feels that he needs to “protect” the woman he loves. After all, we women have become very independent and self-sufficient, and we can take care of ourselves – physically, emotionally, and financially.
However, when you think back to the beginning of time, men were the providers and protectors. If they didn’t protect the tribe, people died. It was just that simple.
That need to feel like he’s capable of protecting you from harm is inherent in a man. When he has the experience that he’s not able to prevent something bad from happening to you, he may very well react with what appears to be anger. And, in the moment, it may seem like that anger is directed at you.
I remember one day I was sharing with my husband about a business deal. I had shared an idea and made a verbal agreement with someone about a program that we were going to partner together to create and launch. Eventually, it turned out that the person went ahead with the idea without me and offered me a role in the project, but not a full partnership. I, of course, was disappointed and hurt, and shared these feelings with my husband. I shared that I still wanted to be part of the project, because I believed in it, but I was very hurt that I had been informed about the change in plans after the fact.
All of a sudden, I felt like I was being “attacked.” Instead of comforting and encouraging me, he began yelling and telling me that I would be a fool to continue working with this person who obviously took an idea we had brainstormed together and ran with it on her own, without discussing anything with me. He kept getting louder and angrier, and I was completely confused and felt as if he was rubbing salt in my wounds.
Rather than say something I would regret, I went upstairs and laid in my chaise lounge chair, crying. On top of being hurt, I was angry! Why was he taking this out on me?
Then I asked myself a question that has helped me to move from anger to understanding in the past.
What would have him say something like that to me?
See, my husband loves me, and I know that he wants to protect me from harm, not cause me harm. As soon as I asked myself that question (What would have him say something like that to me?”), I was able to see it as clear as day: He was trying to protect me!
See, in my husband’s eyes, someone had let me down, hurt me, cost me what could have been a great financial opportunity, and left me out of a partnership I had been so excited about being a part of.
However, worse than all of that, there was nothing he could do to prevent or “fix” it for me.
He felt helpless because he didn’t and couldn’t protect me!
After I moved from anger to compassion, I then moved into a space of gratitude!
I was so grateful that my husband was so loving and protective – even if he didn’t express it the way I would express it.
I walked downstairs, stood behind the couch he was sitting on, leaned down, and whispered in his ear, “I get it. You’re upset because you want to protect me from being hurt or taken advantage of. Thank you for your love.”
He turned around and looked me in the eye. I don’t know if it was shock and awe at the fact that I’d figured it out, or just plain and simple relief that I got what he’d been trying to express, but I’ll never forget the look in his eyes. He just said, “I am upset. I love you and don’t like seeing you sad or hurt.”
I walked around the couch, sat next to him, and nuzzled my nose into the crook of his neck and cried a little bit more.
Nothing had been resolved, but I felt loved, protected and at peace, no matter what ended up happening with the business project! I had my hero next to me, and, right then and there, that was all that really mattered!
Think about it:
Has there been a time when you felt like your husband or boyfriend wasn’t being supportive of your dream or idea?
Consider that he wants more than anything to see you realize your dream and be happy, and is afraid you’ll be disappointed if your idea fails. And, because there’s nothing he can do to stop that from happening, he tries to discourage you from getting your hopes too high.
Has there been a time when he’s gotten angry at you for being friends with or associating with someone who has hurt or disappointed you in the past?
Consider that he hates seeing you sad and upset, so he gets angry, and directs that anger at you, because he’s afraid you’ll get hurt and disappointed again. And, because there isn’t much he can do to prevent that from happening, he tries pointing out how foolish it is to trust someone who was capable of hurting or lying to you in the first place.
Regardless of what your specific situation is, if you can try to listen for the love behind the words of anger, it’s very possible that you will also hear his his desire to keep you safe.
While you may not understand his approach, if you can listen for and hear his love and concern and his desire to protect you, you, too, will be able to move from upset, to compassion, to gratitude that you have a man at your side who wants nothing more than to be your hero!
Questions? Comments? Let us know below! We love hearing from you!
This weekend Michelle and I participated in and spoke at the Desire to Rise event. It was an absolutely inspiring event focused on realizing our visions in 2015! We had the privilege of inspiring the audience to create and realize their visions for love by creating a Love Resolution for 2015!
Michelle and I are used to speaking to audiences made up predominantly of women, but, every once in a while, men will participate in our presentations, and we absolutely love it!
It’s always so heartwarming to see just how committed men are to creating loving relationships, too! In fact, the men in the room this time participated fully in our session, including holding hot pink paper links symbolizing the past fears, doubts, and limiting beliefs that had been blocking love from entering their hearts right along with all of the women and they came up to us after the session to thank us and tell us how much they got out of it! It was awesome!
Another reason we love having men in the audience is because there is nothing quite as affirming as having the men nodding their heads in agreement when we talk about the three things that are most important to them in a relationship. We call these “The 3 P’s”: To Provide for, Protect, and Please the women they love.
These are a man’s greatest desires when it comes to being in a relationship.
Because each of them is so important, we’ll focus on just one of them today and I’ll write more about the other two in subsequent posts.
A man wants to know that he is capableof providing for and taking care of the woman he loves.
Now, this doesn’t always mean that he’s the primary bread winner. It means that he’s able to contribute to her well-being in some way. For some men, that will mean providing for his beloved financially – whether that means being the one who works in the home, making more money than she does, or contributing to the finances in some way. For others it could mean that he holds down the fort and provides support for her in pursuing her dreams. For others it means that he cares for her needs in other ways. And some of us are blessed enough to have a man who does all of the above!
The point is that a man needs to know and feel like he’s needed. If he doesn’t, he either withdraws to avoid feeling incompetent or rejected, or he begins to depend on the woman, which can then lead to resentment on both sides of the relationship.
If you’re in a relationship where you’re not feeling like you’re being cared and provided for, I invite you to look to see where you may be preventing that from happening.
Are you the one doing everything in the relationship – from earning the money, to taking care of the household, to basically doing anything and everything that requires decision making and action taking?
Are you feeling exhausted and overwhelmed because you feel like you are doing it ALL with very little help?
Are you beginning to feel resentful about this, and, rather than admitting you need help, you’re continuing to plow along, getting everything done and resenting your man for not offering to help?
If you answered “Yes” to any of these questions, it’s time to take a step back and provide room for him to step up.
Now, allowing a man to provide and care for you does not mean that you are incapable of doing and caring for yourself. Of course you can! The thing is that, if doing everything is causing you to resent him and is creating distance in your relationship, you want to ask yourself what’s more important – doing everything yourself to prove that you can, or allowing for the possibility of not having to do everything yourself all of the time and feeling loved and cared for in the process?
Instead of running yourself ragged, denying him the pleasure of providing for you, and causing a rift in your relationship, follow these steps:
Take a breath, step back, and simply admit that you could use some help. The words, “I need help” are like a flare in the sky for a man! They signal that there is something he can do for the women he loves! Men want to help. They want to know that there’s a purpose for them being there. I know you may be skeptical. I know I was. My biggest complaint was that my husband never helped me and I felt like “the single married mom.” However, when I started saying, “I need help,” I saw just how important it was to my husband to know that he was capable of providing for me! So, even if you’re skeptical right now, I challenge you: Just try it!
When he asks what you need help with, share what it is without complaining or over-exaggerating the need. Once you say, “I need help,” most men will ask you what you need help with. When he does simply share what it is you need help with. At this point, avoid complaining (either verbally or in your mind) about his lack of help, your exhaustion, and the unfairness of it all when you express your need for help. That is just going to cause resistance on his part and will probably lead to yet another argument, so you want to avoid complaining and nagging at all costs.
Instead, you can say something like, “I need help moving these boxes,” “I need help organizing these receipts for the taxes,” “I need help putting away the dishes.” Keep it short and simple, and then stop talking.
Avoid attaching any expectations to what the help “should” look like. Once he offers to help, step back and allow him to do it in his way and time frame. Don’t check up on, remind, or hint at what he should/could be doing. Just move right along to something else. Many times, we sabotage ourselves from being provided for by jumping in to “help” or make things easier for our men. That has to do with our own feelings of self-worth and thinking that we’re somehow“ burdening” them. Just step back and allow yourself to receive the help. It may feel weird at first, but I promise, you’ll grow used to it!
Let him know you noticed and appreciate his help. Once he’s done whatever he’s done to help, let him know you noticed and appreciate his help! Many times women will withhold the appreciation because they don’t want to feel as if the man did them any favors. Well… first of all, he did do you a favor by helping, and, secondly, it’s important to keep in mind that his desire to feel like he can provide for you is closely followed by his need to feel appreciated. The more you let him know that you need and appreciate him and his help, the more likely he is to begin offering to provide for you! It’s a real win-win situation!
I know it may seem strange and out of character for you to admit that you could use some help, especially if you’re used to taking care of things on your own. I remember wondering if I was “dumbing down” or pretending that I wasn’t capable of doing something. I was afraid I would seem weak.
What I found out, however, is that allowing my husband to help and provide for me made me feel loved and cherished. Seeing how much he wanted to help me really did make me appreciate him even more. That inspired more gratitude and tenderness from me, which only ignited his desire to continue doing things for me that caused that reaction. As I said above, it truly is a real win-win combination.
So, go ahead and try it, and let me know what begins to open up for you in the comments below!
We’ll focus on a man’s desire to protect the woman he loves in the next post! See you then!
Comments? Questions? Let us know below! We love hearing from you!
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