by heartsdesireintl | Sep 19, 2019 | Dating, Heart's Desire International, Love, Marriage, Relationship, Relationship Advice
by Gladys Diaz
Did you know there are specific behaviors that turn a man off – specific things you may be doing (maybe even unknowingly!) that cause men to shut down or turn away from you?
If so, listen up! Because this is important for EVERY WOMAN, whether you’re dating, in a relationship, or married. Don’t get trapped in the thought that now that you’ve “got him.” A high-quality man wants a high-quality woman, so always remember how important it is to BE the woman he fell in love with in the first place.
There are three behaviors that are like mosquito repellent to a man – they just shut him right down. So, lean in, listen up, and even if you’ve heard these things before, open up to what you might be able to hear or understand differently that might just change your love life.
- Being Insecure or Needy
No one likes a needy person, right? But how do you know if you’re being needy?
“Needy” and “insecure” look like being DEPENDENT on the other person for your happiness, for your safety, your security, your confidence. It looks like NEEDING validation from your partner.
For example, are you waiting for him to call you before you can start your day? Are you waiting for him to compliment you in order to feel good about yourself? Are you constantly in a state of worry about how he feels about you?
When you show up this way, you start to feel like a burden or an obligation to a man. It’s repelling. Men (just like you!) want to feel inspired to do something, not required to do it.
So, what can you do instead?
First, you must be secure enough in yourself to know that your worth comes from within you. Without that, you will almost always show up as needy and insecure. If you recognize that you are someone that shows up this way in relationships, do the HeartWork and ask yourself, “Where is that coming from?” and “Why is it that I show up that way?” As you do, you’ll be able to uncover your limiting beliefs and begin to shift them.
Secondly, step back and provide opportunities for him to step in. Men like to feel needed and that they have a purpose. So, it’s not just about allowing him to help you or be there for you. It’s also about giving the space for him to choose to do so.
- Being Dramatic
If you were at our event last weekend, you heard it straight out of our husbands’ mouths: Men hate it when women are dramatic!
Let’s fill you in on what being dramatic can look like, because, while being insecure and needy is pretty obvious, this one can disguise itself in many ways.
Maybe you’re not dramatic per say, but perhaps you look for things to go wrong. Or, when things are going well, you get bored and begin looking for things that are going wrong as a way to (dysfunctionally) create excitement in the relationship. Maybe you are always worrying that something is going to go wrong, or you overthink everything your partner says and does.
All of these behaviors create drama and impact the peace and flow of the relationship.
By engaging in this behavior, you don’t allow yourself to experience joy. So, what can you do instead?
Look for the things to be grateful for. Look for the things that are going right. Whatever you look for, you will find, so why not look for what’s going well? And, if you start to feel the pull for worry or drama, recognize it, feel where it’s coming from in your body, and make a conscious choice to shift into a higher vibration.
- Being Controlling
The third behavior that turns a man off is being controlling. Have you felt your partner pull away? Has he stopped sharing things with you? Have you stopped talking about the important things in your lives?
If this feels like what is happening for you, take a look at how you may be showing up as controlling because, like being dramatic, it can show up in ways you may not even realize!
Being controlling looks like saying, “How come you…?”, “Why do you…?”, “Why can’t you…?”, or “You should…” It might even sound like, “What I would have done is…” or “I really wish you would have…” When you’re constantly second-guessing your partner, you are actually questioning his ability to think for himself. And you can imagine how unpleasant that feels, especially when it’s happening all the time!
A more subtle way of being controlling is complaining. When you complain, you do two things:
1) you show up as dramatic (and we already went over that one!), and
2) you emasculate your partner by making him feel like he’s not capable of pleasing you.
So, what can you do instead?
Bite Your Tongue. Does this mean you lose your voice in the relationship? Absolutely not! It means that you choose the words you say wisely. When you feel like questioning his decision, instead say, “I see you’ve given this a lot of thought.” If he asks what you think he should do about something, instead of jumping in and telling him what to do, say “Well, what were you thinking?”
Men want to know that you support them and trust them. Show them that through your actions and words, and your relationship will be golden!
You get to choose to take information and either have it make a difference in your relationships or not. Remember: Information doesn’t make the difference. It’s in the application or practice of the information that the transformation takes place.
So, if you have a specific pattern or behavior that you’re beginning to recognize is sabotaging your dating or your relationship, let us know so we can help you dismantle and replace it!
We want you and every woman to have a happy, loving healthy relationship so that you are having the experience of loving and being loved every day of your life.
So, if anything is standing in the way of that, hit reply to this email and tell us which of the 3 repelling behaviors is most impacting your relationships, and we’ll give you some next steps you can take to create a shift in your love life RIGHT NOW.
Book a Love Breakthrough Session here!
by heartsdesireintl | Sep 13, 2019 | Coaching, Dating, Heart's Desire International, heartache, Love, Relationship, Relationship Advice, Uncategorized
by Gladys Diaz
How you relate to yourself is how you relate to the world.
Do you feel like you are “too much” of something? Or maybe you feel the opposite and feel that you’re “not enough.”
Do you feel like you’re too successful or too independent. Maybe you think you’re too skinny or too emotional or too old.
Or, like I said, maybe your limiting beliefs show up as “not enough” statements. Maybe you think you’re not confident enough or not athletic enough or not worthy enough to attract the relationship and the love that you want.
When I was single, I had a belief that maybe I was going to be successful at everything in life EXCEPT love. I was so confused as to why I was having so much success in other areas of my life, receiving promotion after promotion at work, and still it seemed there wasn’t a man on the planet that wanted to commit to me.
I made it mean that there was something wrong with me. I truly believed that I wasn’t enough. How did that show up for me? I over-compensated for it. I showed up as over-competent, uber-confident, and always looked like I was super put together.
The truth was that then I would go home and cry at night because, even though I was overcompensating for my belief, it was still there, and no amount of covering it up could replace the heartache, discouragement and frustration.
Until… I started doing something about it. I dug in to discover where this belief came from. And what did I uncover?
A memory from the 5th grade where a group of popular girls were talking in a circle and I overheard them talking about me. I remembered hearing them saying that I was too skinny and flat-chested. I also heard them say that they couldn’t believe I didn’t realize I was smelly. Even after I walked up to the circle, they still kept talking about me! As a 10-year old it really hurt my feelings! After that experience, I made up the belief that I wasn’t enough, that I was never going to be a part of the in-crowd, and that people didn’t like me.
And then, 25 years later, there I was still carrying that belief around like it owned me. I was overcompensating for that belief and not getting the results that I wanted, all because I believed so deeply that something was wrong with me and that a man was never going to love me.
Are you doing the same thing?
Are you walking around with a limiting belief that is running you?
How do you compensate for your beliefs?
What would you give to change them so that you can start experiencing the love that you desire?
If how you relate to yourself is how others relate to you, then, in order to change the way others relate to you, you must first begin with yourself.
How to Change a Limiting Belief:
- Distinguish What Your Limiting Belief Is.
What are your limiting beliefs? What do you tell yourself about yourself when you feel fearful or uncertain? Get clear on what is the fundamental belief that the rest of them stem from.
- Dismantle the Limiting Belief.
Where did this belief come from? When did you make it up?
Get responsible to the fact that YOU created the belief, and, if you created it, then you can change it. Uncover how the belief is playing out. How is it showing up? How are you compensating? How is it affecting your life, your work, your relationships?
- Replace the Limiting Belief With a Truth that is Authentic to You.
Start training your brain with a new truth. However, if your limiting belief is “I’m not enough” then don’t just make your New Truth the opposite of “I’m enough.” Really get clear on the characteristics that make you enough and claim them.
When I finally started to turn my beliefs around, I began saying that I was beautiful, extraordinary, and amazing. Then I took on BEing those things! I began BEing those characteristics and began to believe that, as I was BEing those things, I had the power to call in someone who was just as beautiful and extraordinary and amazing as me.
I did.
And, so can you.
If you’d like to learn even more about how to really change your mindset, the one that is telling you that dating is hard and that love’s not going to happen for you, join us for our 2-day event, “Extraordinary Love NOW!”, which is happening THIS weekend – September 13th and 14th – in Miami, FL. We will be teaching 2 FULL DAYS of deep, HeartWork that WILL transform the way you feel about dating AND the RESULTS that you are experiencing. And we’re doing it ABSOLUTELY FREE!
Learn More Here
Dating doesn’t have to be hard. But your limiting beliefs may be making it hard for you. Let us help you learn the skills to make it fun and easy.
Not local? Schedule time to speak with our team and get ready to have the love you want!
Book a Love Breakthrough Session here!
by heartsdesireintl | Sep 6, 2019 | Dating, Heart's Desire International, Love, Ready to Love Again, Relationship, Relationship Advice, Uncategorized
by Gladys Diaz
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Have you ever experienced this? You go on a date and, from your perspective, you have a GREAT time! The conversation flowed easily, you had fun together, there weren’t any awkward silences, and he even mentioned that he’d love to see you again soon!
And then…
You never hear from him again.
What is that about, right?!
So many women get frustrated with this aspect of dating because it can be so confusing.
When this type of thing happens to you over and over and over again, it’s easy to make up stories about men in general, or about yourself.
You think:
All men are flakes and dating is a waste of time.
All men want is to sleep with me on the first date, and if I don’t, then I’ll never hear from him again.
I’m too much for guys. They just don’t get me.
There must be something wrong with me because I never get asked out on a second date.
Sound familiar?
Here are some DATING SKILLS that will help you to not just get asked out on a date with one man, but to be asked out on multiple dates with multiple men.
First, there are two things that are extremely important to remember when dating that will save you a lot of unnecessary heartache.
1. Remember that you’re not the only person he’s going out with. He’s most likely talking to other women besides you, going on multiple dates a week, and trying to keep everything straight, just like you are. This is NORMAL. It’s how dating works. He’s getting to know different women (you being one of them) to see who he wants to continue getting to know better and possibly have a relationship with.
So how do you handle this?
2. You date more than one man at a time, too! When you’ve got multiple dates on your calendar and you’re having conversations with more than one man at a time, it saves you from being so hyper-aware of what each of them are doing and helps you not get attached to someone too soon.
Want to stop picking up your phone anxiously every time it buzzes and feeling the constant disappointment that it’s not him? Date this way. This is the game-changer. We promise you he’s dating this way, so enjoy the dating experience more by doing this, too!
The next best way to make yourself irresistible to a man and ensure that you get asked on that 2nd date is to be CONFIDENT.
When you exude confidence, you don’t pursue, you aren’t overly complimentary, and you don’t put pressure on a man to choose you. When you’re confident, you don’t give into the fears that he’s not thinking about you or rationalize doing things (like texting him first, sending a funny meme or a great article) to get on his radar.
When you’re confident, you wait to hear from him, giving yourself the gift of being pursued. You are PRESENT in the conversation when you’re on the date, being in the moment and not in your head about what you should say and do. You show up as interested AND interesting because you know how to balance talking about yourself while also showing interest in him.
When you’re confident, you smile, compliment him, and let him know that you’re having a good time. You don’t complain about him or about your life, you show positivity, lightness and fun. This is what makes you irresistible to a man.
So, if you aren’t currently feeling confident about yourself in dating how do you get there?
BELIEVE IT AND BE IT.
BE confident. Be present on the date and remind yourself that you’re simply getting to know someone. Take the pressure off of yourself and him. Relax and have fun getting to know another human being.
And smile. 🙂 Smiling transforms nervous energy to excited energy! So, if at any moment you aren’t sure what to say or you feel things are getting awkward, just smile and take a sip of your water, and wait for him to make the next move.
Dating is meant to be fun! And who wouldn’t want to go out on a second date with a woman who is confident, light, and fun?
If you’d like to learn even more dating skills, or you know someone who would, join us for our 2-day event, “Extraordinary Love NOW!”, which is happening NEXT weekend – September 13th and 14th – in Miami, FL. We’ll be teaching 2 FULL DAYS of deep, HeartWork that WILL transform the way you feel about dating AND the RESULTS that you’re currently experiencing. And, by the way, we’re doing it ABSOLUTELY FREE!
Learn More Here
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Dating really can be fun! You just need to have the right skillset and know how to start BEING that Irresistible Woman that a man asks out again and again!
by heartsdesireintl | Jun 8, 2018 | breakups, Dating, Heart's Desire International, heartache, Intimacy, Love, Marriage, Relationship, Relationship Advice, Successful Women
by Gladys Diaz
Have you ever asked yourself:
Why don’t I have the relationship that I want?
You’re sad, frustrated, and tired of things not going your way when it comes to love.
You see your friends and co-workers having happy, fun, loving relationships.
You’ve read books, listened to podcasts, watched videos, taken courses, and you still don’t have the loving relationship you want.
We know how painful that can be because we’ve been there.
And so have many of our clients.
As a successful woman, it’s not easy trying to do everything you know to do and still not see the results for your life.
You’re used to setting a goal and hitting it… no matter what.
Things are different when it comes to love, however.
First, everything isn’t dependent on you. You simply cannot make a man want to feel, say, or do what he doesn’t want to do.
Sure, you could try to manipulate, demand, and control him in order to get him to do what you want, but the truth is that, even if he falls for it once, he’ll eventually get tired of the game and move on.
You could also settle for less than what you really want. However, that doesn’t really sit well with a successful woman with high standards and a real desire to be in an extraordinary relationship.
Or you could give up on having the relationship you want. So, you could stay single or believe that the relationship you’re in is beyond saving. Again… not something a successful woman is used to or likes doing!
So, what is the alternative?
Well, you can figure out what it is that’s been getting in the way of you having the kind of love, connection, and commitment you really want to have with a man and then take the steps to remove and replace those thought and behavior patterns so that you can actually experience the love you want!
And, sorry, but that’s not something you can learn from a book or video!
See, while you may gain insight or awareness from a book, podcast, or video, the real work to distinguish, remove, and replace beliefs, triggers, patterns requires guidance to see what is currently in your blind spot.
The reason it’s called a blind spot is because you can’t see it! Not on your own.
This is why you keep telling yourself you’re not going to be the one to call or pursue a man, and yet you keep taking the lead.
It’s why you say you’re not going to continue going out and getting involved with men who aren’t ready to commit, but you end up getting physically intimate before you even really know him or there is any sign of true commitment.
Or, if you’re in a relationship, it’s why you promise yourself that you’re not going to raise your voice or argue about that same issue ever again, and the moment he says or does something, you find yourself in a full-blown argument that lasts hours (or days), costing you time you can be snuggling, loving, and being adored by the man you love.
The first thing to realize is: It’s not your fault.
Again, these are blind spots, and, if you knew how to stop doing these things – exactly which steps to take to completely break these patterns for good – you would be doing that already!
What you need to do is figure out:
- what is causing the same patterns to show up;
- how to break them apart so that they don’t keep showing up in your life; and
- how to replace those patterns with new ones – the kind that will have you experiencing the love, happiness, and intimacy your heart truly desires with a man who deserves to love and be loved by you!
If you know that you’re ready to stop repeating the same patters and creating the same painful results in your life, then you need to commit to taking the right steps.
Michelle and I are attending a personal development training next week, so we can’t offer to have you schedule a time to speak with us. However, we really want to help and be here for you, so we’re doing the next best thing!
All you need to do is email us and share with us the primary pattern that keeps showing up in your love life and why you’re committed to stopping it.
One of us will read your email and respond by giving you some clear coaching on how you can stop that pattern and create a new one that will give you the results you want in love.
Because we’ll be in all-day trainings, you may get your email response at weird hours of the day or night, but you will get the answers you want!
Remember, it really isn’t your “fault” that you haven’t been able to break the patterns. If you knew what to do, you would have already done it. However, if you really want to change the results you’ve been getting in your love life, it is up to you to take the right steps to do that.
So, go ahead. Email us share your primary pattern, and one of us will respond with clear and proven steps you can take to break the pattern and start getting the love you want!
by heartsdesireintl | Jun 2, 2018 | Communication, Heart's Desire International, heartache, Intimacy, Love, Marriage, Relationship Advice
by Gladys Diaz
Let me ask you…
What is the most important thing to you, when it comes to romantic relationships?
If you’re like the majority of the women, you’re answer is probably something like, “I want to be with someone who loves and accepts me exactly the way I am.”
Not too much to ask for, right?
Who doesn’t want to be fully loved and accepted?
The problem is that, while many people say they want to be unconditionally loved, not all of them are BEing unconditionally loving.
Don’t believe me? Have you ever said something like this about your partner:
“If only he would ______, THEN we could be happy.”
Or, what about:
“The only reason we’re not happy is because he ____.”
Listen, I know there are things about your partner you may not like. I’ve been with my husband for 19 years. I love him with all my heart… AND… there are things he does that I don’t like.
For years, I tried to convince, encourage, and persuade him to be less angry, more peaceful, less negative, and more positive.
I read him articles and book excerpts, I gave tons of unsolicited advice. Heck, I even took him with me to course, saying that it was “for us,” and then we weren’t allowed to even sit together for 3 full days!
On the way home, in the middle of an argument about the course, we stopped at a red light. He turned to me, looked me straight in the eye and said, “When are you going to stop trying to fix and change me? I haven’t changed. THIS is who you married. THIS is who you promised to love!”
In the moment, I wanted to say, “I’m not trying to fix and change you!”
I wish I could have, but I couldn’t.
He was right.
All of the “helpful” suggestions, videos, books, and courses I would share with him were because I wanted him to change so that we could be happy.
What I didn’t realize is that with every suggestion, paragraph, and quote I shared, I was sending the man I promised to love forever the message that I didn’t truly love and accept him.
Thanks to that…um… “conversation,” I realized what I was doing and the impact it was having on my marriage. Shortly after, I began focusing all of my reading, studying, and coursework on learning how I could be more loving and accepting.
I took the focus off of him and put it all onto becoming the best version of me.
I began learning how to say what I thought, felt, and wanted in a way that focused on me and my needs, and not on what he wasn’t doing to meet them.
I started really listening to my husband and seeking to understand him and his viewpoints and opinions.
And something AMAZING happened!
In a few short months, we were laughing again.
He was being more positive and peaceful.
We were barely arguing.
And the romance and fun was back in our marriage!
Who knew that focusing on ME would inspire HIM to change?
(By the way, those are HIS words, not mine!)
I don’t know what you are going through in your marriage, but if you are tired of telling your husband what he needs to do or do differently, how he needs to change, and all of the reasons why he’s responsible for your unhappiness, AND you want to change that dynamic to one where there is really unconditional love and happiness in the relationship, then wouldn’t it make sense to figure out how to do that?
Wouldn’t it be worth it to learn how to easily turn arguing and the “me vs. you” dynamic in the relationship into truly connecting and into a “you and me” dynamic?
If that’s what you want for yourself and your relationship, then CLICK HERE and share with me what the biggest challenge you are facing in your relationship is.
I promise to respond to your message and give you some real next steps you can take to start turning your relationship around so that you can finally have the happy, loving, peaceful relationship you really want!
You don’t have to go through years of making the same mistakes I made.
Let’s figure out what you can do to make your relationship the kind of happy, unconditionally loving relationship you’ve always wanted!
CLICK HERE! I’m here to help!
It doesn’t have to be hard. I promise!
by heartsdesireintl | May 31, 2018 | Dating, Heart's Desire International, heartache, Love, Marriage, Relationship Advice
by Gladys Diaz
This past weekend I took my kids ice-skating. I know… It was supposed to be the first weekend of summer, but the nonstop rain in Florida totally washed out any plans to spend a long weekend at the beach, so we went for Plan B.
It’s always interesting to me how those first few seconds on the ice can feel so vulnerable. While I have been ice skating before, I’m no pro. As I stepped out onto the slippery ice, I felt as if my feet had minds of their own. Even though I wanted to stand still, my feet were slipping back and forth under me. While I wanted to glide carefree on the ice, I was grabbing onto the barrier wall for dear life.
The loud little voice in my head kept repeating:
“Don’t fall! Whatever you do, don’t fall!”
I kept looking at the kids who were racing around the rink — seemingly fearlessly — and all I was focusing on was “Don’t fall!”
Every muscle in my body was committed to not slipping, falling, and hurting myself on that ice. It was hard to relax and enjoy myself when all my attention was on making sure I stayed upright!
Even when I eventually did move away from the wall and started skating a little faster, the thought of not falling and getting hurt remained my top priority.
And that’s how it can be when it comes to love and relationships once you’ve been hurt.
You try to go through the motions, doing what you think you’re supposed to do, pretending you and your heart are open to welcoming and receiving love, but through it all, your mind is focused on: “Don’t get hurt!”
So, you try to relax. You try to enjoy the date or the time with your partner, but, in the background, every fiber of your being is looking for signs of danger — signs that you might get hurt again.
Now, of course it’s natural not to want to get hurt. But when your main focus is on not getting hurt, few things happen:
- You cheat yourself out of truly being present and enjoying what is happening in the moment
- You’re consistently looking for “warning signs” and red flags, rather than allowing yourself to get to really see what is happening
- You protect yourself to the point that you are always guarded, which does not allow the other person to truly connect with you
Worst of all, you are subconsciously sabotaging yourself from truly opening up, having fun, and enjoying the experience of being with someone who probably has no intention of hurting you, but, because you are hyper-focused on protecting yourself, you never really get to relax and enjoy the experience.
You don’t have to be a moving target for pain, but you also don’t have to have your guard up and guard and prevent yourself from actually opening up to loving and being loved!
If you’re ready to explore how to bring down your guard so that you can attract and experience the love you want, click the link below and schedule a Love Breakthrough Session.
CLICK HERE to break through to the love you want!
On this call, we will look at what your ultimate goal when it comes to love and relationships is, what it is that is having you guard and protect your heart, and what some conscious and safe ways to bring down those barriers are WITHOUT putting yourself at risk for imminent heartbreak!
Love doesn’t have to be hard or painful. It can be easy, fulfilling, and fun.
Step away from the wall and let go. We’ve got your hand and we’re not going to let you fall!
