Last week, my husband and I had a conversation we’d been avoiding for years. It was something we knew we had to do. We’d talked about having the conversation, mentioned it to others, and, still, months and years went by without us having it. Why?
We were afraid of what it would mean – for us and for our family.
The conversation I’m referring to wasn’t a conversation we needed to have with one another. It was the conversation to let our older son know that he has Asperger’s Syndrome – a mild form of Autism.
We found out that our son had Autism during the summer before he begin first grade. The truth, however, is that I’d had my suspicions since the time that he was about 2 years old. There were signs that he wasn’t connecting with others, he had obsessive patterns of behavior, and changes in his schedule were very difficult for him to handle.
I even had a “secret” folder on my computer where I had been gathering research about Asperger’s Syndrome. No one knew about my suspicions, except me. For years, I carried this feeling with me, but was too afraid of what it might mean if my suspicions were confirmed.
The decision to not tell my son about his diagnosis was one that my husband and I made together. We went back and forth about the pros and cons of letting him know, considered what it would mean to him, how he might react. We were afraid of saying something that might set him off, make him feel like there was something “wrong” with him, or that he might use his diagnosis as an excuse, rather than the reason for trying harder. At the same time, we wondered if not telling him would cause just as many issues for him, with him never knowing why he felt and was sometimes treated as if he were “different.”
I can’t tell you how many times I envisioned us having this conversation with him. In each scenario, I would hear my son asking a million questions (something he does anyway), questioning who he is, why there was something “wrong” with him, how it could be cured (there is no cure for autism), and why this had to happen to him. I pictured him crying, storming out of the room, or throwing a tantrum.
The fear of what I imagined his reaction would be is one of the things that kept me delaying having the conversation. I couldn’t imagine having to have to comfort my son, answer questions I didn’t have the answers to, and explain something that, quite honestly, I understand very little about myself.
We finally decided to stop avoiding having the conversation. He’s about to go to middle school, and we want him to be able to speak up for himself if he needs help. We planned what we would tell him and decided to keep it as simple as possible, allowing him to ask questions if he wanted more information.
Last week, we sent our little one upstairs and let him know we needed to talk with him. I was sweating, cold, and trying not to cry, all at the same time. I looked at my husband. We gave each other the look that said, “We’re in this together,” and we told him in the most simple and matter-of-fact way about his diagnosis, what it meant, what it didn’t mean, and why it was important that he know about it now that he’s getting older.
He asked us some questions like, “Is this why I feel left out a lot of the time?” (that was a hard one to hear), “Is this why I’m really good at math?” (an easier one to hear), “Is this why I have trouble with my short-term memory?”
Then he asked me if I had Asperger’s, too. I told him I didn’t but that dad had learned that he might have it, and that seemed to make him feel better. Then, out of nowhere, he asked if Albert Einstein had Asperger’s. I smiled and said that, a matter of fact, doctors now believe that he did (this made him feel a lot better).
When we asked him how he felt about knowing that he had Asperger’s Syndrome, he said, something I had never imagined in any of my worst-case-scenarios.
He said smiled and said, “It feels good knowing that there is something unique about me!”
In that moment, all of my imagined fears fell away. All of the doubts I’d had about whether or not telling him was a good idea, disappeared. And I had to smile to hide back the tears.
I spent years ignoring the fact that I suspected my son had Asperger’s because I was afraid of what others would say and how they’d treat him. I was afraid of what it might mean for him and his life. But avoiding the issue didn’t make the Asperger’s go away.
I spent years avoiding telling my son about his diagnosis because I was afraid of how he might react, that it might be “devastating” for him, and that I wouldn’t know how to help him through understanding and dealing with it. But, eventually, we had to have the conversation, anyway.
I spent years carrying all of that unnecessary fear, emotional stress, and useless worrying.
And, in the end, he just felt special!
So, how does this relate to you and your relationship?
Is there something in your relationship that you’re not dealing with?
Are there signs that the intimacy in your relationship is fading?
Are you arguing more than you need to?
Are you not connecting the way that you used to?
Are you pretending that the problems aren’t there?
Is there a conversation you’ve been avoiding having?
Are you afraid of what he might say or not say?
Are you imagining a worst-case scenario in your head that is keeping you from having a discussion that might actually help turn things around?
Pretending that the problems are not there doesn’t mean the problems aren’t there, nor is it helping to solve them.
Avoiding having the conversation because you are afraid of how he might react or what might happen as a result isn’t solving anything either. It’s just delaying the inevitable, and could actually be making things worse because of your unwillingness to deal with reality.
I know it’s going to take courage to see what you may have been unwilling to see and to say what you’ve been afraid to say.
Consider that what you are imagining may be ten times worse than what actually ends up happening.
And consider that having the courage to confront reality and deal with what there is to deal with now may save you years of dealing with unnecessary worry, fear, and heartache.
If you need support with having a difficult conversation, contact us.
We can help you gather your thoughts and communicate them in a way that will help you say what needs to be said and empower you to begin turning things around in your relationship.
You don’t have to avoid things or pretend any longer, and you don’t have to face it alone!
Questions? Comments? Let us know below, we love hearing from you!
If you’re tired of attracting unavailable, unfaithful, and non-committing men into your life, then you’ll want to click below and listen to today’s Coaching Clip!
One of the common complaints Michelle and I hear from women is that they keep seeing a pattern emerging in their love life and relationships. For some women, it’s that they keep attracting unavailable or unfaithful men. For others, it’s that men often disappear after they have been physically intimate with them. And others complain that they just can’t seem to find someone with whom they feel any real attraction or connection.
At times it can seem as if these things just “keep happening” to you. The truth, however, is that, this pattern is something that you are creating in your life.
Now, I know what you’re thinking:
“Why in the world would I continue to create something I don’t want?”
I understand. It seems crazy to think that you would do something that would have you continue experiencing pain, frustration and sadness. However, the truth is that most of the time, you are doing this subconsciously. You’re not even aware that you’re doing it!
So, why does this happen?
Many times, the harmful patterns you create in your life are triggered by a fear, doubt, or limiting belief that you are subconsciously trying to prove correct and keep alive. There was something that happened in your past, and you made a decision that it would never happen again. In trying to avoid having that pattern reappear, you continue creating and gathering evidence to support the beliefs you made up (“I’m not good enough,” “I don’t deserve to be happy,””I’m just not good at relationships.”).
In today’s Coaching Clip, you’ll hear how Michelle guides Melisa to discover a truth she had been unable to see for herself before that has led to her attract unavailable and unfaithful men. The truth she discovers in this clip is something many people had told her about in the past. While she wasn’t ready to hear it then, she was ready during the Live Group Coaching Call we hosted a few weeks ago.
Listen in and see how Michelle guides Melisa and helps her identify the belief about herself that has had her repeatedly attract unavailable men into her life. Notice Melisa’s courage and her unwillingness to stay stuck anymore! It’s truly inspiring!
One of the powerful aspects of group coaching is that, even if you’re not the person being coached, you get to listen to, receive the coaching, and apply it in your own life.
As you listen to this Coaching Clip, I invite you to put yourself in Melisa’s place.
What is the limiting belief you keep proving over and over again in your life and relationships?
What is the pattern that keeps showing up because of this?
And, most importantly, are you ready to finally put an end to it?
If you are, after you listen to the coaching clip, reply to this send us an email letting us know what the pattern you want to stop is, and Michelle and I will be happy to help you break through it once and for all!
Click Below to Listen to Today’s Coaching Clip!
P.S. Melisa was courageous enough to be willing to look within, listen to the coaching she was getting , and then make the decision to sign up for the “Ready to Love Again” 6-Week Course. If you’re ready to change your life, get unstuck, and have the love you want, sign up for now!
Questions? Comments? Let us know below! We love hearing from you!
There’s probably nothing more frustrating, depressing, and debilitating than the idea that you can’t change your circumstances – particularly when it comes to your love life.
When things aren’t going the way you hoped they would – whether it’s due to a break-up, a “dry spell” in your dating life, or a relationship that has slowly (or rapidly) been losing its spark – this can leave you feeling hopeless and like there’s nothing you can really do to change what is happening. This feeling of hopelessness then leads to you standing still and feeling “stuck” as you watch your life, hopes, and dreams unravel, while you silently wait for someone or something to magically appear to rescue you from your situation.
The bad news is: There is no cavalry coming to rescue you.
The great news is: You don’t need a cavalry! You have the power to turn things around!
So what are some signs that you’re stuck in your love life and what can you do to get unstuck and start living and loving again?
1. You keep hoping and wishing things will change on their own.
If it’s been a while since your last break up and you’re still holding on, waiting and hoping that he’ll change his mind and reconsider coming back to you; or you’re avoiding going out and meeting new people while you’re also complaining that you don’t want to be alone, you’re stuck! Wishing, hoping, waiting, and complaining are not going to change a single thing about your situation. The only way to create a change is to make a change! And that means letting go of a man who does not see what he’s missing and is not trying to create a loving relationship with you, and going out so that you can attract one who will!
If you’re in a relationship and you’ve been ignoring the signs that he’s been distant and withdrawn, while silently wondering where the romantic, loving guy you used to know is going to return, you’re stuck! Ignoring the signs that your relationship is changing is not going to make that romance reappear. This doesn’t mean you begin hounding him about it, issuing threats and ultimatums, or suggesting counseling. What it means is looking to see where you haven’t been being the woman he fell in love with and focus your attention there (See #2 for more about this).
2. You blame people and circumstances outside of yourself for the reason why you’re stuck.
Blaming the past, your parents, your ex, your circumstances, or anything outside of yourself for not being able to move forward is a sure way of staying stuck! Now, this doesn’t mean you blame yourself, either. However, if you can take responsibility for the role you have played up to this point in having things turn out the way they are, you also get to take the credit for turning things around.
So, what are some of the things you haven’t been willing to do to make a change in your love life? Where have you been pointing the mirror outside of yourself to avoid being responsible for taking a step toward having the life and love you say you want? And, most importantly, what will your first step toward that life and love be?
3. You believe you “deserve” to be going through what you’re going through.
One of the “traps” that can keep you stuck is the idea that you somehow “deserve” to be sad and alone, rather than happy and fulfilled. This has to do with how you see yourself. And, the truth is that no one else is going to love and put you first until you love and put yourself first.
You were not placed on this earth to suffer, be alone, or feel unloved. You are worthy, deserving, and were created to love and be loved! If there is something you need to forgive yourself for, then be gentle with yourself, forgive yourself, and move on. Grant yourself the permission to feel happy and allow the love deserve and desire to make its way into your life and heart!
4.You tell everyone who will listen about your heartache.
Perhaps the greatest trap of all comes from getting other people’s agreement about how right you are in feeling so sad and alone. The people in your life love you, but they don’t always give you the advice you need to stop feeling sorry for yourself and move on. They’ll listen to you complain (over and over again), they’ll nod as you “villanize” the person whose hurt you, and agree with you that he was a jerk, that you’ve had it rough, and that you are so right to feel the way you are feeling. While talking about your feelings is helpful, repeating the story over and over again to gain sympathy and agreement moves nothing forward. It keeps you replaying the same song about how you’ll never be happy or loved the way you want to be. Truth be told, most of the time, your friends and family are going to tell you what you want to hear. They will also advise you from their own fears and insecurities, which may not be the objective, life-changing type of counsel you need in order to make a real change in your life (See #5, below!).
5. You’d rather stay stuck than reach out for help.
Everything in life comes down to a choice. You choose to be happy, or you choose to remain sad. You choose to cast blame and shame, or you choose to forgive. You choose to give up, or you choose to stand for yourself and make the changes that are going to lead to you having everything your heart desires.
One real step you can take toward getting unstuck in your love life is to reach out for help from coach who can guide you toward releasing yourself from the fears, doubts, and limiting beliefs of the past so that you can have a breakthrough in your love life and begin to experience the love, happiness, and romance you desire and deserve.
It’s difficult to see the ways you may be standing in your own way and blocking love from coming into your life. It takes courage to change old beliefs, stop harmful patterns, and begin taking new, unfamiliar steps toward the love you’ve always wanted.
Michelle and I are committed that you get to experience every bit of love, happiness, and romance your heart desires. We’re here to guide, encourage, and show you how you can transform your life. But you have to be willing to take the first step by reaching out to us!
The only thing in this world we have the power to truly change is ourselves.
If you’re single and ready to love again, then your first step can choosing to join us for the “Ready to Love Again” 6-Week Course that begins on March 12th. If you were unable to join us live for the “Ready to Love Again” Webinarwe created to tell you a little more about the course, clickhereto request the recording.
If you’re in a relationship or marriage, and you’re ready to begin doing what’s in your control to turn things around so that you can create a happy, fulfilling relationship with the man you love, contact us now to set up a time to talk!
If you’re tired of being sad and alone, feeling helpless and hopeless, and wondering when the fear and anxiety will change into happiness and peace, then gather your courage and reach out your hand. We’ve held the hands of hundreds of women around the world and we’d love to take yours and help guide you toward experiencing the life and love your heart desires!
Comments? Questions? Let us know below! We love hearing from you!
During our Q&A call a few weeks ago, we answered a lot of your questions, but were only able to get to a few of the questions during the 60-minute call. Many of you raised your hand when we asked if you’d like us to offer more calls where you could have your questions answered.
You asked for it, you got it!
To make sure we can answer more of your questions, we’ve scheduled a “Ready for Love” Live Coaching Call for this Saturday, February 22nd! We’ve extended the time of Saturday’s call to 90 minutes, and, instead of making it just a Q&A format, we’re going to go a little deeper and give you some real coaching on the call!
Wondering whether a few minutes of coaching can make a difference?
Last Wednesday I spent just a few minutes on the phone with a woman who reached out to me for coaching about her marriage. She and her husband had been living completely separate lives inside of the same home for years. She felt lonely, abandoned, and afraid that it was too late to change things around. We looked at some of the fears, limiting beliefs, and habits that were standing in her way of having the relationship she wanted with her husband. She saw where she could make some changes, and I gave her an “assignment” to do that night.
On Friday morning – Valentine’s Day – I received an email from her with a picture of her holding a huge bouquet of roses! I asked her how long it had been since he’d done something like that. She said she couldn’t even remember, but that it had probably been about8 years! I asked what she felt caused the shift. She responded that she had done the exercise I gave her during that short call.
From living separate lives to sharing precious moments in two short days!
Still wondering if a few minutes of coaching can make a difference for you?
Not too long ago, I spoke to another woman who had not dated for several years. After a coaching call, she accepted an online date, then another, then another, and she is now enjoying dating while also getting to know really great guys, including one who is really into her and who she is beginning to fall for, too!
Now, while it takes consistency and working with us over time to transform old thoughts, beliefs, and habits into new ones, a laser coaching call can help you see what’s blocking you from attracting love into your life and help you achieve some results now that give you the motivation to continue making the necessary changes!
So, if you’d like to receive some laser coaching on Saturday and/or listen in while other women receive their coaching, just click the link below and register! You will receive call-in details, as well as information on how to submit your request for coaching.
If there’s one thing you can count on from us is that we listen and we’re here to serve!
We’re excited about the opportunity to connect with you and make a difference in your life!
We’re sure that by this time today, your Inbox, Facebook, and Twitter feeds are overflowing with “Happy Valentine’s Day” messages! Well, here’s one more!
For those of us in happy, loving relationships, today is a special day! We get to celebrate the love we share with the man we’ve chosen to share our lives and hearts with!
For those who are not in a loving relationship, however, it can be a pretty rotten day. All weekend long (and, here in the U.S., it’s a long weekend), you’re sure to be surrounded by hearts, balloons, proposal announcements, and reminders of everyone else’s love and happiness.
If you were on last night’s “Ready to Love Again” webinar (make sure you check out the replay below!), you heard Michelle and me share our personal stories of heartache. Spending any holiday alone can be painful, but this one’s especially difficult.
I remember the first Valentine’s Day after my husband died. All I wanted to do was crawl under a rock and just block out all of the reminders of love and joy that were around me. Everything I saw was a reminder of the love I’d lost and how broken my heart felt. I felt a little guilty about it, but I couldn’t help it. I was alone. I was devastated. And it sucked!
So, if you are feeling angry, sad, or resentful today, we want you to know that it’s understandable. This doesn’t make you a “bad” person. It just means you’re feeling sad and lonely. It’s okay.
Now, this doesn’t mean we want you wrap yourself up in a bitter, depressed Snuggy blanket! The feelings you’re feeling are real and valid. But we also want you to know that you don’t have to stay in that space. You don’t have to stay alone. You can choose to heal your heart and invite love back into your life!
On last night’s webinar, women from all over the world learned why heartache feelsreal, why it can be difficult to let go of it, and what they could do to begin to move on. There was healing, love, and transformation present on that call, and we are so excited for the women who accepted the invitation we gave at the end of the presentation and are now on their path to healing andfreedom from the past! We’re excited because we know about the miracles they are about to experience. We know, because we’ve experienced them first-hand in our own lives and in the lives of the women who we’ve coached and worked with over the years.
All we can say is this:Expect miracles, ladies! Your life, as you know it, will never be the same!
For those of you who were unable to join us on the call, we want you to have an opportunity to experience the same type of healing as these ladies, so we’re giving you access to the webinar replay and a chance at receiving the special “Valentine’s Days” prize we offered last night.
Now, here’s the deal:
If you want something to change, then something has to change. And right now, that something is YOU!
Too many times we allow opportunities to slip right through our hands because we’re too proud, too scared, or too committed to staying stuck in the muck of our lives to draw a line in the sand and say, “This is it! The pain, sadness and loneliness end here and now!”
We’re giving you that opportunity to do that today – to listen to the webinar and make this Valentine’s Day the LAST ONE you spend single and alone!
If you’re not single, but you still feel alone inside of your marriage or relationship, contact us now! I’m not kidding. What in the world are you waiting for?
It’s not going to get better on its own. Things didn’t “just happen” to get bad in your relationship. It happened over time. The love, passion, and romance you once shared were slowly replaced by resentment, regret, and resignation.
But you can turn your relationship around!
And, yes, it is going to take some time, commitment, and the willingness to make changes if you want to transform your relationship back into a loving, peaceful, intimate romance!
This is your life. It’s your choice. And we’re here to offer you the support, tools, and encouragement you need to finally be happy and have the love your heart desires! And while we know we can help, we can’t want it more than you do. You’ve got to want it more!
So, if you’re single, click below to listen to the “Ready to Love Again” webinar and take the first step toward inviting love back into your life.
And if you’re not single, but you are feeling lonely inside of your relationship,contact us and take the first step toward restoring the love and intimacy in your relationship TODAY!
Today’s a pretty special day at Heart’s Desire International… It’s Michelle and Arnie’s 3rd Wedding Anniversary!
For those of you who are not blessed enough to know Michelle and Arnie, I can tell you that they are one of the most inspiring, couples in the world! To see them together is to see what real, unconditional, and extraordinary love looks like! They love and respect one another, are each other’s biggest fans, and accept one another exactly the way they are and exactly the way they are not!
While their relationship isn’t “perfect,” because neither one of them is, either, the love that they share is as close to perfect as it gets!
Now, you may be wondering how Michelle got so “lucky” to end up with such an amazing relationship and marriage? You may think that she’s simply one of the lucky ones who just happened to land an amazing guy without having to go through any type of heartache. And you’d be wrong.
To see her now as a confident, motivational leader who wins one award and recognition after another, and has helped hundreds of women around the world fall in love with themselves and the man of their dreams, you would never guess that just a few years ago she was feeling alone, rejected, and heartbroken.
See, Michelle fell in and got married at a very young age, and her marriage was far from the fairytale romance she lives now. She and her ex-husband did not get along, did not know how to communicate with one another, and, after 13 years of fighting and chipping away at the love they once had, they divorced.
When she began dating again, Michelle will be the first to tell you that she had no idea what she was doing. And because her self-esteem was on the floor and she was looking outside of herself for validation, she dated some pretty bad frogs. At that time, she didn’t honor and love herself, so it was impossible for her to attract a man who would love and cherish her. She tried to create a relationship with men who were clear they did not want to commit, she stayed in dead-end relationships for longer than she should have, and she allowed men to treat her poorly.
It wasn’t until Michelle began practicing the skills we now teach women world-wide that she began to fall in love with herself. She began to realize that she was worthy of love, that she was loveable, and that she could have and deserved the type of happy, peaceful, loving relationship she had always dreamed of.
It wasn’t long before she began enjoying dating because she started attracting some really wonderful men into her life who treated her like the princess she is. She was able to have fun, meet different types of guys and have the really wonderful “problem” of having to choose which of these great guys she wanted to date exclusively! Arnie was one of those guys.
But their love story wasn’t always smooth sailing. While dating, Arnie had moments when he wasn’t sure he wanted to be in a committed relationship, so they would stop seeing each other. But Michelle would not go into a cave and hide until he was ready to tell her that he wanted to be in a relationship with her. She continued dating, attracting more generous, affectionate men of great character into her life, and, when he did come back, she had the choice of whether or not she would let him back into her life and her heart. And she did.
Today, she has the experience of waking up and falling asleep in the arms of the man she loves and who loves her with every part of his being. They laugh, love, grow, and dedicate their lives to empowering people to create the life and love of their dreams!
Michelle can tell this story so much better than I can (and I love hearing it!), so, if you’d like to learn more about how she turned her dating experience from one of pain and tears to one of constant tears of joy, join us tomorrow night, Thursday, February 13th, at 9:00pm ET. We will be offering a FREE webinar called “Ready to Love Again.”
In this webinar, you will learn:
What makes it difficult to move beyond the heartache of a breakup
The steps you can take to move beyond your heartache and toward a new future filled with LOVE
How to begin attracting new love into your life NOW!
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