Heart's Desire Intl | Relationship Advice

How to Overcome Social Distancing Anxiety

by heartsdesireintl | May 1, 2020 | Coaching, Communication, Dating, Gratitude, Heart's Desire International, Intimacy, keeping the love alive, Love, Marriage, Relationship, Relationship Advice

by Gladys Diaz

Even before the events of Covid-19 shook our world, women would come to us because they were triggered by the distance they felt in relationships.

Whether it was physical distance or perceived distance (like he starts texting/calling less than he did before), distance is something that causes a lot of women anxiety.

Because of the events of the last couple of months and the “social distancing” regulations that have been put on all of us, this anxiety may be amplified for you.

If anxiety in relationships isn’t something you had previously dealt with, it may be something that has been coming up for you now.

As these “social distancing” regulations begin to be lifted in different parts of the country, a whole new kind of anxiety might be setting in for you. The anxiety of whether it’s really safe to go out now? …to meet someone new? …to hug or kiss?

If you have been or are experiencing anxiety for any reason, you’re not alone, and the number one thing you can do for yourself under our current circumstances is to honor yourself. Get clarity around what’s true for you. Let go of social agreements and make a decision you can stand by.

One of the essential elements of being an Irresistible Woman is being connected to what you really feel and standing confidently in it.

So, what do you do if, because the restrictions are being lifted in your community, a guy asks you if you’d like to meet, and you still feel like it’s too soon?

You can say, “For me, it’s still too soon to meet in person, but I’d love to keep getting to know you.” From there he can decide whether or how he wants to make that happen.

It’s as easy as that.

What if you had anxiety before Covid-19? Did experiencing distance (either physical or perceived distance ) in a relationship trigger you before?

Did you find yourself sending memes that you found funny or articles you thought he’d be interested in because you’re feeling anxious that you haven’t heard from him in a few days (or hours!)

Do you find yourself doing these things just so you can get on his radar and get the hit that will deflate the anxiety when/if he responds?

If so, remember this: It’s not as helpful to pay attention to what he’s doing as it is to pay attention to how you’re reacting to it.

Your reaction is what’s causing the anxiety.

When the anxiety hits, ask yourself: “What is it that’s really bothering me?” “Why does not hearing from him worry me so much?”

And then be gentle with yourself.

It’s a fear that’s getting triggered, and it can feel all-consuming.

Take a breath and remind yourself that you’re safe and nothing bad is happening to you.

If you’re feeling this over a guy you’ve just started seeing, then remind yourself that you’re just getting to know each other and it’s okay that you haven’t heard from him. It doesn’t mean anything.

If it’s someone you’ve been seeing a little longer, then ask yourself if the anxiety you’re feeling is because you’re getting attached because he’s the only person you’re seeing. If you’re still not in a committed relationship with a man, maybe it’s time to open up to seeing others as well.

It is also powerful to notice if anxiety is a pattern you’ve created for yourself.

Not to downplay it in any way, as anxiety is a very real experience that has your nervous system go crazy and triggers irrational thoughts. But notice if being in a state of high anxiety is something you’ve trained yourself to feel.

We find with many women that they feel “alive” when they’re worrying about something and that, even when things are calm and going well, they still feel anxiety because they automatically (and subconsciously) start looking for something to worry about it.

Anxiety can also be triggered by wanting to control people, conditions, or circumstances that are outside of your control.

If you notice yourself in this pattern, start teaching yourself how to shift.

If you find yourself looking for something to worry about, notice and laugh about it. Then think of something you’re grateful for, or think of something else you can focus your attention on that you do have control over so that you can begin to retrain your mind out of the pattern of constant worrying.

There is so much more we could share on this topic, and so much of this really requires personal coaching to get to the root of what triggers the anxiety in the first place!

This is why we’re so excited to be inviting you to the second Extraordinary Love NOW Masterclass, happening tomorrow, Saturday, May 2nd at 12pm Eastern!

Because we had such an incredible turn out last week, because so many of you asked if we could offer the training again – and because we had so much fun – we decided to do it one more time!

In this interactive masterclass you will get training and coaching on your mindset, dating skills, ways of being, as well as relationship coaching, so that you can either step out or step further into the relationship you’re in to create the relationship of your dreams.

Grab your spot for the Extraordinary Love NOW Masterclass here!

In the search for love, you don’t have to be worried!

You are in control of how you feel, react, and respond, and we’re here to show you how!

As you empower yourself with the right tools, you gain the power to create the relationship you really want and deserve.

We’re here for you!

Should I Stay or Should I Go?

by heartsdesireintl | Apr 24, 2020 | breakups, Coaching, Communication, Dating, Forgiveness, Heart's Desire International, Intimacy, keeping the love alive, Love, Marriage, Relationship, Relationship Advice, Self-Love

by Gladys Diaz

Should I stay or should I go?

Have you ever asked yourself that question?

If you’re asking yourself that, maybe a better question is: “Why am I staying?”

Maybe he’s not showing up the way he used to.

Maybe you’re not comfortable in the relationship and can’t be yourself.

Maybe there’s a lot of drama in the relationship and it’s exhausting.

Maybe it’s been this way for a long time and you know your life is passing you by.

Why…?

And by the way… this conversation doesn’t just exist when talking about relationships.

This conversation about being unclear or feeling “stuck” is relevant to just about any area of your life.

Maybe you’re staying in a job you don’t like and that’s not fulfilling.

Maybe your house doesn’t light you up or create the feeling of home.

Maybe you feel stuck in your business or a friendship.

Where in your life are you just surviving?

Where are you settling for less than you desire?

People stay in situations that are less than what they want because of FEAR. Fear of not knowing what the alternative will be like, if it will work out, and if they can handle it.

Staying comfortable in something less than desirable feels better (or seems safer) than the risk of stepping outside of your comfort zone to create something different.

Can you relate?

I know it was that way for me. I was married for over 12 years and at least the last three or four years of that relationship were spent knowing it wasn’t going to get any better. Did you hear me… four years!! I had major doubt that I could do it on my own, that I had what it took to leave and create something better.

At that time in my life I was doing the same exact thing in my professional life. I was in a job that I hated. But I had a false sense of safety and wasn’t doing anything about it out of fear.

Sound familiar?

So… should you stay or should you go?

First of all, if you are in a situation where you are in danger, where you experience moments of being afraid in your relationship, then there’s no question. You should go.

No woman should ever be in a situation where she feels afraid. If that’s you, please reach out for support.

Secondly, if you’re waiting for someone else to do something, or if you feel like you just can’t take the way things are for one more day, then it’s time to ask yourself, ”Why am I staying?”

The thing is this, most of the time, love is not what’s in question.

We hear stories from so many women and the first answer is always “Because I love him” or “Because we love each other.”

You can 100% feel that you love someone and not be in a relationship that is healthy, going somewhere, or what you really desire.

What’s really in question is whether you love yourself.

Do you love yourself enough to have what you desire?

And if you’re not clear on what you desire, do you love yourself enough to get crystal-clear about it so that you can find the courage to step out of what you’re settling for and open up the space for what you really want?

After my divorce, and after I finally did the Heartwork to learn how to love myself, I was clear that I didn’t ever again want to be with someone that wasn’t 100% sure they wanted to be with me. When I finally created that clarity for myself, everything changed.

Now for the question of whether you should stay.

You should stay if you feel safe and if you have a desire to make things work. Even if right now, you’re the only one saying she wants it to work, there needs to be a desire to change things.

We’ve worked with women who have completely redesigned their relationships. They have done the work on themselves in order to experience the relationship differently and create the relationship of their dreams inside the relationship they are already in.

So, if you find yourself in the question of whether you should stay or go, then the time is now to take action. No amount of complaining, talking about it, or hoping that it’s going to change on its own is going to change anything. You have to take committed action!

This is why we’re so excited to be inviting you to the Extraordinary Love NOW Masterclass, happening tomorrow, Saturday, April 25th at 12pm Eastern!

You will get training and coaching on your mindset, dating leadership coaching, ways of being, as well as relationship coaching, so that you can either step out or step further into the relationship you’re in to create the relationship of your dreams.

Grab your spot for the Extraordinary Love NOW Masterclass here!

In the search for love, YOU get to choose!

As you empower yourself with the right tools, you gain the power to create the relationship you really want and deserve.

We’re here for you!

How to “COVID-19 Proof” Your Relationship

by heartsdesireintl | Apr 13, 2020 | Coaching, Communication, Forgiveness, Heart's Desire International, Intimacy, Love, Marriage, Relationship, Relationship Advice

by Gladys Diaz

Is his breathing starting to drive you crazy?

Do you feel like you’re not getting any alone time?

Are you arguing about every little thing?

We ask these questions a little lightheartedly because we know feeling these things right now doesn’t mean you don’t love your partner. It’s simply that the stress in your relationship may be rising as you’re being forced to spend more time together than usual in what is probably starting to feel like a very confined space.

Also, with extra time and less distractions, the things you’ve been too busy or too distracted to address in your relationship are coming up.

The pressure may be starting to rise, and you may be feeling like you’re about to burst! (Remember those old pressure-cookers? The way they would whistle louder and louder meaning it was getting closer to the exploding point? Are you beginning to feel like that?!?)

You know, just the other day Arnie and I were having a conversation and I was starting to feel frustrated. It just didn’t feel like he was understanding my point of view and I was beginning to feel the pressure rising!

The conversation was starting to get a little heated, but then I remembered… “What if he just sees it differently?”

Remembering that people process information differently (especially men and women!) has the power to change everything. In those heated moments, it can be difficult to remember that , but it is so important!

So, what can you do to bring the stress level down a notch?

The different circumstances that we are all currently experiencing are magnifying the need to have good communication skills in place in your relationship, because, when you don’t have the skills you’ll either 1) withdraw from your partner, or 2) explode and word-vomit all over him!

Neither of these things will lead to the loving, connected, supportive relationship you want to have with your partner.

When it comes to communication there are three very important things to remember.

What you say.
How you say it.
The energy behind what you’re saying.

Let’s focus on that third one.

A large part of communicating effectively is thinking about how the message is going to be received. Now, you can’t control how the other person is going to hear what you’re saying, but you can be responsible for the intention and energy behind your words.

Before you speak, ask yourself, “What do I want to create in the space between us?”

Setting the intention of creating love, connection, and understanding before a heated conversation begins changes what happens during the conversation and the outcome drastically.

The second thing you can do if you’ve found yourself having a stressful conversation with your partner is take a step back and talk about what isn’t working from a neutral state by using nouns and verbs.

What does that look like?

Saying “When you did ____________ it made me ___________” doesn’t work, because it immediately sets your partner up to defend himself..

Instead, when you say, “What doesn’t work is yelling” or “What doesn’t work is blaming,” it changes the conversation. Instead of getting defensive, you are both able to identify what isn’t working and shift it.

And lastly, if things are getting heated and you’re not seeing a loving and productive way out of an impending blow-up, then call a time-out.

Take a 5-10 minute break to think about what the other person is saying and feeling. Stay awake in your relationship and allow time to process your own thoughts and feelings before continuing the conversation, if needed.

It’s also important to allow for disagreements.

Like I shared in the example above, sometimes we are just going to see things differently. You are two completely different human beings with your own thoughts, opinions, and beliefs. Remember that many of those differences are the things that attracted you to one another, so allow for the disagreements, making respect a top priority in your communication, even when you don’t see eye-to-eye on something.

All of these communication skills work really well in romantic relationships, and you can also practice them with everyone in your life.

It is not enough just to know what to do. As Tony Robbins says: Knowledge is only potential power., you get to do it.

Knowledge only has the power to transform and make a difference when it is used effectively. So, use these skills with your partner, with your kids, with your co-workers.

We are all under pressure right now, and that doesn’t mean our relationships have to break down.

If you have a specific issue you’d like to discuss with your partner, and you’re not sure how to do it in a way that leads to more love and partnership, we’re opening up extra spots on our calendar to help you prepare for and have the conversation in a way that will lead to more love, connection, and partnership with the man you love.

Simply click below and schedule a Love Breakthrough Session, and we’ll walk you through exactly what to say and do so that you can communicate and connect with your partner now.

Click here to schedule a Communication Love Breakthrough Session.

We are going to get through this, and we’re going to get through it together.

How To Be Absolutely Irresistible To A Man.

by heartsdesireintl | Nov 15, 2019 | Coaching, Dating, Getting engaged, Heart's Desire International, keeping the love alive, Love, Ready to Love Again, Relationship, Relationship Advice, Romance, Success

by Gladys Diaz

Do you know that girl that just seems to get all the guys?

You know… that girlfriend that always seems to get people’s attention… no matter where she is??

What is it about her?

What if we told you the secret to turning a man on?

What if we gave you the tools that would have men not just BE attracted to you, but STAY attracted to you.

What if we told you exactly how to have men ask you out on the spot?

Keep reading, because what we’re about to share with you has had men turn around their cars around and PARK, or leave their seat in a restaurant to ask a girl out in the parking lot! (True stories!).

See, there’s a limiting belief many women have that men only want one thing. (I’m sure you can guess what that one thing is.)

But, guess what?! It’s not true!

Research shows that there is something that men want, something they notice right away in a woman, before they ever speak to her, and that is if she looks like she feels happy and confident.

Men notice and are attracted to a woman’s eyes and her smile before anything else..

Why?

A woman’s’ eyes reveal whether or not she feels confident.

Are you able to see a man you find attractive and make eye contact with him?

Are you able to then hold that contact?

If so, a man knows you are confident.

A woman’s smile let’s a man know how she feels. Is she happy? Does she look like she can create her own happiness, and is she enjoying her life?

Those two things are what turns a man on and makes him not only notice you, but want to do something about it.

And, for those of you already in relationships, trust us when we tell you that your eyes and your smile STILL turn your boyfriend or husband on.

Doubt us? Try it! Smile at him and hold eye contact for 3-5 seconds as you do. Then let us know how he responds! 😉

So what are the ways of BEing you can cultivate inside yourself so that your eyes shine with confidence and your smile radiates happiness?

We call them the Irresistible Essences — your innate power to create that magical spark that naturally draws men (and everyone else, for that matter) to you.

We use the word MAGICAL to help you remember what they are:

M – Mesmerizing

A – Authentic

G – Gracious

I – Inspiring

C – Confident

A – Alluring

L – Love-able

Let’s dive in a bit deeper, shall we?

BEing Mesmerizing looks like captivating a man’s attention and drawing him into you through your Way of BEing. It’s like casting a spell that has men notice and be drawn to you.

BEing Authentic means being YOURSELF. It’s knowing that you’re more than enough and showing up that way. Remember: He can’t fall (or stay) in love with you if you’re not even there!

BEing Gracious is allowing yourself to receive and giving him the gift of being able to give to you. Some women really struggle with this one, because they’re so used to doing for themselves. It’s important to point out that receiving is NOT about being entitled or not being able to take care of yourself. It’s about graciously accepting that he’s invited you out and receiving that with grace and gratitude..

So, allow him to pay. Accept his compliments. And offer gratitude in return. Let him know how much you appreciated the dinner, his company, and the date.

BEing Inspiring means being a breath of happiness, love and fun. No one wants to swim in a pool of upset. So instead of making him feel obligated to be with you or required to do anything, inspire him to show up for you by the way you are when you’re around him.

BEing Confident looks like doing your own thing and creating your own happiness. It’s knowing that you’re enough without feeling as if you have to “prove” it. Remember: This is the #1 most attractive thing to a man.

BEing Alluring is also a Way of BEing. It means being radiant, authentic, drawing people to you simply by being the amazing woman you are.

BEing Love-Able means knowing deep down, for real, that you are both able to love and be loved by another. It looks like knowing you don’t have to withhold love or be afraid to receive it.

So there you have it! The 7 ways of BEing, the Irresistible Essences, that turn a man on and attract him to want to get to know you and then want to stay with you!

If you want to dive into this even further so that you can create the relationship of your dreams NOW, then you will want to join us for our 2020 Love Vision Event, happening in just a few weeks!

Click here to learn more.

At this event, we’ll be helping you to complete 2019 and step powerfully into 2020 with a crystal-clear vision for love that your heart desires deeply and the exact steps and tools you’ll need to create and experience it in 2020! There are limited spots at this event and they are already filling up, so make sure to claim your spot now.

Remember: It’s not just about getting a man to ask you out. It’s about BEing the irresistible woman that he decides he can’t live without. That’s when all your dreams will become a reality!

Do You Feel Confident or Desperate?

by heartsdesireintl | Nov 1, 2019 | Coaching, Communication, Dating, keeping the love alive, Love, Relationship, Relationship Advice

by Gladys Diaz

Do you know anyone– maybe a girlfriend – who seems desperate when it comes to dating?

Have you ever been on a date with someone and you could just feel the desperation coming off of them? (Yes, men can put of these vibes, too!)

Maybe you’re the one that feels like you get weird when you’re interested in someone, and maybe you feel like, no matter how hard you try, all you ever do is push men away?

Think about this for a minute… Are you operating out of Desperation or Desire?

The feeling of desperation comes from FEAR.

You feel like it’s not going to happen for you, or that it’s going to be hard.

You worry about what to say, what not to say, why he’s not texting, if you should text first.

The truth is that you’re in a scarcity mindset, which has you think that every guy HAS to be the one, so you MUST make it work.

Sound familiar?

When you’re operating out of desire you feel FREE.

You’re aligned with what turns your heart on and you know you can be yourself and be loved for just that.

You’re clear about what you want and your behavior, words, and being all align with creating that.

Operating out of desire is how you manifest what you want. It is the only way that works.

When you stop operating out of fear and desperation, everything in life changes. Everything.

The thing is, you might not even realize that FEAR is what is driving you.

You may think that because you’ve made your checklist for your perfect man that you know what you want and that desire is driving you, but listen up, because this may surprise you.

And, by the way, desperation isn’t a single’s-only phenomenon. Women in relationships act out of desperation, too!

Acting out of desperation looks like checking his things, dropping hints, being controlling or asking leading questions to manipulate your guy or get him to say or do something you want.

In dating, it might look like pursuing a man in dating – calling him, asking him on dates, suggesting you meet up, “coincidentally” showing up at a place he might be in hopes of running into him – all of this is pursuing.

Desperation can even look like sleeping with a man too soon, getting into a relationship before you know his character and his values or compromising your own values in order to get with him.

In a relationship, it can look like having to approve his every decision, trying to guilt him into doing things, and even trying to get him to talk when he prefers to go into his man cave.

When you’re coming from this place, you are in a state of scarcity. You’re afraid you’re not going to get what you want, so you WORK HARD to make sure that you do.

Desperation has a VERY STRONG energy associated with it, and men can feel it a mile away!

So how do you shift into the easy, breezy, flowy, energy that is so attractive to be around?

Recognize when you’re in fear. As humans, we’re always going to feel fear. Power comes from recognizing that fears are only thoughts and that it’s the fears that are causing you to do the things you don’t want to do.
Be CRYSTAL-CLEAR about what you want. When you know what you want, you can see right away when something (or someone) doesn’t align with that. Act out of intention and make adjustments to your behavior, communication, boundaries, etc., so that everything is in alignment with what you want to create.
BONUS Tip: It is not enough to desire to be “in a relationship.” Being crystal-clear means asking questions like: What type of relationship do you want? What do you want to experience inside that relationship? How do you want to feel? What types of things do you want to do together? The clearer you are, the more powerful the intention is.
Recognize where you are not aligned, and shift. What are you doing that’s not aligned with that you want? What are the ways of you being that you get to create inside yourself in order to be aligned with your desires? Do you want to be able to be yourself and not feel judged inside of a relationship? Then BE yourself and don’t judge others. BE the love you want to see!

Do You Feel Confident or Desperate?

by heartsdesireintl | Oct 25, 2019 | Coaching, Communication, Dating, keeping the love alive, Love, Relationship, Relationship Advice