Do you feel like you don’t know what’s best, or how to make the right decisions?
Do you feel like you can’t trust men? Your friends? Yourself?
That last one’s important, because… if you can’t trust yourself, how are you ever going to be able to trust anyone else?
The other day I was talking to a woman, and, as we were talking, the issue of trust just kept coming up. Finally, I asked, “How many times have you experienced someone cheating on you?” Her answer shocked me for someone for her age. It was over 5 times! As we continued talking, we discovered that the issue of infidelity was something that had been in her family for years. – Of course she has a hard time trusting men!
As women, our biggest need is to feel safe. How can we feel safe with others when we feel we can’t trust the person we’re with?
I was there, too. Because of the alcohol abuse, abandonment, and pretending that I engaged in during in my childhood to hide what was going on in our home from everyone around me, I had trouble trusting people. My thought was, “If I can’t trust my own mother, how am I ever going to trust anyone else, or even myself.
Because of that limiting belief, I wasn’t making the best decisions about who I was allowing into my life, and I kept attracting the wrong guys. I was dating terrible men – mean men who didn’t love, honor, or respect me.
When I started to do my HeartWork,I forgave my mom, my ex-boyfriends, and myself for the choices we had all made. Not long after that, I met Ric. He was so authentic! His honesty was something I found super-attractive. I took my time getting to know him, saw that I could trust myself to choose a good man, and the rest is history! How grateful I am that I learned how to trust??? Very!
Here’s the thing… if you’re feeling like you don’t trust others – especially men – then y consider that you don’t trust yourself.
So…How do you shift that?
Here’s the formula that Michelle and I use with our clients to help them know whether it’s their intuitionthat’s guiding them or if it’s their fears, limiting beliefs, and superstitions doing the talking.
It’s simple.
If it’s your intuition, then there is evidence of it around you.
If it’s your fears, limiting beliefs, and superstitions then you’re making up the evidence.
What if you can’t tell the difference?
Give yourself some space. Detach from the situation a little bit so that you can see what’s actually happening and what’s not happening.
Take a look and see if maybe you’re making something up that’s not actually happening in reality?
Is a memory being triggered?
Are you choosing to ignore something that is happening?
Are you crossing and not honoring your own boundaries for someone else?
When you take a step back and look at it with new eyes, I promise you you’ll be able to hear what your intuition is telling you!
And then you get to trust it and yourself to make the choice that’s right for you!
If you’re having a lot of trouble trusting others and don’t know where to start, start by forgiving yourself for the choices you’ve made in the past and give yourself permission to move on! Because the time is now.
There are 88 days left in 2019.
Eighty-eight!
Are you living the Love Resolution you made at the beginning of the year?
Are you where you want to be on December 31st, or is there a gap?
If you’re not there yet, the good news is that THERE ARE STILL 88 days to create a real shift!
We have a client who just got a promise ring from her man, and another that is getting married next week! There is still time for YOU to create the love of your dreams in 2019.
If you’re not sure where to start, click here to schedule a complimentary call with us about The Ready to Love Again Program, a 12-month coaching program for single women who want to attract the right man and create the relationship of their dreams (enrollment closes October 8th, so don’t wait!):
Just a quick note: the only way to reserve a spot in the program is to chat with us, so that together, we can determine whether it’s a good fit for you, right now.
You get to create that love for yourself and what better time than right now?
It’s one of the most vulnerable feelings in the world!
And I have to admit that I do not like feeling that way… at all!
So, it goes without saying that the last couple of weeks – between prepping for, living through, and cleaning up after Hurricane Irma –have been a bit challenging, to say the least.
(Before I go on, I just want to say that, if you or your loved ones were affected by the storm – or any of the storms and natural disasters that have been impacting us lately – know that you are in Michelle’s and my prayers and that we hope you are safe and that you have not experienced too much damage or displacement.)
Going through the storm brought up so many fears and anxieties.
There is something about the feeling of helplessness that comes with not knowing what to expect, what is coming next, whether what you have done to prepare is enough, and what will happen to the people you love and your possessions.
I spent days running around, going from store to store, looking for the most basic things, like water, only to find that the shelves were bare, no one could tell me when a new shipment would arrive, and wondering if what we had at home was enough. It was so scary to see that some of the things I was taking for granted would be there when I got to the store were gone and not knowing whether I would be able to get the things I knew I needed to take care of my family.
Then came the actual storm – the howling wind; the terrifying alarm on our weather radio, letting us know that there was yet another tornado in the area, and the sound of the trees in our backyard cracking and crashing to the ground.
And, all the while, there were the fearful thoughts:
What do I do? Have I done enough?
How long will this last?
Will we be okay?
What’s interesting is that those feelings of helplessness don’t only come up around nature’s storms.
You feel them during life’s storms, too.
When you’re going through a breakup…
When you keep attracting and experiencing heartache after heartache…
When you see your relationship is falling apart…
Those same feelings of fear, uncertainty, and wondering whether what you have done is enough to prevent further pain and disappointment is enough fill us and can shake us to our core.
So, what can you do during life’s storms to not have fear and anxiety take over and rob you of your peace and happiness?
1. Stay present. I know this one is sometimes easier said than done, but it is the FIRST step in reducing fear and anxiety. Why? Because fear is always a “future experience.” While you may be afraid of repeating something that happened in the past, the fact is that what you fear is that it will happen again, in the future.
What’s more, fear is never “real.” It is only ever an imagined thought.
Now, hear me out on this. Am I saying that what you fear will never happen?
No.
What I am saying is that 99.999% of the time, the thing that you fear and/or are anxious about isn’t something that is actually happening right now, in the present moment. Instead, your thoughts are about what you are afraid may or may not happen in the future.
The problem with this is that, while you are imagining something that may or may not happen in the future, you are allowing it to rob you of your peace in the present.
So, the only way to interrupt the fearful thought pattern is to remind yourself that here and now, in the present moment, you are safe and the thing that you are thinking of is not actually happening.
This practice is life-changing.
Left unattended, fearful thoughts will rob you of your peace, of your ability to appreciate and experience what you DO have, and block future happiness – and love – from making its way to you.
This is why developing a powerful and empowering relationship with your fears is one of the first things we teach our clients when they begin working with us.
Imagine how incredibly empowering it would be to learn how to distinguish, dismantle, and replace a fear in 60 seconds or less!
As I said: Life-Changing!
2. Focus on what you CAN control.During the storm, there were many things I could not control – the force, sound, or direction of the wind; the path the storm was taking, the power going out or coming back on.
There were, however, many things I WAS able to control: Making sure our home was safe; ensuring we had enough food, water, and ice; being calm and strong for my kids.
Similarly, during life’s storms, there are things you can’t control, such as whether or not someone calls you or asks you out on a second date; how your partner chooses to feel; what your guy wants to say or do.
However, there are many things you can control, such as your thoughts, words, actions and reactions; what you allow to upset or trigger you; the feelings and thoughts you choose to have and how you choose to express them.
When you begin focusing your time, energy, and attention on the things you CAN control, you begin to feel more peaceful, confident, and empowered. You are not at the mercy of the storm. Instead, you get to choose how you will navigate through it with dignity, ease, and grace.
3. Ask for and receive help.This is another one that can be difficult, especially for powerful, successful women. You’re used to being strong, the one in charge, the one people come to for help and answers to their questions. Asking for help makes you feel vulnerable, because you can make it mean that you’re not strong or capable enough to do things on your own. You fear that the vulnerability may be interpreted as weakness or incompetence.
However, quite the opposite is true!
It takes so much courage, authenticity, and inner strength to reach out for help. It takes even more of these to accept and receive the help.
I can’t tell you how many people I offered to come stay with us so they could have air-conditioning once our power came back, to take the water we had left over when they shared that they were under a boil-water order, and to use our generator when their power was still out. What I can tell you is that every one of these offers was not accepted at least once!
I heard responses like, “I’m used to toughing things out,” “I’m okay with sacrificing,” “Don’t worry about me. I’ll figure something out” – even after a week of not having power or being able to drink or use the tap water!
And so many powerful women do the same thing during life’s storms!
You don’t reach out for help or support so that you won’t seem weak.
You believe that struggling and “suffering” through the heartache is somehow “noble” or makes you stronger.
You deny help and support because you feel as if you “should be able to figure this ‘relationship thing’ out on my own.”
And, so, the suffering, pain, and heartache persist – many times for much longer than is necessary – when, instead you could turn the situation around, end the suffering, and begin enjoying the love and happiness much, much sooner, which is what youreally want.
There’s no honor or glory in unnecessary martyrdom or sacrificing.
Instead, reach within, acknowledge that you could use some help, a shoulder to cry on or a listening ear, the right guidance to help you get to the other side of the storm with the results your heart desires.
Life’s storms will come. You don’t have much choice in that… That part’s not “optional.”
What you can choose is to face the storm with peace of mind and heart, strength, and the commitment to get to the other side of it.
What is optional is whether or not you make the time you spend in the eye of the storm peaceful, short-lived, and empowering.
I know what my choice is!
Let me know if there is any way I can support you with yours!
There’s a real problem affecting women – especially smart, successful women like you – and it pushes good men away.
See, there’s something that many powerful women don’t realize that they are doing to self-sabotage their relationships. And the energy being given off by doing this is like “relationship kryptonite”!
What is it?
It’s leaking masculine energy in the form of control!
Now, before you bounce off the page or get triggered, let me explain, because, if you’re not in a happy, intimate relationship right now, and you knew you could learn what you can stop doing to sabotage your love life and happiness, isn’t that worth just a few minutes of your time?
Here’s the deal.
More than anything, a good man – the kind of man who is interested in loving, supporting, and spending his life with an amazing woman like you – wants one thing more than anything else. (And, no, it’s not sex!)
See, one of a good man’s greatest superpowers is his need to make the woman that he cares about happy. Honestly, it’s like a drug he can’t get enough of when he sees that you are smiling and he knows that hehad something to do with the smile on your face!
Now, perhaps you don’t believe me, especially if this hasn’t been your experience with men – or the man you’re with.
However, consider that there may be somethings you’re doing to either attract the kind of man who isn’t interested in making you happy, or you may subconsciously and unintentionally saying and doing things that stop him from being able to make you happy.
It’s true. Many of the things you are doing to kill a man’s desire to make you happy are happening subconsciously.
This means you’re not even aware of what you’re doing to self-sabotage your relationships!
And that’s why, unless you learn exactly what is pushing away a man’s desire to be with and please you, it’s virtually impossible for you to stop doing it so that you can turn things around in your love life and have the kind of relationship you really want!
Thesubconscious ways women sabotagetheir romantic relationships and what to do instead
Thekey steps you can take to remain in your powerand still get the love you want
Theeffortless ways you can draw a man, his attention and affection to youso that you can feel deeply connected to him
As a smart, successful woman, you know that getting what you want means, not only knowing exactly what to do, but how to get it in the easiest, most effective way! And that’s exactly what I’m going to teach you on this online class, so make sure you grab your spot now!
You can’t change something you can’t see. If you’re not in the happy, loving relationship you truly want, and you want to learn the fastest, most effortless way to have that, make sure you join us for this online class!
One of the great things about being a smart and successful woman is that you often have the experience of accomplishing your goals and dreams.
If there is one thing that I’ve found to be true about successful women is that we tend to set goals, create a plan of action to reach those goals, and make sure that we hold ourselves accountable to meeting those goals!
Then there is that wonderful feeling of satisfaction that comes with knowing that there was something you wanted and you did everything in your power to have it!
Priceless!
I wonder then, why so many successful women often feel that they are “too busy” for love. It seems as if everything associated with their professional “success” – finishing school, doing well at work, making more money – takes priority over having a happy, loving, fulfilling romantic relationship.
And it’s not only single women, by the way!
I’ve worked with way too many successful women who are either married or in relationships that either work their way right out of their relationships or are barely paying attention to what is happening in their relationships (usually, because the writing is on the wall that things are not going as well at home as they are at work).
Look, I’m not judging.
I’ve fallen into the very same trap where growing my business, finishing a project, or reaching my next goal took precedence over everything, including my relationship. The “busy-ness” of my business and achieving my goals had me choosing to spend more time working than snuggling on the couch with my husband, playing and having fun kids, neglecting to make time for myself, and just taking time to breathe.
And, while, I may have appeared “successful” to everyone around me, the truth is that when things are not working in my relationship or personal life, I don’t feel successful, no matter how much money I’m making, how many clients I’m helping, or how much recognition I get from my colleagues.
To me, real success is about being fulfilled in every area of my life.If even one area is being neglected, then I’m not being truly successful, because I’m sacrificing fulfillment in one area of my life for another.
Here’s what you need to know:
When it comes to being a successful women, there is never going to be a time when you’re not going to be busy or up to something big!
It’s just not who you are.
There is never going to be a time where you’re not growing, expanding yourself, or making a difference.
So, if you’re telling yourself that you have to wait until things calm down, or until you finish your next certification, or until you get your business off the ground, or until you achieve the next goal so that you can have time for dating or to work on your relationship, I hate to break it to you, but:
If you’re single, you’re simply extending the amount of time you’re going to be alone, without the support and love of a man who can champion you and help you during the tough times so that you can celebrate the big wins together!
If you’re in a relationship, by not giving your relationship the time and attention it needs, you’re simply ignoring the fact that things are not going to get better on their own. If things have been slowing fizzling or falling apart, ignoring the real issues is only making things worse. Wouldn’t you prefer to have your man by your side, cheering you on and supporting you, rather than pulling away from you?
So, what’s the solution?
How do you go about accomplishing what you need to accomplish in your career AND having an extraordinary love life?
Well, think about what you do when you want to achieve one of those ever-present goals in your career or business. What do you usually do? You create a plan!
Here’s how you create a plan to make your love life and your happiness a priority in the midst of a busy life!
1. First, you set an intention. An intention is set in the present and is aligned with your beliefs and desires.
What is the overarching, ultimate desire of your heart when it comes to your love life or relationship that you desire to have and experience NOW?
2. Second, you set a goal. A goal is a fixed outcome or set of results that you want to achieve in the future.
What is an outcome or result you would like to achieve in the future?
By when will you achieve this result?
How will you know that you have achieved it?
3. Third, you create a plan of action. What steps will you take that are aligned with your intention and the goals you have set.
What clear and specific actions can I take everyday to ensure that I am moving toward achieving my goal?
Any time you faced with making a choice or decision about what you will or will not do, ask yourself:
“Is this moving me closer to or further away from my intention and desired outcome?
4. Fourth, you create a way to hold yourself accountable. Accountability is KEY to achieving any goal. The challenge, however, is that you already know that you are prone to putting your love life on the back burner. It’s your default choice when you get busy. If it were that easy to do it on your own, you’d be doing it already, right?
So, the best solution is to have a coach or mentor – someone who already has the results you wantand can help you work through what usually stops and gets in the way of you achieving this goal to help hold you accountable and support you when you feel like quitting or making excuses about how much time you don’t have for your love life.
The bottom line is, if you want to set yourself up for success, you need to make sure that you have an accountability system in place that includes someone who is NOT going to give you agreement that you’re too busy to focus on your love life. Anyone who does that is not standing for you to break through to the other side of this block and is only serving to keep you stuck where you are!
Who is someone who you can work with who will support, but not coddle or give you agreement when you begin making excuses and finding reasons to deviate from your goal and break your commitment to your intention?
5. Measure your progress. Measuring and celebrating your progress is what will have you consistently focused on achieving your goal. If you don’t give your love life or relationship daily time, attention and effort, please don’t be surprised when you are either still single by the goal date, or your relationship is in shambles.
You would NEVER leave an important goal or business deal “up to chance,” so don’t self-sabotage yourself and do that in your love life, either. Set yourself up for success and celebrate your successes every step of the way!
At the beginning of each day, set your intention for the day and the actions you will take to achieve your goal. Write them in your Love Journal.
At the end of each day, check to see which of the action steps you actually took.
Put a heart symbol next to each one that you were intentional about doing. Tell yourself, “Today I was 100% committed to having the happy, loving, fulfilling relationship my heart desires!”
Put a question mark next to each action step that you did not do. Ask yourself:
“What fear, action, or decision got in the way of me fulfilling on my heart’s true desire?”
Then move that action step to the next day’s list and hold yourself accountable to actually doing what you say you are committed to doing!
By creating a heart-centered intention to have a happy, loving, fulfilling relationship; setting goals aligned with that intention; designing a plan and taking action steps that are aligned with those goals; and creating a way to hold yourself accountable to fulfilling on your intention, each step you take and every choice you make will be taking another step closer to having the life, career, and LOVE your heart truly desires!
Remember, you don’t have to choose between a prosperous and fulfilling career OR having the an extraordinary romantic relationship. With the right plan, support and guidance, you can have EVERYTHING your heart desires and more!
Are you tired of attracting the wrong man into your life?
Does it feel as if you keep dating the same man with a different face, name, and body?
If it seems as if you keep repeating the same patterns and having the same experiences in dating and relationships, you’ll want to tune in and watch this video where I answer the question, “How do I stop attracting the wrong man?” which was submitted by one of the viewers who saw our Transformational Tuesday interview, “Getting Ready to Love Again,” with Deborah Deras!*
In this video, I explain what may be causing you to create the same experience over and over again in dating and relationships– even if it’s something you don’t want!
I also walk you through an exercise we do with our clients that helps them to distinguish what some of their Dysfunctional Patterns are so that they can begin to dismantle and deal with them powerfully!
If this video isn’t for you, but you have women in your life who you feel could benefit from the information, please share it with them. There’s nothing more loving you can do than to help another woman break a cycle that is causing her so much frustration and heartache!
After you watch the video, please leave your comments in the Comments section of the blog so that we can continue the conversation!
*P.S. The Transformational Tuesday interview with Deborah Deras received such a great response that we are doing an Encore Presentation tomorrow night, Tuesday, February 10th, at 10:00pm ET. There will be a simultaneous live Twitter Chat where we will answer your questions LIVE as they come in! It’s going to be transformational, informative, fun and FREE!
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