Heart's Desire Intl

Should I Stay or Should I Go?

by heartsdesireintl | Apr 24, 2020 | breakups, Coaching, Communication, Dating, Forgiveness, Heart's Desire International, Intimacy, keeping the love alive, Love, Marriage, Relationship, Relationship Advice, Self-Love

by Gladys Diaz

Should I stay or should I go?

Have you ever asked yourself that question?

If you’re asking yourself that, maybe a better question is: “Why am I staying?”

Maybe he’s not showing up the way he used to.

Maybe you’re not comfortable in the relationship and can’t be yourself.

Maybe there’s a lot of drama in the relationship and it’s exhausting.

Maybe it’s been this way for a long time and you know your life is passing you by.

Why…?

And by the way… this conversation doesn’t just exist when talking about relationships.

This conversation about being unclear or feeling “stuck” is relevant to just about any area of your life.

Maybe you’re staying in a job you don’t like and that’s not fulfilling.

Maybe your house doesn’t light you up or create the feeling of home.

Maybe you feel stuck in your business or a friendship.

Where in your life are you just surviving?

Where are you settling for less than you desire?

People stay in situations that are less than what they want because of FEAR. Fear of not knowing what the alternative will be like, if it will work out, and if they can handle it.

Staying comfortable in something less than desirable feels better (or seems safer) than the risk of stepping outside of your comfort zone to create something different.

Can you relate?

I know it was that way for me. I was married for over 12 years and at least the last three or four years of that relationship were spent knowing it wasn’t going to get any better. Did you hear me… four years!! I had major doubt that I could do it on my own, that I had what it took to leave and create something better.

At that time in my life I was doing the same exact thing in my professional life. I was in a job that I hated. But I had a false sense of safety and wasn’t doing anything about it out of fear.

Sound familiar?

So… should you stay or should you go?

First of all, if you are in a situation where you are in danger, where you experience moments of being afraid in your relationship, then there’s no question. You should go.

No woman should ever be in a situation where she feels afraid. If that’s you, please reach out for support.

Secondly, if you’re waiting for someone else to do something, or if you feel like you just can’t take the way things are for one more day, then it’s time to ask yourself, ”Why am I staying?”

The thing is this, most of the time, love is not what’s in question.

We hear stories from so many women and the first answer is always “Because I love him” or “Because we love each other.”

You can 100% feel that you love someone and not be in a relationship that is healthy, going somewhere, or what you really desire.

What’s really in question is whether you love yourself.

Do you love yourself enough to have what you desire?

And if you’re not clear on what you desire, do you love yourself enough to get crystal-clear about it so that you can find the courage to step out of what you’re settling for and open up the space for what you really want?

After my divorce, and after I finally did the Heartwork to learn how to love myself, I was clear that I didn’t ever again want to be with someone that wasn’t 100% sure they wanted to be with me. When I finally created that clarity for myself, everything changed.

Now for the question of whether you should stay.

You should stay if you feel safe and if you have a desire to make things work. Even if right now, you’re the only one saying she wants it to work, there needs to be a desire to change things.

We’ve worked with women who have completely redesigned their relationships. They have done the work on themselves in order to experience the relationship differently and create the relationship of their dreams inside the relationship they are already in.

So, if you find yourself in the question of whether you should stay or go, then the time is now to take action. No amount of complaining, talking about it, or hoping that it’s going to change on its own is going to change anything. You have to take committed action!

This is why we’re so excited to be inviting you to the Extraordinary Love NOW Masterclass, happening tomorrow, Saturday, April 25th at 12pm Eastern!

You will get training and coaching on your mindset, dating leadership coaching, ways of being, as well as relationship coaching, so that you can either step out or step further into the relationship you’re in to create the relationship of your dreams.

Grab your spot for the Extraordinary Love NOW Masterclass here!

In the search for love, YOU get to choose!

As you empower yourself with the right tools, you gain the power to create the relationship you really want and deserve.

We’re here for you!

How to “COVID-19 Proof” Your Relationship

by heartsdesireintl | Apr 13, 2020 | Coaching, Communication, Forgiveness, Heart's Desire International, Intimacy, Love, Marriage, Relationship, Relationship Advice

by Gladys Diaz

Is his breathing starting to drive you crazy?

Do you feel like you’re not getting any alone time?

Are you arguing about every little thing?

We ask these questions a little lightheartedly because we know feeling these things right now doesn’t mean you don’t love your partner. It’s simply that the stress in your relationship may be rising as you’re being forced to spend more time together than usual in what is probably starting to feel like a very confined space.

Also, with extra time and less distractions, the things you’ve been too busy or too distracted to address in your relationship are coming up.

The pressure may be starting to rise, and you may be feeling like you’re about to burst! (Remember those old pressure-cookers? The way they would whistle louder and louder meaning it was getting closer to the exploding point? Are you beginning to feel like that?!?)

You know, just the other day Arnie and I were having a conversation and I was starting to feel frustrated. It just didn’t feel like he was understanding my point of view and I was beginning to feel the pressure rising!

The conversation was starting to get a little heated, but then I remembered… “What if he just sees it differently?”

Remembering that people process information differently (especially men and women!) has the power to change everything. In those heated moments, it can be difficult to remember that , but it is so important!

So, what can you do to bring the stress level down a notch?

The different circumstances that we are all currently experiencing are magnifying the need to have good communication skills in place in your relationship, because, when you don’t have the skills you’ll either 1) withdraw from your partner, or 2) explode and word-vomit all over him!

Neither of these things will lead to the loving, connected, supportive relationship you want to have with your partner.

When it comes to communication there are three very important things to remember.

What you say.
How you say it.
The energy behind what you’re saying.

Let’s focus on that third one.

A large part of communicating effectively is thinking about how the message is going to be received. Now, you can’t control how the other person is going to hear what you’re saying, but you can be responsible for the intention and energy behind your words.

Before you speak, ask yourself, “What do I want to create in the space between us?”

Setting the intention of creating love, connection, and understanding before a heated conversation begins changes what happens during the conversation and the outcome drastically.

The second thing you can do if you’ve found yourself having a stressful conversation with your partner is take a step back and talk about what isn’t working from a neutral state by using nouns and verbs.

What does that look like?

Saying “When you did ____________ it made me ___________” doesn’t work, because it immediately sets your partner up to defend himself..

Instead, when you say, “What doesn’t work is yelling” or “What doesn’t work is blaming,” it changes the conversation. Instead of getting defensive, you are both able to identify what isn’t working and shift it.

And lastly, if things are getting heated and you’re not seeing a loving and productive way out of an impending blow-up, then call a time-out.

Take a 5-10 minute break to think about what the other person is saying and feeling. Stay awake in your relationship and allow time to process your own thoughts and feelings before continuing the conversation, if needed.

It’s also important to allow for disagreements.

Like I shared in the example above, sometimes we are just going to see things differently. You are two completely different human beings with your own thoughts, opinions, and beliefs. Remember that many of those differences are the things that attracted you to one another, so allow for the disagreements, making respect a top priority in your communication, even when you don’t see eye-to-eye on something.

All of these communication skills work really well in romantic relationships, and you can also practice them with everyone in your life.

It is not enough just to know what to do. As Tony Robbins says: Knowledge is only potential power., you get to do it.

Knowledge only has the power to transform and make a difference when it is used effectively. So, use these skills with your partner, with your kids, with your co-workers.

We are all under pressure right now, and that doesn’t mean our relationships have to break down.

If you have a specific issue you’d like to discuss with your partner, and you’re not sure how to do it in a way that leads to more love and partnership, we’re opening up extra spots on our calendar to help you prepare for and have the conversation in a way that will lead to more love, connection, and partnership with the man you love.

Simply click below and schedule a Love Breakthrough Session, and we’ll walk you through exactly what to say and do so that you can communicate and connect with your partner now.

Click here to schedule a Communication Love Breakthrough Session.

We are going to get through this, and we’re going to get through it together.

If You’re Not Growing, You’re Choosing To Stay Stuck

by heartsdesireintl | Mar 27, 2020 | Coaching, Communication, Dating, HDI Blog, Heart's Desire International, Love, Ready to Love Again, Self-Love, Success

by Gladys Diaz

“I’m having a hard time sleeping at night.”

“Focusing during the day feels nearly impossible.”

“I feel unsettled.”

“I feel helpless and powerless.”

These are some of the things we’ve been hearing from women this week.

Have you been feeling at all similar?

With what feels like our whole world turned upside down over the last couple of weeks, we want you to know that we are right there with you. We’re living in the same world as you, experiencing the same situations and circumstances that the rest of the world and country are dealing with at this time.

You truly are not alone.

And, although we may not have much control over our situation or circumstance right now, the thing we do have control over is how we choose to deal with it.

There is no better time than right now to master your mindset!

What does that look like?

Feel what you need to feel. Mastering your mindset doesn’t look like brushing things under the rug or pretending you don’t feel the way you feel. Acknowledge where you’re at and allow yourself to be there for a minute… Just don’t stay there.
Shift. Ask yourself “What I do so that I can deal with this in an empowered way?”

For example, maybe you’re feeling like dating is out the window right now. Maybe you’re using COVID-19 as a distraction to stop you from moving forward. Or maybe you’re feeling depressed that you’re finally ready to date, and now you can’t leave your house.

Did you know that, while 25% of Americans are staying inside their homes right now, Bumble has seen a 23% increase in Seattle and New York (two of the cities that have been hit the hardest and that are being ordered to stay inside). And those numbers aren’t just reflecting swiping. These are people engaged in conversations.

Men are saying that they have had such a hard time making the shift to online dating, because they were so afraid of not getting a response, and now it’s all there is, so they are being bolder! We are hearing the most fun stories from our clients who are getting creative with dating — having Facetime dates, grocery store dates, and picnics where they are keeping the 6-foot recommended distance — and moving forward with it anyways.

Life is still happening.

Even though we may be stuck inside and getting used to our new normal, life is still happening around us and we can choose to create the things we’ve always wanted now.

The world is coming together right now. This is the most worldwide impactful event since WWII.

Yes, there is uncertainty, and, where there is uncertainty, fear will be triggered.

The thing is…. Humans are resilient.

There’s a reason why we’re still on this earth and dinosaurs aren’t!

The human spirit has a natural instinct to adapt and keep moving forward, even under the hardest of circumstances. We feel a pull to keep growing and moving forward, no matter what.

So, what are some things you can do to shift?

For example, earlier this week, I was having a hard time focusing, so I went outside with my beach chair, a small table, my laptop, my Bible, and my books, and felt an immediate shift.

I’ve been taking daily walks that I time precisely so that I can see the sunset. It’s amazing how such simple things can make such a difference!

And, I’m immersing myself in books, videos, and audios that are focused on empowerment, prosperity, and faith!

Here are some ideas we’ve gotten from women we’ve been speaking with:

Go for a walk and pick some wildflowers from your neighborhood.
Take extra time to practice self-care – do your own nails, give yourself a facial, light some candles and relax.
Read all the books you never made time to read before!
Pray and meditate.
Listen to positive podcasts.
Cook your favorite foods.
Purge clothes and organize your house.
Dance to your favorite music.
Create a cozy space in your home you can escape to when you need some space.

Many things may be cancelled, but life is not!

Another thing that’s not cancelled is having meaningful conversations and connecting with others in creative ways.

Neither are your dreams. You still get to have the life and love you’ve always wanted. Don’t let fear or social distancing try to cheat you out of believing that!

If you’d like to talk about how this time can be an opportunity for you, instead of a block, let’s hop on a call and have a conversation about what you can do for yourself and for your dreams right now, regardless of what’s going on around you!

Book a Love Breakthrough Session Now

Our prayers for peace are with you.

Are You Ready to be Liberated from Anxiety?

by heartsdesireintl | Mar 6, 2020 | breakups, Coaching, Dating, Getting engaged, Heart's Desire International, heartache, keeping the love alive, Love, Self-Love

by Gladys Diaz

Do you have a fear of abandonment?

If you’re dating, do you constantly fear that no man will stick around, causing you anxiety and stress through the process?

If you’re in a relationship or married, do you torment yourself with thoughts that he’ll cheat or leave?

Do you feel like it doesn’t matter how much they tell you that they’re going to stay, you still worry?

If so, then you most likely have a fear of abandonment.

And this doesn’t mean that you have a parent that left you… though it might. Any experience of feeling like someone left you, any experience as a child or teenager, can leave you with this fear.

For me, our Dad died when we were 3 years old. My mom told us that he had “gone to live with the angels” but my little 3-year old brain didn’t understand what that meant. I just wondered what would make my dad leave me? That was the beginning of my abandonment fears.

Then, when we were 15, we went to live with other relatives because my mother, who had been diagnosed with bi-polar disorder and alcoholism (not a good combination!) left. I wondered why my mother didn’t love us? Did she love alcohol more?

And that fear of separation and abandonment was reinforced.

Because of those experiences a few behaviors were created. I became very needy. I constantly needed others to validate me and reassure me of their love. I had a need to prove how great I was and often found that in order to do that I had to pretend to be something I wasn’t. I was super jealous in relationships and would create unnecessary drama.

In every relationship, I created one of two things. Either they would leave or I would leave before they could get the chance.

I was never getting to experience true intimacy in a relationship because I wasn’t allowing myself to go there.

Can you relate?

Here’s the thing. High-quality, integritous, confident men will not put up with this in a relationship. No matter how much they love you. If a man constantly feels like you don’t trust him or that he can’t make you happy, it affects his confidence and he will eventually withdraw or leave altogether.

Through your behavior you are actually creating the very thing you fear.

So how do you overcome this fear before it destroys your relationship?

Ask yourself – Who am I being in my life and this relationship that has me think that it’s so easy to pick up and leave me? – Asking yourself this question really opens up for you to explore the responsibility for your behavior. It also will help you to uncover what happened that had you make the decision that you were and will continue to be abandoned.
Resolve – completely accept the reality of what happened. – For me that was 1. My dad died and 2. My mom needed help and had to leave. Those are the facts. That is the truth without any of my meaning-making behind it. Once you can 100% accept the reality of what happened you can step into your power.
Dismantle the underlying beliefs. – Once you have uncovered the core belief, where it came from, and resolve it for yourself, you can uncover the other limiting beliefs about yourself. Once I accepted the reality I started to get that I am loveable. I will be okay. I am worth sticking around for.

And that’s when relationships started to get good.

Because the truth is… love is not enough. Relationships take love, respect, communication and trust to work.

So… will you do the HeartWork? And if you need support will you schedule a call with us? Sometimes this is tough work that having support could make all the difference for you! What if you could liberate yourself from fear and anxiety in your relationships? How much would that be worth to you?

Book a Love Breakthrough Session Now

Are You Being Used?

by heartsdesireintl | Jan 11, 2020 | Coaching, Communication, Dating, heartache, Infidelity, Intimacy, Love, Ready to Love Again, Relationship, Self-Love

by Gladys Diaz

Are you afraid of being taken advantage of by men?

Do you seem to consistently attract men that “need” something”?

Do you feel like men only want sex from you and that once they have gotten it, they disappear?

Is your experience that men always need your “fixing”?

If this seems to be your experience in dating and relationships, know that you are not alone. In our work with thousands of women, this is the #1 limiting belief that women have about men and relationships.

And the thing is, for those with this fear, it is 100% real to them.

That’s why we wanted to share this message first thing in this new year!

If this is what you are experiencing or feel like you are experiencing — basically if this is your paradigm for relationships — it’s because you’ve had an experience in the past that created this belief.

Warning signs that you have this belief are that:

you have the experience of over-giving and not receiving back a relationship
you feel as if you’re being used for sex
you’re helping a man “gets back on his feet,” or being used financially
you feel like you must be “needed” in order for someone to love you, and that if they don’t “need” you, then they will leave you

Think about your last 3-4 relationships? Was this showing up?

If these signs have shown up in three or more of your past relationships, then there’s a pattern that needs shifting!

This pattern comes from a belief that you created because of a past experience.

And that belief was most likely created years before your first date.

One example of something you may have experienced as a child is having something happen that led you to believe you had to DO something EXTRA in order to be loved.

When you have this belief, you will attract men who need you, need help, need support, and you feel like you are always the one doing the helping or “fixing.”

So ask yourself –

Are you noticing these patterns in your relationships?

Are you having painful experiences in dating?

OR are you holding yourself back and not having experiences with men because of this fear?

The first step to shifting fears is to recognize that they are present, so be honest with yourself here.

If this sounds like you, then start to pay attention to these things when you are dating…

Are you over-giving? Are you giving to another person to the point that you are not honoring yourself?
Are you taking time to really get to know someone? Are you holding back in a healthy way so you don’t give too much too soon? Are you giving yourself the opportunity of time to get to know someone so you know that can trust the other person and his intentions?
Are you looking for consistency in words and actions in the men you are dating?
Are you feeling safe to be generous and give love freely because you are receiving in return?

Sometimes you need help recognizing these patterns in your life. We want you to know that so much of the pain you experience in love, dating, and relationships is unnecessary and avoidable!

If you feel like this is a belief you have, and you’re having a hard time recognizing or shifting the pattern, let us help you do the HeartWork to break past it.

You get to be loved freely, and to be loved freely in return.

And you don’t have to do it alone.

Schedule a Love Breakthrough and set yourself free!

Book a Love Breakthrough Session Now

Are You Ready To Set Your Dreams On Fire?

by heartsdesireintl | Dec 20, 2019 | Coaching, Dating, Love, Ready to Love Again, Self-Love, Success

by Gladys Diaz

Here we are at the closing of another year, and this year it’s a little bit of a bigger deal. It’s also the closing of a decade!

As you look forward to ringing in this new year (and new decade!) let me ask you a question.

And be honest with yourself here.

Are you where you thought you would be when it comes to love?

While talking to a woman the other day, she realized that it had been 11 years since she’d been in a relationship. It’s been an entire decade since she experienced love!

When we think about it in terms of years, it really puts it into perspective doesn’t it?!

Now, I don’t tell you this or ask you the question to depress you or make you feel bad.

I simply know that if the topic of love is important to you (and I know it is, because you’re reading this), then it’s probably something you gave some thought to as you entered into 2019.

And if you’re not where you thought you would be by now, it’s probably on your mind for 2020.

There is a powerful opportunity for you here to have an honest conversation with yourself about where you are and where you want to go. It matters to you and it gets to happen this decade and even this year!!

I invite you to go through the following exercise, RIGHT NOW!

Take out a piece of paper and take just a few minutes to answer the questions and think about what you yearn to create. Be crystal-clear about how you feel about what you want.

I heard recently, “Our actions are our prayers to heaven.” What are your actions saying about what you really truly want?

New Year, New Decade Personal Inventory Exercise

1. Look at where you thought you’d be. Whether you’re single or in a relationship, where did you think you’d be in December 2019?

Write it down. Be very clear and as descriptive as possible.

Did you think you’d be in a committed, loving relationship?

Did you think you’d be spending Christmas with someone you love?

Did you think you’d be traveling with this person?

Did you think your relationship would be more passionate by this time this year?

Be very honest with yourself here. And remember: Our brains are designed to look for what’s going to protect you, not what will actually make you happy. So there’s no right or wrong answer here, just make sure you are being very honest with yourself.

2. Where are you now, compared to where you thought you’d be?

Is it the same? Better? Worse than you thought?

Have you even thought about it this year?

Have you distracted yourself with other things because it hurts too much to try?

Do you feel like you’re okay, but really you’re just surviving because you don’t have what you really yearn for?

Again, be really honest here. If you continue to make it “okay,” even if it’s not what you really want, nothing will ever change.

3. Now that you’ve compared, honesty, where you thought you’d be to where you actually are… what’s missing? What’s in the gap?

Get honest with yourself. Admit that you’re tired of it being this way.

And look at yourself. What needs to shift?

Get curious about what is in the way.

Note: It’s not that the guy is the thing that’s missing…. What gets to shift inside you so that you can create what you want to create in love?

4. The last step is to write your vision about where you want to be.

Where do you want to be in December 2020? A year from now, what will you have created?

What does it look like?

How does it feel to be in that kind of relationship?

How will you know that you’re exactly in the place you want to be?

Write it down.

Maybe what you write now is different from what you thought you wanted last year. That’s okay.

You’ve had experiences this year, you’ve grown, you’ve learned.

Or maybe you haven’t and you feel stagnant.

Either way, honor where you’ve come over the last year, and based on where you are today, write what it is that you want to create now.

How did that feel? How was that exercise for you?

We really hope you took the time to do it, because it’s powerful. It’s only in knowing what we want and seeing what’s in our way that we can overcome the blocks and create it!

That’s why we’ve opened up just a few more Love Breakthrough Sessions on our calendars before the end of the year. Because what’s in the way isn’t always something you can see on your own. Sharing your vision and your gaps with someone who can guide and give you the exact steps you can take to overcome the obstacles and truly create what you want can make all the difference between staying where you are now or actually being in the relationship you dream of at this time next year..

Make sense?

That’s why we’re here.

1) To be another set of eyes, eyes experienced in love, to really help you to see what’s in your gap.

2) we’re here to help you get to where you want to be without having to experience some of the pain that we have experienced or that we’ve seen others experience. We get to coach you to create the love you desire and create it NOW.

Book a Love Breakthrough Session Now

Make 2020 the year you set your dreams on fire!

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