It’s one of the most vulnerable feelings in the world!
And I have to admit that I do not like feeling that way… at all!
So, it goes without saying that the last couple of weeks – between prepping for, living through, and cleaning up after Hurricane Irma –have been a bit challenging, to say the least.
(Before I go on, I just want to say that, if you or your loved ones were affected by the storm – or any of the storms and natural disasters that have been impacting us lately – know that you are in Michelle’s and my prayers and that we hope you are safe and that you have not experienced too much damage or displacement.)
Going through the storm brought up so many fears and anxieties.
There is something about the feeling of helplessness that comes with not knowing what to expect, what is coming next, whether what you have done to prepare is enough, and what will happen to the people you love and your possessions.
I spent days running around, going from store to store, looking for the most basic things, like water, only to find that the shelves were bare, no one could tell me when a new shipment would arrive, and wondering if what we had at home was enough. It was so scary to see that some of the things I was taking for granted would be there when I got to the store were gone and not knowing whether I would be able to get the things I knew I needed to take care of my family.
Then came the actual storm – the howling wind; the terrifying alarm on our weather radio, letting us know that there was yet another tornado in the area, and the sound of the trees in our backyard cracking and crashing to the ground.
And, all the while, there were the fearful thoughts:
What do I do? Have I done enough?
How long will this last?
Will we be okay?
What’s interesting is that those feelings of helplessness don’t only come up around nature’s storms.
You feel them during life’s storms, too.
When you’re going through a breakup…
When you keep attracting and experiencing heartache after heartache…
When you see your relationship is falling apart…
Those same feelings of fear, uncertainty, and wondering whether what you have done is enough to prevent further pain and disappointment is enough fill us and can shake us to our core.
So, what can you do during life’s storms to not have fear and anxiety take over and rob you of your peace and happiness?
1. Stay present. I know this one is sometimes easier said than done, but it is the FIRST step in reducing fear and anxiety. Why? Because fear is always a “future experience.” While you may be afraid of repeating something that happened in the past, the fact is that what you fear is that it will happen again, in the future.
What’s more, fear is never “real.” It is only ever an imagined thought.
Now, hear me out on this. Am I saying that what you fear will never happen?
What I am saying is that 99.999% of the time, the thing that you fear and/or are anxious about isn’t something that is actually happening right now, in the present moment. Instead, your thoughts are about what you are afraid may or may not happen in the future.
The problem with this is that, while you are imagining something that may or may not happen in the future, you are allowing it to rob you of your peace in the present.
So, the only way to interrupt the fearful thought pattern is to remind yourself that here and now, in the present moment, you are safe and the thing that you are thinking of is not actually happening.
This practice is life-changing.
Left unattended, fearful thoughts will rob you of your peace, of your ability to appreciate and experience what you DO have, and block future happiness – and love – from making its way to you.
This is why developing a powerful and empowering relationship with your fears is one of the first things we teach our clients when they begin working with us.
Imagine how incredibly empowering it would be to learn how to distinguish, dismantle, and replace a fear in 60 seconds or less!
As I said: Life-Changing!
2. Focus on what you CAN control.During the storm, there were many things I could not control – the force, sound, or direction of the wind; the path the storm was taking, the power going out or coming back on.
There were, however, many things I WAS able to control: Making sure our home was safe; ensuring we had enough food, water, and ice; being calm and strong for my kids.
Similarly, during life’s storms, there are things you can’t control, such as whether or not someone calls you or asks you out on a second date; how your partner chooses to feel; what your guy wants to say or do.
However, there are many things you can control, such as your thoughts, words, actions and reactions; what you allow to upset or trigger you; the feelings and thoughts you choose to have and how you choose to express them.
When you begin focusing your time, energy, and attention on the things you CAN control, you begin to feel more peaceful, confident, and empowered. You are not at the mercy of the storm. Instead, you get to choose how you will navigate through it with dignity, ease, and grace.
3. Ask for and receive help.This is another one that can be difficult, especially for powerful, successful women. You’re used to being strong, the one in charge, the one people come to for help and answers to their questions. Asking for help makes you feel vulnerable, because you can make it mean that you’re not strong or capable enough to do things on your own. You fear that the vulnerability may be interpreted as weakness or incompetence.
However, quite the opposite is true!
It takes so much courage, authenticity, and inner strength to reach out for help. It takes even more of these to accept and receive the help.
I can’t tell you how many people I offered to come stay with us so they could have air-conditioning once our power came back, to take the water we had left over when they shared that they were under a boil-water order, and to use our generator when their power was still out. What I can tell you is that every one of these offers was not accepted at least once!
I heard responses like, “I’m used to toughing things out,” “I’m okay with sacrificing,” “Don’t worry about me. I’ll figure something out” – even after a week of not having power or being able to drink or use the tap water!
And so many powerful women do the same thing during life’s storms!
You don’t reach out for help or support so that you won’t seem weak.
You believe that struggling and “suffering” through the heartache is somehow “noble” or makes you stronger.
You deny help and support because you feel as if you “should be able to figure this ‘relationship thing’ out on my own.”
And, so, the suffering, pain, and heartache persist – many times for much longer than is necessary – when, instead you could turn the situation around, end the suffering, and begin enjoying the love and happiness much, much sooner, which is what youreally want.
There’s no honor or glory in unnecessary martyrdom or sacrificing.
Instead, reach within, acknowledge that you could use some help, a shoulder to cry on or a listening ear, the right guidance to help you get to the other side of the storm with the results your heart desires.
Life’s storms will come. You don’t have much choice in that… That part’s not “optional.”
What you can choose is to face the storm with peace of mind and heart, strength, and the commitment to get to the other side of it.
What is optional is whether or not you make the time you spend in the eye of the storm peaceful, short-lived, and empowering.
I know what my choice is!
Let me know if there is any way I can support you with yours!
Do you ever ask yourself, “Is there any hope for me? Will I ever really have the love and happiness I long for?”
If you have, you’re not alone.
I have been there. I have been in that dark and lonely place where I wondered whether I would ever truly be loved and whether the deep sadness that filled my heart would be filled with joy again.
It wasn’t until I looked inside my own heart to find why it was that I believed that I couldn’t and wouldn’t be loved and then took the steps to break through those disempowering thoughts that were causing the very loneliness and sadness I was feeling that I called in the love of my life!
Now, to see me today, you might never imagine that I had those kinds of thoughts. In fact, you might be under the impression that I’ve always been “lucky” and had a pretty easy life and healthy relationships.
Unfortunately, that wasn’t always true. There was a time in my life when I questioned whether I would ever truly love and be loved.
This is why I chose to share my story on Wednesday night’s teleclass: “The Self-Love Secrets Revealed.”
Truthfully, I hadn’t planned on going that deeply into my story, but I’m glad I did, because the feedback has been amazing!
Women created real shifts in their lives as a result of both the story and the exercise I led them through, so, while I also hadn’t planned on sending out the replay, given the feedback I’ve received, decided to go ahead and make the recording available to you.
Because most women keep wishing, hoping, and praying year after year for something to change in their lives, but they don’t take the steps they need to break through the heartache and create their heart’s desires.
And I know how empty and painful it can be when you desire to love and be loved, but you doubt whether you will experience that joy in your life. I also know the exact steps you can take to get to break through to the other side and have the love you want, because I took those same steps myself, so I KNOW they work!
If you are ready to finally have the love you want, carve out the time for yourself this weekend to listen to the replay.
So, grab a cup of something yummy, your notebook or journal, you colored pens, highlighters, and sticky notes, and give yourself the gift of this teleclass.
Once you’ve listened, if you’re truly inspired and ready to learn what your next steps should be, take me up on the invitation I make at the end of the call. I only have a few left, so don’t hesitate if you know that this is YOUR TIME.
If you are ready and willing to listen and take the steps, I promise that I will make sure you have the guidance you need to have a real breakthrough in your love life!
Imagine for a moment what it will be like when you are finally in the arms of the man who loves, adores, and wants nothing more than to make you happy and see you smile. THAT’S what’s waiting for you on the other side. And that’s what Michelle and I are committed to helping you attract and create into your life. So make the time, listen to the recording, respond to the invitation, and let’s break through this together!
Have you ever really wanted to break a habit or pattern you see happening over and over again in your life, but, no matter how hard you try to stop doing it on your own, no matter how many books you read, videos you watch or teleclasses you attend, you still find yourself doing the same things you promised yourself you would not do?
The same thing was true for one of my clients when it came to dating and relationships. I’ll call her Sophia, to protect her privacy.
Sophia didn’t necessarily have trouble attracting men. She would get asked out on dates and, sometimes, on multiple dates by the same guy.
The problem was that it seemed like the men she was attracting weren’t really interested in having committed relationships. They wanted to go out, have fun, and be sexually intimate, but they were not looking to have a committed relationship with her.
While it felt good to be asked out by men, this pattern of attracting men who did not want to have a long-lasting relationship with her made Sophia feel confused, frustrated, and used – especially if the man had said up front that he was looking for someone to be in a relationship, and even more so if she had been sexually intimate with him.
What Sophia discovered while we worked together was that the reason she was continuously finding herself in the same situation was not necessarily because every single man she was dating was not interested in a having a committed relationship.
It was becauseshe had a hidden belief that, if she slept with a man who was showing interest in her, that having that physical connection would somehow ensure that he would want to have more of an emotional connection with her.
What would happen, however, is that she would feel overly attached to the man, begin acting as if they were in a relationship, and subconsciously begin demanding more time, attention, and affection from the man.
What was even more surprising to her was that she also had a hidden belief that the man would eventually disappoint and leave her.
So, subconsciously, she was attracting men who would confirm for her the hidden belief that she would not find a man who would love and accept her without her having to sleep with him, and that, even when she did, he would still leave her.
Now, it’s important to understand that Sophia did not want to continue repeating the same patterns.
In fact, if you asked her, she would tell you the exact opposite of that.
However, because these beliefs were in her subconscious, they were hidden from her – in her blind spot – and she was continuing to attract the same kind of man, take the same actions, and experience the same heartache time and time again.
As we worked together, Sophia began to uncover more of the Love Barriers that were blocking her from attracting and receiving the kind of love she really wanted. As we did the HeartWork to remove those barriers, she began experiencing more success in dating – having more fun, attracting really great men who were interested in possibly having a relationship with her, and finally meeting a wonderful man with whom she is living out the love and life of her dreams.
If you’re like Sophia, and you are tired of trying to stop repeating the same patterns, or, worse, you’ve pretty much given up on finding the kind of love you want, then I want to encourage you and let you know that you, too, can have the kind of loving relationship you want with a man who is going to truly and deeply love you for the rest of his life!
But here’s the deal: You have to be willing to take the steps to uncover the hidden barriers that are in your blind spot, blocking you from attracting and having the relationship of your dreams. Otherwise, the self-sabotage will continue.
Trust me, if you knew what they were and how to stop allowing them to keep you repeating the same painful patterns, you would have already done it.
Sometimes it takes working with someone who can lovingly guide you to see what you haven’t been able to see on your own. Then, once the barriers have been uncovered, we can get to the work of breaking and replacing them with new thought and behavior patterns that will allow you to easily and effortlessly attract the love you desire into your life!
If you’re ready to stop “trying” and you want to really get past this once and for all, I’ve opened up a few spots on my calendar next week, and I’d be happy to help you have your love breakthrough!
Last week something happened to me that was really scary. I can honestly say that I hadn’t felt that scared in a long time.
I went back and forth about whether or not to share this publicly, but I think it’s important to be real and not give the impression that I’m invincible or that I don’t every have my share of “curve balls” thrown at me.
About 3 or 4 weeks ago, I started noticing a tingling sensation in my left arm, primarily from my elbow to my wrist, and, sometimes my fingertips. I spend a lot of time on my computer, and I’ve had Carpal Tunnel Syndrome a few times, so, when I looked up the symptoms and saw that Carpal Tunnel was a common cause of tingling in the arm, I assumed it was that.
I began to notice that I also felt tingling in my left leg, and then my right leg, in the outer shin area, and didn’t know what to make of that. However, it would come and go, so, while I was a bit concerned, I didn’t make a big deal about it.
Last Tuesday, however, I felt tingling and numbness on my face, neck, down my left arm and leg. After a few hours, I began to get concerned, so I went to Urgent Care. They recommended I go to the ER, and they proceeded to do various tests, scans, and MRIs, and recommended I stay overnight.
As I was laying down for them to conduct the CAT Scan, I began to worry.
What if this is something serious?
Why do they keep talking about “a stroke”?
Will I be able to take care of my children?
How will this impact my marriage?
What about my clients?
These thoughts were running through my head all at once, and I really had to do the work that we teach our clients to separate facts from fears, because the truth is that our mind will usually envision and play out the worst possible scenarios, and my mind, left to its own devices, is no exception!
So, I was being intentional, moment by moment, to not allow my fears to take over or take me down the slippery mental slope of imagining the very worst.
As I was going through all of this, I got really present to the fact that I truly want to LIVE!
I don’t just want to exist or survive.
I want to LIVE.
I want to LOVE.
I want to GIVE myself fully to my family and to this world and do the work that I know I was born to do as a woman, wife, mother, and coach.
And, naturally, I started thinking about you.
I literally said to God,
“Lord, there is still so much I feel I need to do.
What about all of the women who still haven’t met the love of their lives?
What about the women who are feeling sad and lonely in their relationships?
Please, allow me the opportunity to do the work You’ve called me to do.”
And, once I prayed that prayer, there was a peace that came over me. I can’t explain it. In that moment, I just KNEW with every fiber of my being that everything was going to be okay.
I still don’t know what caused the episode or why I still have some tingling in my arms and legs. However, I am working with a doctor to find out exactly what is going on and what to do to turn it around.
Why? Because I don’t want to pretend to the know the answers when I don’t, and I’m also not going to wait and see if things “fix” themselves on their own. I’m willing to do whatever it takes to heal anything that is out of alignment in my body so that I can continue living, loving, carrying out my mission, and making my dreams and other women’s dreams come true!
What about you?
I don’t know what curve balls life has thrown at you.
I don’t know what heartache or pain or fear you are experiencing right now.
But here is what I do know:
If you have a dream in your heart of living in a happy, loving, intimate relationship where you are loved and desired by a man who wants nothing more than to help make your dreams come true and you are not in that relationship yet, then part of my life’s mission is helping you create that relationship.
I know it can be scary when you’re not sure why things are going the way they are going and you don’t have all the answers you need to begin turning your love life around.
My invitation is that you not allow those fears to paralyze and take you out of the game. Don’t allow them to make you wonder if your dream is possible. IT IS!
And, if you don’t have the answers, then it’s time to begin working with someone who does – someone who can help you see what’s been getting in the way of attracting and having the love you want and who can help give you the exact steps you can take to begin transforming yourself and your love life so that you can finally experience the loving relationship your heart desires.
You deserve all the happiness and love your heart longs for. You truly do.
And if I can help you create it, thenwrite to me or leave me a comment and let me know how I can serve and support you, because you, your dreams, and your happiness matter to me!
I don’t know if you’re anything like me, but, when I feel there is a problem, I like to do anything I can to resolve it as quickly as possible.
This problem-solving skill serves me well when it comes to helping my clients get through difficult situations in their love lives and relationships. It’s also served me well as a businesswoman.
It doesn’t, however, always serve me well when it comes to my relationship with my husband.
See, what many women don’t realize is that while women’s brains are wired to almost instantaneously think, feel, and say what we are thinking and feeling, men’s brains are not. In fact, the female brain has 7 areas that connect feelings, emotions and words, while the male brain has 2 areas that are wired in this manner.
Now, that doesn’t mean that woman are any better or smarter than men. Our brains are wired differently for a reason.
Think about it… Men, at their origin, were hunters. If they did not kill the prey, the entire tribe would go hungry and die. They had to have laser-like focus. Feelings and emotions could not cloud their judgment. They had to think about one thing and one thing alone: getting food for the tribe.
The reason it’s important to know and understand this is because, if you’re like many women, when there is an issue concerning your relationship, you want to “talk” about it, and you want him to want to talk about them NOW!
Your man, on the other hand, may not want or be able to talk about it right at this moment, and, again, if you’re like many women, you may find yourself making this mean something about him and how he feels about the relationship.
For example, you may think to yourself:
If he really cared about me or us, he’d want to resolve this as soon as possible.
He obviously cares more about his work (or whatever he is doing) than me.
This relationship is clearly not a priority for him. Otherwise he would drop what he was doing and deal with this NOW.
I know it does to me!
In the past, when there was a problem in our relationship, I would want to discuss it, right here, right now, and then be shocked when my husband would say, “I don’t want to talk about this right now.”
Then things would go something like this:
Me: (In my head) What? Doesn’t he see how important this is? Clearly he doesn’t see how important this is!
Me: (Out of my mouth) But we need to discuss this. It’s important.
Him: I get that it’s important, but I don’t want to talk about it right now.
Me: (In my head) I can’t believe he doesn’t care about us!
Then I would proceed to keep emphasizing how important this was and how we needed to talk and how it couldn’t wait, and (you get the picture)… until, finally, he would blow up at me and storm out of the room, and then I’d really feel as if he didn’t care!
And that would lead to hours (and, sometimes, days) of stone-cold silence, anger, and unnecessary pain – for both of us.
The truth is that he did care. He does care. (And so does your guy!)
What happens, is that men need a little more time to process the information, especially when a slew of emotionally-charged information is being thrown at them.
What’s happening when your guy is not ready to talk about something is that he is processing the information he’s been given, or he is focused on something else that is important (not necessarily “more important” than you, which is what you may be making it mean), and he needs some time to process and get his thoughts together so that he can focus on the issue at hand before he can talk about it.
So, what do you do when there is something you want to discuss and your guy isn’t ready to talk right now?
1. Respect his preference.
I know it’s hard. This one can still be hard for me. Even this past weekend, my husband had to repeat to me that he didn’t want to talk about something before I could hear him. In the past, I would get upset because I felt ignored and uncared for. Now, I get that when he’s saying he doesn’t want to talk and I keep pressuring him to talk, he’s also feeling ignored and unheard, and this means that any conversation that takes place right then and there is probably not going to lead to a resolution.
2. Remind yourself that “not now” does not mean “never.”
One of the reasons I would panic and keep insisting on getting my husband to talk was because I feared that we would “never” discuss it, and that worried me. That fear and anxiety triggered my need to try to control the conversation (and him), which just led to him resisting the conversation (and me) even more. Now I remind myself that “not now” actually means “later,” not never, which helps me to calm down, step back, and allow both of us space to calm down and gather our thoughts so that, when we do talk, it leads to a win-win for us.
I will also say something like, “I understand that you don’t want to talk right now, and I respect that. Please know that I’m here when you’re ready to talk.” Sometimes we’ll even set a time to talk (after the kids go to bed, for example) so that we know that the conversation will, indeed happen.
3. Focus on something else.
I’ve found that focusing on something else – like going for a run, reading a book, playing a “mind-numbing” game on my phone, listening to something inspirational, or drawing – help me busy my mind so that I’m not hyper-focused on when the conversation will happen or what it will be like. By taking care of myself and my needs, I can control the only side of things that is ever mine to control: me. This allows me to relax, feel empowered, and not come from an emotionally-charged place when we finally do have the conversation.
4. Talk to someoneelse.
Talking to someone else – a girlfriend, sister, or your relationship coach – is also a great way to sort and work through your thoughts and feelings before speaking with your guy. Now, I will add a caveat here. It’s important that you be very selective when you choose who you are going to talk to about your relationship. Make sure that it is someone who is standing for your relationship to work, not someone who is going to bash your guy, take your side, or give you relationship or communication advice that is not for your highest good. If your friend is not in a happy, loving relationship, she may not be the best person to turn to. You want to share with someone who is going to love and support you and have you show up in your best light. This is where having a good relationship coach can make all the difference.
Otherwise, you’ll just be getting “advice,” and advice is usually shared from the other person’s own fears and doubts, as well as her patterns. Coaching, on the other hand provides you with the exact steps you can take to speak with love, be fully in your power, and seeking a win-win solution.That way, when you finally do have the conversation, you are not just talking about something that happened or needs to be resolved, but you are talking for something (resolution, peace, and the highest good for both of you in the relationship).
I know it’s not always easy to hit the “pause” button and not resolve something that is on your heart and mind.Uncertainty can trigger fear and sometimes fear gets the best of us and begin trying to push to try to get something to happen, rather than stepping back and allowing things to come together peacefully and naturally.
However, I promise you that if you follow these 4 steps, not only will that eventual conversation be a lot more peaceful, but you will also feel so much more empowered and connected to your guy when you know that you are coming together at the right time as partners seeking the best outcome, versus “enemies” seeking to prove their own point or get their own “win.” Because, by default, when only one person “wins” in a conversation or argument, the other person must “lose.” And, where there is true partnership, a win-win is always the best outcome.
It’s been over three weeks since The Irresistible Woman LIVE Event took place and there is still not a single day that goes by that Michelle and I do not receive an email, a text message, or a post in our Facebook group of someone sharing a new breakthrough, miracle, or manifestation that has occurred in her life as a result of having attended the event!
Here’s the fascinating thing. The event was only three days long, yet women are sharing life-altering changes. For example (and I am using intitials because these breakthroughs were shared in a private group:
C has experienced major breakthroughs in the ares of finances, her improv acting experiences, and in the attention she is receiving from a really high-quality man!
D is experiencing a whole new level of fulfillment in her relationship with her amazing boyfriend (who she met while participating in our Ready to Love Again Program!), in her career, and in her relationships with others. In fact, her friends and family are commenting on how happy and full of life and love she is!
Z. is finally pain-free after dealing with excruciating and chronic back and shoulder pain that doctors had been unable to diagnose and treat for over 2 years! And she had a wonderful trip with her family where she felt able to trust her husband and watched as he truly stepped up and made her feel safe, secure, and worry-free, in spite of some very unexpected and sometimes difficult situations they faced during the trip.
P. and her husband are completely falling in love with one another again. There is more love, communication and romance in their marriage (they even had a wonderful date night the other night!)
L. had a fantastic first date with a wonderful man is excited about dating again!
Y. was able to confidently and respectfully walk away from a dating experience that made her feel uncomfortable and did not match the experience she wants to have in a relationship.
So, what is it that allows this kind of shift to take place after an event that was only a few days long?
It’s the process we take women through in our events and programs that have them move from “receiving information” to “Creating Transformation.”
See, there is an overwhelming amount of information out there. You know there is.
You’ve read the books.
You’ve listened to the podcasts.
You’ve watched the videos.
You’ve even taken courses.
But, despite all of this information, you still feel stuck and continue repeating old patterns that keep you in a cycle of heartache.
You still can’t let go of your ex and move forward.
You still keep attracting the wrong kind of man into your life.
You still continue arguing with your partner about the same things.
You still feel frustrated and stuck and, at times, hopeless.
If all it took to create a real and permanent shift was information, or even having a powerful insight, you would have already made the changes you know you need to make.
However, it takes more than good information or content, or even a really powerful “a-ha” moment to take what you are learning and seeing about yourself and create a truly permanent change.
In our work, we help you not only distinguish and work through the fears, doubts, and limiting beliefs that are creating dysfunctional patterns in your life and love life. We also teach you how to replacethose Love Barriers with new and empowering thoughts, actions, and attitudes that allow you to create permanent, life-altering transformation in your life!
If you’re ready to learn more about this, check out the quick video I shot for you on Friday and then hit “reply” to this email and answer the 2 questions I ask you at the end of the video.
I will personally be reading and responding to each of the emails and I will be opening up a few spots on my calendar specifically to help you create your own Love Breakthrough Action Plan on a Love Breakthrough Session.
Obviously, there are not enough slots in my calendar to speak personally to all of the thousands of women who will be reading this email. However, I know that the truly committed women will watch the video, reply to this email, and be open to receiving your next best steps to create a true transformation in your love life.
If that is YOU, and you are READY to create true and permanent change in your life, and you are ready to do what it takes to make the necessary changes to create your own personal transformation, then all you have to do is:
Click reply and answer the 2 questions I ask at the end of the video.
Get ready to create a TRUE TRANSFORMATION in your love life!
Creating a true and permanent transformation does not have to be “hard.” It can be easy and effortless when you know exactly what steps you need to take and you have guidance from someone who can help you create the results you want. Let’s do this together!
Watch the video know and reply to send me your responses!
I can’t wait to read them and write back to you!
Creating a true and permanent transformation does not have to be “hard.” It can be easy and effortless when you know exactly what steps you need to take and you have guidance from someone who can help you create the results you want. Let’s do this together!
Watch the video know and reply to send me your responses!