Heart's Desire Intl

Should I Stay or Should I Go?

by heartsdesireintl | Apr 24, 2020 | breakups, Coaching, Communication, Dating, Forgiveness, Heart's Desire International, Intimacy, keeping the love alive, Love, Marriage, Relationship, Relationship Advice, Self-Love

by Gladys Diaz

Should I stay or should I go?

Have you ever asked yourself that question?

If you’re asking yourself that, maybe a better question is: “Why am I staying?”

Maybe he’s not showing up the way he used to.

Maybe you’re not comfortable in the relationship and can’t be yourself.

Maybe there’s a lot of drama in the relationship and it’s exhausting.

Maybe it’s been this way for a long time and you know your life is passing you by.

Why…?

And by the way… this conversation doesn’t just exist when talking about relationships.

This conversation about being unclear or feeling “stuck” is relevant to just about any area of your life.

Maybe you’re staying in a job you don’t like and that’s not fulfilling.

Maybe your house doesn’t light you up or create the feeling of home.

Maybe you feel stuck in your business or a friendship.

Where in your life are you just surviving?

Where are you settling for less than you desire?

People stay in situations that are less than what they want because of FEAR. Fear of not knowing what the alternative will be like, if it will work out, and if they can handle it.

Staying comfortable in something less than desirable feels better (or seems safer) than the risk of stepping outside of your comfort zone to create something different.

Can you relate?

I know it was that way for me. I was married for over 12 years and at least the last three or four years of that relationship were spent knowing it wasn’t going to get any better. Did you hear me… four years!! I had major doubt that I could do it on my own, that I had what it took to leave and create something better.

At that time in my life I was doing the same exact thing in my professional life. I was in a job that I hated. But I had a false sense of safety and wasn’t doing anything about it out of fear.

Sound familiar?

So… should you stay or should you go?

First of all, if you are in a situation where you are in danger, where you experience moments of being afraid in your relationship, then there’s no question. You should go.

No woman should ever be in a situation where she feels afraid. If that’s you, please reach out for support.

Secondly, if you’re waiting for someone else to do something, or if you feel like you just can’t take the way things are for one more day, then it’s time to ask yourself, ”Why am I staying?”

The thing is this, most of the time, love is not what’s in question.

We hear stories from so many women and the first answer is always “Because I love him” or “Because we love each other.”

You can 100% feel that you love someone and not be in a relationship that is healthy, going somewhere, or what you really desire.

What’s really in question is whether you love yourself.

Do you love yourself enough to have what you desire?

And if you’re not clear on what you desire, do you love yourself enough to get crystal-clear about it so that you can find the courage to step out of what you’re settling for and open up the space for what you really want?

After my divorce, and after I finally did the Heartwork to learn how to love myself, I was clear that I didn’t ever again want to be with someone that wasn’t 100% sure they wanted to be with me. When I finally created that clarity for myself, everything changed.

Now for the question of whether you should stay.

You should stay if you feel safe and if you have a desire to make things work. Even if right now, you’re the only one saying she wants it to work, there needs to be a desire to change things.

We’ve worked with women who have completely redesigned their relationships. They have done the work on themselves in order to experience the relationship differently and create the relationship of their dreams inside the relationship they are already in.

So, if you find yourself in the question of whether you should stay or go, then the time is now to take action. No amount of complaining, talking about it, or hoping that it’s going to change on its own is going to change anything. You have to take committed action!

This is why we’re so excited to be inviting you to the Extraordinary Love NOW Masterclass, happening tomorrow, Saturday, April 25th at 12pm Eastern!

You will get training and coaching on your mindset, dating leadership coaching, ways of being, as well as relationship coaching, so that you can either step out or step further into the relationship you’re in to create the relationship of your dreams.

Grab your spot for the Extraordinary Love NOW Masterclass here!

In the search for love, YOU get to choose!

As you empower yourself with the right tools, you gain the power to create the relationship you really want and deserve.

We’re here for you!

How to “COVID-19 Proof” Your Relationship

by heartsdesireintl | Apr 13, 2020 | Coaching, Communication, Forgiveness, Heart's Desire International, Intimacy, Love, Marriage, Relationship, Relationship Advice

by Gladys Diaz

Is his breathing starting to drive you crazy?

Do you feel like you’re not getting any alone time?

Are you arguing about every little thing?

We ask these questions a little lightheartedly because we know feeling these things right now doesn’t mean you don’t love your partner. It’s simply that the stress in your relationship may be rising as you’re being forced to spend more time together than usual in what is probably starting to feel like a very confined space.

Also, with extra time and less distractions, the things you’ve been too busy or too distracted to address in your relationship are coming up.

The pressure may be starting to rise, and you may be feeling like you’re about to burst! (Remember those old pressure-cookers? The way they would whistle louder and louder meaning it was getting closer to the exploding point? Are you beginning to feel like that?!?)

You know, just the other day Arnie and I were having a conversation and I was starting to feel frustrated. It just didn’t feel like he was understanding my point of view and I was beginning to feel the pressure rising!

The conversation was starting to get a little heated, but then I remembered… “What if he just sees it differently?”

Remembering that people process information differently (especially men and women!) has the power to change everything. In those heated moments, it can be difficult to remember that , but it is so important!

So, what can you do to bring the stress level down a notch?

The different circumstances that we are all currently experiencing are magnifying the need to have good communication skills in place in your relationship, because, when you don’t have the skills you’ll either 1) withdraw from your partner, or 2) explode and word-vomit all over him!

Neither of these things will lead to the loving, connected, supportive relationship you want to have with your partner.

When it comes to communication there are three very important things to remember.

What you say.
How you say it.
The energy behind what you’re saying.

Let’s focus on that third one.

A large part of communicating effectively is thinking about how the message is going to be received. Now, you can’t control how the other person is going to hear what you’re saying, but you can be responsible for the intention and energy behind your words.

Before you speak, ask yourself, “What do I want to create in the space between us?”

Setting the intention of creating love, connection, and understanding before a heated conversation begins changes what happens during the conversation and the outcome drastically.

The second thing you can do if you’ve found yourself having a stressful conversation with your partner is take a step back and talk about what isn’t working from a neutral state by using nouns and verbs.

What does that look like?

Saying “When you did ____________ it made me ___________” doesn’t work, because it immediately sets your partner up to defend himself..

Instead, when you say, “What doesn’t work is yelling” or “What doesn’t work is blaming,” it changes the conversation. Instead of getting defensive, you are both able to identify what isn’t working and shift it.

And lastly, if things are getting heated and you’re not seeing a loving and productive way out of an impending blow-up, then call a time-out.

Take a 5-10 minute break to think about what the other person is saying and feeling. Stay awake in your relationship and allow time to process your own thoughts and feelings before continuing the conversation, if needed.

It’s also important to allow for disagreements.

Like I shared in the example above, sometimes we are just going to see things differently. You are two completely different human beings with your own thoughts, opinions, and beliefs. Remember that many of those differences are the things that attracted you to one another, so allow for the disagreements, making respect a top priority in your communication, even when you don’t see eye-to-eye on something.

All of these communication skills work really well in romantic relationships, and you can also practice them with everyone in your life.

It is not enough just to know what to do. As Tony Robbins says: Knowledge is only potential power., you get to do it.

Knowledge only has the power to transform and make a difference when it is used effectively. So, use these skills with your partner, with your kids, with your co-workers.

We are all under pressure right now, and that doesn’t mean our relationships have to break down.

If you have a specific issue you’d like to discuss with your partner, and you’re not sure how to do it in a way that leads to more love and partnership, we’re opening up extra spots on our calendar to help you prepare for and have the conversation in a way that will lead to more love, connection, and partnership with the man you love.

Simply click below and schedule a Love Breakthrough Session, and we’ll walk you through exactly what to say and do so that you can communicate and connect with your partner now.

Click here to schedule a Communication Love Breakthrough Session.

We are going to get through this, and we’re going to get through it together.

Are You Being Used?

by heartsdesireintl | Jan 11, 2020 | Coaching, Communication, Dating, heartache, Infidelity, Intimacy, Love, Ready to Love Again, Relationship, Self-Love

by Gladys Diaz

Are you afraid of being taken advantage of by men?

Do you seem to consistently attract men that “need” something”?

Do you feel like men only want sex from you and that once they have gotten it, they disappear?

Is your experience that men always need your “fixing”?

If this seems to be your experience in dating and relationships, know that you are not alone. In our work with thousands of women, this is the #1 limiting belief that women have about men and relationships.

And the thing is, for those with this fear, it is 100% real to them.

That’s why we wanted to share this message first thing in this new year!

If this is what you are experiencing or feel like you are experiencing — basically if this is your paradigm for relationships — it’s because you’ve had an experience in the past that created this belief.

Warning signs that you have this belief are that:

you have the experience of over-giving and not receiving back a relationship
you feel as if you’re being used for sex
you’re helping a man “gets back on his feet,” or being used financially
you feel like you must be “needed” in order for someone to love you, and that if they don’t “need” you, then they will leave you

Think about your last 3-4 relationships? Was this showing up?

If these signs have shown up in three or more of your past relationships, then there’s a pattern that needs shifting!

This pattern comes from a belief that you created because of a past experience.

And that belief was most likely created years before your first date.

One example of something you may have experienced as a child is having something happen that led you to believe you had to DO something EXTRA in order to be loved.

When you have this belief, you will attract men who need you, need help, need support, and you feel like you are always the one doing the helping or “fixing.”

So ask yourself –

Are you noticing these patterns in your relationships?

Are you having painful experiences in dating?

OR are you holding yourself back and not having experiences with men because of this fear?

The first step to shifting fears is to recognize that they are present, so be honest with yourself here.

If this sounds like you, then start to pay attention to these things when you are dating…

Are you over-giving? Are you giving to another person to the point that you are not honoring yourself?
Are you taking time to really get to know someone? Are you holding back in a healthy way so you don’t give too much too soon? Are you giving yourself the opportunity of time to get to know someone so you know that can trust the other person and his intentions?
Are you looking for consistency in words and actions in the men you are dating?
Are you feeling safe to be generous and give love freely because you are receiving in return?

Sometimes you need help recognizing these patterns in your life. We want you to know that so much of the pain you experience in love, dating, and relationships is unnecessary and avoidable!

If you feel like this is a belief you have, and you’re having a hard time recognizing or shifting the pattern, let us help you do the HeartWork to break past it.

You get to be loved freely, and to be loved freely in return.

And you don’t have to do it alone.

Schedule a Love Breakthrough and set yourself free!

Book a Love Breakthrough Session Now

You Get To Be Cherished.

by heartsdesireintl | Dec 6, 2019 | Coaching, Communication, Dating, Getting engaged, Heart's Desire International, Intimacy, keeping the love alive, Love, Ready to Love Again, Relationship, Self-Love

by Michelle Roza

Do you want to be cherished?

I don’t know about you, but that word just brings all the feels!

To be cherished. What does that really mean?

Literally, the word cherish means to hold dear, to show affection for, to cultivate care, and to harbor in the mind deeply and resolutely.

Being cherished looks like being absolutely loved, cared for, and protected.

So how do you attract the man that will not only cherish you, but cherish you forever?

#1 – Believe You’re Worth It.

I’ve said it before, and I’ll keep saying it forever, because it really is that important.

The reason why we say it over and over is because I don’t think any of us walk around consciously thinking that we aren’t worth it. But, when you stop and honestly look at what’s underneath, do you really know that you deserve to be cherished?

I know, for me, I remember when I didn’t believe.

On the surface, everything looked great, but, underneath, it wasn’t great at. Because I didn’t believe that I was worth it.

I never allowed myself to be seen by the men who I thought were really great. The high-quality, good character men, I just didn’t show up for. I always went one step below.

Because that’s what I felt like I deserved.

I felt so much shame about my divorce, about dating not working for me, and about being alone. I felt like my time was just about up to find love, and I was so desperate for love!

Can you relate?

It wasn’t until I did the HeartWork – the internal work to release, heal, and let go of the layers of fear, shame and heartache – that things started to shift.

I started to feel better FOR REAL, so that’s what started being reflected out in the world, and that’s what I began attracting.

I stopped attracting “not good”men and “not-good-for-me” men and started attracting those good guys that had the qualities that I desired

And I soon found Arnie.

The #1 thing you MUST do in order to find the partner that will cherish you forever is to believe that you are worth it.

#2 – Make Yourself a Priority

You must make yourself a priority if you expect anyone else to. And it’s not just about doing your nails and your hair and looking physically attractive. It’s also not about buying yourself more “stuff.”

Making yourself a priority is about spending time with yourself. Filling yourself up so that you aren’t looking to be filled by someone else.

We all have big lives and sometimes we can end up putting ourselves at the bottom of the pile – and that doesn’t help anyone.

Your way of being is the most attractive thing to a man (and everyone else). So make yourself a priority, so that you have light to give.

#3 – Honor Your Word

If you want a man that will cherish, respect, and love you, then YOU must cherish you and respect you and love you.

Honor your word.

If you say you will go to bed at 10:00, go to bed at 10:00.

If you say you’ll go to the gym at 7am, then get up and go to the gym at 7am.

If you tell your kids that bedtime is 9pm, then put them to bed at 9pm.

When you don’t honor your word, then others don’t know what they can count on your for. Worse than that, even YOU don’t know what you can count on yourself for. That breeds self-doubt, and it’s all downhill from there.

You will learn to not trust yourself, and you can’t trust a man if can’t trust yourself to choose the right man.

Stop living your life based on your feelings, because your feelings change! Start living your life by your commitments, saying “this WILL be” and then making sure it is so. Do that, and see what changes!

You see, it really does begin with you.

We may sound like a broken record, but it’s the absolute truth.

I was talking to a client the other day who just got married!!! I was remembering one of our first conversations when we uncovered her belief that there was something wrong with her because she was in her 50’s and had never been married. She believed that it would have been better to have been divorced 3 times than to be her age and have never been in a long-term relationship.

What a limiting belief! But can you relate?

Once we uncovered that limiting belief and she did her HeartWork, she started showing up in the world differently. She was smiling again. She felt good! And she was no longer on a timeline. She knew that she deserved it and that it was on it’s way to her.

She ended up attracting a man that she’d met decades before who came back into her life, and now they are happily married.

It is possible if you just believe.

So, if you really want to learn how you can start cherishing yourself and then attract the man that will cherish you forever then act NOW to join us for our 2020 Love Vision Event, happening this weekend!

Click here to grab your spot (only 2 left!)!

At this event, we’ll help you to complete 2019 and step powerfully into 2020 with a crystal-clear vision for the love that your heart desires deeply, and the exact steps and tools you’ll need to create and experience it in 2020!

There are only 2 spots left at this event, and we’d love one of them to be yours!

Remember: It’s not just about getting a man to ask you out. It’s about BEing the irresistible woman that he decides he can’t live without. That’s when all your dreams will become a reality!

It’s Possible For You Too.

by heartsdesireintl | Dec 4, 2019 | Coaching, Dating, Getting engaged, heartache, Intimacy, keeping the love alive, Love, Marriage, Ready to Love Again, Relationship, Self-Love, Success

by Gladys Diaz

One of the pillars of what we teach – something that’s absolutely fundamental to creating the passionate, intimate, connected, loving relationship that you desire – is having a crystal-clear vision of what you want.

And we mean crystal-clear. Not just kinda-sorta knowing what you want. Not just having a list of expectations of what your man must have. And not just having it written it down, but still not really believing that you can have it.

We’re talking about being able to see it, feel it, taste it, smell it, AND believe that it will happen.

Without that level of clarity, you will settle for what you think you can get.

We hear it from clients all the time,

“What if this is the best I can do?”

“What if I let this one go and have to wait another 10 years?!”

“What if what I want is unrealistic?”

“What if it’s just not possible for me?”

I was talking with a client the other day who was telling me about the beautiful vision she has for love. It was a vision of fun and laughter and connection and joy. hen, in the middle of describing it to me, she stopped, and said, “I know, it sounds crazy. There’s no way this is possible. It’s too much”

Was she asking for a man with 5 hands? No.

Was she asking for a man that owned 5 islands? No.

Was she asking for a man with 17 eyes. No.

Now, that is unrealistic (and a little absurd)!

As we dug deeper, we discovered that a childhood (and lifetime) of feeling like there was never enough and that she was always asking for “too “was the reason she had this limiting belief. She realized what it was costing her to continue holding onto the belief that what she wanted was too much and not possible for her, and she decided that it was time to break through it NOW!

Desiring to have a relationship that is full of fun and laughter and connection and wonderful sex — none of that is too much. Everything about that is possible, AND it’s possible for you.

Creating that vision and the reality of creating it comes from clarity.

Clarity asks the questions:

“What do I want to experience in the relationship of my dreams?”

“What am I going to bring to the relationship so that I can experience that?”

“How can I BE the love that I want to see?”

Clarity is not about knowing what qualities you want your man to have. It’s about knowing what you want to experience in the relationship of your dreams, and then BEing those things.

BEing the respect you want to experience.

BEing the love you want to receive.

BEing the fun.

BEing the passion.

And what does BEing look like?

Taking action. But not just any kind of action.

It means taking the kind of action that is aligned with your vision.

Having all the faith and clarity in the world will get you absolutely nowhere without taking action.

A vision without action is nothing but a wish. And wishing is not a real strategy for getting what you want.

Which is why we want to invite you to our 2020 Love Vision Workshop, happening in just a few days. We’l lbe walking you through a deep process to help you actually physically experience the clarity you are seeking.

But it won’t stop there.

You will walk away from the event, not just with a crystal-clear vision, but with a PLAN to carry it out. With the actual steps to make it a reality.

Because it IS possible for you to create the love that you want in 2020.

Click here to learn how to manifest the relationship you want.

And, in case you’re thinking that 2 days can’t make a difference in what’s possible for you for 2020, I want to share this with you:

Let’s go back to Christmas of 1998. I had just lost my husband in September, and I felt like I was walking through a fog. The holidays seemed so empty without him. I felt alone, and it was hard.

Just one year later, Christmas 1999, I was in New York City but I wasn’t alone. I was celebrating Christmas with Ric and both of our mothers. I’ll never forget when he brought out my gift (a beautiful purse) and was fussing about how he hoped I would like it. When I opened it up, I found a beautiful, custom-made engagement ring inside! We’d talked about getting married, so that part wasn’t a surprise. But to have it happen then, on Christmas Eve, with our moms there with us, I was elated!!

SO much can change in just one year. The difference between Christmas 1998 and Christmas 1999 was just one year, but it was day and night for me!

Trust me when I say, everything you think can’t happen, but you dream might happen, CAN happen in just one year!

And it will, once you have the clarity and the action steps to create it.

Click here to manifest the love you want in 2020!

Are You Missing Your Opportunity For Love?

by heartsdesireintl | Nov 6, 2019 | Coaching, Dating, Gratitude, heartache, Intimacy, keeping the love alive, Love, Relationship

by Gladys Diaz

Do you have “high standards” or “unrealistic expectations?”

Just think about that for a minute….

This is a HOT topic that we get asked questions about all the time because it can be confusing. We can trick ourselves into thinking we have high standards, when what we really have are unrealistic expectations that are leading to missed opportunities, heartache in relationships, and unnecessary drama.

And men don’t like drama! 😉

So… what’s the difference?

And how can you be sure you know where you are coming from?

Standards

Standards are aligned with your values. They are based on your beliefs, they are good for your life, and protect you from unnecessary harm and heartache.

Having standards in dating looks like not dating someone that does drugs or is addicted to alcohol. It also looks like dating someone who has integrity and does what he says he’ll do.

Standards come from inside of you.

Expectations

Expectations are things that you are “requiring” from someone else and are usually based on a “list” of criteria that you think a person should meet. They are preferences.

Expectations in dating looks like not dating someone who hasn’t gotten a college education or who doesn’t happen to be an entrepreneur. It looks like not dating someone who has/hasn’t been married before or who does/doesn’t already have kids. It also looks like not dating someone who’s an introvert or who isn’t over 6 feet tall.

In relationships, it looks like not appreciating the things your man does for you or always making him feel like he has to be a certain way. It looks like expecting your man to love you no matter how you behave, even when you’.

Expectations are something you’re looking for out there. They have nothing to do with who a person actually is, and everything to do with what you’ve made up about what certain things mean about them.

Expectations come from fear.

They come from what we saw as a child, what we’ve experienced in other relationships, or from an irrational or imagined fear.

So, think about it again… in your relationships, and dating are you coming from a set of standards or are you coming from a set of expectations?

How is that affecting your experience of love and relationships?

What is it costing you to have those unrealistic expectations of others?

What are you afraid is/isn’t going to happen if you don’t stick to your expectations?

We get it. We have both experienced this on both sides of the equation.

When Michelle was dating after her divorce, she was desperately trying to prove that there was nothing wrong with her. She’d experienced a lot of hurt in her past relationship and wasn’t going to go there again. So, she set expectations. He had to be older, he had to be established in his career, and he also had to be divorced with kids so he’d understand how she felt.

She set these expectations thinking she was just doing what was best for herself, but she was protecting and not allowing herself to actually be and get to know the men she was with, which led to a terrible dating experience!

If she’d stayed committed to those preferences, she would have missed out on being married to the amazing man she’s married to today, because he – who was younger, was in transition between careers, had never been married, or had kids – wouldn’t have even shown up on her radar, because he didn’t meet all of those requirements.

For me, I remember experiencing this in my marriage. By thinking that my way was the right way, I was constantly making my husband feel like he wasn’t enough. And, while the words, “You’re not enough” NEVER came out of my mouth and I truly thought I was communicating well and just trying to make him better, it left him feeling unhappy, unsure of himself, and disrespected.

It makes me emotional just thinking about how I made the man that I love more than anything, and who I promised to love no matter what, feel any of those things.

Now, what about you?

What are you currently experiencing in dating and in your relationships? And what do you WANT to experience?

If through reading, you’ve realized that maybe you’re coming more from expectations, it’s okay! You just need to look at that and ask yourself what’s the fear underneath it all that is stopping you from having the experience you want in relationships.

Because once you get to the bottom of the fear, you can start to build up from there.

During our Love Chat with the Love Twins this week, one of our past clients said this :

“Please listen to the Love Twins! Once I got rid of the superficial requirements for a man…like height, hair and even education!! I concentrated on how do i feel… and I found a man who treats me like a Queen. Thank you Gladys and Michelle your HeartWork… it works!”

We want you to experience the relationship of your dreams. To wake up every morning next to the person you love and who loves you in return.

Don’t let your expectations keep you from having that. Because the person you end up with might surprise you and that surprise will be the best gift you give yourself, IF you allow it to be!

(photo credit: https://onlineforlove.com/)

« Older Entries

Next Entries »