I don’t know if you’re anything like me, but, when I feel there is a problem, I like to do anything I can to resolve it as quickly as possible.
This problem-solving skill serves me well when it comes to helping my clients get through difficult situations in their love lives and relationships. It’s also served me well as a businesswoman.
It doesn’t, however, always serve me well when it comes to my relationship with my husband.
See, what many women don’t realize is that while women’s brains are wired to almost instantaneously think, feel, and say what we are thinking and feeling, men’s brains are not. In fact, the female brain has 7 areas that connect feelings, emotions and words, while the male brain has 2 areas that are wired in this manner.
Now, that doesn’t mean that woman are any better or smarter than men. Our brains are wired differently for a reason.
Think about it… Men, at their origin, were hunters. If they did not kill the prey, the entire tribe would go hungry and die. They had to have laser-like focus. Feelings and emotions could not cloud their judgment. They had to think about one thing and one thing alone: getting food for the tribe.
The reason it’s important to know and understand this is because, if you’re like many women, when there is an issue concerning your relationship, you want to “talk” about it, and you want him to want to talk about them NOW!
Your man, on the other hand, may not want or be able to talk about it right at this moment, and, again, if you’re like many women, you may find yourself making this mean something about him and how he feels about the relationship.
For example, you may think to yourself:
If he really cared about me or us, he’d want to resolve this as soon as possible.
He obviously cares more about his work (or whatever he is doing) than me.
This relationship is clearly not a priority for him. Otherwise he would drop what he was doing and deal with this NOW.
Sound familiar?
I know it does to me!
In the past, when there was a problem in our relationship, I would want to discuss it, right here, right now, and then be shocked when my husband would say, “I don’t want to talk about this right now.”
Then things would go something like this:
Me: (In my head) What? Doesn’t he see how important this is? Clearly he doesn’t see how important this is!
Me: (Out of my mouth) But we need to discuss this. It’s important.
Him: I get that it’s important, but I don’t want to talk about it right now.
Me: (In my head) I can’t believe he doesn’t care about us!
Then I would proceed to keep emphasizing how important this was and how we needed to talk and how it couldn’t wait, and (you get the picture)… until, finally, he would blow up at me and storm out of the room, and then I’d really feel as if he didn’t care!
And that would lead to hours (and, sometimes, days) of stone-cold silence, anger, and unnecessary pain – for both of us.
The truth is that he did care. He does care. (And so does your guy!)
What happens, is that men need a little more time to process the information, especially when a slew of emotionally-charged information is being thrown at them.
What’s happening when your guy is not ready to talk about something is that he is processing the information he’s been given, or he is focused on something else that is important (not necessarily “more important” than you, which is what you may be making it mean), and he needs some time to process and get his thoughts together so that he can focus on the issue at hand before he can talk about it.
So, what do you do when there is something you want to discuss and your guy isn’t ready to talk right now?
1. Respect his preference.
I know it’s hard. This one can still be hard for me. Even this past weekend, my husband had to repeat to me that he didn’t want to talk about something before I could hear him. In the past, I would get upset because I felt ignored and uncared for. Now, I get that when he’s saying he doesn’t want to talk and I keep pressuring him to talk, he’s also feeling ignored and unheard, and this means that any conversation that takes place right then and there is probably not going to lead to a resolution.
2. Remind yourself that “not now” does not mean “never.”
One of the reasons I would panic and keep insisting on getting my husband to talk was because I feared that we would “never” discuss it, and that worried me. That fear and anxiety triggered my need to try to control the conversation (and him), which just led to him resisting the conversation (and me) even more. Now I remind myself that “not now” actually means “later,” not never, which helps me to calm down, step back, and allow both of us space to calm down and gather our thoughts so that, when we do talk, it leads to a win-win for us.
I will also say something like, “I understand that you don’t want to talk right now, and I respect that. Please know that I’m here when you’re ready to talk.” Sometimes we’ll even set a time to talk (after the kids go to bed, for example) so that we know that the conversation will, indeed happen.
3. Focus on something else.
I’ve found that focusing on something else – like going for a run, reading a book, playing a “mind-numbing” game on my phone, listening to something inspirational, or drawing – help me busy my mind so that I’m not hyper-focused on when the conversation will happen or what it will be like. By taking care of myself and my needs, I can control the only side of things that is ever mine to control: me. This allows me to relax, feel empowered, and not come from an emotionally-charged place when we finally do have the conversation.
4. Talk to someoneelse.
Talking to someone else – a girlfriend, sister, or your relationship coach – is also a great way to sort and work through your thoughts and feelings before speaking with your guy. Now, I will add a caveat here. It’s important that you be very selective when you choose who you are going to talk to about your relationship. Make sure that it is someone who is standing for your relationship to work, not someone who is going to bash your guy, take your side, or give you relationship or communication advice that is not for your highest good. If your friend is not in a happy, loving relationship, she may not be the best person to turn to. You want to share with someone who is going to love and support you and have you show up in your best light. This is where having a good relationship coach can make all the difference.
Otherwise, you’ll just be getting “advice,” and advice is usually shared from the other person’s own fears and doubts, as well as her patterns. Coaching, on the other hand provides you with the exact steps you can take to speak with love, be fully in your power, and seeking a win-win solution.That way, when you finally do have the conversation, you are not just talking about something that happened or needs to be resolved, but you are talking for something (resolution, peace, and the highest good for both of you in the relationship).
I know it’s not always easy to hit the “pause” button and not resolve something that is on your heart and mind.Uncertainty can trigger fear and sometimes fear gets the best of us and begin trying to push to try to get something to happen, rather than stepping back and allowing things to come together peacefully and naturally.
However, I promise you that if you follow these 4 steps, not only will that eventual conversation be a lot more peaceful, but you will also feel so much more empowered and connected to your guy when you know that you are coming together at the right time as partners seeking the best outcome, versus “enemies” seeking to prove their own point or get their own “win.” Because, by default, when only one person “wins” in a conversation or argument, the other person must “lose.” And, where there is true partnership, a win-win is always the best outcome.
So…
Take a deep breath…
Take a step back…
Follow these steps…
And reach out to me if you have any questions or want some support regarding having more loving, peaceful, and connected communication with your partner. You can eithersend me an emailorclick here to schedule time to talk.
It’s been over three weeks since The Irresistible Woman LIVE Event took place and there is still not a single day that goes by that Michelle and I do not receive an email, a text message, or a post in our Facebook group of someone sharing a new breakthrough, miracle, or manifestation that has occurred in her life as a result of having attended the event!
Here’s the fascinating thing. The event was only three days long, yet women are sharing life-altering changes. For example (and I am using intitials because these breakthroughs were shared in a private group:
C has experienced major breakthroughs in the ares of finances, her improv acting experiences, and in the attention she is receiving from a really high-quality man!
D is experiencing a whole new level of fulfillment in her relationship with her amazing boyfriend (who she met while participating in our Ready to Love Again Program!), in her career, and in her relationships with others. In fact, her friends and family are commenting on how happy and full of life and love she is!
Z. is finally pain-free after dealing with excruciating and chronic back and shoulder pain that doctors had been unable to diagnose and treat for over 2 years! And she had a wonderful trip with her family where she felt able to trust her husband and watched as he truly stepped up and made her feel safe, secure, and worry-free, in spite of some very unexpected and sometimes difficult situations they faced during the trip.
P. and her husband are completely falling in love with one another again. There is more love, communication and romance in their marriage (they even had a wonderful date night the other night!)
L. had a fantastic first date with a wonderful man is excited about dating again!
Y. was able to confidently and respectfully walk away from a dating experience that made her feel uncomfortable and did not match the experience she wants to have in a relationship.
So, what is it that allows this kind of shift to take place after an event that was only a few days long?
It’s the process we take women through in our events and programs that have them move from “receiving information” to “Creating Transformation.”
See, there is an overwhelming amount of information out there. You know there is.
You’ve read the books.
You’ve listened to the podcasts.
You’ve watched the videos.
You’ve even taken courses.
But, despite all of this information, you still feel stuck and continue repeating old patterns that keep you in a cycle of heartache.
You still can’t let go of your ex and move forward.
You still keep attracting the wrong kind of man into your life.
You still continue arguing with your partner about the same things.
You still feel frustrated and stuck and, at times, hopeless.
If all it took to create a real and permanent shift was information, or even having a powerful insight, you would have already made the changes you know you need to make.
However, it takes more than good information or content, or even a really powerful “a-ha” moment to take what you are learning and seeing about yourself and create a truly permanent change.
In our work, we help you not only distinguish and work through the fears, doubts, and limiting beliefs that are creating dysfunctional patterns in your life and love life. We also teach you how to replacethose Love Barriers with new and empowering thoughts, actions, and attitudes that allow you to create permanent, life-altering transformation in your life!
If you’re ready to learn more about this, check out the quick video I shot for you on Friday and then hit “reply” to this email and answer the 2 questions I ask you at the end of the video.
I will personally be reading and responding to each of the emails and I will be opening up a few spots on my calendar specifically to help you create your own Love Breakthrough Action Plan on a Love Breakthrough Session.
Obviously, there are not enough slots in my calendar to speak personally to all of the thousands of women who will be reading this email. However, I know that the truly committed women will watch the video, reply to this email, and be open to receiving your next best steps to create a true transformation in your love life.
If that is YOU, and you are READY to create true and permanent change in your life, and you are ready to do what it takes to make the necessary changes to create your own personal transformation, then all you have to do is:
Watchthevideo.
Click reply and answer the 2 questions I ask at the end of the video.
Get ready to create a TRUE TRANSFORMATION in your love life!
Remember:
Creating a true and permanent transformation does not have to be “hard.” It can be easy and effortless when you know exactly what steps you need to take and you have guidance from someone who can help you create the results you want. Let’s do this together!
Watch the video know and reply to send me your responses!
I can’t wait to read them and write back to you!
Remember:
Creating a true and permanent transformation does not have to be “hard.” It can be easy and effortless when you know exactly what steps you need to take and you have guidance from someone who can help you create the results you want. Let’s do this together!
Watch the video know and reply to send me your responses!
I don’t know if you’re aware of it, because these things are usually going on in the subconscious, as blind spots, but there are things that you are telling yourself that are actually stopping you from having the love you want.
The frustrating part about it is that, because you’re not aware that they are lies, you actually believe them. To you, they are the truth! And, unfortunately, these are the very thoughts and words that are keeping you stuck in your love life!
I shot a really quick raw-and-real, tough love video, and I hope you’ll give yourself a few minutes to watch it because this could actually transform your life as you know it!
Most people in your life won’t tell you what I’m telling you in this video. In fact, many of them are agreeing with you and helping you to continue believing the lies. So, it’s with an incredible amount of love that I want to share this with you, because I see you bigger than any thought or fear or excuse you may have! To me you are amazing and you deserve everything your heart desires!
Watch the video and tell me what you think!
P.S. You really can get unstuck and it doesn’t have to be hard. Simply stop believing the lies I talk about in this video and trust me! We can get to the other side of this together!
There’s a real problem affecting women – especially smart, successful women like you – and it pushes good men away.
See, there’s something that many powerful women don’t realize that they are doing to self-sabotage their relationships. And the energy being given off by doing this is like “relationship kryptonite”!
What is it?
It’s leaking masculine energy in the form of control!
Now, before you bounce off the page or get triggered, let me explain, because, if you’re not in a happy, intimate relationship right now, and you knew you could learn what you can stop doing to sabotage your love life and happiness, isn’t that worth just a few minutes of your time?
Here’s the deal.
More than anything, a good man – the kind of man who is interested in loving, supporting, and spending his life with an amazing woman like you – wants one thing more than anything else. (And, no, it’s not sex!)
See, one of a good man’s greatest superpowers is his need to make the woman that he cares about happy. Honestly, it’s like a drug he can’t get enough of when he sees that you are smiling and he knows that hehad something to do with the smile on your face!
Now, perhaps you don’t believe me, especially if this hasn’t been your experience with men – or the man you’re with.
However, consider that there may be somethings you’re doing to either attract the kind of man who isn’t interested in making you happy, or you may subconsciously and unintentionally saying and doing things that stop him from being able to make you happy.
It’s true. Many of the things you are doing to kill a man’s desire to make you happy are happening subconsciously.
This means you’re not even aware of what you’re doing to self-sabotage your relationships!
And that’s why, unless you learn exactly what is pushing away a man’s desire to be with and please you, it’s virtually impossible for you to stop doing it so that you can turn things around in your love life and have the kind of relationship you really want!
Thesubconscious ways women sabotagetheir romantic relationships and what to do instead
Thekey steps you can take to remain in your powerand still get the love you want
Theeffortless ways you can draw a man, his attention and affection to youso that you can feel deeply connected to him
As a smart, successful woman, you know that getting what you want means, not only knowing exactly what to do, but how to get it in the easiest, most effective way! And that’s exactly what I’m going to teach you on this online class, so make sure you grab your spot now!
You can’t change something you can’t see. If you’re not in the happy, loving relationship you truly want, and you want to learn the fastest, most effortless way to have that, make sure you join us for this online class!
If you’ve been feeling like it’s harder for you to have love than other women, you may actually be RIGHT!
See, if you’re a powerful, successful woman who wants to have success in love, but you’ve found that it’s difficult for you to attract the right kind of man or to have the loving connection with the man you’re currently with, it’s probably because there are some things you’re unconsciously doing that are sabotaging your chances of having the kind of relationship you truly want.
This is because, as a successful woman, you’ve discovered the kinds of skills and strategies that have propelled you in your career. You are strong, powerful, and a go-getter. You know how to manage and direct others, and you’re probably often selected to be the leader in almost every job or project. These are great characteristics to have in you professional life because they are the kinds of behaviors that can propel your rise to success.
The problem is that these same characteristics (and others) actually repel love, intimacy and success in romantic relationships. Your man wants to love you, not be managed by you. He wants to provide for and please you, not be directed, corrected, or led by you.
So, what are the skills and ways of being that inspire a man to be with you, rather than push him away?
This is exactly what my friend and mentor, Nancy Matthews, co-founder of Women’s Prosperity Network, and I spoke about this week on a truly powerful and information-packed interview. During our conversation, I revealed some of the secrets to BEing the Unstoppable Woman at work and the Irresistible Woman in your love life!
Check out the interview below and let me know what your biggest takeaway or question is by replying to this email.
[Note: You will hear an announcement I made during this interview that was specifically for members of WPN and the special coupon I offered has already expired and you will not be able to access it. If you’d like to access the special, reply to this email and I’ll send you a different coupon code! Why? Because I love you!]
While you may have been unintentionally doing things to self-sabotage your success in love and relationships, the great news is that you can learn the skills and ways of being that DO work to create love and intimacy in relationships! Listen to this interview (take good notes) and let me know what your biggest takeaway from the interview is!
P.S. If you want access to the same special offer I announced on the interview, all you have to do is send an email to gladys@heartsdesireintl.com, and i will send you a special coupon code!
I realize that today can be a bitter-sweet days for some people, given that the day is focused on love — primarily romantic love — and it can be painful if you’re not in a relationship, or in a relationship that’s not going well at the moment. If you’re not focused — truly focused — on the love that’s all around and within you, you can actually find yourself feeling Toxic Emotions, such as jealousy, sadness, or loneliness.
So, what can you do to make today a happy day, and one where you are able to see, receive, and give love, no matter what your relationship status is?
1. Gather evidence of love all around you.
Rather than trying to resist or reject all of the signs of love around you today, look for evidence of love and pull it toward you. One thing you can do is put your hands over your heart when you see evidence of love today — whether it is a picture of flowers someone received, or a couple holding hands, or anything having to do with love and romance — and, rather than get hurt, angry, or resentful, with your hand on your heart, say something like, “I’m so happy for her/them, and I can’t wait to feel that way, too!” or “I’m so happy for her/them! I send them love and receive that love as it comes back to me!”
2. Make a Love Plan for yourself.
If you haven’t already planned out what you are going to do to fill your day with love, take the time to do it now! Plan to do something nice for yourself, get yourself a token of your own love for yourself, and make plans with friends or family. Isolating yourself only reinforces the belief “I am alone,” and that only deepens any feelings of sadness or separation you may be feeling today. So, rather than being reactive and closing yourself off, surround yourself with the people and things you love and enjoy. You, more than anyone else in the world, deserve your own love, so be generous in giving that love to YOU!
3. Bask in Gratitude.
One of the most powerful and transformative energies we can embody and practice is gratitude. As you gather evidence of love and fill yourself up with love, remember to truly feel and express thanks for the things, people, and blessings you have in your life. It’s virtually impossible to be angry and grateful or upset and grateful at the same time. When you choose to turn your heart and thoughts to the things for which you are grateful, you are making a conscious choice to not allow negative thoughts and feelings to overtake you. Does this mean you have to “pretend” you don’t feel the sadness or upset? No. Resistance only has those feelings strengthen and persist. Instead, feel the feelings, acknowledge that they are there, and then choose to release them. And, as you release them, fill the space left by the negative feelings with thoughts of the things, people, and blessings for which you are grateful. This practice can leave you feeling empowered, rather than disempowered, as you will come to see just how able you are of navigating through and your emotions with power, grace, and ease!
Putting these simple practices in place today (and every day) can help you manifest and experience love, joy, peace, and gratitude, which are highly magnetic emotions and can truly shift your state as well as your experience of living and loving!
My heart-felt wish for you today is that you are able to see, feel, and create love all around and within you and that you come to the indisputable realization that…
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