If you’ve ever had your heart broken, you know how difficult it can be to find the courage to move on. One of the things that can make moving forward difficult is when you still have feelings for the other person. Memories can be tricky beasts, especially when you’re feeling lonely. Memories can remind you of all of the great moments and make you forget the reasons why the relationship ended in the first place. And loneliness can make you think that being in that relationship is better than being alone.
These thoughts and feelings can make you believe that maybe you’re not ready to move on.
How could you possibly open your heart to someone else if you still have feelings for your previous love?
Shouldn’t you wait until you no longer have any feelings for that person before beginning to date someone else?
When I lost my first husband, I honestly did not believe I would be able to love anyone ever again. I just could not imagine ever being “over” him. There wasn’t any reason for me to stop loving him, and, what’s more, I didn’t want to have to stop loving him!
When I met Ric, there was a moment where I wondered if it would be fair to him for me to continue dating him, knowing that I still loved and missed my late husband very much. Would I be leading him on? Would it be fair to him or myself to even explore the possibility of dating and getting to know one another?
When my sister, Michelle, ended the on-again-off-again dating pattern she had with Arnie, she knew she wasn’t willing to wait for him to make up his mind about whether or not he wanted to be in a relationship. She asked herself the same questions: Should I wait until I’m over him before dating someone else?
The answer?
No!
Thankfully, neither one of us chose to stop loving the man we loved before opening our hearts to someone else. In my case, it lead to experiencing 15 years of more love and happiness than I ever dreamed was possible!
For Michelle, it led to her meeting and dating another wonderful man. And when Arnie came back to her, asking her to give him another chance, she then had a choice regarding who she was going to choose to love, and she’s now married to Arnie and living in the relationship of her dreams!
Even if you still love someone else, putting your life on hold until you feel you’re over him only serves to keep you stuck right where you are.
Now, do I believe you should take some time to grieve the loss of the relationship? Yes, of course. You want to acknowledge your feelings for that person and grieve the loss of the relationship. But what you don’t want to do is keep putting your life on hold until you are completely over him!
Why?
Because, even though you may still love him, you need to love yourself even more!
Loving yourself more means that you can give yourself permission to continue loving and missing him while also giving yourself permission to open your heart to new love!
Trying to resist or ignore your feelings is only going to intensify them. Hence, the saying: What you resist persists.
So, rather than pretending you don’t love and miss him, you can acknowledge that you do and that you also love yourself enough to know that you deserve to be in a happy and fulfilling relationship with someone who loves you, too!
Once you allow yourself to feel what is there, then you can begin opening up to the possibility of meeting that someone new who will reciprocate your love and create a the type of loving relationship your heart truly desires.
And you can do it guilt-free because you’re not hiding your feelings from yourself.
As you meet and get to know new men, you’ll have new experiences, new moments of joy, new moments of feeling loved and cherished, and you may find that the feelings for your previous love getting less intense. And, while they may not disappear completely, it’s okay.
Your heart has an unlimited capacity to love. The more you expand it, the more love you are able to feel, experience, give, and receive.
So, if you’ve been putting your life and happiness on hold, waiting for your feelings for a previous love to disappear, grant yourself permission to continue loving him, and then choose to love yourself even more so that you can graciously welcome new and extraordinary love into your life!
Questions? Comments? Let us know below! We love hearing from you!
I’m so excited! This week my husband booked us on a Disney Cruise – something I’ve been saying I want to do for seven years!
I’m seriously so excited I have no idea how I’m going to keep this surprise from my kids a minute longer!
Seven years is a long time to wait for something. There have been times when I thought it was never going to happen. I mean, we’d talk about going – a lot. We’d look at the dates and prices online, and talk about booking the cruise. We’d even set a date and then see that date come and go.
What was missing?
Committed action!
See, wanting to go on a cruise is not enough.
Talking about wanting to go on a cruise is not enough.
Even setting the dates and researching the prices isn’t enough.
To go on a cruise, you actually need to reserve your date and pay the price!
The same holds true when it comes to having the type of relationship you really want.
You’ve been waiting to be in a real, loving, passionate relationship for probably as long as you can remember.
Wanting to be in a relationship is great, but if you’re not out there, meeting new men and dating successfully, it’s not going to happen.
Talking about how much you want to be in a great relationship is not the same as knowing the skills it takes to make a relationship work.
Reading books, attending webinars, and bookmarking articles about how to have a successful, lifelong relationship is not the same as working with someone 1-on-1 who can help you identify what’s been stopping you from attracting the love you want and then help you create that relationship in your own life!
The only way to be in the relationship you want is to take committed action and begin creating that relationship now!
This is what I help women do in my private coaching program. In this program, I help you identify:
What’s stopping you from experiencing the love you want
What you need to do to remove those blocks
The steps you need to take so that you can finally have the relationship you want
Because of the high level of support and attention I give my private clients, I’m only able to accept a few women into the program at a time. Right now, the program is almost full, so, if you know that you’re tired of talking about the kind of relationship you want and you’re ready to take committed action toward making your dream a reality, then reserve a spot for a complimentary Ready to Love Session now!
Think about it…
Six months from now you could be talking about the relationship you’re in, instead of the relationship you want. I’d love to help you make that dream come true! Reserve your spot now!
After working on ourselves, trying hard to make changes, and not seeing the results we thought we’d have, we begin to wondering whether we should just stop trying so hard, throw in the towel, and give up on our dreams.
I’ve been there myself, and I know how painful and disillusioning it can be to think that what my heart desires just “wasn’t meant to be.”
When you have a big dream – the type of dream that moves and inspires you, that fills you up with joy at the very thought of it, and that you know in your heart it’s what you want more than anything else in the world – and it doesn’t seem to be happening, it can be heartbreaking.
In those heart-wrenching times, it’s easy to let your fears and doubts get in the way of your vision. It can feel like it’s easier to just let your dream go and walk away from it, rather than continue taking the steps that will lead you in the direction of making those dreams come true.
Maybe your dream is that you’ll meet the man who’s perfect for you, but you’re tired of dating men who aren’t interested in being in a relationship or with whom you just don’t feel a real connection. This scares you, and the little voice in your head keeps telling you that maybe you’re just not meant to be in a relationship.
Maybe your dream is about reigniting the love and passion you and your man once shared. But it’s been such a long time since you’ve felt that closeness, and you wonder whether the relationship was ever meant to be and if it’s even worth saving.
Maybe your dream is to go back to school, start a new career, or launch that business you’ve always wanted to have, but you’ve been too afraid to step away from what you’re already doing and from the salary you’re already making to branch off into something new. So you try to convince yourself that maybe you’re already doing what you were meant to do, even though in your heart of hearts, you know that simply isn’t true.
No matter what your dream is, if you’re thinking about giving it up, I’m here to tell you: DON’T!
There is a reason that dream was placed in your heart in the first place, and you owe it to yourself to do everything you can to make it come true!
There were times in the beginning of my marriage where I wondered whether I’d made a mistake and married the wrong man. I’d tell myself it would be easier to just be single again so that I could find someone else that I could make things work with. The truth is I was terrified to make the changes I knew could help our relationship because I was afraid he wouldn’t want to make it work, and then I’d feel rejected.
There have been times in my business where I’ve wondered if maybe it would just be easier to go get a job or do something else. While I knew in my heart that relationship coaching is what I was born to do, I was afraid to do the work it would take to reach out to new clients, that I’d something in a blog post or email that would upset someone, and that I might not be able to actually make a living doing what I love.
As scared as I was in both of these situations, the one thing I refused to do was give up. Why?
Because my faith in my dream was bigger than any fear that might show it’s ugly face!
A huge part of loving yourself is being true to yourself and honoring your heart’s desires. When you sell out on yourself and your dreams, you’ll never really experience the fulfillment you long for!
So, how do you push past the fear and keep believing in your dreams, even when things are not flowing, you’re not getting the results you want, or you have other people telling that maybe you should just give up?
You recommit.
You recommit to yourself and your dream.
You remind yourself that this is your dream, this is your life, and that it’s up to you to make that dream come true!
You find people in your life who believe in you and your dream and are willing to help you make it come true!
You remember that the dream in your heart was placed there by something greater than you and that this means that there IS a way to make it happen!
So, right now, take a moment and think about your dream.
Have you been taking the steps to push past your fear and make it happen?
Have you reached out to people who believe in you and who can help you in making that dream come true?
Have you made your faith in yourself and your dream bigger than your fears?
If you answered “No” to any of the above questions, I have another question for you:
Are you ready to recommit to your dream?
If you are, I first want to congratulation you and let you know that I’d love to be one of those people who will stand for and encourage you in helping it come true!
I also want to invite you to post it in the comments section of the blog and declareyour re-commitment to your dreamand one step you are going to take within the next 7 days to make it come true!
Something powerful happens when you are courageous enough to declare your dream publicly. It invites others to stand with and for you in helping them become a reality!
And, as always, I want to encourage you to let us know if there is any way we can help support you in taking the steps that lead you in the direction of your dreams!
Here’s to living a life of dreams come true!
Remember to post below your re-commitment and one step you’re going to take in the direction of your dreams!
The truth is that, unless you identify the fears, doubts and limiting beliefs that have been holding you back from experiencing the love you dream of, you will most likely self-sabotage your way out of even a great relationship with a wonderful man.
Why?
Because, undistinguished, fears and doubts appear real.
Until you distinguish and dismantle the thoughts and dysfunctional relationship patterns, they will creep up and color the way you see, hear, and experience things in a relationship.
Today I’d like to share the testimonial of a woman who, after going through a bitter divorce, and “kissing a lot of frogs,” finally got clear about the type of relationship she wanted to experience and attracted a wonderful man into her life!
Even though she’d met a great man, she almost pushed him away. As great as he was, and as wonderful as she felt when she was with him, she almost ended the relationship over his height and a pair of jeans!
We did some work together to uncover some of the fears that had been deeply buried, were completely in her blind spot, and were about to have her self-sabotage her way out of the best thing that ever happened to her!
No one can tell the story like she can, soclick below to listen to a short clip of the testimonial.
Not kissing frogs anymore! Now she’s kissing the man of her dreams!
Click below to listen to the entire interview and hear about her personal journey to experiencing a love far greater than she ever imagined was possible!
If you’re ready to stop self-sabotaging your way out of love, and you are ready to begin experiencing success in your relationships, it’s time to take a bold and courageous step in the direction of your dreams! Just click here and let’s set up a time to talk and create a plan for helping you get out of your own wayso that you can make your dreams come true!
Questions? Comments? Let us know below! We love hearing from you!
Hello! It’s Testimonial Tuesday! From time to time, we will be featuring some of our favorite love stories of the women who we’ve worked with so that you can begin to see what is possible for you, too! Just this week, we had one former client announce her engagement, another share how grateful she is that I was her “biggest cheerleader” in staying and working on her relationship, and another share that she received Mother’s Day flowers from her love and a call from her stepdaughter on Mother’s Day for the first time in the 4 years they’ve been together!
One of our favorite parts about being relationship coaches is getting to witness the process of transformation our clients go through. It is such a blessing to be part of their journey and to watch as they move through the difference spaces in their lives toward having the relationship of their dreams!
Today I’d like to share with you a very special testimonial from one of my private coaching clients, Diana. When she first contacted me via email, Diana was dating a great guy. Things were going really well and she had some questions about where the relationship was going and how she should proceed. We communicated back and forth via email for a while, and about a month later I heard from her again and we set up a time to talk. At this time, she was worried because she felt her boyfriend was becoming distant. His communication patterns had changed and her gut was telling her that he was pulling away. We spoke for a little while to determine what she wanted to experience in a relationship, how she could go about doing that, and she signed up as a private coaching client.
It was about a week or two after we started working together that their relationship ended. As you can imagine, Diana was heartbroken and confused. This was a relationship that had been going so well. They had a great connection and were so happy together. She just couldn’t understand what had happened.
Together, we began the journey within, discovering some of her hidden fears, limiting beliefs, and patterns that had been impacting her when it came to relationships. It wasn’t always an “easy” journey. It took a lot of courage to be willing to do the inner work to create an opening for love to come back into her life.
But, as you’ll hear in Diana’s testimonial, the journey was well worth it!
Click below to listen to how Diana went from being heartbroken to being happy-in-love!
Working with a relationship coach is one of the best ways to have the type of relationship you have always dreamed of. Whether you are single and looking to attract the right man into your life, or you are in a relationship that you want to improve or reignite, choosing the right coach for you — someone you trust, who has proven results, and who can teach you the skills you need to make your dreams come true — is one of the most important choices you can make.
If, like Diana, you are ready to stop trying to do this on your own and to begin taking the steps that will lead you in the direction of your dreams, click here so that we can set up a time to talk. I have 3 spots opening up in my program and one of them could be yours!
There is a key element to making relationships work that most people tend to avoid, and that is the willingness to be vulnerable.
If you’re like most of the women I speak to, reading that sentence led to a surge of panic running right through you.
Being vulnerable can feel scary.
Why?
Because to be vulnerable means being willing to let your guard down, step out from behind your wall of fears, and open your heart to someone else without any guarantees that you will be accepted or that the attention and affection you give will be well-received or reciprocated.
Naturally, the thought of taking this type of risk is frightening, and it’s possible that you are using this fear to stop you from allowing new relationships to develop or existing relationships to take root and flourish. However, without the willingness to be vulnerable, there can be no real intimacy, and, without intimacy, you simply can’t make a relationship work.
How can you tell if you’re allowing the fear of vulnerability to impact you and your relationships? Here are some telling signs.
You don’t allow yourself to really get to know someone.
If you’re dating and you’re avoiding vulnerability, it’s likely that you decide pretty quickly – sometimes just a few minutes into a conversation or a first date – that the man you’re with isn’t a good fit. Perhaps, for example, you’re on a date and the man you’re with says or does something that you interpreted as “a sign” of impending doom for the relationship, and you decide, right then and there, that it simply wouldn’t work.
If this happens once or twice, it could be a case of “bad luck.” However, if you’re finding that this is a consistent pattern – where you rarely go out on more than one date with someone, or most of the men you are dating are never a good match – you want to consider that you are subconsciously sabotaging yourself to avoid getting close to anyone.
Not allowing yourself to get to know someone may save you some time, but it can also keep you alone. If you notice that this is a pattern for you, challenge yourself to go out on at least 2 or 3 dates with someone before deciding to not see him anymore. It’s quite possible that if you do this, and if you give yourself permission to have fun while you’re at it, you may find yourself being pleasantly surprised!
You rarely let people get to know and see who you really are.
Wanting to be accepted is a very natural desire. We enjoy knowing that people love and accept us for who we are. It’s difficult for people to make that choice, however, if we’re constantly on guard, holding back our thoughts and feelings, and not allowing others to really get to know us.
This is even more important when you beginning a new relationship, because a man simply can’t fall in love with you if you are not there! True, he may fall for your stand-in, but pretending to be someone you’re not will eventually become exhausting. What’s more, you’ll never have the reassurance you want of knowing that who you are – with all of your strengths, flaws, and quirks – is who he chooses to love.
Whether you’re just starting a relationship or you’re already in one, trust that who you are is enough for the right man to love. You won’t have to be perfect, because your imperfections will not scare the right man away. Remind yourself that a man who truly loves you will see and relate to your “imperfections” as part of what he loves about you.
Being willing to open yourself and your heart to someone else takes courage. It takes the willingness to love and accept yourself first so that you can invite the love and acceptance of someone else into your life.
And, while, yes, it can be scary, because there are no guarantees regarding what will happen after you let your guard down, what you will be guaranteeing is that you are giving yourself the best possible opportunity to welcome in and experience the type of love and intimacy your heart truly desires!
Questions? Comments? Let us know below. We love hearing from you!
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