Today is Halloween and I’m getting ready to decorate our front yard and start putting together my costume so that I can take my little one out trick-or-treating tonight. I love seeing all the little kids in their costumes, getting a chance to pretend that they are their favorite heroes and characters. I remember how exciting it used to be as a kid, myself (almost as exciting as looking forward to eating all of the candy once I got home!)
Coincidentally, this week I participated in a course on relationships, and one of the things we discussed was how people in relationships hide behind their masks. The instructor explained how in life, we are usually wearing either one of two masks:
When you are wearing your first mask, you show the world only who you want them to see. This is the mask that says:
“I’ve got it all together!”
I’m smart, capable, and just fine on my own! Thank you!”
The other mask is the one that hides what you don’t want others to see. It’s the one that says:
“I’m afraid.”
“I don’t know…”
“I don’t want to face this on my own.”
Wearing the first mask gives you a false sense of confidence. It’s the mask you use to seek approval, to look good and avoid looking bad. And, while it probably helps you accomplish many of your goals, it can also be the one that has you pretending to be pretty much perfect. And people – including men – simply can’t connect with perfection. It doesn’t allow others to get close to you and possibly contribute to you because, well, you’ve already got it all together!
Wearing the second mask can feel scary. It’s the one you try avoiding wearing at all costs. It keeps you from being vulnerable, has you praying no one sees your insecurities or imperfections. So, again, this mask can also push people away. When you’re that afraid of being seen, it’s difficult for the other person to get to know you – thereal you.
And, as Michelle and I always say:
He can’t fall in love with YOU, if YOU are not there.
So, for today, I invite you to ask yourself:
Where in my relationships am I wearing a mask?
What am I pretending?
What am I hiding?
What is it that you’re afraid others will see?
Remember, being authentic and vulnerable are essential to creating love and intimacy in a relationship.
Consider removing your masks and looking at who the real you is. Who you are is enough. You are already loveable. There’s no need to pretend, shut out, or push away the people who can and want to give you the love you deserve – including the man who wants nothing more than to let you know that he loves and accepts you just as you are!
Questions? Comments? Let us know below! We love hearing from you!
I was talking to a client the other day and she was sharing with me how she has a trouble trusting men. When you hear her story, you can understand why she feels that way. A failed marriage, due to infidelity, a failed relationship due to him not fully being over his ex when they got together, and a few other unsuccessful relationships in between. All of this helped reinforce her belief that it was difficult for her to trust men.
As we began to dig deeper into what the patterns in all of these relationships were, we began to uncover the truth about why she was finding it difficult to trust and open her heart to a new man.
Yes, the men she loved gave her reason to not trust them, but the truth was deeper than that.
There was actually a reason she was attracting these men into her life in the first place.
In fact, the real reason she was attracting men who made it difficult for her to trust had very little to do with the men.
It had to do with her.
The person she is really having trouble trusting is herself.
Trusting yourself means that you listen to heart, instead of your head.
I know, I know. You feel that listening to your heart is what’s gotten you burned in the past.
I want to invite you to open your heart and mind and consider something different.
When you don’t trust yourself to make the right choices – the choices that are aligned with your values, your truth, and what you really want – then you will likely allow something else to choose for you: Your fears.
When you allow your fears to make your choices, you always end up disappointed.
Your fear of being alone will have you choose to be with someone who isn’t really right for you.
Your fear of not finding someone else who will love you will have you hold on to a relationship that is toxic and unfulfilling.
Your fear that your partner or husband won’t love you the way he used to will have you pretend that nothing is wrong, even though all of the signs are there that the relationship is slowly (or quickly) falling apart.
On the other hand, when you trust and honor yourself and your truth:
You choose from a place of power.
You make choices that honor who you are and what you value to be true.
You’re not afraid to make these choices and you don’t feel like you have to force or impose those truths on the other person. You realize that the right man will choose to honor what’s true for you because he values who you are.
Allowing your fears to run the show leads to nothing but one disappointing heartache after another.
Learning how to start choosing from a place of power leads to you experiencing the happiness, love, and intimacy your heart truly desires.
If you’re finding it difficult to trust when it comes to relationships, I want you to ask yourself the following questions:
Do I trust myself to make the choices that are best for me when it comes to relationships?
If not, what is it that has me doubt my ability to make the right choices for myself?
How is this lack of trust impacting my relationships?
How might learning to trust myself give me different results in my relationships?
Being real with yourself and looking at what is standing in your way is the only way to transform and do something about it. It’s like any roadblock: Unless you’re clear about what is standing in your way, there is no way to avoid it and you’ll just keep slamming into it… over and over again!
If you’re ready to shift this dynamic in your life, answer the questions truthfully and then let me know what begins to open up for you. I’d love to support you in creating a real breakthrough in your love life that leads to you having the love you want and deserve!
And, by the way, as you do all of this, be gentle with yourself. Blaming, faulting, and or beating yourself up about the decisions you’ve made in the past doesn’t serve you unless you are committed to making different choices! And when you’re ready for that, get ready for your life to transform!
This morning I had one of those “a-ha!” insight moments while I was running that I just had to share with you!
I saw something for myself that I believe will make a difference for you when it comes to love and relationships, so I shot a really quick video right before going on a lunch date with my hubby (hence the outfit) and I wanted to get it to you before the end of the day!
I even included an exercise that you can do to walk yourself to the other side of a disempowering thought around yourself, love, and relationships!
Plus, I give you some “work” to do!
I’d love to hear your thoughts, so make sure you leave your comments below the video and “Do the work!” (You’ll get what that means when you watch the video!)
Few things can be more detrimental to relationships than dysfunctional patterns. Repeating the same painful experiences over and over again can be exhausting and can make you believe that perhaps there’s nothing you can do to change the results you keep producing!
Learning how to end dysfunctional patterns is one of the first things Michelle and I teach women because, until you address the underlying issues, thoughts, actions, and behaviors that have harmed your relationships in the past, you will continue to repeat them, no matter who your partner is!
So, ask yourself these questions:
Do you keep attracting the same type of man?
Do you keep having the same argument with your partner?
Do you keep having the same outcome, no matter who you are dating?
Do you keep experiencing heartache after heartache and wondering why the same thing keeps happening to you
In today’s video, I teach you the first step in “short-circuiting” a dysfunctional relationship pattern so that you can begin to experience fun, peace and LOVE in your relationships!
Click the image below to watch now!
This is just the first step in learning how break a dysfunctional behavior pattern once and for all. If you want to discuss your next steps, click below to schedule time to talk with me!
This past week has been one of those lesson-learning not-so-comfortable weeks
You know… the kind of week that pretty much changes
Not only was my oldest son was a way at summer camp, several states away from me, for a whole week, but I also could not communicate with him to make sure that he was
As I’ve mentioned before, my son has Autism, so I really had to surrender and have faith that he would be able to deal all of the things that were so far outside of his comfort zone (and mine!), like not knowing what was going to be served for meals, sleeping in a tent during the thunderstorms that came through at night, and facing his fear of spiders and
When I saw my son step out of the bus on Saturday night, it took everything in the world for me not to lose it! I felt so much joy and relief! He was in one piece, smiling, looked like he’d matured 5 years, and all he wanted to do was hug
Yes, there were “horror stories” of spiders and bugs and rain and mud, but, overall, he had a good time, he asked for peanut butter and jelly sandwiches when he didn’t like the food being served, tried to keep the bugs away from him with repellent, and he said he was so tired he slept through the
As uncomfortable and unfamiliar as it all felt for him, he got through it (and so did
What this week taught me is that, even though things may be scary and uncomfortable – and way out of your comfort zone – it’s only when you step outside of our comfort zone that you can
Think about it.
The results that you have today are the results you’ve been able to produce from inside of your comfort zone.
The relationships you’ve had (or not had) the experiences you’ve created, and the current state of your love life were all produced inside of your comfort zone.
The comfort zone keeps you feeling “safe.” It has you make predictable choices. It doesn’t ask you to risk too much, because that would feel uncomfortable.
The truth is, however that the results you really want can’t be produced inside of your comfort zone.
If you want to change your current situation, you’re going to have to be willing to step beyond what feels safe and comfortable and take a risk.
You’re going to have to be willing to let go of the familiar patterns and behaviors that have been keeping you stuck and feeling hopeless and alone.
You’re going to need to make a change.
And, yes, it’s going to feel scary.
And, no, there are no guarantees.
On the other hand, the only guarantee inside of your comfort zone is that you’ll continue making the same choices, getting the same results, and having the same painful experiences you’ve been having.
Imagine for a second what you’d be able to do if you stepped outside of your comfort?
What would be possible for you?
If you’re really readyto step outside of your comfort zone, but you’re not sure how, go ahead and click on the link below to set up a time to talk. I’ve got just a few spots available for next week, so make sure you click below and schedule time now!
On this call I promise to help you create a plan for stepping outside of this comfort zone so that you can begin to move past whatever has been stopping you in having the kind of loving relationship you want!
No more “being comfortable,” but not getting what you want.
No more pretending you’re okay with the status quo when you know you want more!
It’s time to step outside your comfort zone and get the love you want!
No matter where you are right now, if it’s not where you want to be in terms of being in the loving relationship your heart desires, then I’m going to encourage you to take a step outside of your comfort zone, and click on the link below!
One of our favorite parts of being relationship coaches is being able to help women through some of the difficult situations in their love lives.Many times, we are able to help a woman turn a difficult situation around in just a few minutes by helping her get clear about what is happening, help her set up some action steps, and then hold her accountable for completing those steps!
That’s why we are hosting a LIVE Love Q&A Call on Tuesday, June 23rd at 9:00pm ET!
On this call, we will be answering YOUR questions about love, dating, and relationships.
What’s causing you the biggest amount of pain right now in your love life?
Where do you feel “stuck” and unable to move forward in your love life?
What one question do you have that, if you had it answered, would help you move forward?
It takes courage to allow someone into your heart to help you break through the fear and pain that has been holding you back. Michelle and I promise to give you real steps that you can take to bust through those barriers and move forward, toward the life and love your heart desires!
To have your question answered on the call, please follow these simple steps:
Type your question in the “Question” box. Please be clear about the one thing you would like us to answer.
Set a reminder on your phone for Tuesday, June 23, 2015 at 9:00pm ET.
Be on the call ready to have a breakthrough!
Don’t have a question, but want to join us and hear the answers anyway? Click here to reserve your seat!
Whether you have a question or not, being on this call will be a powerful experience! You will learn relationship skills that will help you have a breakthrough in love!
Feel free to share this post with your friends so that they can join us, too!
P.S. What if one answer is all you need to leave the past behind and move toward the future and the love that are waiting there for you? Send us your question and register now!
This website uses cookies to improve your experience. We'll assume you're ok with this, but you can opt-out if you wish.AcceptRead More
Privacy & Cookies Policy
Privacy Overview
This website uses cookies to improve your experience while you navigate through the website. Out of these cookies, the cookies that are categorized as necessary are stored on your browser as they are essential for the working of basic functionalities of the website. We also use third-party cookies that help us analyze and understand how you use this website. These cookies will be stored in your browser only with your consent. You also have the option to opt-out of these cookies. But opting out of some of these cookies may have an effect on your browsing experience.
Necessary cookies are absolutely essential for the website to function properly. This category only includes cookies that ensures basic functionalities and security features of the website. These cookies do not store any personal information.
Any cookies that may not be particularly necessary for the website to function and is used specifically to collect user personal data via analytics, ads, other embedded contents are termed as non-necessary cookies. It is mandatory to procure user consent prior to running these cookies on your website.
