by heartsdesireintl | Jul 7, 2014 | Coaching, Communication, Dating, Forgiveness, Gratitude, HDI Blog, Heart's Desire International, heartache, Infidelity, Intimacy, Loss of a Spouse, Love, Marriage, Relationship, Relationship Advice, Romance, Self-Love, Sex, Uncategorized
by Gladys Diaz
This morning, one of my first thoughts was about YOU! Why?
See, today is July 7th, and it’s sort of my Independence Day.
Three years ago today I received a phone call that I had been dreading for years. My boss called me with someone from the HR Department on the line to let me know that they were eliminating my position. I wish I could tell you that I was the picture of grace and ease on that phone all, and I’d be lying to you if I said that. I was a mess! I was crying, begging, and pleading. I was trying to explain to them how my family really relied on my income, and it didn’t make a difference. They were simply eliminating my position.
What does any of this have to do with YOU?
Watch the video below to see how YOU became part of turning what I thought was going to be a nightmare into a series of dreams-come-true!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Kxgw-7mEnN4
It wasn’t until several months later that I was able to see something that I hadn’t been able to see before. I was driving in my car, on my way to a woman’s business conference where I was speaking to women about how having a really great relationship requires us to be willing to take even bigger risks than the ones we take in our businesses, because we’re taking emotional risks. As I was practicing my talk, it was like one of those moments in a movie, where a ray of light comes and I was able to see what I couldn’t see before. That was that , on that conversation with my boss, where they had told me that they were eliminating my position, they actually had offered me another position. It was a position where I would be making the same amount of money that I had been making before, but I was going to be to traveling 80% of the time. I simply wasn’t willing to settle for that. I simply wasn’t willing to make that type of sacrifice.
Where all these months I had been saying that I’d “lost my job,” I saw in that moment that I had said, “No, thank you,” that I had walked away. I had claimed my independence from that job!
I also saw how it was in the weeks and months after that time, that I would share with people that I had lost my job, and they would say things like, “That’s Great! Now you can focus full-time on Heart’s Desire,” “Now you can do relationship coaching full-time,” “Now you can finish your book!”
And, every time somebody said that, I’d get so angry! (Even my kids were saying this!) But, you know, you’ve got to look at the signs in your life, and if enough people are saying the same thing, you might want to listen!
So I started to listen and I started to wonder, “What if I could really make this my career?” I had been saying for years that I wanted to do relationship coaching full-time but I couldn’t because of my job. I’d said it enough times, that God and the Universe heard me!
So I started to wonder, “What if I could do it?”
I started thinking of all of the women who I had worked with when I was doing this on the side, how they’d come to me hopeless, thinking that they were never going to be in a loving relationship or that they were going to be unhappy forever in their current relationships, and now they were living in the relationship of their dreams! If they were married, they weren’t just “happily married.” They were blissfully married to their husbands.
And I really started to believe that I could do this full-time.
And that’s where YOU came in! That’s why I thought of YOU this morning!
Because YOU – and, yes, I’m talking specifically to YOU – you’re part of my mission to have every single woman on this planet experience the joy of loving and being loved every single day of your life!
You’re what gets me up in the morning. You’re what I go to bed thinking about at night. It’s what I pray for. You’re what I work for when I don’t feel like going on anymore, because I’m tired! It’s knowing that this is my passion – that this my purpose – that keeps me going.
So, I just wanted to say, “Thank you!”
Thank you for being part of my purpose-filled life.
I also wanted to let you know that I have 3 spots left in my VIP Coaching Program. This is a high-intensity program, where you work with me 1-on-1, and the whole purpose of the program is to take you from wherever you are – whether you are single or in a relationship – to where you want to be in your love life!
We take a look at your goals. We look to see what is it that has been stopping you from experiencing that level of love? What is it that has been blocking love from either coming into your life or manifesting daily? Then we create a plan and we work on it together.
So, in just a few months, you can be telling people about how your dream became a reality.
If that’s something that interests you, go ahead and click on the link below, schedule a Ready for LoveSession with me. We’ll see if this program is a good fit for you, and, if it is, we’ll get started right away on taking you in the direction of your dreams and making your heart’s desires a reality!
Thanks again for being part of my life. Thanks for letting me make a difference in yours, and until our hearts meet again, always remember that you are loved!
P.S. I settled for a long time in my previous job, afraid that I wouldn’t be able to make my dreams a reality. Don’t settle for anything less than extraordinary love. You don’t have to. I’m here to help you manifest it!
Just contact me to schedule a Ready for Love session, and we’ll get you started on the path to making your relationship dreams a reality!
by heartsdesireintl | Jul 7, 2014 | breakups, Coaching, Communication, Dating, Forgiveness, Gratitude, HDI Blog, Heart's Desire International, heartache, Infidelity, Intimacy, Loss of a Spouse, Love, Marriage, Relationship, Relationship Advice, Romance, Self-Love, Sex, Uncategorized
by Gladys Diaz
This weekend we celebrated Independence Day in the United States. While I’m always grateful to live in this country, on July 4th in particular I am present to how incredibly blessed I am to have the freedom and opportunities available to me!
One of the truths about freedom is that it’s never “free.” Freedom comes with a price. There are millions of men throughout history who have fought for, stood for, and given their lives so that I could enjoy the freedom I have today to create the life my heart desires.
The same holds true when it comes to you and your life. Whether or not you live in the U.S., you actually have the power to break free from the past and create a new future where you are able to experience the love and joy your heart desires! But that freedom also comes with a price.
To create the type relationship your heart truly desires, you have to be willing to let go of a few things.
You have to let go of the stories you have been telling yourself about you not being worthy or deserving enough to experience that type of love.
You have to let go of the resentment, regrets, and anger that you’ve been holding onto and have kept you bound to your past.
You have to let go of fear and be courageous enough to trust and open your heart to love once again.
Once you let go of those things that have been holding you back, keeping you stuck, and blocking you from attracting and experiencing the type of love you want, there is FREEDOM on the other side!
Freedom from pain.
Freedom from fear.
Freedom from a past that no longer serves you!
So, if you are in a place in your life right now where you feel held back, held down, and unable to move forward, I invite you to LET GO and embrace the love, happiness, and freedom that are already waiting for you!
And we’ll be there to welcome you on the other side!
Questions? Comments? Let us know below! We love hearing from you!
by heartsdesireintl | Jul 2, 2014 | breakups, Coaching, Communication, Dating, Forgiveness, Gratitude, HDI Blog, Heart's Desire International, heartache, Infidelity, Intimacy, Loss of a Spouse, Love, Marriage, Relationship, Relationship Advice, Romance, Self-Love, Sex, Uncategorized
by Gladys Diaz
I received the following question from a reader in response to the article “Why Ultimatums Don’t Work in Relationships.”
Hi Gladys!
This is a completely different subject but still in the line of ultimatums. My boyfriend watched porn before we got together but we agreed he’d stop for us to be together, so he threw his CDs away. 7 months later, I found one of the “thrown away” CDs out after I came home from visiting family in a different state. He broke it and promised not to do it again. But since then, I’ve found out he’s still watching it because it was on the history (and we only have an 18mo old and one on the way, so no other adults in the house). He started deleting the history and promised once again he would not watch it because he wants us to stay together and he loves his family. Finally, today I found out he watched another one and deleted it (it had a time stamp on the computer) the other day when I went to get my haircut and our son was taking a nap.
So how do I let him know that I’m finished with his porn addiction? He needs to stop or we are gone. I love him and I know he loves us…but I can’t keep putting negative thoughts into my head when it’s not about me.
*Confused*
****************************************************************************
Dear, Confused,
I know that this can be a very sensitive topic, so I appreciate you reaching out to write about it. I can hear that you are feeling very frustrated and unsure about what to do.
People have different opinions regarding porn, and it’s clear that yours is that you don’t like it, agree with it, or want anything to do with it. Apparently, your boyfriend feels differently. He enjoys watching porn, and was doing so before getting together with you, so it’s important that you realize that his choice has nothing to do with you.
You continue looking for evidence, catching him, and telling him he has to stop. He continues to promise you that he won’t watch it anymore because he loves you, and, therefore, doesn’t want you to be upset and he wants to try to make you happy. This cycle will probably continue for as long as you continue to try to get him to stop.
The fact is that he is a grown man, and, whether or not this is a true addiction or simply something that he enjoys, telling him what he can or cannot do is something that may be okay when it comes to your 18-month-old, but not for an adult man.
In fact, the more you try to control him by telling him what he can and cannot do, the more likely he is to want to do it.
As you read in the other article, ultimatums rarely work, especially when it comes to relationships. So threatening him to leave and take your children with you may get him to stop — perhaps temporarily — but it will most likely impact the love and intimacy in your relationship because (1) you’re threatening to take your children away, and (2) you’re treating him like a child, rather than the man who is the father of your child.
Telling him what to do hasn’t worked, and threatening him hasn’t and probably won’t work. The only way he is going to stop watching porn is if he chooses to stop of his own free will.
True change only ever “sticks” when it comes from within.
So, what are your options?
Well, you say that you love him and you know he loves you. The fact that you know this tells me that he’s probably a good man and father. It also tells me that you probably don’t want to leave him. So, before you threaten to leave and take your children with you, you want to make sure that you are willing to go through with it, should he choose to continue watching porn.
Another option is letting him know that you do not want pornography in the house. By expressing your desire in this manner, you are making it about you and what you want – or, in this case what you don’t want – rather than what you want him to do or not do. This doesn’t mean that he will stop, but at least you will have expressed yourself in a respectful manner.
You can also accept that this is something that he enjoys watching, acknowledge that it has nothing to do with you or how he feels about you, and let it go. I know it probably won’t be easy, given your feelings about it. However, it is possible to respect him and his choices without agreeing with them.
If you do choose to leave and take your children with you, it’s important that you not make your choice to leave about him not wanting to stop watching porn. Instead, own your choice and make it about you not being willing or able to accept it. That way, you can be empowered in making your choice, rather than seeing yourself as a victim of his.
As I said, I know this is a sensitive topic, and you may have additional questions, so, if you’d like to talk about it some more, feel free to contact me and we’ll schedule a time to talk so that I can offer further support!
Questions? Comments? Let us know below! We love hearing from you!
Image courtesy of FreeDigitalPhotos.net
by heartsdesireintl | May 9, 2014 | Communication, Forgiveness, Gratitude, Heart's Desire International, Intimacy, Love, Relationship Advice
by Gladys Diaz
This Sunday is Mother’s Day. For many years, this holiday was very painful for me, because I did not have a good relationship with my mother. For several years, I did not speak to or want to have anything to do with her. However, this weekend, she’ll be spending this weekend surrounded by her daughters and grandchildren.
But getting to this place took a lot of love, forgiveness, and the willingness to let go.
As a young girl, I remember thinking my mom was pretty cool. All the kids in the neighborhood wanted to come over to our house. It wasn’t strange to see our lawn and front porch covered in bikes, roller skates, and jump ropes. While my father died when I was three, and mother’s second marriage was rocky and ultimately ended in divorce, I can honestly say that the first ten years or so of my life were happy ones.
After my mom’s divorce, things in my life took a turn for the worst. She fell in love with a man who, at first, seemed very fun and kind. She seems so happy. It wasn’t until a few months later that we began to realize that he was hitting my mom. The fights were getting louder, and more people were beginning to notice. We ended up being kicked out of the home we had lived in for years, and moved right across the street, to a smaller apartment.
The move didn’t change things very much, except that the fights were getting worse and I began noticing that my mother was changing. Not only because she was constantly afraid of her or me and my sisters doing something “wrong” to upset him, but she began drinking a lot more than I’d ever remembered. With the drinking, she became someone else, and that cool, fun mom I used to know seemed to be disappearing before my eyes – both physically and figuratively.
After another move, things really began to get bad, and it seemed like the police were being called to our house at least two or three times a week. They knew us on a first-name basis and tried on several occasions to convince my mother to leave him.
She tried. I remember staying in hotels, staying at friends’ houses, trying to hide from him. He always found us. She always went back to him. And things always got worse.
Pretty soon my mother was disappearing for days on end. We didn’t know where she was, if she was okay, or even alive. I remember going to our neighbors’ houses asking for food or making my sisters a dinner of corn flakes covered in sugar, because there wasn’t any food in the house. Eventually, we got an eviction notice, and we had to let our extended family know what was happening, because we were afraid of being separated and put into foster care.
Thankfully, we had family who were willing to take us in, even though, painfully, it meant that Michelle and I were separated from our little sister, who went to live with our first stepfather. My mom had moved to another state, followed by her husband, and I could not believe that she had abandoned us.
The fact that we were out of that violent environment was good, but the anger and resentment that lived inside of me grew over the years.
I was angry at my mother for not choosing to leave earlier, for putting us in such an unsafe situation, and for caring more about drinking and going out than she did us. As a 15-year-old, all I could see what was in front of me. I never stopped to consider that he had threatened to kill us if she left him, that she was now an alcoholic and needed help, or that the trauma of what she had been living over those years had been affecting her in ways I would never comprehend.
It took several years for me to be able to forgive my mother. I leaned on my faith and on the fact that I loved her and wanted her in my life, even if it was from a distance. After several years of her being sober, when I found out I was pregnant, I asked my mom if she would consider moving back to Florida so that she could help me with my son. The fact that, not only had I forgiven her, but that I was willing to trust her with my own child was overwhelming to her, and she left all she knew to come help me.
Having her in my life again on a daily basis put a strain on our relationship, because it had been much easier to get along from afar. However, through it all, even the times when I wasn’t kind or respectful, my mother was there for me, there for my son, and, later my second son, and she loved and forgave me through my temper tantrums.
We’ve had some dips in the roller coaster ride of our relationship over the years, and I’ve had to learn how to forgive, let go, trust, and open my heart in order to have my mom back in my life. Sometimes I still slip and let my ego get in the way of loving her the way I want to. Sometimes I hold back, afraid of being hurt again.
But mostly, I’m just grateful.
Grateful that God gave us another chance to be together.
Grateful that my kids get to have their grandmother –who they adore – in their lives.
And grateful that, in a world that says that when you grow up in the type of environment in which I grew up, it’s likely that you’ll repeat the same patterns and that you’ll be “broken” or “traumatized” forever, not only am I able to forgive so that have a relationship with my mom, but I also have become the type of mother I hope my children think is pretty loving, pretty special, and pretty cool!
This weekend, Michelle and I will be running in the “Super Mom 5K Challenge,” and the proceeds go toward Women in Distress, an organization that helps women who are escaping domestic violence. If you’d like make a donation and help us make a difference for these women who are being courageous enough to leave everything behind so that they can protect themselves and their children, please visit our Team Page.
Is there someone in your life who could use your forgiveness?
If so, use this weekend as an opportunity to forgive, let go, and allow more love into your life!
Comments? Questions? Let us know below! We love hearing from you!
by heartsdesireintl | Apr 29, 2014 | Coaching, Communication, Dating, Heart's Desire International, Intimacy, Love, Marriage, Relationship Advice, Self-Love
by Gladys Diaz
There is a key element to making relationships work that most people tend to avoid, and that is the willingness to be vulnerable.
If you’re like most of the women I speak to, reading that sentence led to a surge of panic running right through you.
Being vulnerable can feel scary.
Why?
Because to be vulnerable means being willing to let your guard down, step out from behind your wall of fears, and open your heart to someone else without any guarantees that you will be accepted or that the attention and affection you give will be well-received or reciprocated.
Naturally, the thought of taking this type of risk is frightening, and it’s possible that you are using this fear to stop you from allowing new relationships to develop or existing relationships to take root and flourish. However, without the willingness to be vulnerable, there can be no real intimacy, and, without intimacy, you simply can’t make a relationship work.
How can you tell if you’re allowing the fear of vulnerability to impact you and your relationships? Here are some telling signs.
You don’t allow yourself to really get to know someone.
If you’re dating and you’re avoiding vulnerability, it’s likely that you decide pretty quickly – sometimes just a few minutes into a conversation or a first date – that the man you’re with isn’t a good fit. Perhaps, for example, you’re on a date and the man you’re with says or does something that you interpreted as “a sign” of impending doom for the relationship, and you decide, right then and there, that it simply wouldn’t work.
If this happens once or twice, it could be a case of “bad luck.” However, if you’re finding that this is a consistent pattern – where you rarely go out on more than one date with someone, or most of the men you are dating are never a good match – you want to consider that you are subconsciously sabotaging yourself to avoid getting close to anyone.
Not allowing yourself to get to know someone may save you some time, but it can also keep you alone. If you notice that this is a pattern for you, challenge yourself to go out on at least 2 or 3 dates with someone before deciding to not see him anymore. It’s quite possible that if you do this, and if you give yourself permission to have fun while you’re at it, you may find yourself being pleasantly surprised!
You rarely let people get to know and see who you really are.
Wanting to be accepted is a very natural desire. We enjoy knowing that people love and accept us for who we are. It’s difficult for people to make that choice, however, if we’re constantly on guard, holding back our thoughts and feelings, and not allowing others to really get to know us.
This is even more important when you beginning a new relationship, because a man simply can’t fall in love with you if you are not there! True, he may fall for your stand-in, but pretending to be someone you’re not will eventually become exhausting. What’s more, you’ll never have the reassurance you want of knowing that who you are – with all of your strengths, flaws, and quirks – is who he chooses to love.
Whether you’re just starting a relationship or you’re already in one, trust that who you are is enough for the right man to love. You won’t have to be perfect, because your imperfections will not scare the right man away. Remind yourself that a man who truly loves you will see and relate to your “imperfections” as part of what he loves about you.
Being willing to open yourself and your heart to someone else takes courage. It takes the willingness to love and accept yourself first so that you can invite the love and acceptance of someone else into your life.
And, while, yes, it can be scary, because there are no guarantees regarding what will happen after you let your guard down, what you will be guaranteeing is that you are giving yourself the best possible opportunity to welcome in and experience the type of love and intimacy your heart truly desires!
Questions? Comments? Let us know below. We love hearing from you!
by heartsdesireintl | Apr 25, 2014 | Communication, Dating, Heart's Desire International, Love, Marriage, Relationship, Relationship Advice, Self-Love
by Gladys Diaz
The other day I was speaking with a woman about some of the difficulties she has been experiencing in relationships. We began discussing some of the patterns she’s been experiencing in relationships – attracting emotionally unavailable men; not moving from the “dating phase” into being in a relationship; and how, when she is in a relationship, trust and communication issues begin to creep in and the relationship is soon over.
As we spoke, I helped her uncover some of the recurring thoughts and behaviors that were impacting her and her relationships before, during, and while dating a man, and how many of these had to do with setting healthy boundaries.
Now, there is a lot of talk out there about what boundaries are and how they should look in dating and relationships, so, before I go on, let me clarify:
The boundaries you set in relationships are intended for YOU, not the other person!
This bears repeating: Your boundaries are for YOU, not him.
Too many times, the information out there about setting healthy relationship boundaries is encouraging women to create a bunch of “rules,” requirements, and criteria a man must meet in order to be with her. The idea is that she sets up all of these restrictions in order to eliminate getting hurt or wasting her time.
While I agree that relationships are not intended to be hurtful or a waste of time, it’s important that you understand that boundaries are not a list of rules or requirements someone else must follow or respect in order to be able to be with you.
Setting healthy boundaries is about you deciding what you want, what works and doesn’t work for you, and what you will do to ensure that you respect and honor those boundaries yourself.
For example, if one of the relationship boundaries you have set is that you will only sleep with a man once you are in a committed and monogamous relationship, then that is a boundary you have set for yourself, which means you are responsible for not putting yourself in situations where you might be tempted to go beyond that boundary.
Notice how I said that you are the one responsible. Letting a guy know that this is what you prefer is important. However, once you’ve shared that information with him, it’s not fair to make him responsible for honoring that boundary, especially if you’re going to keep putting yourself in situations that keep pushing the envelope further and further every time the two of you are together.
If, for example, you have a personal boundary about the communication in your relationships being loving and respectful, then it’s up to you to make sure that when you speak – even (and especially) when you are upset – you remain calm, refraining from hurling insults, and that you’re willing to listen to the other person as much as you would like to be heard. If you’re not honoring that boundary, then you can’t expect or make the other person responsible for speaking to you in a calm, respectful manner, or to listen when it’s your turn to speak.
Having healthy boundaries for yourself is important.
Being clear about what you want to experience and how you would like to be treated in a relationship is critical to actually manifesting that in your life.
However, remember that the boundaries you set are not requirements, rules, or criteria that someone else must follow. They are intended for you, and, when you honor them, you honor yourself, which then makes it easier for others to honor you, as well!
Questions? Comments? Let us know below! We love hearing from you!
