by heartsdesireintl | Jul 11, 2014 | Coaching, Communication, Dating, Forgiveness, Gratitude, HDI Blog, Heart's Desire International, heartache, Infidelity, Intimacy, Loss of a Spouse, Love, Marriage, Relationship, Relationship Advice, Romance, Self-Love, Sex, Uncategorized
by Gladys Diaz
15 years ago today, I had no idea just how drastically my life was about to change!
It had been just under a year since my first husband had passed away, and I was beginning to feel like myself again. I had lost weight, started a new job, cut my waist-length hair into a short, curly bob, and was about to release my first solo single – a song I had written for my late husband.
A few nights earlier, after having been stood up by an emotionally unavailable guy who I had been heavily pursuing (yuck!), my friend and I went out dancing. I had a blast that night, dancing reggae, flirting, and feeling, not like “a widow,” but like a woman – something I hadn’t felt in a long time.
A really cute guy I’d noticed when I walked into the club came up and started talking to me just as I was getting ready to leave. I almost blew him off because I thought he was too young for me, but my friend commanded me to walk back over and talk to him because she hadn’t seen me smiling that way in over a year (so glad she did!).
We danced, he asked me for my number and called me the next day, when he got off of work. We spoke on the phone for 7 hours that night and he asked me out for the following night.
I can honestly say that I didn’t have any expectations for that evening. I was just excited to be going out on a date, having fun, laughing and feeling alive again.
I believe whole-heartedly that it was this lack of expectation and just being open to having fun that led to me having one of the most romantic and unforgettable evenings of my life.
A few hours into the date, he asked me if he could kiss me. Why did he ask? Because I’d given him the run-down the night before of all of my “rules”: no kissing on the first date, no sex before marriage, what religion he’d have to be, etc. – something I now know could have completely ruined my chances of ever getting to know him, simply because I was so afraid of getting hurt. Honestly, it’s a miracle he even asked me out on a first date!
I don’t know why, but when he asked if he could kiss me, I said, “Yes,” and I’m so glad I did, because that kiss literally took my breath away (I actually had to sit down!), and, 15 years later, I’m still waiting to exhale! (Yes, I still get butterflies when he kisses me today!)
The spot where we shared our first kiss!
15 years of loving and being loved by the same person is a pretty big deal! We’ve been through a lot during these years – ups, downs, and everything in between – but thanks to the skills I practice and teach, we’re still here, and our love is stronger than ever!
On Monday we’ll be celebrating 14 years of marriage, and I can’t tell you how amazing it feels to know without a shadow of a doubt that you are loved – not because you did anything to earn or deserve it, but because the other person simply chooses to love and accept you for who you are, exactly the way you are!
This is the kind of love I know every woman on this planet can experience.
This is the kind of love I have dedicated my life to helping women attract, create, and nurture.
This is the kind of love YOU can have, too!
No matter where you are right now in your love life – single and hoping to attract the man of your dreams, a romance that is just getting started, or in relationship that feels like it’s falling apart – know that you can have and are worthy of experiencing love every day, for the rest of your life.
Does it take work to have this type of relationship? Yes, it does.
Does it take knowing the skills that help you create love, passion, and intimacy that lasts? Yes, it does.
Can I help you learn these skills? Yes, I can!
It’s my mission, my passion, and my obsession in life to teach women around the world how to begin experiencing the lifetime of love their hearts desired, and I’d love to do the same for you!
If you’re ready to begin doing the work, making the changes that need to be made, and finally experiencing the love of a lifetime, contact me to set up a Ready for Love Session, and let’s get started right away!
The clock’s ticking, life is happening, and your love-of-a-lifetime is waiting for you!
Schedule a Ready for Love Session today, and let’s get started creating YOUR love-of-a-lifetime!
Questions? Comments? Let us know below! We love hearing from you!
by heartsdesireintl | Jul 7, 2014 | Coaching, Communication, Dating, Forgiveness, Gratitude, HDI Blog, Heart's Desire International, heartache, Infidelity, Intimacy, Loss of a Spouse, Love, Marriage, Relationship, Relationship Advice, Romance, Self-Love, Sex, Uncategorized
by Gladys Diaz
This morning, one of my first thoughts was about YOU! Why?
See, today is July 7th, and it’s sort of my Independence Day.
Three years ago today I received a phone call that I had been dreading for years. My boss called me with someone from the HR Department on the line to let me know that they were eliminating my position. I wish I could tell you that I was the picture of grace and ease on that phone all, and I’d be lying to you if I said that. I was a mess! I was crying, begging, and pleading. I was trying to explain to them how my family really relied on my income, and it didn’t make a difference. They were simply eliminating my position.
What does any of this have to do with YOU?
Watch the video below to see how YOU became part of turning what I thought was going to be a nightmare into a series of dreams-come-true!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Kxgw-7mEnN4
It wasn’t until several months later that I was able to see something that I hadn’t been able to see before. I was driving in my car, on my way to a woman’s business conference where I was speaking to women about how having a really great relationship requires us to be willing to take even bigger risks than the ones we take in our businesses, because we’re taking emotional risks. As I was practicing my talk, it was like one of those moments in a movie, where a ray of light comes and I was able to see what I couldn’t see before. That was that , on that conversation with my boss, where they had told me that they were eliminating my position, they actually had offered me another position. It was a position where I would be making the same amount of money that I had been making before, but I was going to be to traveling 80% of the time. I simply wasn’t willing to settle for that. I simply wasn’t willing to make that type of sacrifice.
Where all these months I had been saying that I’d “lost my job,” I saw in that moment that I had said, “No, thank you,” that I had walked away. I had claimed my independence from that job!
I also saw how it was in the weeks and months after that time, that I would share with people that I had lost my job, and they would say things like, “That’s Great! Now you can focus full-time on Heart’s Desire,” “Now you can do relationship coaching full-time,” “Now you can finish your book!”
And, every time somebody said that, I’d get so angry! (Even my kids were saying this!) But, you know, you’ve got to look at the signs in your life, and if enough people are saying the same thing, you might want to listen!
So I started to listen and I started to wonder, “What if I could really make this my career?” I had been saying for years that I wanted to do relationship coaching full-time but I couldn’t because of my job. I’d said it enough times, that God and the Universe heard me!
So I started to wonder, “What if I could do it?”
I started thinking of all of the women who I had worked with when I was doing this on the side, how they’d come to me hopeless, thinking that they were never going to be in a loving relationship or that they were going to be unhappy forever in their current relationships, and now they were living in the relationship of their dreams! If they were married, they weren’t just “happily married.” They were blissfully married to their husbands.
And I really started to believe that I could do this full-time.
And that’s where YOU came in! That’s why I thought of YOU this morning!
Because YOU – and, yes, I’m talking specifically to YOU – you’re part of my mission to have every single woman on this planet experience the joy of loving and being loved every single day of your life!
You’re what gets me up in the morning. You’re what I go to bed thinking about at night. It’s what I pray for. You’re what I work for when I don’t feel like going on anymore, because I’m tired! It’s knowing that this is my passion – that this my purpose – that keeps me going.
So, I just wanted to say, “Thank you!”
Thank you for being part of my purpose-filled life.
I also wanted to let you know that I have 3 spots left in my VIP Coaching Program. This is a high-intensity program, where you work with me 1-on-1, and the whole purpose of the program is to take you from wherever you are – whether you are single or in a relationship – to where you want to be in your love life!
We take a look at your goals. We look to see what is it that has been stopping you from experiencing that level of love? What is it that has been blocking love from either coming into your life or manifesting daily? Then we create a plan and we work on it together.
So, in just a few months, you can be telling people about how your dream became a reality.
If that’s something that interests you, go ahead and click on the link below, schedule a Ready for LoveSession with me. We’ll see if this program is a good fit for you, and, if it is, we’ll get started right away on taking you in the direction of your dreams and making your heart’s desires a reality!
Thanks again for being part of my life. Thanks for letting me make a difference in yours, and until our hearts meet again, always remember that you are loved!
P.S. I settled for a long time in my previous job, afraid that I wouldn’t be able to make my dreams a reality. Don’t settle for anything less than extraordinary love. You don’t have to. I’m here to help you manifest it!
Just contact me to schedule a Ready for Love session, and we’ll get you started on the path to making your relationship dreams a reality!
by heartsdesireintl | Jul 7, 2014 | breakups, Coaching, Communication, Dating, Forgiveness, Gratitude, HDI Blog, Heart's Desire International, heartache, Infidelity, Intimacy, Loss of a Spouse, Love, Marriage, Relationship, Relationship Advice, Romance, Self-Love, Sex, Uncategorized
by Gladys Diaz
This weekend we celebrated Independence Day in the United States. While I’m always grateful to live in this country, on July 4th in particular I am present to how incredibly blessed I am to have the freedom and opportunities available to me!
One of the truths about freedom is that it’s never “free.” Freedom comes with a price. There are millions of men throughout history who have fought for, stood for, and given their lives so that I could enjoy the freedom I have today to create the life my heart desires.
The same holds true when it comes to you and your life. Whether or not you live in the U.S., you actually have the power to break free from the past and create a new future where you are able to experience the love and joy your heart desires! But that freedom also comes with a price.
To create the type relationship your heart truly desires, you have to be willing to let go of a few things.
You have to let go of the stories you have been telling yourself about you not being worthy or deserving enough to experience that type of love.
You have to let go of the resentment, regrets, and anger that you’ve been holding onto and have kept you bound to your past.
You have to let go of fear and be courageous enough to trust and open your heart to love once again.
Once you let go of those things that have been holding you back, keeping you stuck, and blocking you from attracting and experiencing the type of love you want, there is FREEDOM on the other side!
Freedom from pain.
Freedom from fear.
Freedom from a past that no longer serves you!
So, if you are in a place in your life right now where you feel held back, held down, and unable to move forward, I invite you to LET GO and embrace the love, happiness, and freedom that are already waiting for you!
And we’ll be there to welcome you on the other side!
Questions? Comments? Let us know below! We love hearing from you!
by heartsdesireintl | Jul 2, 2014 | breakups, Coaching, Communication, Dating, Forgiveness, Gratitude, HDI Blog, Heart's Desire International, heartache, Infidelity, Intimacy, Loss of a Spouse, Love, Marriage, Relationship, Relationship Advice, Romance, Self-Love, Sex, Uncategorized
by Gladys Diaz
I received the following question from a reader in response to the article “Why Ultimatums Don’t Work in Relationships.”
Hi Gladys!
This is a completely different subject but still in the line of ultimatums. My boyfriend watched porn before we got together but we agreed he’d stop for us to be together, so he threw his CDs away. 7 months later, I found one of the “thrown away” CDs out after I came home from visiting family in a different state. He broke it and promised not to do it again. But since then, I’ve found out he’s still watching it because it was on the history (and we only have an 18mo old and one on the way, so no other adults in the house). He started deleting the history and promised once again he would not watch it because he wants us to stay together and he loves his family. Finally, today I found out he watched another one and deleted it (it had a time stamp on the computer) the other day when I went to get my haircut and our son was taking a nap.
So how do I let him know that I’m finished with his porn addiction? He needs to stop or we are gone. I love him and I know he loves us…but I can’t keep putting negative thoughts into my head when it’s not about me.
*Confused*
****************************************************************************
Dear, Confused,
I know that this can be a very sensitive topic, so I appreciate you reaching out to write about it. I can hear that you are feeling very frustrated and unsure about what to do.
People have different opinions regarding porn, and it’s clear that yours is that you don’t like it, agree with it, or want anything to do with it. Apparently, your boyfriend feels differently. He enjoys watching porn, and was doing so before getting together with you, so it’s important that you realize that his choice has nothing to do with you.
You continue looking for evidence, catching him, and telling him he has to stop. He continues to promise you that he won’t watch it anymore because he loves you, and, therefore, doesn’t want you to be upset and he wants to try to make you happy. This cycle will probably continue for as long as you continue to try to get him to stop.
The fact is that he is a grown man, and, whether or not this is a true addiction or simply something that he enjoys, telling him what he can or cannot do is something that may be okay when it comes to your 18-month-old, but not for an adult man.
In fact, the more you try to control him by telling him what he can and cannot do, the more likely he is to want to do it.
As you read in the other article, ultimatums rarely work, especially when it comes to relationships. So threatening him to leave and take your children with you may get him to stop — perhaps temporarily — but it will most likely impact the love and intimacy in your relationship because (1) you’re threatening to take your children away, and (2) you’re treating him like a child, rather than the man who is the father of your child.
Telling him what to do hasn’t worked, and threatening him hasn’t and probably won’t work. The only way he is going to stop watching porn is if he chooses to stop of his own free will.
True change only ever “sticks” when it comes from within.
So, what are your options?
Well, you say that you love him and you know he loves you. The fact that you know this tells me that he’s probably a good man and father. It also tells me that you probably don’t want to leave him. So, before you threaten to leave and take your children with you, you want to make sure that you are willing to go through with it, should he choose to continue watching porn.
Another option is letting him know that you do not want pornography in the house. By expressing your desire in this manner, you are making it about you and what you want – or, in this case what you don’t want – rather than what you want him to do or not do. This doesn’t mean that he will stop, but at least you will have expressed yourself in a respectful manner.
You can also accept that this is something that he enjoys watching, acknowledge that it has nothing to do with you or how he feels about you, and let it go. I know it probably won’t be easy, given your feelings about it. However, it is possible to respect him and his choices without agreeing with them.
If you do choose to leave and take your children with you, it’s important that you not make your choice to leave about him not wanting to stop watching porn. Instead, own your choice and make it about you not being willing or able to accept it. That way, you can be empowered in making your choice, rather than seeing yourself as a victim of his.
As I said, I know this is a sensitive topic, and you may have additional questions, so, if you’d like to talk about it some more, feel free to contact me and we’ll schedule a time to talk so that I can offer further support!
Questions? Comments? Let us know below! We love hearing from you!
Image courtesy of FreeDigitalPhotos.net
by heartsdesireintl | Aug 23, 2013 | Communication, HDI Blog, Heart's Desire International, Love, Marriage, Relationship Advice, Romance
by Gladys Diaz
This morning I was reading a daily meditation book, and the thought for the day was around the power that our words have to either build people up or tear them down. It’s easy to forget just how powerful our thoughts and words are and how they can impact our relationships.
Many times, when we are unhappy, disappointed, or scared, we feel the need to say exactly what is on our minds. And sharing your feelings is healthy. When you’re dating or in a relationship with someone, you want to be able to share what’s on your heart and mind.
The issue, however, is not really around whether or not you should say what’s on your mind. It’s more about how you choose to say it! See, many times, when we think we’re sharing our “feelings,” what we’re really doing is complaining and blaming – which can also be translated as nagging and criticizing – neither of which is encouraging or inspiring!
When you repeatedly tell the man you are dating or in a relationship with what you think he is doing wrong, how that makes you feel, and what he needs to differently, it can be difficult for him to actually hear what you’re feeling or what you want. All he hears is what a disappointment he is. And, since men see themselves through the eyes of the women they love, the message that comes through loud and clear is that he’s not capable of pleasing you, which, by the way, is at the top of a good man’s list! This can cause him to want to stop trying.
So, what can you do to say what how you are feeling without tearing him down?
Vent with someone else before you share how you feel.
It can be difficult to think clearly when you’re feeling hurt. Sometimes, it feels like there’s an immediate trigger that goes off! Holding in or ignoring your feelings is not a good idea, but neither is saying or doing something you’re most likely going to regret. Instead of going off on him in a moment of rage, call someone you trust and who you know will listen without judging or gossiping, and share your feelings with her. After letting everything out, you may find that you’re able to think and express what you’re feeling more clearly and without resorting to blaming or making him wrong.
Focus on how you’re feeling, not on what he did.
Leading with how you’re feeling, rather than with trying to blame or make him feel guilty will make it more likely that he’ll be able to hear how you are feeling, rather than feel the need to defend his actions.
So, instead of saying something like, “You always put your job and other people before me! I’m tired of feeling like I don’t matter!” you could say, “I miss spending time with you.”
Rather than saying, “I feel so angry when you forget to call me during the day,” you could say, “I really like when you take the time to call me during the day. It makes me smile to know that you’re thinking about me.”
Expressing yourself this way takes a lot more vulnerability than striking in anger, which can feel scary. But, again, it’s a lot more likely that he’ll be able to actually hear what you are saying when he’s not feeling like he needs to defend himself.
Let go of any expectations regarding how he’ll respond.
Sometimes we hold back on sharing our feelings and desires because we think we already know how he’s going to respond and we’re afraid of what his reaction will be. Again, ignoring your feelings is not healthy, and it should feel safe to share what you’re feeling with the man you love. So, once you’ve processed your feelings with someone else and you are able to express them clearly and purely – without blame – let go of any expectations regarding how he will or should respond. How or whether he chooses to respond is out of your control, but how and what you choose to say isn’t. If you choose to follow the steps above, it’s likely that the response is more likely to be tender and understanding when he can see that he’s not being “punished” or attacked.
Sharing and expressing our feelings is an important part of being in a relationship, and when we can do that without casting blame, shame, or guilt on our partner, we’re on the path to making that relationship the loving, peaceful, intimate partnership our hearts truly desire!
Comments? Questions? Let us know below! We love hearing from you!
Image courtesy of FreeDigitalPhotos.net.
by heartsdesireintl | Aug 9, 2013 | Dating, HDI Blog, Heart's Desire International, Intimacy, Love, Marriage, Relationship Advice, Romance, Sex
by Gladys Diaz
As women, we don’t always realize the incredible power we have to create the types of relationships we long to experience. It’s easy to look outside of ourselves – perhaps to the history in our families around relationships, to what the world and media outlets are saying is possible, to other people (mainly men) that we can blame – to explain or justify why we are not experiencing what we want in our love lives and relationships.
What takes courage and vulnerability is the willingness to turn the mirror around and look within. It takes courage because, acknowledging that I am the one who can create a change in my life – that I have the power to do that – means that I have to take responsibility for why my relationship and my life don’t look the way I want them to. It means acknowledging where I might need to make some changes, let go of trying to control things, and create space in my life for the love, laughter, peace, and miracles I want to see, feel, and live!
As I shared with someone earlier this week, when I am willing to be responsible for the role I’ve played in my life and my relationship looking the way they do, then I can also take the credit for having made the changes necessary to turn them around! Now, that’s empowering!
As empowering as it is, it’s not always “easy” to take on being responsible and making the changes that will make a difference. And it also doesn’t make it any less scary. There will be a part of us that will wonder or doubt whether the changes will really make a difference. And it can be tempting to have that fear and doubt talk us out of taking action.
For example, a single woman may wonder if giving up her checklist of necessary requirements a man “must” meet in order to date her will mean that she’ll have to settle for someone she’s not interested in or attracted to. Unless her belief that she can have the relationship of her dreams with a man who is interesting, to whom she’s attracted, and who treats her like the goddess she is becomes bigger than her fear, she’ll make the fear and doubt the reasons why she can’t give up the checklist. And she may be cheating herself out of experiencing the very relationship she says she wants.
If a married woman feels that her marriage has lost the romance, that there’s no more friendship or passion, and all that’s left is an amicable roommate-type of relationship, she may wonder whether being more appreciative, more vulnerable, and inviting some romance back into the relationship and the bedroom will work. After all… it’s been years since she felt butterflies in her stomach and gotten goosebumps when he touches or looks at her that way. Allowing herself to be vulnerable also means taking a risk, not knowing how he’ll respond or whether he’ll be interested in having things change. So, unless her belief that she can experience love, passion, and romance again with the man she promised to love forever is bigger than her fear of possibly having her efforts rejected, the fears and doubts will have her cheat herself out of experiencing the very intimacy she longs for.
So, to begin choosing your heart’s desires over your fears:
- Acknowledge what your heart desires. Write it down. Describe how your dream relationship feels. What is the experience of being in that relationship like?
- Notice the fears and doubts that come up as you are describing your dream relationship. What types of thoughts creep into your mind?
- Choose to honor your heart’s desires over your fears. Acknowledge the fears and doubts, and choose to take an action that’s aligned with the type of relationship you want to have, anyway!
It simply comes down to choice. You can choose your fears and doubts, or you can choose to honor your heart’s desires. You can choose to avoid taking a risk, or you can choose to put your heart on the line and allow yourself the opportunity to be pleasantly surprised. You can choose to talk about wanting a happy, loving, intimate relationship, or you can create one. You can choose to allow things to stay the way they are and pretend like you don’t have the power to change them, or you can begin taking the steps to transform them.
The choice, as with anything else, is always up to you.
The real question is: Will you choose to step into your power to create the relationship and the life your heart desires?
If you’re ready to choose your happiness, your dreams, and your heart desires and you’d like support in making them come true, then take a few moments to learn more about how you can begin putting that choice into action today!
Click here to learn more!
This is your life and your happiness we’re talking about! It’s time to choose YOU!
Questions? Comments? Let us know below! We love hearing from you!
Image courtesy of FreeDigitalPhotos.net
