Heart's Desire Intl | Heart’s Desire International

Let Go of Your Checklist to Find the Love Your Heart Desires

by heartsdesireintl | Dec 11, 2020 | Coaching, Communication, Dating, Getting engaged, HDI Blog, Heart's Desire International, Ready to Love Again

by Gladys Diaz

If you’re dating, do you have a checklist for what you’re looking for in man?

Whether it’s a physical list you’ve written down or a mental checklist you keep in your head, do you have one?

If you do, you could absolutely miss the love that’s standing right in front of you.

Don’t believe us? Read on. 🙂

This week on Love Chat with the Love Twins, we had a powerful and fun conversation with one of our clients, Ellen, who’s story exemplifies this perfectly. (Did you miss it? Watch it HERE.)

Ellen is a teacher and single mom of a teenage daughter who had been divorced for 6 years. When she met us, she was dating again and had a very long, and specific, checklist of what she was looking for.

She wanted a man who was older than her, who had grown kids, was Jewish like her, didn’t have a cat… and the list went on and on. She had all of this outlined on her dating profile and would get messages from men saying things like, “Well I made it to number 14!”

This was not working for her!

So, she came to our event, New Love in the New Year, because she didn’t know how to attract the kind of man and relationship she was looking for. She wanted to be a good example for her daughter of how to approach dating and relationships in a healthy way and knew that she was most likely sabotaging her success altogether.

Through her experience at the event, she had some incredible breakthroughs!

She gained awareness and started seeing her patterns in dating that weren’t working.
She realized that her energy and negative thoughts around dating were influencing who she was attracting, and shifted from trying to “get” a man to “attracting” the man she wanted by being herself.
She understood that she could be herself on dates and in budding relationships instead of always trying to fit into a mold of what the other person was looking for.

Through the coaching she did with us, she was able to let go of her checklist and realize that you have to actually fall in love with someone — the actual person, not just who they are on paper!

She learned that her checklist was about trying to control the situation and who showed up in her life, which was all based in fear.

As she recognized and released her fears, she was able to open up to what could be possible and started paying attention to what she wanted to experience in a relationship.

She realized that letting go of the checklist is not about lowering your standards.

It was about breaking down the wall of fears so that she could experience what she wanted to experience in a relationship!

And that’s when Ross came into the picture.

He sent her a thoughtful, kind message on the dating app, and it caught her attention.

She looked at his profile and saw that he was a couple of years younger than her and he had younger kids. (Not what she was looking for!)

Normally, she would have looked the other way and not even messaged him back.

But, because of what she’d learned in the program, she opened up and responded with love and curiosity.

She’d shifted her perspective, and her experience was different.

In her words, “I was no longer searching for my husband. I was just responding to someone and being kind. I wasn’t feeling so desperate to find it and that’s when it started coming to me.”

She got to know Ross, and she was attracted to his kindness, emotional intelligence and thoughtfulness.

Their children got along beautifully, and he didn’t mind that she was still friends with her ex-husband.

He stimulated her emotionally, mentally and physically, and now they are engaged to get married!

When she looks back, she sees that, had she not shifted her mindset around her checklist, she would never have met him.

So many women worry that if they let go of their checklist they will have to settle for a bunch of things they don’t want.

The truth is, if you stop focusing on what you don’t want, then you open up the space for what you do want to come in.

When you shift the focus to what you want to experience in a relationship, instead of what you want the man to be or have, you open up the door to actually see him!

Ellen said, “A year ago, I would never have imagined that I’d be here. All of the things I didn’t know I could want again, I’m getting.”

And you can have everything you want too.

If you already know you’re ready for and you want to hear what it’s like to be in this kind of relationship, we have an easy way for you to do this!

Join us this Sunday for a very special Fireside Chat with Us and Our Husbands!

This is going to be a very special and intimate evening where the four of us will share with you exactly how we’ve created the love, connection, intimacy and joy we experience in our relationships, and how you can create the same.

We’re going to be answering questions, sharing stories and opening up space in your heart for what you really desire to experience so that you can have exactly what you desire!

Register Here

You see, having the love you want is not just about finding a man. It’s about finding yourself, building trust, and knowing that you can create the relationship of your dreams!

Join us and open up to what’s possible for you and your love life as you go into the new year!

How to Create More Intimacy With Your Man

by heartsdesireintl | Nov 30, 2020 | Coaching, Communication, HDI Blog, Heart's Desire International, Intimacy, keeping the love alive, Relationship

by Gladys Diaz

Let me ask you a couple of questions:

How much connection and intimacy do you feel in your relationship?
How effective is your communication?

Did you know that communication and intimacy are 100% linked in a relationship?

Communication is key! You can have all the love in the world, and if you don’t know how to communicate effectively, then the relationship simply will not work.

98% of the coaching we do is around communication.

Why? Because it’s one of the most important aspects of any relationship (and it begins when you’re dating!).

99% of divorces and break-ups happen because root issues in a relationship never get resolved because the couple doesn’t know how to communicate clearly, effectively, and in a way that BOTH partners feel heard and understood.

Let me paint the picture for you of how this happens. I’m sure you’re going to be able to relate.

Do you ever have the experience when you’re talking to your partner that you’re not even sure whether you’re having the same conversation?

I remember before Ric and I learned the tools we teach now — sometimes it would feel like we were so far from being on the same page that it was like we weren’t even in the same room!

We were both so committed to being right that we weren’t even listening to each other.

We would be talking about something completely innocent, like what bread we like to buy, and then I would say something, Ric would say something different, which made me feel like he didn’t hear or understand what I said.

So, I’d say it again, but louder this time, and he still wouldn’t understand, and, before we knew it, we were yelling at each other, saying things we didn’t mean, being disrespectful, and hurting each other.

And then we wouldn’t talk for two or three days.

Well, we would talk a little, but it would be what I like to call the “caveman’s grunt.” I would ask Ric a question and he would give me a one-syllable or one-word answer under his breath, to let me know that he didn’t want to talk to me. (Ugh!)

Sound familiar?

That’s how break-ups and divorce happen.

Arguments start over silly (or sometimes important) things, the communication breaks down, and soon you’re arguing about something completely unrelated.

Then the silent treatment begins, and the real problem never gets resolved.

So, do you want some real communication tools?

Do you want to stop getting frustrated with your spouse, getting angry and then reacting instead of responding thoughtfully and intentionally?

Do you want to know what to say so that when your spouse says, “What did you say?” instead of repeating the same words louder, you can respond in a way that will make you feel understood and heard (and loved)?

Do you want to know how to utilize your intention, tone and body language in your communication to increase love and intimacy?

These are just a few of the things you’ll learn inside our Black Friday Special, the New Year New Love Bundle!

Grab the New Year, New Love Bundle Now!

We are passionate about supporting women to communicate effectively because we know personally the painful consequences poor communication can have on a relationship.

We want you to have all the tools that will have you communicate in a way that has you create the love, connection and intimacy you desire with your partner! .

Click here to amp up the intimacy in your relationship!

Tip: This offer goes away TODAY, so act now.

How to Stop Meeting Mr. Wrong and Meet Mr. Right, Instead!

by heartsdesireintl | Nov 20, 2020 | Coaching, Dating, Getting engaged, Heart's Desire International, Love, Ready to Love Again, Relationship, Relationship Advice

by Gladys Diaz

Are you ready to meet the right man?

The man who’s not only good for you and to you, but also someone who you feel magic with?

One thing we hear from women consistently is that they find themselves in one of two scenarios… Let’s see if you can relate.

Scenario One: You keep attracting men into your life who aren’t good for you. They’re the “bad guys” who don’t show up, only want sex, aren’t looking for commitment, or ghost you after the first date (if you even make it to a date!).

There’s chemistry and connection, but, obviously, these interactions aren’t going anywhere.

The problem with this scenario is that these women start to believe that all men are like this, and they lose faith in dating and their ability to attract a different kind of man.

Can you relate?

What about this one.

Scenario Two: You attract good men into your life – men of integrity and honor. Men who are seeking out the same loving, passionate, committed relationship they are and are ready to create that now.

Sounds great right?

The problem with scenario two is that you often don’t feel a connection with these men. There’s no chemistry, and even though you’re glad that you’re attracting the good men, you still can’t seem to attract the right one… The man you can’t wait to spend the rest of your life with.

Do you see yourself in either of those scenarios?

Are you tired of meeting man after man, but never having it turn into the loving, passionate, committed relationship you really want?

If so, you want to ask yourself – “Why am I attracting this into my life?”

Get curious. Is it a pattern?

What are the common denominators?

How do you get to shift?

After I got divorced, I was dating lots of men who all had the same problems. They were either addicted to something, in a relationship with another woman, and/or had some kind of drama constantly surrounding them.

I was getting so frustrated, because I felt like I was dating the same man over and over again in a different body!

One day I was telling a coach and mentor about my frustration, and, after he listened patiently, he asked me, “What do all of these men have in common?”

Without even thinking, I responded with, “They’re all liars cheaters, and they don’t know what they want!”

He asked, “Okay, what else?”

After a few more minutes of trying to answer his questions and getting more and more frustrated by the minute, I finally exclaimed, “Just tell me what you’re seeing, because I’m not seeing it!”

He said, “The only thing these five strangers have in common is you. You are the common denominator.”

Well, of course that isn’t what I wanted to hear. But once I let it sink in, I knew he was right. I knew that there was that was having me be attracted to and attracting this kind of man into my life.

I’d had enough of this. I was ready to make a change.

That’s when I really began my journey of doing the Heartwork and getting underneath this pattern to see what it was that I needed to heal and shift within myself.

Once I did that, everything shifted.

We often say that “happy enough is not good enough”!

We’re committed to extraordinary love.

The type of love that feels magical and takes your breath away.

The type of love that has you feeling on top of the world and like you can do anything.

The type of love that is just that – extraordinary.

It starts with attracting the right man. And that starts with you.

Please join us tomorrow, Saturday, November 21st for the Attract the Right Man Webinar, where we’ll be diving into how to break this painful pattern once and for all!

In this 3-hour masterclass, you will:

Learn what to STOP doing so that you can stop being attracted to and attracting the wrong man into your life
Discover what to START doing instead, so that you start attracting the kind of man who wants to create a happy, loving, committed relationship with you
Apply the steps and practices that will have you experience dating and relationships differently because you will be attracting and getting to know a completely different kind of man!

Click here to say “YES!” to Attracting the RIGHT Man into Your Life!

Whether you find that you keep attracting and dating “good guys” who are nice enough, but you simply don’t feel a connection with, OR you keep bringing in the same “bad guy” in a different body, we’re going to show you how to break this pattern and bring in the RIGHT man — the one who will honor you, cherish you, and love you for the rest of your life!

It’s time for you to attract the RIGHT man now!

Top Three “Red Flags” to Watch For

by heartsdesireintl | Nov 17, 2020 | Coaching, Dating, Heart's Desire International, Love, Self-Love

by Gladys Diaz

If you’re dating, you’ve probably heard the term “red flag.” But do you know what a real “red flag” is?

Do you know what you should be watching out for while dating?

Do you know what things make a man “undateable”?

You may be surprised to hear that there aren’t really that many “red flags.” There are some things that you want to be paying attention to, and that’s what we want to focus on today.

While dating, you want to have an open mind and an open heart while still noticing whether or not a man is “datable.” You want to allow yourself to fall in love with someone while not allowing the chemistry or the attraction to be the driving factor.

So, what are some real “red flags” you want to watch out for?

A man is in another relationship. Whether he’s in the process of breaking up, still married, separated, in the legal process of divorce, they’re working out custody issues, still living together but not in love, or any other reason that keeps them connected to another person, a man who is in any way, shape, or form still involved with someone else is a bright red flag!.

Why is this important to pay attention to?

If someone is willing to date you while they are still in a relationship with someone else, he’s already telling you something about his character.

We have worked with women who were dating someone who was “leaving” their partner, and then 2 years, 4 years, even 7 years down the road , they are still with that other person. Waiting for him to choose them!

You don’t want to set yourself up to lose in dating.

When you hear that someone is in a relationship with someone else and you don’t see that as a red flag, it has to do with your worthiness.

You deserve someone who can and is willing to fully commit to you, And, if you catch yourself pushing that thought to the side, making excuses for him, or justifying his situation to yourself and others, then you get to ask what’s going on for you and why you’re not seeing that you deserve more.

The thought that would come up for me when I was allowing myself to ignore this read flag was “If they have that many options and they want to be with me, then there must be something really special about me.”

Can you hear the unworthiness in that question?

The thing is that this person couldn’t commit himself fully to you even if he wanted to because he’s still committed to someone else.

If he’s willing to be with you while still being with someone else, why would he stay committed to you down the road?

If you’re involved with a man who’s involved with someone else, it’s time to reach out for support so that you can make a choice the empowers you and is aligned with your dream of a happy, loving relationship.

2. A man that has an active addiction. Regardless of what the addiction is, whether it’s alcohol, drugs, pornography, food, gambling, etc, this is a red flag.

Why is this important to look out for?

When someone has an active addiction to something, that thing will always be the priority in his life. That means that you will not be the priority in his life. It’s not that he’s a “bad person,” it’s that he has a problem that takes over his reasoning.

You want to make sure that you’re aware and awake and that you’re not blinded by infatuation, desperation, chemistry, or attraction when choosing who to date and fall in love with.

Too many women mistakenly believe that if they love the man enough, wait long enough, or help him enough, he will choose them over his addiction. It’s a really painful game to play, and one where the woman usually does not win.

Notice your thoughts.Are you pushing something away?
Are you making excuses or justifications about his behavior?
Are you choosing to not notice something that you should be paying attention to?

Ignoring a problem is never the same thing as resolving it. If you’re pushing these thoughts away, it’s time to reach out for support.

3. A man that is physically or emotionally abusive. Is the man you’re with constantly criticizing you, cutting you down or making you the brunt of his jokes? Does he refuse to take responsibility for things and turn everything back around on you?

Does he push, grab, or hit you? Even if he apologizes, cries about it, or promises never to do it again afterwards?

Why is knowing the answers to these questions important?

If you start to feel less than or criticized, especially in the early stages of a relationship, this person is simply not right for you.

Someone who has good intentions is not going to put you down or make you the brunt of his jokes.

If you’ve mentioned that this is hurtful, and he’s sensed that he can get away with this with you, and he continues to treat you this way, he’s not trying to actually win your heart.

Pay attention!

If you don’t feel better about yourself when or after you’re with someone, then you shouldn’t be dating him.

When dating or in a relationship with someone, make sure that chemistry doesn’t overpower your integrity.

If you see that you are afraid, denying your values, making excuses, hiding things from your family and friends, and ignoring some really clear warning signs, it is time to get support NOW!

This is where the HeartWork comes into play as a way of raising your own level of self-worth.

When you have high levels of self-love, self-esteem, and self-worth, you know that you deserve better and you don’t settle for anything less.

You notice these red flags and you choose to walk away, knowing that you will attract someone who loves, cherishes, honors, and chooses YOU, and that you can have the loving, peaceful, intimate relationship of your dreams with.

Breaking through the Love Barriers stopping you from having the kind of love you want is one of the most important journeys of your life, and if you’d like support so that you have the tools to overcome self-doubt, not settle for anything less than the extraordinary love you desire and deserve, we’d love to talk to you.

We want you to know not just how to attract a man but how to attract the RIGHT man – someone who will be everything you want and deserve and more!

Book a Love Breakthrough Session Now

Let us support you in recognizing what’s missing in your dating and relationship experiences so that you can create the relationship of your dreams now!

Are You Waiting for the Other Shoe to Drop?

by heartsdesireintl | Oct 2, 2020 | breakups, Coaching, Communication, Forgiveness, Getting engaged, Heart's Desire International, heartache, Marriage, Relationship, Relationship Advice

by Gladys Diaz

How do you keep the love growing?

How do you keep the relationship from going stale?

How do you keep your marriage from getting complacent, too comfortable, or boring?

There is something we hear a lot from women. A very common concern is “Things are great now, but what happens when _________ (you fill in the blank).”

How do you not just create a relationship, but a long-lasting relationship that gets better and better with time?

We find that women who have this concern are waiting for the other shoe to drop — even when things are going well. They have a fear – whether it’s that they’re afraid he’s not trustworthy, that they’ll eventually fall into old habits and ruin things, or they’re sure there’s something wrong with him that they just haven’t seen yet – and it’s causing them to sabotage their relationships over and over again.

The problem when you are in this cycle of waiting for something to go wrong is that your focus is on what isn’t going to work, versus what’s right and going well in the present .

See if this sounds familiar…

One of our past clients found herself in this pattern. After years and years of dating, she finally found herself in the relationship of her dreams. She had met a wonderful man, and they had an incredible time together. He would fly to see her and pay to fly her out to visit him. Things were going wonderfully, and he was starting to initiate conversations about where they wanted to take the relationship next. EEEEE – exciting!

One weekend, he flew out to see her and she found herself acting strange. She could feel herself pulling away and trying to withdraw, and when he would ask what was wrong, she would respond like most women do by saying, “Nothing!”

Well, he was persistent with asking her what was going on, and eventually she told him that she could feel herself pulling away because she was waiting for something to go wrong. – How could things actually be this good?

Instead of being overjoyed and in the moment about how wonderful things were for her then, she was worried about what might happen to ruin things in the future.

Have you ever experienced yourself doing something similar?

This pattern of behavior is so detrimental and destructive to relationships, because when men are having to constantly defend themselves against things they aren’t doing, or feel like they’re paying the price for men who came before them, they get exhausted by it, and the love and intimacy starts to chip away.

When you have a history of bad relationships or trauma from your childhood, you often spend time and energy in your current relationship looking for that same history to repeat itself as a way to prepare yourself for what may happen.

The thing is, if you go into a relationship, even with the perfect man, doing this, you will sabotage it.

So, how does this show up for you?

Does it show up like it did for this client, where you pull away when things are going well?

Do you always feel like you have to do something to either “fix” the situation or the person you’re dating?

Do you create drama in your relationship so that you can feel the dips of things going badly in order to feel the high that comes with things being good again?

Here’s how you can recognize when you’re in the pattern of drama or looking for things to go wrong in our relationship:

You’re telling someone about something that isn’t working in your life and they give you a solution, and you respond with a “Yeah, but…!”

Someone presents a solution to you, and you follow-up with yet another problem that needs to be solved..

No matter how well things are going, you don’t allow yourself to enjoy the good times because you are preparing yourself for the impending doom that is on its way.

Recognizing this pattern is one of the first steps in the Heartwork that we teach, so that you can start training yourself to experience happiness and joy. Getting to a place where you understand that “peace” does not equal “boring” is a great place to begin.

Here’s the truth: Life comes with enough challenges that you don’t want or need to u create more of them.

We often hear the phrase, “Hard times are part of being in a relationship,,” and that makes us cringe! Yes, hard times come sometimes. That’s part of life. But hard times are not a requirement in a relationship.

Our goal is for every one of our clients to experience joy, love, and excitement in a relationship and to know that those can come on an ordinary day simply because you’re together.

If you’re looking for more ways to break this pattern of drama and expecting bad things to happen in your relationship, please join us tomorrow for our Reignite the Spark Masterclass !

This 3-hour event is for every woman who is looking to make her relationship, partnership, or marriage the best that it’s ever been. We want to help you take things to the next level to experience even more love, excitement and joy in your life and relationship than ever before.

Click HERE to register NOW!

Marriage doesn’t have to be hard or get boring., Feeling peaceful and comfortable with your partner is a good thing. And just because you’ve been together a long time doesn’t mean the passion has to fade.

When I’m sitting on my couch and I look over at Ric and my boys, I think “This is it! This is what joy feels like! This is what I was waiting for!”

That’s what we want for you, too, NAME!!

Join us tomorrow for Reignite the Spark!

How to Overcome the Fear of Getting Hurt

by heartsdesireintl | Sep 29, 2020 | breakups, Coaching, Communication, Dating, Forgiveness, Heart's Desire International, Infidelity, Loss of a Spouse, Love, Relationship

by Gladys Diaz

Do you have a fear that you will be hurt or rejected?

If you don’t, you must be superhuman, because as human beings, we all deal with this!

The real question is: Is that fear running the show?
Is that fear causing you to hold back in relationships or keeping you from creating one altogether?

It doesn’t matter if you’re single or in a relationship, this message is for you!

It’s a common misconception that, once you get into a relationship, that fear of rejection or of getting hurt goes away, but that’s just not true. The fear of hurt or rejection can be holding you back from creating deep, intimate connection, either way.

Here’s how it works.

You have fears that something will or won’t happen in the future because of something that did or didn’t happen in the past.

Fear is running the show if it causes you to react in a certain way that is a coping mechanism for not getting hurt.

This may look like withdrawing from your partner or pulling back.

It may look like being paralyzed and feeling like you can’t do or say anything because of your fear that it will go badly.

It may look like pretending, acting as if everything is fine, when, actually, you’re feeling scared inside.

Here’s how it looks for me.

My previous marriage was not a happy marriage. The relationship brought out the worst in me and I was often critical, loud, snappy and impatient.

I remember how I would feel every time I’d come home and put the key up to the door to open it. Each time, I would stop and feel my chest tighten as I wondered what I was about to encounter on the other side of the door. I’d just hope that today might be a good day.

My fear of being alone caused me to stay in that unhappy relationship. I would stay quiet and pretend that everything was fine, and then I couldn’t really understand what was real and what I really wanted.

Fast forward to now.

I’m in an extremely happy and fulfilling relationship, but I’m still human. So during times when I may be sleep deprived or extra busy, those qualities of being critical, snappy or impatient can come out and my fear rears its ugly head.

My fear is that if I allow those qualities that I don’t like in myself to come out – and sometimes they do – then I won’t be loved or I’ll begin to recreate the relationship I had with my ex.

Your fear may be feeling like your feelings won’t be validated, fearing you’ll be used or get hurt.

When fear is running the show you feel powerless, and that’s not the way we want you to feel!!

So how do you overcome these fears?

First, you need to recognize it and acknowledge it.

What is it that you’re afraid of that’s stopping you from having the relationship you want to have?

Your fear is impacting you whether you acknowledge it or not, so you might as well bring it to light.

Then ask yourself:- If I was standing outside this fear and standing in my power, who would I be that would allow me to make a different choice?

When I recognize myself in the space where those undesirable qualities come out and I feel the fear coming to the surface, I ask myself that question.

I acknowledge the fear and step forward to own it. I take responsibility for anything I may have said to Arnie that I didn’t really mean, and I apologize so that I don’t go back to allowing that old fear running the show and hurt my relationship.

I know that I’m a powerful woman, and that I get to choose how I feel and behave. When I apologize, I open up the space in our relationship for intimacy and love to be present again.

The truth is: You can either be run by your fears or run by your ability to choose a different experience. You get to choose.

It can take a little bit of effort to get to the bottom of these fears, which is why we’re so excited to invite you to the Irresistible Woman LIVE virtual live event!

This 3-day, highly interactive, and transformational live virtual event for smart, successful women who want to overcome their fears in love once and for all is one of the fastest and most effective ways to uncover what’s been getting in the way of you having the happy, loving, deeply connected relationship your heart desires!

We’ve changed the dates to October 23rd-25th, and this year, it’s going to be better than ever!

Click HERE to grab your ticket NOW!

Once you transform something, you don’t go back to it. Take this opportunity for yourself to overcome the fears that are holding you back in love and relationships!

Click HERE to grab your ticket NOW!

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